I'll let her know. 

She is, at the news, suddenly self-conscious, and reaches for her hair.

"You look nice. If the Mhalir situation isn't a dealbreaker I am sure he won't notice the hair."

"But you admit that there's something to notice."

Sigh. "Want me to do it for you?"

"Yes."

Ayodele is having a great time and has decided that Ma'ar is almost as interesting as Tadesse even though he's so much younger - he gets some bonus because he's more talkative and less withdrawn and sad. She's very very excited to meet the Aroden who's still human, too, which is apparently their next stop?? Also the spaceship is SO COOL and can make you all sorts of drinks. This is an excellent adventure and she's pleased with herself. 

Ma'ar is ready when Leareth Gates over, looking very serious. 

Leareth exchanges a very quick update with Mhalir and then takes Ma'ar back across the Gate. 

And about an hour later, there's a polite knock on the door of Carissa's guest room. :Carissa?:

She gets the door. 

Ma'ar steps in, looks at her for a moment, and then holds out his arms without saying anything at all. 

Well that's not any of the worst plausible outcomes. 

She hugs him. 

"Are you all right?" he murmurs finally. "- Sorry, that is probably a stupid question." 

"Everyone is as usual being an unstrategic degree of nice. I - think they're making a mistake but I think the Queen agrees and will do better at trying to explain why, which isn't to say I expect it to work, but -" Stop babbling like an idiot. "Haven't much to do. I'm making her duplicates of some of my most enviable stuff."

"That is - generous of you, given. Well. Everything."

Ma'ar is still hugging her.

"...I am definitely feeling as though somewhere in here there must be a mistake. The kind of mistake where - it is understandable to make it once and there was really no alternative, maybe - but. Still. Less understandable to...make it over and over and over... I am not sure what the mistake is, it seems - less straightforward than 'fighting Asmodeus is a bad idea', but nonetheless." 

She is not going to feel hopeful, that'd be stupid. "I don't know either. It's like - looking at a whole map and saying 'no, that's not what the world is shaped like', but then if you zoom in and look at each of the coastlines, it's not like I can personally say that one is shaped differently..." Shrug. "How's Mhalir."

"Managing, I think. Stressed. He...said he and you had a fight?" 

"Oh. Is that all he said." Suddenly she feels utterly terrified. "Urtho and little Ma'ar ran into us randomly, in the Void. They got Leareth and Leareth Gated over to our ship and - explained - that there was another Golarion, where they hadn't done it yet -

And I -" Steady, he might be furious but it's less contemptible to just say it - "I tried to blow up the ship. Because then Leareth would have no way to find the Yeerks and it couldn't happen again."

"Oh." 

He doesn't look angry. He goes very still -

- and then pulls her into his arms again, suddenly, holding her more tightly than before. 

He switches to Mindspeech. :I am - gods - I am so sorry. I see why he is hurt. And...I understand. Why you did it anyway. Gods. What a mess this all is: 

Don't cry don't cry don't cry and she is sobbing into his shirt, because apparently she can't do anything right anymore.

He picks her up and carries her over to the bed and sits down to hold her. :I know. I know. I am sorry this is happening again:

He's not crying, but the pain and confusion and dull ache of grief are heavy in his mindvoice. 

He strokes her hair. :But - I am here, all right? Neither of us will - have to face it alone, whatever happens...: 

She keeps her face buried because it's going to be ugly and splotchy. She clings to him. It's - ridiculously nice, to be carried, and petted, and she doesn't understand it, she isn't sure what to resolve it into, she wouldn't do that for someone - 

- Ma'ar is like Mhalir and Mhalir is ridiculously nice as a person but that doesn't quite feel like it closes the loop and leaves her unconfused. 

She leans into him and cries and should start thinking about how to make this interaction one he gets something out of but she's very bad at everything right now.

Ma'ar doesn't say anything for a long time; he's just there, arms around her, his breath warm against her cheek - with an occasional catch in it, like he's at least on the edge of tears...

:I - am glad I can talk to you about it: he says finally. :Mhalir was...: A sigh. :I feel as though he is - bouncing away from actually looking at it? And he - has to believe that Iomedae and Aroden can get this right, because otherwise it is too much to bear. ...But that is not true, right. They are not infallible: 

For some reason this makes her cry harder. :They're not - and they hate Asmodeus - I know they don't want all the people to die but I'm not sure they're - weighing it highly enough -: