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restoring mhalir from backup
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Computer-Mhalir has some more meta questions about human Mhalir's thought processes and introspection. 

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Human Mhalir can answer those. He's been poking at it a lot anyway. 

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[He seems complete to me] computer-Mhalir eventually writes. [Cayaldwin, if neither you nor Leareth or Matirin have noticed anything off, I think he - I - probably came across all right.]

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[We haven't noticed anything]

 

[Should we shut you off?]

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It shouldn't be scary. 

He has a body now. It worked. 

- they could be lying, there might not be another him at all - 

It would be really almost impossible to successfully impersonate him to himself in a realtime back-and-forth conversation. 

And, besides, if he's in that world, the one where they were never allies at all, then...it's not like asking them to keep him running buys him very much. 

It shouldn't be scary. 

It's all right. 

He's not going to die. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[You can shut me off now.]

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Cayaldwin cannot be said to be good at social skills, not in this mood, but he does notice the pause.

[We don't have to.]

 

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[You should shut me off. I - ] 

Another pause.

[If I can trust any of my sensory inputs at all, then I still relevantly exist elsewhere, in a better form than this one, and it is preferable that the version of me with a body continue, and that you do not need to spend multiple hours a day talking to this me so I am not miserable.]

[If I cannot trust my sensory input because you are lying to me then - it does not matter either way what I ask you to do.]

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[That makes sense]

 

He doesn't want to shut him off and is distressed and sad now but he also has not noticed this fact about himself. He types the shutdown command and then is distracted by an intense and to-him-entirely-baffling wave of grief.

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<I am still here> Mhalir reminds him. <Also the information is still there to restart that copy if somehow something happens to me, but I am here. And much happier to have a body again.> 

Pause. 

<I am so sorry we do not have a backup of your father.> 

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They could have done it, is the thing, it's harder to scan an Andalite than a Yeerk to the required level of precision because the brain is much larger but it's not impossible, it gives you cancer but you can just morph that off, he could have thought of it and done it and then his father would exist and there would be meaning in the world and instead there isn't, and never will be.

(He is additionally skipping off thinking of the brother who died in the operation where Mhalir took Leareth captive because he would have to either blame Mhalir or Matirin for that and so he must not think about it at all.)

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It hurts, but it's a hurt he can bear. 

<I should go in Leareth's head> Mhalir says. <And then tell my lieutenant if he, too, still seems trustworthy. And then we can do math.> 

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<That makes sense.> 

<Mhalir wants to look at you> he says to Leareth.

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"Perfect, thank you." He's still in human form, to be less scary to Mhalir's lieutenant; he's trying to remember to smile reassuringly at her. 

Once Mhalir slips out of Cayaldwin's ear, he takes him. 

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And he spreads out - 

<Oh.> 

Swimming through two thousand years of tightly-packaged memories, exploring the pathways of incredibly honed reflexes and habits and skills. 

<I see now.> 

He doesn't say anything else. He doesn't need to; Leareth already knows, because Leareth knew him, before. And he's not the same Mhalir, not exactly, but it's close enough. 

He lost less than Leareth does every time he jumps bodies - and no one else paid for it with their life, either. 

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Do you trust me now, Leareth thinks to him. 

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<...I trust you enough for this.> 

And he doesn't need anything more than that. He extracts himself and starts demorphing. 

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<I thought we were going to do math?>

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He is in awkward mid-demorph and can't talk yet.

"- One minute! I will be right back. I just need to tell Essam..." He looks around for her. 

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She is standing with her back to the wall, looking at the ground and trying not to look like she's watching everybody.

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"Do you want to go talk in the conference room again?" he asks her. 

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"Sure." They can step in there.

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"I am still not sure what the other me knew," Mhalir says, suddenly very tired. "Both Leareth and Cayaldwin seem to feel very protective toward me and were certainly not involved in the murder. Leareth thinks he is partly to blame, because he was not quite careful enough, but - neither of us expected Alloran to be as competent as he was. In hindsight I think the misjudgement was mine, because I did not exactly see Alloran at his best, when he was my host, and I underestimated him." 

He takes a deep breath. "Leareth is very skilled, though not omnipotent. He thinks Yeerks are people who matter and he cares about me in particular. I - consider that enough to trust him in this alliance. Cayaldwin - only has goals related to doing math. He is not going to betray us. I cannot speak to Matirin, but I do think that Leareth holds considerable leverage over the Andalites, and my read is that Matirin understands his incentives well, so I do not think he will push that. Also they are in love with each other which makes betrayal seem even less likely." 

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"They're -" she shakes her head. "Okay. How are you doing."

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"...I am managing. I - had to decide to turn off the copy of me on the computer - or I suppose the copy of me decided, it still feels like me, it was very recent. Cayaldwin was very upset about that and I am not sure why. I still feel quite disoriented. But - I am going to be all right, I think." He smiles, suddenly. "I have morph! That the Andalites gave to me willingly! I never thought that would happen." 

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She smiles weakly. "I'm glad. Do you want me to tell anyone else - it's probably safest if we don't - Amanda took it pretty well when you died and is taking an extended vacation, we're paying for it -"

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