“I mean, the closest human equivalent to your marriage is lifebonds,” slight wince, “and that’s - one in a thousand, one in ten thousand people...? So, it definitely can’t be true that those are the only good relationships. I don’t know, Quendi are different, just... I think it’s false that there’s no possible thing here that’d be good for you and - make you stronger too-.”

"I think - if it's good for him, if it makes him happy, if it helps him recover, if it helps him remember who he is - I think that'd be good for me, too."

"That seems right. I - hope it works out that way." 

Nod. "Thank you. If you think of anything else please do let me know."

"Of course." 

"And, uh, could I have a Gate to Vinyamar. There's someone there who I should talk with, too."

Vanyel blinks. "...Oh, of course. I'm glad you've got other people to talk to." He's a bit surprised, and very curious, but it seems gauche to ask so he won't. 

He feels stressed about tipping his hand even that much, honestly. 

He goes through.

Findekáno?

Hey! I figured you'd be a while after -

I left everyone with the whole delegation to run off with Leareth, yeah. I -

- Leareth asked me about a relationship. 

Huh. That was fast. 

That's kind of how I'm feeling about it! I thought maybe - once he'd recovered - if he wasn't very frustrated with us for having let it come to that - 

That sounds like a much better idea than this.

It really does. But if this is what he wants - then I want to give it to him.

I am not sure this is the sort of thing you can give people as an act of altruism. Or even as an investment. 

- well I mean - I wouldn't if - if I had not been very recently complaining to you about how desperately I want him I wouldn't be deciding to go for it just because he asked. But I do want him, and I love him, and he thinks it'll be good for him, to try it, and - it feels, I don't know, condescending, or something, to insist on not, given all that - like I'm sabotaging his ability to notice things about the world and use them to get what he wants - 

- if I was rescued from Angband, and I was a traumatized mess who was very scared of my own shadow, and I wanted you, what would you do?

Whatever you wanted. But we have - a preexisting relationship. I think that matters for - how well I understand you and know what's good for you.

I'm not sure I know what's good for him. I guess I'm counting on him to know that, or at least to - benefit from being allowed to help figure that out even if he doesn't know it. 

Do you think he might be working from some bad assumptions about people and what they want, from all the Melkor?

I think he almost definitely is? And I think he knows he is. And I think this is - how he wants to fix that.

One thing that occurs to me to worry about is that you will try very very diligently to give him whatever you think he's looking for here and not check, uh, whether it's good for you.

Oh, I'm totally going to do that. He's more fragile right now. If he wants something costly, he can have something costly. I'll be fine.

That sounds like a terrible idea. 

Or - it sounds like a plan that only works if you have infinite reserves and infinite ability to cope, and I doubt you do, and if it's what he would want if he were fully informed, and I bet he wouldn't be. It's - important not to do something for someone else that they think is also for you? I'd be angry with you, if you did it for me.

You just said that if it were me in that situation and I asked for you you'd do whatever I wanted. 

- well, yes. But I wouldn't be misleading you about what it was costing me, if anything, because it's impossible to mislead you about anything.