"Hurricanes don't make moral choices." She looks at her notes, shakes her head. "How do they get people like you, what in the world do you learn in school - I went to a heck of a lot of school myself and they did some creepy shit but -"

"I think Chaotic Evil is a lot harder to make the case for because it's, uh, terrible. No offense."

"I'm not offended. We're generally told that no matter what we do, Pharasma is racist because Rovagug got some kind of spiritual ick on us so we're going to the Abyss no matter what and ought to be in good with the management, and then it's hard to be lawful around chaos because there's nobody to cooperate with and if they get as far as neutral they get their choice of doors and probably pick the one where maybe their buddies are waiting, but that's not really a case for the philosophy per se."

"I guess I can see why, given that, you'd just try to be valuable enough to have some cover. 

If it were untrue that - Hell mostly makes use of people, or that Good is in significant part about fighting Hell, or that Asmodeus was a powerful god - or that Cheliax was a good country to live in - those feel like things that'd make me feel like I was wrong..."

Niss writes all those down. "Well, what counts as making use of you. If the paladins turn you into a statue and you decorate the garden and they hang a clothesline off you are you useful?"

"I don't - really exist. Someone eating your corpse after you have died on Ibyabek and not gotten an afterlife doesn't make you useful because there isn't a you."

"What needs to be true about something, for it to be you?"

"...I feel like that is very obvious so maybe I'm missing the point of the question. I need to be...having some kind of experiences."

"What needs to be true about the 'I' that is having some kind of experiences? If you get turned into a statue experiences will continue to happen, just not to you; if you get turned into a devil..."

"It started as me and then got to the person it is by having experiences."

"You pretty sure that's all that's going on?"

"I am not usually pretty sure of things."

"Well, if something else were going on would the devil be you or not?"

"It depends on what the other thing is but I think at least sometimes yes?"

"What's it depend on?"

"I am not thinking of a lot of things you could do to a person that don't cash out as 'experiences' but, uh, if you cast Feeblemind on me I don't particularly think that would be me, until it was fixed."

"Delete all your memories? All at once or piecemeal, take your pick. Directly affect what you care about, like a heavy duty Suggestion? In case they don't want to do you the courtesy of presenting a list of beliefs and heresies and giving you a while. Enchantment-type effects in general, really. I guess being enchanted is sort of like having an experience but it isn't just an experience."

"I think you can make a case that while they are actively putting new thoughts in my head it's not me but once they stop it's me, just with the experience of having had the thoughts put in. If the paladins want to cause me to suddenly believe they're right and then take the spell off but now I know how believing they're right works they can absolutely do that. I think if I didn't have any memories at all including memories that are like - knowing how to do magic - that probably wouldn't be me but I know petitioners lose some when they die because you don't have the body that was part of your system for recalling them, and I have never been too upset about that. I guess I would trade a lot of money or time to avoid it if that were an option."

"I suppose that's a perspective.

Why do you think existing's better than not existing?"

"That one also seems really obvious. I spent most of eternity not existing, and now I do, and I want to keep doing that." Her voice gets a little bit choked up and she is furious with herself about it.

"Is all possible existing better than not existing?"

"Yes."

"For everybody?"

She looks slightly confused. "I don't expect them to share my priorities?"

"So if somebody dies and gets the door option, and they're like 'wow, both those alternatives sound really unpleasant' and puts mustard on their head and walks into Abbaddon, you're not like oh, no, what a tragedy?"