Leareth rides along with the memory, half-awed - no, he didn't notice it at the time, though he does remember noticing Maitimo recognizing how outpowered the Quendi were, how much damage Leareth could do if he wanted and how little any of them could do to stop him -  and wishing it were different, it seemed like they could be better allies to each other if there were more balance there...

–And then he bursts out laughing. "Maitimo, I am not sure anyone has ever put my name and the words 'astoundingly virtuous' in the same paragraph." 

"Well I don't know how else to conceptualize it!! The thing about you where you would absolutely never have - not just never have asked me to bed, that's objectively a level of virtuous that everyone manages all the time just fine, you never asked for anything that wasn't obviously necessary to win the war -"

"I mean, it would not have helped, right? I wanted to win the war - and then I wanted your help afterward, to fix Velgarth, but - it was obvious that needed to wait, and it was not something I could obtain by, what, by armtwisting you into it because I was powerful enough to get away with it? Your people did not have any resources to spare and so it would not have accomplished anything to ask for more than what was necessary." 

"Everything you did made perfect sense! And -" he shakes his head. "- you keep undershooting, how much you can ask - and it feels a little bit insane to attempt to convince you not to but I think I ought to, if you really want to do this. You could have asked for more from the moment you met me. It is objectively probably a good thing that you didn't, but - you could have, and I would have been delighted."

"...I will try to remember that." It feels confusing and topsy-turvy, and almost painful in some obscure hard-to-describe way, but...it's also good. 

He holds Leareth for a little while. Waits.

"Maitimo, I–" And he's scared again, inexplicably, but it's not that loud and he can nudge it away. "I do not want to use the words wrong, I am very new to this, but... I love you." He lets out his breath. "You should talk to Vanyel, probably. Before...anything else." 

"Yeah. - do you want me to go do that right now?"

"It is up to you? I am not in a rush - I suppose I do want to know what Vanyel says. Oh - I spoke to him before, a little - not about your feelings, that is not mine to share, but about how I felt. He gave me the very obvious advice that I needed to talk to you. So I did."

He's actually more curious (and anxious) about what Findekáno will have to say, but it feels fraught to push. 

"I guess I am worried that if I leave you'll - sit here fretting - so I would sort of rather talk, and then go ask them tonight."

"I suppose I might. I - would like it if you stayed, too." He falls silent, waiting. 

"Well, there you have it, then.

Do you - know what you want - more specifically, I mean -"

"I think not that specifically - unlike many things this is not something where I meaningfully have two thousand years of practice. I - like it when you touch me - I like being able to make you very happy... I will probably need some pointers for everything more specific than that." 

"Okay." He smiles at him. "I'm sorry this is so - like an interview - I love you and I want you to be happy and I want you to have nice things and I am sure we can figure out the rest but I have very little of it figured out right now."

Leareth smiles back. Tries to reassure the part of him that's still inexplicably scared, that this isn't a test he's failing, it's okay. "That is all right. At least I am not the only one who has very little figured out here." 

"Should I sing something?"

"Yes, I would like that." And maybe Leareth can come up with better answers to Maitimo's questions while he's doing that. 

Maitimo can snuggle him and sing silly love songs. 

He is having a really hard time getting a read on what Leareth wants, and he feels embarrassed about it. You would think that probably Maitimo was a good person to go to if you had a problem of not knowing what you wanted and instead he's just kind of stuck. It's presumably that Melkor has surrounded everything with badness so nothing is straightforwardly good. But knowing that it's Melkor doesn't make it feel less like a personal failing, less like he's just being stupid, and if he thought of the right thing then it'd all click into place and he'd know exactly how to give Leareth what he wants -

Leareth is - mostly pretty content, he's safe in Maitimo's arms and being sung to and Maitimo was happy, to find out, and that's good. He's a bit annoyed with himself, though, because clearly the helpful shape for him to be right now would involve...wanting things...and being able to tell Maitimo what he's hoping for, what would make him happy. And his mind is not being very obliging on that front. 

Wanting things is hard. In general, always, but - especially here, because he doesn't even have any pre-Angband habits to reach for, pretty much all he has is the concrete underlying goal, for Maitimo to be happy and have what he wants - and a vague floating sense that there's something that would be good, and then a lot of flinches. It's irritating. 

He spends a while poking at that and eventually decides that maybe some of it is helpful to say. :Wanting things is hard. It feels right to - try to practice, though, to - find something good, instead of just being scared: 

That makes sense. I was thinking we could mostly practice - things Melkor couldn't have managed to poison - I guess I shouldn't underestimate how many things Melkor can poison - but definitely we can practice lots of things, and stop if they're not working -

- I think if it were me, this would be very important to me, and so it's silly of me to have not thought through that it might be very important to you. 

Snuggle. :I mean, it was not - I would not have said it was important to me before, because Velgarth was - not safe, for loving people, and there were so many other things to do... But a number of things are different here. I am actually somewhat mad that all of my memories of - sex, and related things, are stupid Melkor scenarios. Usually involving Vanyel doing things that would be very implausible and out of character for him– please do not tell him that: 

Of course not! And - it makes sense to be mad about that. I would be really really happy, to find something better than that with you. 

:I would like that: 

It is a little bit hard, to snuggle him quietly and sing and not start trying to solve the mystery suddenly in front of him of what Leareth wants. But he should really, really talk to Vanyel and Findekáno about this.

Leareth doesn't try to start the conversation again. He focuses on the positive feelings he has about the situation, repeatedly redirects the parts of him which are scared of mysterious badness, and eventually notices he's both hungry and sleepy.