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restoring mhalir from backup
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<It does seem like it's better than nothing> he concedes. 

 

[I expect I can figure that out]

[It might be a while]

[Do you prefer to be conscious even when no one is talking to you and there is no sensory input of any kind]

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[Yes.] He has a lot of thinking to do. [And afterward I want to hear about our research. Please. And] he hesitates [what our working relationship was like.] Mhalir isn't sure a description in just words will even be able to convey it, but it's something. 

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[I can tell you about that once I have this figured out]

 

 

And he starts working on it. Getting lots of storage isn't hard at all, the tricky part is figuring out how Mhalir ought to be able to interface with it. He can use the signature from Mhalir talking, copy that to somewhere, let Mhalir read it back - if he has to read it back from the top every time that'll be annoying, maybe as a quick solution it can jump to the first instance of a specific word, at least - 

It takes about twenty minutes to set up something that ought to work.

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Mhalir thinks. It's hard to even subjectively track time, with no cues at all except the pace of his own thoughts, and he's not trying that hard, if he wants a timekeeping method he can ask for one - he should ask for some sort of programming interface, really, humans have lots of recent history in computing interfaces that are simple and don't require brain chips like Andalites have - that's a digression though...

He makes some progress, mostly in that he concludes that he might as well take their word at face value and work from there. He can run some tests, like slipping checksum-type bits into his notes so that he'll notice any alterations even if his memory for the content doesn't. He can ask for more information, for hard-to-fake proof. But, ultimately, he has to engage with them on their terms. 

...And it means something, that they even knew the location of his backup at all, let alone the fact that Cayaldwin was willing to get it running. 

It ends up feeling like about twenty minutes subjective to him, to the extent he can gauge that. 

[All right, let me try using this] he says once Cayaldwin alerts him that the file system is set up. He tests 'talking' to it and then 'listening' back, from the start, or finding particular keywords. 

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It 'sounds' just like talking to Cayaldwin or Leareth, and he can start at the start or jump to keywords easily enough. 

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[Is everything I put in the file showing up as though I am talking to you?] he asks. [It is not urgent and perhaps not reasonable to ask for, but I would at some point prefer to have private notes.]

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[It is not in the interface for talking to me but I could read it if I wanted to]

 

[I can store it encrypted but I don't think I can prove I did that]

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[That is fair. If you can give me a programming interface of some kind, I could eventually set up a way to encrypt it myself, I think, though it would still be hard to verify. Anyway, that can wait.]

For now the productive way to interact with this is to - not trust them, exactly, but apparently his now-dead older self did trust them, somehow, some way.

[Can you tell me some things about how we worked together and what we were doing] he asks. 

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[My father before he died worked on improving morph]

 

[expanding the morph time limit and potentially having multiple anchors so it was possible to survive death in morph]

[he thought we could win Earth that way]

[then he was killed in action]

[after the war you said you'd been working on the same thing]

[Leareth brought you over and we compared notes]

[eventually figured out it was much more efficient if you were in my head for it]

[the plan is to get everybody in the galaxy to go around in morph all the time so no one ever dies]

[we expanded the morph limit to 24 hours]

[and we figured out the multiple tethers thing but it breaks if you hyperspace jump and there were other complications too]

[if you want to use it to give everybody in the galaxy immortality you need really high reliability and there are nonzero risks to keeping your substrate in z-space]

[though it should be easier to back up, right]

[there might be a way to get you a body again using the morph tether infrastructure but it'll be a really big project and I'm not very good at this]

[my father would have done it]

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...Wow. 

Mhalir writes to his file as he listens, so he can replay it later to himself. It's a lot. It's so much and he's not processing half of the content, because instead he's having emotions about it. 

It takes a moment before he can fit an answer into words. Words are so clumsy, low-bandwidth, not at all like being in someone's head - like how his other self was apparently in Cayaldwin's head, they were doing research that way, if it's true it sounds incredible and like - something he always wanted but didn't dare acknowledge, because it was too impossible to hope for. And he doesn't remember it, which seems incredibly deeply unfair of the universe, not that the fairness of the universe is even a real concept... 

[I...wanted...] His answer comes more slowly, this time. [I wanted, ever since I was born, for people to stop dying. To stop...ceasing to exist...vanishing from the world...it is so wasteful and pointless and]

- a feeling he doesn't have words for, and therefore has no way to communicate to them - 

[you were doing that? Your father was working toward it? I...wish I could have met him.]

[I think maybe I see why we worked well together, if that is how you feel about death.]

[I...want to be able to work in your head again. It would be a major undertaking, I agree, but I can do my best to help.]

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[you could have met him if you had ended the war sooner]

[but I think it would have been hard]

[leareth is not totally sure he could have done it]

 

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[I wish] and Mhalir stops there. 

He just found out half an hour ago that the war is over now, apparently, and not in a way where most of his species is dead and the survivors are confined forever to a single planet. In a way where there are voluntary Controllers and research collaborations and where Cayaldwin promised to keep him safe and then swore to avenge his death by murdering Alloran (which he should NOT DO, Mhalir isn't sure whether he got through about that and needs to check.)

- he's still not completely believing all of this, he's keeping it in a mental space reserved for tentative world-models, not the base facts he knows about reality. But for now he can live in that maybe-reality, react to it appropriately, and keep holding onto that background note of uncertainty, so that any off notes he might pick up on later have somewhere to go. 

[I wish I had ended the war sooner]

[I wish I had...seen whatever it was that I was missing]

There had been what felt like a long pause, before Cayaldwin's answer. 

[...are you all right]

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[I don't really think being all right would be warranted]

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[I understand] 

He's not sure he does, actually, and he's not sure how to feel about it and whether he ought to try to help. It fits quite well, actually, that a future version of him who spent months working on research from Cayaldwin's head would have - cared about him. 

He can ask this Leareth character at some point, maybe, if he can find a way of getting Leareth to talk to him alone and delete the log of it so Cayaldwin can't just read it afterward. 

[Thank you] he adds, and he can't say it with any particular emotion but he means it fervently. [Thank you for bringing me back.]

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[I was worried it wouldn't be better than being dead since you couldn't do anything]

[but Yeerks and Andalites are different that way]

[and maybe we can figure out the morph tether thing eventually]

 

And for some reason he's upset, now, so he walks away to get back to work.

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Leareth turns a stalk to watch him go. He can tell that Cayaldwin is upset but not why; Cayaldwin's emotions remain frustratingly opaque to him, despite months of working closely together on this. 

[Do you have any further questions] he asks Mhalir. 

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[I think so, but I need a moment to process everything.]

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[I will wait.]

And since he's now hanging out in front of a computer for an unknown length of time anyway, he reaches for Matirin's mind. <Matirin?>

A moment later he remembers that it's still not quite four o'clock in the morning, but it still seems worth waking him for. 

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<Sorry to wake you. Cayaldwin did it. We have been talking to Mhalir.> 

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< - oh. Good. Is Mhalir all right?>

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<He seems to be taking it very matter-of-factly. He asked us for external memory to write notes to and he is thinking it over before asking more questions. I - suspect he is not taking what we are telling him on faith, but that he thinks it most productive to engage with us straightforwardly rather than showing us his suspicion.> Pause. <I really wish I knew what he was thinking. Also, Cayaldwin just ran off, he seems upset, I am not really sure why.> 

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His eyes flick worriedly in Cayaldwin's direction. <I would be very suspicious if it were me> he says. <He seems - intact? The scan worked?>

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<He has not not seemed intact, so far. I - have limited ability to assess him, right, I cannot read his thoughts. It is very frustrating. But I have not noted anything that seemed very off.> 

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Tail-swish. <If it were me it would be really miserable to be alone.>

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