Melody is handed a number of requests at Healers' and triages very hard and promises she's coming back tomorrow. She arranges to be done at the same time Matirin is - she was about to interrupt him and tell him to let Alloran rest but he seems to have noticed on his own. She has one of Leareth's mages who accompanied them through the Gate with her, for the Gate home. 

For an instant, before she smooths it away, she looks very, very tired. 

<Do you have your own mind doctor to check on whether you are being attentive to your feelings.>

:You know: Melody says evenly, :I really wish I did. Aren't enough of us. I talk to my best friend, she's here. I - can't tell her any of the specifics, obviously, but she gives good hugs.: 

He nods. And back to the ship they go.

Melody is not looking forward to this in any way at all, but she carefully folds away her many feelings about Alloran, and shifts to the part of her that can be a little more reasonable and objective about this situation. And goes looking for Leareth. 

Leareth is in the medical bay visiting Cayaldwin. 

:Hey. Can we talk?: 

Sigh. :Yes, I suppose we had better: He nods to Cayaldwin and follows Melody out to one of the conference rooms. 

Probably Leareth can actually just tell her what he needs, here. She shuts the door and sits. :So?: 

:I am aware that I am somewhat traumatized. More about the loss of my Gifts for a day and the - stakes of the situation, and how close we were to disaster when I was helpless - than about the Yeerk part per se. I have mixed feelings about what Mhalir did, it is simultaneously true that he was trying very hard and - making understandable decisions given his information and resources - and also that he did vast amounts of harm which will take a very, very long time to repair. I am very tired and I wish there was more time to catch our breath and think before needing to make decisions, but there is not. Given all of that, I think I am coping reasonably well: 

Melody nods. :Being tired makes sense. How is the, er, being traumatized affecting you?:

:My emotions are very reactive and harder to control than usual. Doing the debrief with Matirin yesterday was quite hard: 

:Yes, I noticed. You were doing all sorts of dissociation things with your brain to keep going, I was concerned: 

Leareth blinks at her. :- I know, I did that on purpose. It would normally be more efficient to take thirty seconds and see what my emotions wanted, but in this case it wanted several candlemarks and the debrief was time-sensitive, so I ignored it to the extent I could get away with that. It was fine: 

:I see: Melody's voice is very mild and not dubious at all. :You seem - reasonably level, today. Or at least right now: 

:I expected that. At this point I am fine unless anything stressful happens. And - as long as I do not force myself to do things that would normally be fine but right now feel like the end of the world. Which is inconvenient but also predictable, I know it will pass: 

Melody narrows her eyes. :Things like - what?: 

:Oh. Well, it would solve some of our trust-based communication bottlenecks if I could let Mhalir in my head again to go through my reasoning about why I trust Matirin to genuinely stand up for the Yeerks' interest as people, in the long run. However, Matirin is uncomfortable letting him into the head of a mage with Gifts working, and - normally I would just tell Nayoki to use the set-command again, but thinking about it causes a great deal of internal screaming, so I am not going to: 

:...I'm - glad...?: What is she even supposed to say to that. 

:I am not stupid: 

:I've noticed. Um, anyway, is there anything here I can help with, specifically?: Melody is feeling very discombobulated. Somehow even her human patient here is an alien when it comes to experiencing his own emotions. 

:Oh. Hmm: Leareth thinks for a bit. :I am very jumpy right now and I dislike it: He has good enough control of his mage-gift that he hasn't even come close to setting something on fire, but every single time someone Mindspeaks or thoughtspeaks him unexpectedly, it startles him into throwing emergency levels of power into his shields, which gets exhausting when it's five times in the last candlemark. 

:Sure, I can do some temporary blocks about that: She's done it for Vanyel before. :- Are you sleeping okay?: 

:I keep having nightmares where Earth gets destroyed as a result of various horrible disasters. I am getting enough sleep but it takes longer because it is more inefficient: 

:Sounds frustrating. I can maybe help with that?: 

Leareth's tapestry is honestly really overwhelming to look at. There's a lot of it, though much of it somehow folded-up and space-efficient, or should be normally - a lot of corners right now are connected by the bright underlayer of threads representing emotional associations, and thus keep coming unfolded. Also whatever's in the centre of his pattern is really weird and she - mostly can't see it? It's the source of a lot of emotion-threads but from the surface it's, at rest, concealed from her Sight, which means he's not consciously aware of it either. Bizarre. 

Melody takes a deep breath and gets to work.