"I really doubt I'm going to get more rather than less up for it the longer we wait." 

"That's what I thought. What do you already know - or guess, I suppose?"

"Yfandes has a problem where she can't think about gods without - it getting really weird and her getting upset and scared and not being able to talk to me. This is obviously a Companion thing and probably because she was made that way by a god. You think it's fixable - I guess you must've fixed it, since you and Amshalan seem fine." 

"Yeah. We had the advantage that Amshalan kind of knew this was going to come up going in, and she has some practice thinking around the edges of the Companion thing. But I think Yfandes can probably do it too, it'll just be harder unless it turns out having Amshalan walk her through it is a huge advantage. It's - risky but I don't think you can keep doing what you're doing forever."

"No, I don't think so either." He takes a deep breath. Looks very embarrassed. "I do want to warn you that I - um, please try to panic about this less rather than more when I say this is kind of normal for me - I've been having a lot of thoughts about wanting to kill myself. I'm probably not going to act on that, but I've, er, misjudged that before, and this seems like it could make me feel worse in the short run if it's very stressful, so if I seem really upset afterward then - maybe don't let me head off alone." Vanyel says all of that while staring very determinedly at the ground. 

"Okay, noted, good to be aware of in advance."

Vanyel nods without meeting her eyes, still looking deeply embarrassed. 

And a Companion mare who is presumably Yfandes trots up. :Um, are we...?: Her mindvoice sounds incredibly nervous but also impatient. 

"Hi, Yfandes, it's nice to meet you. Uh. Amshalan and I think you'd be more comfortable in the long term if you - mimicked a thing she did related to the way Companion minds are put together, because that's not really working out for you and Vanyel right now." It feels like it would be mean to lean on Amshalan right in front of them but she registers to Amshalan privately that she kinda wants to.

:...That makes sense. We could go down to one of the grottoes by the river? It's more private and pretty comfortable: Yfandes starts walking. She doesn't offer Vanyel a ride, though; he walks three yards back from her. 

It also feels mean to ride Amshalan under the circumstances but if Belrun trips and falls into the river that will be worse so. Up she gets.

They reach a nice little grotto. It's dry and cozy inside, with some dead leaves blown in but otherwise clear, vines hanging a bit over the mouth. Yfandes nudges through and sits down. 

Vanyel slips inside and sits down as well, as far from Yfandes as he can manage. This is decently far, since there's comfortably enough space for two Companions and their humans.  

Belrun gets down once they're in and sits too. "So, uh, Yfandes, the thing we're trying to do here is Amshalan's thing, and... not Rolan's thing, so assuming you're on board with that plan you need to keep an eye on that, stop us if you're freaking out and might make a mistake, okay?"

:...Right. I - think I can manage? I'll try to warn you if that changes. If I go all quiet and stop answering questions I might be freaking out: 

"Good to know. Uh, your issues started when Vanyel repeated the thing I said about the Star-Eyed, right?"

:.....Yes: Yfandes sounds like she is trying to admit to it without actually remembering or thinking about it at all. 

"And that's hard to think about, because it's - putting the part of you that's loyal to Vanyel in conflict with the part of you that's trying to be his tomato-stake and prop him up in a specific direction, a direction that doesn't require particular reverence but does require not being outright set against the gods construed as a class."

:I - no - that could be it. I - keep having this weird double vision. When I think about it. It's...fine not to like everything the gods have done to us, I don't either, but - there's a certain stance to it, of - wanting to change it - and if I imagine Vanyel having that attitude, it's like part of me doesn't recognize him anymore. And there's this - almost disgust, I guess. Like wanting to spit out bad hay. Only it's...Van...and I can't. I absolutely won't. I'm not going anywhere. But - I still can't look at it: 

"So like - in general, with most things, if there's something objectionable about them, it's fine to want to change it. If he didn't like how his furniture was arranged, he could change it. If he didn't like how the phases of the moon were scheduled, he couldn't change it but he could want to, that would just be silly but not a huge deal, right?"

:Amshalan, a little help here? You know what it's like from the inside -:

:Hmm. It's like - I don't know exactly how to describe it, but part of what worked for me was trying to see you clearly. Because I think you're great, obviously, and that's on your own merit of course, but part of it is, hmm - reflected in the structure of the bond, I guess. And so I could sort of pit that against whatever the other thing was. Notice that I had to actually be able to look at you, in order to properly be your Companion, and being your Companion means that one of the things I'm for, magically speaking, is helping you... Does that make any sense?: 

Yfandes takes a while to answer and seems reluctant about it. :I...guess that's true of furniture. And I wouldn't be mad at him for disliking moon phases although I'd be a little confused: 

"It would be confusing because it's unlike him, right? What - hm - Yfandes, what is Vanyel like, in general as a person, tell me."

Vanyel looks self-conscious. 

:He cares a lot: Yfandes casts a brief fond look in Vanyel's direction before looking away again. :Too much, maybe. He - takes responsibility for a lot, doesn't cut himself a lot of slack. Sometimes he's reckless, but it's generally because he's trying and he cares. He's very curious, always tries to understand things...: