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lì a casa il cuore sentirai
velgarth bell and leareth become very upset
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Belrun is so close to getting this damned flu strain to calm down in this one egg. She copies the change across to a few more eggs' worth, iterates, writes everything down, and Fetches the egg that is getting scary into her pot of simmering water before it makes a break for it. It's getting on toward dark and if she keeps working she's going to have to do it by candlelight, and she doesn't like that - it's already too easy to bump into things when she can see them. She calls it a day and closes up the lab for the night and heads out to walk over to the university cafeteria. It's a nice evening, and it's Flatbread Night, and she's in a generally good mood.

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A building over, Leareth is also stepping outside, pausing by the wall to bid goodnight to another young student – he can check with her tomorrow morning what her final decision is, he understands she needs time to consider his proposal – and he instinctively scans the area for threats. Nothing in particular except, huh, student up ahead with native shields and they're really good ones–

This is the point at which the wall of the building he's standing six inches from explodes violently outward. 

–Leareth gets out half of a shout of warning and flings up a barrier in front of native-shields-girl and bubbles the other student in another shield and then slams hard into the cobbles a fraction of a second before most of the building collapses on him.

The emergency shield-talisman that he's wearing catches most of it, which is why he isn't dead, but it's not really specced against either a violent surprise explosion or most of the weight of two storeys of bricks, and it shatters before all the rubble can finish raining down. 

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A hail of shattered bricks bounces off an invisible wall a foot away from Belrun's head. Then the invisible wall vanishes, but at that point it's just dust and pebbles that patter down on her. 

Rather a lot of the street is currently on fire. 

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whatthefuck oh it's the mage students being idiots okay triage. She's fine for some reason. That guy over there is not fine. People in the building aren't fine but she can't see them well from here and also it's on fire. "HELP," she hollers, "SOMETHING EXPLODED, HELP, HELP, SOMETHING EXPLODED, FIRE, HELP -" She keeps repeating that on autopilot while she starts getting rubble off of people, scrabbling around on hands and knees to grab it and shift it aside, leaning on Fetching for the big stuff. How's this guy's neck doing - okay his neck is fine, so she doesn't have to be excruciatingly careful to get her arms under him and supplement with Fetching, not like he has a cracked vertebra that has to be held totally still. Everyone in the on-fire building is going to have to wait because she can't do anything about the fire, and anyway, they ought to be rushed to the infirmary by people who can in fact run; this one will tolerate a sedate walk. She carries him in and gets him a bed and shoos sluggish infirmary staff towards the site of the emergency.

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The young student from the earlier conversation, who is also mysteriously fine, backs up a few paces and stares around in horror and confusion and then starts looking to see if she can do anything to help with the fire, whatever. 

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What–

Leareth isn't unconscious for very long, maybe five minutes. His head hurts a lot but a quick check confirms he can use mage-sight, at least for half a second before it's too painful, which puts an upper bound on how seriously injured he can be. Lots of other parts also hurt but he can breathe all right, good. His shields are not working anymore. Less good but not much he can do about it yet. He seems to be indoors and on a bed and he can't remember how he got here. Not reassuring but he'll deal with it from here. 

Someone's there? He makes a noise. It doesn't quite qualify as talking. 

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"Hey there, you woke up. Something exploded, some people were being idiots," says the Healer currently squinting at a bruise on his side. "You're gonna be fine, full recovery most likely within a couple days, just sit tight. I might need to get you out of your clothes here, okay, but we keep cold water around for that and we can save 'em -" She looks up for a reaction to the clothes thing, sometimes people prefer to be undressed only under protest.

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"Thas'fine," he mumbles. Coughs, tries to summon a little more alertness. Oh, it's the young woman with the good shields, not that he's about to use any kind of Sight to check right now. She looks sort of familiar but he doesn't think she's someone he's met before. 

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"Here goes," she says, and Fetches them all into the laundry basket rather than jostle him around, he's got some nasty bumps. "I'm Healer Belrun, and I apologize if my bedside manner's rusty but a lot of people were caught in the explosion so I'm just gonna stick by you for now instead of assuming you'd be seen promptly by someone who normally deals with patients. Might even be swamped enough they give me a second one but probably not."

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"Noted. Thank you." Leareth frowns. "...Did you see another student? I was standing near her - is she all right...?" He remembers shielding both of them but not whether he managed to keep said shields up long enough to make a difference to the one standing way closer to the explosion. 

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"Short hair, beaky nose? She looked all right, walking wounded if that - friend of yours?"

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"I was meeting with her." He falls silent, thinking. Convenient, is the next thought he manages. "...What caused the explosion, do you know?" 

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"It was the mage research building, I don't know precisely what they get up to but there's a few who get lazy about their precautions. Can you roll over a quarter turn that way and I'll bandage this up -"

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Leareth does so. Grunts in pain. It's a relief he isn't badly hurt, but 'not badly hurt' can still add up to 'moving is ill-advised for the next while'. At least he didn't have any other urgent priorities tonight. 

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She works steadily, keeping up distracting chatter so he doesn't concentrate on feeling like he has been hit by that ton of bricks that hit him. She has a light accent in her Rethwellani while she talks about how it was Flatbread Night and she might be able to send a trainee for some and does he want chicken or beans, and what was he talking to his friend about, and should anyone be notified about his status and location, and what is his name?

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Leareth keeps his answers mostly short and boring. He doesn't need to trouble a trainee for dinner right now while he assumes they're all busy but beans would be fine once they have a chance - he was meeting with the student about a collaboration, doesn't give details - no need to notify anyone, he was visiting town alone. He is definitely not giving her his real name so he introduces himself as Arvad, somewhat at random but it's a name he goes under with some frequency so he's not going to forget what he told her. 

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It is a little chaotic in the building - most people were hit much worse by the explosion - so after Belrun has stepped out to see if anybody needs her urgently (they don't; she can't join melds) she goes and gets flatbread herself and brings it back, since the trainees are already running around fetching water and bandages and scrubbing bedpans and whatnot and her patient can be let alone long enough for her to get them both something to eat. She presents him with a flatbread full of beans, having eaten hers on the way. "Eat that whole thing, I don't know how often you wind up next to explosions but you're doing practically all the work on putting yourself back together here and that work is fueled with dinner, you'll wake up at midnight ravenous if you don't put away something now." And she resumes knitting together things that must be knitted together and smoothing away stray blood released by bruises.

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"I try not to make a habit of standing near explosions." (This is not actually an answer to the question; Leareth has in fact had things explode at him a lot, including on occasions where he was hurt much worse, or killed – if this was an attempt on him it was a rather halfhearted one.)

He munches through the flatbread, which is a good excuse not to talk much while he re-orients. He's in less pain now but increasingly tired, which is also as expected given how Healing works. 

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"Commendable of you. You didn't get hit as badly as I'd have expected, you were so close to the building," she remarks, brushing his hair away from a scratch on his head.

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"I am an Adept-class mage and I was shielded." 

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"That'll do it." She yawns. "I'll be back in the morning but I'm going to knock off soon, okay? You'll be all right. Night shift is good people, if you need anything, but if I were you I'd sleep for ten candlemarks straight."

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He's yawning as well. "Thank you." Seriously though does he know her from somewhere, she is - very weirdly familiar. Surprisingly interesting even though she's done nothing but make small talk to distract him. "Goodnight."

The infirmary should be pretty safe but he sets some passive wards around his room anyway and then falls asleep. 

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She's back in the morning, with breakfast in case the concept of breakfast was lost in the shuffle; there are so seldom medical emergencies affecting a dozen people on campus that it's not a bad guess. "Morning, Arvad, how're you feeling?"

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Mumblewhat oh right. "Better, thank you." She's...pretty? waitwhat why is that a salient thing to think about, weird. 

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"I got you some eggs," she says.

"Those had better be from the cafeteria," calls a passing other Healer bustling down the hall.

"Yes, Dallar, they're from the cafeteria!" she replies. "Sorry, running joke that I should not feed people eggs, I use them for research stuff."

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"Oh? I have not heard of that in Healing research before." 

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"I mostly don't see patients - I'm not going to accidentally turn you inside out, I know the basics, but I mostly do research on microbes. The microbes need something to live on while I'm looking at them and eggs are really convenient for it because they're meant to stay alive on their own without much maintenance and they come with their own containers. But in spite of the fact that my lab has a very large sign with very large letters saying not to eat the eggs, some people think it is hilarious to imagine me serving someone an egg full of the flu. Which probably wouldn't even be that bad, it's a respiratory illness, you'd have to somehow inhale it, but nevertheless disrecommended."

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"Really! I have never heard of anybody working with it that way before." And he's heard of a lot of things. "Would it still be infectious if the eggs were cooked?" 

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"No, that's what I do when I'm done with an egg, I boil it and everything in it dies. And also these eggs are from the cafeteria. Eat them, you're not going to get less hungry just thinking about them."

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"If you tell me about any interesting discoveries you have made?" He starts eating. 

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"Sure, if you like. So the flu comes in a tremendous number of different sorts, I insisted on naming them for a while but I've fallen back on numbers -" She can chatter about this for quite a while as she's working on his various injuries.

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She's very interesting! He keeps forgetting to eat and having to remind himself. 

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"- so in the ideal case it'd just be a strain that outcompeted all the normal flus and barely gave you the sniffles, but I think probably an intermediate stage will be something administered per-person. But that'd still be a big deal, because we can identify who's likeliest to die of something, and who's likeliest to spread it, and preferentially protect them, even if it's not a very scalable outlay of labor such that everyone can - I'm rather blathering, sorry."

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"No, no – that is one of the cleverest things I have ever heard, I am not sure why it never occurred to me..." 

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"Occurred to you? How interdisciplinary, usually mages just do mage things."

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...Oh, right, that was not a usual thing to say, he - really wasn't being very careful for some reason. "I suppose I am more interdisciplinary than most." 

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"More people should be that way," she opines. "Anyway, the flu changes on its own a lot, and I collect and study all the instances I can and correlate them with how serious they are and how many people caught it. I'm also looking into dysentery recently - I went and visited my father and there was an outbreak of it where he lives and I went and hassled everyone about it and took all the samples home, it's very different from the flu, more alive."

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Wow Leareth wants to say about six different things at once and is torn between 'what do you mean, more alive', 'where does your father live then' and 'I hope you collected those samples very carefully'. He goes with the last one first since it's not a question and then asks what she means by 'more alive'. 

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"Yes, very carefully, that one will get you if you ingest it . Uh, the flu is smaller? It has fewer parts, and it's much less like any tiny part of a person or an animal than a bit of dysentery is. - I think I need to change the gauze on your leg there and this room is out, one moment -" She gets up and heads for the supplies, but slips and hits the side of her head on the doorframe. "Ow ow ow - thank you Dallar -" She accepts Dallar's help back to her feet.

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Leareth is slower than usual, he doesn't react fast enough to catch her with magic, but he finds himself on his feet - ow that was, in fact, ill-advised and not only because he is technically not wearing clothes. "...Belrun, er, are you all right?"

He sits back down on the bed, a bit sheepishly, why is he so startled and alarmed about it she is obviously fine and she must think that he's acting very oddly about it. 

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She steadies herself with her hand on the doorframe. "I'm fine, happens all the time, what were you doing out of bed? I didn't say you could get out of bed yet, you'll hurt yourself! This afternoon maybe if you haven't messed up your leg putting weight on it early you can walk down the hall - are you okay -"

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"I am fine - I am in bed," he points out. He's very dizzy, it turns out that lying flat for twelve hours and then going all the way to standing up in half a second is a bad plan, but he's not going to tell her that– oh no she's got Healing-Sight she can probably tell. He lies down again. 

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"Thank you. I have been working very hard on you and will thank you not to ruin it just because I tripped. I trip a lot and it hasn't killed me yet. I am going to go get gauze. Do not do anything silly while I am doing so." She goes and gets gauze. His clothes are back from the laundry too and after she has rebandaged the offending wound she can help him get into them.

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Great now she is going to talk to him like he's six. Leareth is so mysteriously self-conscious about it too. Also about the getting dressed with her help part, which is just really confusing. 

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"There you go," she says when this office is completed. "Sorry for snapping at you."

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"That is all right. I apologize for doing something silly." Is he...going to blush about it...all right what is happening. 

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"It happens. Not around me, usually, but usually my patients are eggs, and I'd have to really not be paying attention to let one hatch." She pats his now-reasonably-uninjured forearm. "I'll see about that knee and after lunch you can walk a bit."

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...Something very weird is happening – does she have some sort of bizarre Wild Gift that she's using on him – he can't tell if she's a Mindspeaker, if she is she doesn't seem aware of it but it would explain those shields - still wouldn't explain the fact that she is taking up way too much of his attention right now... It made sense when she was talking about groundbreaking research, she's clearly a very exceptional person, but - that doesn't explain his reaction to her tripping, at all.

He tightens his shields a lot. ...All right, whatever it is, is happening a bit less now. 

"All right," he says on automatic. 

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She works on his knee. Lunch is brought by someone whose actual job is bringing lunch. She conducts him down the hall and back.

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Weird thing is still weird but less so as long as he's shielding really, really well. Got to be some sort of Wild Gift. It takes him until lunch to remember that he missed checking in with the mage-student – he should try to find her before he leaves town, probably. 

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"So, I have to teach a class, and keep my office hours, and check on my eggs," she says when she's gotten him back in bed, "but it looks like there's enough slack today that Dallar can look in on you if you need anything, and I can come check in after dinner, okay, Arvad?"

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"All right, thank you," maybe once she's not in the room anymore the Wild Gift or whatever it is will stop affecting him and he can figure out how to shield against it properly before she gets back. Avoiding her would be another option but - he really does want to hear more about her research - seems pretty unlikely he can recruit her or that it would even make sense to do so with his current plans but it's weirdly tempting...

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She pats his arm again on his way out.

 


She isn't back after dinner.

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Leareth has spent the afternoon mostly thinking. 

At first it seems like it's fine now that she's left. Leareth can focus on wrangling someone into sending a message to the mage-school, getting in a conversation with his contact there. She's pretty shaken up about being next to a large explosion, which doesn't incline her to leaving right away even for a very exciting project. Leareth tells her this is very understandable and he can send someone to check in with her in six months or so.

...He's still thinking about Belrun. Including facts about Belrun that aren't at all related to whether it's worth trying to recruit her. Like her hair. Why is he thinking about her hair. It's not like it's shockingly unusual in some way. His mind keeps tugging back to how she skillfully helped him keep his balance on the hallway walk and that's not interesting, she's a Healer, obviously she knows how to do that–

When the hypothesis occurs to him, he is immediately kicking himself that he didn't think of it yesterday. To be fair, the reason he didn't think of it yesterday is because it feels shockingly low probability. He can't confirm or deny it for sure from here, from introspection alone it's going to be difficult to pick apart 'bizarre Wild Gift' from 'the gods are messing with him again and this time their strategy is a lifebond.'

It's been less than a full day – if he skips town right away it probably won't get worse–

but that feels very unfair to her, he should at least warn her or explain or something (definitely this is not just an excuse to see her face again...fine there is probably some element of that too, that doesn't mean it's not also the pragmatic thing to do.) 

When she doesn't come back after dinner, it takes him a shockingly short amount of time to start panicking about it. (Stupid fledgling lifebond, making him feel emotions that he isn't deciding to feel, this is very frustrating.)

–can he feel her at all? On the one hand it's bad news if he can because it means he can no longer solve this by running away - but if he can't it might mean that she's dead because that was the gods' plan, and even though that would sort of be good news in the sense that he's not in horrible pain over it and therefore the gods mistimed it as an attempt to incapacitate him, it would also mean she was dead and that is very unacceptable. 

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It's faint through all the shields but she is not dead!

She is instead very upset!

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Shitshitshit what are they doing to her - this is also completely unacceptable - if the plot was to capture her and torture her or something then Leareth is furious about it, and the fact that this isn't an emotion he's deciding to have or would normally feel about it doesn't matter.

He gets up; he's still feeling a bit shaky but he can walk fine and he can fight if he has to. Should he be calling in backup? Maybe not quite yet, figure out what's going on first and then he'll know what kind of reinforcements he needs to Gate in and won't end up doing it twice. 

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"You feeling better?" asks Dallar from down the hall.

(BELRUN REMAINS VERY UPSET.)

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"Very much. Thank you. I need to - run an errand..." He flees before anyone can try to decide he's not allowed to. 

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Dallar doesn't chase him.

Belrun and all her being very upset arrrrre - that way!

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Then he will head that way! Not quite running because if he's about to end up in a fight he would rather not be out of breath going into it. Fortunately it seems like she's not too far.

Leareth scans the area for nodes, finds several. There are a lot of other mages in the city who will wonder what's going on but that's fine. He won't be sticking around for them to ask questions, he's going to get her out of here and bring her somewhere safe up north where the gods don't have any foothold– It occurs to him that she probably won't be very happy about this, but he can explain after, he can set her up with everything she needs to keep doing her research–

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Belrun is in that library over there.

She is alone and unharmed and sobbing into her arms in a carrel full of books titled things like Lifebonds and The Deepest Love and Magical Bonds Compared.

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Oh. 

...This makes a lot of sense, because she's smart. 

Leareth tosses up shields around that corner of the library and skims the surface thoughts of anyone who isn't shielding to check that, no, it doesn't seem like any of them are here with the intention of assassinating her. Then he approaches. 

"Belrun? It appears we have both had the same realization." 

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"Mrrrrg," she says into her elbow unhappily.

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"It appears you are not any more pleased about it than I am." Whyyy does he want to hug her about it, as a general rule Leareth does not hug people. 

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"This guy," she lifts her head enough to talk and taps Magical Bonds Compared, "thinks it's too late, but it wouldn't have been if I hadn't stayed up so late last night that I didn't write in my journal before going to bed and had noticed then and immediately fled the city, so, sorry, I'm an idiot."

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"I also suspect it is too late, judging by the fact that I was able to find you here. I apologize for not realizing last night or sooner today – I noticed something odd but I thought you had some kind of Wild Gift with mind-effects and that shielding would correct it. I placed - very low priors - on this being the explanation, but in hindsight I think that was incorrect. What caused you to notice?"

He is bizarrely curious about what she's thinking - no, fine, it isn't confusing at all, it's just, lifebond. 

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"Nobody came to my office hours so I had a minute where I wasn't busy to think literally at all? It's not subtle once I'm not in 'don't lean into the unprofessional opinion on the patient while on the job' mode."

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"I think you were quicker on the uptake than I was. I am impressed." Is that because it's objectively impressive or because he's apparently lifebonded to her and likely to find anything she does impressive? No, actually, this does look like an unusual level of self-awareness. 

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She faceplants on the desk again. "Thanks," she says, muffled.

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Leareth glances around, puts up a sound-barrier around them so that librarian over there won't listen in on this next part. "This is extremely inconvenient and not what either of us wanted to happen but we need to decide what to do based on the fact that it did happen. I am very sorry about this but I have reason to think this could mean you are in danger. This is unfair to you, it would be as a plot against me, but – I do not think I can ensure your safety in this city and therefore I think you need to leave." 

(He definitely could just yoink her through a Gate right this second before doing the explanations part, that would be best for safety margin, except, no he cannot actually do that, because his brain is screaming at him that it would be disrespectful and she would be justifiably even more upset and furious and - apparently that's enough of a reason to stop him.)  

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"Couldn't we just not tell anybody? I haven't told anybody, have you been shouting from rooftops - why are you in this city if people plotting against you are around and you can't ensure a person's safety here -"

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That's a very reasonable reaction, really. "I am not talking about people. I have not told anyone, obviously, and as far as I know there is nobody plotting against me specifically in this city," although if he's right about the scheme here, there could be all sorts of threats he's unaware of. "There are - other forces - that have certain opinions about my activities, and I am sure They would think a lifebond was a very clever trick to stop me, and...I would rather not explain everything here in a public location." 

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Great, she's lifebonded to a guy with paranoid delusions. "Where would you rather talk? I have a dorm room but the soundproofing isn't great."

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"Can I Gate you to a place outside the city where nobody knows to look for you?" She's probably going to say no. Very understandably. 

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"I realize it would be very stupid of you to murder me but that leaves lots of options so I would sooner you did not do that, no."

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"Fair enough. We can go to your dorm room." And he'll put lots of shields around it and be ready to drop her through a Gate the instant anything so much as twitches in her direction. 

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She leads him to her dorm room. It is small and tidy and has a lot of notebooks in it. "Don't open those," she tells him, gesturing at the shelf of them.

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"All right, I will leave them alone." He's tempted to bring up the fact that he also likes to keep extensive records of his life and his thoughts about it, but - it doesn't really seem like the top priority here is bonding over things they have in common. 

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She sits on her bed, leaving him the desk chair. "So some... non-people... are after you, and you think merely not announcing... this... will not help."

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Shields shields shields so many shields. He's trying to put the information that needs conveying in a sensible order that minimizes the chance she straight-up won't believe him – she'll probably straight-up not believe him anyway, though, it's just that weird. 

"How old are you?" is the question that comes out first. 

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"Twenty-two, why?"

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"I am aware that this will sound very implausible and you are probably not going to believe me. However. I am immortal and about two thousand years old. The gods of Velgarth do not like me very much because I keep trying to change things. They have gotten fairly creative in the past in terms of their plots to stop my work or slow me down, but this is a new one. Gods are, however, perfectly capable of setting up a lifebond and then arranging that a convenient accident happen such that we meet and are both too distracted to catch on before it is too late. They are also perfectly capable of arranging some additional convenient accidents if they so wish. Though I am not certain that their goal would have been to kill you, rather than simply distracting me." 

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"Has, uh, has anyone ever suggested you see a Mindhealer - I guess thinking the gods are out to get you wouldn't make that less scary -"

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Sigh. That is such a reasonable, smart response. Unfortunately Belrun is wrong about what's going on here but he can't blame her at all. 

"There is a Mindhealer back home who I trust," he says, "but I am not going to ask you to go through a Gate on my say-so right now, that would be highly unreasonable on my part."

(He could just scoop her through a Gate anyway? That would be safest? Except she would be so mad about it and therefore he is utterly incapable of reasoning objectively about it.)

"If there is someone you trust and could swear to secrecy, I suppose I could speak to them and we could get confirmation one way or another," he says, very neutrally. 

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"No, it was suggested I see a Mindhealer about whatever it is that makes me panic and fall out of Healing-melds but unfortunately the thing that makes me panic and fall out of Healing-melds is not wanting people in my head. So I don't have one on tap." Her knuckles are very white around her quilt.

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"I apologize that this situation is so stressful and bizarre." Leareth feels really terrible about it, which is uncharacteristic of him and is clearly because lifebonds are the worst thing and he and Belrun are currently, to some extent, mind-controlling at each other. No wonder she's so upset about it.

Leareth can shield very hard and calm down to the extent he can manage and see if that helps Belrun have any idea of what problem-solving can be done here. 

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"Immortal, huh? That one's... less common than paranoia."

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"I confess I have never had reason to research which delusions are more common than others."

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"My mother said if I was going to be terrified of Mindhealers I should at least read a few books they wrote. Didn't really help with the Healing-meld problem though."

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"Mmm." Why is he so self-conscious, this isn't helping at all.

"I did set up a few contingencies to prove my immortality if I ever wished to do so," he thinks to say eventually. "Though perhaps it would be better to first ask if you have ideas of what would change your mind on the matter of whether I am delusional." 

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"Uh, let's see. If you can prove you're immortal that'll make the gods being mad at you way more plausible and it also seems easier to prove. If I were immortal and two thousand years old I'd have... lots of notes and stuff in caches all over the place, immortal friends, backdoors into various institutions improbably unrelated to one another, I'd speak a lot of old languages, I'd be able to claim credit for various historical events but that one's harder to demonstrate to a third party as more than a gift for storytelling..."

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"Hmm. I do not have very many immortal friends – you might say that the gods closed the loophole I used after they realized I was using it, and - most of the people who would be willing to use it are not people I would wish to have it, anyway."

Is the part where he should specify that he is, by standard moral standards, definitely not a good person? Prooobably but what he should do and what he is doing seem to be different things right now. Stupid lifebonds.

"I am acquainted with Taver, the current Groveborn Companion in Valdemar," he offers. "We met about seven hundred years ago, he ought to remember our conversation. That, however, is not near here. I do, however, have a cache of notes and supplies very close to this city." Rethwellan has a lot of them. "Also, if there is a Temple to Astera nearby, I have a backdoor with them which I mostly use to courier messages in code." 

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"I don't know whether there's one nearby but there probably is. I guess I could... bring you to meet my dad and stop in Haven... how far off is the cache?"

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"A day's ride from here. Valdemar is a much longer journey unless you are willing to Gate." Also it's...questionably a good idea for him to show up in Haven in person. At least Vanyel is the only person who knows what he looks like; he can do his best to avoid that. "Are you from there originally, or did your father move from here?" 

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"I am from Valdemar originally, my parents are divorced, and when I was nine I finally convinced my mother to move so the nightmare horses couldn't get me. Probably wasn't necessary, they usually leave Healers be and it transpires I am one, but we're settled here now."

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"The nightmare horses? That is a nickname I have not heard before." Leareth smiles despite himself. "I think we have several things in common. I would also flee the country immediately if I thought there was any chance at all that a Companion might want me." He has not especially worried about the second part in the past. 

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"They are horses. They gave me nightmares. My mother dawdled for a very long time and said 'why do you even think a Companion would want you' and I said 'anyone would want me, I'm great'. And I have evaded them and now this is happening to me but at least I have never specifically had nightmares about immortal mages, I guess!"

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Leareth cannot help briefly grinning and then tries to stop because that's not very respectful of her obvious distress (which he is very aware of and now he's upset about it too) and also why

"I am really sorry about this!" he says. "I have noticed that you are great, but trust me, if I had any say in it my response to it would not be lifebonding to you!" 

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"Yeah. Sorry. I know it's not your fault."

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"Well. What do you want to do now? It does not make sense to head for the notes cache tonight and, whether or not we are lifebonded, I suspect you perhaps do not want me sleeping in your dorm room." (Leareth also doesn't want to sleep in her dorm room! That seems so awkward!) 

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"It's not really furnished for that, among other things. Ugh. I need to - think. How do I find you now that you're not occupying a Healer's bed, I'd rather not stumble around trying to navigate by mind-control-compass if I can avoid it."

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"Of course. Hmm." Leareth thinks and then gives the a name of an inn that isn't too far from here. "I will go stay there tonight and then we can figure out the next step from here." 

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"Okay. I'm going to just cancel everything I had on tomorrow and I will come find you when I'm a little more straightened out, I guess. I am going to warn my mother that I have gotten lifebonded and the other party would to the conventional observer seem kind of off and she should be concerned if she doesn't hear from me, so kindly don't arrange to concern her."

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"I really have no desire to concern your mother!" He doesn't at all! That would be so distressing– waitwhat, oh, right, lifebond making him feel feelings, great. 

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"Gah isn't there any way to turn this thing off, how are we supposed to have a normal conversation if saying anything sets off stupid little cascades -"

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"I am not sure." Leareth shields even harder. It...doesn't do that much more. "...We could sit in different rooms and pass each other notes under the door? I am not sure how much that would help though." 

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"I think not very much. Actually it might be worse because we wouldn't be able to tell by exact timing what parts of the notes the other party was reacting to and so we'd be radiating confusion and anxiety on top of everything else probably." She sighs. "What's your project that has the gods so riled up about you, entertaining the premise here -"

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He almost tells her

–Wow lifebonds are very mind-altering, it's one thing for it to make him conclude that she's interesting and smart and shiny and another for him to feel like he can trust her with all of his plans! 

"I generally do not share that information the day after meeting someone," he says, "-I seem to want to tell you anyway but I suspect this is because lifebonds are terrible." 

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"Okay, uh, I guess far be it from me to deny somebody their privacy but your assumption here is that this has happened specifically so that someone can, what, stab me and cripple you by proxy, and this is obviously extremely objectionable under any circumstances but if you actually think it's going to happen I'd like to register that I'd find it slightly less objectionable if I knew why the fuck in advance. Doesn't have to be today."

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"That is very understandable and also I would prefer not to make that decision when I am experiencing mind-altering effects from being in the same room as you," Leareth says. "I am going to go get some sleep, and think about it, and hopefully I can make a decision by tomorrow." 

Pause. 

"...For general background, what is your opinion on people with a great deal of hubris?" 

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"That seems like a very general question. It's like asking what my opinion of stubbornness is! It depends what it's about!"

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"Would you consider, oh, eradicating all of the diseases in the world to be a project worth taking on, or does that seem like the sort of plan only an insane person would think humans can carry out?" 

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"I mean, it sounds like it would take a while considering how frustrating the flu alone is, but if I were immortal it'd go on the list?"

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"Would you choose to be immortal if you could?" 

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"Yes? Is this a trick question, is it actually horrible somehow -"

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"No! You would just be surprised at the number of people who think it that only very bad people want to be immortal because death is part of the natural order, and that therefore being immortal has to be secretly terrible in some way. ...I mean, most of the ways of becoming immortal that I know of do involve some kind of cost. Which I am more willing to pay than most people." 

What if she thinks he's terrible why does he care if she thinks he's terrible, probably most people do and he is normally fine about this, lifebonds are so dumb

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"I would like in the abstract to be immortal but please check with me about the some kind of cost before getting me any of the ways of becoming immortal that you know of for my birthday."

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"I will keep that in mind; most of them would require your cooperation to set up in any case." 

Leareth heads out. He puts about six layers of passive wards in expanding circles around Belrun's dorm room; they shouldn't bother anyone and if any gods do have plots literally scheduled for tonight then it ought to give him enough time to Gate in before anyone can reach her.

With slightly less ambient distraction, he tries to write out the pros and cons of telling her everything about his plans. She has a good point about it being kind of unfair and objectionable not to, on the other hand, he would probably think that anyway because he is unavoidably biased here. Lifebonds

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She sits up in a controlled simmer of despairing fury for another two candlemarks and then goes to sleep!

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Nothing tries to kill her or blow up her dorm building overnight! 

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Good.

In the morning she cancels everything. No class, no office hours, would anyone like five points of extra credit to make sure none of her eggs are trying to start a plague today thanks. She gets her next door neighbor to bring breakfast. She has a great many emotions all over a great many sheets of paper. She shows up at "Arvad's" inn.

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He feels her coming and heads out front to meet her. This is possibly the one, single, convenient thing so far. 

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"Good morning." She seems to be trying not to look directly at him.

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Avoiding looking at her doesn't make her presence much less distracting but it maybe helps at all. "So. Do you wish to go look at my supplies and notes cache near town, or see if there are any coded messages I can decode for you at the Temple of Astera?" 

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"Temple's closer, I asked and there's one six blocks that way." She points.

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They can head over to the temple!

"...Oh, right, I remembered. I gave you a false name before, in the infirmary, and it seems only polite to rectify that now, though Arvad is in fact a name I have gone by. The name I currently go by is Leareth, though." 

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"Oh. Well, it's more aesthetic, at any rate."

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"Thank you." Why does he care if she likes his name this is not important. 

They get to the temple. Leareth goes in and asks to see their library, and gives the librarian a passphrase, which gets him a more senior priest a few minutes later, to whom he gives several additional code phrases, and this earns him a very surprised look but also some correspondence, they've got a couple non-urgent letters that were waiting to be picked up by someone locally. Convenient, he'll get his mail faster too.

They are in code. "Where would be a good place to sit down and decipher these properly?" 

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"We passed a park? I don't know what your privacy standards are here."

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"I can do privacy with magic." He's mostly counting on the fact that nobody in the city knows who he is and that if something happens he can Gate them out in about five seconds. 

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"You didn't seem to think so yesterday in the library." But she sets off parkward.

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"It is much easier if people are not going to end up sitting five feet away. Also I hope this will be quick and I can show you the result in writing." Also he's feeling slightly less paranoid now that it's been overnight and there hasn't been a murder attempt on either of them. He surveys the park - if it's mostly empty that's fine, if it's very crowded he would rather find somewhere different. 

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There is a nice empty bench to be had. She leaves six inches between them when she sits on it.

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Leareth makes sure there's no one within ten feet, and puts up several different variants of privacy spell, which is probably overkill but whatever. He decodes one of the letters, writes it out in Rethwellani. It's short and not sensitive, good, he knows it's about the number of graduates of various mage-schools in Rethwellan this year, but to Belrun it won't be at all obvious what it's about, except that it clearly is a real letter that's about something. 

He shows her. 

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She attempts to figure out how the code works so it's clear he's not just making something up on the spot.

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Leareth considers explaining just enough that she can do the first few words herself, and then decides to sit back and see if she can get it on her own. She's clearly very smart and he will be impressed if she can. 

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She can do this with sufficient margin notes.

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All right, wow, that is very impressive and kind of terrifying, it's not one of the really secure codes because this is a very mundane message but still, she could probably get that too if you gave her weeks and the resources for it - and that's not even her field, she's a Healer who studies diseases by growing them in eggs, and, and–

Leareth is fairly sure that this is not just the lifebond talking and all of that is objectively impressive, especially in someone who is only in her early twenties, but he's not completely sure. Also all the shields in the world aren't going to stop him leaking some amount of 'wow!' through the lifebond to her. 

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"Wait, were you having me do this part because you thought it'd be cool if I could extrapolate your cipher? I thought it was so I could be sure you were actually decoding letters held by the Temple of Astera and not just doing extemporaneous composition."

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"I mean, I assumed you had a reason for wanting to do it other than showing off, and that is a sensible one, but that does not mean it is not additionally impressive." 

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"Okay. Sorry. Generally kind of touchy."

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"About people thinking that you are impressive? Or something more broad than that?" He should try to avoid upsetting her. This isn't something Leareth is normally optimizing for, and he may or may not be any good at it, but his emotions have decided to care way too much about whether she is upset. 

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"About mind-control-based emotions and behaviors flying around in any direction."

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"Fair enough. I am not exactly pleased about the fact that I keep having emotions I did not decide to have. ...Is that related to why you cannot do Healing-melds?" 

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"Healing-melds and horse nightmares and not being willing to see a Mindhealer and yesterday being the worst day of my life, yep, all one package labeled in large letters 'stay out of my head'. I suppose it could be worse, you could be one of those people who thinks it's terribly romantic."

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"I am not inclined to care which things are romantic or not, and even if I did I would not find lifebonds romantic." 

...Also they are going to have an enormous fight about this, possibly quite shortly in the future, and he really isn't looking forward to it, even though it adds zero new information to his model of the world that many people - probably most people - think a lot of what he's willing to do is terrible. 

Maybe the gods' entire plan, instead of killing her, was to lifebond him to someone who cares a lot about ethics so that he'll drop using any methods that involve mind control or whatever else turns out to upset her, and then he won't have enough layers of precautions for a plot against the gods and it won't work and if gods were the sorts of beings that could laugh about things they would probably be laughing at him right now. 

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She finishes decoding the letter. "Okay. I think the letter is good enough I'll take a Gate to the cache, save some riding. I'm not good at it."

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"Fair enough. That is fine with me." 

Leareth will head off in the direction of the nearest place where a Gate won't be extremely obvious and suspicious. It's going to be a little obvious, but Rethwellan, unlike Valdemar, is full of mages and is not specced with a system to detect non-state-sanctioned magic use. 

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Follow follow. "I've never been through a Gate before."

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"It can be a little disorienting - careful not to trip–" He starts to offer her his hand and then worries this is patronizing or something and now he is almost blushing again and why. 

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She considers for a moment, sighs, and takes his arm in a businesslike manner and squeezes his hand in a less businesslike manner and then blushes furiously.

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The gods have to be laughing at him right now – also he is having such weird feelings about the age difference here, not that there's really any way for it not to be weird when you're two thousand. 

They step through the Gate. He's opened it directly into the building where everything is kept because why not.

The walls are plain stone. There are sturdy shelves of wood treated with preservation spells, and boxes on the shelves, and the boxes are full of books and notes. There are a LOT of notes in this room. 

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"Wow. Should I not look at them -"

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"I think most of these are in ancient Kaled'a'in or the language of the Eastern Empire, if you read either of those I will be very surprised." 

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"No, just the two." She picks up a book at random.

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It is full of neat, dense handwriting, interrupted with line breaks and what are presumably dates. Without being able to actually read it, it looks more like a high-level summary than her own notebooks do. 

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She flips through it, scans pages, puts the book back gently, picks up another. When she's looked through that one too, she sits down on the floor of the room. "Wow," she says. "Two thousand years old, gods are mad at you, and this is the first time they try this strategy, really? I mean in theory you could have just cottoned on earlier before but you were surprised -"

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"I am very confused! I did worry about it for centuries and eventually assumed they were not able to do it - I have not noticed failed attempts, though I suppose they could have failed because I never met the intended people." 

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"Books were ambiguous on how compatible people have to be."

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"Hmm. From the very limited information I have about you so far, it seems we are rather compatible in some ways – the tendency to keep copious documentation of our lives being one – and rather incompatible in others. Which I am beginning to suspect could be the point. I do not make a habit of caring what others think of my choices, but if a lifebond - forces me to care - then perhaps they wish to change who I am so that I stop doing the things they dislike. I am not exactly pleased about this." 

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"Is there something I should know about here," she says. In mid-sentence she gives up trying not to look directly at him and turns around to face the opposite wall instead.

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His records room is very well-shielded and it's not as good as being up in the far north but it's probably safe for a longer conversation. Leareth gets down a crate to sit on, offers Belrun one as well. 

"I became immortal because I grew up in a kingdom with a large number of problems," he says. "I wished to fix them – to eventually build a world where nobody was suffering for stupid reasons such as hunger or disease or war. I have been very ruthless in doing so, especially once I realized that the gods were the cause of all the implausible accidents disrupting my plans. I am willing to do many things that are unethical in the process. I suppose we could go through the list and you can scream at me about it." 

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She sits on the crate facing away from him. "I... guess there are worse reasons... is screaming at you going to help somehow or is it just so bad you expect me to scream involuntarily."

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"I expect you to be upset and angry?" Why does he caaaare so much this is miserable and it's a kind of misery he has no practice dealing with at all. "Shouting is not going to help at all with anything but it seems very possible it would happen anyway." 

Sigh. 

"In the long run I am very against death. However, in the shorter run, I am willing to use plans that involve killing people and I generally do not feel bad about this, if I judge it to be the correct strategic move. I suppose I could give you examples of times where this has come up in my history." 

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"Well, you're immortal, that's new and different, do you think you can fix it later or -"

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"Reincarnation is already something that happens in the world, and some of the gods have ways of doing it that include memories of the past life. My method does, though - not all of them, which is why I keep such thorough records. I think I can eventually fix it." 

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"Well, congratulations on the relatively defensible in expectation murder, I guess."

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"I have also been quite willing to use blood-magic when it seemed strategically justified, even though nearly everywhere in the world this is much more taboo than murder. I do not think it is actually worse than murder, in the contexts where I used it – there are some considerations such as damage to the local magic flows, but this can be mitigated. I legalized blood-magic as a source of mage-power in the first empire I founded after my...initial death and return. Everybody was doing it anyway and there was no other reliable source of energy to, for example, fix the weather so that crops could be harvested successfully – I ran the numbers on this, anticipated deaths from starvation versus the blood-magic, and it seemed a clear win. Also it meant that I could select the - victims - to be convicted criminals, rather than mostly farmers' young children."

Leareth feels strongly like he is making lots of excuses in hopes to avoid being yelled at, which is not a motivation he endorses, but it's happening anyway. This isn't even the part he expects her to react worst to. He really should have opened with that, gotten it over, but - aauuugh. Stupid lifebond. 

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She doesn't yell, just rests her chin in her hands, still looking away. "Okay," she murmurs.

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She is taking this surprisingly calmly but that...does not actually make Leareth any less terrifying about the emotional backwash he's sure is about to hit him when he tells her the next thing. 

He grits his teeth. Get it over with. "The way I think does not generally involve treating any specific thing as sacred. There are some things I recognize are quite bad and am willing to do anyway when I judge it is strategically justified. These things include using Thoughtsensing to read people's minds when I am worried about a threat in my surroundings - I did this in the library although not to you because you have shockingly good shields," feels important he specify that right away, and then say all the rest fast before the screaming can start, "and I am also willing to use compulsions or order other people to use them and this was also something I legalized in the empire I mentioned and now you can scream at me if you want." 

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She doesn't scream or even turn. She does shiver a little. He can tell without looking that she's miserable anyway, of course.

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This is agonizing, Leareth's entire hindbrain is screaming that Belrun is the most important thing and hurting her is the worst thing he can possibly do and it needs to be fixed right now - and he is fully aware that this has to be exactly what the gods want - and trying not to be as furious about this as he would naturally be because the last thing this conversation needs is more emotions sloshing around. 

"–also my method of immortality involves reincarnating into the bodies of my descendants who are appropriately mage-gifted and this kills them or rather evicts their soul to get reincarnated somewhere else, I tried half a dozen magical methods for immortality and this was the only one that survived the Cataclysm and worked and I also tried the version that didn't involve evicting the body's original inhabitant and sharing instead but it was changing who I was and I decided that was riskier than killing a small number of additional people."

He says all of that very fast in a flat monotone and then turns around to face the wall because aaaaa. 

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This still doesn't get her to yell.

She holds very still, pinched-off emotional backwash rippling all over the place for a minute and then stilling like she's concentrating on something, and then it dips into a low murmur of grief and she starts crying very softly, wrapping her arms around herself.

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Oh no this is awful - he doesn't understand why she's crying but it is clearly his fault and this is terrible and he is suddenly feeling overwhelming guilt and shame, neither of which are emotions he has chosen to feel in the last several decades because they generally aren't helpful, but this means he has no idea how to usefully redirect away from them. 

"I am...sorry...?" Apologizing for the entirety of who he is as a person is so pointless. Leareth wants to personally storm out and murder the god who decided this lifebond was a clever idea because - they can mess with him, they do that all the time, he is completely used to being murdered horribly, he's even pretty desensitized to the inevitable collateral damage - but they made a mistake when they went after Belrun. 

He wants to offer her a hug, which is both bafflingly outside what is normal for him and also won't help at all. 

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Actually, "You could hug me. If you want. I'm not sure I'm interpreting right."

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All right wow this whole feelings-communication thing is bizarre and creepy and also very slightly useful. "I...seem to want to? Will it actually help at all? My model of how humans work is that generally when people are very upset at someone for hurting them, they do not in that moment want a hug from that person?" 

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"You haven't actually done anything to me," she points out.

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Leareth drags his crate next to hers and opens his arms. (Has he hugged literally anybody while in this body? He doesn't think so.) 

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She's still kind of hugging herself but she scoots over and leans against him, head on his shoulder.

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Oh no now he's having some completely different emotion and he has no idea what it is except that it's very very loud and giving him an overwhelming urge to scoop her up and take her somewhere safe. Leareth does not do this. He does very carefully put his arm around her and let it rest there. 

"...What are you sad about?" She is definitely sad as the dominant emotion, rather than furious or terrified, and Leareth is confused by this. 

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"Um. It's complicated. ...the reasoning is complicated the actual thing isn't complicated. Uh. I can't have children. ...as of a minute ago."

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Leareth is not stupid. He traces back the last couple of things he told her and the emotional reactions he felt. Compulsions, right, he knew that was going to be upsetting...and the details of his immortality...and, oh no, she's a Healer, she was scared, she thought he was going to–

"You thought I was going to mind-control you into having my children and then possess them?" he says, horrified. "I am so sorry - actually I would not do that at all - you are very smart and so it would be a huge waste to mind-control you at all much less in order to have children, also I think at least half a million people are my original body's descendants at this point so it is not as though I need to do that. But I can see why you thought I would, I said everything in such a terrible order, and I can also see why you would very reasonably not believe my reassurance now. I am so incredibly sorry."

Also he even more wants to personally slaughter the gods about it. 

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"I didn't think you were going to possess them. That's obviously a replaceable function even if it needed to be the current body. But you probably need me alive, and I don't know much about what other condition you might need me in or how you might need me to get there. You might have wanted to arrange for me to possess them."

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"...I had actually not gotten as far as thinking through the part where you will die of old age if nothing else at some point and this will cause - damage," Leareth admits. "This whole lifebond emotions thing is making me much stupider, right now, I am not used to it enough to think through it."

He tries to imagine it. "...It feels as though I would be very sad if I were mind-controlling you, because I would know that this was not what you wanted, and being lifebonded seems to mean that I intrinsically care a great deal about what you want?" Pause. "Anyway, you actually think immortality is good, and also you are very clever, and hopefully by the time it would come up, we can figure something out that does not involve descendants and ideally does not involve anybody dying at all." 

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"Okay." She shifts a little in the hug, sighs. "I can tell that it's - steering you now? But it's new, and when it's not new I don't know how much you'd endorse letting it tell you what to do, right - and I'm extrapolating how it works for you from my end but I definitely already feel horrified about mind control if I imagine it happening to total strangers so that makes it hard to figure whether the lifebond is actually making you care much about it as applies to me rather than a total stranger. And you said - not to me because I have ridiculously good shields? And you mentioned you have a Mindhealer -"

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"All of that is very fair. I...definitely would have read your thoughts that first time in the library, if you did not have such shields, because I am a very paranoid person - I would argue it is a very appropriate level of paranoia given the extent to which the gods are actually after me. And, I am in fact not sure what I will end up endorsing, here, mostly I am very irritated with the gods about this scheme. I...suppose if you were actively going to sabotage my plans, I would stash you somewhere rather than let you do so, and would try to ignore how much it bothered me that you were sad? However, my preference would be to actually talk to you and figure out if we can come to some better agreement that is not letting the gods win this round." 

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"Yeah. So, from a position of not knowing the scope of your plans opposition to which might get me stashed or whatever... To be clear I didn't specifically want kids. I wanted the option but -" Shrug.

