:I know: Maitimo is so good, and Leareth wants to give him everything, and he has no idea how. And every single sentence in this conversation feels like balancing on a tightrope.

Which is something Maitimo is going to notice as well. :I - everything you are saying to me makes me very happy, and - a bit scared. I think the scared is not about you and not your fault, just...: 

Yeah. It's okay. 

Is it more scary or less scary if I say that we needn't do anything today, or this month, that I can just hold you and tell I love you -

Leareth considers it. It's kind of hard question to answer. 

:I think mostly less scary: he decides. :Although, I - feel safer when I have a plan and - know what to expect in the future. I do not even think that is because of Melkor, it is just how I am. But maybe this is not something where having a plan makes sense. At some point I do wish to talk about things that we could try, in the future, even if I am not ready for that yet: And then he can have time to think about it and poke his feelings about it and get his head into a shape where any of this works. 

Okay. My plan is to take things very slowly and let you decide when they escalate and mostly only do things that I think Melkor could not have managed with a catatonic participant and hope we find something in there that makes us both happy.

:That makes sense: Leareth is a bit nervous that Maitimo will be impatient, but - Quendi are very patient, in general, and he suspects Maitimo is right about what will make this easier and less upsetting.

He tries to smile. :Mostly you should not turn into Sauron but I am not very worried you would be tempted to do that: 

Shiver. It's just me. I love you.

:I know: Leareth leans on him, closing his eyes. Stays quiet for a while, waits to see if Maitimo will say or do anything. 

He said it'd be less scary to take things very slow so Maitimo will just sit here and sing quietly and hold him.

:What are you thinking about?: Leareth asks finally, because it's both frustrating and pointless trying to guess. 

He considers for a moment whether to take off the amulet. On the one hand, Leareth feels very fragile and maybe the wrong thought will make him worse. On the other hand, maybe they shouldn't be trying this if he can't trust Leareth with the contents of his head - on another hand there's still the news about the gate though he thinks he can manage not to think about it - 

- Leareth must feel so powerless, and hate that -

He reaches for the clasp of the amulet. Would you like to -

:Oh. ...Not if it makes you uncomfortable. You could just tell me some of it, if you wanted: 

I was trying to figure out what you needed. I wish I had it all figured out for you but I don't, yet. I'm sure we'll get there. I was thinking about how - it's important for you not to feel powerless, here - 

:Mmm: Leareth spends a while turning all of that over in his head. :I mean, I am not sure how you could have all of this figured out for me when I do not. I - do not think I feel powerless right now. I mean, I dislike that I cannot do as many things as before and that - having plans is so difficult - but, feel that I noticed I wanted something and then asked about it and now you are trying very hard to help: 

Well, in my head when I imagined someday getting to have this I had it all figured out even though you did not and was able to help you discover all kinds of interesting things about yourself and you were very impressed. So it's annoying that it doesn't seem to actually work like that in real life.

:That is very sweet: Also it makes Leareth feel off-balance, again, and like it's his fault and he's doing something wrong, he's failing to give Maitimo anything to work with because he's too broken - but probably Maitimo isn't actually thinking about it that way and wouldn't want Leareth to and it seems unfair and unpleasant for him to dump all that mess on him. 

Can I pet your hair? For Quendi that'd be - it'd be too soon for that - but for humans it's different I think -

:...Yes - I liked it when you did that, before: And still managed to get tangled up and stuck on suggesting it, even though he knows Maitimo wants him to ask for things. It was the first indication that Maitimo was taking what he had said seriously, though, and doing something different as a result, something he'd wanted but hadn't felt he had a right to. 

Maitimo undoes his braid, very gently, and pets his hair, very gently. 

You're very wonderful, he says absentmindedly while he does this. I love you.

It's mostly quite pleasant; Maitimo is there and paying attention to him and seems happy, which Leareth is pleased about, and the associations are mostly neutral, although at one point something mysteriously startles him and he - freezes, and then goes limp, the instinctive response that catches him here is don'treactdon'tresponddon'thavethoughts–

He stops. Hey. It's okay. It's okay, you're safe.

It takes thirty seconds before he's able to respond even in Mindspeech. :I know. I am sorry, it was not - that just happens sometimes: 

Don't apologize to me. I know it does. It's okay. I should have asked in advance, though, what I can do to help, when it does -

:...I think mostly what you already do? Saying something reassuring and then holding still and waiting and - not trying to ask me questions until I am responding again, it gets very - I sort of shut down and cannot say things until I am calmer: 

That makes sense. It's okay. I don't mind. I don't expect you to magically not be traumatized anymore.

:I know: Maitimo is very patient and kind and good, and Leareth loves him, and he's so grateful. :I think I need you to - just hold me quietly, for a bit - and then I would like if you petted my hair some more: He wishes he had a better read on what Maitimo enjoys, but he's fairly sure Maitimo would only suggest doing things he was going to enjoy.