Now I feel like we're overthinking this. If he turns out to just want to demand humiliating things then I'll tell him I don't enjoy that at all. I don't think he will. I do think it's correct for me to be mostly not presenting him with puzzles about - how to take care of me - and so I should not do this at all if I cannot sincerely present a front of - I'm taking care of me, let's just figure things out about you -

Yeah, that sounds right. Or closer to right. 

I don't know. I still feel confused but I can't say what about, not exactly, and I don't know him.

Can I come over? I asked Van to Gate me back in a couple of hours, I didn't want to leave him waiting long...

Yeah, of course. 

They talk, a little. Mostly he lies snuggled up with Findekáno saying things he admires about Leareth. That part is the least confusing part of the whole thing. 

When it's time for his Gate back he goes over a bit early so as not to make Van hold it.

Vanyel raises a Gate right on time. Doesn't say anything, just nods to Maitimo. 

"Thank you," he says, and comes on through it. 

Is Leareth awake?

Nope. 

Then he will go sing by the ocean for a while.

Leareth wakes up and spends a few seconds untangling the fragmentary memories of nightmares, and then the actual memories of yesterday catch up.

...That went well? Better than he'd expected? He thinks?

He spends a little while longer poking at his current feelings, it'll be easier to talk about this if he knows where he's starting from. 

:Maitimo?: 

Good morning!

- scared - which is stupid–

:I did not manage to take notes about yesterday: he confesses. :Can you - what were the things that we talked about...?: 

You said that you wanted to pursue a relationship. That you noticed, when my amulet was broken, that I - wanted that too. We talked a little bit about how that would look different than what we're already doing right now. You said that you wanted to have sex, that you were not sure what would be good and not awful but that you would like to try things and figure it out. I said I was going to go talk to Vanyel and Findekáno. - I have done that.

:Oh. Good. What did they say?:

Leareth reaches for his notes and starts updating them. Not with any of the things he was thinking, yesterday, just the things he actually talked about with Maitimo. 

They're a little worried. Vanyel said it's - risky - I could hurt you a lot without meaning to -

Leareth freezes. It's a good thing that Maitimo isn't actually there in person, because he would definitely notice that Leareth is on the edge of panic for no good reason - it's impossible to hide what he's feeling from Maitimo, in general it's probably a stupid idea to try, but - if he's too obviously scared, here, then Maitimo might decide none of this is worth trying, and then–

:That - makes sense: he admits. :But - I know you are going to be very careful and I trust you. There is no one in the world I would trust more with this: 

(This is true but it's also kind of a low bar.) 

I guess I figure you have the right to decide you want to try something that might hurt you. And of course I will try very very hard not to. But - but we should probably expect that even if you really want this we might not be able to figure out how to make it work until you're more recovered, right? And if that's what happens, then that's all right. It hasn't been very long at all.

:I know: He isn't going to be able to explain to Maitimo why it's so important that he figure something out now, at least the beginnings of something. :We have a lot of time: And Maitimo is very good and very reassuring and it's not him that Leareth is scared of. Or, well, that's almost entirely true. :Are you busy? I would like it if you came and held me: 

I told people Vanyel was going to Gate me over to Vinyamar and have not told them he got me back. 

And he comes over to see Leareth.

As soon as the door to his room is closed, Leareth slips into Maitimo's arms. Relaxes. :I love you: 

I love you. I want to fix all the worlds with you.

That makes Leareth feel warm and happy and also - sort of caught, or something, because he knows that's such an important piece of why Maitimo loves him at all - because he was trying to fix everything - and he can't, right now. 

:Someday: he agrees. :I - want to get better, so we can do that: 

Yes, of course. You can take as long as you need. We've got it handled, in the meantime. 

Is this - maybe a little bit about - there being something you can do now, that affects other people -

Aaaaaah - except it shouldn't be a frightening question to be asked. Maitimo is going to be able to tell that it is, though, and will want to know why, and Leareth doesn't understand why–

:Maybe. Probably a little. But, I mean - I do not want this with Vanyel. I want it with you. Because of...how I feel about you: Leareth is pretty sure all of that is true. 

Patpatpat - sorry. I wasn't trying to question your - sincerity, or something - I'm not questioning you about anything. I love you, and you want this, and you can have this, no matter how messy your reasons are. I am not trying to decide whether you are good enough to deserve this or something. It's just - helpful to know what you want to get out of it -