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"It was an understandable and not unreasonable reaction on your part and also I am very, very sorry." Leareth sighs. "...I think that I ought to tell you about my current plans, but - I am definitely being steered by the lifebond into feeling that I trust you, which makes it hard to consider objectively. However, I think my endorsed action here would still be to attempt good-faith communication first? Though possibly I should try to ask for a second opinion from somebody I work with about it." 

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"Even in situations where I can wreck stuff you might want later?" she asks tiredly.

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"I think that from where we are right now, it would be difficult for you to wreck anything that I will badly need later," Leareth says, with equal weariness. "...Also I notice that I have been doing a great deal of talking about what want and how this affects my life and goals. I think I ought to give you a turn?" 

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"You know what I do with myself, I told you all about it. In principle it can go on unchanged except now I hang out with you, apart from the threat of assassination or whatever, which might easily mean it cannot go on unchanged."

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Lifebond or no, it is probably too early in their relationship to offer her as much funding as she wants for a lab up north where the gods have less power to make anything troublesome happen. 

"I have some thinking to do," he admits. "However, I think that no matter what I conclude, it will be more pleasant for us - and accomplish less of what the gods wish to accomplish - if we can approach this as non-adversarially as possible. Inconveniently, I have made tradeoffs in the past such that it is understandably difficult for you to trust me. Is...there anything I might do to help on that front? I am willing to consider options even if they are quite costly, because this seems important – though I am absolutely not willing to give up on trying to fix all of the problems in the world, and using the methods required to do so when the gods are against change." 

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"Trust you to do what?" she shrugs. "I don't even know what your plan is, so I have no idea if I can offer any upside potential to telling me about it besides being less cranky at you, let alone what tradeoffs I should or should not trust you to make about it, and I don't want to use mind control to solve my problems - I haven't yet decided where the line is between that and merely declining to adjust my emotional reactions to things as they naturally are for your comfort but I'm pretty sure grouching about being in the dark is the one and not the other. But probably I'm not useful because you were in town to talk to whoever that other person was, not me, and you are two thousand years old so if you needed a Healer/Fetcher infectious disease research specialist I assume you would already have one - my potential relevance here is somewhere between 'an inconvenient vulnerability maintained in a less inconvenient state with hugs' and 'eventually achieving the lofty position of one of those pumpkins with eyes painted on it people talk to when they're stuck on a theoretical problem' so perhaps it will never make sense to tell me what's going on, and I will hover indefinitely at being pretty sure you won't actually literally murder me. I am pretty sure of that."

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"All of that is so extremely fair, and yet, ouch." Leareth is sure she can tell about the ouch part so he might as well not try to hide it. "Although, do not sell yourself short – I am two thousand years old and I never thought of the angle you are taking, and I was Healing-Gifted in some of those lives though it was rarely my main focus. More importantly, I have often had Healing researchers working for me and none of them thought of it either." 

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"I think I'm great. I do not know to what extent you think I'm great in a way not mediated by the lifebond and I especially don't know if I'm great in a way that has any relevance to your plan. If your plan involved my specialty I think you would have said so by now. I can do other things, but if, I don't know, you have everything all set up and just need to feed some behemoth of a spell a few thousand people a year without getting interrupted, say, I'm not going to be uniquely helpful and I can see why you would rather hold off on informing me lest I decide to rescue them and throw off your schedule."

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Of course she is correct about her level of awesomeness probably not helping. "Your specialty is not that relevant to my current plan," he admits. "I think the gods would have been hesitant to offer me someone who was." Sigh. "I would suggest we attempt a research project to see if lifebonds can be undone, but that is not your specialty either, and the person who I would usually point at it has a - cultural superstition about lifebonds and is going to shout at me if I suggest that as a solution. Also she is a Mindhealer so you would probably prefer not that." 

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"I mean, I think I could manage to relax if the thing the Mindhealer is doing is removing preexisting mind control. Her cultural superstition objects to removing them even when literally nobody wants them around? - okay, literally nobody endorses having them around, for the sake of completeness I should probably acknowledge that it does seem like it might be. Uncomfortable."

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"I confess I have never asked her for details. My understanding is that the Haighlei Empire's belief is that lifebonds are sacred and that anybody who interferes with them will be cursed by the gods forever and so will all of their descendants. I am not sure if this is true; it seems very extreme to me." 

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"She objects to being cursed by the gods forever and she works for you? What does she think you do, sell apricot jam?"

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Leareth chuckles, he can't help it. "I am not sure! Though - she objects to gods in general, she left her homeland because the gods there are an extreme level of stifling toward all change even compared to the ones east of the Pelagirs. She may just have absorbed the belief about lifebonds and never especially questioned it." 

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"Perhaps she could be convinced to question it." But she shivers anyway.

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"I am also noticing that it feels uncomfortable to consider meddling with the lifebond. Really quite frustrating, that." Leareth's emotions are screaming at him that there is a person right here who he trusts and that never happens and what is he thinking, considering undoing that. He has to keep reminding himself that no, actually, that is a mind-control feeling and not endorsed.

"I suppose we could ask for a research project on a reversible method of doing this – something that would roll the lifebond back to how it was before we met, for example – and then we could become re-lifebonded if, for some reason, we still consented to it from a non-mind-controlled state." 

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"I guess? That sounds like it yields nearly all the discomfort and if we wind up exercising the reversal option also nearly all the mind control and only gets us, like, a while to think about it without interference. And unless the research project would occur overnight we'd be trying out the lifebond removal after getting slightly more accustomed to it than we currently are. It's hard to think around it but it doesn't seem so impossible that it's worth buying a little clarity at that price."

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"That makes sense. It could be that sufficiently thorough external shields between us would get most of the benefit of thinking without interference, without the cost of new research into it." 

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"Maybe. Uh, I have been told before that I have strong shields but it seems like it must be one of those automatic things because I don't know how I'm doing it, so I don't know how to make them any stronger..."

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"I was thinking more the level of shielding that is standard on a mage's Work Room," Leareth says. "Personal shields are clearly not sufficient here." 

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"That seems worth a try. But it might also just do the thing that happens to lifebonded people who are really far apart."

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"I suppose I could briefly Gate home - it is very far - and then come back? Though I think it is supposed to be very uncomfortable to be lifebonded and far apart, and also I would be concerned about your safety in the interim." 

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"I'm in your secret note stash. Last night you left me alone in my dorm room and nothing happened. Or are you thinking you'd be gone for weeks?"

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"I put up quite a lot of wards around your dorm room and would have been there very fast if anything had happened. If you would be willing to stay here for a couple of candlemarks, that seems reasonably safe." He has permanent alarms around it, he'll find out if there's an attack on it, and also it's pretty remote. 

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"I guess I might wish I'd packed lunch? Have you considered that if anyone notices heavy duty magic centered on my room they might find that conspicuous."

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"I think I am fairly good at magic that is not conspicuous, actually. It was not intended to stop an attack, more just to warn me since I was nearby anyway. I took them down afterward." He tries to think of a way to get her lunch that doesn't involve multiple redundant Gates. "...I can bring you back some food? It would not be in that long. Possibly I will decide it is very uncomfortable and come back sooner, unless you would prefer I stick it out for a pre-agreed time." 

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"If it's uncomfortable enough you want to come back sooner then do, I don't have a way to signal you so that's the best information handy about how tolerable it is. A couple candlemarks otherwise lunch to follow sounds good."

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"All right." Leareth gets up. Might as well do it immediately and avoid making her wait longer than necessary for a meal. "...Do you want some unused paper to write on? I am not sure if you brought any of your notebooks."

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"I always have a notebook on me. When not caught by surprise at home." She pulls one out.

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"How prepared of you." Leareth raises a Gate. It is somewhat difficult because it's over a thousand miles, but it won't be up for long. He steps across. 

–ouch. 

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"hng"

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Leareth is not very happy about this either. It is - tolerable, though, for a little while.

"Sorry, I will see you soon," he says, and takes down the Gate. 

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Belrun takes a few deep breaths. She squirms, trying to find a comfortable position, but this is obviously futile from the first and after a couple of squirms she has convinced herself of this. She stacks up two crates in front of her by way of a desk and she writes.

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Leareth makes some notes of his own. It's not clearly less distracting, being a thousand miles apart, but at least it's distracting in a different way, and one that doesn't make faces or have different emotions at him depending on what exactly he's writing.

He gives up after a candlemark and some, and goes to collect some lunch for both of them before Gating back. 

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She does not pause to discuss the ramifications of hugging him before she does it.

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Oh no hugs are very good and he's very happy and relieved to see her and this is strange.

...Also he's less tired than he expected to be, huh – oh. "Belrun, are you feeling tired? I have a suspicion that I accidentally grabbed some energy from you for the Gate." 

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"Uh, I think I'm okay? I haven't been using my Gifts very much, maybe it'd be more noticeable if I were already drained."

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"Fair enough. Anyway, I brought us some food." He starts unpacking the basket of it on top of a crate. "We can eat and then discuss what we concluded separately?" 

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"Yeah." Food food food. She's left her notebook open to what turns out to be weird gibberish mixes of two alphabets, lots of arrows, a division problem, and a large repetitive doodle dominating the lower right corner.

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Leareth respectfully does not look. She's seemed defensive about her personal notes in the past and it's very understandable, he's protective of his too even if they're usually not readable by other people. 

He eats. "So?" he says finally. 

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She picks up her notes, scans them. "Well, it was uncomfortable, but you know that. Uh, prototype procedures are likely to have side-effects and I think it would be hard to find test subjects who wanted rid of their lifebonds to refine it and the side effects might be that bad or worse. The research project might not turn out and I think it being pending would make it harder to get settled in some sort of workable relationship in the interim. That assumes, which we have not established, that the default non-research-project outcome is in fact having something that might reasonably be called 'a relationship' instead of courtesy notices regarding our geographical plans and you assigning me a discreet bodyguard or something. Which I would consider your prerogative because you didn't ask for this any more than I did and have complex secret plans in motion, but it does seem like it sacrifices the silver lining, that being, uh, really nice hugs and so on, probably hugs don't stack up very well against complex secret plans."

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Leareth nods. "I came to roughly the same conclusions as you did about researching ways to undo lifebonds, which I think puts it mostly off the table unless Nayoki knows something she thinks is very obvious that I have never heard of. I noted that being a thousand miles away from you is not very feasible for getting any kind of intellectual work done and this would be...awkward...if you wished to stay here. I..." why is he starting to blush again this is stupid, "considered how much I value the silver lining parts, such as nice hugs. I am not sure but I suppose I would value that at all." 

He frowns. "...I thought about compatibility and I asked some of my colleagues who would know more. I think that, obviously, you are far more compatible than any randomly selected person would be. Most people are not compatible at all. I think I might have wished to speak further just based on your research alone - not because it is related directly to what I need right now, necessarily, but because it indicates creativity and scope of vision which is rare. My sense is that surface incompatibilities are very possible. The disagreement we have about mindreading and such is not surface-level but I am curious if having an in-depth conversation would enable us to better understand each other's views. I am not very motivated to try to understand most people's views because in the past when I tried they were generally stupid, but I have - perhaps rather biased - motivation to listen to you more than to most people." 

Leareth lifts his hand, lets it fall. "I am not sure where I am going with that, except...I think the fact that we are lifebonded is at least some evidence, to each of us, about what the other is like. ...Also I feel very awkward about the difference in age and experience and power generally, I am sorry about that." 

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"How dare you have been born two thousand years ago, serious lapse of judgment," she says. "You're very attached to your current location? I have - students, colleagues - I guess if you can Gate that far it's not like I couldn't see my parents - what was it your colleagues said, did they just confirm your impression of compatibility based on you describing me?"

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"I asked about lifebonds in the abstract first and received some anecdotes that conveyed that impression. Oh - also that people sometimes seem to change a great deal. However, I am not very happy about involuntary change and I imagine neither are you, and I expect we are both more stubborn than average, so I am less sure how that would go." 

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"You imagine, huh. Um -

I'm not sure how feasible it is to attempt to formulate a relationship based on a valuation attached to that relationship of 'at all, I guess'. I haven't had any, and presumably you had your half a million descendants with somebody, so perhaps you're about to tell me that actually it works great, but that is my suspicion."

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"...I did most of the descendant-having in the first five hundred years and coasted on that," Leareth admits. "Also I tended to - make arrangements with women who were excited to have children, especially children who might be Gifted, and provide for their livelihood. I have probably ever had an actual relationship but I...mostly did not have a desire to, in the last thousand years or so? So, this is very awkward and strange for me and, while I am prepared for nearly all contingencies, I do not feel well-prepared for it." 

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"Prob- oh, right, you mentioned it's a - lossy process -"

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"Yes. I keep notes, obviously, but I have limited time to reread them, and relationship advice from my past self is not something I would have prioritized." He shakes his head. "Empirically, the amount I value romantic relationships when I am not lifebonded to someone is 'zero', and this mostly has not troubled me at all; however, I...am beginning to suspect that it will trouble me if the extent to which we interact is merely courtesy notices regarding our geographical plans. This is very weird for me." 

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"Okay, so - what do you see this looking like instead of courtesy geographical updates, I'd always imagined eventually somebody would come along and decide I was the greatest thing since the invention of cheese on potatoes and we'd have some fairly conventional courtship situation and get married and go from there but you are clearly very complicated so what am I working with here."

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"I - um - is cheese on potatoes your go-to best thing to exist? I hope it is not a major incompatibility for you that I am not very fond of potatoes." 

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"It's an expression, I have not carefully sieved a list of all the things in the world to choose the best one. My mom says the cheese on potatoes thing."

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"It must be a Rethwellani idiom, I am not versed enough in the language to know all of those– Why do I want to meet your mother. Is that a normal relationship thing? Is the way lifebonds work that they just make a person want to do all of the normal relationship things?" 

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"It is a normal relationship thing and I do not know if lifebonds do that specifically or if they just make you interested in one another's lives and so do normal relationships."

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"Is your mother an important part of your life? I have said that there have been many people whose lives I was interested in but generally their mothers did not come up as part of the conversation." 

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"I lived with her till I went to university and have dinner with her once a week. My father I see much less often given the travel time but I'd do it more if I could casually Gate hundreds of miles; we do write."

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"Would she disapprove greatly of me if she knew all the context - it is probably not a good idea to tell her," he adds quickly. Why does he care if she would disapprove this is so frustrating. 

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"Uh. I would describe her as 'open minded' but that means 'she has friends of the sort who'd be stoned by the crowd if they described their romantic weekend in a public place' and not 'she will roll with the murder thing'."

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"You know, fair enough, that would be rather an unreasonable amount of open-mindedness to ask for." 

Relationship things...

"If it were up to me I would want to have conversation about what I am working on and what you are working on and, oh, history and magic and mathematics and languages and architecture and..." Probably Belrun is less well versed in a lot of those fields and so maybe that's unfair. "Possibly while hugging, it is confusingly nice. But I would - wish to do some things you found romantic just for that reason, I think?" 

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"When you say hugging is confusingly nice how much should be reading into that. Like... hugs are supposed to be nice. People like them, they are popular."

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"I am not most people and I generally have not felt I had the luxury of the kind of close friendships that involve hugging, much less romantic relationships. I did not feel that I missed it too much until now. I am aware that there are - things other than hugs–" Ohhhhh. "I think I am - not normally set up as a person to be very drawn to...physical intimacy," why is he blushing he is not a teenager he is very much the opposite of that. "Apparently being lifebonded changes that? This is very confusing." 

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"Oh dear. Okay. I guess we will figure that out as we go like most people do and that can be the one thing that is not very strongly influenced by you being two thousand years old, except insofar as it absolutely is because that must be an adjustment and a half."

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"Do most people go around having these - kinds of feelings - more regularly? How do they think or get any work done?" 

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"This is noticeably more than usual!"

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"Well, then, I am sorry about that too." 

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"It's not intrinsically unpleasant but I was going to be kind of put out if you weren't on the same page."

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"...I suppose it is not intrinsically unpleasant. Just distracting. And - I generally dislike having emotions that I did not decide to feel. This does not happen very often! I...will get used to it, I suppose."

Maybe it'll be less distracting if they do the, well, physical intimacy things. On the other hand that might make it worse. Also it seems like it would get in the way of finishing this conversation, which is important, and...aaaaugh now he is blushing ferociously

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Belrun starts giggling. "Not right here this very minute, at any rate!"

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Oh no she is adorable when she giggles. Focus focus focus. 

"...Did you have other items on the list of things that you find romantic?" 

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Giggle. "Uh, I don't think I'm wildly unconventional about it. The one that seems like it might be hard is - okay, so before this mess happened I was imagining what I described before you got distracted by how wrong you are about potatoes? Somebody thinks I'm great and I think he's great and we squash our lives together into a big tangly joint thing where - not that we never think about anything besides each other but we're definitely involved in all the major stuff. If I had wound up with a... I don't know, a mathematician, I'm not saying I would have taken a bunch of math classes to keep up, because specialization is valuable, but I'd have a general idea what was going on and know when to ask him for help with my mortality statistics and contagion patterns, or whatever. And I don't think strictly speaking the lifebond prevents you from satisfactorily thinking I'm great, so far it seems to be doing more prompting-to-notice than wildly changing what your type is. ...or would be if you had one. But fighting it at every turn instead of finding some terms of psychological ceasefire seems like it's going to manifest as shoving me, a person and not a lifebond, in a corner when I'm in the way of your," handwave, "stuff. And I think that - superfluosity - would make it hard to have fun on date night or whatever even if you did show up every time."

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"Right. That...makes sense, honestly. I think that the lifebond wants me to desire that we squash our lives together into a tangly joint thing? Unfortunately I am..." How is he even supposed to phrase it. "Very bad at trusting people?" 

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"It's - interesting that you're framing it as a skill."

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"What would you call it? ...Perhaps habit would be a better framing. I am very much in the habit of being cautious and paranoid and concealing my plans. That is...something my life experiences have pushed toward." 

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"I think I'd have said 'inclination'? And the lifebond supplies that in spades, leaving only deciding whether it's talking nonsense or not."

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"Is it doing that for you as well? I keep having the feeling that you are deeply and utterly trustworthy even though we have known each other for a day and I have nowhere near enough actual information about you for it to be justified." 

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"Yeah, it's doing it for me too, I'm running most of my decisionmaking by imagining people similar to ourselves but not ourselves and generating advice for my counterpart."

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"Very reasonable." Sigh. "Something that one of my colleagues pointed out is that there is much less risk to telling you about my past work, since that is hardly a secret from the gods and even if you did go and tell, oh, the government of Rethwellan about it, it is unclear what exactly they would do about actions I took a thousand years ago. And...it will be easier to explain my current plan with that background." 

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"I'm all ears."

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Leareth sits back and tells her a bit about the early history of the Eastern Empire. He did plenty of not-very-nice things but there were, in his opinion, some extenuating circumstances there. Also he kept getting murdered. It took him a while after that to decide the culprit was gods and not just that an inexplicable number of human secret organizations and cults hated him.

(He'll get to his part in the Mage Wars. That's...harder to talk about.) 

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Over the course of this explanation she winds up leaning on him again.

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That is very distracting! It's also nice though so he doesn't actually want to tell her not to. 

Leareth gets to the point in the history where he decided to start using lots of compulsions basically as oaths of office in hopes it would lead to fewer assassination attempts on him and his key people. (It did and it meant he was able to hold the fledgling Empire stable for forty years and get through a number of infrastructure projects that raised the average quality of life drastically.) He still braces himself for her reaction. 

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"If they sign up for it as part of the job description, I guess. How does that work though, I don't really know how gods issue instructions to assassins?"

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"I am not sure how they did it then because I did not catch on for a long time. They generally cannot speak directly to mortals, though there are exceptions, but they have various spirit representatives, sometimes embodied magical representatives – the Companions are not quite this but they were created directly by at least one god, the details are unclear. The Suncats in Karse are another example. Also there is Foresight, prophetic visions, that sort of thing. And - the gods are able to see possible paths into the future directly, much more extensively than human Foreseers. This means that They can nudge very indirect paths into motion without it being clear to anybody from a human angle how it was done." 

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"But if the indirect path terminates on someone electing to assassinate you - which it must, for the compulsions to help - they still need some way to convince or coerce the assassin, don't they? Which should be clear to the assassin if no one else."

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"I was not able to question any of them during that time period. I have occasionally had the opportunity to do so since, and the reasons they believed they were doing it have varied from 'straightforward power grab' to 'they thought I was literally a demon in disguise'." 

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"Huh. Uh, that makes me slightly more reluctant to move away from here - it seems like people who know me and know I've been around for a while and that I am not a demon might be a useful safety buffer and it's not trivial to replace."

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"Fair enough. I can arrange to stay here for some time before it would really present a problem." 

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"I'm not saying I can't pack up and haul elsewhere, it's just I'd want to be really clear on what conditions for myself and my research I'd be looking at if I move, uh, wherever you just went."

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"That is entirely reasonable. I will note that any god-related schemes are unlikely to reach where I just went; I deliberately selected my base of operations such that it is not an area under the control of any of the main powerful gods, and they are not able to move fast when it comes to expanding territory." 

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"They're territorial?"

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"I am sure it is more complicated than that from Their perspective, but it seems to be a reasonable approximation of what actions they can and cannot feasibly take." 

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"Couldn't they grab someone willing to run errands for them in a place they control, and give them... directions?"

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"You would think so. I suspect that They can but that it drastically reduces the chance of success, such that the somewhat absurd number of precautions I tend to take is sufficient." 

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"Huh.

So, there's sort of a weird - tension between trust and compatibility here, in the sense that - imagine you'd gotten lifebonded to someone who heard that you were immortal and the gods were mad at you and it didn't seem like that was very interesting to them? Like, we don't have to posit they're mad at you or horrified, just that it doesn't seem like it's independently something they'd care about, shoving around the arc of history on a divine scale. That person you could probably trust a lot, because they'd care about you, and your projects for the sake of you, and wouldn't get ideas about - what was my random guess earlier - rescuing a bunch of people slated to be fuel for a giant spell. You'd have - an accessory, more or less, if you wanted one, and if you didn't I guess you'd - leave your work at work and go see them while taking breaks? I have seen evidence that you eat and assume you sleep, maybe that'd be it, I don't know how much of a workaholic you are.

I am not that person. I have been handed a lever to shove around the arc of history on a divine scale and the only thing stopping me from immediately seizing it with both hands and - and also Fetching and my teeth - is the fact that the lever is made entirely of mind control, and just because I don't like that doesn't mean I couldn't shift around if I think you're doing something indefensible. Which I assume means that we will have livelier conversations over supper but does put something of a damper on you wanting to tell me what the other end of the lever hooks up to."

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Oh no she’s so perfect. Leareth keeps having to remind himself that this perception is also mind control. At least to some extent. It seems like she is objectively speaking still pretty great.

...He is finding it very hard to say words because Belrun talking about wanting to seize the lever with her teeth and shove around the arc of history on a divine scale is giving him so many feelings. 

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Apparently those feelings are going to make her smile!

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Aww, it's very good when she smiles and it makes him feel all warm and– focus. "That is...fair." He resists saying that he doesn't want to be lifebonded to a boring person he wants to be lifebonded to her because she's wonderful; he doesn't know that it would be true if not for lifebond-mind-control although he would probably want to recruit her either way. 

"It does seem that if we can ever come to an agreement on what direction we wish to shove the arc of history on a divine level, it could be fulfilling for both of us?" 

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"Sounds like loads of fun assuming you can cut down on the thoughtsensing and compulsions and whatnot."

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"I will if you can convince me that they are worse than the anticipated level of sabotage and murder attempts that will get through if I stop using those precautions." He frowns. "...I am probably willing to shift it somewhat on the margin without too much more convincing, just as a test. I am used to being maximally paranoid and perhaps that is more cautious than I need to be, actually. Also it would not be too horrifically costly if it turns out I am wrong and all of those layers of precaution were necessary, and that might be more convincing to you?" 

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"I'd need to look at your logistics to know what specific changes I'd make. I don't mind having it as a job requirement as long as whoever you're offering the job can also go 'to hell with this, I'm opening a pet store' - compulsions or consent to random Thoughtsensing spot checks or whatever. It does kind of sound like this is a habit you got into when you ran an entire nation and I'm assuming what you've got now has less porous surfaces and fewer moving parts, though, the habit might just be out of date."

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"That does seem possible. I think the compulsions I would be most uncomfortable dispensing with entirely are all voluntary job requirements. There are...some other cases, which you are going to be much less happy about because they are in fact quite terrible." That fact hasn't bothered him until now. 

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"And those are?"

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Better to get it over with. "Starting about thirty years ago, I had various plots to kidnap Valdemaran children with mage-gift and instead train them as mages north of the mountains. Many of them were under compulsions although most are not at this point and I ceased doing this a decade ago anyway." 

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Belrun's reaction to this is about like finding half a worm in her apple. "Well. Probably the nightmare horses would have gotten them anyway but that doesn't exactly put you in very good company."

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"That is fair. I have done a great many things that do not put me in good company." 

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"Most aren't at this point? What's different about the ones which are?"

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"Well, there are certain highly sensitive positions which, if opted into, require voluntary compulsions. There are some who sought intermediate-level positions, which did not require compulsions but where indiscretion could cause issues, and then - were indiscreet. And had the option of leaving said position or a compulsion. I do not think there are any permanent compulsions in use that are not at least this level of voluntary; it is a bad idea to have people working for you who have no interest in doing so, because there are always ways to sabotage a project that work around the letter of a compulsion." 

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"Guess that makes sense."

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"Does it still bother you, though?" 

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"I don't like it but if they just like their jobs more than they dislike their compulsions then it's more on the level of really not caring for cashews, you know?"

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Leareth bites back a chuckle at the phrasing. "My sense is that a surprising number of people do not mind it very much at all, or even prefer it? It simplifies things. Perhaps makes it easier for some people to trust themselves. ...I have used them on myself before." 

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"Help yourself to all the cashews you want, I guess. When does that come up?"

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"I have occasionally used very short-term compulsions to make sure I would meet deadlines?" 

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"Okay. If that's... how you want to do things, it's your brain. That's really the underlying principle, it's your brain. I will however not be entertained to discover that you're using it for any interpersonal relationship purpose."

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"It is very difficult to use compulsions in a way that is both useful and not noticeable to the person it is used on," Leareth assures her. "Also, long-term compulsions that a person is not - accepting of having - are bad for the ability to think, in my opinion, and you are highly intelligent and wish to grab the levers of history," damn it now he's having the same weird strong emotion again, which is probably called 'sexual attraction', why does having a conversation do that.

"...Anyway, it would be a waste to make you any less capable of doing your research. Also it would upset you and that would upset me, but I thought the first assurance might be more meaningful, since it is meaningful even on ruthless strategic grounds."

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"I'm not saying don't put any on me, I think you probably have enough listening comprehension to have picked up on that, I mean don't use them on yourself for purposes relating to me, if I'm expecting you to show up for something don't meet that deadline in the aforementioned way."

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"I did think the former thing was rather obvious. I...feel as though I am supposed to understand the latter objection but am not sure I do?" 

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"I can tolerate people doing unpleasant things in their personal lives but I don't want it to impinge on mine."

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"Is it still intrinsically unpleasant even if it is the same amount of happening all inside my head that my ordinary thoughts are?" 

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"I wouldn't necessarily find out but there are lots of things I wouldn't necessarily find out about that I don't want as inputs to my life in any context where all I'm consulting is 'do I like it or not'. Arc of history on a divine scale, I can suck it up if it makes sense. Attempts at conducting a romance no."

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"Fair enough. It does seem silly to try to romance you in ways you find very unromantic." 

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"I think so too. Uh, are we doing that or are we in a weird holding pattern till you ask your Mindhealer if it's secretly easy and harmless and we just have very uncommon preferences?"

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"...Oh, sorry, I did ask her. She looked at me like I had three heads and said she'd never heard of such a thing." 

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"Is it just me or does it sound extremely weird to describe my two thousand year old god-defying lifebonded as 'my boyfriend', because I just imagined trying to explain this to my mother and it sounded very weird."

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"It is not just you. That feels very weird. Are there better words?" 

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"I guess 'lifebonded' works. Mind, I'm not planning to tell her the part where you're two thousand etcetera, it just seems like 'boyfriend' is not a you word."

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"I suppose that works fine." Leareth sighs. "So, what is our plan from here? I suppose I should bring you back to town at some point before your mother assumes I have kidnapped you after all." 

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"Yes, probably. You have another Gate in you and neither of us is going to be fainting afterwards?"

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"It is not very far. Another thousand-mile Gate would be challenging, but this ought to be fine. I might want a nap afterward." 

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"Okay. Suppose you Gate us back to your inn, you take a nap, I visit my mother, and then since if we're doing this we may as well go about it properly we go to a nice restaurant for dinner, unless you have reason to believe any of this will lead to us being murdered."

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"I am not sure but I would not currently assign it a massive risk, although - this is probably overkill but honestly I would feel more comfortable if you had some form of magical shielding and a way to call me in an emergency. There should be some materials here as well as records, if you are willing to do that even just for my peace of mind." Leareth is feeling VERY PROTECTIVE of Belrun but he will, in fact, sometimes need to sleep or let her go have her own life. 

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"I don't mind. I know there's such a thing as a shield-talisman but I don't think I've heard of an - emergency contact talisman?"

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"I can give you one to call an alarm and let me find you. It would not be trivial to give you one to speak with me since you are not a mage - unless you are a Mindspeaker, are you? You did not mention it but you do have shockingly good shields even for a Healer."  

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"I think it's just Healing and Fetching but I guess it's possible I have something else helping there which has never done anything else for me?"

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"Did you ever have your Gifts formally tested, the way a mage would do it, or did you simply notice what seemed to be happening?" 

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"Just noticed. So I could be missing one that was being unnoticeable. Do you know how to check me?"

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"I do, if you are willing to have me check. Sometimes children who develop Mindspeech early form instinctive shields without ever realizing they have the Gift. You have such a strong dislike of anything interfering with your mind, that would make sense." 

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"Is there some reason I wouldn't want you to check? Does it hurt? Will you accidentally discern my favorite color?"

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"It technically involves looking in your head and it will feel odd. Probably less odd than," he waves a hand vaguely, "everything about being lifebonded, and I am not going to see anything except your Gifts, but still."

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"Go ahead then."

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Leareth looks. It feels like a weird sort of tickling deep inside Belrun's head. 

"Definitely looks like you've got Mindspeech and Thoughtsensing as well," he says. 

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"That itched," she says, squirming. "Well, I'm glad those haven't been troubling me - can you imagine if my Thoughtsensing had started acting up, I'd have been mortified, I'd have insisted on standing in the exact center of the nearest field of carrots until I could make it stop -"

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"Sorry. ...Do you want to train at least the projective Mindspeech part of it? It is very useful - to have conversations without being overheard or in parallel to spoken ones, or to communicate at a distance." 

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"Uh. Maybe. Does this involve not shielding constantly, by any chance."

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"I think that most protocols between Mindspeakers involve opening your shields exactly enough to project a single stream of verbal thoughts. Some Mindspeakers have a greater tendency than others to leak some thoughts accidentally, but I imagine you would have excellent control there. It does, technically, involve shielding slightly less." 

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"It's probably useful enough I should do it anyway."

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"Would it be more or less uncomfortable for you to practice with me, rather than an instructor we might find?" 

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"I can probably just sign up for a university tutor and get along all right? I don't know how many demands you have on your time. You would be more comfortable to practice with than a total stranger."

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"I am not incredibly busy on a day to day basis and also I...want to see you and do things with you. I would enjoy doing almost any kind of Gift-work with you, I think, if it were something you also enjoyed." Why is he blushing, what is the point of that supposed to be. 

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"Then you can teach me. ...why aren't you busy? Do you not like being busy, I do."

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"I prefer not being too busy to think. I do end up using all of my time, but I minimize the number of mandatory scheduled commitments unless they are very important. Also, at least in this stage, I ought to have slightly more room to delegate than I have been taking." 

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"I suppose it's useful to have the slack even if this isn't what you were planning on using it for."

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"I had planned it that way mostly because I have been expecting the gods to throw various schemes in my direction because they notice I am planning something major, even if they are not sure what. They have in fact gotten surprisingly creative over the last few decades, but - this is a new one."

He smiles despite himself. "Honestly, I am hopeful it could be a much more enjoyable redirection of my time than previous ones, even if it is not at all what I was planning. Perhaps the gods are hoping simply to distract me with - nice things - since distracting me with wars and such was not very effective." 

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"You don't think they're, uh, setting up a longer-term means of incapacitating you?"

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"It does seem like the default theory, there. I need to think more about - what the sensible precautions are to take." Sigh. "...I am also considering whether they wish to sabotage my plans by, for example, making me intrinsically unwilling to use mind-control magic, and then sneaking in something through that vulnerability. Or perhaps they intend to do both in sequence? It is very frustrating to try to predict what gods are up to." 

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"I gotta say, from a perspective of being very protective of my mental sovereignty, it's disturbing to consider that I could have been... designed specifically to elicit that trait."

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"Yes." Leareth ducks his head. "I am sorry." 

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"It's not your fault, and anyway I do like how I am."

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"I also like how you are! Even if we have different feelings about metaphorical cashews." 

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Giggle.

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Leareth hugs her without thinking. "...You are so distractingly adorable when you giggle like that." 

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"Thank you. That would be an amusing godly plot, wouldn't it, 'ha-ha let's glue him to a person with a cute laugh and he'll never get anything done' -" She leans right into the hug very cozily.

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Perhaps he will just have to accept not getting anything done for the next five minutes, at least. 

"...All right, we ought to go find you a shield-talisman and an emergency contact method, and then I can Gate us back to town," he says finally. 

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She nuzzles his shoulder but then stands up and stretches. "Okay."

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Leareth digs up the inventory list for this particular cache, and finds a crate of artifacts, and gets Belrun a shield-talisman necklace and a bracelet that she can use to call for help by sliding two beads together (the bracelet is set up so this won't happen accidentally), without having to actually do magic to it. The only message she can communicate is 'come here right now', but it'll do until she has some Mindspeech training. 

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She tucks the necklace under her shirt and decides it's probably okay if the bracelet is visible, and takes his arm so she can follow him through the Gate without tripping.

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For simplicity, Leareth Gates them to his room at the inn, he’s already paid up for tonight and it’s less conspicuous than appearing in an alleyway, although the mage-students in town must be wondering what’s up with all the Gates. 

He hugs Belrun again. “Good luck. Be careful, please.” He is going to be so angry with himself if it turns out he was wrong about the appropriate level of paranoia against god-prompted assassins here.

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"I'll keep an eye out. Uh, have some distinctly awake emotion at me when you're done with your nap or else I'll just swing by when it seems like dinnertime." She squeezes his hand and lets herself out into the hall and goes to her mother's house.

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Leareth takes a nap. Well, tries. It takes a bit to fall asleep because he keeps daydreaming about Belrun being there next to him. 

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And she is NOT. Instead she is INCREASINGLY FAR AWAY! Also she trips at one point.

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Leareth was almost asleep and now he is NOT. He is instead up and halfway to the door before he catches himself with a forceful reminder that Belrun has survived twenty-two years of tripping sometimes (he can guess that is what happened) and is still alive, she doesn’t seem distressed now and hasn’t called him and probably there is not a god-scheme to remove a paving stone or something so she trips and breaks her neck. He makes another attempt at sleep.

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She is apologetic at him when he startles.

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He is apologetic back, and if she makes it the next few minutes without tripping and startling him again, he will manage to fall asleep. Resulting in some sleepy affection squeezed down the lifebond to her.

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Awwww.

She has a nice surprise visit with her mother and waits for him to wake up.

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Leareth wakes up a couple of hours later and semi-involuntarily sends off a loud pulse of ‘awake and MISSING YOU’ down the lifebond. 

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Awwwww well she can come to him or he can come find her if he wants to try that?

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He will head out in her direction! It involves a bit of guesswork but he can definitely tell if he’s getting closer or further.

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She meets him in the street and hugs him.

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Hug!

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"Rana wants to meet you."

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“That is your mother? I - all right.” Why is he so nervous, this is unhelpful. “Is there anything I ought to be cautious of?”

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"Not especially, she's pretty friendly and easygoing."

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"All right. I suppose I am willing, then. ...I have not specifically tried to make a good impression on somebody's mother in, well, probably centuries and possibly longer. You can inform me through the lifebond if I am about to make a major false step and I will shut up." 

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"I will keep half an ear on it but she's really not very difficult to get along with." She leads him to the house.

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Wherein a woman who looks very much like her is watering her houseplants. "Hello there! Belrun said she wasn't sure what name you'd want to go by with me -"

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"Leareth." He nods to her. "Very pleased to meet you. You must be Rana?" 

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"That's me! Have a seat - Belrun says you're a mage? I'm a teacher, little kids so high -" She gestures. "This one cheated me of teaching her to read, I turned around one day and she could already do it, so I make it up with other people's."

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Leareth can't remember the last time he interacted with a small child in a way more substantive than 'smiling at them across the street'. (Literally can't remember, it was probably before he was in this body and wasn't worth re-memorizing from his summarized records.) He still smiles, mostly at the mental image of Belrun at that age. "How rude of her. I had already noticed she is very clever. What is your favourite part about teaching?" 

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"Kids that small have no filter - I don't mean they say rude things, though they do that too, but they say inventive things, I never get tired of it. Other day I was talking about sunrise and there was a little boy who thought that sunrise was not very important because most of the time the sun isn't going up but is rather going left. I did not quite manage to explain that the sun doesn't have a left."

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"How sweet!" And now Leareth is mostly out of anything to add on the topic of small children, and gives Belrun a hopeful glance. 

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"Is that the same kid who thought that acorns were tree eggs and later clarified that the baby trees walked on their roots till they found a good spot?"

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"No, no, different kid. So I know there's all kinds of mage-work, what kind do you usually do?"

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Well, the true and complete answer to that is definitely not parentally acceptable. "I work with mage-artifacts," he says. "Shields and various other types of spells." He can say some more things about common types of artifact if Rana seems interested. 

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"I noticed the new bracelet, I knew she hadn't gotten that for herself."

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"I got myself a necklace once."

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"You were twelve and it wasn't decorative, it was for carrying a pen."

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Leareth smiles fondly at Belrun. "Has she always liked writing so much, then? It is rather impressive." 

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"It picked up to its current level of enthusiasm when she was, oh, six? Though she has learned to write faster since then so I'm sure the volume's up."

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What an incredible mental picture. Leareth feels a wash of affection and almost reaches out to take Belrun's hand, before realizing that he didn't clarify if this was appropriate in front of her mother. 

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She will hold hands with him in front of her mother; her fingertips reach his before he can abort the gesture.

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"Awwwwwwww... sorry, I know it's been rough for the two of you, but -"

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"Well, you know, there's no point in making up our minds to be depressed about it forever."

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Leareth has no idea what Belrun told her mother about them and the 'rough time' they've been having, so he just nods and gives her his best neutral smile. 

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Rana keeps them a few minutes longer - she wants to know if Leareth has brothers and sisters, and that he shouldn't take Belrun to watch Bards because she doesn't like them, and to recommend that they go to dinner at a specific fish restaurant she likes - and then she shoos them out the door to go get their meal.

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Leareth tells her no on brothers and sisters, which is the most true answer at this point. He hopes she won't ask about his parents because he would have to make something up; he drafts a few sentences in his head just in case. He'll keep the part about Bards in mind (he bets he can guess why), and he appreciates the restaurant recommendation. 

"Thank you for raising such a wonderful daughter," he tells her as they stand up to go. And then blushes ferociously. Why does this keep happening to him. 

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"You be good to her!"

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"So that's Rana," says Belrun. "I was pretty vague - it's not that uncommon to give a false name at Healers', I told her, uh, you're older than me but not by an amount that makes me worried I'll outlive you..."

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Leareth chuckles. "What a clever way to put it. I like her. Is it actually common at Healers' to give a false name or did you make that up?"

Are they going to hold hands on the way to the restaurant? 

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They are going to do that! "It happens when people are worried about being found, such as by whoever injured them - or if they don't want to be followed by people interested in taking it up with the attacker, sometimes - also people on inadvisable drugs. I mostly don't see it myself, I'm a pinch-hitter if that, but one hears secondhand."

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He's walking down the street holding hands with his lifebonded. This is so surreal. "Huh. What sorts of inadvisable drug use do people end up at Healers' for?" 

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"Alcohol. Too much of it, or combined with literally anything. It's literally poison and it tastes bad and yet! Dreamerie plus having tried to light a fire or what have you. Painkillers - had a bad argonel case once and I took a half-night supervising to keep the patient breathing."

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"That sounds tedious – I hope that is not a tactless thing to say. Do you dislike alcohol because it has effects on your mind?" 

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"Good guess, yes. Though it does also taste bad. I acknowledge its value in making there be less life in one's drinking water, of course, dysentery is also bad, but..."

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"It is! Maybe you can research some better method of avoiding it. Did you grow up somewhere that had problematic drinking water?" 

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"I was born in a town barely large enough to have its own little Guard unit and it's iffy there but I don't remember living there, Rana moved me to Haven when I was a baby and it's all right there. But I don't want to come off like I'm judging people with questionable wells for mixing wine in, it serves a purpose and they're going to deal with some kind of health consequence any which way."

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"I see. What had her move to Haven?" 

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"She just really prefers living in large cities. Married Chalan - that's my dad - before she was aware enough of this to notice that they were not things she could do at the same time."

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"That sounds somewhat awkward. Are they otherwise still on good terms?" 

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"They get along fine. He's just extremely attached to his town and she was bored to tears."

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"How did they meet?" 

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"She was born there too. Everybody there knows each other. I went there to visit and nobody in town had seen me in more than a decade and they all still knew who I was."

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"That must be quite something." 

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"How noncommittal of you. Yes, it's something, I mostly agree with Rana but I can see Chalan's perspective."

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"I do not have any memories of growing up in a small town where everyone knew me, and so I genuinely have no idea what the experience would be like. I suspect I would mostly dislike it but there might be some good parts that I am currently missing for lack of having experienced it." 

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She goes a little pensive at the not having memories part. Squeezes his hand.


"That's the restaurant over there." She points.

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Leareth heads in that direction. He pulls out a chair for her. 

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That's adorable.

The restaurant mostly has fish, pulled out of the river and served with various combinations of garlic, herbs, butter, and lemons, but they also have bread and various fishy soups.

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Leareth will try a fishy soup, then. 

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Belrun decides against a garlicky trout in favor of a lemony trout and also hooks her ankle around his under the table.

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This is giving Leareth feelings. Mostly very confusing feelings about how he wants to touch more parts of her. He asks what her childhood in Haven was like instead. "Other than the nightmare horses," he specifies. 

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"Honestly even setting aside the nightmare horses there was a lot I didn't like about it. Bards everywhere, a lot of people my age couldn't read, the winters were frigid and our house was drafty and for some reason there were not a normal number of contractors around and they were hard to hire so we couldn't get it fixed, and there's this hideously loud bell that goes off whenever a Herald dies, which you'd think would encourage them to find some way to get them killed less often and did not. It wasn't tortuous but I didn't exactly miss it but for the threat of getting Chosen."

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"Huh, does Haven have a shortage of contractors?" I should tell Vanyel, is the thing he's thinking, but - that is a very high context conversation and not one to have in a public restaurant. 

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"I don't know if it's actually a problem to do with how many of them there are, I wasn't mostly the one trying to hire them. It's possible they merely have a byzantine permitting process, or something, and Rana wasn't sufficiently on top of things to manage it - she's a scatterbrain sometimes."

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"I suppose that is less of a difficulty when one teaches small children, since they are probably even more scatterbrained." Leareth is trying to listen but keeps getting distracted by the fact that Belrun's face is pretty. Probably he'll get used to it at some point? Right? 

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She thinks this is funny. She thinks he is also very nice to look at but has more practice thinking people are nice to look at.

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They can eat the rest of their dinner and talk about various random things and then - Leareth isn't actually sure what the plan is next. 

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The plan is she takes his hand again, and they go out into the street where it's getting on sunset, and she puts her arms around his neck and stands up on tiptoes and kisses him.

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...So many feelings SO MANY FEELINGS and one of them is that Leareth wants to pick her up and twirl her around for some reason so he does. So this is why people like kissing so much. He had honestly never bothered to wonder about it that hard. 

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She wasn't expecting that but it's fun! She expects that she is not an especially good kisser but someone who discovered what it was like to have a crush on somebody yesterday cannot reasonably be disappointed so she is attempting not to dwell on it.

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Leareth is definitely not disappointed! At all! He's probably also a bad kisser but honestly even if both of them are bad kissers he's not sure this is making the experience worse for either of them. It seems kind of maximally good. 

...Is standing around kissing outside a restaurant a done thing? Leareth realizes he's paid very little attention to whether this gets people frowned at. 

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They should probably tone it down a little.

"Uh," she says, pausing to catch her breath, "my dorm has the single bed but the guest room at Rana's I used to live in has a double - she'll tease but she won't mind -"

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"If you are sure?" Leareth is also a bit out of breath but in a weirdly good way. "I mean. Yes. I would like that." He hopes Belrun is aware that he has no idea what he's doing, but if they made it work for kissing they can probably make it work for, well, everything else. 

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"I don't have a very specific agenda but I don't want to let go of you and don't expect that to change in the next twelve candlemarks."

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"I also do not feel any urge to let go of you." What is the least letting-go-of-each-other they can manage and still walk? 

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With some effort they can walk down the street with her arm twined around his and her head on his shoulder!

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Which is kind of impractical but practicality is, for once, not Leareth's top concern. 

(He makes a halfhearted attempt to think about whether he should pass a message or something, but he just spoke to some of his people up north earlier today, they're not going to be expecting him back tonight, it'll be fine - he'll just have to un-distract himself long enough to do some discreet wards because he's pretty sure that while he is kissing Belrun he would miss any other magic happening nearby up to and including a Gate on the door to her room.) 

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Rana gives them a knowing look but nothing more when Belrun tugs Leareth into the guest room, which still has a bookshelf in it but otherwise no longer looks much like Belrun lives there. And then she renders him unable to notice adjacent Gates.

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Fortunately there are no suspicious Gates with assassins, because he stays distracted for a while. 

Eventually Leareth finds himself snuggling her and very sleepy and halfheartedly trying to check the wards one last time...

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Belrun has no such tasks she needs to be doing and just wraps herself around him cozily and falls asleep.

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And some time later they will both find themselves in a howling snowstorm, facing a pass carved through a very large mountain, Belrun standing a ways back from Leareth with a group of other silent dream figures and wearing lots of magic jewelry and sturdy winter clothing that keeps her cozy.

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Leareth does not seem at all surprised. "Herald Vanyel," he says. 

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A silver-haired figure clad in travel-worn Herald's Whites steps out at the mouth of the pass. "Leareth." He starts walking forward.

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Huh. Lucid dream. She's too far back to hear the conversation and doesn't know its contents via Dream Subtext either. Weird setting for a lucid dream and she can't turn it into a nice beach even by concentrating but at least she's not as cold as it looks like she should be. Oh well.

She starts scaling the nearest cliff-face, propping herself up where it's slippery or sheer with Fetching that's just slightly too weak to hoist herself outright off the ground. The dream is allowing her Fetching to work normally, and at normal strength - though it's far too dangerous a hobby to entertain while fully awake - it does suffice to let her to, from a sufficient height, glide in a pleasing fashion.

Swoop!

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Vanyel has made it about ten paces out from the mouth of the pass. "Leareth, I needed to talk to you about– what in all hells is that?" 

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...swoop? Okay she comes in for a landing next to Leareth to see what's going on in the Dream Plot. "...hello?"

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Leareth is giving her the stunned look that someone might if they had just gotten up to start a lecture to their students at the university and a complete wedding party had just fallen through the ceiling. 

"...Um," he says, which is the first time he has ever audibly said 'um' in front of her. He goes through about six things he could say and lands on the one that's shortest. "You must know of Herald Vanyel?" 

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"I... don't think we've met and I don't have dream subtext on it either, no."

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The man in white jogs up to them. He's actually quite young-looking, maybe in his mid-thirties, but with the look of someone whose twenties were very gruelling. "Leareth, if you were going to bring up the songs, don't, just, do not. I will throw a snowball at you. Who is this and what is she doing, um, flying over my head in the dream?"

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"This is Belrun," Leareth says, and then gets stuck on saying the 'lifebonded' part, mostly because it's just occurred to him that Vanyel is pretty likely to find that upsetting. 

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"I feel like flying is a very obvious thing to do in a dream. I refrain awake, you lose more Fetchers that way. ...is this some kind of magic dream? Leareth, do you have contagious magic dreams - anyway. Songs? I avoid Bards and am accordingly not up on current events."

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"Vanyel here – from Valdemar, obviously – heroically won their war with Karse a couple of years ago," Leareth says. He seems to be trying not to have facial expressions. 

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"I think it wasn't just me," Vanyel says dryly. 

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"It was approximately just you." 

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"Uh. Congratulations. ...if I'm in the way of your magic dream, or this is not a magic dream and you're just not very expository dream characters, can't quite tell which yet, I'm perfectly content to glide around for the duration," she adds.

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"Oh, it's a magic dream," Vanyel says. "Leareth, what is she doing here?" 

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Leareth glances at Belrun, lowers his voice. "What are you doing here? I did not think that - the situation - meant you would just turn up in all of my dreams. Unless it is only this one specifically." 

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"I didn't do it on purpose! I do not normally have magic dreams."

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"It must be related to the - other thing, then." Leareth glances at Vanyel. "I think we were about to have an important conversation, but–"

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"I mean, I'm very curious," Vanyel says. "Also it's not like this is a huge secret anymore, that's kind of the whole point. If you know who she is and she isn't just some random person, I guess she can hang out while we talk. It just might be boring. Or gross. Or generally un-fun." 

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"I'm not a random person, he knows who I am," confirms Belrun slowly. "And I can abandon a conversation I'm not getting anything out of but I'm not squeamish, so, uh, converse away, I guess. ...it's nice to meet you?"

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"Short version is I did blood-magic at an important battle because I was dumb and was going to die otherwise and I kept it secret from almost everyone but then there was a different scandal and someone leaked it and I just went under trial with the Heralds' Court about it and they ended up deciding it was fine but I don't know if they were right," Vanyel says all in one breath. 

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Belrun Fetches over a heap of snow to sit on. Opens her mouth to say something, pauses, glances at Leareth, subsides.

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Leareth makes himself a seat as well and puts a heat-spell up between them. "Well, do you think that what you did was reasonable and justified?"

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"...Yes," Vanyel says, with some obvious reluctance. "I mean, everything I did leading up to having to do that was stupid, but - given that I was in that position, I can't see that not doing it would've been better?" 

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"What were your considerations?" Leareth says. He glances at Belrun. (He's weirdly tempted to offer to drape some of his cloak around her, but Vanyel is going to give him such a weird look if he does that.) 

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"They were enemy soldiers and they were trying to kill me and I would have killed them anyway except I was out of magic. Due to being an idiot. I - don't see that it's really worse to have killed them for power?" 

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"Ignore me if I'm just retreading context you both already have but is there even a treaty in place between Valdemar and Karse forbidding wartime blood-magic?"

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"I would assume not given that the Karsite side was using it copiously," Leareth says dryly. 

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Vanyel nods. "It's against Valdemar's Laws, and - the rules that apply to Heralds around acceptable use of Gifts, I mean. It's obviously not against Karsite law although Queen Karis might be trying to change that." 

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"So the issue has absolutely nothing to do with the effect on the victim, and instead people are worried about - moral injury? Public relations? Isn't your Companion supposed to handle both of those for you, I thought that was what they were for."

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"I think the concern is about - precedent, basically? Yfandes didn't repudiate me over it, obviously – she was mad but she also got it, she was there with me. But, the thing my aunt said is that it means something real that Heralds aren't supposed to do that kind of thing. Aren't supposed to even be capable of it, because our Companions would repudiate us if we were bad people. So everyone's really confused about what that means. Also the King is furious with me for not telling him two years ago when it originally happened, which is on me, I - thought nobody knew and what was the point, but I should've guessed there was a good chance it'd come out eventually in some giant scandal." 

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"But Yfandes didn't make you tell him either, or tell all the other Companions herself?"

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"No. I mean, my aunt knew because she was there, I talked it out with her, but - I guess Yfandes didn't want to deal with the fallout of telling the Groveborn either, even though she admits now that it probably would've been wiser."

He shakes his head. "I guess the thing is that Companions aren't morally perfect, they don't always know the right answer and when they do they can't always bring themselves to do it, if it's scary. But - Valdemar is sort of built on this assumption that they are perfect, and so...everyone's really confused and upset when something like this happens." 

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"Wow. Okay."

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"...I think the point everyone's coming to agree on now is that there shouldn't have been such a hard line against it in the first place, because - well, Yfandes doesn't think it was monstrous, neither does Rolan. Or, no, that's not it exactly - they agree it was pretty monstrous but so is fireballing a thousand Karsite soldiers from fifty miles away and nobody blinked an eye when I did that during the war, and this...wasn't less justified. And no one's ever thought that having a Companion means Heralds can't kill enemy soldiers." 

Shrug. "No one's talking about making it legal. I don't think anyone, including me, wants Valdemar to become like Karse was during the war, even though – gods, I can understand why they did it? They were desperate because they were up against me, and in the battle of Sunhame they sent out a bunch of recently drafted priests and priestesses - kids, really - with mage-gift and probably a day worth of training in throwing blood-magic around. Wasn't enough to hold us off but I get why they tried and I don't see what other options they had at that point. Anyway. That's kind of a ramble. I don't know." 

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"Sounds bad all around, I'm sorry that happened to you."

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"Er, thank you, I guess?" 

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"I am still confused what you think the Court did wrong," Leareth says. "It sounds as though they realized some previous thinking had been unreasonable, and shifted it." 

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Helpless shrug. "I'm worried they - did it for the wrong reasons? It'd be one thing if I thought people actually understood why I made the choice I made, how I was thinking about it. But I'm kind of worried they just...thought they had to come to a verdict that let them keep me around as a Herald. For political reasons, because I'm a war hero and they need me. I don't want it to have been decided that way because they - think I'm special and different." 

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"So if some other Herald had done this what would they have done instead - kidnapped their Companion and exiled the Herald to the Pelagirs or something? I don't think there's actually a system for de-Whitesing a Herald whose Companion is right there endorsing them."

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"I mean, no, that has literally never come up before." 

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"So they could have just had their hands tied by having no system to deal with this whatsoever, and I guess they could have pulled out more creativity if you weren't the sort of person who could pretty much singlehandedly win them a war, but actually there is not some clear protocol of justice you have evaded for corrupt reasons, it's just a mess?"

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"The entire thing is definitely a giant mess. I - think they sort of ended up deciding I did it partly because I...wasn't emotionally stable at the time and therefore it's less my fault? And, I mean, it's not false that I was kind of a mess, just, actually, deciding to do blood-magic had nothing to do with that. So I'm kind of unreasonably mad about that part." 

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"Seems like being not only exonerated but also seen and understood is a pretty high standard to have for your governing authorities but I suppose all the Heralds are friends and that'd muddy it."

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Sigh. "I said I know I'm being unreasonable about that part. I'm mostly angry that they interrogated me under Truth Spell about that. It felt very unfair. Which I know is also unreasonable. It's just been kind of a terrible week." 

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"Yeah, it sounds bad. I assume you have people who are not total strangers inexplicably sharing your dreams to hug you but maybe they're all Heralds and it's awkward? Do you want a hug?"

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"Huh?" Vanyel blinks at her for a moment and then turns to look at Leareth. 

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Leareth raises his eyebrows a little. "She does not bite." 

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"Then, um, sure, I will take a hug from the flying dream stranger." 

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"How would you know if I bite," she says to Leareth, but she hugs Vanyel and doesn't bite him at all.

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It's a very good hug! Vanyel is still extremely confused but now he can be confused and getting hugged at the same time, which is an improvement. 

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"I at least feel it would be bafflingly out of character for you to bite Vanyel unprovoked right now," Leareth says, sounding amused. "You do things for reasons and I cannot thing of a sensible reason for that action." 

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"Yes, yes," she says fondly.

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When he's done being hugged, Vanyel looks back and forth between the two of them. He is so very, very bemused about it, but... "Are you two, er, together?"

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Leareth's expression immediately goes very blank. It's not that he definitely doesn't want to tell Vanyel or doesn't trust him with it, it's just - he completely failed to think about it in advance or prepare any kind of script, because he was busy...being distracted...

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Well if he's not going to give her any cues here she's going to go "uh" kind of stupidly!

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Vanyel looks back and forth between the two of them some more. 

"...You are," he says, almost smugly. "I can't believe it. Leareth, you have a sweetheart?"

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"Um," Leareth says again, with no expression in his face or voice at all. "...Yes, actually, I do." Apparently. "Why is that so surprising?" 

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"You've got to be kidding me. It's shocking. I didn't know you were capable of, um, having attachments to people, and–" oh gods now he is imagining Leareth in bed with Belrun and wow he should not have pictured that because now his face is on its way to crimson. 

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"This is a really difficult conversation to participate in without more knowledge of applicable infosec policy," remarks Belrun after considering and discarding other statements such as "well, it is out of character and took an act of god to change it" and "it's recent" and "it's not like you had lots of them over the last two thousand years, right".

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"I think," Leareth says, wearily, "that - excuse me, Vanyel - that we should not have any further conversation on that particular topic at this time. If you would prefer not to speak any more about your recent experience, I suppose we could exchange songs again."

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Vanyel gives him a narrow-eyed look. "Sure, I guess it's none of my business anyway aside from the part where she's in the dream." 

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Ooh does Leareth sing she wants to hear him sing. She sits on her snowheap and shuts up.

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Leareth does sing! He's not exactly Bard material but his voice is perfectly serviceable and he can hold a tune reasonably well. The song he sings is in another language, he introduces it as a lullaby from the Eastern Empire. 

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Vanyel is a very good singer. And looks delighted the entire time during his own song, which is in Valdemaran and seems to be a romantic ballad about star-crossed lovers on opposite sides of Valdemar's war with Karse. 

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"I really don't listen to enough music," she remarks between songs. "Industry is infested with Bards."

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"Um. Is this an awkward time to mention that I'm technically Bardic-Gifted? ...I mean, barely." Vanyel holds his thumb and forefinger up, millimetres apart. "Also it doesn't work in the dream anyway, I can do pretend magic here but not mind-affecting things. Also I don't use it really ever. Why don't you like Bards?" 

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"Don't like mind control in any form. Also just artistically if my native opinion of some song is that the lyrics are insipid and the tune repetitive someone trying to sell me on it should use technical skill and not just shove me in the brain about it."

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Glance at Leareth. "You two must have the most fascinating dinnertime conversations." 

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Carefully neutral expression. 

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"It's been interesting."

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"How about I take another turn with a song." 

Leareth does so, then Vanyel sings a very silly bawdy song that he can barely keep a straight face through, and then the dream-sky starts dissolving. 

"Until we meet again," Leareth says–

–and Belrun will wake up back in bed with him. 

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"Mmmrf. That wasn't very restful." She squints out the window to guess the time.

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It's still dark out. 

"I am sorry," Leareth says, also sounding groggy. "I would have warned you but I did not expect - that to happen." 

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She snuggles up. "Brief me in the morning 'm tired."

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"Mmm-hmm." Leareth wraps his arms around her and falls asleep again.

They both sleep pretty late and wake up with sunlight creeping through the curtains. 

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Yawn. "Good morning what was that all about."

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"Mmm...?" Leareth opens his eyes, sleepily hugs her, sits up. "Probably unsurprisingly, it is a rather long story. I am sorry to drag you into it unexpectedly like that. I have been having that dream for...thirteen years, now? So there is a great deal of context. Roughly, it appears that Vanyel is the gods' Chosen One to fight me, but both of us take some issue with this and have been trying to figure out if there is a better way to resolve it. He does not trust me at all, which is honestly very reasonable on his part, so that has provided difficulty." 

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"I have many reactions to that but for some reason my first one was 'you are only allowed to send me to Valdemar as a hostage if I know what's going on'."

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That earns her a very startled look. "How would that– oh, as a way to earn more of his trust?" 

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"I mean, it'd probably work. But it would be very unpleasant and I don't really want to so I would need to know why."

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"I was not at all considering asking you to do that!" The idea makes him feel very scared, which is a strange thing to experience because Leareth isn't scared very often. "I do owe you the full story, though, in any case. Breakfast first?" 

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"Rana'll be at work already, I'll get something." She smooches the top of his head and gets a change of clothes out of the drawer reserved for her in the dresser. "There's probably a better way to handle your situation but I don't know so I'm wildly guessing. You're so jumpy about me - do you normally do that deadpan with Vanyel literally all the time, he must be so bewildered -"

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"...Yes? Or, well, that is - just the way that I am, normally, I am not used to it requiring effort as it did this time." 

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"Pfft." Now she is wearing clothes and can go make oat porridge.

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Leareth puts on his clothes from yesterday (he really ought to go buy more sets of clothing if he's going to be in town much longer, he packed lightly.) "Am I really jumpy about you?" he says, following her to the kitchen. 

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"I think so? You freak out when I trip, you get spooked when I idly suggest traveling to Valdemar as a gesture of good faith even though I'm right here and have no travel plans..."

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"I suppose that would qualify. Is everybody not like that in relationships? I do not want anything bad to happen to you!" 

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"I mean, most people aren't lifebonded and don't have immediate feedback on every misstep taken when they're not even around, but also it's kind of an overreaction. I've been assuming it'll calm down. Obviously you don't fall over as often as I do but I think the way I became alarmed when you unwisely got out of bed too early was comparatively restrained."

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"...Perhaps. I have been murdered kind of a lot and it is possible I am - more jumpy than most people and more likely to assume danger - as a result." 

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"It's also possible I'm calmer because I figure if you get murdered I will putter along for a month or so and then you'll pop up?"

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"Fair enough. I will try very hard not to get murdered because it would be inconvenient and also make you sad." 

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"And kill a dude."

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"...Also that, yes. I already try very hard not to get murdered and that is a reason, but now I have an additional reason of it making you sad, although - I am really not sure where I would put any more paranoia about not being murdered, short of never leaving a safe bunker up north, so perhaps I cannot." 

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"I should probably tell the dean I will not be available to teach microbio again next term today. I should possibly tell him I need to cancel the rest of the term."

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"Perhaps you can tell him that you had something come up that may necessitate dropping the rest of the term, to give him more warning, and then we can discuss it in more depth before making a final decision?" 

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"Yeah, okay." Sigh. "After breakfast I need to check my eggs and then prep for today's class, I can wing it occasionally but I used up my winging it last time. You can audit the class if you want, nobody ever checks whether people are signed up to do that or not."

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"I would like that." He's surprisingly eager to see what Belrun is like when she's teaching. "And I can tell you the rest of my history with Vanyel now, unless you would prefer I try to cover some of it over breakfast." 

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"If you can finish clarifying before the porridge is done don't let me stop you."

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There's kind of a lot of clarifying. Leareth starts at the beginning, with, well, the fact that his original plan involved invading Valdemar, and that about fourteen years ago he began having a dream-vision - mysteriously, he doesn't even have Foresight - about a Herald meeting him to kill him. 

He initially put a bounty on Vanyel's head. Not intending to kill him, he just wanted to have any idea what was going on. 

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"...did you try sending him a letter first or jump straight to kidnap attempts?"

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"I tried sending a messenger to give him a message, I thought he would be in Haven, but apparently he was not in town at the time and nobody my spies at the time could actually obtain rumours from knew where he was." 

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"I guess that would complicate things. I take it you did not successfully kidnap him."

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"...No, I did not. I think he went to the Pelagirs, which are rather impassable even to bounty hunters. In any case, about a year later it very unexpectedly became a lucid dream and we started out with some very awkward conversations. He would have been seventeen at the time." 

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"And now you give him advice and trade songs?"

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"It took some time and another accidental murder attempt to reach that point. ...To clarify, I set up a number of contingency plots to assassinate him if I decided I wished to, and then apparently the instructions to shut down one of them did not successfully get passed along – but since the assassin in question was his family's priest and he never goes home, this went unknown to both of us for over a decade. It was quite embarrassing. He was understandably miffed about it although he is shockingly difficult to kill." 

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"That does sound... embarrassing's one word for it, I guess. So since it's a Foresight dream can you alter its contents by making different plans? - also if I'm there how did you not know who I am."

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"The dream setting has never changed despite both of our plans being very different as a direct result of its existence, so, I guess that no. And, I had wondered who you were! The dream was originally quite vague – I know that you are here, that I have given you kind of an absurd number of artifacts to keep you safe and also comfortable, and I know that you are important for some reason, but not your name, let alone the rest. I had been assuming you were a person I would end up recruiting much later." 

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"Well, I was very comfortable, but there goes my plan to leave myself notes. I wonder what would be in the notebook that must be included - there has to be one, I always have one -"

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"A very intriguing question!" 

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"I guess I'll check when - or I suppose if - it happens again. How often -?"

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"Every two to four weeks on average, in the past. More likely to happen when I have just learned something new, or he has. I suppose you count." 

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"Huh. Is this whole deal god-mediated, or... what?"

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Dark look. "Most likely. Vanyel and I are both very confused about what the gods are hoping to accomplish with it, though, given that the two of us speaking does not seem to actually help with the goal of causing him to murder me." 

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"One could ask the same question about, uh, us. Do they definitely all hate you? I mean, Astera doesn't seem to mind you using her hierarchy for mail service."

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"Some seem much closer to neutral. Astera is a minor deity relative to most of the others and does not appear inclined to interfere with that system." 

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"How do you tell which gods are doing a thing if they don't kinda sign their name? I don't think anyone's sure who handles Companions unless the Companions do and aren't telling, for instance."

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"Some have signature methods - for example, Vkandis is occasionally fond of striking people with lightning bolts to make a point. The Star-Eyed has Her spirit warriors, Vkandis has Suncats. Also if something is clearly within one territory - Karse, or the Pelagirs - that is a hint. And of course if the gods scheme by sending visions to priests and such, generally They do so to members of a religious order that worships Them. Often, however, it is not clear which god is responsible for something." 

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"Why are you classifying Astera as 'more neutral'? You're using her religious hierarchy to pass your mail, that has to be incredibly open to sabotage on her part, and she hasn't touched it! Someone who had no opinion on you at all might still object to the co-opting of their stuff."

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"...I suppose that is a fair point. Though as far as I can tell Astera does not interface directly with that priesthood in any way and has not for centuries. Perhaps She does not consider it to be among Her possessions, if that is even how gods think of things." 

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"I guess. I'm really curious what-all you've got on the gods and what they're up to."

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"I have theories and quite a lot of notes, but," he looks down at his empty porridge bowl, "are you going to be late for classes?" 

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"The one I'm teaching is in the afternoon and I don't feel nearly as bad about skipping the ones I'm taking, though I guess all else being equal it would be nice to show up and that would involve leaving now, yes."

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"Would you like me to sneak in to those with you as well?" 

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"Up to you, if you're interested in a lecture on the circulatory system and a survey course on economics."

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“I am if it is where you are - only if you do not mind, of course...”

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"I guess it's a little weird looking but I'm not going to - stay, am I, so -"

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“If you think it would stand out a great deal, I could find somewhere to wait nearby...” Being highly conspicuous also seems bad although maybe Leareth is just being unreasonably paranoid. It’s very irritating how all the lifebond emotions make it hard to tell if his paranoia is reasonable or not. 

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"I mean, if anyone's paying attention they'll notice you're following me around, right, and that might actually be weirder if you're not also sitting in on the classes."

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"Fair enough." At least that will also give him the advantage that if anyone does come after her then he'll be right there. 

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So she walks him to her room to pick up her school stuff and they attend a lecture on the circulatory system and she takes a lot of notes and asks a question about capillaries and then they attend her economics seminar and it's about currency exchange and she takes a lot of notes on that too and then it's lunchtime and they can go to the cafeteria. No one tries to assassinate her the whole time. Someone does ask her who Leareth is in econ and she tells them "he's my lifebonded" and they say "that's new" and she says "yes it is" but that's the end of it.

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It's a weirdly enjoyable morning even though none of the material is that novel to him. (Though it's kind of novel, especially the circulatory system, he hasn't put a lot of effort in this lifetime into learning about that field.) 

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After lunch she goes to her lab to check on her eggs (they have numbers painted on them) and do class prep work and teach microbiology! It's about things-like-flus and how they wreck tiny creature-parts (better names pending) from the inside.

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That part is incredibly fascinating! It's Leareth's turn to take a lot of notes. 

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Awwww she likes that. Warm fuzzy feelings.

And then she's free for the day unless she wants to do more things to eggs, which is always an option. "Except I should stop by the Dean's office, let him know..."

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"Would you like me to come with you for that, or hang back? Also, I would not at all mind seeing more of your work in the lab. I am quite curious." 

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"You may as well come along since I have to explain you anyway." She heads toward the admin building.

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Leareth follows. He keeps finding himself smiling for no reason other than the fact that he's with Belrun.

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She has a five minute wait to see the dean. "Hello sir."

"Sujana! If you need more funding you need to go through the -"

She shakes her head. "Uh, I actually came to tell you I might be leaving soon. I got, um, lifebonded, only he doesn't live in town -"

"I can tell them to up the funding -"

"It's -"

"And we can get you joint accommodations and -"

"Sir -"

"- a grader for your class and he can move here so -"

"I'm going to see about finishing out the term," she says, a bit loudly, "but it might be that urgent business calls him away and I'll need to go too, I'm afraid he's not as portable as I am research and all in the long run. It's nothing to do with the university, I've been very happy here."

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Leareth feels kind of bad for the poor man now, who clearly wants to hang onto Belrun so badly and rightly so because she is great. It's not like they really have the option of her sticking around long-term, though. 

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"What's the urgent business?" the Dean asks Leareth directly, frowning.

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"I run an organization based a long way from here that does various magic-related work. I was intending to visit the city only briefly for related business, but, well, then Belrun and I met. It ought to be all right to leave things for a time but there may be work-related emergencies." 

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"We've got a good magic department here," coaxes the dean.

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"I will keep it in mind." That is not technically a lie even if he's unlikely to end up deciding differently based on it. 

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The dean accepts Belrun's suggestion about who could try to muddle through the rest of her lesson plan for the term, and tells her that he'd really appreciate it if she can stay out to the break, and shakes her warmly by the hand, and they are released from the meeting.

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"It seems as though that went reasonably well?" 

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"I think so. I don't love skipping out on them, they've been good to me, but."

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“But sometimes circumstances change in ways that are neither your fault nor theirs.” He squeezes her hand.

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"Yeah." Squeeze. "I don't actually think I should travel with the eggs unless you want to hold a Gate directly to wherever you plan to put me while I carefully Fetch them through one at a time, since, you know, they contain infectious diseases, so maybe I should try to wrap up the current phase of research and get it down to a small number that's practical to do such a thing with."

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"That would seem wise, yes. Hopefully there will not be any emergencies and we will have the ability to do that – and, yes, I could definitely hold a Gate directly to your new lab, once one exists. I ought to at some point take down the setup you will need for it." 

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"The one I have now is pretty good, though I guess it could stand to have more space. You get regular egg delivery up there? I go through a lot of them, one egg doesn't last more than a few weeks and I keep moving the microbes to new ones."

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"I could arrange for there to be chickens kept? I mean, presumably not in the lab itself, but conveniently nearby." 

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"That would do, sure."

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"Should we go to your lab now and I can take some notes on the setup while you show me your work?" 

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"Sure."

Her lab has a lot of eggs, painted with numbers, on lazy susans so she can rotate them to within range of Healing-Sight easily from wherever she puts her chair; a fire at the end of the room where she puts a pot of water on the boil for dispatching any eggs she's done with and sterilizing the racks on which the eggs sit; and a lot of notebooks, shelved under the counters where the lazy susans rest. She has a new delivery of eggs today on the steps to the building with her name on it and picks that up on the way in and paints numbers and invisibly Fetches tiny things from egg to egg to duplicate strains, painting new numbers and recording their contents in the notebooks as she goes. She doesn't touch the eggs with her hands once she's got them labeled and emplaced in lazy susans at all.

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It's an impressively well-thought-out layout and Leareth does take some notes, but it's not the thing that jumps out to him most. "You have very good fine control with Fetching," he says, feeling a burst of pride. (It is objectively pretty impressive but the pride about it is probably a lifebond emotion. Not that he really minds at this point.) "Most Fetchers who are as strong as you do not also practice the delicate side nearly so much – particularly not if their primary work is Healing!" 

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"Most Fetchers kind of don't think about how the Gift works, for some reason? I actually have the same complaint about Healers but I think it's more understandable when the thing they're doing instead is dealing with bleeding people right in front of them, that's definitely very distracting. The typical Fetcher has no such good excuse."

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And that's it he is now completely drawn in and paying her full attention. "Fascinating - say more? I actually am not at all an expert on Fetching, at least not in this body and brain, so I am not even sure what the conventional wisdom is on training it." 

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"It's got an Othersense, for one thing, it's subtle but it exists - I named it 'touchsight' and wrote a paper on it, I've got my copy in my room. Also it's possible to Fetch parts of things, although a very solid one will take a lot of force to take apart."

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"Really!" Belrun is shockingly creative as well as clever, and Leareth is very impressed, and - now he wants to kiss her about it, which isn't where he's used to the feeling of being impressed ending up, but it's not unpleasant. "I would be delighted to read your paper. Vanyel has Fetching, also, so if you do end up in our magic dream again, he might be curious as well." 

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"I do really need to know what he already knows and what he's allowed to know, I would not actually have guessed that 'guy you're trying to deescalate from prophesied war with' was someone you wanted to teach exotic Fetching technique."

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"...I suppose I do need to consider whether he needs to know and not just whether he would be very satisfyingly impressed with you." Leareth sighs slightly. "I worry that wishing everybody else to also know how excellent you are is going to distort my thinking on this. That being said, I do often share magical lore with Vanyel. I advised him on some of the work that went into building the new Web in Valdemar; after all, I am trying to be on friendly terms with him." 

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"And not just that - does he know you're immortal, can he know we're lifebonded and you didn't just pick me up somewhere, does he know about the whole thing where the gods are pretty down on you..."

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"He knows about the immortality and the gods and a number of other facts about my past life although not all. I would have to go through a list with you. I - need to think about the lifebond. Probably it is fine. I hesitated in the dream because he lost a lifebonded partner in the past and is understandably very traumatized about it." 

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"I didn't think people survived that."

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"Neither did anyone until Vanyel, I think. It has been almost fourteen years. He manages it surprisingly well but it is a sore point." 

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"I don't know how to mention it gently enough. There might not be a gentle enough."

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"Perhaps not. However, it is - more difficult to explain why we are together otherwise, and he must be very suspicious that you were pulled into the dream at all, which I now suspect is due to the lifebond resulting in my being 'inside' at least one layer of your shields – do not worry! I cannot read your mind at all! Also it would be disrespectful to your preferences so I would not if I could, but in fact I cannot anyway." 

He looks down. "...I should tell you that one of my plots was involved in the death of his partner. It was closer to an incidental consequence than something I sent orders for someone to do - an unsavoury person who had been a sort of bounty hunter for Valdemaran mages decided to accept coin from a Valdemaran family to help with their feud against another family, and this resulted in some messy deaths. I think Vanyel is not angry at this point; his circumstances are very clearly part of a god's plan, and so likely the gods would have found a different plan if my bounty hunter had not been available. It is, however, still something where I bear significant causal responsibility." 

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"He knows about that and he sings you songs. That's astonishingly forgiving."

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"Yes. He did not speak to me for a long time - a year at least - but, I think eventually he concluded that he had already known of my activities of this sort, and that if it had not troubled him enough then that he refused to engage, it ought not be any different simply because my victims had included somebody important to him in particular." A slight, fond smile. "Vanyel is like that. He tries to be consistent. Also, in general, he is very forgiving." 

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"...pity I don't know how to bring up how admirably reflective it is without being upsetting."

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"Yes. Perhaps at some point I will think of a way to tell him that is - a minimal amount upsetting, at least. In the meantime we can go over the other facts that he knows." Leareth pauses. "...He does not know my actual current plan. Yet. I...have been working toward telling him, but it seems likely I will tell you first." 

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"That would be nice."

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"You have a right to know, I think. I had been waiting to - cover some more of the background for it, and for a good uninterrupted stretch of time to discuss it." 

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"How long an uninterrupted stretch?" she asks, spinning her last lazy susan to check out egg 6-64-18.

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"Probably it would not need an entire day, but several candlemarks at least." 

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"I only have econ and not microbio or the healing lecture tomorrow, if it's too many candlemarks to fit in after dinner."

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"Probably. We can cover some more of the background with the gods after dinner, maybe." 

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"Sure. ...am I just effectively moving out of my dorm..."

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"I suppose that might be the simplest thing to do here, since I do not actually find the idea of sleeping apart very appealing." 

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"Me either. More of a walk to school but not intractable, I did it my first year here. It'll be annoying to move the books."

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"I can help although I suppose a Gate is probably overkill." 

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"Probably. I can most likely borrow a cart from somewhere."

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Nod. "Do we want to start on that tonight or later? I am imagining it might take multiple trips." 

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"Yeah, might as well." She makes a last note on the eggs and piles up firewood on the fire so the eggs won't take a chill overnight and takes his hand to head out. "Dinner first."

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Leareth squeezes her hand. "Dinner sounds wonderful." 

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Dinner is beef stew and bread and then they can go borrow crates and a cart from Facilities and pack up about half of the books in Belrun's room.

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Belrun's room seems reasonably private, so if it's all right with her, Leareth can put up a sound-barrier with magic just in case and then explain some background about gods while helping her load the cart. 

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Sounds good to her.

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Leareth can start with the Star-Eyed Goddess and describe her ancient pact with both the Shin'a'in and Tayledras peoples, formerly the Kaled'a'in before the Cataclysm happened. He's not sure what Her territory was before the Cataclysm, but afterward She ended up adopting some of the worst-hit regions, and has been leading efforts to get them repaired ever since. She's a bit subtler than Vkandis in the way She works, but seems even more determined to hang onto Her people and bind their descendants in perpetuity. He suspects She teams up with Vkandis a fair amount, and has reduced but non-negligible influence within Valdemar even though he's pretty sure Valdemar is primarily under a different and much more hands-off god. 

The Star-Eyed does not like Leareth at all and, taking into account Her spirit-warrior avatars that can directly give mortals orders, and the fact that She can send premonitions to any of the peoples bound in a pact with her, She is pretty able to prevent him from operating at all in Her territories. 

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"What can we assume about what any given god knows - like, does this mean I can't go there either?"

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"It would be helpful if we knew which one was responsible for the lifebond! I would suspect the Valdemaran local god but I know very little of Them. I am not sure if the gods would have shared information on the lifebond, or to what extent They can target you personally. That being said, probably you do not want to visit the Pelagirs or the Dhorisha plains anyway. The locals are quite hostile to any outsiders. Vanyel is somewhat of an exception, as he and his aunt have friends among the Tayledras." 

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"In Valdemar I think Kernos and Astera are popular, but you don't seem to think they necessarily interact directly with their churches, so maybe that's unrelated?"

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"I think that Kernos perhaps interacts with the monks of His order at all - though not often and the last documented instance was centuries ago - but has a fairly small actual territory mostly confined to the northwest of Valdemar . I am not even sure which interventions to attribute to Astera, but I have a theory that Her original territory is further south or southeast than Valdemar and the temple order simply spread much further. They have some profitable business with scribes making and selling copies of rare books." 

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"Huh. What limits their spread if not each other?"

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"I suspect something comparable to total 'size' or strength - They exist across all the planes and have relatively little influence on this one, so it becomes inefficient to try to control a very large area. Though sometimes a given god's territory is not contiguous – Iftel and Karse are both under Vkandis, for example, despite being on opposite sides of Valdemar and Hardorn. Do you know much of Iftel?" 

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"Uh... Queen Elspeth married a guy from it?"

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“The country is on surprisingly good terms with Valdemar given that they do not even allow Heralds in through their impassable barrier. I am not sure how that worked with Elspeth’s state marriage.”

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"I guess she didn't visit him at his place? Uh, they export wine. They speak Ifteli, which I think is related to Karsite." She grabs one of the notebooks they're packing, finds something toward the back, finds another notebook, flips to a page in the middle. "...okay, that's actually all I have on it, and I have a note here that it was hard to recall last time I needed any of this information."

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Leareth nods, unsurprised. "I find that everyone not of Iftel has difficulty recalling facts about it, and no one has much idea what goes on inside. I suspect there is some kind of mind-affecting magic causing this but I have no idea of how it works." 

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"Why would anyone do that though?"

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"Well, the obvious theory is that Vkandis has some kind of operation in Iftel that He does not wish outsiders to learn of. I have tried very hard to set up spies there and never succeeded, it is very frustrating." 

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"That's so - that's really big! Are there other things like that -"

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"I think Iftel's shield-wall and whatever magic causes the diffuse anti-curiosity effect is the largest and longest-duration single intervention I am aware of. Another major one is the Heartstones that the Tayledras have; do you know anything of that magic?" 

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Headshake.

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"Do you know much about ordinary magical nodes and ley-lines? I am not sure if that discussed among people who are not mages and cannot actually see or make use of them." 

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"I know the school is near a couple."

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"Yes, I noticed. In any case. Nodes are a natural collection point for mage-energy, but they can only be drawn on by Adept mages - you cannot tie a permanent spell directly to one, which is a major limit on how large and powerful permanent set-spells can be. A Heartstone is different; it sits at a hub of ley-lines, like a node, but provides a sort of 'surface' where many other kinds of spell can be linked in. It has, not quite a mind of its own, but some minimal intelligence; a Heartstone is almost alive. This is not something that can be done with ordinary magic. The Tayledras rely on Heartstones greatly in order to survive in the Pelagirs, and the way the Star-Eyed Goddess granted them this ability was by allowing them to copy a small fragment of Herself every time a Heartstone is created." 

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"What does it mean for something to be a fragment of the Star-Eyed?" She starts loading boxes onto the cart.

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Leareth helps her. "I actually know little about Heartstones because the Star-Eyed does not like me and so I have never seen one. They have memory of a sort and can answer questions, although I think they do not understand questions so much as draw up a list of everything they 'remember' associated with the concepts in the question. They can sort of communicate with other Heartstones. I believe that they also give the Star-Eyed direct access, so She can cause things to happen in Vales with much greater ease and finesse than gods can usually manage in the material plane." 

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"I feel like I'm somehow even more confused than I used to be about what gods are able to do. I mean, because before I wasn't thinking about it too hard since as far as I knew they mostly left people alone apart from the nightmare horses and I was clear of those. But still."

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"They leave most people alone. I am not most people. You...are also not most people, but I think They would have left you alone if not for me, unless you were to get up to something much more drastic than giving eggs the flu–" He stops. 

"...It would be a good time to mention that the gods seem to particularly dislike change and innovation, at least ever since the Mage Wars. I think They might be leery even of something that just allows more people to live healthy lives, simply because it would allow populations to grow and free up more total person-hours towards work that builds the future. I do not think They would see your current work as a threat, yet, but it is possible They will eventually become alarmed, if you succeed at some point at curing a disease and are working on more. Or...before, perhaps, since They perceive many possible futures as well as the present moment." Shrug. "Moot point, perhaps, since I assume at least one of Them is aware of your existence thanks to the lifebond alone." 

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"They dislike change and innovation even that's just about curing diseases? That's not... I mean, I could come up with applications of my work for warfare but curing diseases is not one of those applications."

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"One would think! So far the innovations I have been involved with that I am confident They intervened against include the development of a magic-run printing press, interest-bearing banks, and democracy." 

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"That's... a very weird list of things for gods to be against. Like - is this collective action, or does it just happen that if you run a large empire, it will contain a lot of god territories, and if you then try to turn the empire into a democracy, one of them will be allergic and the others aren't going to intervene to save you?"

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"I think this might sometimes be the mechanism, but..." Leareth sighs. "My current best theory is that the gods disprefer turns of events that - make the future more chaotic, harder to predict. Possibly some of this is for good reasons, since rapid societal change can occasionally lead to catastrophe. I think it is also partly because Foresight is something akin to Their main sensory modality? And indirect nudges, which work only if their Foresight is not too blurry, are the most efficient way they have of steering the future towards paths They prefer. Which are certainly not maximally bad. They prefer humans and other sentient species to be around and living in stable conditions, it seems. The Haighlei set of gods to the far west take change-aversion to a truly remarkable extreme, resulting in an almost completely static civilization. Conversely, the gods in - some other periods of history and locations, where innovation flourished - must have been unusually permissive." 

(The time and place of Urtho's Tower is a good example, and...presumably the gods who were nearest to the Cataclysm are not, in fact, around anymore.) 

Leareth shakes his head. "But...I think that at least some gods will intervene upstream, on social technologies that seem likely to increase the overall rate of future innovation. The printing press is obvious. A well-run banking system can better fund various merchant ventures and industries. And democracy - might lead to freer scholarship and flow of ideas? There are a few democracies on this continent that have lasted for centuries, and in practice they seem to be the ones with relatively little academic freedom." 

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"I think I'm getting mixed up by how you're presenting this, as a mix of - evidence you've collected, your conclusions and speculations from that evidence, and things I can observe in the modern day which fit or don't fit your model in various ways, and propose that we figure out some less messy structure to get me up to speed."

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"Fair enough. That will go much easier if and when I have all of my notes on it available. They are mostly up north." 

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"That's reasonable. In the short term it seems like all I need to know is not to wander anywhere obviously god-y, watch out for extremely religious people, temple of Astera in particular is fine?"

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"It ought to be though I suppose I am not certain. I think covering all the context right away is not a requirement for your short-term safety in this city in particular, though I will still feel more comfortable if I am nearby." Smile. "Possibly that has as much to do with the fact that I enjoy your company." 

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"That's the mind control talking, I'm very tiresome." She takes his hand as they tug the cart out of the dormitory.

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Probably they can navigate a heavy-laden cart safely while holding hands, especially with magic and Fetching. "Fortunately I suppose we will never know if I am tiresome, since the mind control would not let you notice either." 

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"Are all your employees very intimidated and wouldn't tell you?"

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"I hope not all of them are too intimidated - honestly, I hope that Vanyel at least is not too intimidated - but I might not know about that either. I think Nayoki has told me at least five times that I was irritating her, though, so perhaps I am not doomed on this front." 

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"He thought it was so funny that you had a 'sweetheart'. Which might not mean specifically that he's intimidated, I guess."

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"One might think if he were sufficiently intimidated he would not want to make a comment like that at all." 

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"I think I lend you the opposite of consequence."

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Chuckle. "Perhaps that will prove helpful!" 

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"It might! Which, uh, prompts the question of why exactly this happened to us in the first place, I'm going to want to give all your theology evidence a kinda thorough going-over."

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"Very sensible of you. You may well see things I have missed because - already having an interpretation can colour observations and make it difficult to notice other possible interpretations." 

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"Yeah, I'm sort of concerned you've gotten wedged into a particular frame. I'll double-check you when you've got your notes."

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"All right. It seems likely I ought to Gate back and retrieve them sooner then." 

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"Ow," she says preemptively. "Well, needs must."

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"Sorry. I will be much quicker this time! Or I suppose you could come too for the duration, it ought take less than an hour." 

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"...yeah, I think I'll come."

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"Maybe you will help me to be less intimidating to my employees! I suspect I will earn a great many odd looks." 

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"I bet. 'Ah, our boss who never makes facial expressions has brought home a girl two orders of magnitude younger than him and I think I saw him smile!'"

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"I am fairly sure I make facial expressions! When you are not around, even." 

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"The only time I've seen you when you did not know me to be around was when you were staring at Vanyel like a dour painting."

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"You will have to find an example of a dour painting to show me so that I can see what you mean." 

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"I'll let you know if I run into one."

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They reach Belrun's mother's house again and Leareth helps her unpack the cart while planning the order of notes-retrieval at his biggest library up north. 

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Rana is home by this hour; Belrun confirms it's okay for them to live in the guest room till the end of term "because, uh" and Rana agrees that this is fine.

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Leareth politely asks Rana how her day at work was. 

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Rana had a nice day apart from having to break up a fight between a biter and a hair-puller!

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Belrun's old room is on the ground floor, so there is no need to wrangle the cart up a flight of stairs, just onto the front step of the house. Cart and Leareth both get tugged into the room.

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Leareth starts unpacking books and looking for places to put them. 

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There are things other than books on the shelf in here; Belrun carries it all off to other parts of the house to make room. When the books are all unpacked so the crates can get the second batch the next day, "Do we have to worry about how much space your notes are going to take up or is the set you want reasonably modest?"

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"The set I want for now should fit in a box and I can keep them boxed when we are not consulting them." 

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"Okay. Now?"

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"If you are ready. Hopefully I will not be too tired afterward." Leareth raises a Gate and then offers his hand to help her across the threshold. 

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She follows him through, looking around curiously.

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She's stepping out into a large and well-organized library! It has lots of well organized shelves, with arms that swing out to access a second tier of books behind the first tier. The only lighting comes from some kind of mage-artifact in the ceiling, which starts out dim, but Leareth waves vaguely at it and it brightens. 

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"Oooooh." Now, how much of this is in one of the languages she can read.

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Most of the books Leareth wants right now aren't, he'll have to translate and summarize, but he can point her at some shelves of works in Rethwellani - the country has some well-known academic institutions that produce a lot of good work, as well as its many small mage-schools - and a smaller area in Valdemaran. 

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She will amuse herself scanning titles while he collects what he needs.

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There are lots and lots of books on mage-craft, mostly very obscure sub-fields of it apparently, but there's a corner on Healing, and the Valdemaran section has several books on Fetching. There's also history and engineering and architecture and economics and various other fields. 

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When she has read all the titles she takes a history book in Valdemaran that looks interesting and skims through it, glancing up fondly at Leareth now and then.

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He keeps glancing fondly at her too but it doesn't slow him down too much and he knows his way around the library pretty well. In about twenty minutes he has a good-sized pile and is hunting in a storage-closet for a suitable method to transport them. "Ah, this will do." He starts loading the books into a sturdy leather travel-case. 

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She puts the book back where she found it and stands ready to step back into her mom's house with him.

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Leareth finishes packing and offers her his hand again and then Gates them back. 

And flops onto the bed. "I am not desperately tired but I am a little tired," he confesses. 

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She flops beside him and snuggles up. "Then I will not make you explain to me your theological premises until tomorrow."

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"Mmm." Snuggle. "Find anything interesting when you were poking around?" 

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"History of the Valdemar/Hardorn alliance. Not supremely fascinating."

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"Someday I can show you what I think all the most interesting alliances of history are. Not a first priority though." Leareth yawns and squeezes her. "Gods first. Tomorrow." He is very cozy and as a result very sleepy, which is weirdly nice. 

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She Fetches the quilt over them and faceplants onto his chest and promptly falls asleep.

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They do not have any surprise shared magic dreams and Leareth wakes up with a pleasant armful of Belrun. He still instinctively checks all the wards first before anything else, but after that, he stays there snuggling her rather than getting up. 

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"Liquid. Butterfly. Soapdish."

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Adorable! 

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"Cactus." Squirm. "Cloud." Yawn. "Good morning."

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"Good morning." Snuggle. "Were you aware that you talk in your sleep? I am rather curious what you were dreaming about, if it is has any relation to that at all, it might just be random." 

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"I don't remember what I was dreaming about and was not aware that I talk in my sleep! What did I say?"

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"It seemed to be mostly disconnected words." He thinks back. "'Liquid', 'soapdish' - no, you also said 'butterfly' in the middle there - 'cactus', 'cloud'..." 

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"It would have to be a weird dream! Maybe Rana knows." She sits up and stretches.

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"Should we grab breakfast before we talk about gods? Oh, and I forgot to ask about your class today. I assume your eggs will need tending at some point also." 

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"We have all morning but should eat breakfast, yes. We didn't sleep in as late today, I think I hear Rana, maybe she fixed extra -" Belrun leans over to kiss him and then gets up, steps out, talks briefly with her mother. Rana can be heard laughing.

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If it's the sleeptalking then Leareth is very curious what the verdict ends up being! Actually he's curious either way. Everything about Belrun's life is very fascinating. 

(Much of it would be fascinating anyway, but the lifebond is probably responsible for her sleeptalking being interesting as well as her research.) 

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Breakfast is porridge again; Rana made them some extra and put apples in it but is on her way to work before Leareth emerges. "She says I've done it since I learned to talk and seldom to never have relevant dreams," Belrun reports.

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"Ah. I suppose it is likely sleeptalking has come up at some point in my past but evidently I did not think it relevant enough to make it into the summarized records that I actually try to re-memorize, because I currently know very little about why it is a thing." 

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"I bet that's true of lots of things. Caterpillars, for instance, I bet they're totally irrelevant to whatever it is you do all day." Om nom.

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"That is true! I could tell you almost nothing about the life cycle and dietary habits of caterpillars. They eat...leaves?" He eats. If they can get Mindspeech working they can eat and talk at the same time that'll be convenient. 

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"I have seen them do so, yes!"

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"Did you study them in your training as a Healer? Or have you just...watched caterpillars, sometimes? I suppose that is the sort of thing children probably do. I have not been a child myself in a very long time so I would not know for sure." 

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"I didn't decide as soon as my Gifts awakened that I was going to specialize in diseases! I think it was the right choice but I considered other things and caterpillars are interesting because they turn into butterflies. I did a term project on that once. I also seriously considered going into plants! Mages make new species sometimes, I hear, but they're always animals and often people and that seems like it's, I don't know, chasing glamor at the expense of value, sure, it's cool if you can smush a parakeet and a snake together or whatever but why hasn't anyone smushed together a dandelion and wheat. But I can just, you know, tell bright young Healing students they should consider doing wacky things to plants, whereas my specific Gift combination is especially useful for the disease angle."

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"Because of the safety aspect, I imagine? That makes sense. And, fascinating - which traits of a dandelion and wheat would you be wishing to combine, in that example? The hardiness and, well, weed nature of dandelions with the edible grain?" 

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"Ideally hardiness, self-reseeding, and speed of growth - wheat grows on a stalk yea high, and we don't eat that part, why bother with it. I suppose if you had wheat dandelions someone would need to invent a novel form of scythe, but that doesn't seem intractable."

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"That makes sense. Have you been able to direct any young students toward this project yet?" 

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"Couple of them are maybe thinking about it." She finishes her porridge. "So. Gods."

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Nod. "Do you have an order of questions to ask?" 

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"I'm not sure whether it makes more sense to have you go through all the facts you learned about gods - ideally all the reasons you came to believe any such facts instead actually - in chronological order, or if it makes sense to get your grand theory and then point out where it doesn't seem to hold so you can explain why you think so anyway, but I'm leaning the first because it was sort of frustrating when you were like 'well maybe Astera doesn't think her church is her stuff but she's at best neutral' instead of, I don't know, 'Astera murdered me in cold blood in 207 and I then stole her church in a clever heist which is why it's my mail service now'."

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"That makes sense. It is not - stored in my head in this order, mostly, but I can go in chronological order through all of the things that I observed and how confident I am in those observations, and what my interpretation was of which god acted and why. And if I am being frustrating you can tell me so." 

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"Yeah, that makes sense that you'd have it memorized in some other way."

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"Yes." 

Leareth retrieves his suitcase of books and unpacks a few of them. "If we are going in chronological order, then I suppose the earliest intervention I am aware of was well before the Cataclysm, does not involve me at all, and involved a confusing set of two paired gods and goddesses called the Twins. The records are very fragmentary as a result, but - it seems likely they answered the prayer of one of their worshippers, a mage who wished revenge for some wrong, and worked a miracle whereby her spirit was installed permanently into a magical sword who calls herself Need and is at least partially sentient. She can form a bond to living women and mind-control them into following her mission of rescuing women from danger or avenging various wrongs to women. She survived the Mage Wars, even though I suspect the gods who created her did not survive in a recognizable form. I have bumped into her on occasion." 

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Belrun takes notes of her own as he talks. "That's... weird... I'll avoid picking up swords I encounter, shall I..."

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"It is very weird. I am still quite unsure what goal that was accomplishing on the gods' part." Leareth skims through some pages. "...Next chronologically would be the cleanup immediately after the Mage Wars. It seems to be Vkandis Sunlord and the Star-Eyed Goddess who moved in soonest. Both had been worshipped by some locals despite the fact that I suspect Their core territories were more distant at the time, which is why They were not destroyed or badly damaged and were able to respond within a few decades. Tantara, one of the kingdoms destroyed, was very multicultural." 

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"You're editorializing already," she points out. "You haven't even established that gods die or use physical territory in the way you describe."

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"Fair enough. Backing up. There were several gods named and worshipped by religious orders with documented miracles before the Mage Wars and none afterward; some of the orders stayed around for a time but withered over the next few centuries. Bestet, the Battle-Goddess, is an example, as are the Twins I mentioned." 

He frowns, flips through one of the books. "Ah. Information I have on the very early history of the Kaled'a'in people's split into the Tayledras and Shin'a'in after the Cataclysm..." 

He goes through the blood-pact that the Star-Eyed made with the people, and documented miracles to make some of the land sufficiently habitable that they could survive there. 

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Belrun leave lots of whitespace in her notes so she can go back and add to them and chews through a lot of pages in the fresh notebook she started for the occasion.

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Leareth gets out a different book and finds the relevant section. "Iftel was, I believe, settled by evacuees from an army that fought in the mage wars. The human personnel were from an ethnic group that worshipped 'Vykaendys', and their religion at the time decreed that all mages had to be priests, as is the case in many religious orders under gods who do frequent direct intervention via mortals–"

He stops himself. "Sorry, that is editorialization. There are some modern groups where this rule holds true, including the Shin'a'in, and the mage-priests and priestesses in such orders are often reported to receive prophetic visions or be able to work miracles on behalf of their god. Anyway. Since the priests were not serving military duty, their battalion was assigned some mages from elsewhere, as well as various nonhumans. Their Gate had a problem and they ended up much further northeast than intended, and then ran into some of the opposing army, and the Vykaendys-worshippers prayed. Apparently this earned them the shield-barrier, which still exists. I assume something was asked in exchange but have absolutely no idea what, as I mentioned." 

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"The pronunciation difference is - purely cosmetic?" she checks.

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"I am fairly certain it is, yes." 

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"If they tolerate that much variance, does that mean there might be a single god behind several names? Or for that matter vice versa, maybe Vkandis is actually six gods in a trenchcoat."

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Leareth chuckles. "An excellent question! I suspect that it has happened for a single god to go by several names. As to whether Vkandis is six gods in a trench coat - well, it is difficult to say exactly what it means for gods to exist as individuals, since they are very different sorts of being from people and in particular are larger. The Shin'a'in lore says that their Goddess has multiple facets which can be prayed to separately for different needs. This is mostly hearsay because I am not Shin'a'in – on the two occasions I ended up in Shin'a'in bodies, once was by accident and I got murdered within a week, and the second time I decided it was wiser to leave the Plains immediately before the Goddess could notice. Interestingly, it seemed the blood-pact did not apply to me once I had taken over a body." 

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"What would have happened if it had applied to you, how is that enforced?"

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"I am not sure to what extent it is enforced on the level of every single person born to a community, since I think occasionally Shin'a'in and even sometimes Tayledras do leave their community and make their way elsewhere. However, it seems likely that the Star-Eyed can send a leshy'a Kal'enedral, or spirit warrior avatar, to speak individually to any of Her people; at the very least she can do it with some and they do not have to be mages or priests, since there are documented instances where they were neither. She can give them premonitions. There is at least one recorded occasion where She directly possessed a Swordsworn in order to work a very obvious miracle, but that happens very, very rarely. Also, on a more mundane level, the Shin'a'in and Tayledras are both tightly-knit, fairly isolated communities, and most children growing up in such a place will not end up with a desire to leave. She did not send any spirit warriors after me when I fled the Plains on the second round, though." 

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"Okay." She writes that down, bits of it in different sections according to her organizational system, and continues marching through Leareth's understanding of history, trying to derive relatively original conclusions about divine territories and powers and limits and attribution and beginnings and endings and infighting and alliances. It's a lot of evidence to sift through and they're not done before she assembles sandwiches for lunch and has to go teach microbio (it's about tiny-parts-of-creatures dividing in two) and resume.

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Leareth can accompany her to the class again. He's even more fascinated this time and adds to his notes from the previous class. In addition to the material being novel and interesting, he finds Belrun a very compelling presenter, though he's not exactly unbiased on the topic. 

(He has to keep making sure to stay focused on the content rather than drift into thinking about how Belrun is very clever and he wants to snuggle her about it, he doesn't want to distract her through the lifebond.) 

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She does occasionally glance at him with amusement but mostly manages to get through her lesson on how the tiny parts squish themselves around the middle and then are two of them.

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Does Belrun want to check on her eggs afterward before heading back to talk about gods some more? 

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Yes, but it can be pretty fast, she doesn't have a new egg delivery today.

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Then Leareth will wait while she does a quick check and then walk back holding hands with her. 

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Holding hands is NICE.

And then they can finish going through his notes on the patterns of divine behavior.

Eventually - tucked back into the guest room so Rana doesn't wonder what they're so into theology for - Belrun says, "So I think I follow along with you pretty well on most of this but I think you may be overconfident about the attribution of various motives to various gods. I don't have a better single model but I think you're more attached to this one than you should be, there's not just a lot of difficulty in the first place in identifying who if anyone did any given thing and why, there's also a motive for a god that is against you to mislead you into thinking that's not exceptional on their part so you don't concentrate your defense in their direction specifically."

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That earns her a surprised, thoughtful look. "Hmm. You...could be right. Although it does seem to be the case that none of the gods are actively in favour of my existence and work, or else they would be intervening in helpful ways. I think I would be capable of noticing suspiciously lucky coincidences, not merely suspiciously unlucky ones–"

He stops. "Oh. The dream with Vanyel - the part where we can speak to one another - could be interpreted as an intervention actively in my favour. Or not. It is unclear how it will eventually end; it could also be a bet on some gods' part that I would try to befriend him - which I did - and in the process give him knowledge and resources that would increase his odds of successfully defeating me if he were to choose that option." 

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"I could also be an intervention in your favor? I mean, or not, but nothing's tried to murder me yet. It's not the friendliest shape of intervention but it might be intended helpfully. Also some help might take the form of no-selling or averting the usual unlucky coincidences, which would be much subtler."

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"Hmm. I will have to think on that further." Leareth smiles. "You are quite good at causing me to reconsider questions I have perhaps not reviewed in too long." 

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"Happy to help." She leans on him.

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He puts his arm around her. "Any other questions for now?" 

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"Not today but I want a map of the presumptive god-territories to look at eventually. Not for any specific reason, just to have a visual."

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"I ought to be able to do that, though it does involve guesswork." 

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"Yeah, that's fine." Nuzzle.

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Snuggle. "Bed?" 

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"Mm-hm." Bed ensues.

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The next morning, Leareth watches Belrun with a thoughtful expression as they get breakfast. 

"Now seems to be a good time to cover some - final context - and then my actual current plan," he says. "Although it would be easiest if there is a good long block of time free for it; what is your schedule for today?" 

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"I have my morning classes again but not microbio today, and I can skip them and get notes from Kamie or somebody to copy, they just won't be as good as mine."

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“It seems probably worth having somewhat worse notes in order to have that discussion sooner, but I suppose it is up to you.”

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"I can skip. Though that decision is at least seven percent wanting to snuggle you all day and I really hope that whole phenomenon calms down or accepts partitioning or something after a week or three."

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“Perhaps the gods’ plan with this is simply that I cannot do the particular work that annoys them most while snuggling you. Certainly it would crimp any scheme to invade Valdemar. Though I am hoping not to do that anyway at this point.”

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"Yeah, so, uh, why do you want to invade Valdemar? I've been using as a placeholder rationale 'the whole thing with Companions is fucked up and cannot be stopped while Valdemar continues to exist as a state' but I made that up so I'm assuming it's wrong."

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"That is not the ultimate reason, no. The Companions are the major reason I did not think it would be possible to ally with Valdemar for this plan, and therefore if I wanted to use their territory as a staging-ground, which has several advantages, it would have to be by conquest. That is also why I initially did not think there was any real chance of allying with Vanyel, though he keeps surprising me." 

He lets out his breath. "I want to start with a different piece of context about my life that I elided before. Less because it is sensitive and more because, well, I expect to have emotions about it." He shakes his head. "I suppose it is a lost cause not to have emotions in front of you, even if I am apparently a dour painting with Vanyel." 

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"Okay." She squeezes him.

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"I have mentioned the Cataclysm," Leareth says quietly. "My first life was immediately before it. I actually have almost no records from it, unsurprisingly given what happened at the end of it, so I have minimal information about what happened. I do know that I studied under a mage called Urtho, a brilliant and innovative man - he created gryphons as a species, and a large network of permanent Gates, and various other wonders. He ran a world-renowned academy for mages from his Tower. I remember little else about him, sadly, but I know that I respected him a great deal." 

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She nods. She isn't trying to take notes right now.

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"I know that after I finished my studies, I went back to my home kingdom of Predain," Leareth says slowly. "It was kind of a terrible place. I think Urtho did not truly understand the conditions there, since Tantara, where he was based, was prosperous and thriving. I - tried to fix things."

A flicker of a smile. "In my characteristic ruthless way, I suppose. I ended up as advisor to the King. Urtho did not believe that mages ought to seek political power and he was very against this. Even though he had been appointed Archmage of Tantara by then; I suppose he thought that had not been his decision and so it was all right? Anyway. We continued exchanging letters and I thought we remained on good terms. I had told him that Predain had no intention of trying to conquer any of Tantara; what would the point have been? However, he must not have trusted that claim, since he - started a war against my country. I do remember that it came as a surprise to me." 

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"- I'm assuming I should hold my questions since you don't remember much?"

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"Probably. I can try my best at the end to answer any questions you still have." 

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"Okay. Go on."

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"...There is not much more to it. He attacked. I fought back. It was - very damaging, to a country I had just barely wrestled into better conditions, but I suppose I saw no choice at the time, I did not think it right to simply surrender. I–" he looks down. "I wish that I had. It was not worth it." 

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"Why didn't he think mages should seek political power?"

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"You know, I am not sure. I assume it was somehow part of his philosophy of life. He thought humans could not be trusted with multiple sources of power, I suppose." 

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"Any guess what would have made it look like you were going to invade?"

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"We were expanding on other borders, I think, though that was into land that was not held by an organized state and so I consider it different. May I finish saying what happened before more questions?" 

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"Oh, sure, sorry."

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"We were at war. It was costly but Predain was winning; I suppose was a much better tactician even then, though I am sure I made many stupid blunders. However, Urtho had - designed a superweapon. I was not aware of this; he had done a great deal of secret research. When my army was close to his Tower, he - dispatched a gryphon strike team with the weapon, then called down a Final Strike on it himself and triggered a number of additional failsafes, resulting in a very large explosion. The weapon reached me, it must have been only hours later, maybe days - I did not have a chance to record any of it and so the memory is very blurred now. I must have known he was dead. The weapon - killed my body, and presumably all of the team sent with it. And in combination with the damage from his Tower, and the fact that they had left a Gate open nearby and linked to a permanent threshold that was part of an entire network, that is what caused the Cataclysm." 

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"...eeesh."

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Leareth hugs her tighter. He's quiet for a few seconds. "All right, now you can ask the rest of your questions." 

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"Uh - how far in advance of that did you set up your immortality thing?"

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"A decade? I do not remember exactly and I lost all of the notes on it. I know that I tried multiple different setups, with the actual one as a backup since it involves killing people, and the others either did not work in the first place or did not survive the Cataclysm." 

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"Like, definitely some of each, or you don't know the mix - trying to gauge how likely one would be to work if attempted now."

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"At least one was not going to work period, given what I now understand better about magic. One that I am certain does work - similar to the method with Need, though I had not met her at that time and was deriving it from first principles - is now dispreferred since it seems to have left her...not exactly intact as the human mind she was before. There are probably options that would work, but they would require unlinking my current setup and then a lag time while I finished preparations on the new one, and I have been concerned about the gods finding a way to murder me during that gap, or to directly sabotage any method they can arrange to observe me setting up, so I have not attempted it." 

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"I mean for me."

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"I definitely have ideas of what we could try for you. I am concerned about interference but there is not the same downside risk since you are not already immortal. Probably we ought not try one of the ways that involves killing your current body, though." 

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"Not unless something real bad happens to it, no."

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Protective squeeze. "We will have to take good care of it, then; I would be very sad if I were lifebonded to a magic sword instead, it seems it would be less snuggly." 

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"A sword seems like a dumb choice. If I have to be an inanimate object at all I think I'd like to be a book. Which might be snugglier than a sword but that isn't saying much."

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"A book does seem much more suited to who you are as a person. Anyway. Unless you have further questions about the Mage Wars or immortality, I can tell you about the present plan next." 

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"Go ahead."

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"There is various reasoning behind this plan, and behind starting it in Valdemar specifically, but the core of it is fairly simple." Leareth takes a deep breath. "I wish to create a new god, which will prioritize people's flourishing to a much greater extent than the current ones." 

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"...huh. O...kay."

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"...You are really not going to like the next part, I am sorry." Leareth is kind of bracing himself for her being mad at him, even though normally it doesn't get to him at all when people are mad at him, he would have a hard time being the person he was if it did. 

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"...okay. Do you want me to guess, or -"

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"I mean, I suppose you can guess if you want, but I am not going to make you, I will tell you." 

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Squeeze. "Go ahead."

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"This plan requires a great deal of power and the best current idea I have for obtaining that power is via blood-magic. It would take up to ten million lives. I am very much hoping I still find an alternative before the final point, but the reason I need an empire is so that I can have that many people in it." 

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"You're right! I don't like that part! Can you kill a god or two instead, that has to count for more than a regular person."

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"If I could get one to hold still for it I would consider trying! I am not sure how it would actually work to try to extract power from destroying a god. If I had - hmm, several dozen Heartstones that I could control fully - that would do instead. The Star-Eyed Goddess seems very unlikely to allow this." 

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"'Seems unlikely to allow this' doesn't seem like you spent a long time exhausting the possibility. Like - not just the ten million people, that many people probably die of natural causes throughout the world every, I don't know, year? Five or ten years maybe? The logistics, the moral injury to everyone having all those ten million children, the sheer - yeah. I don't like this part."

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"I do not like it much either. I simply - decided, after enough time, that I disliked it less than I dislike the state of the world remaining as it is forever. Also, the current gods have control of the afterlife and can reincarnate people; most Companions are reincarnated Heralds. They do not generally make use of this to bring people back with their memories and personalities, but since I know this is possible at least to an extent, I believe that a helpful god could eventually restore the dead people." 

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"- reincarnated Heralds, wow, that's - a distraction - uh, in what sense are people reincarnations if they don't have their memories and personalities, what else is there -"

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"Compatibility for lifebonds, for one. And some personality traits, there is a sort of kernel there, but the same basic mold of a person can be fairly different under different circumstances, it seems. However, the Companions do turn up with memories and personalities, so clearly this information is not just lost." 

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"I guess that's promising but..."

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"But it is still a very horrifying plan and you are reasonably unhappy that I am willing to consider it." 

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"I'm not unhappy that it crossed your mind, I'm unhappy that it's plan A and 'murder the Star-Eyed in particular and steal all her Heartstones' or something isn't."

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"I do not currently see a route to killing the Star-Eyed that would not require that level of power input anyway. I have tried the route of negotiating with the gods, including trying to scope out whether any are enemies with Her, but it is difficult when they will not talk to me. If you have ideas for potential god-killing schemes, perhaps they are new ones I have not already considered, so I would be delighted to hear them." 

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"I'll think on it."

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"Anything else you wish to ask about right now? I suppose there is the matter of why I think that it is possible to make a god that will act differently from the existing set, which is - complicated and high-context and I will need to at some point dig into further notes for it, but certainly something we ought to discuss eventually." 

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"It seems like it might have to - do you have a name for it, even if it's just, like, something totally uninformative like Project One or something, seems otherwise hard to talk about - it seems like it might have to not just be motivated to act differently but also have a different powerset, given that you seem likely to be overconfident about how much the existing gods squabble and disagree. If it's more than you expect, one more medium-sized god squabbling and disagreeing would only be able to nudge things in a local area - I guess that might be the idea, to have a place where you can invent things, but they have to be able to take into account things that happen far away outside their own territories for coincidence management because mortals routinely travel betwixt and between territories."

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"Hmm. I had in fact been assuming that initially it would be one territory among many. Though if you are correct, my new god might either face more resistance then expected, or possibly active alliance from an existing god who is not willing to talk to a mere human such as myself. The opportunity for negotiation is something I had been planning for as well, but it is definitely worth pausing and considering whether I have fallen too deep into certain assumptions about the negotiating conditions." 

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"And - hm - are you positive gods can in fact have conversations - like, conversations as distinct from... emitting a series of words that gets a result they want. Those might be importantly different things. There might be weird ways of talking to them that closes the gap between how we talk and how they might."

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"Huh." Leareth is silent for a minute. "I did consider that the gods' main method of communication is probably not conversations as we know them, especially since I think their main sensory modality is something like Foresight. I - have probably not done all of the experiments that are possible, in terms of using this to try to send signals to them." 

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"I think you should do more experiments before you breed ten million people in preparation to commit mass murder you aren't completely certain you can reverse."

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"I agree. I suppose I had somewhat given up on the direct cooperation aspect when I was certain that the gods in question knew I was trying to speak with Them, and I had given Them many avenues to do so, so it seemed to indicate a lack of interest, and also I kept getting murdered which is very discouraging. I - had tried all of the avenues I could think of then given my understanding of magic. And since I had already concluded They were completely uninterested in negotiation, I did not reassess that despite having learned more about magic in the last five or six centuries. Plausibly that was a mistake. Maybe you can help me think through which options are worth trying and were not already tried."

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"I would be happy to help you with that." Kiss.

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"We should get your Mindspeech trained so that we can kiss and talk about killing gods at the same time," Leareth says cheerfully. 

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"I like this plan. How do I Mindspeak?"

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"...Honestly I think that most students need training to stop Mindspeaking random thoughts. I do not have any relevant teaching experience for your issue. I can try Mindspeaking with you from my side?" 

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"Okay."

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He pokes at her shields with a Mindtouch. :Belrun?: 

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She continues to look at him expectantly.

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"Nothing?" 

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"Nothing."

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"Hmm. I want to try tapping your shields harder to see if you can sense it. It might startle you, though." 

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"Okay."

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Tap! 

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"OH okay I noticed that."

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"Did it feel odd? I apologize. Anyway, if you feel 'where' that came from, you might try sort of reaching in that direction and trying to feel what I tapped you with?" 

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Belrun attempts this.

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Leareth can see something happening with her shields. :Over here!: he calls, projecting it in her general direction but without trying to directly link to her shields yet.

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Nudge nudge nudge?

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Leareth tries to catch her clumsy Mindspeech probe. :Belrun?: 

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:!:

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Leareth smiles and squeezes her. :I got that but it was not a word exactly: he admits. 

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:?, ... word.:

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Leareth bursts out laughing. :Very good! That was much easier than I expected, actually. Perhaps being lifebonded helps: He tries to check if she's projecting it everywhere nearby or keeping a tight link with him. Most Mindspeakers need lots of practice to do the latter instead of the former but Belrun could well be an exception to that rule. 

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It looks pretty snug; she's barely squeezing out anything at him, let alone the neighbors. :It's tricky!:

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:Practice will help. What are you finding most difficult?: 

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:I think: :keep going back to: :shielded, and you're not: :everything I send?:

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:Hmm. It does seem so. Are you getting everything that I am sending?: 

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I think so? Count to ten.

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:One two three four five six seven eight nine ten: Leareth decides against skipping one just to tease her. 

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:Didn't get three, but I think it's helping me calibrate? Keep going?:

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:Eleven twelve thirteen...: Leareth can count all the way to fifty or until whenever Belrun tells him to shut up, whichever happens first. 

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:I think I got it,: she says at forty-one.

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:Excellent! Would you like to count to me, now, so I can check all of yours is coming across?: 

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:One two three four five six seven eight nine ten?:

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:I got everything. It is a little uneven but practice will help there as well. You really do prefer to be shielded as much as possible all the time. Mindspeech is worth it, though, because: he pulls her into kiss her, :now we can still talk. If we wish to: 

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:This is a little distracting!:

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:Even better practice, then: 

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:<3:

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That is very cute. :!: 

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:Are there more nuances to this or is it mostly just a matter of practicing it till it feels natural?:

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:Longer distances while keeping the directional shielding is a little different - and finding someone at a distance, of course, though with the lifebond it should be easier for us. Group conversations also require a different kind of link. Other than that, I think this is mostly it: 

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:I think Rana has potential but not actual Mindspeech. Not sure who else to rope into a group conversation.:

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:Perhaps some of your Healing colleagues have the Gift, but also that part seems less a high priority right now. I was mainly concerned about your being able to contact me from a distance. I wonder what your range is?: 

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:Couldn't tell you. What's typical?:

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:A mile comfortably, perhaps five in an emergency, for a moderate Gift? For some reason the average among Heralds is much higher than that among even the population-matched Valdemaran Healers; perhaps having a Companion helps since they Mindspeak with their Companions constantly. Personally I would not trade having a Companion for better range, though:

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:Me either. I could Mindspeak you constantly instead.:

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:Highly preferable. Though I did just give you a new way to prevent me from getting any work done. The gods must be so entertained with themselves: 

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:You told me you weren't very busy day to day! If you need to do stuff by yourself I'm not going to chase you down and Fetch you into my lap!:

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:I know, I am teasing you. Could you Fetch me into your lap if you did want to?: 

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:Probably, unless you were holding on to something or wearing really grippy shoes? Dragging takes less force than lifting:

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Now Leareth sort of wants a demonstration but also doesn't want to tire her out for no reason. 

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:The imaginary voice of my former roommate suggests I pin you to the bed instead, should I listen to her?:

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Leareth chuckles. :What an intriguing suggestion: 

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Belrun demonstrates entertaining uses of Fetching and gets plenty of practice Mindspeaking while distracted!

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And then it's still only afternoon, and they can talk a bit more and decide whether to make dinner plans. 

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:I can't afford to go out to eat all that often but assuming you are not meaningfully financially constrained on account of being two thousand years old we could go to the place with the eggplant dip I usually go on my birthday:

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:I am certainly not meaningfully financially constrained on the scale of 'going out to eat at restaurants' although I would need to Gate back and collect more money in a few weeks if we keep doing it every night. Eggplant dip sounds delightful: 

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:Where do you get your money? Even if you take the occasional lifetime off your main project to start a business you - I guess I don't know the actual scale of your current operation but you need to fund an army in the hypothetical future even if you don't have it assembled yet, that sort of thing strains national governments: she asks, rendering herself presentable enough for eggplant dip.

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"It is possible to make a great deal of money if you are the only one alive in a given region who knows a certain variety of magic," Leareth says. "Also I can set up businesses that continue to run in my absence. I have quite a lot of secret organizations all over the continent at this point. The current project is definitely burning through resources that I have accumulated over quite a long time period, but - those are resources that I have. Fortunately it is still at the point where I can redirect them into something other than an invasion without too much wasted effort." 

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"I guess that makes sense if the gods don't leak your monopoly secret or strike your premises with lightning constantly. Do I need to worry about draining myself with Mindspeech? I know my limits with Fetching and Healing but not how they compare."

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"It does draw from the same reserves - if you Mindspeak all day you will be able to do less total Healing or Fetching, although short range should not be very tiring. Probably your endurance would increase with more practice using the Gift as well - did that happen for you with Healing or with Fetching?" 

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"Yep. I got Fetching first and I happened to break my leg shortly after and we could afford enough Healer attention to set it but I was still in bed for a while and got much better at Fetching. Also these days I can soften a fall pretty well but it took practice so I self-Healed aaaall the time even before I was allowed to work on patients, which took me longer than usual because I couldn't piggyback on a meld."

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Thinking about Belrun getting injured is stressful and Leareth hugs her instinctively. "I am very glad you have Fetching and self-healing. I think probably we ought to take a break from Mindspeech for today and then practice more tomorrow? We might try to figure out your range." 

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Hug. "Sounds good." She shows him to the eggplant dip restaurant.

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They can have a pleasant eggplant dinner and talk about safe-in-public topics like Belrun's studies, and if Belrun thinks of anything god-related or otherwise sensitive, she does now have the option of Mindspeaking it. (Private conversations in public places is another very useful case for it!) 

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Over dessert she asks :On what schedule are you imagining the ten million? Is it all at once?:

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:It is a multistage process: Leareth explains. :The bulk of the power requirement would be only in the final stage. The total for all the steps before that ought to add up to only half a million lives worth of blood-magic - and would be feasible at all to power from other sources, though at the cost of far greater inconvenience. Pulling that much from nodes, for the second to last stage, would require draining every node across Valdemar, Rethwellan, and Hardorn. Which would cause sufficient disturbance in climate patterns that the resulting crop failures and floods or other natural disasters would claim many, many lives. Perhaps less than half a million, still, but it would be a gamble. Also I would need ten times as many mages in that version, given the larger geographic area, and it would be much more dangerous work for them:

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:I don't know a lot about how mage stuff works, but why can't you just... make more nodes? The analogy is to ponds, right, you can dig a big hole and dam a river...:

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:You can do that: Leareth admits, :but it is...not very safe. Not unless you have a Heartstone or some kind of comparable tech - and I have tried many times to invent something of my own that serves the purpose of a Heartstone, and not succeeded. They are akin to living creatures in a way, with the ability to self-regulate. ...Somewhat ironically, I suppose, after the second-to-final step I would have a godlet with abilities that included what a Heartstone does, but that does not help with getting to that stage since even gods cannot time-travel to the past to create themselves:

He goes quiet for a minute, looking down at his plate with a forgotten half-loaded fork loose in his hand. 

:I suppose another way would be to enlist the help of an existing minor god: he admits. :If you are correct and, for example, Astera is actually friendly rather than simply uninterested in my goals, then She could probably do something similar: He shivers. :...I must confess that I hate the idea of relying on that, and I expect it to fail and that I will get murdered in the attempt, but - if you think it is worth trying anyway then perhaps you are right: 

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:I mean, I guess it depends on what the downside risk is? Are you operating under the assumption that the gods already know what you're up to because they can Foresee it, or what?:

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:I am certain They can Foresee that I am doing something large with disruptive potential. I have significant uncertainty of how much detail They can perceive a century into the future, but I think it is quite blurred, exactly because what I have planned is disruptive. That is, at my best guess anyway, one of the major reasons why they dislike change and innovation in the first place; it makes it much harder for Them to lay down schemes to maintain their resources and territory: 

Sigh. :To an extent I suppose it is understandable for Them to prefer stability. The Cataclysm was very disruptive, for example, and - that bore a very high cost in human lives. However, I have grown very tired of the part where Their strategy to avoid this recurring is trying to keep the world at a level where most people are subsistence farmers: 

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:It seems probably harder to sell Astera or somebody on a plan it's not safe to explain to them.

Wow, it is really crazymaking to have to think in terms of being in opposition to folks with godly powers, isn't it -:

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:It is: Leareth smiles sadly at her, then reaches across the table to squeeze her hand. :I am sorry to drag you into such a bewildering and crazymaking plan, but...I am grateful to have someone else looking at it alongside me. And making very clever suggestions about it too. I did not realize how lonely it was before now: 

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She squeezes his hand. :Was that at least better than noticing?:

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:Probably. It would be difficult to go back to not noticing, though: 

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:If anything happens to me you have bigger problems.:

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:True: He's quiet for a minute, frowning. :...I do have evidence, from attempts to study the present afterlife situation, that lifebond compatibility is retained if people die and then their souls reincarnate, but the active lifebond itself does not carry over. I am not sure whether this would be different for me given that I do not start over as a baby and do retain my current personality and at least some of my memories: 

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:I'm really curious what you know about the afterlife situation, it seems important:

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:I retrieved some of my notes on it in the previous trip, so we can go over it in detail later: Leareth twines his ankle around Belrun's under the table. :It is important: 

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:I have my quibbles with how it was managed but I'm glad you're not lonely anymore:

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Aww. :I also would prefer not having been - manipulated into this, I suppose. It...is an additional level of crazymaking, wondering what scheme whichever god did this is trying to accomplish via my not being lonely anymore: 

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:I know, right? But - they don't always win, right, and I think that seems equally likely to hold less in cases where they try pleasant distractions instead of violence:

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:Yes: Leareth is suddenly in the mood to finish his food as fast as possible so that there can be more of the kind of snuggling you cannot really do in a restaurant. 

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Gosh okay she will eat her dessert faster too and they can scurry home holding hands so he can catch her if she slips trying to be brisk.

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And then there can be snuggles, which Leareth somehow finds extra satisfying and pleasant after talking about alternate paths to fighting gods, even if none of the ideas are clearly on the way to an actual workable plan yet. 

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Snuggles are good.

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Snuggles are good! 

Whenever Belrun has a block of time available between her classes and egg duty, Leareth can dig out his notes and they can cover some afterlife info. 

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"So besides Companions, when does reincarnation happen - and how do you know it happens with Companions, for that matter?"

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"For Companions, this is mostly deductions and hearsay. They are born already knowing language and context on Heralds; records show that Companions often turn up with names matches Heralds from several centuries ago, with minor phoneme alterations. Also, I spoke to the Groveborn at the time, Taver, shortly after the Founding of Valdemar. He did not quite come out and say it but he gave some hints." 

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"Hints like what? What were you two talking about?"

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"Whether the new style of government recently set up for Valdemar would last, mainly. It was obviously problematic in several ways, including the mind-control part but also the fact that they did not set up any way for magic or Gifts generally to be used outside of state institutions such as the Heralds and the other Collegia. Rethwellan is full of independent mage-schools that attract immigrants, and various businesses; Valdemar is not and as a result their magic use is, in my opinion, much less optimized. Anyway, I was curious whether it would at least be stable, and Taver was surprisingly willing to talk to me at the time. I think we considered making a bet on it but cannot recall if we actually did; I have records of the conversation somewhere but did not re-memorize all of it. I did set up something on the same visit in case I ever wanted to prove my advanced age to someone in Valdemar centuries later. It turned out this did eventually come in handy with Vanyel."

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"What had you visiting Valdemar in the first place?"

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“I am not sure I remember! I may have been simply passing by the region. Valdemar was more of a small city-state than a kingdom at the time, there was nothing at all north or west of Haven since it was still all Pelagirs.”

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"I keep reminding myself you are two thousand years old but 'ah yes I swung by Valdemar when it was a small city-state' - even though I know that was less than one thousand years ago - still keeps jarring me."

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Leareth chuckles. “Fair enough.”

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"And he wasn't hostile at the time? Did you have a different project then?"

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“I mean, I did not tell him what my project was! I was not working any particular scheme in that lifetime, I think, more simply exploring the world as it was then. If the gods were suspicious of my activities, it seems they did not pass this on to him directly on the same day that I was visiting.”

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"Do you have a guess at the upper range on Foresight?"

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“In terms of length of time seen into the future?”

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"Yeah."

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"It is difficult to judge but I think the upper range for predicting specific events is probably a century, unless it is a very deterministic natural process - for example, even human astronomers can predict solar eclipses with reasonable fidelity for centuries into the future. For the level of detail needed to engineer precise 'coincidences', I think it is not more than a few years? This is, of course, hard to judge. Human Foresight almost never shows events more than a decade into the future - my dream with Vanyel might be an exception, since I was not planning an invasion within the decade after it started, but it is also...odd...in a number of ways." 

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"The timeframe, the lucidity, the communication aspect, me popping into it, anything else?"

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"The sheer number of times it has recurred, with exactly the same initial setting. Most Foresight visions do not show up hundreds of times over many years." 

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"Do they show up multiple times and just not that many?"

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"Showing up multiple times is common for long-range Foresight, yes. Short-range Foresight is best considered as a separate phenomenon. But the average number, according to the documentation I have access to, would be - three to ten, perhaps? Twenty would already be very unusual. Also I do not actually have the Gift of Foresight as usually considered, though that is not universally necessary to have precognitive visions." 

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"It's not? Is it... necessary to have precognitive visions more or less on one's own as opposed to when a god shoves them at you?"

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"I believe so though I am not certain there are no exceptions there. I think that priests of religious groups with a high level of involvement from the god in question will not uncommonly receive visions, or occasionally speak prophecies. Vkandis has been particularly fond of that in Karse, in the past." 

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"I wonder if Vkandis has developed the skill of having conversations! Is he one of the ones you've tried talking to?"

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"I have, yes. I had an extremely confusing and unhelpful conversation with a priest who could supposedly speak as a mouthpiece for Vkandis. On a different occasion I tried something similar and got set on fire. Also I tried to obtain an audience with one of their Suncats - have you heard of them? They are a little like Companions, except cats, and are in much closer communication with the god behind their creation. Anyway, they are frustratingly elusive and apparently did not wish to talk to me." 

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She squeezes him a little tighter when he mentions being set on fire. "I don't think I've heard of them."

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"There are a much smaller number of them than there are Companions and they have a less public facing role. I have heard reports that their current Queen Karis has one with her." 

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"Hopefully nobody is getting set on fire."

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"Vanyel confirmed a certain other rumour about the day that their war with Valdemar ended - did you hear that one? Rethwellan borders on Karse but I am not sure how much communication there was." 

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"I am impaired in learning about current events. What's the rumor?"

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"Oh, is that because of the Bards thing? Surely there is any other way of receiving news here– sorry, digression. There were rumours that Karis had been directly possessed by Vkandis in the aftermath of the final battle, and walked around for a night miraculously healing wounded soldiers on both sides. Vanyel says this is true. His sister was there." 

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"I get things out of date once there's a book on it. That's... a nice intervention I guess? Assuming Karis wasn't traumatized."

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"I do not know her so I am unsure. It was a fairly friendly intervention as they go. Frustratingly characteristic in that it happened after the battle rather than before, when a very obvious miracle demonstrating which side He was on might have prevented the injuries from happening at all. I am not sure if the gods avoid that kind of measure because it causes too much unpredictability in the future. It would not seem more costly in a purely magical sense to have done it before." 

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"Is it possible he didn't in fact favor a side?"

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"I did consider whether He intended to bless whichever side ended up winning the battle, just to - I am not sure, to have that result stick, perhaps? One might have thought it would bother Him that the side that ran the coup was passing off blood-magic as 'miracles' from Him, but in practice it seems gods are often surprisingly unbothered by fake miracles done by Their ostensible followers." 

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"I'm not sure what incentive they have to prevent that, really."

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"Fair enough, I suppose." 

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"I do think it's interesting that they wind up forming the range of church structures we see and wonder how much of that is deliberate on the gods' part and how much of it just accretes around the sort of pressure they bring to bear."

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"That is an interesting question! I do wonder to what extent church-like structures would form in the absence of any gods at all, just because...humans like to have organizations and can gain legitimacy from claiming divine authority. Certainly it seems as though churches have persisted for centuries despite a complete lack of verifiable miracles or communication from the god they were following." 

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"In the absence of any god like people would make up the entire idea of gods, or like if they all died?"

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"I had been imagining the latter, but...either, I suppose?" 

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"It'd be a funny invention."

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"It really would be. Anyway, I think this is a digression from the afterlife? We had been talking about Companions and then ended up down a very long rabbithole." 

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"You know a lot of cool stuff! It's very hard not to get sidetracked! Do tell about the afterlife when nobody's turning into a horse."

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"Well, multiple cultures speak of reincarnation, the Tayledras and Shin'a'in among them. It is difficult to find well-documented cases of it, and it is possible people are sometimes mistaken, but there are enough cases in their histories and legends that I found it quite believable. Sometimes the person in question does have a few fragments of memory and speaks of their past life; I suppose this is easier to recognize among the Tayledras in particular, since they live in such small clans where everyone knows everyone else and renowned people can be spoken of for many generations. Tayledras and Shin'a'in lore is also the source of the claim that lifebonds persist across reincarnation - rather, the potential for them does, nobody is lifebonded as an infant." 

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"Oh good."

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"It would be rather awkward! Anyway, aside from that, and from the obvious case of my own method, there are also instances of human spirits made into god-avatars without a physical form at all. The leshy'a Kal'enedral, or spirit warriors, serve as avatars of the Star-Eyed and points of contact for Her people, and are supposedly made from the human spirits of living Swordsworn who served Her." 

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"Are gods unable to come up with new souls or is it just cheaper or is it better somehow to use old ones?"

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"I think they must be capable of creating new souls, but perhaps it is cheaper in some way to reuse existing ones, or maybe it is just difficult to destroy them so why not reuse them. Souls can be destroyed, I think, but it would be fairly extreme and I do not actually know of any methods of doing it accessible to mortals." 

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"Or - hm, if they're using Heralds in particular for Companions, maybe they find it easier to predict things based on comparable past behavior? So they could use the Herald souls that acted how they liked best for Companions."

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"That would make sense, yes. Interestingly, I am of the impression that the Groveborn Companions in particular are not reincarnated humans – Taver did not confirm this in so many words, but he seemed...more alien." 

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"Huh. Did he seem similar in character to any other species? I haven't met many non-human people."

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"Not notably? Nonhuman species vary in - personality, one might say, gryphons are on average much more aggressive than humans and hertasi are on average much more oriented toward support roles. Taver's mind was different in another way. He could pay attention to at least a dozen threads at once, judging by the number of conversations he was juggling, and I suspect he has deeper access to the Foresight mechanism, which would require a different mind layout. Mortals with extremely strong Foresight Gifts have been known to go mad from it." 

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"Huh. Is he like a - mini-god? Part of a god like a Heartstone but differently?"

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"That is a clever analogy, actually! I think he is less in the god-direction than a Heartstone is, or is a smaller piece, or whatever the comparison there is. But, yes, on the spectrum from mortal minds to gods, Taver is several steps toward god. Honestly, I think all Companions have a tiny such fragment, which allows them to interact directly with Valdemar's Web in a way humans could not. Taver's fragment is not tiny, though." 

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"Huh. I wonder why they don't talk about it - Companions can definitely have conversations."

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"It is not obvious to me that they would know where these parts of them come from or why they are that way. Also I am - not sure they can have conversations to exactly the same extent humans can? One of the complaints I remember overhearing from some Heralds in very early city-state Valdemar is that their Companions were irritatingly cryptic about how they knew things." 

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"I mean, humans can do that too, my first guess without further information would be that they're under orders about that. And if they remember being humans presumably they could assess the differences since then?"

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"True." 

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"If this happened to me I'd be impaired by not being able to write afterwards but I think I'm unusual in that respect."

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"Yes, you take advantage of the ability to write much more than most people. I wonder if Companions find that irritating, though. This is not a fact that has ever come up such that I could learn it; most of the Companion facts I know are hearsay since I have obviously never been Chosen by one and would not let them Choose me if they tried." 

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"Do they directly mind control the Heralds as much as a lifebond would? I think my impression is it's - less than this but combined with very emphatic social structures."

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"I am not sure. I think it is a somewhat less intense type of bond with less emotional backwash, but the Companion half of it seems likely to have at least indirect mind control from a god, whereas at least the people in a lifebond - like us - are both just humans." 

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"Yeah, I'm thinking for the moment mostly about the degree to which Heralds can themselves be considered autonomous in principle but worried about the fallout if they deviate versus directly mind controlled."

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"I am not very confident here, but I think less direct mind control? Vanyel seems surprisingly able to just think open-mindedly about various topics, which seems harder to pull off if Heralds were directly mind-controlled as opposed to wary of stepping out of line." 

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"And his Companion isn't in the dream - or at least I didn't see one."

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"I have not seen his Companion in the dream either, no." 

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"Probably he talks to them afterward but it's at least a candlemark or two to think by himself, I guess."

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"Perhaps that is why he is more able to listen and change his mind than I had expected. I began speaking to him because it seemed as though I might as well, if we were to be stuck in a dreamscape together every so often, but - I confess I did not actually expect it to go anywhere." 

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"Are you still pretty sure you can't ally with them enough to use the place as a staging ground?"

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"...I am still fairly sure but I know I ought to be slightly less sure, given that being surprised indicates incomplete understanding of a situation. I have, more recently, been planning my conversations with Vanyel on the premise that maybe I can eventually ally with him in particular; this does not solve the issue of needing to also convince Taver but it is at least some evidence this would be possible, maybe?" 

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"Depends on a lot of stuff but, y'know, war is bad."

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"That is very true." 

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"I guess most of the problem is that it's pretty hard to get information on the prospect of a peaceful alliance without giving away information on the prospect of a violent conquest."

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"Something like that, yes. We have shared information but we are both very cautious about it and so it takes a long time." 

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"And sometimes you spend the time singing songs instead. Hm. I'm looking forward to talking to him again but I do have to be coordinated with you on what it's okay to say - I guess I don't know anything about your troop movements or whatever and I don't especially mind keeping it that way but I know what you're ultimately driving at and stuff -"

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"We should coordinate on that, yes. I have notes of what topics we have discussed – much of it has been general philosophy toward the world? And historical events; he knows of a number of my activities in past lives because I keep recommending books that I wrote hundreds of years ago and such. He knows I feel generally opposed to the gods and we have discussed that part and the reasons I think They are problematic, but I do not think it is a good time yet to share my final plan with him." 

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"Okay. No final plan, no immortality method - presumably not even if I am attempting to de-painting-ize you by pointing out that you sometimes make mistakes because the one I can point at is related thereto -"

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"He knows or can reasonably have guessed some of my immortality method - he knows I switch bodies - but he is not aware of the part about descendants and it is generally not a topic we discuss in depth. ...I suppose he does not know about the events of the Mage Wars either. I am not sure how much this is actually sensitive information rather than just - uncomfortable for me to speak of." 

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"If it's just the latter I can do it for you."

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"Do you think it would be helpful for him to know?" 

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"I don't know but I've met him once? If it comes up I want to know if I'm avoiding it for strategic reasons or if I can go ahead and I think it's better to know in advance what to do if it comes up, I'm pretty good at elision when I'm not caught by surprise."

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"I think this deserves thought but perhaps it is better to try to think it through now. Considerations for and against – I will try to think of some and maybe you can do so separately and then we can combine it?" 

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"Sure."

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Leareth thinks. 

"All right," he says finally. "I think this is mostly not strategically sensitive? The only part that might be is that superweapons such as the one Urtho made are possible. I do not actually expect Vanyel to use this information to go on and build one. Other than that, it is my sense that the important question is whether this makes me seem more or less trustable to him. I am unsure on that; I could imagine factors in both directions." 

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"Is Vanyel answerable to people who would build one?"

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"It does not seem like a very Heraldic thing to do but...I am not sure. If Taver encouraged it then they would listen. I do not know how to obtain an answer to that question without the asking in itself being suspicious."  

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"It's unfortunate, yes. I suppose you could generally inquire after Vanyel's inclination to keep mum as regards his King and so on."

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"We have danced around the topic but I do think it would be wise to address it more directly," Leareth agrees. 

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"I think it might be good to have common knowledge of how badly wars can escalate so - he knows you aren't preparing for one lightly, for one. Though I guess that could backfire."

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Sigh. "That is a problem with many of the things I could decide to share with Vanyel; it is difficult to predict exactly how he would take it, and it could backfire. ...I do wonder if sharing the tale of the Mage Wars as a mistake I made would cause me to seem more human, to him, but he could also end up thinking I am a person with a tendency to almost destroy the world." 

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"I mean, it was a long time ago! But I guess it looks like you've had the tendency to make big sweeping changes for a long time and haven't stopped having that tendency and do not always get it right."

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Leareth goes thoughtfully quiet for a while. "I mean, I do have a tendency to make large sweeping changes, and I have not always gotten it right, those are true facts about me. In general, I - think I want Vanyel to know true facts about me? I am careful about the order that I share them in, but..."

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"I guess. And you've had longer to think about this one than that one, although -" She grabs the current notebook and does a little math. "- did you spend at least four hundred years looking into not-ten-million-people power sources or is one of my assumptions wrong?"

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"...Huh. I have spent at least half of that. It would be more than three hundred years total if I count general research time from before I had conceived of the god plan specifically, since magical power was also a bottleneck for earlier work, just - at lower total quantities, and thus some of my discoveries were not useful for this. Of the last thousand years or so, the time period over which I have been explicitly working toward the create-a-god plan, perhaps a fifth of that was on research related to the power source. There are options other than this one, such as attempting to build a superweapon and use that - I have a suspicion Urtho built more than one, and in fact it is possible they survived the explosion, but the Dhorisha Plains are very firmly within the Star-Eyed's control. However, setting off a superweapon as an energy source has obvious downside risks, and - even a five percent chance of causing another Cataclysm seems worse than the blood-magic cost. And, again, there are options I know of that I could use if I already had the aid of a god, even a minor one, but - not starting from where I am now." 

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"I mean, the superweapons prove that it's possible to generate that much energy; does it actually specifically have to be weapon-like in its configuration?"

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"It seems to be much easier to make it in that configuration; the part I could not figure out was how to generate that energy in a controlled fashion. The ways to make this kind of weapon usually involve ripping an opening between two planes, or something equally violent. There are non-weapon techniques of doing this that a human Adept can use to generate power comparable to the nodes they could otherwise reach, but that does not really scale. A structure like a Heartstone could likely do a much more powerful non-weapon configuration, but, again, that is a prerequisite I do not have and cannot see a path to having." 

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"Can you reach nodes through Gates?"

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"I have not done so successfully. Mage-sight works across a Gate, so I think it ought to be possible in theory, but – well, large quantities of mage-energy interacting with an active Gate threshold was one of the contributing factors to the Cataclysm. I would consider it extremely risky to try collecting a god-building amount via that method, even if there were a proof of concept for more reasonable quantities." 

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"Maybe I should just go down a list of things you rejected and why."

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"That seems worth doing, yes. I do not think I have all of the relevant notes here but I can hit it fairly thoroughly from memory - do you recall which ones we covered so far...?" 

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"Heartstones, superweapons, cannibalizing the Star-Eyed for parts."

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"We briefly touched on accessing distant nodes via Gates and on non-superweapon versions of channeling power between planes at large scale, both of which are things I have ever studied but neither of which has anything close to a proof of concept. Hmm. Let me think through the others..." 

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Belrun leans on him and waits.

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"There are non-mortal extraplanar creatures that are not god-level. Some will cooperate with mortals and provide energy, but this does not really scale at all. Destroying some kinds of elemental spirit produces power but this is not really any more ethical than blood-magic and has massive additional inconveniences. One could technically use Abyssal demons as an energy source but I never figured out anything close to acceptable precautions for it, they are difficult to control and they eat people. It is possible to collect blood-power from natural deaths, but not really tractable to have mages standing by at all deathbeds, and it has the rate problem – if I had a Heartstone it would be a non-issue, since that power could be stored, but I do not. Animals technically produce blood-magic, but this drops off very steeply with approximate intelligence and make the numbers as well as actually combining and channeling the power much, much less tractable. Plants produce energy but at a very slow rate. I have tried converting ordinary fire into mage-energy but, while possible, the conversion rate is not at all favourable and setting the entire continent on fire for it is not actually better. I had a research angle on the interaction between Gates and moving water but it did not really pan out." 

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"How close do you have to be to get magic from someone dying and why?"

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"Within mage-sight range, which varies by the mage but - well, it is somewhat like ordinary vision, you can see a mountain from a great distance but not read a book from across the room. I think most Adept mages could do it at a half mile if they knew exactly where to look, but knowing which natural deaths will occur when and where is also an issue. I suppose if all sick elderly people were gathered in a single massive hospital with mages stationed nearby and attendants who could notice when death was approaching and warn the mages, most of the energy could be captured, but - it would be a gradual stream of it rather than all at once, so this would still require solving the storage problem." 

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"Also it would be so unpopular even if your statistics about how many people in fact died there versus if they stayed at home were squeaky clean."

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"Also that." 

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"I think this is actually a drawback of plan A, too, though - if you want any population left at all you'll have to get the numbers up well past ten million and have a filtration mechanism so you don't accidentally take out too many farmers or people who'll take care of kids or something; if you don't want any population left at all then your god starts out without a lot of game pieces to move around, for one, and you need operatives prepared to transport and murder little kids and noncombatants in Healers' robes as well as sickly grandmas and bandits, and in both situations you're going to wind up facing guerilla resistance and probably also a lot of upset from any neighbors you haven't already conquered."

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"Yes. The plan was for the former but the latter is an option, and those are all downsides." 

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"Also, like, it doesn't look like gods usually control people who are super against the idea? I guess maybe the Tayledras are spending all their spare time composing tragic poetry about how much it sucks that they have been enslaved to perform an umpteen-generation public works project but I find I would be surprised if I discovered that was the case. I think a god born of the deaths of the friends and relatives of all your essential population will be very unpopular and this may be a drawback."

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"Less so if they can be brought back, but - yes, and that part is not fully guaranteed and would not be instantaneous." 

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"I'm not actually sure how much it would help! Like, even if you only had to abduct ten million people and only held onto them for a week and didn't even hurt them this would make your project unpopular!"

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"True. Honestly, all of the methods I consider at all workable for this would be very disruptive and thus unpopular in the short run, many of them worse. I...eventually judged that this was preferable to not attempting it at all, and having the world remain as it is forever - or, more likely, end up in a much worse state after the mage storms coming in a few centuries." 

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"The what?"

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"...Did I not explain that yet? I apologize, it is clearly relevant. The Cataclysm caused serious damage to the magical linkage between the various planes, and - ripples, therein, which caused magical storms that lasted for decades afterward. Also, the structure of the magical planes is - I will have to get my notes to really explain it properly, but something like a higher-dimensional sphere? So ripples leaving a single point will eventually pass all of the way around, and back to the origin. It will be weaker than the original Cataclysm, but...the world is in a worse position also. Based on my calculations, I estimate this will happen in four to five hundred years." 

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"Oh - I was just parsing the whole thing as solely reacting to the status quo - What will, uh, actually happen?"

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“Documentation of the early Storms is lacking for obvious reasons, but guessing from that as well as theoretical understanding: magic will mostly not be useable. Set-spells such as shielding will eventually be worn down and destroyed. Gifted people and especially mages will be incapacitated at regular intervals as the ripples pass. The points where ripples cross over and stack will result in Changecreatures and other effects of the type seen in the Pelagirs now. I assume spectacular disruption to weather. This will all worsen over a period of months, perhaps a year, and end in - I am not sure how bad it will get but the maximum is ‘as bad as the Cataclysm’.”

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"Are you actually sure that's as bad as it can get? Like, if nothing else, if anybody else has anything dangerous lying around that can get set off -

- also, that doesn't sound like some the current gods have much reason to want; can your god fix it where they can't?"

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"I suppose it could in theory be worse, but - nearly everything would have to go wrong. The storm itself will have lost force in transit; I expect it to still be very bad because the world is in worse shape for it. I do think the current gods are not incentivized to let the worst case happen, and may succeed at preventing it even though they failed to prevent the Cataclysm itself. They do have more warning, as I do. Though given what I have seen, They would consider it a benefit if, for example, the Eastern Empire was destroyed due to magic failing and technology levels fell everywhere and did not rise again. And it would give Them a great deal of leverage to enslave several more population groups and otherwise clamp down on the world. So, if I do not succeed at this project first, it might not be catastrophic in terms of destroying the world, or even all of civilization, but - I fear it would be next to impossible to succeed afterward." 

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"Oh yikes I didn't even think of 'what if literally everybody was like the Tayledras'."

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"That would be one of the better case scenarios, in the short term! It would mean that said populations were alive." 

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"Would the gods even like it if everyone were dead? I guess they could make some new species and turn them loose if they didn't."

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"I think they do have some preference that people not be dead - the Star-Eyed and Vkandis both worked what must have been very costly interventions to keep the relevant population groups alive, even if they extracted a very advantageous-to-them pact out of it. But note that these were quite small groups - tens of thousands, maybe. The Star-Eyed did not seem inclined to help the other ethnicities of Tantara, and...I have no idea what befell most of my former people in Predain, certainly no recognizable lineages were around when I next visited that geographic area."

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"Where do the gods get their energy from?"

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"Some kind of interplanar interaction, I think, on a much, much larger scale than what is possible if one is a mortal being localized to the material plane. But - similar in concept to what generates energy for one of the superweapon designs." 

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"...why do you think you can build something that does that if it's a god but not if it's a power source for a god?"

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"For the same reason I have not been able to build anything similar to a Heartstone despite knowing of their existence for literally fifteen hundred years. The internal structure of a god, that serves this purpose, is not one that can be neatly separated out and imitated in isolation, it seems. It requires true intelligence to make a process with enough robustness to control those forces, not merely draw on them as a weapon would. At that point one is already making something godlike. I suppose I could try to make it as minimally godlike as possible, and then power the rest of the god from it; I have considered this, but it would not be that much cheaper, and I am less confident in getting a value-aligned god out of it, which is kind of the most important piece here." 

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"A person couldn't control it?"

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"I cannot imagine so. It would require sensory modalities that people are not set up to process - the same way Companions require some god-fragments to handle direct contact with Foresight, except moreso - and even if that were not an issue, it is very hard to imagine a setup that would not result in the person in question instantly vaporizing. I have done some experiments in this field, but it is kind of costly to do experiments that run a high risk of exploding one's researchers." 

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"Before you said the exploding part I was wondering if you could talk an actual Companion into it somehow if you got one that was amenable."

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"I do think a Companion would have a better chance of making this work! However. Exploding. It is possible for mortals to interface directly with very large quantities of energy, on the scales of Heartstones if not complete gods, but - that is another place where the Heartstone itself is semisentient and doing a great deal of work to facilitate this." 

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"What if you got a bunch of Companions on board? You were pleasantly surprised about Vanyel, he could maybe take his own Companion's temperature on the idea - it's a much more palatable idea if it doesn't involve murdering a staggering number of people."

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"I suppose it is worth considering. I - kind of expect it to backfire in some horrible way, given the Companions' degree of link to a god - and I do not expect to be able to convince them anyway, but it does seem worth at least considering taking the risk, for some chance of not needing to murder a staggering number of people. I will think on it." 

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"I'll try to sound Vanyel out a bit without giving anything away. I know you've been talking to him a long time but..."

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"You may be equipped to notice different things than I am, including perhaps things about him I have missed. Also you are - I am not going to say you are actually harmless because that is very false, but you appear friendlier and less intimidating than I do, at least." 

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"I have historically been harmless, and do not advertise my theoretical capacity for harm."

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Nod. "All right - we should review the plan of what to say to Vanyel if and when the dream comes again and you are in it. I will ask directly what his intentions are on sharing information with King Randale or others. You will try to sound him out on the matter of his Companion, without giving too much away. Possibly you will explain Urtho and the Cataclysm. What else?" 

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"Is the thing where the Cataclysm is coming back around shareable?"

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"...Let me think. Maybe? I think I would prefer to share it after the rest, and - possibly not in the same conversation, I am hesitant to hit him with too many things at once." 

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"Why after?"

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"One, it will make more sense if the part about the original Cataclysm has already been covered. Two, I think it is more likely he would feel some obligation to share it with King Randale? Since it has strategic relevance for the future. So I would like to be more confident of whether and how he is likely to do that. None of these are fully conclusive reasons, though, so I am open to being persuaded otherwise if you have different considerations." 

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"Mm, I was thinking it kind of provides motive for having a huge potentially country-invading operation and also just in general people deserve to know? The gods already do, right? But you're right the initial one will be useful context."

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"Maybe I ought to be less bothered at the concept of telling him even when I cannot predict his reaction – you are right, this is his world as well and he has a right to know. That being said, it will not happen for centuries and I have held back from him for the past decade-and-some. Another few weeks will make little difference, I feel." 

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"Okay, but - we can't coordinate mid-dream with Mindspeech, he mentioned mind-affecting Gifts don't work there - so if he's like 'why do you even HAVE an army, why don't you retire and take up painting', or something -"

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"That is a good point. If that does come up, probably we should arrange a signal of some sort, and if we both agree then we will tell him?" 

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"Does it have to be very subtle or can we just do, like, thumbs up, thumbs down?"

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"I think that would be fine? It is not as though the fact that I keep secrets is itself secret from Vanyel, I have been very upfront about it. He will not be offended." 

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"Thumbs it is."

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Nod. "And given the importance of that aspect and the prerequisites, I think you ought to share the story about Urtho, even if there is some chance it will negatively impact my agenda here. I suppose if Vanyel seems to be reacting badly enough to earlier discussion, I might try to thumbs-down you telling him that part as well, but I think it unlikely." 

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"I don't have a great understanding of the - sort of person who needs major revelations spaced out, not because the first one doesn't make sense and more explanation is needed but just to sit with it for a while? You may've noticed I don't especially do that. But I buy it's a thing."

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"You do not do that! I like that about you a great deal. I also do not really do this, though I suppose I am not sure because at this point in my life I rarely stumble on enormous new revelations." 

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"I guess 'we're lifebonded' was one but it didn't have a lot more on its heels waiting for an appropriate moment."

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"If you did have a second, equally major revelation to drop, I would be quite irritated if you had chosen to sit on it until now!" 

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"I am as you see," she assures him. Smooch.

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Nuzzle. "Then I am delighted, since I rather like what I see! ...Is there anything else we ought to cover now before we are thoroughly distracted?" 

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"I don't think so!"

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Then they can move on to being distracted! 

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It's delightful.

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Well, Belrun is delightful, so there. 

They can spend the next week or so on a mix of Belrun's classes and research, discussing gods, and Leareth taking a few afternoons to work on his own and check back in with his organization (he avoids Gating anywhere without Belrun, it's not that burningly urgent).

About a fortnight total since the last dream, they find themselves back in the winter dreamscape. 

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Belrun tromps right up to Leareth, Fetching snow out of her path and rummaging on her person for her notebook.

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Leareth greets Vanyel across the fifty feet or so separating them, and then waits for Belrun to catch up before approaching him. 

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"Hello again!" she calls when she's level with Leareth.

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"Er, hello, Belrun." Vanyel waves as he approaches. He makes himself a stool out of snow and sits. 

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Notebook notebook aha there it is but it's the kind with a clasp on it "don't mind me, I'm trying to see what if anything I have written down about the past of the hypothetical future in which we find ourselves."

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“Ah, of course.”

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Fond smile.

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She skims the few pages of the notebook which are written-on.

"I didn't write this," she says disgustedly when she's seen them all.

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“Huh! I mean, I guess that makes sense, a lot of this dream seems kind of fake to me. What does it say?”

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"It's in a deliberately obscure style so I'd need to spend more time with it to get all the details of what I am meant to be led to believe here - I mean, I do write in a deliberately obscure style but not this one - it's, uh, nervous? Very second-guessy?"

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“Odd,” Leareth says, frowning.

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"Yeah! I don't like it! I was way more blasé about disliking most divine agendas I'd ever heard of when I'd only heard of them. I guess it's reassuring that sometimes they blatantly swing and miss."

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"–oh, you think it's some kind of blatant misinformation attempt or something? That's, er, pretty heavy-handed. Though honestly I guess 'magic Foresight vision where I'm the destined hero sacrificing myself to save my realm' is also not exactly subtle." 

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"I mean, a lot of it isn't exactly subtle, it just sort of gets folded in as background? I'm sure gods are also doing many small subtle things all the time but occasionally they do something like 'create Companions and use them to direct a country by proxy' or 'implement lifebonds' or 'enslave an entire ethnicity for thousands of years in order to complete a public works project'."

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"Yes, right– wait, what?" 

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"...the Tayledras? Cleaning up the Pelagirs? They hang out a bit west of Valdemar."

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Vanyel looks very discombobulated. "...I mean, I know them? I'm good friends with people at k'Treva Vale. I really don't think they consider it being enslaved." 

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"Do they get paid?"

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"I mean, not directly, I guess? Gods don't exactly have treasuries. They have really good magic and some of it She gave them in exchange for the agreement to clean up the Pelagirs." 

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"Can they quit."

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"N..o...?"

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"That's called slavery."

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"You know, Vanyel, that is not false." 

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"I've never met a Tayledras, maybe they're all thrilled about it, but, uh, not every form of coercion is actively unpleasant all the time and it doesn't have to be to be objectionable."

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"They do mostly seem quite content with it, but they also die a lot, so..." Vanyel looks pretty uncomfortable with all of it. "Anyway, what do the gods want with you?" 

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"Oh, uh." She glances at Leareth.

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Leareth really hasn't thought of a least-upsetting way to say it, yet, but...it is starting to seem pretty relevant, they can't hide it forever, and unlike the other revelations, he's pretty sure this one will be the exact same amount of hard for Vanyel to hear at any time. 

Belrun is probably better at phrasing it kindly. He nods and gives her the least obvious thumbs-up he can manage. 

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"Somebody, we don't know who, decided it would be a good idea to lifebond us a couple weeks back."

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"What?" 

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"We were both distracted and didn't notice till we'd already been around each other for more than twelve total candlemarks."

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Vanyel is quiet for a while. 

"By somebody I assume you mean some god," he says finally, his voice very flat. "What do you think They're hoping to accomplish? I mean, you're both in the dream talking about gods being bad, and at least right now you appear to get along - I mean, I don't know, maybe you fight horribly all the rest of the time..." 

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"We don't know and it's disconcerting."

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Vanyel shivers a little. "It's disconcerting to me too." 

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"It is interesting," Leareth says slowly, "that They planted information in your notebook, in the dream, that was immediately apparently false. It suggests that - perhaps Their predictions of you are not exactly high-fidelity." 

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"How long have you been having this dream? Years, right? If they had to set it up when I was a kid..."

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"About fourteen years. Thirteen years for the lucid part, but I am not sure the dream itself would have been different before." 

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"And I don't know if you've actually tried rifling through anybody's pockets in here but if they had to have the notebook ready based on what they knew when I was eight, that might not have been enough to get it close."

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"That would fit. And, no, I have not tried riffling through pockets although I did inventory weaponry." 

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"It's interesting they even bothered to try, then? You know, it seems like it's not surprising that it didn't convince you, at that point." 

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"Yeah, I wouldn't have been very suspicious if I had a notebook but it was blank, that would just tell me I was hypothetically scared of being captured and having my notes read."

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"Huh." 

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"...Anyway. I had wanted to ask you a sort of general question, Vanyel, which we have not explicitly covered before." 

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"Yes...?" 

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"There is some additional information it might make sense to share with you. I first wished to know your current policy toward telling your King, or any other Heralds, about the content of our conversations." 

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"Give me a moment, please?" 

Vanyel is quiet for a minute or two. 

"...I don't," he confesses finally. "It's - not totally the case that I haven't ever, but, nobody except me and my Companion who is alive right now knows. I am not going to make any promises about not telling people, obviously, but it would be overcoming a lot of years of not doing that." 

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"Your Companion isn't talking to the other Companions even? Wow."

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"I mean, they'd get pretty upset. She, er..." he bites his lip for a while as though deciding how much to say. "She told the last Groveborn, and he didn't want to share it more broadly, and then he died, and...she had a feeling it'd be better not to tell the new Groveborn. She can't explain why. But it'd be really awkward and - just hard to explain." 

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"Is the feeling, like, Foresight-y, or does she not get along with the new one as well, or..."

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"I think a lot of it is Foresight-y, but...also the second thing. I don't get along with him as well either, honestly." 

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"Okay, so you're not in fact telling anybody stuff except - I assume she has a name - but under what circumstances would you?"

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Vanyel is quiet for a while again before he answers. 

"Yfandes," he says finally. "That's her name. And - I mean, if something was immediately strategically relevant to Valdemar then I'd have to tell Randi. Or if Yfandes' Foresight feeling changed, which - I suppose I can't predict what would cause that." 

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"The Foresight is probably at least often god-mediated."

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Which is unlikely to be at all convenient for their purposes. Still, Leareth can't imagine the part about Urtho and the Cataclysm triggering this, not when it's both old news to the gods and of no particular relevance to current Valdemar. He nods to Belrun. 

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"Anyway, mostly as a background context sort of thing, we were thinking of catching you up on some two-thousand-year-old history?"

And assuming Vanyel has nothing better to do she will go ahead and catch him up on that.

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Vanyel listens, going quieter and quieter. 

"...Oh," he says finally, once she finishes with the part about Urtho's death and the Cataclysm itself. "That–" He blinks. Looks at Leareth. "I am sorry." 

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Leareth is not sure what to say so he doesn't say anything. The dream is probably almost out of time anyway. 

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Belrun squeezes Leareth's hand.

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Vanyel shifts his weight on the snow-stool. "Is there– oh, it looks like we're nearly out of time." 

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"I am curious to hear your Companion's thoughts on these matters," Leareth says. "There is more we might discuss next time we speak." 

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Nod. 

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And they're both awake. 

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"'s very rude of the dream to wake us up," Belrun mumbles.

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"Go back to sleep, then." Leareth squeezes her and then rolls over. "M'going to take notes first." 

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"Mrg," she says, halfheartedly attempting to tug him back into place, but then she burrows into her covers and goes back to sleep.

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Leareth scribbles down the bits that seem most important to remember right, using a tiny mage-light shielded in his hand so as not to wake her, and then snuggles back against Belrun and falls asleep as well. 

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She takes her own notes in the morning, instead.

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Leareth sleeps in a bit later. He yawns and sits up while she's still at it. "So? Any thoughts on how it went?" 

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"He took it really well, I thought."

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"Yes, I agree. And I think he was honest with us about his constraints around telling the King. It - is interesting, actually, that his Yfandes has had a Foresight sense nudging her not to tell anybody. That...hints at it accomplishing a god's goal, somehow. I notice this is confusing to me." 

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"Are gods micromanaging them every time? Maybe telling would be good for the gods but have awful fallout for her personally, or Valdemar, and they can get what they want by another route or don't want to make the tradeoff in how Companions trust their senses."

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"...I do not think the gods are micromanaging the Companions' Foresight sense constantly; I have not checked directly but it is most similar to human short-range Foresight, so I suspect it simply links in to the same Foresight-creating mechanism that the gods themselves use, though much more shallowly. I do think it would be a potential avenue of influence if They wished. But - yes, it does make sense that the gods might wish to avoid causing the Companions to mistrust their senses there." 

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"So I guess we can tell Vanyel that if he seems nervous - if I were him I'd want to know what things were generally including by the gods' opponents to be trustworthy in various ways. ...the length of the dream is really limiting."

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"It is inconvenient. We can cover things eventually but it means we have to be careful about cases where half of an explanation might be worse than no explanation." 

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"It's weird that you've never established written correspondence."

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"...I mean, I have recommended many books that I wrote in the past to him, as a way to cover material that would be difficult to fit well into the dreams. Aside from that, I worry that slow-turnaround written communication is more open to misinterpretation and misunderstandings." 

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"I guess it could? I don't know, I'm imagining what if Vanyel had something very complicated to say and he could give us a two-sentence summary, answer whatever the most pressing questions were, and end with 'letter to follow'."

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"Oh. I am less worried about that from Vanyel's direction, actually. It is more that he has not asked, and has - mostly been rather cagey about what information he offers me at all, understandably so." 

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"Well, we could suggest it, it's not like there are twelve of him and if it hasn't come up it's definitely because they did think of it but decided it wouldn't be a good idea."

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"Fair enough. I will make a note of it for the next dream." He does so. 

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"The notebook makes me wonder what other information in the dream might be misleading. It presents us with, let's see, location, set of people, I guess a guess about timing based on everyone's ages and perhaps the season..."

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"The location is one I had already chosen when the dream began, though I would then have been unlikely to use it in the event of an actual invasion since Vanyel also knows of it now. Vanyel's hair colour gives another hint at timing - it is white because of node-magic, his original hair colour was black, this was a strong hint of the dream being set at least ten years in the future of the time it started. It is less helpful now, of course." 

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"Your hair isn't white in the dream and you've mentioned using nodes."

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Leareth's face takes on a rare expression of very slight self-consciousness, maybe even embarrassment. "...Having white hair is conspicuous, and also tells everybody that you are an Adept mage with a great deal of time spent casting heavily. I dye it." 

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"...pff."

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"What? Is that so very shocking?" 

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"It makes perfect sense! It's just, you have this very - put-together and dignified presentation? Which I only see corners of because it breaks down around me but I can tell it's there. Dyeing your hair is not dignified and being self-conscious about it definitely isn't dignified, I don't think I would have reacted like that if you'd said the same thing except the same way you'd explain having learned a language to blend in someplace."

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Leareth makes a face at her. "Why is dyeing my hair so much less dignified than learning a language, anyway?" 

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"I should have said, most people who dye their hair are not doing it for dignified reasons. Your given reason isn't the usual one but you were embarrassed about it."

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"I have never been embarrassed about it before! Perhaps it is because I imagine you thinking I am vain or something, even though I do not feel that is particularly my motivation – though I also think it looks better on me than silver would." 

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"I agree though I suppose I don't know what silver would look like on you without seeing it."

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"Mmm." Leareth chuckles. "...I could cast an illusion on it to make it silver temporarily? I think it comes out looking rather silly, though." 

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"Well now I'm curious."

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"All right, give me a moment. ...Please do not look until I am done, it will take time to get it exactly right." 

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She shuts her eyes.

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Leareth fiddles with it for a while. "...All right, look now?" Getting the exact detail of individual hairs would be very hard, but just laying a different colour tint over his actual hair is a lot easier. It's the same length and general shape as before, but gleaming silver-white. 

He has not done his eyebrows or stubble, with the result that it sort of clashes. 

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"It might work better if you'd done your eyebrows. And your beard. But probably still not as well as having them black."

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Leareth laughs. "I was being lazy. Anyway, I think white eyebrows would be terrible - they would be invisible!" 

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"Not completely, but yes."

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"Anyway, I am going to put it back now." He releases the illusion. 

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She pets his hair. "Thank you for indulging me."

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Hug. "You are welcome."

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The rest of the day passes uneventfully, and that night they find themselves back in the dreamscape. 

Vanyel stands unmoving at the mouth of the pass for a few seconds. "Leareth," he says finally, and starts walking. 

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"Does this usually happen two nights in a row?" Belrun wonders when she's caught up to within conversational distance.

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"No," Leareth says, also looking confused. "It has rarely been less than a week." 

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Vanyel doesn't say anything, just watches Leareth with a very neutral expression. 

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"You okay?"

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"What? Yes, fine. Er, Leareth said last time that there were more things to talk about today?" 

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"Yeah, but since it's only been a day it'd make sense if you hadn't caught your Companion up yet due to, I don't know what you do all day but that."

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"I did relay the part about the Cataclysm," Vanyel says, very levelly. "She was not seized by any sudden premonition to tell the King." 

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"Did somebody die? I guess you don't have to answer that but -"

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Vanyel gives her a carefully blank look. "What, today? No." 

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"Okay.

 

I was... thinking today about how we could conceivably get higher throughput communication if we had a way to send letters? I don't know if it's likely to be useful but it would be hard to set up suddenly if it ever got that way..."

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"That does seem plausibly useful to have set up." 

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"Yeah, I... didn't get as far as thinking through an entire proposal but will mail addressed to Herald Vanyel at Haven get to you?"

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"I mean, if you have a way of mailing it from the Valdemaran border, sure. Can't promise it'll get through from further away, we don't have a good way of linking up mail systems with neighbouring countries. If you gave it to a merchant or something that could work." Vanyel's voice is still very neutral. 

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"Okay, good to know.

I'm going to... go... glide around."

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"Sure, all right." 

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Leareth gives her a faintly confused look. 

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She pats Leareth's arm and goes and climbs up a cliff.

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Awkward silence.

“Would you like a method to send a letter?” Leareth asks Vanyel finally.

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“Hmm? Yes, that seems valuable as a contingency,” Vanyel says distantly.

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“All right. I can give you a message-drop location; it will not be instantaneous, I think four to five days in transit, but it will be more guaranteed and predictable that the dream.” Leareth pauses, glances at Belrun’s climbing form and then leans in and lowers his voice. “Vanyel, is - something wrong?”

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“It’s fine.”

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It’s not convincing at all but Leareth lets it slide; it’s rather reasonable of Vanyel not to trust him with it. He starts giving instructions.

This plus some awkward further sharing of random historical facts gets them to the end of the dream, and Leareth and Belrun are both awake. Again.

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"Didja figure out what was eating him?" Belrun mumbles into Leareth's hair.

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“No. He deflected firmly when I asked. It - worries me.” There wasn’t enough substantive content to be worth taking notes now, so Leareth snuggles up closer with Belrun instead.

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Zzz.

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It’s the second night in a row of interrupted sleep, and so when Leareth first cracks his eyes open, he shoves the curtains further shut with magic, without moving, and goes back to sleep, only waking up properly a candlemark before noon.

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Belrun's awake a little earlier and making potatoes and miscellaneous vegetables for brunch by the time he's up.

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Leareth wanders out. "Morning. Have you...had any ideas, about last night?" 

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"No, he just seemed really uncomfortable and I didn't know what to do about that - did you figure out how to let him send letters?"

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"I did. I gave him a message-drop location, which is not ideal because it is only checked once a day and will take up to five days to reach me - to reach the north, rather, I will need to check in to actually receive it. It did mean I did not need to have thought very carefully about the security implications, though." 

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She hands him a plate. "Well, it's better than waiting weeks for dreams."

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"Yes, I said that to him. And that at least it is a predictable interval." 

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"If we're lucky we won't ever urgently need it."

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"Mmm. I do not feel particularly comfortable telling him anything further until we know what is going on, there, but hopefully we can clarify it at the next dream." Leareth frowns vaguely at the window. "I am also not sure why it happened two nights in a row, and whether that is in itself concerning, but...I am not sure there is anything better to do there but wait." 

So they can wait. The next few days pass uneventfully.

Six days later, when Leareth uses the most secure version of his communication to check in with his command up north, he Mindspeaks Belrun in the middle of class (he's still been attending when she teaches, but not all of her other classes, so he can use the time to catch up on things nearby on the campus instead.) :Apparently there is a letter. From Vanyel. I am going to do a very quick Gate to retrieve it here since I am unsure if he meant it for my eyes only: 

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:Okay, thanks for the warning:

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Leareth considers heading back to Rana's house for the Gate, since he's plunked some shielding on the guest-bedroom that will make it a little less obvious to the many other mages in the city, but - on reflection, it seems like evidence that something is wrong, and while that isn't necessarily correlated with a threat to Belrun in particular here in another country, he is feeling a bit paranoid. He does it from a nearby deserted alleyway. Since he knows exactly where he's going, he only has to be on the other side for about thirty seconds. It's a pretty miserable thirty seconds but it's over quickly. 

He opens the letter. Reads it. 

:Belrun: he sends, with more urgency. :We have a problem: 

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:A "skip the rest of the lecture" problem?:

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:Whatever is going on, it has been for four or five days and has not exploded enough to result in any reports from the border, which I suppose reduces the urgency somewhat: Pause. :I would, however, appreciate company in figuring out what to do:

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:I'll duck out during the question period, he's wrapping up now, you can meet me en route?:

She's on her way from the lecture hall a few minutes later.

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:Of course:

Leareth meets her not too far outside the lecture hall, offers his arm so she can walk faster without tripping. It's not worth another Gate just to get back to the house a few minutes earlier; he's already a little tired from the thousand-mile one. 

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:So what happened?:

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:I am not sure exactly! Vanyel's letter is very short and mostly it just says that - things are not fine - and Yfandes is not speaking him. And he wished to warn us that the King was likely to find out at least something about our conversations. That is all: 

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:Oh dear. Uh, if I imagine I'm - reading a history book, this is the part where you send a letter saying you currently do not intend to invade Valdemar, the dream setting is out of date, would Valdemar like to receive a diplomatic party?:

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:I have not decided the exact contents of the message yet, but I am going to send one, and specify a faster method of reply than the initial one. Also I intend to find out as soon as possible whether there are any Herald or troop movements on the northern border of Valdemar:

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:Do you have anything vulnerable really near there yet? I'm not clear on the exact location of your library bunker or anything:

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:Not really, no - Valdemar's current border is almost two hundred miles south of the pass, and all of my core operations are on the other side of the mountains. It would be informative as to how worried Valdemar is: 

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She nods.

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Leareth walks the rest of the way back in silence. 

"All right," he says, wearily. "Sending a message is the highest priority, I think." He frowns. "I have considered whether it makes sense to relocate north and minimize friction in terms of communicating with my people. The one advantage of being here is that it is not where anyone in Valdemar would expect to find me, but also it is not remotely likely that they will try to attack the north directly, and if they did they would certainly not succeed." 

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"I've gotten the lab experiments down to two dozen eggs, I can bring them all home today."

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"All right. I am not feeling an emergency level of rushed to relocate, but would like to do so in the next day or two, I think. I will work on a draft message and you can make suggestions after?" 

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"Sure."

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Leareth spends the next hour or so writing up the letter, crossing out bits, rewriting it on a new piece of paper. The eventual draft is reasonably concise, with some polite diplomatese, expressing that he is not currently leaning toward invading at all and certainly is not going to do anything in the next year, and stating an intention to withdraw any active operations from the region directly north of Valdemar. (He doesn't really have that many, he tells Belrun). He gives them a different message-drop location and promises any letters left there will be read within a day. He is willing to send an un-Gifted messenger or a larger diplomatic party, but will wait on either until he has contact from them. 

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"Do you really want to leave it that wide open that you'll decide to attack anyway? 'Not leaning toward' isn't much."

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"It is not the case that I am fully decided against it in all scenarios, and I do not want to lie. Also I think they would be unlikely to believe it if I promised I would not. I suppose I could give clearer odds." 

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"I... guess, but I'm not sure 'oh, I might decide not to attack you and have no demands that would get me to stand down' is the most deescalatory option available. Mind, I don't have a better one, I'm not a diplomat, but..."

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"...Let me think. I - do think it is less likely at this point that something resembling my original plan will end up making sense, given, well, you. Also, I – well, I suppose I am used to not having options open to me that rely on being perceived as at all trustworthy or honourable, because - a cost of the choices I have made in my life generally, but the last hundred years in particular, is that they are not conducive to that. However, you are much less fundamentally untrustworthy than me. Which does change what is possible here, I think." 

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"I don't run your organization," she says. "I can tell Vanyel that you listen when I have ideas but I can't unilaterally do anything much."

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"Vanyel might be much more willing to, for example, go out and meet you to speak. Which is the sort of demand that might actually change my future actions, here, but I would not expect Vanyel to be comfortable coming to speak with me, and am reluctant to even request it explicitly." 

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"I guess that makes sense. We're assuming that's safe for me, presumably, that Vanyel is not the gods' instrument to cripple you by lifebond-breakage?"

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"I really doubt it? He does not have a relationship with any god where they could directly possess him, as is sometimes possible with the peoples in pacts with the Star-Eyed, or with priests and others closely serving Vkandis. It would be very out of character for him to harm you, and the gods mostly act via people doing exactly what is characteristic for them and makes sense given their motivations, but nudged in a particular direction."

Sigh. "That being said, it would not be guaranteed safe and I would wish to take precautions. I am not sure what precautions would work without having more of a plan there. For now I suppose I can add that offer to the letter, and work on a phrasing that is both not a lie and also as de-escalating as possible." 

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"Okay." She looks over his shoulder while he edits.

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Leareth eventually gets it down to a phrasing that, while not the most conciliatory one possible, is minimally confrontational-sounding and also true. The letter is substantially longer but still fits on a single page, which Leareth thinks is concise enough.

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"How would me going to talk to Vanyel work?" wonders Belrun.

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"I am leaving some of it up to him because I think that is more conducive to his thinking it is a good idea - you saw I suggested meeting at a border, since I think Valdemar would prefer I not Gate anybody in, and also that means you do not need to interact with other Heralds and Companions, who I trust, well, less than Vanyel. You could have some bodyguards, but honestly, if we are trusting Vanyel enough to have you meet him at all - and I do trust him with it, which is kind of saying a lot actually - then bodyguards will not make a huge difference." 

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"I'm fine going alone if I go at all. But I'm not sure how I can get around nonmagically in a snowy mountainous area, given the givens and reserving flying for when a mishap won't kill me."

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"I would plan on Gating you to near the location suggested, just, not to within Valdemar itself, and having some means of transportation that is not walking - do you know how to ride? They might also request a place that is not along the northern border." 

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"I know how but I'm not good at it."

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"Does 'not good at it' mean 'likely to fall and hurt yourself'?" 

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"No, unless the horse starts cantering. I'm capable of sitting. But they pick up on me being stressed out. I can probably fix this if it's important, I know why it happens, it's all the nightmares I had when I was a kid overgeneralizing to normal horses, but it never has been a priority so far, I've just ridden in wagons when taking long trips."

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"That makes sense. I think for most locations they might request, I could arrange a wagon as well, since there will generally be cleared roads. If Vanyel is being polite and helpful he might also offer something." 

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Nod.

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"Anyway, I suppose I will read this over a few more times and then I probably need to Gate over at least briefly to send it via the usual network and make some other arrangements. You can come if you wish." (He's hoping she will, being a thousand miles apart is not fun.

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"Yeah, I'll come."

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Then they can Gate out a few minutes later (he's going to have so much weather-magic to do tonight so no one gets mad and comes to find him about bringing in storms). The trip takes a couple of hours and is mostly Leareth Mindspeaking with various people now within range. They haven't heard anything yet about movements in Valdemar but will be keeping a closer eye. 

His letter should arrive by the next morning. 

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She's pensive, scribbling in her notebook, and doesn't stay up any later than he does when he's tired out from all the Gating that evening.

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Leareth sleeps in a bit, due to being tired out from all the Gating, and the first thing he does is check in with the communication-spell. 

:No news: he tells Belrun. :I suppose we wait, now. What more do you need to do before leaving would make sense?:

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:Get my eggs, ideally inform the Dean and my students and a couple friends, and then pack up the last-minute stuff:

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:All right. It does seem possible that we will be able to come back, if things become - less tense - but I do not think we can promise the dean that: 

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:Yeah. Also I'll have to tell Rana goodbye. Uh, is there a better way to handle the eggs besides short range Gating them to Rana's with all the other luggage, and then getting all the boxes and eggs through in one long range Gate?:

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:Hmm. I could enclose them in a couple of layers of shields and then float them in the lazy susans and walk, which would be more annoying but less tiring than a short-range Gate: 

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"Up to you, it's your reserves."

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"Hmm. I think I am more concerned about delays than arriving a little more tired, and will not need to urgently throw more magic around, so we can do the two Gates." 

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So she makes her farewells, packs her clothes and the active notes, fetches her eggs. Hugs her mom, murmurs to her.

Goes with Leareth, north, this time not planning to return any time soon.

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They Gate into a place that looks like a library. 

"We will have to take the eggs to the basement to set up there," he says, apologetic. "It is not the place I had originally considered, but that one is not ready yet. We can get egg deliveries here until it is." 

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"These are all fairly fresh and should last a few days before I've got to have new ones."

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"Well, it should be no trouble to have new ones before then. I suppose we should move them first and then set up in the guest room - I can do the layered shields for this part of transporting them? I have not been to the basement since it was renovated so was not sure of Gating there directly." 

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"Sure."

She sets up her makeshift lab as portably as possible so it won't be too annoying to move again later.

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And then Leareth can help carry her things to the available guest room, which is somewhat cramped but at least the bed is big enough to comfortably fit both of them. 

"I brought us here mostly because it is very high-security and everybody here knows about you already," he explains. "It is, however, small." 

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"I'll be fine, I'm not given to recreational strolls. Should I meet people?"

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"Yes, that would probably be good. I can introduce you to Nayoki - she is the Mindhealer I spoke of before."

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"And she will keep her Sight to herself, right?"

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"She generally does unless it is actually relevant for research purposes, but I made it particularly clear in this case, yes." 

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"All right then, I will be pleased to meet her."

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Leareth nods and leads her down a long hallway to an area that looks sort of like a cafeteria, clearly in between mealtimes since no food is out on the table at one end. A couple of people are sitting at tables, reading. 

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One of them stands up. "Welcome! You are Belrun, yes?" The woman has much darker skin than any skin tone common in Valdemar or Rethwellan, almost completely black; her hair is very short, hugging her head like wool, but is white, and her eyes are dark blue. 

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"Yes, that's me, it's nice to meet you."

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"I know it a surprise, and - not something you ask," Nayoki says, in not-very-fluent Valdemaran. "But I very happy, that Leareth lifebonded. I think he very happy too?" 

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"It has its pleasant aspects."

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Nayoki bobs her head. "Well, you need anything, you say. Glad I meet you!"

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Leareth introduces Belrun to a few others around the cafeteria - mostly they're scholars working on magical research elements of the god creation. Some more people arrive to greet her. There seem to be about a dozen personnel around and working right now. 

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She writes down all their names and makes small talk and in one case gets pleasantly sidetracked on discussing how you go about monitoring a baby god for errors.

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Leareth gets into what is presumably a work-related conversation with another person for a bit, switching back and forth from out loud to private Mindspeech, and he takes down some notes. 

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And then a matronly-looking woman who looks to be in her sixties comes in pushing a cart of food. She starts speaking in a language Belrun doesn't recognize, then switches to accented Valdemaran. "Look at that, everyone's here! Oh - Master Leareth, you're back! And you must be Belrun. I'm Maddi. I'm the mother here, that's my job. Are you hungry?" 

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"I could eat. Your job description is 'mother'?"

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"Not literally, no," Maddi says more seriously. "I'm the clerk and administrative person, I keep things organized logistically speaking, but most of the people here are mage-scholars and they do things like forget to eat unless I go drag them out of the library at suppertime." 

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"I see. It's nice to meet you."

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"Lovely to meet you too!" She starts laying out food. 

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Belrun dishes herself some and sits next to Leareth and attempts to get used to the place.

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It kind of has the feel of one of the university dining halls, except smaller and the people are on average older and the conversations happening around her very quickly end up inscrutably technical. 

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It seems like Leareth doesn't visit that often, because people have a lot of random questions or requests for him lined up. He answers all of them politely and slipping back to the same calm neutral expression he had with Vanyel. 

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What kinds of things are people asking him?

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A lot of them are speaking a language she doesn't know, mostly it sounds like the same language, Leareth mentions that it's the most common dialect spoken by the locals up north. Some very obscure questions about magic; lots of requests for particular materials or records or sometimes personnel movements; one person wants permission to travel to Rethwellan, actually. (Leareth says no for now, things are up in the air, ask again in a fortnight.) 

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She amuses herself by trying to pick out words in the unfamiliar language till she's done eating and excuses herself to do some writing.

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Leareth gets back a lot later. "I apologize, it turns out there was a significant backlog of routine things to deal with." He pointedly doesn't look at her notebook. "Doing some useful thinking?" 

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"It's important even when it's not useful; it tells me that I'm not for lack of opportunity missing the useful kind." She flips it closed. "When are we expecting turnaround from Valdemar?"

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"If they reply immediately to the message I sent, we ought to hear anytime between tonight and tomorrow night. I am not sure that they would reply immediately, though, they may wish to have more time to think it through. I should know more about border movements by tonight, though, I have a number of people Farseeing or scrying the area - less likely to upset Valdemar than sending scouts." 

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"Makes sense. I feel like I should be reading a book on diplomacy or something if I might wind up doing any."

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"I can certainly recommend some books; I think there is even a section in the library here."

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"If anything's in a language I read, lead the way."

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Rethwellan is a pretty widely spoken language and it turns out there are a couple of relevant texts. Leareth decides to read them in the other order from Belrun, since it's probably a helpful thing to review even though he's read both of them before - in this current body, even, so he remembers it the normal amount people remember books they read twenty years ago. 

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They can snuggle and read, which is nice.

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It is! Reading and snuggles can happen for a couple of candlemarks and then Leareth puts the book down and says he's going to sleep. 

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She curls up with him, and manages to sleep pretty well considering.

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There is not a message from Valdemar in the morning. Or by the evening. They do hear reports of additional Heralds being deployed to the northern border, and reinforcements at the relevant Guard-posts. 

There is not a letter the next day either, though they do receive an egg delivery. Leareth is still very level with all of his personnel about the situation. He has to Gate to a nearby compound to get some reports in person, but it's only fifty miles away, so it's not too uncomfortable for Belrun to stay behind. 

There's still no letter the day after that. 

On the fourth night staying in the guest-room, they end up back in the dream. 

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She walks briskly up to Leareth and has to Fetch herself up out of faceplanting in the snow once on the way.

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Leareth waits for her and offers his arm before heading toward Vanyel, who isn't moving. He stops fifteen or twenty feet back, near enough that talking is easier but not so close as to infringe on his space. 

"Vanyel," he says. "Are you all right? We received your letter and have been very concerned." 

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"I have no idea," Vanyel says flatly. "...I mean, no, actually I'm not very all right." 

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"What happened?"

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Vanyel stares at her without speaking for a while, then abruptly sits down in the snow. 

"I told Yfandes things," he says. "It was a horrible disaster." 

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"Told her what things?"

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"Everything from the first conversation before? She wasn't upset about the Cataclysm. But she was - weirdly prickly about the Tayledras. And it turned into a stupid fight and then it got even worse and - I don't understand, she wasn't acting like herself at all. Then she stormed off and wasn't really speaking to me. It's the worst time for it because everyone else is still mad at me too, I was going to go to k'Treva but - now I don't want to have the, um, slavery conversation with them. And then - I was having a bad time and Savil noticed and I just - couldn't talk to her, right then, and she decided to send Melody to my room and I–" he turns away, takes a few deep breaths, "–and I was scared I couldn't hide it from her. So I panicked and I wrote a letter and Gated to the place I was supposed to leave it. Which was awful because I react badly to Gates. And then I Gated back and immediately passed out for days and when I woke up, Rolan had sat Yfandes down and interrogated her and she told him everything in the worst order and..." 

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"I'm sorry."

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"No, I'm sorry - I screwed something up really badly but I don't know what..." Vanyel puts his head down on his knees. 

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"How are... things now?"

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"Well, everyone thinks I betrayed the Kingdom! Again!" 

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"Do you want a hug?"

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Vanyel doesn't answer right away. 

"...Yes," he says finally, in a very small voice. 

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She goes over and sits in the snow next to him and hugs him.

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Vanyel leans his head on her shoulder, shivering. 

"I have no idea what Randi's going to do," he says finally. "He came and asked me a lot of questions, when I woke up, but - no one's talking to me, this was the worst time for it, everyone trusts me even less now." 

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"We're not really sure what's up either, I was hoping you'd be able to tell us more but I guess just being on location doesn't keep you out of the dark. Leareth wrote them a letter..."

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"When? I didn't hear anything about that." 

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"It was... four? Five? Days ago."

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"It ought definitely to have arrived by four days ago," Leareth confirms. "And the return message would be much faster, since I am willing to put more extensive resources into that. We have not received a reply. It is possible one was sent within the last day, but...if they declined to answer within a day of receiving it, I suspect it is because they do not wish to open communications with me, rather than simply needing more time to think." 

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Vanyel lifts his head, nods. "My sense from Randi talking to me is - well, they're not thinking diplomatic relations at this point. They don't trust you at all. I think they didn't even believe me about you, Belrun? Or, I mean, Randi asked me under Truth Spell so he must know I'm being honest, but I think he thinks Leareth was just lying to try to get me to trust him more." 

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"...what, is the idea that I'm an illusion? My name's Belrun Sujana. I left the University of Petras five days ago so we wouldn't have to Gate so much all the time to manage affairs. I can include a letter in my own handwriting with Leareth's next, to send with somebody to the Dean of Research, if you want to follow up on that, read my papers."

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"I don't know what he thinks! Because no one's talking to me. I think– I get the sense no one is thinking, actually, that it's just - panicking and assuming I've given Leareth all Valdemar's secrets and he's going to attack next week. Maybe they'll start calming down soon." He does not sound hopeful about this, though. 

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"I hope so. I'll do the letter, if it'll maybe help, that's cheap enough."

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"You might as well. And maybe you can tell me a bunch of verifiable facts now, I don't know, things that the dean there would know but very few other people would? I - don't really want to talk to Randi about the dream happening again, I'm sure they'd have just blocked it if that was possible without permanently destroying my Foresight Gift, but I really should tell him the update." 

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"I don't have a lot of unpublished private information between myself and the Dean, we had a purely professional relationship. Uh, the dean can direct you to my mother? I guess? He knows that I got lifebonded, I told him I might have to leave suddenly, he tried to convince Leareth to move there instead. If you also send someone to my mother she... can tell you I talk in my sleep? But I don't know who else might know that such as former roommates because I myself did not know till Leareth told me... like, what are you looking for, here?"

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"Honestly I have no idea! I guess mostly wanting to show Randi more reasons to think you're a real person from a place with a background and not Leareth somehow getting one of his colleagues into the dream to pretend to be lifebonded. I can't think why he'd do that even, it'd be a weird and excessively elaborate sort of ruse." 

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"I will write a letter to the Dean at U Petras entitling the bearer of the message to lots of my background. I don't think I can offer to come in person if it's this - flaily, given all the givens, that would require serious and very thoughtful setup."

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"Gods, no, you shouldn't come in person right now!" Vanyel looks alarmed. "I mean, probably it'd be fine, Heralds aren't bad people, but - I have no idea what's happening except that it's very tense." He frowns. "You'd consider coming otherwise, though? That's - really brave." 

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"I have actually due to a dumb joke I made to Leareth a few weeks back given thought to the conditions under which I'd be willing to go as a hostage but 'also I must be reminded that Heralds aren't bad people' is not one of them. Actually, considering that a top hypothesis for why we're lifebonded is that it might be a more persistent method of crippling Leareth if somebody killed me instead of him, surrounding myself with people who answer to Companions who answer to a worryingly anonymous god or several is a strike against. - I was trying to be relatively sensitive about that guess but it doesn't seem like the time to omit information solely based on vague guesses about where you may be touchy, sorry. Uh, anyway, I'd want signs of consensus-driven decisionmaking that includes some non-Heralds, among other things. Also the Groveborn in particular not having disproportionate say over whether I live or die because that would give me so many nightmares you have no idea."

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Vanyel nods along as though memorizing everything she's saying. 

"I understand," he says quietly. "I - think that's the problem? With me and Yfandes, I mean. I shouldn't've kept pushing on the Tayledras thing, probably, I knew she was - weird about that sort of thing, she has been for years, just, I was really upset about it and it's not like I could talk to anyone else..." 

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"Yeah. It sucks from many angles all at the same time. I'm sorry."

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Vanyel is silent for a while.

"All right," he says. "I'll convey what we talked about here, and say to expect the message, and - I don't have a lot of bargaining power with the Heralds right now but I can try to convey the part about consensus decision making including non-Heralds. And, I mean, I think everyone's got to know that going to war with Leareth is a terrible idea, right? And that means it's a good idea to de-escalate if you're giving us that option." 

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"I consider myself generally anti-war even when I'm not psychically glued to one of the participants!"

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"Reasonable! War is bad." Vanyel drags a hand over his face. "I'm probably telling you a stupid number of things and if Randi knew he would definitely scream at me, just..." From his voice it's clear that he's very, very close to crying. 

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Squeeze.

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"...Thank you," Vanyel says softly. 

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"I apologize for...all of this," Leareth says quietly. "I do not think I could easily have foreseen it or that sharing the information we did was wrong in expectation, but - I recognize that you are in a very bad situation and I am responsible." 

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"Mmm," Vanyel murmurs. "I think you're responsible for a lot of bad things but...not this one, actually." 

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Leareth nods and then is silent for a while. 

The sky starts to come apart. 

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"Bye."

This time she wants to take notes when she wakes up.

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Leareth, looking fairly wide awake, takes his own notes to compare with hers after. 

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She's fairly brief and collapses back to the pillow in a few minutes.

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They can talk in the morning. Leareth spends a bit longer writing things down but then wriggles in beside her. 

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In the morning Belrun starts her letter to the Dean.

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Leareth goes out and talks to some people and then comes back. He doesn't interrupt her, just gets out his notes from during the night, glares at them a bit, and then starts a new page. 

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"Morning," she says when she's between paragraphs.

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"Morning." Leareth sets down his notebook, shifts over, and hugs her. "This situation is very not ideal," he murmurs. 

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"Yeah, I don't like it. Would that I could solve it by demonstrably being a real person but that's definitely wishful thinking."

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"It would be convenient if I could solve it with a large army or powerful magic, but while I suppose I could technically try to solve this by invading Valdemar, actually that is a very bad solution. We will have to do our best with diplomacy." He frowns. "It struck me that Vanyel was being very frank with us, which is unusual for him. I suppose that could be an act but - no, that would be very surprising." 

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"I mean, he's probably really stressed out... and also being kept out of the loop might confuse him about what things are still secrets? Nothing struck me as terribly surprising or sensitive." She sits back a bit. "Why Valdemar, again? I've got it written down someplace but as long as you're handy -"

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"The proximity to the northern region, which was an ideal staging ground in several ways but mainly the fact that it is unclaimed by any gods. The local god's much lower-interference style and less overt unfriendliness to my work. The infrastructure of the Web, which is largely a massive spell rather than a god-miracle. Vanyel did since go on and change some of the considerations by, for example, building a Heartstone in Haven, which gives the Star-Eyed Goddess more foothold in Valdemar than I would prefer - actually, this is a reason against your going to Haven in particular, though much less a consideration for visiting a more distant region." 

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"What does that let her do?"

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"You know, I am actually very unsure what it allows Her to do in isolation, when not combined with locals who are also bound in a pact with her. Presumably Her power in Valdemar is substantially less simply because that aspect is missing – I doubt She can give strong premonitions, for example, since the Foresight mechanism belongs to the Companions and the Groveborn. Certainly She cannot possess people directly. I suspect it does give Her a lot of information on events within Valdemar and particularly within Haven, and perhaps even some ability to directly intervene magically through the Web, as well as a greater advantage to coincidence-wrangling in general." 

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"...but you still want the Web? Or expect you could co-opt the Heartstone if you physically controlled it?"

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"I expect the Heartstone would make it much harder to invade Valdemar violently, because of the power and additional flexibility it gives their defences, but - having access to a live Heartstone would actually be of great value, actually. Since it could serve as the container for the first several stages of the god-creation, and provide the power as well." 

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"Is the expected casualty rate of the invasion actually much lower than the equivalent in power?"

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"I have done the math on it, and - my median expectation is yes, but the casualty rate could easily exceed it if we were unlucky. This is not obviously the kind of ill luck that it is in the gods' interests to arrange, however, I would prefer not to count on it. There are more nebulous differences later in the process, because the containment might be more efficient and thus require less power, but this is fairly difficult to calculate in advance. It is, however, another reason why working with Vanyel instead of fighting him has become more appealing over time." 

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"Well, he might no longer constitute particularly privileged access to Valdemaran leadership, unfortunately."

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"...Unfortunately." Sigh. "I do hope it will end up resolving to a somewhat less terrible place. It seems deeply unfair to him, given that he was literally obeying the orders of the Groveborn and his own Companion's Foresight in not sharing our conversations." 

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"Yeah, he seems to have been pretty wedged. Do all Companions freak out like that if you point out to them that gods sometimes practice slavery?"

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"I have not exactly tried this before." 

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"I suppose you haven't had enough time to try everything."

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"In fact I have not, no." Sigh. "Ought I let you finish your letter?" 

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"I'm about done." She adds one more line, signs it, folds it up.

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"I had better work on the additional message to send to Valdemar - hopefully Vanyel will convey its contents before it arrives but I cannot rely entirely on that." 

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She nods and hands over the letter so they can be bundled together.

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Leareth spends a couple of candlemarks workshopping his message. Checks it through with a few other people, then sends it. Apologetically Gates to the other location again and comes back another few candlemarks later. "...I think that is most of the things that reasonably need my personal attention. I apologize for neglecting you." The latter said with a smile. 

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"I understand," she says.

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Leareth sits down. "I think we are back to waiting to hear something. How much do you have left of your diplomacy book?" He shows her the bookmark in his, about three-quarters of the way through. "I will trade you when we are both finished." 

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She's nearly through with hers, having had more downtime than he has recently. She snuggles up and reads.

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Leareth is going to have a hard time catching up, because people keep interrupting him, either in Mindspeech or literally coming to the guest room. When Belrun finishes hers, he sighs and trades. "I will finish it when you are done; I do not want you to be stuck waiting on me when I am likely to have much less reading time." 

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"Makes sense." She pecks him on the cheek and starts the second book.

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They can read and snuggle until lunch and then head to the cafeteria. 

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And they can catch up on other things too, and carefully maintain their sleep schedule so they won't miss Vanyel if he beats a letter.

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They don't get a letter the next day. Not the day after that either. However, the border activity in Valdemar seems to have calmed down, and certainly hasn't escalated further. 

The third night lands them back in the dream. 

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Tromp tromp tromp tromp. "Hi, Vanyel."

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"Belrun. Leareth." Vanyel nods to both of them. He seems substantially calmer, this time, if still rather tense. 

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"Update?" Leareth says, levelly. 

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"...We got the letter. King Randale did, I mean, but - they're sort of keeping me in the loop again and I'd told him to expect it. Um, he sent my aunt to Petras. Had her Gate there, I guess she'd been before when Elspeth did a state visit decades ago. Which is - pretty extreme, but apparently they're not as alarmed by random Gates as we are since they've got Adept mages all over." 

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"It's a large city with good schools and no habit of co-opting all the Gifted for the state."

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"They do have a number of mages employed by the state but I think that is somewhat different," Leareth acknowledges. "It is certainly convenient for me that I can do long-range Gates to and from Petras without causing suspicion or alarm." 

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Nod. "Anyway. I...think maybe things weren't as bad as I thought? Everyone was just really caught off guard, but I think they were already less, well, panicked about it by the last time we spoke, I just - had no idea what was happening. But when I asked to talk to Randi after the last dream, he admitted he was partly just not wanting to put anything more on me when I was already having a terrible time, and when I said that was doing the opposite of helping, he went off and met with the Senior Circle and they decided it was reasonable to at least keep me up to date even if I'm still locked out of all the meetings." 

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"Okay. Does your aunt believe I exist now?"

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"Yes. I think Randi was mostly convinced before that, even. There was some debate about whether you're actually lifebonded to Leareth, rather than just having been recruited, but your dean was so shocked about you leaving, and - well, it's not obvious why Leareth would try to recruit a Healer-scholar even if you are extremely talented. Also the bit where you ended up in the dream is weird and no one can really explain it except that apparently lifebonded people share dreams sometimes." 

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"Yeah, he didn't like that I left. I hope it helps calm things down. Is there anything it'd be helpful to hear that remains helpful if it doesn't occur to us spontaneously to say it?"

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"Hmm. Let me think. ...I'm not sure? I mean, sort of want to know - what you're hoping for as an outcome, here? I mean you, Belrun, not Leareth. You haven't been lifebonded very long and I can't imagine you were happy about the part where you got lifebonded to someone who's in the middle of planning an invasion and all that." 

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"It was not thrilling, no. It's difficult to discuss for information security reasons? But I would be - very disappointed if we couldn't improve on invading even though doing so would be complicated for reasons I can't explain."

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"Mmm." Long sigh. "...On the bright side, Yfandes is sort of speaking to me again? As long as I don't bring up literally anything even slightly to do with the, um, thing we had a fight about." 

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"I... hope that leaves enough things."

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"...I mean, it's not a lot, but at least she can reassure me everything's going to be fine - which isn't actually very reassuring because it's not like we know that - but it's better..." Vanyel wraps his cloak more tightly around himself, folding his arms. "Er, Randi is working on a proposal right now about having you come. He's including some people who aren't Heralds in the decision-making but I'm not sure exactly who, um, other than Melody who's one of the Mindhealers. Hmm, and I can guess Shavri is involved, probably, she's Randi's lifebonded but she's a Healer and she's not Chosen." 

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"That's... probably enough distance. I guess unless either of them are religious. Uh, are we talking me visiting in a diplomatic capacity or the hostage thing? I'm not in fact a diplomat. Though I did recently read two books on diplomacy just in case."

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"Hmm. I mean, it might be a little bit of both in either case, I think? But I don't think anyone was expecting you to be leading a diplomatic negotiation here. And Shavri and Melody are definitely not religious." His lips twitch. "Melody is pretty furious about gods, actually." 

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"From what I can tell I think that makes it less likely one can hijack her. ...obviously lifebonds are still fair game but subtler stuff and outright possession both seem reserved for people who in some sense belong to some god."

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“Huh. I guess I hadn’t thought about what would make someone possess-able or not but that makes sense. Queen Karis did get possessed by Vkandis but, er, she isn’t here right now - Savil said she might have to do a state visit sooner than scheduled, to get filled in. Er, would you feel safer if her not being there was a condition on you coming?”

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"I think if I show up I should be under guard. My preferred method would be to Gate into a location I know of less than a day from Haven, turn myself in to the Guard unit there, be escorted to Haven, and have more than one person who isn't likely to be suddenly possessed on me at all times. Make the coincidences that'd need to happen more improbable. Uh, also, we'd need to be clear on - I'm a Healer and a Fetcher, I also have Mindspeech which I didn't know about till Leareth checked me and Thoughtsensing which I can't currently use at all, I'm one of those people who turns those gifts into shields and doesn't do anything else with them untrained? Anyway, if you want to like... remind people to think for a while about what they imagine I could do if I were there as a plant, given that array of Gifts, and specifically considering that I studied diseases, and then make up their minds not to freak out and blame me the next time someone has dysentery or trips and breaks their leg or what have you, and remind people that while I could probably do some damage I couldn't do it and get out reliably afterwards and I am a poor choice for a suicide mission... like, this just doesn't work if the gods can give someone a cold and everyone is like 'it's the microbiologist trying to kill us all, get her'."

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Vanyel stares at her. "...You know, I am not sure anyone was thinking, er, creatively enough that they would have thought to blame you for someone getting dysentery, until you mentioned it just now. But, getting people to think about it as part of this being an informed decision is probably good?" 

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"It is way better for me to bring it up now while I'm well out of harm's way than for a god to give someone food poisoning and the Groveborn to get an urgent memo about how, hey, isn't she a microbiologist."

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"Do we think the gods can do that? Give the Groveborn a false clue–" Vanyel stops, rubs his forehead. "Probably. I hate this. Anyway, that sounds like a good plan. I think Savil had also mentioned that Melody could verify the lifebond - we can't verify that Leareth is on the other end of it, obviously, but if you are verifiably lifebonded then that combined with you being in the dream is fairly strong evidence." 

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"Uh, that's verifiable with a quick glance, right?"

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"Yes. Apparently it's very obvious." 

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"Okay. I can tolerate that. I'm pretty - freaked out by mind-affecting magic, in general, this has already come up when we were talking about Bards, remember, I'm not just making it up on the spot. So I'd be trusting Melody and whoever else to back off even if they thought they could get valuable strategic information out of me. - Leareth, you probably shouldn't tell me where we in fact are, I don't know if that was deliberate or if it's just easy to omit when we travel by Gate but continue not telling me."

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Nod. "That makes sense. If it helps, I know Melody and I trust her a lot and if she makes an agreement not to use her Gift to get information from you, she won't, even if the King tries to pressure her later." 

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"Truth spell also," Leareth says. "She does not know our current location - I did not explicitly think of this but I clearly withheld it on habit and this seems correct - but, I would like it to be up to her judgement what she tells you, and not your King's." 

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"Right. That makes a lot of sense. Um, I would normally think Randi would obviously keep his promises on this, but if you're worried about Heralds period because of the Companions thing, Melody could chaperone and make sure no one has a chance to do it. She has pretty strong feelings about people getting pressured into going under Truth Spell. Randi probably would want to reserve the right to use first-stage, but all that does is confirm you're not actively lying, it won't force you to reveal anything." 

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"I think that should be fine? If I can refuse to answer and it doesn't do anything but confirm or not when I do. Uh, my worry about Heralds is mostly that you've been - shaped, like how you can make trees grow in weird shapes if you make little adjustments to them or grow them near a stake or whatever? Not that you'll suddenly snap but that you might be wrong, like anyone, except if you are you're likely to all be wrong in the same way at the same time."

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"...Um. Right." Vanyel seems pretty unhappy about this. 

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"Sorry."

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Vanyel acknowledges her apology with a nod, is quiet for a bit. "...I think this seems like a reasonable plan? I'll try to remember all the conditions you wanted - Gating to a place with a Guard-post works, I think, if you know one, we'll just need to be aware that the Web is going to pick up an alarm for the Gate. Probably you should also send us another letter with your conditions written down, so it's not just relying on my memory, and then Randi does have a way to reply, I think, if he accepts?" 

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"Uh, sanity-check, Leareth, can you in fact get me to a place I've been and know but you haven't necessarily - and yeah I can send you a letter."

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“Yes, I ought to be able to, although we will want to practice it.”

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"All right then. Ugh, this is going to suck."

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"You don't have to do it! If you're not comfortable with it..." 

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"You do not have to," Leareth says quietly. "But - it may end up making a great deal of difference." 

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"Yeah, it'll suck less than a war."

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"Fair enough."

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"I'll write up a letter. You can tell folks on your end to expect it, probably by the next opportunity for a drop but it might take me longer than that."

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"All right. Belrun, thank you, this really–" The sky is starting to come apart. He takes a half-step forward. "...Can I have another hug?" 

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"'Course." Hug.

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And they wake up in bed. 

"Well," Leareth mumbles, "seems less dire..." He sits up. Notes notes notes–

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Belrun takes notes too, but after that she's clingier than usual.

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Leareth doesn't want her to go either. It's very brave and it's - probably the correct move, strategically - but he's not looking forward to it at all. He falls asleep again with his arms wrapped tightly around her. 

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She doesn't get up and about first thing in the morning.

"If they figure they can meet every condition I set -

I mean, I guess the dreams'd still happen, right."

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Hug. "I think so? I do not understand the exact mechanism but it started as soon as we were lifebonded and we are going to remain lifebonded." 

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"So even if it drags on I'd see you. Sometimes."

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"Yes. And we could set a limit on the total time, if we wished, although I am not sure if that is wise overall." 

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"Probably isn't. Looks all kinds of suspicious."

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"I know. I - very, very badly do not want you to be gone for an unknown length of time, but...if Valdemar agrees to it and they can meet all of our conditions then I think it is our best option. We ought to work on that letter." He isn't letting go of Belrun, though. 

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Five minutes won't make a difference.

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Eventually, somewhat more than five minutes later, Leareth lets go. "All right. We can work on that and send it, and then - wait more. I am fairly caught up on all of the regular backlog, here, so aside from emergencies, I think my top priority if you may be leaving soon is going to be snuggling you. ...Oh, also we need to make sure the Gate trick works. I think that we ought to be able to get into rapport, given that we are both Mindspeakers, but - it will require more mental contact than you generally prefer, in order to share the location enough that I can anchor my mage-gift on it. I am sorry." 

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"I think it might be okay if I'm just concentrating on what my dad's house looks like."

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"Your dad– oh, is that your plan for the Guard escort? I ought to have put that together sooner. Clever. Anyway, yes, it would help for me if you concentrated on it very hard and were not thinking about anything else, and also it would mean you were not thinking about other things." 

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"Is this going to tip them off with the Web, or can you determine whether it's possible to Gate a place without actually doing it?"

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"For the test I would want to do it to elsewhere, your room back in Rethwellan perhaps. The distance will make it more tiring, but for a test I could do a very small Gate." 

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"You've seen my room back in Rethwellan. I guess I could pick a part of campus you wouldn't know."

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"...Yes, that would be a better test. I think I could still tell if you were doing the location-holding rather than me, but I am not sure." 

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She nods. "After breakfast?"

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"That sounds good." And they can head off to the cafeteria to eat. 

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She eats a little slowly, sits very close to him.

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After a couple of minutes, Leareth puts his arm around her and eats with his other hand. He shoos off most of the people who approach him with non-urgent queries or general chatter. 

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After they're done eating Belrun can try to... Mindspeak at him really hard about a nice creek that runs through the campus at U Petras.

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It takes a lot of concentration and Leareth fussing with his own shields and several tries, but he eventually manages a tiny Gate that, if Belrun peeks through, will prove to be right beside said creek. 

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"Okay. So that part works."

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Then they can work on the letter next. 

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She accepts, indeed prefers, her accommodations to be under guard (plural, so it would take more than one thing going wrong for that to be an avenue of assassination), but doesn't want to be in prison quarters; a guest room of whatever sort they put foreign diplomats in will be fine but exact details are negotiable. She is not planning to arrive with substantial amounts of cash and will require a normal person's amount and kind of provisions plus a lot of ink and paper. The paper should not be read without her uncoerced permission.

They have verified her academic background and should decide before she goes that they are not going to freak out if there is a concerning outbreak of disease (or any other issue a person of her Gifts could creatively cause). If they think she's going to do that sort of thing, they should not invite her into the country at all. She is especially not going to be treating patients while it's not absolutely clear that she will not be held responsible for any who don't pull through; they should probably not expect to get any work out of her during her stay. Probably conversations with significant people who don't have their own Healing-Gift to verify her quiescence should all take place at range just for extra buffer.

She requires their promise that her mind be considered inviolate; she consents in advance to checking very quickly that she's lifebonded, and to as-needed use of the first level Truth spell, but they should not expect any other mind-affecting magic to be permitted. It should go without saying that they are also not allowed to torture her. While she is making this offer with the understanding that it does put her life in the hands of the leadership of Valdemar, they should be aware that obviously Leareth will know instantly if she dies and the default assumption will be that they decided to kill her; accordingly they should keep up with any emergent need to safeguard her person until and unless 'we killed your lifebonded' is something they want to instantly communicate to Leareth.

They should take all reasonably feasible opportunities to ensure that their decisionmaking processes are not subject to divine influence; the opinions of gods as a collective on Leareth seem to be decidedly negative and except insofar as the Valdemarans come to the same conclusion themselves they shouldn't open themselves up to corrupt reasoning processes. She acknowledges that this is difficult because of the preponderance of Heralds, the alliance situation with Karse, etcetera etcetera, and doesn't expect some kind of ideal of unswayed logic unrelated to the facts on the ground, but wants them to make a serious good-faith effort to notice and find themselves concerned by and prepared for eventualities like "all the Heralds think X but their trusted non-Herald advisors think Y" or "the Groveborn is freaking out and won't explain why but recommends drastic action" or "Karis gets possessed again and Vkandis Sunlord Himself attempts to pass a sentence on Belrun", in addition to subtler coincidences of potentially divine origin.

If they decide it is time to send her back to her lifebonded they should work out a location with Leareth that works for him and leave her there to be Gated home.

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All Leareth has to add is a few notes on precautions for the Gate - they should agree on an exact time, so the Herald-Mages watching the Web aren't nervous about missing a real alarm when ignoring the Gate one, and for the return Gate he'll want a perimeter cleared and to be able to verify this with scrying. He has some suggestions for precautions to take about her Gifts, just as an additional layer against people agreeing but then deciding to panic later - for example, her sleeping quarters can actually be shielded against Fetching and Healing, which would mean that anything happening while she's in there verifiably can't be her fault. She should probably just not meet the King face to face.

Also, he suggests they add an explicit condition that Belrun be allowed to send sealed letters of her own to Leareth along with any other Valdemaran correspondence, with a promise that the Heralds will not open and read them, and that Leareth can send replies for Belrun's eyes only. 

He's not sure about this. "It could be taken as a reason for suspicion," he admits. "That being said, I can imagine it being rather helpful to be able to talk about the - aspects of my work not cleared for the Valdemaran government to know. I can also teach you a more secure code, of course, but even that would not be completely proof against a determined person trying to read your mail. It would be much better to have their goodwill in this." 

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"Encode the letters and also circumlocute about the big stuff?"

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"That seems correct. Even with circumlocution it would be clear we are hiding something, but I think very difficult to guess what, especially since it is - not a concept that would be high in their priors." 

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"Yeah. Project names, numbered subcomponents, generally being vague and allusive."

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"Yes, I think that works. We can agree on said numbered components and such in advance." 

They can workshop the letter for a while longer, since it seems pretty important to get right, and then Leareth can go drop it off to be sent unless Belrun has anything more to add. 

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Maybe a paragraph about how since they may be expected to continue to share dreams they should exercise appropriate restraint in any department not covered by this list about what they want Leareth hearing she's putting up with.

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Seems like a good addition. 

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When the letter is sent off she tucks herself back into his arms.

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None of Leareth's other responsibilities for the rest of that day are as important as cuddling with Belrun. 

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Good. Gotta accumulate plenty in case Valdemar decides they want her.

"Should I be authorized to promise anything or am I mostly just supposed to be a - signal of, I guess not ceasefire, but not-yet-fire, and general increased bandwidth turnaround?"

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"That question deserves some thought. It might make sense to discuss some specific things you could be authorized to promise, if they were to ask - we should try to list what sorts of things they might ask for. A longer truce is one and I am comfortable promising that, up to several years, especially if in exchange for other concessions on their part. What else..." 

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"...rules of engagement if it comes up? They've got treaties and histories with all the other governments around, you're kind of out of nowhere, they won't know what to expect and that might spook them into doing something nobody would rather they do."

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"Rules of engagement for the hypothetical where we did end up at war, you mean?" 

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"Yeah. Unless you just want to rule that out altogether."

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"I do not think I can rule it out altogether without more information - I would consider making that commitment, but I think it ought to be a decision I make, given correspondence with Valdemar, rather than something you can promise on your own. Hmm. In terms of rules of engagement for war - I was not intending necessarily to use blood-magic anyway, but I am probably not willing to commit to definitely never using it in war. However, I could promise not to use Valdemaran civilians for it. That seems very reasonable." 

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"Well, that'll just make it real salient but I guess we don't have to mention it till it already is."

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"I think that generally the rules of engagement question ought not be discussed unless it has already come up as salient for them, so - yes." 

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"Okay."

They can set up an encoding system and cover more little details and contingencies and Belrun can get to work on memorizing things, since if they want her like hell is she going to bring her preexisting notes.

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Leareth can teach her some of the mnemonics techniques he uses to quickly cram the highlights of two thousand years into his brain in each new body. They snuggle a lot. 

Five days of waiting later, there’s a letter from Valdemar. Leareth lets Belrun know as soon as he hears, and Gates over to retrieve it so they can see its contents. 

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And what's it say -

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It's several pages long with lots of polite diplomatese, but the gist is that they agree to have Belrun come as a hostage, and to her plan of Gating into an unspecified town but at a specified time (they propose dawn two days from now), and to all of her conditions.

Leareth's face as he reads it is both relieved and unhappy. The unhappy is even more apparent via lifebond leakage. 

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"Well. Okay then." She's scared, but - well.

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Leareth is scared as well. It's a somewhat unfamiliar feeling for him and he doesn't like it. He hugs Belrun tightly. 

"...I need a latitude map to calculate the difference in sunrise time between here and there," he says quietly. "It would not do to startle them into offensive action because your arrival was off by half a candlemark from expected. I think they would have some leeway there, but nonetheless."

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"Yeah. I can find Fork Village on a map."

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“All right.” And Leareth can dig up a map of Valdemar detailed enough to include small towns, and a less detailed map of the entire region to match it against, and do some math to get the difference.

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She can actually point it out even if it's not marked because it's right at this fork in a significant road.

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That makes sense given the name. Also convenient. 

Leareth can help Belrun pack, and load her up with a few verifiably-purely-defensive magic artifacts as agreed upon, which will make it a lot harder for any suspicious coincidences to actually kill her. 

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"If you happen to have a Fetcher around," she says, "they can probably keep the strains in my eggs alive for later research if they just Fetch a sample from an infected egg into a fresh one every couple of weeks - and increment the number. A tiny droplet's enough, not enough to really increase egg pressure, even if they don't have Healing-Sight to aim at the microbes themselves."

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Nod. "I do have Fetchers. It might be good to have you train a couple of them on the procedure, since you do not actually need to leave just yet." 

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"Yeah, I can do that."

She teaches his Fetchers how to get droplets of disease directly into new eggs so they'll colonize the whole of it and the process can be duplicated when the egg isn't good any more.

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They want to know what to do if an egg breaks while they're working, which shouldn't happen, obviously, but just in case. 

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Try to get a droplet into a spare egg, Fetch the whole thing into boiling water, don't touch it, boil whatever it touched. Document the incident in the research notebook like so.

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Got it. They can do that. 

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Leareth helps Belrun pack anything else she's going to need, and the night before the planned departure he wraps his arms around her and doesn't intend to let go all night. They'll need to get up pretty early for the Gate. 

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They can stay up a bit anyway. She can sleep in the wagon once she's commandeered her father.

"I love you."

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"I love you too. I am going to miss you very much." This is going to be a new experience for Leareth, actually. He isn't especially looking forward to it. 

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Eventually they can actually sleep some.

In the morning she collects all her belongings that are coming along, and a portable breakfast because her father's kitchen situation is invariably awful, and kisses her lifebonded goodbye.

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Leareth hugs her tightly, but there isn't a lot of time to hesitate, if they're going to meet the dawn-exactly time they had agreed on. 

"I may relocate nearer to Valdemar's border," he says quietly. "Afterward, so you do not know where exactly. It might make the separation less painful if the distance is less." He doubts it's going to make the purely emotional distress any easier though. 

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She nods.

She steps through the Gate into the room that used to be her nursery, when she was a baby, that she stayed in last time she visited.

When the threshold stops glowing she goes out, wipes her eyes on her sleeve, and wakes her father.

 

That afternoon sees her sitting in a wagon being driven into Haven, a Guard in uniform steering up front and casting frequent glances at her where she's curled up on the sack of hay that serves as a seat.

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She's expected, and the wagon is stopped at the outer walls. A woman in Heralds' Whites arrives a couple of minutes later. "Herald-Mage Sandra. I have to check that your protective artifacts actually are defensive-only. One moment." 

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Belrun doesn't move. "Okay."

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Sandra can do it at a distance without approaching, and does so. It takes a couple of minutes. "Confirmed," she says tersely. "Go ahead." She swings herself up onto her Companions' back and accompanies them ten yards back or so. 

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Belrun obliges herself to sit up and look around a bit more as they go into Haven. She doesn't even flinch about the nightmare horse. "Thank you," she says after a bit of a delay.

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"...You're welcome." 

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Another Herald is waiting at the inner gates to the Palace itself; she's older, white-haired and her face weathered. "Herald-Mage Savil, pleased to meet you," she says politely. "This is Herald Tantras, acting King's Own." 

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Tantras nods to her without smiling at all. 

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"I'm Belrun Sujana. This is my father, Chalan Sujana."

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He nods to the Heralds.

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"Um, and if he could get reassigned to me we'd appreciate that but it wasn't one of my conditions, just a request."

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"That makes sense, and we'll definitely take it into consideration. We deeply appreciate your coming out here." 

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Herald Tantras doesn't look entirely happy with this, but says nothing. 

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"Follow me, the guest room we set up is this way." Herald-Mage Savil gets up on her Companion stallion as well, and Belrun is escorted by Heralds on several sides of her, keeping a polite distance. 

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Chalan drives on. Belrun musters a little curiosity about the Palace; she's never been inside before.

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The buildings they pass are all stone, mostly long low wings, and almost all very, very old-looking. They're in good repair but it doesn't look like the Palace gets a lot of new construction. There are well-kept ornamental gardens, lots of trees, a few statues most of which also look ancient. 

The wing they eventually stop at does look newer - at least, it looks less than a century old, rather than 'probably as old as Valdemar itself'. 

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"Help me down, Dad?" she says when they're at the right building.

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"Aren't you a Fetcher?"

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"I am a very nonthreatening Fetcher and you are right there."

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Chalan dismounts and goes around to help her down from the wagon.

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Another couple of people are waiting outside the wing; both of them are wearing green Healers' robes.

"I'm Melody," one of them says, stepping forward. She's tall and sturdily built, not quite plump, with red hair in a knot and green eyes. "I'm the Mindhealer in Haven and I'm told I'm supposed to Look at you for literally five seconds and confirm that you are, in fact, lifebonded, and then I will not use my Gifts including my Sight at all ever again, unless you ask for it for some reason. May I?" 

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Belrun doesn't let go of her dad's hand but she does nod.

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Melody's eyes go out of focus for about three seconds. "Yup. That's a lifebond." 

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"I'm Gemma," the woman next to her says, smiling warmly. "Assistant to the dean of Healers'." 

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"...okay?"

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"Oh, right - I'm here because Melody wanted to ask someone else with good judgement in general for decision-making help on, er, your situation. We've known each other for a very long time, and Shavri, the King's lifebonded, trained under me as a Healer." 

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"All right. It's nice to meet you, Gemma."

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"Likewise. I read your paper! It was fascinating. I realize this isn't the main reason you're here but Shavri is going to be very excited to talk to you. We had no idea how much Healing research was happening in Rethwellan, it's incredible." 

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"Anyway, I'm guessing you'd like a chance to get settled and rest a bit after the journey. Your room is this way." Melody points and starts walking. 

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Belrun lets go of her father and follows. "Which paper?" she wonders.

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“The one with the dysentery microbe dividing? How do you get in that close with Healing-Sight, Shavri is miles ahead of the rest of us there and she couldn’t get in close enough. Although she tried looking at skin microbes like in that other paper, since we don’t have any dysentery patients.”

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"Some translator must have been very busy. Or she reads Rethwellani, I guess. Uh, it's mostly just practice and - concentration? You should be able to get it if you just keep - looking for smaller and smaller life, or you might have an easier time trying to get to the same scale on a person or animal, just keep trying to get a good look at what it's all made of. Not bones, those are different."

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"Shavri reads Rethwellani - I think she learned it for foreign texts on Healing, actually, that's not a thing most people do but Shavri's - herself. And then she's gotten more practice since Randi became King, she ends up helping him with things and it comes up." 

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Melody leads Belrun inside and to a door, which she unlocks. "And this is your room! Here, I can quickly show you around..." It's reasonably spacious, and has indoor plumbing, and there's a writing desk with lots and lots of paper in a box and several bottles of spare ink. 

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"Cool. Thank you."

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Savil stands just outside the door. "The agreement was that you were to have at least two guards at all times, I think, and not Heralds. I assume you'd like Chalan to stay for now as one of them? We've also vetted some of the Guard locally, you and Chalan are welcome to speak to them and decide who you want." 

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"Right on all counts, thank you."

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"I'll send them over, then." 

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"Do you want one of us to stay in the meantime?" 

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"If you don't mind."

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Melody glances at Gemma. "I'll stay." 

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And a few minutes later, a woman in blue gets there. "I'm General Lissa Ashkevron. Vanyel's sister, so it'd be totally reasonable on your part not to want me as a guard if that seems like a conflict of interest, but I can introduce you to the other people we vetted." 

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"That's not the kind of conflict of interest that worries me. Mostly I'd be worried if you're particularly religious. Or take bribes or anything but that I don't realistically expect people to admit to."

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Lissa chuckles. "No, I'm not particularly religious." She introduces a dozen other people, all of somewhat lower ranks than she is, but they're polite and give off vibes of competence and none of them are particularly religious even though lots of Guard members in general follow Kernos. 

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Belrun, supplemented by occasional remarks from her father, asks them questions and ultimately doesn't think any of them are especially likely to be divine plants or anything like that and they can all rotate in on whatever schedule makes sense to them.

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Lissa's not going to take tonight, then, because she just got back from Karse and is very busy, but she may jump in the rotation at some point. 

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Melody smiles at Belrun. "It's just about suppertime. Guessing you'd rather get settled tonight and save meetings for tomorrow, but it's up to you." 

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"I don't know, is there a chance that having meetings today instead of tomorrow will shorten this entire business at all? It's very uncomfortable."

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"Right. Lifebond. That makes sense. I'm not sure if it will, make it go faster I mean, but everyone else is around and available, I can go let Savil know and have something arranged within half an candlemark." 

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"Thank you."

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Melody heads out. Supper arrives for Belrun a few minutes later, with extras for Chalan and the other guard who's settled in for now. 

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"Thank you."

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And Savil is back another few minutes after that. "We have a meeting time arranged - whenever you're done eating, if that's all right...?" 

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"Here or somewhere else?"

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"The plan was somewhere else. Here would get a bit crowded, it'll be a few more people." 

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"Okay." She puts away the last of the greens and gets up. "Lead the way. Slowly please, I trip if I exceed a walk and sometimes even if I don't."

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"Of course." Savil keeps it to a sedate pace. It's getting dark outside, but she ensures the path is very well-lit with a mage-light. The walk isn't far, only five minutes or so even going very slowly. Savil glances back to make sure Belrun's guards are following. 

"In here." The wing they arrive at looks even older than most of the buildings around them, it definitely dates to the Founding. The meeting-room they reach, though, is spacious and comfortably furnished and has rugs and tapestries and a fireplace. Savil ushers Belrun to an armchair chair at one end, a good ten feet from where everyone else is seated. 

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She sits in her designated chair. Her father pats her on the shoulder when he takes up his position next to her.

"Hello everyone."

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"Let's get some introductions in. Everyone, this is Belrun. Belrun, thank you again for being willing to come out here like this. I know that's a really big thing, and - I've known enough lifebonded people, it can't be very comfortable being separated." 

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"It's not. We've done it before but not for more than a couple of candlemarks."

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"Mmm. Anyway. Herald Tantras you've met." Savil glances over. "Shavri?" 

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A tired-looking woman in green Healers' robes leans forward in her chair. "I'm Healer Shavri. King Randale's lifebonded. Your research is very impressive." 

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"Thank you."

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She is introduced to several other Heralds. Joshel is the Seneschal's Herald; he looks appallingly young for the position and kind of nervous but greets her politely. Keiran is the Lord Marshal's Herald, and seems pretty calm about all of this. Kilchas is another Herald-Mage on the Senior Circle and seems more curious than anything else. Katha is also on the senior Circle and doesn't explain her role. 

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Tran is still watching her with a moderately hostile expression. 

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She has no idea what his problem is but maybe he just takes invasions really personally, that wouldn't be that unreasonable. "So, uh, do you have questions - it's okay to first-level-Truth-spell me but if it's really unpleasant I might want to hold it down to asserting I haven't lied to you after the rest of the conversation? Which I assume is good enough but I don't actually know how it works. - is Vanyel not here on purpose, I haven't seen him -"

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"It should be fairly obvious," Herald Tantras says dryly. "He hasn't exactly been proving his trustworthiness, lately." 

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Shavri gives him a look but doesn't say anything. 

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"...okay, I guess that's your prerogative. Is it all right for me to talk to him at some point or should I just wait for one of the dreams to catch up with him?"

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"Of course you can meet with him," Savil says. "We'll arrange a time." 

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Faintly mutinous look. 

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Sandra gives Kilchas an unhappy, worried look. 

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"So did you have questions -"

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Everyone stares at her in awkward silence for thirty seconds. 

"All right, people, come on," Savil says finally, rubbing her chin. She sounds frustrated. "We've got her here, now, we talked about this." Sigh. "Belrun, to start. What can you tell us about what outcome Leareth is hoping for, here, by sending you?" 

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"Uh, costly signal of good faith. Deescalation. Higher-throughput lower-latency communication you can verify with your truth spell."

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Savil nods, and then looks around, with a very 'help me out here, guys' look. Shavri is looking down at her lap, hands twisted together. 

"...Let's start with what we know," she says finally. "Leareth was planning to invade Valdemar. We've known that for a while, thanks to Van's Foresight dream. Leareth claims this is for the greater good and has been trying to convince Vanyel of that fact. For some reason, our previous Groveborn was convinced that it was good for these conversations to keep happening, and that Vanyel ought not tell anyone. Belrun, my understanding is that you got yanked into this very abruptly and you don't otherwise seem like the sort of person who would sign up to join a ruthless mastermind sort of person like Leareth. What's your impression on the doing-this-for-the-greater-good aspect?" 

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Silent glower. 

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Shavri looks at Tantras, who glances up and then seems to make an effort to smooth his expression back to neutral. 

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"First of all, I want to clarify that we can't overinterpret the dream. I take a lot of notes, I have a notebook on me in the dream, and it has contents, and they're not in my idiom at all; there may be other dream features that are misleading, picked out years in advance for reasons which later became obsolete. That having been said, it's true that Leareth has made preparations applicable to an invasion and with that in mind. The reasons aren't part of what I'm ready to disclose but there is a compelling greater-good logic underlying it of which I have been informed even though I wouldn't expect it to land well with most people, particularly people invested in the continuity of Valdemar as a sovereign entity."

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Savil gives her an uneasy look. "That - isn't exactly the most reassuring statement. Also I notice you didn't specify whether he's still planning an invasion." 

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"I mean, he's not going to do it right now. He hasn't categorically ruled it out for eternity but that's sort of not in his repertoire under most circumstances, categorically ruling things out for eternity."

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Everyone is awkwardly silent again. 

"Belrun, I'm sorry," Shavri says finally, eyes still fixed on her clasped hands. "We know you're not really here to negotiate as Leareth's spokesperson, the goal is just to - calm things down a bit. Get it to the point where maybe we can actually open talks with Leareth. The issue right now is - well, mostly that we're scared to engage with him at all? It seems like with Vanyel he was very, very convincing, and from Vanyel's notes a lot of it seems like clever manipulation, and...just, we're pretty nervous about talking to someone who's had two thousand years of practice being persuasive. Because probably he can out-argue us even if he's wrong." 

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"And we have to assume he's gotten to Vanyel," Tantras says darkly. 

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"I only have - edges and corners of how he is around people who aren't me, and he's different around me. I don't think he's actually - I think 'two thousand years of practice being persuasive' is misleading. He doesn't have substantially more space to hold memories than you do; he has had a lot of time to build up resources and think through plans, but in a conversation all two thousand years aren't there, just some of the conclusions he's taken that long to draw.

"I think he makes more sense if you compare him to other entities who are two thousand or more years old, control a lot of resources, have a lot of skills, and attempt to cause large-scale effects. He's attracted the notice and the enmity of at least several gods and in the course of learning to keep ahead of that has become in some ways like them."

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This gets all of the Heralds settling into uneasy silence, glancing at each other. 

"Vanyel - mentioned the fighting the gods part," she says finally. "Leareth was accusing the Tayledras of being slaves to the Star-Eyed?" 

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"...no, that was me. They can't quit. They don't get paid. They didn't even personally agree to this can't-quit-don't-get-paid project themselves, their ancestors did. I think it follows pretty straightforwardly from thinking of the Star-Eyed as an agent in her own right instead of like... the weather or something... that this is slavery, and I said so. I wouldn't characterize it as accusing them of anything, it's not their fault and hasn't been for generations, although they're unfortunately still among the groups I wouldn't want to be alone in a room with."

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This has Herald-Mage Savil leaning back in her chair, looking moderately uncomfortable. 

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"...That's a good point," Shavri says quietly. "I didn't think of it that way before. I've met them and they seem - happier than us, on average. But you're right, they are bound to this thing that their ancestors agreed to on their behalf."

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"I have no reason to believe they're typically unhappy about it," agrees Belrun. She opens her mouth to go on, then thinks better of it.

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More awkward silence. 

"We think the gods are responsible for lifebonds," Shavri says finally. "Presumably yours and Leareth's as well. I don't know if it's productive to talk about that, or if you even have any information we don't, but I'm very curious what They're trying to accomplish." 

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The Heralds all look very uncomfortable. 

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"Our first guess was that they were trying a more permanent method of incapacitating Leareth than direct murder but there haven't been any assassination attempts so far. It could still be the plan and just take a while, though - for some reason it took them two thousand years to try lifebonding him at all, so maybe it will take more than a few weeks for them to get around to murdering me. We don't know which god to assign responsibility and can't even guarantee it was intended to be adversarial, though it was certainly unwelcome. It's really hard to piece together the motives of often-anonymous beings who operate principally through the management of coincidences they can finesse with the heavy use of long-range Foresight. Leareth's been trying for longer than I have and he doesn't know either."

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There is a longer awkward silence. The Heralds still keep glancing at each other. 

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Shavri looks around, fidgets, and ends up staying silent as well. 

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"I notice that Shavri's been doing all the talking since gods became topical, possibly because everyone else over there is a Herald, would you guys rather talk about something else, or adjourn until you have an agenda, or truth spell me about whether I've been making things up, or... I'm not a real diplomat, I read a couple books on it in the last week but I didn't bring any of my notes on anything except the one on - uh, more god-related stuff."

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"I don't actually think you're lying," Savil says slowly, "but it would be good practice to ask that under Truth Spell anyway. I'll do it now, if that's all right. First-level only shouldn't feel like anything much, on your side. May I?" 

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"Yes."

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"There, done." It doesn't, in fact, feel like anything, but apparently it looks like something; the other Heralds stir, eyes turning toward her. "Hmm. Tell me whether everything you just said was honest and true to the best of your understanding." 

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"To the best of my understanding everything I said was honest and true. And not misleading either."

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"Is there any particular agenda of topics that you're hoping to cover during this visit?" the Herald introduced as Katha says eventually. 

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"Um, I don't have it quite that planned out, it depends a lot on what you want to do with me. It wouldn't be violating any of my conditions if you just left me in my room all the time and slept better because Leareth's not likely to attack while you've got me. I'd like to get more on the same page in general but there are various obstacles on both ends to doing that very efficiently."

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"Hmm. It's...pretty evident that there are obstacles, I think, but I'm curious what your sense of them is, and whether any of that can be mitigated." 

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"You've all got Companions making you very uncomfortable with certain lines of thought via some combination of having shaped you from early adolescence on and being disapproving in your heads and those lines of thought are fairly essential to my and Leareth's points of view, and also I can't exactly just tell you his master plan since that would make a conflict should one occur better targeted against it etcetera."

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This, rather predictably, gets uncomfortable looks from all of the Heralds. 

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Shavri is the one who eventually speaks. "Would it make more sense to have you meet with just the non-Heralds to try to explain, er, your and Leareth's general point of view?" 

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Herald Tantras nearly surges out of his chair. "Are you kidding? That is literally just letting her try to corrupt you too!" 

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"I mean, I'd be fine with that but as you can see the Heralds have some issues with not being involved everywhere, the country's rather built around it," Belrun says to Shavri, gesturing at Tran. "I appreciate very much that you're willing to participate but it doesn't seem politically feasible to cut them out when they have 'bad' and 'doesn't pass muster with the Companions' synonymous, see?"

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Tense, glaring silence. 

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"Honestly," the woman introduced earlier as Herald-Mage Sandra says, "it seems like some of the problem is that this is a very unwieldy size of meeting and we should have a smaller one." 

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"...That's probably a good idea." Savil looks very reluctant about it, though.

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There's another long silence, with the sorts of looks back and forth that often indicate Mindspeech asides. 

"Savil has the most context on Van's side of this," Shavri says finally. "So I would propose she meets with you tomorrow, Belrun," meaningful glance in Savil's direction, "perhaps with a non-Herald present - myself and maybe Melody as well? She's pretty good at, er, making conversations that would otherwise be very tense and unproductive go better." 

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"I'm really not sure that's a plus!" This time, Tran does stand. "And, honestly, I would not put it past Leareth to have some plan where he invades and gets Belrun out safely, so I'm not sure this visit should be as reassuring as you all seem to think." 

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"...conversations not being tense and unproductive isn't a plus? Who benefits from conversations being tense and unproductive? - he doesn't to my knowledge have a plan to extract me but I suppose that doesn't prove that much about whether one exists."

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Tran just glowers wordlessly at her. 

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Shavri looks at him, a Mindspeech-y sort of look, and eventually glances back at Belrun. "I...think...the concern here is that...if the conversation is tense and unproductive because you're relaying Leareth's points which are wrong but very eloquent and convincing, then the tension is doing useful work, there? I think a number of us are worried about - well, basically about it being unsafe to engage, here, because of the persuasiveness thing." She frowns. "I don't think that's a knockdown argument, in my opinion we have to engage in order to have any hope of not ending up at war, and ending up at war seems very bad, just..." 

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"We shouldn't negotiate with monsters," Tantras says flatly. "I don't feel like this is complicated." 

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"Tran," Savil says sharply, "this is really not helping." 

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"Look," Sandra snaps, "can we all just calm down for thirty seconds, please, this is giving me a headache." 

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Belrun puts her head in her hands and waits for what she hopes is at least thirty seconds, counting her heartbeats.

"I'm not supernaturally persuasive," she says. "I'm a twenty-two-year-old microbiologist from the University of Petras who picked up an injured stranger and Healed him and took long enough about it that by the time I had a chance to think we were irreversibly lifebonded, and I'm trying to deal with that. You made peace with Karse and Karse actually invaded Valdemar."

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"That's exactly what I've been saying," Shavri mutters wearily. 

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Savil frowns briefly at her before turning back to Belrun. "I apologize. It's been a stressful few weeks and a lot of us are very tired and snappy. I think the best idea at this point is to call it a night, get some sleep, and meet with a smaller group in the morning." 

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"Okay." She stands up, wobbles, reaches for her dad's arm to steady herself.

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They head out. 

...A while later, Shavri comes jogging to catch up. "Belrun? May we speak for a bit?" 

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"Yeah?"

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Shavri waits until they've reached Belrun's room. 

"You've probably noticed that there's a lot of, er, prickliness right now," she says. She seems self-conscious; her hand keeps going to the hilt of a sword mysteriously buckled over her Healers' robes. "I'm - sort of taking this upon myself right now, honestly, I haven't checked with Randi or anything. But I think it'll help if you have some of that context." 

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Belrun sits. "It was sure something. I appreciate your mitigating presence."

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Shavri leans against the wall.

"Part of the awkwardness is timing. Do you know any of the context around Vanyel's, um, use of blood-magic in Sunhame?" 

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"I've heard bits. Just from Vanyel, I don't know much about his reception elsewhere besides 'bad'."

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"It's kind of variable. Savil - knew for a while, she was there, so she's probably the calmest about that part, although the more recent aspect has her pretty badly shaken. I...pretty much just think what he did was justified? Obviously he should've fessed up right away, would've been way less awkward for Randi, but, I mean, the soldiers were already dead men walking. Anyway. Tran is - taking it extremely personally. He's the sort of person who thinks there should be clear bright lines, you know?" 

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"I can't say that I do know."

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"...Not really that sort of person, huh? You know, that makes sense, if you are the sort of person who'd end up lifebonded to Leareth. I guess I wouldn't know how compatible you'd actually have to be for a lifebond to work." 

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"It's unclear. Apparently enough that they didn't try it centuries ago. I have my differences with Leareth but I get where he's coming from? Also he's pretty receptive to criticism."

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"Huh, really? I would not have guessed that about him from the report I got." 

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"I don't think it's just that it's coming from me, he's also reasonable around his staff. The thing he and Vanyel were doing was - weird in response to a weird situation. I didn't see how it was before I came on the scene but what of it I'm aware of wasn't strongly representative."

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"To be fair, I suppose the report I got on Vanyel's side of things wasn't direct and may have lost some subtleties in translation. Especially since a lot of it was via Yfandes while he was unconscious after that idiotic Gate of his..." Her voice softens. "I guess he was pretty scared. And, one doesn't get the sense that he trusts Leareth very far, but he obviously expected the combination of you and Leareth to be more helpful than we would be, which probably indicates some way that we screwed up here." 

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"I don't know that I've done that much to earn his good regard, honestly? I, like... hugged him when he was miserable and didn't freak out about the blood magic and I think that's basically it. More helpful at what exactly?"

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"...For making him want to kill himself less rather than more?" Shavri winces. "Gods, I didn't mean to say that out loud - I'm sorry, I'm really not any good at this, just, it seems like no one else is going to do the obvious sensible things here..." Her hand goes back to the sword hilt and then jumps away from it when she notices. 

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"Ma'am," says Chalan, "may I ask why a Healer wears a sword?"

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Shavri freezes, blinking. "Um," she says eventually. "Ummmm. It's...kind of a long story...but she's a magic sword who bonds to people and she tried to bond to my seven-year-old so I convinced her to have me instead. Apparently Leareth knows about this so it's not like it should be a huge state secret, I guess." 

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"He's mentioned this sword. It does mind control. Are you... aware of that?"

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Shavri makes a face. "It'd be pretty hard to miss, she's very frustrating about it." 

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"...and that's okay with you."

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"It's a bit inconvenient, but I'm more stubborn than her, she can't make me do things actually against my will. Seems worth it, she gives me useful tips about milkmaids being abused or whatever and in exchange I have to fend her off when she wants me to murder people." 

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"...you are aware I have some reason to be concerned about people in my environment having murderous impulses -"

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"Gods! I'm really sorry, I can see how that'd sound alarming. She can't hurt women though." 

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"My dad is right here and not a woman and if some god thinks it would be funny to see if I can be provoked into involving myself in an altercation -"

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"...Fair enough. I can go shove her back in my chest, I've just been wearing her because it helps get through those awful meetings. I - really don't like fights and conflict, it's hard to deal with all this." 

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"I'm sorry."

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"I'll go put Need away, and then - should I come back? There's probably more useful context to cover. If you want." 

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"Yes please."

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Shavri is gone for about ten minutes before she comes back, rubbing her eyes and looking twice as exhausted as before. "Ugh, I'm sorry. Where were we?" 

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"Context? About Vanyel, seemed like."

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"Um, right. Quick summary is that he was already having a very bad time right before this happened, because of the blood-magic trial, and then Yfandes was being mysteriously weird about the most recent conversation and giving him the cold shoulder, and he was - well, kind of falling apart about it, I imagine. It was an awful time for that to happen. You probably saw he was upset, since there was a dream with Leareth at some point during that?" 

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"Yeah, there was."

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"Anyway, that's a piece. There's something of a divide between people whose main feeling is worried about Vanyel, versus feeling betrayed. Savil is more the first and Tran is - pretty much all the way to the second, so there's tension between them over that. And Randi's feeling caught in the middle." Sigh. "So am I, but that's kind of beside the point, I'm not King." 

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"Kind of an... emotional... way to handle policy and personnel. - sorry, you didn't actually ask me."

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"I know, right? We're all adults and we should be able to just handle it like we are but - it's a lot to take, very suddenly. And we're scared, right, we've just found out that the dark mage we've been expecting a war with is immortal and two thousand years old and has half-convinced our strongest mage to join his side– Hmm, I guess 'half-convinced' is putting it strongly, Vanyel hasn't actually said that, he just said that a lot of the individual arguments Leareth makes are pretty reasonable. And he doesn't know Leareth's final aims, here, which I'm getting the sense are more complicated than we realized." 

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"Yeah, it's complicated. It took me a while to get it out of him and I had certain advantages."

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Nod. "Being in a relationship with him must be - quite something." 

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"I don't know what you're imagining, I didn't have a chance to come up with expectations beforehand myself."

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"Mostly just that I'd be very intimidated, I guess. And feel like he couldn't possibly actually think I was neat or interesting, it'd just be the lifebond making it seem that way. Maybe you're different, or maybe he's not the way I'm picturing."

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"Little though either of us likes being permanently mind-controlled for an unknown divine purpose the versions of us who weren't are gone and are not coming back, so there's not much point in perseverating on what it would be like if we'd met in some other way. Though it helps a little that he thinks he would have found the research compelling alone."

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Surprised smile. “Your research is very impressive!”

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"Thanks, Gemma mentioned you read some of it."

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“I did! It seemed like relevant background on you, but, well, I’d have been tempted to anyway even if it was a stupid use of my time, I love doing Healing research and I hardly ever get to anymore.” A hint of wistfulness, even envy, dims her smile.

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"I'm presumably not going to be in meetings all the time. I left all my eggs back where I was staying with Leareth but there are microbes to stare at everywhere and if I see any doing anything interesting I might write it up and ask for it to be vetted and shipped to the University of Petras for me, if that won't get any hackles up."

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“I’ve been practicing getting my Sight to go that close and I think I’m making progress,” Shavri says, brightening again. “Honestly I’d have done it years ago if I’d had any idea it was possible.”

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"It may disconcert you how everywhere microbes are at first, it did me. They are absolutely everywhere short of 'in a pot of boiling water' or 'in reasonably strong alcohol'."

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"Wow. I guess most of them must not really cause problems?" 

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"It seems they mostly don't! I think some of them may be helpful, in some places - not just the ones used to make cheese and stuff, the ones in us. I don't know a way to kill all the microbes in a creature's gut, there's too many to just kill them all one at a time, but if I did, I'd try it on a rat, not a person, because I think it'd be bad for them even if the initial intervention had no side effects."

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"What an odd idea for an experiment! Huh, I wonder if you know this - do newborn babies have it too? You'd think, a baby comes from a single cell and that can't have microbes in it already, they wouldn't grow there from nowhere...?" 

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"I don't know, I haven't checked that yet! That's a good idea for something to look at though. They might just get some off their mother's skin the first time they eat."

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"Right, if they're everywhere it'd make sense for them to be on the breast too." Shavri looks thoughtful, then shakes herself a bit. Yawns. "This is all a digression. Er, is there anything else you want context on for right now?" 

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"Um... what does it mean that the guy who objects to my existence is 'acting King's Own'?"

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"...I can't believe I forgot to cover that at all. It's definitely related to some of the awkwardness. Tran was, er, the King's Own when Randi took the throne. Then the last Groveborn, Taver - he's the one who Yfandes went to originally, who told them to keep the conversations with Leareth quiet - died at the Battle of Sunhame. Tran got Chosen again by his Companion from before Taver, Delian. The new Groveborn didn't Choose either of us - right, forgot to say, Taver tried to Choose me for some reason back when the last Monarch's Own died. Anyway, Rolan Chose a thirteen-year-old girl, so she's not exactly ready for the job and Tran is acting King's Own until she's done her training as a Herald." 

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"I guess that goes a good way to explaining why he's so prickly."

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"I think that's a lot of it. He's - pretty resentful toward Taver, for not telling him, he thinks being Taver's Chosen should have entitled him to knowing it." 

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Belrun nods. "And Taver's not around to explain himself, and that has to be a psychological mess all its own. I'll try not to take it personally."

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"Thank you for understanding." 

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"Thank you for explaining."

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"I really hope it helps tomorrow go better." 

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"We can hope. Is there anything else?"

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"Probably but I'm really tired and it's not coming to me right now, sorry." 

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"Okay. I'll see you around. Thanks for everything."

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"I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well." Shavri heads out. 

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In the morning, General Lissa Ashkevron is the first person to knock on her door, after the servant bringing breakfast. "Belrun! Sleep all right?" 

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"No but I'll cope."

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Lissa bobs her head, apologetic and a little awkward. "You have a meeting time arranged with Savil and Shavri in two candlemarks," she says after a pause. "The King needs Shavri until then. However, if you wanted to meet Herald Vanyel, he's free right now." 

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"It''d be nice to see him. Should I go to him or vice versa?"

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"Probably better if you go to him. If that's all right, I mean." 

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"Yes, that's fine." She gets up to follow General Ashkevron.

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General Ashkevron must have heard the memo about walking slowly, because she keeps a very comfortable pace, all the way around some pretty gardens to another long building, it looks around as new as the guest wing. They go inside. 

She knocks on a door. "Van, may we?" 

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Slow dragging footsteps, and the door opens. "Belrun," Vanyel says tonelessly. "You can come in if you want. I'm sorry it's messy." 

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"It's all right." She comes in. "I suppose it's not going to be very additionally informative if I ask you how you are, nobody's really having a good day."

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"Not really, no. I think today could be a better day than yesterday but I'm not too hopeful yet." Vanyel looks incredibly tired. There are bags under his eyes. 

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"Well, I guess we'll see, I'm supposed to meet Shavri and Savil in a couple candlemarks. Shavri's nice, under other circumstances we'd have a lovely nerdy conversation."

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That gets a weak smile from Vanyel. "Shavri is pretty incredible." 

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"Apparently she reads Rethwellani and went through a bunch of my publications!"

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"Oh, right, I forgot she reads Rethwellani. I didn't know she read your publications but it does sound like exactly what she would do." Vanyel rubs his eyes, seems unsure what to say or do next. 

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It would be tactless to bitch about merely being hundreds of miles away from her lifebonded so she won't. "They still giving you a hard time or has the focus at least shifted to me now?"

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"...They've shifted to mostly ignoring me, I guess." From his face, this is not clearly an improvement. 

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"...well. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

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"Seems like a pretty tall ask for you to - I don't even know what needs doing, honestly. Reassure everyone that the world isn't about to end and they have time to think carefully about this. Maybe they're starting to get there now." 

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"I think I make the Heralds, or at least most of them, nervous. Shavri wound up doing most of the talking - I don't know if she's usually very talkative but everyone else was so conspicuously quiet. I think Herald Tantras hates me, possibly just for having a personality such that I could possibly get lifebonded to Leareth even though I didn't do that on purpose."

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"Weird. Shavri hates that sort of meeting normally. And, er, sorry about Tran. He's - got some good reasons to be sensitive around some of these topics, and - it's been a hard few years for him in general. He hates me as well right now, and that dates from before knowing about Leareth, even." 

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"'m sorry to hear that.

How's Yfandes -"

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Vanyel winces. "Mad at me for mysterious reasons probably related to gods, and refusing to say so outright, because that would involve admitting we were having a conversation on the topic of gods. It's just - most of my thoughts are about that, right now, this is so stupid that I can't even talk to my own Companion about it." 

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"...I wonder if I've just, uh, done the same thing to a bunch of other people. Probably not, they weren't really - listening right? Which makes me more pessimistic about trying to talk to them about anything but is probably convenient for their Companionships."

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"That seems right. Talking to Savil was like that, she was trying to listen but it just wasn't quite landing, it–" He swallows, blinks. "It's very lonely." 

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"I'm sorry."

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"I'm scared that there just isn't going to be a way of resolving this? If none of the Heralds can think about it except me - and I basically can't because I'm too much of a disaster when Yfandes is refusing to speak to me..." 

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"And the entire government is based very explicitly on only Heralds having access to all the high-responsibility positions specifically because of this handicap - yeah, it's messy. The, the King's Own in training is new, right? I hesitate to suggest this because the Groveborn's likely to be worse if anything but if his Chosen is not yet too - dependent -"

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"Huh!" Some animation comes into Vanyel's face for the first time. "I hadn't thought of that. She's fourteen, which is why we didn't involve her, but - I met her to assess her Gifts and I like her, she seems very levelheaded. I'm a bit worried that the idea coming from either of us will make people think it's a bad one, but maybe we can discreetly tell, hmm, Shavri? And she could pass it on to Randi if she thinks it's a good idea." 

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"Maybe I'll mention it. It's really hard to operate under the 'anything coming from me is suspect' constraint, though... I was hoping I'd get less of that because I'm verifiably not two thousand years old."

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"You would really hope! Is Shavri less like that, at least? I was getting the feeling that she might be, er, thinking a bit more clearly about this. Though I think everyone being upset is getting to her a lot, so maybe not." 

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"She seems, uh, tired. She kept fidgeting with the sword and my dad - oh, uh, this is my dad, Chalan -"

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"Herald," says Chalan, inclining his head.

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"He asked her about it and apparently it's this ancient mind-controlling sword Leareth's met a couple times and I was not super thrilled about that being nearby even though I'm apparently personally not subject to getting stabbed by it because I'm female. And she put it away and looked even tireder afterwards but for someone who is that tired she does seem to be thinking pretty clearly."

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"Oh, right, Need. We found her in k'Treva. She's magical, I wonder if Shavri was getting some extra energy that way? It definitely seems like she can give you energy in a fight. Shavri doesn't normally wear her around though, because of, er, the part where it's inconvenient to have a sword suddenly mind-control you when you're in an important meeting." 

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"'Inconvenient'. Sure."

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"You would use much stronger words than that!" Sigh. "I'm worried about Shavri. She's taking on so much and it's not really fair to her. Not that I'm in a position to do anything about it." 

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"She had time to read several of my papers? But yeah, I doubt she's sleeping enough and I don't know how to - not make that worse, let alone improve it."

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"I'm guessing the way she found time to read your papers was by doing it instead of sleeping. Which - I get it, she hardly ever has relevant Kingdom work that involves getting to read original Healing research, she must've been delighted about it." He rubs his eyes. "Part of the problem is that our King is dying of a mysterious illness and he needs her constantly." 

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"Oh, eesh, and they're lifebonded -"

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"It's...not a great situation." 

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"You're telling me. Ugh."

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"I'm really sorry you're getting dragged into the complete nightmare of the Senior Circle's internal politics, on top of everything else that's just happened!" Thoughtful look. "It must seem really surreal to you. I'm used to it at this point, we've been limping along in a bad situation for years, but you're coming at it from the outside." 

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"It's... not pretty, but I haven't exactly examined any other national governments up close? Maybe the Sword of Rethwellan is constantly going 'ugh I guess I'll settle for you, you seem like you probably won't literally have a psychotic break' every time it's handed off."

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“...Gods that’s an unsettling thought. I don’t think things were this much of a mess in Elspeth’s time, though? I should ask Savil sometime. But I really hope somewhere in the world there are people in charge who don’t feel like they’re playing pretend at being grownups. I guess maybe Leareth doesn’t feel that way- If you tell me Leareth is secretly a disaster behind closed doors...”

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"No, no, he isn't. Everything seems very well-run up there modulo my complaints with how exactly he gets it that way."

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Vanyel chuckles bitterly. "You know the situation is bad when I'm relieved that the mage I've spent half my life expecting to die fighting is actually competent. Anyway. Is there anything else that'd be useful for us to talk about?" 

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"Probably insensitive to ask if you have any coping tips that generalize but I slept so badly last night and if that doesn't go away I'm not going to be thinking any more clearly than anyone else in this mess."

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"Oh. Hmm. You could– Nevermind, you hate Mindhealers. You could ask Shavri for drugs? There's a herb I use a lot that's fairly mild and shouldn't leave you still groggy in the morning, but it still helps. And, I don't know, try not to dwell on it too much? Find some neutral distracting thing to think about instead." 

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"I'll keep that in mind, thank you."

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"Good luck. You're meeting with them again today?" 

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"Not all of them. Savil and Shavri."

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"Ooh. That seems like it has a chance of going better?" 

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"I hope so."

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"Mmm. Anyway, I'd better let you go." 

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General Ashkevron can escort Belrun back to her room to wait for the next meeting. 

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Belrun amuses herself by looking at various microbes in the room. She sketches a funny-shaped one.

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Shavri arrives with Savil. She looks tired but less so. "Ready? We can do it here if you prefer, won't be too crowded this time." 

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"Saves the walk." She fills in another edge of the microbe and then lets her Healing-Sight drop; she'll never be able to find the same one again. "Good morning."

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"Good morning." Savil adjusts her position in the chair, wincing and rubbing her lower back. "Hmm. I've been trying to figure out what a useful avenue is for making progress, and, well, the thing with Leareth is that we have to assume he's going to do exactly what best helps him achieve his goals. He doesn't have any scruples, even Vanyel admits that. And I know you can't tell us all of his goals, but if we can end up on the same page that invading Valdemar isn't the best path for him to achieve his goals, whatever they are, then - I think we'd feel a lot more open to at least attempting cooperation instead." 

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"Let's assume for the sake of argument that for some reason he needs to control a nation-sized chunk of territory by some means somewhere, no comment on whether that's the case as stated. Where do you want him to go instead?"

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"...Umm, I don't exactly feel good about sending him at our neighbours instead." 

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"Which you can imagine makes it even more difficult from a position of not in fact being partial to Valdemar. You may assume for the sake of argument that even if his requirements aren't that specific, they are of approximately that magnitude, like, say, has to either take over Valdemar or... I don't know, blow up the moon, that one I'm fine telling you I definitely made up."

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"This is getting hypothetical enough to be hard to think about, but - I guess we'd want to point out how metaphorically blowing up the moon would be easier and more convenient than taking over Valdemar? We've got to be a lot harder to take over than he expected originally, given that we're forewarned, and Van's made the new Web and the vrondi and all that." 

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"I do not have detailed invasion plans but I don't think one generally plans a war by assuming one's opponents will have no talented personnel, clever tricks, or unexpected resources. Anyway, if you blow up the moon this also has consequences even if they're not concentrated on Valdemar in particular and I regret that I cannot be more specific about what those would be since it's not 'the tides go horribly wrong'."

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"Fair enough. We're aware he knows what he's doing, and we probably can't beat him in outright war even if we could make it costlier for him to win. Still, I'd want to know more what he intends to get out of blowing up a metaphorical moon before I'd be willing to consider doing things to make that easier instead." 

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"Yeah, that's the secret part."

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"Great. So we can't actually talk about it." Savil gives her a piercing look. "Belrun, you don't have to answer this, but - what's your sense, as to whether invading Valdemar is currently Leareth's best approach to accomplishing his mysterious aims?" 

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"I don't think the case for it being Valdemar in particular is all that strong," she says after a moment. "There's probably nuances to it we skipped so there might be more to it than I'm aware of but insofar as I'm up to date, another option might be fine, if not the first choice. We are of course talking about a scale of decisionmaking on which the difference between 'fine' versus 'first choice' is likely to be measured in lives, lots of them, but if Leareth weren't willing to see some people wind up dead to do what he needs to do, he wouldn't have planned a war to begin with, you don't get clean wars.

I suppose in principle it wouldn't have to be an invasion if you'd prefer to be peaceably annexed but I think having your country run by Companions behind the scenes would come to be a dealbreaker."

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"This is because of, er, the part where Companions get very uncomfortable when you bring the conversation around to gods? Or something different?" 

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"It's not specifically that it makes them uncomfortable, it's more the underlying mechanism. The thing that makes Companions something more than people shaped like horses. We're not sure what god made them, not everybody's as flashy putting their name on everything as Vkandis is, but they are clearly exerting ongoing influence and it doesn't seem overwhelmingly friendly to Leareth and his plans. If any Companions want to negotiate with me on behalf of him and their backing divinities respectively I'm up for it but I think that's not standard operating procedure."

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"Huh. I suppose Rolan would be the obvious candidate to negotiate on behalf of the Companions and, er, god or gods. I could speak to him about it. Unfortunately his Chosen isn't briefed on this situation, due to being fourteen." 

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"I'll talk to his Chosen too if they want, fourteen or not, I was pretty bright when I was fourteen and I doubt I'm unique in this."

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Savil chuckles. "You know, Dara is pretty bright. If this were happening two years from now then I'm sure she'd be running half the show. I can sound Rolan out about it." 

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"Thank you."

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"You're welcome! Hmm. Another piece here is knowing what our timeline is. Has Leareth told you when he would be making a decision on what to do, here?" 

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"We didn't give, uh, my stay here, an end date."

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"I am guessing you'll be very sad if you have to stay here for the next six months, though." Frown. "Also I assume Leareth would be upset although honestly that's hard to picture. But probably it's not in our interest to stress him out any more than the bare minimum." 

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"He's not the sort of person who acts rashly in response to stress. But he doesn't like being far apart either."

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"Can't blame him. We're grateful that he's willing to put up with that for the sake of maybe not going to war." 

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"He's aware wars are bad. Also he's gotten fond of Vanyel."

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"I assume that would not get in his way if he decided murdering Vanyel was the best path to reach his goal." 

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"No. It's just, that isn't from a deficit of fondness."

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"Hmm. What's your sense of how motivated Leareth is to negotiate rather than fight, here?"

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"Can you rephrase the question?"

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"...All right. Different question, I guess. In your judgement, is he at all likely to decide to surprise attack without telling us he's giving up on negotiating?" 

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"I guess I can't rule it out if he has an extraction plan that doesn't require my foreknowledge, but I was not privy to any plans for extracting me and don't think he'd risk me."

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"Did he give you any specific goals to achieve - or signs to look out for that talks weren't likely to work, I guess, not that I necessarily expect you to tell me the latter." 

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"It was pretty open-ended on both counts."

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Savil nods. Thinks hard for a while. 

"...What's the sort of thing that you would need to hear from us, either in order to just resolve this or to feel reassured that it's on a good path to to that," she says slowly. 

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"Uh, either I need enough confidence in you to tell you what the plan is - I'd need to hear that from Leareth myself after explaining my reasoning to him - or I guess you could convince me and through me him that you'd like to help us blow up the moon. Or I guess I could learn that you'd be very difficult to conquer and hold compared to his projections."

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"Hmm. Is the conversation about, er, blowing up the moon, one we could even have without the first thing. It seems relevant what the benefits are of blowing up the moon, which can also be achieved by holding territory, and I'm not sure how sensitive that piece would be." 

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"I actually can tell you that part. It's a pretty big deal, if you want to sit down or anything?"

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Savil glances at Shavri. "Um, sure. Go on." 

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Shavri gets out some paper to take notes. 

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"You know the Cataclysm?"

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"We heard the debrief from Vanyel on what you told him in the dream," Savil says neutrally. 

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"Looking at another one of those in a few hundred years if nobody does anything and it's gotta be a big anything."

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"...Got any more detail on that? What's going to cause the upcoming one - what kind of Cataclysm? What kind of 'anything' would stop it?" 

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"The original one caused some - ripples, in a way I do not understand because it involves a lot of mage stuff and math and I'm not specialized for either, in the other planes, and they're going to come back around. Leareth's projection is that magic will stop working and normally stable spells will wear away, Gifted people will be accordingly in some trouble, the weather will go completely nuts, and there'll be Changecreatures like you get in the Pelagirs all over the place. He thinks it'd be months or years before it'd even start calming down. Leareth's got a plan but as you have noticed there's a step in there which is 'either conquer Valdemar or metaphorically blow up the moon' and that's where we're at right now."

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"I see." 

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"So I guess if you had your own Cataclysm-aversion plan and it seemed pretty good that would also get him to back off."

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"Hmm. That's a pretty tall ask, but - fair, I guess." Savil rubs the tip of her nose. "Anything else you think we ought to discuss right now before Shavri and I go?" 

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"I don't think so. Although if you have more stuff you want to cover and you're just putting it off to space things out I'd rather you didn't, I'm not sure yet how well I'll be able to adjust to sleeping alone so I might just get steadily groggier and stupider over time."

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"I'm sorry! We're not putting anything off, just - I guess we need time to sit down and think about what's relevant next, and we're still trying to figure out how to make good use of your being here. We'll try not to dawdle with that, I promise. Hopefully we can meet again later today." 

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"Okay. Thank you."

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Savil nods to her and hauls herself out of the chair with a sigh. "We'll send a message after lunch." 

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Shavri gives her a tired smile and follows Savil out. 

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Belrun starts coding Leareth a letter; it could be weeks till the next dream.

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Jisa has had a brilliant idea! 

Her parents won't tell her anything, which is so frustrating, and listening under the door doesn't work when meeting-rooms are shielded with sound-barriers. But! She's discovered that the guest wing is less shielded! There are shields against Thoughtsensing, of course, but they're not as powerful, and nobody shields against Mindhealers because there aren't enough of them to be worth bothering. 

She peers through the shields at the person's mind, it's a very interesting mind even if she can only see the structure of it - a very clever person - she would like them, she thinks. 

–ooh what's that part, there's a tree, a new-looking one - is that a lifebond like her Mama and Papa? Almost without thinking, Jisa reaches in and pokes it a bit to try to see where it goes. 

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It goes so far away! It looks really uncomfortable!

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Eeek! It doesn't look like it's supposed to do that! She's kind of mad at Papa now for apparently making this person come all this way when her lifebonded is somewhere really far! Maybe she can poke a teeny tiny bit more and see what direction her lifebonded is in...

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Belrun doesn't scream.

 

It takes really quite a lot of effort not to scream but if a Mindhealer is doing something to her this is not actually a problem she can solve by sending Chalan after them with a sword, there's no good way to prove it - damn it, she'd liked Melody - there could be another one? -

- what does she have.

She's not positive this was authorized, she might have inspired vigilante action - Savil left seeming to be thinking clearly and not completely in despair - what does she have.

She flicks her eyes around the room. Notebook - lunch - door - window -

- somebody's Companion out the window, nibbling the clover -

:Excusemehelp ?somebody?don'tknow who doing Mindhealingthing to me towhomitmayconcern!!!: she blurts, nearly biting through her lip.

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:...What?: The Companion's head twitches up and she crosses the path at a trot, heading for Belrun's window. :Who - oh, are you the foreign not-diplomat from Rethwellan– JISA!: 

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Jisa, who's been hiding crouched behind a rosebush below the window, makes a loud squeaking sound and jumps and then yelps even more when the rosebush's thorns catch in her hair and sweater. "Ack! What?" 

The feeling of Mindhealing stops. 

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:Thank you:

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And now a very sheepish-looking girl of about eight or nine is being hauled up by the Companion grabbing her sweater in its - her - teeth. 

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Belrun takes deep breaths, glaring, trembling.

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:Someone: the Companion sends, :has been very naughty and owes you an apology. I should drag her off to her mother. Er, did she do any - harm... Anything needs fixing?: 

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:I, I don't know, it's not obvious but - I - I don't know:

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:Should I call Melody and have her check: 

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:Is the kid sure either way?:

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:She says she definitely didn't change anything but she's also nine: 

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:Can... Melody talk to her and find out how likely it is she made a mistake -:

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:Oh, definitely, I'm hauling her to Melody anyway, she needs the ethics lecture again. Ten ethics lectures. I'm so sorry about this, she must've snuck up and I didn't see her at all: 

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:If she did anything it doesn't seem - urgent - so - I'd rather skip the extra inspection if it can be checked elsewise:

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:That makes perfect sense: A hesitation. :Er, you should feel free to Mindspeak me again if anything feels off later, though?: 

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:Thank you:

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And a very embarrassed Jisa is dragged off to her mother. 

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About a candlemark later, Shavri knocks on her door. "Belrun, um, do you have a minute to talk?" 

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"Yes." She sets down her pen.

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Shavri comes in, leans against the wall with her arms folded. "I, er, wanted to apologize on behalf of my daughter for earlier. I can haul her in by her ears to apologize in person if you'd prefer, but given the givens I thought you might prefer I keep her several buildings away." 

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"If she apologizes in person possibly Melody should be along."

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"Melody would be fine with that. I think she reckons it'll be good for Jisa actually learning her lesson about it to have to apologize to her face, and - see how upset you are about it." 

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"I'm, uh, unusually sensitive. Always have been."

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"Right. I still think it'd be good for her to see that poking random strangers through their windows out of curiosity is sometimes going to upset them a lot. She really hates upsetting people, actually! She just...doesn't always think through the consequences of her actions." 

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"She should probably also be aware that she violated the terms of my presence here and under different circumstances could have started a war."

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Frown. "The thing is that right now she is not cleared to know anything about why you're here or that there's a possible war in the making. Do you think we ought to tell her? It would make the seriousness and importance sink in but also she's nine and, as you saw, not above using Mindhealing Sight to spy on people if her parents won't tell her what's going on." 

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"It's obviously up to you in the end but she is evidently old enough to almost start wars and that seems like a logical age to know when one has almost started one. Is this the first time she's gone out of bounds with her Gift?"

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"N...o? Not exactly. There were a some incidents earlier on that were mostly a control thing - or I thought so anyway - her Gifts awakened extremely young and it's pretty unfair, actually, asking a seven-year-old to wield something as invasive and potentially dangerous as Mindhealing responsibly. A few times I caught her using Empathy and told her off. And, er, she just fessed up to Melody about some other dubious uses, apparently we never caught her at it though." A very tired smile. "So I guess I have to thank you for being very sensitive and perceptive and catching it now, hopefully without any harm done." 

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".......you're welcome."

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"...I'll go talk to Randi and sound him out on the matter of telling her. Hopefully won't distract him too much from all the other important urgent matters going on right now." 

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"I know you've got a lot on your plate. It's up to you, she's not mine. Just, uh. Tighten up the childcare handoffs, I guess."

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"Definitely. I'm really, really sorry this slipped through – Melody thinks it's mostly her fault, she got pulled into this mess enough that she ended up cancelling Jisa's lessons the entire past week, but that wasn't clearly communicated to her governess. We're addressing it now. I know that's closing the barn door after the horse is gone, but I really didn't expect my nine-year-old to attempt to conduct international espionage via dubious use of Mindhealing."  

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"It certainly blindsided me."

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Shavri nods, looks apologetic again, shifts her weight awkwardly for a moment and then leaves. 

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"- Van said you have sleeping herbs? I might want some eventually," remembers Belrun as she goes.

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"...Having trouble sleeping? I remember that, actually, from being separated from Randi. It does get easier after the first couple of nights, or at least it did for me. It helps to - I don't know how to describe it, but relax into it? Don't try to pull, that puts more strain on it. And I'll make sure to drop off some herbs for you tonight." 

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"Thank you."

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They leave her alone for a couple of candlemarks. 

Later that afternoon, Savil comes back. "Belrun? Ready to join us for another meeting? We'll have Dara in this one, Rolan thinks that's a good idea." 

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"Yes, now is fine." She sets down her pen.

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"We're using a meeting room again, if that's all right."

Savil waits for her to be out the door and then leads her, walking nice and slowly, back to the older core wing, and to the same very comfortable room. It's less crowded this time. Herald Tantras is there, and Keiran and Joshel, and a very young-looking girl with light brown hair cut short, bright blue eyes, and freckles everywhere. 

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The girl stands, bobs her head. "I'm Dara," she says with anxious politeness. "Pleased to meet you." She sits down again, a slate in her lap and chalk in her hand. 

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"It's nice to meet you too."

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"Let's get started," Savil says after a few beats of silence. "We've gone back and discussed everything from the earlier meeting. I think the avenues we see forward here are - one, can Rolan negotiate on behalf of the relevant god or gods. Two, can we help come up with a plan to avert or mitigate the second Cataclysm that will satisfy Leareth. Three, are there reasons Valdemar would actually be very hard to take over that Leareth isn't considering. Belrun, what do you think?" 

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Tran does not say anything but he glares

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Dara gives him a look that is both nervous and kind of baffled. 

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"Four, present a case not necessarily based in the difficulty of conquering Valdemar to prefer another alternative, except it's hard to evaluate those without knowing what the alternatives are intended to progress toward and Leareth and I'd need more confidence in how you'd take that information."

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Dara nods seriously and writes something on her slate. 

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"Belrun, is there one you would prefer to start with?" 

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"First thing sounds like it has the most - uninvestigated potential - but I notice we aren't meeting in a room with space for any Companions."

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Dara fidgets with her slate. "Rolan's listening in through me. He's - not saying much yet. If he does I'll relay it. Er, he's been kind of cagey about this entire thing though, but he approved of me coming to the meeting." 

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"I guess it would be hypocritical of me to criticize keeping secrets at this stage of the proceedings but that doesn't make me very optimistic about option one."

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Nobody else looks very optimistic either. 

"Option two," Savil says, sounding very tired all of a sudden. "It's kind of limited by the fact that none of us can expect to be around in a few centuries, but Van and I aren't exactly slouches with magic. And we've got the Tayledras to call on." 

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"- it doesn't have to be a plan you'd personally be present to implement. One Leareth can carry out that doesn't happen to involve invading Valdemar would work fine. Also I don't think it's necessarily a feature of Cataclysm-averting plans that they be timed exactly for the Cataclysm."

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"Right, that makes sense. Hmm. Vanyel is going to be the best person for having ideas about it but he's - not doing that well right now, I'm sure you noticed." 

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"He might appreciate being looped in anyway."

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"Right, that makes se–"

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"Can we please stop looking for places to loop Vanyel in?" Tantras snaps. "We know he's compromised. Right?" 

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Dara makes a very quiet startled squeaking sound but says nothing. 

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"...do you have a way to prevent the dreams, or are you just deciding that you exclusively want him to get information from Leareth going forward?"

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It doesn't seem like Tantras has a good answer to this, because he just glowers at the wall. 

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"I think we ought to loop Vanyel in on the Cataclysm part in particular," Savil says. "We shouldn't let him have final say over our decisions, but magical research on this aspect is different." 

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Belrun nods.

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"Seems like that's a conversation for later, then, probably just with the mages - I can pull in Sandra and Kilchas too, that still won't be unwieldy for a meeting. We could talk about difficulties in conquering Valdemar, I suppose, but," glance at Keiran, "anything specific would require handing over sensitive information that we don't actually want Leareth to have at this point." 

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"Yeah, that makes sense."

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"I would ask if you had ideas for generalities here," Keiran says, "but, as you've pointed out, you aren't a diplomat and you certainly aren't a military strategist, so that feels a bit unfair to you to expect." 

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"And I don't know what Leareth already knows, because I'm not really acquainted with the intelligence arm," she nods. "So if I got a list of interesting facts about the defensive posture of Valdemar he might just wind up going 'yeah I know'. I can mention this obstacle in my letter in case we don't get a dream soon."

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"Noted." 

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"What about the number four you mentioned?" Dara says quietly. "It's a bit hard to think about when it's very hypothetical like that, but - hmm, do you think there are any resources Valdemar has that could be thrown at it with our active cooperation but not just captured in an invasion?" 

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"Hm, that depends on a few things - if you'd destroy your own resources to keep him away from them then they can't be captured, and it's possible he'd have an inaccurate estimate of your willingness to do that. His being generally unpopular within Valdemar and with its neighbors apparently wouldn't sink the operation but it'd make everything higher friction in a way that makes all further use of the territory costlier, but at that point we're getting into the 'would you prefer to be peaceably annexed' hypothetical."

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"It doesn't seem completely obvious to me that being peacefully annexed should be off the table?" Dara says. "I mean, that'd be a really, really long negotiation, obviously, and it'd have to get to a point that you trusted us enough to tell us a lot more about Leareth's intentions, but - there's a really huge upside, right? So it seems worth putting in effort even if it's very unlikely to work out." 

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Tantras mostly looks too confused to interrupt, this time. 

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"I agree," says Belrun. "The huge upside of 'not a war' is, y'know, why I'm here, and that's sure one way to have not a war. Uh, I don't know how thorough your debrief is - the major obstacle to this working on Leareth's end would be the Companions and by extension their creator or creators exerting counterproductive influence on the country."

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"Huh. What's counterproductive about what the creator of the Companions wants?" 

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"So that's hard to say because we don't know who they are and the Companions are, as you have mentioned, not telling. Leareth's experience of gods as a group is that they're those people who keep trying to murder him and thwart all his plans even when they don't involve conquering things and instead involve improvements to, like, banking, so he's not starting from a position of much confidence in their having compatible goals with him. There is some reason to think gods vary; it is possible some of them, perhaps even including the local one or ones, are friendlier than that. But they aren't demonstrating this legibly. It's possible they actually can't. Leareth thinks they interact with the world primarily through the use of Foresight and I've hypothesized that this might be so bizarre compared to how you and I see the world that a god literally cannot hold a conversation except in the sense of 'generate a string of words that leads to a desired result' - a process that would only incidentally touch inputs like 'is this string of words true' or 'does this string of words dispense responsibilities fairly among the mortals it will be received by'. But in practice an agent that cannot hold a conversation is an awful lot like one that refuses to. The Companions are a promising way around that, if that's the problem, if they'll talk to me."

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"Wow, I never thought about how gods would work, but that kind of fits." She makes a face. "Also that makes me dizzy even thinking about. I've got a bit of Foresight, apparently, but I haven't had any visions yet or anything. I don't think. What would it even mean to have that be the primary way you interact with the world?" 

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"Well, for one thing it means that literally any event happening is evidence that at least one god wanted it that way, which let me tell you is pretty uncomfortable when they seem like they might want to kill you. Uh, they do a lot of - coincidences. Not all of them, Vkandis in particular does really big overt stuff, but mostly it's - luck, happenstance. Like lining up me and Leareth so we'd have enough exposure to each other to get lifebonded instead of whichever one of us noticed first fleeing the city."

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"...You both would've run away if you'd caught it in time?" Dara's forehead scrunches. "Honestly that's very rude of the gods, making a lifebond where both people don't even want to be lifebonded in the first place. I guess they're not the sort of beings that care about politeness, but still." 

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"I'm very sensitive to mind control. The version of me that isn't glued to Leareth is gone and she isn't coming back, so I'm doing my best with what I have, but yes, I absolutely would have gotten out of there as fast as possible if I'd had a moment to catch on before it was too late, and he would have too."

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"Mmm." Dara looks thoughtful. Sort of worried. "...I mean, probably the Valdemar god doesn't want a war either? Wars are pretty bad and it'd kill a lot of Heralds and Companions, right, that seems like not something they'd like." 

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"There is no really compelling evidence that any god wants all and only good things for people."

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"What do you and Leareth think they do want, then? I thought they were supposed to be good and protect their people and all, but I guess I never thought about it myself." 

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"It seems like they want things to be predictable. Which makes sense if their sensory interaction with the world is almost entirely Foresight, right, if things can go any which way because they don't have control over enough factors then they're basically blind, and that must suck for them, and I'd love to come to some sort of compromise but the ways they have of rendering people predictable are mostly nonconsensual and often outright adverse. Leareth's pretty sure that even if he'd never met me, if I'd gotten anywhere on eradicating any diseases, some god would have stepped on me. They don't like big changes to how things fundamentally work, even ones that are purely beneficial in terms of people's quality of life, even ones that don't seem on a casual inspection to interfere with their operations. He's been trying for two thousand years."

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"Hmm." Dara looks faintly offended by this. 

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Savil is looking VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. 

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"I mean," Tantras says, "if the things Leareth tries usually involve invading countries then I kind of can't blame the gods for stopping him." 

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"It's not frequently about invading countries. I mentioned that they also intercept banking reforms. And magic printing presses. And democracy, which is kind of the opposite of conquest although I guess it could have taken the form of a coup, Leareth didn't specify."

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"The gods don't like magic printing presses? Huh!" For a moment Savil seems too baffled and curious to even be uncomfortable. "Weird." 

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"Yeah, isn't it? I think the disease eradication one is a more damning example but that's speculative, they didn't actually stop me except insofar as I am currently not conducting any more systematic research because I'm doing this instead."

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"You know," Dara says thoughtfully, "if I were the gods I'd be concerned that throwing someone at Leareth who's compatible enough to lifebond with him at all is not going to help, because they'll be the sort of person who wants to eradicate several diseases." 

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"I mean, I've mentioned before but not with you in the room that our first guess was that they were just going to promptly have me killed to see if that would incapacitate him longer-term than trying to kill him directly does."

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"That's horrible!" 

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"Yes, I know. They do lots of horrible things. Leareth thinks one of them was nudging things to get Vanyel's lifebonded killed too."

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Savil's dark look does not contain surprise, especially. 

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"Even if we posit that's true - and I'm not going to hand that point to you, yet, given how convenient a claim it is for Leareth - but even if it is true, that doesn't actually mean Leareth's goals are better than theirs." 

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"Than whose? If you have a case for any specific god, or even 'whichever one or coalition of them is behind the Companions', I'll hear it out. They have a common interest in not all going blind but they do vary."

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"...I mean, Valdemar's pretty good, I think? We've had consistent leadership for eight hundred years, and we're pretty well organized, and our Laws are reasonable, I think, and enforced decently well. It's not perfect but I do think whichever god created the Companions didn't completely screw up." 

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"I'm not making the case that every single god is definitely bent on maximizing human misery. Valdemar is stable and predictable. It happens that for most people living in it most of the time, stability and predictability are good, compared to, well, instability and unpredictability, unless you compare to a specific sort of instability and unpredictability. Valdemar doesn't look that great if you compare to an alternate possibility where books cost half a copper and nobody loses six babies to various diseases and the general population rather than magic horses decides who's in charge."

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Tantras makes a noncommittal sound. 

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"Where did you actually grow up?" Savil asks curiously. "Your father is Valdemaran but you were going to school in Rethwellan...?" 

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"I was born in Fork Village, where my father lives, but my parents divorced when I was a baby and then I lived in Haven until I was eight, at which time my mother finally responded to my begging her to move us literally anywhere other than Valdemar, because I had debilitating nightmares about getting Chosen, and we can all see how well this worked at keeping all forms of mind-control-induced personal relationships out of my life," says Belrun flatly.

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Dara fidgets some more. "I would hope Companions would be considerate enough not to Choose someone who had debilitating nightmares about their existence, but, I'm not as confident in that as I might prefer." 

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"Well, one time I did try walking up to one and asking them nicely to please tell all their friends to leave me alone, but I did not get a reply."

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“Companions don’t usually talk to anyone except their Heralds, I think, though occasionally they make exceptions. I bet Yfandes would’ve made an exception if she’d been the one you stumbled on.”

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"Then I guess it wasn't her. I assume one learns to tell them apart with more exposure."

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"Huh, I never really thought about how I tell them apart but I guess I just can." 

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"Anyway, that's my nationality situation."

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There are some looks back and forth. Tantras' expression is still more confused than angry. 

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"Anything else here it makes sense to follow up on in more depth, before we go off and talk amongst ourselves and schedule a time later?" 

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"Nothing leaps to mind."

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"All right." Then Savil will head out with the others. 

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Dara smiles over her shoulder and waves. 

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Belrun returns to her room.

 

She looks out the window and there's a Companion there again. Still? She doesn't know how to tell them apart.

 

 

:Are you one of the Companions who'll talk to other people or nah?:

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:Hey! It's still me, so, yes: The mare trots over to her window. :Everything all right?: 

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:Everything's fine. I just had a meeting where - well, I wound up thinking maybe I should talk to more Companions and not necessarily wait for somebody to present me with one, and you're there. And you helped me and stuff:

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:Aww: The Companion bobs her head in an oddly humanlike way. :Well, I'm here and I'm not busy. What sorts of things were you wanting to talk about?:

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:I guess I don't have a very specific agenda besides... 'get used to Companions and learn more about how you work'?

 

Leareth thinks most Companions are reincarnated Heralds. Are you one of those? He says most reincarnations don't keep memories and personalities but Companions do:

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Startled look. :...Actually most recently I'm a reincarnated Companion. I think I might've been a Herald at some point before that, maybe, but if so I don't really remember that: 

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:Huh! So - not as good memory fidelity as I was led to believe, I guess - whose were you? Whose are you now?:

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:I'm no one's right now. I haven't Chosen yet: She doesn't answer the first part. 

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:I am aware that Companions are notoriously closemouthed about things and I am prepared to learn to deal with that in order to figure out how to navigate things here better but I would find it helpful if you'd note what you don't want to answer explicitly instead of making it ambiguous if you forgot the question or something:

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The Companion hesitates for a while before answering. 

:...I heard the question: she sends finally, sort of wistful. :His name was Lancir. But that was a very long time ago: 

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:You can also just - not want to tell me things, it's okay if you don't want to tell me things in addition to having specific Companion reasons to be cagey. It's just I'd find it helpful to have it marked out so I can see where the edges are:

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:I'll keep it in mind: 

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:What do you do all day, when you don't have a Herald yet?:

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:Talk to the other Companions - they still need advice and sometimes just a listening ear. Play with foals. Run the obstacle course. Eat grass: 

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Giggle. :Is it tasty?:

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:It's not bad! Really new fresh grass is best, in spring. And clover. Clover's really excellent: 

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Belrun laughs. :So you don't remember being a human, which I guess means you can't compare and contrast...:

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:...Huh, I remember eating cake, so I guess I remember some things? But it's weird imagining eating it now, I don't think I'd like it at all: 

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:Huh!

- what's your name?:

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:Amshalan. Pleasure to meet you - it's nice, you know, someone talking to me. Mostly no one tries to talk to us: 

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:I was aware that I was - thinking about Companions in a kind of unfair way - but it seems weird that the same people who think the world of you as a species aren't thinking of you fairly either and kind of ignore you unless you're theirs specifically:

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:I mean, most Companions wouldn't talk back. It's some amount deliberate, being - mysterious, I guess, the way we are: 

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:I talked to a Companion once when I was seven and they didn't say anything. - oh, or I suppose my Mindspeech could have quietly awakened already and they couldn't get through my shields, that's also possible:

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:Seven would be young for it but not impossible. Jisa was six when she got her Empathy awakening, the others came a little later, and, let me tell you...: 

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:Eesh.

Thanks again for grabbing her - I was just expecting you to tell some Herald, probably at one remove, but your way was faster:

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:Well, I was right there. You're welcome: 

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:Why is it you guys do the mysteriousness thing?:

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:You know, I'm not entirely sure! I think some of it is just tradition, some of it's the Groveborn's instructions, and some is Foresight feelings. There are also some elements of just saving ourselves work. We have a lot of useful abilities, like Mindspeaking to un-Gifted people, but I for one would rather not get used to relay messages to people's mothers for them: 

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:Would that otherwise come up a lot?:

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:I have no idea! But I bet if we made a habit of just talking to everyone like we were ordinary humans, we'd end up wanting to be helpful, and then getting into a habit of it, and then being very busy: 

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:You don't like being busy?:

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:I don't think I'd mind, actually! Just - it's sort of important that we keep some slack for the places where it matters, right? There's always something that needs doing, and if you don't have checks and balances on it then helpful people get eaten: A motion weirdly like a horse equivalent of a shrug. :I don't know. I haven't actually thought about this in so much depth before, but - it's pretty interesting: 

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:It is. Why the - caginess method of setting limits in particular, though?:

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:I'm not sure. It does mean that with our Heralds in particular we can sometimes pull out useful abilities in a real emergency, without them - getting in the habit of counting on them all the time, I guess: 

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:I guess if they're really bad at budgeting and you can't trust them to take it seriously if you tell them otherwise, but this casts some serious doubt on the competence of the typical Herald:

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:Most Heralds are decently competent at most things, I think, but - tend to be a certain shape of person. People who want to try very hard to save everyone even when they cannot reasonably do so given their limited resources. I guess we often Choose people who care a lot, and then - have to guide that caring and trying in the most useful direction. Most Heralds are pretty good about it most of the time, though, I think: Her mindvoice gets weirdly hesitant. :I don't know that the mysteriousness is - totally necessary, for that: 

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:I'd thought that the, uh, choosiness, had to be at least somewhat exaggerated - you do rather snap up every single mage and most of the other major Gifted and I don't think that correlates with any specific personality trait -:

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:I'm not sure: Amshalan seems slightly uneasy again. 

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:Maybe gods can decide whether a given person's Gifts awaken or not, that'd probably filter enough:

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:Maybe. Though it'd be polite of them to give us more mages in that case: 

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:Can you ask, or do they not have a feedback mechanism like that?:

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:...Certainly not that I know of. It's possible the Groveborn has that but...I'd bet against it: 

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:Huh. Why's that?:

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:Why isn't there or why would I bet against it?: 

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:Either, really, but I'm more expectant of an answer about the latter:

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:I guess just a sense that things would end up looking different if it were set up that way? But I haven't actually asked Rolan: 

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:I am suddenly so curious about his, uh, management style:

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:I actually don't know Rolan that well! He's only been the Groveborn for a year. I think he's more hands-on than Taver, who was around before, but since I haven't Chosen yet I haven't had as much contact with him. He gives us advice without us asking specifically. Taver didn't do that, you had to go to him: 

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:What kind of advice?:

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:How to be supportive to our Chosen in various situations, mostly. Rolan likes to stay in the loop on how the Heralds are doing and what they're up to more than Taver did, I think. Oh, also the Groveborn generally keeps us updated on various political events in Valdemar, just so all the Companions have context on things as they come up: 

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:Huh.

Do you know how Yfandes is doing? I know Vanyel but I haven't met her:

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:I think she's having a pretty terrible time right now, honestly. She hasn't said anything more detailed to me and it seems kind of personal anyway, but she might be up for talking to you: 

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:I'd be interested if she is:

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:I can ask! Were there any other questions you had about Companions right now?: 

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:Do you guys all know who I am and what I'm doing here? I don't have a sense of how information security is applied to Companions:

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:Usually not much! This situation is really unusual, actually. I'm mostly briefed on it because, er, Rolan wanted my advice on something, but a lot of the herd isn't: 

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:Your advice on something to do with me?:

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:Mmm. Well, there was the Jisa part, right?: Obvious hesitation. :...Also some parts I can't talk about for the usual mysterious Companion reasons: she adds lightly. 

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:That's fair. I assume there's lots of backchannel about me and Leareth flying around all the time and probably there's information security stuff. Do you happen to know if Shavri's decided to haul Jisa here or not?:

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:I think she has, after supper: 

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:It seems really dangerous to have a Mindhealer kid who doesn't know how to keep it to herself running around but maybe she's really good at just looking most of the time and that doesn't bother most people like it does me?:

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:I think they didn't realize she was still doing this much looking? She's supposed to know better. Definitely sounds like she needs more supervision and will end up getting it whether or not she wants it: 

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:Good.

If you came over here and I opened the window and braided your mane a bit I'd be able to recognize you if I see you again, I haven't learned to tell Companions apart:

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:...Oh: Amshalan seems surprised. :Of course, if you want to do that. I like being prettied up, it's a trait most of us have: 

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:Do you? I didn't know that: She opens the window and finds a bit of string to tie off a braid.

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Amshalan is very cooperative with it and can hold still when needed and move to be more reachable when that's helpful and Belrun hardly even has to ask.

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Braid braid braid braid and tie. It's a distinct cascade braid all down her neck, not especially well-practiced but definitely identifying. "There you go."

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:Aww. I like it!: Amshalan tosses her head a bit so her mane almost sparkles in the sun. :I'll be around: 

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"It's been nice to meet you. I'm sorry for all the times I called your species mean names."

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:Have you decided we're not so bad after all?:

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:Under the circumstances that's kind of a complicated evaluation to make! You are still ambiguously working for one or more gods who I suspect I cannot straightforwardly endorse! But that's not your fault or anything, which I was aware of but not really thinking about when I was eight. Companions behave like Companions too consistently for you all to have totally uninfluenced steering power, so whatever it is that Companions always do I should avoid blaming individual Companions for:

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:Well, um, thank you for that, I guess: 

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:Sorry, I know that's not exactly the most thorough change of heart I could be exhibiting now:

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:I don't think anyone was expecting a thorough change of heart?: 

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Belrun giggles. :I want to finish my letter to Leareth, it's been an eventful day, but thank you for talking to me:

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:You're welcome!: And she ambles off. 

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Belrun finishes her letter to Leareth. It's slow work since it all has to be in code. She outlines the avenues that seem to theoretically exist for Not A War, and the Mindhealer incident which she hopes did not manage to alarm him by proxy from a thousand miles away, and how Herald Tantras seems pretty pigheaded but Savil's better and Vanyel's been cut out of the loop but she's pointed out that doesn't actually serve anyone's goals, and she misses him a lot and here is Shavri's advice and Vanyel's advice on getting adequate sleep under the circumstances, and she has struck up a conversation with a random Companion who helped her with the tiny Mindhealer; here are the results of that conversation; quality of the reincarnation may have been exaggerated.

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And half a candlemark after her supper arrives, there's a knock on the door. "Can we come in?" Shavri says. "Somebody owes you an apology. Er, Melody's here too." 

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"Come in," says Belrun, folding up her letter.

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Jisa is led in with Shavri's hand on her shoulder and Melody hovering and watching her owlishly. She fidgets and shuffles her feet and stares at the floor. "I'm very sorry." 

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"Thank you for apologizing."

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Fidget fidget. "Do you want me to say why I know it was bad or do you want to yell at me or do you want me to go away." 

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"I'm very curious what you know about why it was bad."

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"...I'm not supposed to use my Sight on people without having their permission. It's against the rules." Jisa's voice is a bit rote. "Also people would be upset if they knew, and it's bad to do things people wouldn't like if they knew, even if they don't know so aren't actually upset. And you did notice and were upset and I feel really bad!" 

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"This is not as clear an understanding as I'd hope for but perhaps I'm not calibrated well on how high an expectation I can have of a nine year old." :I take it you elected not to tell her about the near miss with the war: she adds to Shavri.

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:Randi signed off on it but I haven't actually had a chance to explain it yet, since I was busy right up until bringing her over. Melody wanted to talk about the Mindhealing ethics part in isolation first, anyway, since - it's not really the point that it almost started a war, right? Almost zero instances of using her Sight where she shouldn't will almost start wars and it's still wrong. But she's had a while to stew it in now, so I'm going to tell her later, or I could do it now if you're up for that taking longer: 

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:I'm up for it taking longer. I think unusual extreme risks are actually not something she can figure is rare and forget about, even if starting a war in particular is sufficiently uncommon:

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:That's fair: 

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Jisa is giving her a faintly offended look. "What do I not understand?" 

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"'It's against the rules' - okay, and where did the rules come from? Did someone write a bunch of pertinent words on slips of paper, and mix them up and pull them out till they seemed about a sentence long, and choose conjunctions by rolling dice?"

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"Nnn..ooo..." Jisa says very slowly. "Melody told me what the rules are. I think probably they're rules that someone at Healers' came up with, even though it's not exactly the same rules that normal Healers have, my Mama gets to use her Sight way more than I do and it's not fair." 

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"Oh? You're really curious about what other people's bodies look like, too? Do you also look up strangers' skirts?"

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"Well, no." 

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"When I agreed to come here, I made a list of conditions about how I should be treated. I included that I was not to be subjected to any mind affecting magic, at all, except Melody taking a five second peek to confirm that I'm lifebonded, and plenty of first-stage-only Truth Spell. I didn't include that I couldn't be stripped naked and inspected. I could have! As far as I know those conditions would also have been accepted, since I haven't yet been stripped naked and inspected! But I didn't. It didn't seem as important to me."

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Jisa nods uncertainly, clearly not following exactly where this is going. "Melody did say it was extra bad for me to do it on you even though I couldn't have known and that's not why it's against the rules or bad in general. ...Are you going to tell me why you had a list of conditions about coming here?" 

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"Well, I came here in a diplomatic capacity," says Belrun. "I thought, well, my people and Valdemar have this problem, but maybe we can talk about it, but I can only talk about it if they can promise I'm safe. But I thought they could promise that. I thought, oh, King Randale is a pretty well-respected monarch who keeps his promises and whose people obey him and help him keep his promises. He's competent to agree to keep me safe the way I need, as long as I'm really clear about it, I thought, and surely none of his people are about to decide, 'actually, I wish my King did not have the power to ensure the safety of visiting diplomats, I think instead I'll make him weaker'."

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Jisa blinks at her for a few moments. Frowns. Then bursts into tears. 

"B-but I d-didn't– I wasn't–" She's crying hard enough to be barely understandable. "I wouldn't've hurt you! I d-didn't mean to make Papa weaker..." 

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"Sometimes somebody needs something weird to be safe. Sometimes someone's allergic to wheat and if you want to have them as your guest you can't feed them wheat, and they'll probably tell you, so you know not to give them bread with dinner. Sometimes someone's allergic to mind magic. And I know that's rare. So I said so. And I expected everyone to be told - and you were told. You were aware that you weren't supposed to, just not that I might be special. But you shouldn't have had to be told 'this time, following that rule is especially important, for reasons which are none of your business'."

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Jisa nods, sniffling. "That...makes sense," she manages finally, sounding quite sincere about it. 

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"Good."

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"Well, that seemed to sink in rather effectively," Melody says. She pats Jisa's shoulder. "Any other apologies to add?" 

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Teary headshake. 

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"Anything else you think we should cover, Belrun?" 

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"I think she gets the picture."

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Shavri nods to her. "Thank you for your patience with this, Belrun." She and Melody lead a very shaken-looking Jisa away. 

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"I have a letter that should go out to Leareth, do you know who I should talk to about that?" Belrun asks Melody as they're leaving.

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"Normally Tantras," Shavri says, "but he's been so prickly about all this and I time-share his job anyway. I can take it and make sure it gets sent. Is it very urgent?" 

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"Not particularly but I'd rather not have to specify if one ever is."

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"That makes a lot of sense. All right if it goes out in the morning? We've decided Savil will do Gates to leave messages and Vanyel can hide in a Work Room while she's doing it." 

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"Yes, that's fine."

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Shavri nods and takes the letter and they head out. 

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Belrun plays cards with her father for the rest of the evening and then goes to bed.

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Blowing snow against a white sky, standing facing a mage in rather worse-for-wear Herald's Whites–

"Vanyel," Leareth calls out. Nods to him. Waits for Belrun before approaching. 

...Glances back eventually. 

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"Huh, where's Belrun?" 

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"I am not sure!" Leareth tramps back to the line of people.

...There is a figure standing there who looks sort of like Belrun, who's dressed like Belrun usually is in the dream and is presumably meant to be her. Definitely is not actually her. 

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Vanyel follows him. "Oh. Is she, er, not here anymore now that you're...?" 

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Leareth looks visibly upset for a moment! "I think she is not here. It seems I foolishly and unjustifiably assumed she would be, without actually checking." He's so irritated with himself. In hindsight it doesn't even seem surprising that Belrun getting pulled into his Foresight dream would rely on proximity. Well, the Foresight dream that Vanyel is pulling him into, Leareth himself isn't even Gifted. 

"...Is she all right?" he says a moment later. "That you know of?" He felt a prick of alarm at one point, a few other hints of emotion he might have imagined, but it hasn't felt like anything was deeply wrong. Aside from the steady constant wrongness of distance. He slept very badly the night before and this isn't a problem he's used to having at ALL. 

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"I'm pretty sure she is!" Vanyel says quickly. "I mostly don't know what they've been talking about so far but Belrun tried to point out that not including me isn't very helpful so we'll see. I, er, there was a kind of embarrassing but no-harm-done incident with Jisa, Shavri's daughter–" He was informed of it by Shavri, and it does feel only fair to convey. 

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At the end of the dream, which isn't one of their more productive conversations because Leareth is very distracted, he wakes up STARTLED and ALARMED and instinctively reaches for the lifebond, is Belrun definitely alive and all right–

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Alive, all right, asleep.

She rolls over, says "parsnips" more emphatically.

 

In the morning she doesn't even know she's missed anything.

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After breakfast, there's a knock on the door. "Belrun?" It's Vanyel's voice, sounding slightly frantic. 

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She opens the door. "- good morning, Vanyel?"

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He looks very worried. Shavri is hanging back behind him looking exhausted again. 

"I had the dream last night," he says. "With Leareth. You didn't, did you?" 

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"No," she says softly.

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"He was really upset about it. I mean, he looked slightly upset and agitated, by which I can infer he was extremely upset." 

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"Well, yes, we were - expecting to -

- damn it, this isn't even surprising in retrospect, we're so far apart -"

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"He said that too. Said maybe it was about touching, actually, being partially inside each other's shields. ...I'm sorry. This really isn't great, is it." 

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"I could try sleeping in your bed? - that's probably both unwelcome and logistically complicated -"

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Shavri giggles and then immediately claps a hand over her mouth. 

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Vanyel turns crimson. "I. Um. That would be extremely weird as I'm sure you're aware, but - I mean, if Leareth wouldn't mind, which it doesn't seem like the sort of thing that'd bother him, I would feel bad about not helping you with that?" 

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"We haven't extensively discussed whether we are allowed to sleep in third parties' beds within the terms of our relationship but I'm pretty sure it'd bother him dramatically less than not getting to see me, if it bothered him at all. But like, it's a pretty big ask of you and it would take weeks to even find out if it would work."

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"That's true, it wouldn't just be one night. Hmm, that makes it kind of a worse idea because I have nightmares a lot, especially right now, and if we're both sleeping badly I think we'd just make it even worse for each other." 

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She nods, biting her lip. "Well. Who knows. Maybe soon somebody'll - figure out how to blow up the moon."

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"Huh?" 

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"Stand-in for coming up with a replacement for the 'invade Valdemar' step of the secret plan that I made up for quick reference when I was talking to Savil."

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"Interesting. I guess that's a helpful thing to have, to talk about hypotheticals." He yawns. "Sorry. Oh, by the way, I've been un-uninvited from meetings! Although I think I might not be at the first one today because Tran will be there and we, er, don't do well in the same room right now." 

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"He doesn't like me either but I suppose he wouldn't care to be skipping all the meetings I'm in."

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Bitter chuckle. "No. Anyway, er, did you at least sleep a bit better last night?" 

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"Not great but better, yeah, thank you."

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"Mmm, that's good. Anyway, sorry for barging in on you like that - I almost told you in the middle of the night but Yfandes thought you probably wouldn't thank me for that." 

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"I would have said 'thank you' but objectively it wouldn't have done me any good. Thank you for telling me now."

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"You're welcome. Er, I did take notes on the conversation - it wasn't that useful a conversation, Leareth was so distracted - but I can make you a copy and bring it when I see you later today?" 

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"I'd appreciate that."

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"Will do. I'll see you later." He heads out. 

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Belrun hugs her dad. She looks at the various littlest bits of her own blood and draws their shapes; she's not sure when she'll be interrupted and unlike a random other organism she'd have to stop looking at and lose forever, she can always look at blood again and eventually find a similar part to finish observing whatever she was looking at.

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And a while later Herald-Trainee Dara shows up to collect her. "We're having a meeting with me, Savil, Katha, and Tantras, and afterward you'll meet with Vanyel and some other set of people." 

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"Okay. Thank you." Belrun follows her.

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Tantras is sitting in the meeting-room waiting for them. He doesn't look hostile the way he did before, though he also avoids looking directly at Belrun. 

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Savil looks like someone who didn't sleep especially well. "Come on in. We don't have that much of an agenda for today but I think Dara had some ideas? You should start with anything that's come up in the interim, though." 

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"Vanyel had a dream with Leareth and - I didn't - so there's that - I don't think it impinges directly but if I am in a conspicuously bad mood that's why."

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"Oh." Savil looks like she maybe wants to add more and can't decide what. Finally she just shakes her head. "I'm sorry, that's - I can see why it's upsetting. Anyway. Dara?" 

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"I think we maybe should try to have some hypothetical kind of conversation about gods," Dara says. "I think it's going to be really hard to talk about directly because of - you know, the thing. But if we can talk about blowing up the moon instead of whatever that's a metaphor for, and that makes it easier, maybe we could try to do that here as well. I don't really know how to start though." 

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"Hm. - okay, I think I've got -

Let's suppose there's a normal human person who openly wields profound power over not one but two countries, fairly big ones too; they also have ordinary government structures but anyone from either country will if asked about this normal human person be like 'oh, him, yeah, we obey his rules, we respect his authority, our government does too'. One of these countries is formally allied with Valdemar! In fact, a member of its government married into the family a while ago to secure the alliance, this in spite of the fact that the country doesn't allow Heralds including his wife within its borders, Valdemar has no intelligence presence there to follow up on whether they're complying with the terms of international friendship on their end, and also there is a spell over the whole country to prevent anyone from finding any of this weird or interesting, that affects everyone, including the royal family this government representative married into.

The other country under the sway of this normal human person with two countries up and invades Valdemar, with his sigil on their banners all the while. The first country does literally nothing about this the entire time. The normal human person doesn't say anything about the invasion either way, or about this use of his symbols, or about any of the casualties or atrocities that take place during the entire war, though at the end, when it's all mopped up with a new government in charge of that country of his, he does decide to conspicuously grant his blessing to the figurehead of the winning side after the dust is all settled.

What would you say is your opinion of this normal human person and his stance on Valdemar and his management of his countries?"

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Savil is giving her a very suspicious look. 

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Tantras just looks deeply confused. "That seems very unrealistic? I don't see how a person could do that. Even if they wanted to be that evil." 

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"For the sake of argument let's assume this was achieved by normal human politics and fancy magery, somehow, and evaluate from there." But she does write down 'even if they wanted to be that evil' in her notebook.

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Now Savil looks suspicious and also incredibly uncomfortable! 

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Dara gives Tantras a faintly exasperated look. "You're talking about Vkandis, aren't you. ...Wait, what's the other country? I really should know who we have alliances with... Or is it more hypothetical than that and actually it's something other than an alliance or not even about Valdemar specifically?"  

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"Iftel. It's got mind-control magic around the whole country so it doesn't seem interesting. But it's Vkandis's and I wrote 'Iftel is more interesting than it seems' on every page of my notebook divisible by five till I got in the habit of not ignoring it."

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"What? Really?" 

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"That sounds really fake, honestly - you're saying Vkandis can mind control everyone in Valdemar which isn't even His country?" 

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Dara just looks kind of relieved. "Oh, is that why I forgot we have an alliance with Iftel? You're right, we do, I just - forgot..." 

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"Vkandis can apparently mind control everyone about Iftel even not in his own territory, yeah, it's scary. But you all know it exists now that I've reminded you, and that Elspeth married an Ifteli, and that Heralds never go there, and that you import wine and stuff from there but nobody moves there even to handle their trade operations let alone because they hear the weather's really nice."

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"...That's...very scary actually..." Dara says faintly. 

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"I think it makes a difference that Vkandis isn't a normal human person?" Tantras says. "We expect gods to do weird god things for mysterious god reasons, and to not be able to intervene sometimes even though they can other times, and–"

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"You literally just said it was really evil." 

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"I think it might be time to think about why you expect that, and whether you think - finding it unsurprising - is the same kind of expectation as considering it appropriate."

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"I...also don't - find it surprising," Savil says, the words coming out sort of fragmented and uncertain. "I don't like it. Gods poking things makes me uneasy. I mean, we suspected a god or gods might've intervened so that all the events leading up to, well, Vanyel's Choosing, ended up happening. And that makes me very uneasy. But it's sort of not something you can do anything about, you know? I think it is more like the weather than like a person, from our point of view." 

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"Mages change the weather all the time," Dara points out with a raised eyebrow. 

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"You know what I mean." 

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"I don't! People can talk to gods sometimes, right - fine, maybe conversations don't really work if they're made of Foresight, but we can at least say words to them, unlike the weather. We could tell Karis to give Vkandis a piece of her mind about the war. I sort've assumed she'd done that already, actually, it was very obnoxious." 

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Tantras is starting to look kind of upset. 

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"People can talk to gods," agrees Belrun. "I think it could stand to be tried more, if you or anyone you know think you have an angle on it and think it won't just end up with you manipulated, hearing whatever words make you do whatever the god wants. It's, uh, not what Leareth expects to work, but I think it's worth a try or three. I would be a little surprised if Karis had already chewed out Vkandis about anything, we think it's expensive or something to possess people who aren't fairly well aligned with the god doing the possessing."

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Shiver. "I hope that's true. I'd have had a lot fewer nightmares about the Karis incident if I were sure of it at the time."

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"It's hard to identify the limits on gods' power because they behave so erratically, often subtly, and have to navigate around each other some unknown amount, but it seems like both their home turf advantage and their hold on specific people is likely to affect how appealing they find possessing those people in those places. So, for instance, I don't expect to be possessed at all, your non-Herald friends without particular religious convictions are probably safe, you might be possessable by whoever's responsible for Companions but likely not Vkandis since they're probably different, based on stylistic tells, and Companions are... I'm not sure but can't rule out 'kinda halfway possessed all the time by default' though that's really an upper bound."

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Dara makes a small "ack" sound. 

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"They don't seem like it," Savil says, sounding more curious than uncomfortable now. "I mean, they've got Companion-Foresight, which must've been something the god that made them set them up with, I guess they could get direct messages or orders that way but it seems to me that what they get is a lot fuzzier than that." 

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"Yeah, I don't know as much about Companions as I'd like, I've been chatting with the one who interrupted Jisa yesterday but while she's friendlier than I expected she doesn't answer everything and doesn't seem to know the answers to everything either."

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"That's good that you're talking to one of them!" Dara says brightly. "If we think the main thing in the way of us just talking about this as two countries and trying to come to an agreement is the Companions, then you understanding them better would help, right?"

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"That's the idea. Though I don't think Leareth's whole deal is really a 'country'."

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"What is it? Just a giant army and that's it?" 

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"I've mostly been staying in a really big library with adjoining living quarters. I haven't seen all of his premises."

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"Oh, right, that makes sense. I guess he wouldn't want to send you here knowing all the details, just for tactical reasons." 

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"We weren't planning on sending me here when I moved in with him, it mostly just didn't come up."

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Tantras fidgets. "I still feel like the 'talk about maybe peaceful annexation' plan is obviously crazy, I mean, war is really bad, but..." 

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"...I mean, the nice thing about peaceful annexation is that if regardless of how much we talk about it, you guys decide against, Leareth cannot go 'okay but I'm going to peacefully annex you anyway against your will', that not being peaceful."

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"Tantras, I think that's a really good point. It's not like it makes our position any worse to have thought about it." 

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"It might! If it means Leareth knows more things about us." 

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"I, uh. Turn out not to have a way to talk to him outside your control. Not that I want you to intercept all my letters but -"

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Tantras gives her a startled look. "We're not going to keep you here forever against your will and not let you see your lifebonded! That'd be horrible. So at some point you're going to talk to him." He scowls. "Or, I mean, it might turn out he has a plan to extract you and hear all about us and then attack anyway." 

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"Right, I guess none of us know for sure he doesn't have a way to do that, or that he won't come up with one. So I guess if we want to talk peaceful annexation we'll have to do it in a way that quarantines information about the Valdemaran defensive position from me but that doesn't seem like such a big obstacle it should prevent the conversation all by itself."

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"I think so," Savil agrees. "This is an issue with convincing you that Valdemar is harder to invade than Leareth thought, but less so with the possible upsides of the peaceful version of this, assuming those even exist." 

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Belrun nods.

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They look at her and each other in silence for a while. 

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"The part where we can't tell which gods are doing what and what their powers are is so irritating," Dara mutters. "I would try to make Rolan send a message to the Companion god but I'm not sure he'd even tell me for sure whether or not he can do that." 

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"That sounds frustrating and I don't really have a suggestion for how to approach it, unfortunately."

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Dara picks at her thumbnail. "Sorry, I'm all out of helpful ideas right now. Maybe I'll have more later." 

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"Mm-hm. Do you think there's any more worthwhile ground to cover in the direction of hypothetically talking about gods, or did the one example kind of make the point -"

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"What do you think Vkandis wants, in the example we talked about? A human doing that would want - power and influence, I guess - maybe wealth, land... But I don't know how gods would even think about those concepts." 

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"So, like so many things about gods, it isn't clear. They don't tell people what they want in the grand scheme of things, just the next steps they want the people to take for them. Sometimes they seem to want good things - like, the Star-Eyed wants the Pelagirs rendered habitable and has been working on that since they got messed up, that seems good as far as I know even if I don't like how she went about it. Vkandis - I don't have a good guess. He puts his name on flashy things more than most gods so it's possible he just straightforwardly likes being popular or something, which isn't a satisfying answer but I don't have one of those. Probably whatever's in Iftel would be informative but I don't want to go there because one time Leareth tried talking to one of his priests and got set on fire and I don't know if it'd be informative in a way germane to our discussion here anyway."

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Dara claps a hand to her mouth. "What? That's horrible! Gods, I'm - sorry - I really understand why you wouldn't want to go there! Ack." 

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Savil is looking extremely uncomfortable and staring in the opposite direction from where Belrun is. 

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"Thank you. Anyway, it's hard to tell what Vkandis or most other gods want and most of what Leareth has to go on about whether they do or don't like him specifically is how difficult it is to operate in various territories, but that could have a lot of confounders such as whether it in fact according to divine Foresight requires particular difficulty in operation to steer him away from whatever bothers a local god, or the god's operating style, or gods cutting deals with other gods in whatever way it is they do that."

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"Mmm," Savil says noncommittally. 

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Dara frowns fiercely at her slate and doesn't say anything. 

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"...are you guys okay?"

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"Sorry," Dara says. "Rolan's in kind of a snippy mood." She makes a face at nothing in particular. 

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"...should we, uh, pause here and let you - work that out, or -"

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"Um, probably, that'd be easier. I think we covered a decent amount already, and you have more meetings with other people?" 

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Savil nods briskly. "That was more productive than I expected, actually!" 

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"...was it?"

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"I think so? I'm not sure what my expectation actually was, but, you said a lot of things and now we can hopefully go off and mull on it some." 

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"All right. I'll see you all later, then, thank you."

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Savil walks her back to her room. "Thank you for, er, all the effort you're putting in. I'm sorry about the dream thing, that's really inconvenient." 

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"Thank you."

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And Savil heads off, her expression pensive. 

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Belrun has lunch. And starts another letter.

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Shavri comes back just as she's finishing. "Belrun? Would now be a good time to chat a bit with Van and I?" 

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"Yeah." She sets down her pen.

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Vanyel sits. "Savil says you were talking about gods, earlier. I..." Wince. "This is the topic Yfandes isn't speaking to me over, but since she's already not speaking to me, and Shavri doesn't have a Companion, we thought - maybe it'd be more productive to get into it in depth with just us." 

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"Oh - yeah. Apparently Rolan was in a mood about it, we wrapped up to let that simmer down. Anywhere in particular you want to start? I don't know how much they relayed."

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"Not that much, Savil finds it hard to talk about. You were trying to use hypothetical examples - one of them was about Vkandis...?" 

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"It didn't wind up being very hypothetical, I just described a lot of observable Vkandis behavior while referring to him as, quote, 'a normal human person'."

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"I feel like Vkandis' behaviour would be very confusing if he were a normal human person. Especially the possessing people! Did framing it that way help at all?" 

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"If you call Herald Tantras missing who I was talking about and describing the observable Vkandis behavior as 'evil' a form of helping, yes?"

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Vanyel laughs despite himself. "I wish I'd seen his face when he realized! He must've been being very dense about it, but - I think that happens when he's in a very fraught conversation." 

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"He went on to explain that we expect gods to do mysterious godly things, and I said there's a difference between expectation as in that which is unsurprising and expectation as in that which meets standards."

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"...Right, I see that. I'm very used to being a pawn in the gods' plans, it doesn't surprise me when they - use people - but it doesn't mean I'm happy about it or would prefer the world that way." 

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"I'm lifebonded to the King, who is dying of a mysterious disease," Shavri says dully. "Lifebonds are something the gods do. I'm not sure what they wanted out of this one but - it's pretty terrible for me. It's not that I don't love Randi, just..." 

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"He's - were you supposed to tell me that, it seems like sensitive information."

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"I mean, in theory, but we're pretty damned sure Leareth knows. Honestly I had wondered if it was somehow his fault although leaning against it at this point." 

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"Does everyone just kind of figure everything bad that happens is probably Leareth's fault around here -"

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"I mean, when we're being paranoid we pretty much have to ask the question? Given, er, some of the bad things we have confirmation he was involved in. I'm fairly sure he didn't cause Darvi's death, in the end, but I spent a month investigating it just in case he could have. It was a very convenient accident for his goals, you know." 

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"I haven't asked him if he's been engineering the deaths of Valdemaran royalty, and I guess he may have been, but - anything the gods can get you to blame him for is a way they can use you to kill him for them and they, too, often manifest in convenient accidents."

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"That's a really good point, actually." Vanyel shivers. "Ugh. I...remember having the thought, even, years ago. That whether the gods want me to fight him, and whether it's the right thing to do, aren't actually the same question. It's terrifying considering that I might end up wanting to do something the gods don't want, because...how are you even supposed to fight that, they're gods...but I was already aware of that being possible. And - I guess I'm not an expert on how gods do things but I knew vaguely it involved poking things in convenient directions, since, well, me existing." 

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"Leareth does it by mostly staying out of god territory - less an option for you - and by being really thorough to the point of redundancy and paranoia about how he manages all his stuff, so there's no room for god coincidences to sneak in, which... works better for someone who is as an individual in charge of his whole organization. I think a group of people could also manage something similar but they'd all have to be thinking pretty clearly - this trades low surface area for the need for an outside actor like a god to make a lot of things all go the same way at the same time to corrupt the decisionmaking process, and I think that's hard, that's probably why they don't like democracy, but if they can just get everybody to make correlated mistakes then ultimately they can still co-opt it."

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"I'm guessing," Vanyel says quietly, "that you think Heralds do all make correlated mistakes." 

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"...less than I was expecting. Dara seems very clearheaded, I'm glad she got brought in. But yeah, probably, so barring a very exciting update from the local divinity..."

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"I'm glad you brought Dara in. I like her a lot." 

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"I hope she's - ready to cope with Rolan."

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"I think she's ready to cope with most things. Honestly she was more mature at thirteen when I met her than I was at twenty. And - at least he's talking to her, right? That's already on a better track than me and 'Fandes." 

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"That was my impression but I can't exactly eavesdrop. I don't suppose it'd help if I talked to Yfandes too?"

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"It might be a very frustrating conversation for you! But I don't think it'd make things worse, if only because that seems difficult to pull off at this point. It might be easier. She'd have more - distance - with you." 

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"I can try, if you want me to."

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"...I'll think about it a bit more but probably that would be good. Er, anyway. I actually want to know more about the 'hypothetical' you gave about Vkandis, and what you and Leareth think the gods are up to, insofar as you can say." 

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Shavri nods. "I know it's probably hard to tell, since I don't get the impression most gods are much for explaining their actions, but I'm also curious." 

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Belrun repeats her assessment of Vkandis's observable behavior.

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"I don't blame Tran for saying that sounds evil if you imagine a person doing it! It'd just be so...power-hungry, I guess? Megalomaniac? It does feel less like that if I think of it being a god. Maybe just because, I don't know, 'wanting to be as powerful as a god' seems less weird if you literally are one. But I don't know if that's right. Do you think the gods actually do have motives of wanting more control and influence?" 

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"I think it's hard to disentangle that from them wanting to be able to predict the future since for a god those may be the same thing. But effectively many of the more legible god actions bend in that direction."

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"Hmm." 

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"Savil said you were talking to one of the Companions?" Vanyel says. "Because you think the Companions are one of the main reasons we can't just - talk about this and have everything on the table including peaceful options. Which I can't really disagree with, given, you know." A vague handwave, his lips tugging into a bitter half-smile. "How's that been going?" 

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"She's nice - I don't know if you've met her, I suppose you probably haven't since humans usually don't talk to Companions besides their own? Her name is Amshalan and she confirmed Leareth's theory that Companions are reincarnated but apparently they don't have as much memory fidelity as Leareth thought."

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"Huh! I wonder if Yfandes... I guess it's hard for me to ask her right now but you could. A few times I've sort of - seen her as a human? Like an illusion or a dream. Anyway, how much memory fidelity did Leareth think they had and how much do they actually have?" 

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"He thought it was pretty good, like, a useful proof of concept for people being theoretically recoverable in full - and Amshalan remembers being a different Companion before but barely remembers being a human before that; when prompted she said she remembered eating cake."

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"Wow. Why was he wondering if people were– oh. Does he want to bring back..." Vanyel trails off and makes a pained face. 

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"Is that even possible? If you're a human, I mean. Apparently gods can do it sort of. If they stick people in horse bodies, which seems inconvenient but maybe it's not a requirement, who knows." 

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"Well, we don't know how it's done, or whether people's personalities and memories are stored outside the case where the gods want to reuse them for something specific later, or whether the horse body part is obligatory but that one seems unlikely to me."

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Vanyel is still and silent, his expression closed-off. 

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"You know, I'm surprised that Leareth thinks invading us and having an empire is going to help," Shavri says. "If his problem is actually just gods." 

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"I am not supposed to explain that part. He's had an empire before, I imagine he picked up some facts about what having one is useful for."

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Vanyel blinks. Exchanges a thoughtful look with Shavri. Neither of them says anything, though. 

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"It's the Eastern Empire if you're wondering but he isn't really involved there any more."

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"Right. That's one of the things I suspected - I can't remember if he confirmed it to me but we talked about books written by scholars there, who I assumed were secretly him. A shocking number of old books about a wide range of topics are secretly him." 

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"They might not all be secretly him, but probably some of them, sure."

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Nod. "He's very impressive. ...He wants to personally fight the gods. Doesn't he. I know you can't confirm or deny it, but that's sort of the only thing that makes sense given his - priorities... No wonder he thinks the Companions are a barrier to any kind of peaceful resolution here." 

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"I think the gods started it. Personally I think there's a significant chance that only most of them want to murder him - a god not wanting to murder you just looks like you not dying some of the time, pretty much, it'd be easy to miss - but since some of those have in fact done it he's understandably cautious."

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"Yes, it rather does seem like the gods started it, doesn't it." Sigh. "He probably doesn't actually feel this way, but if I were in his shoes, I'd just be...so tired, at this point. Trying to fight the gods for thousands of years sounds incredibly draining, especially if the things They oppose include magic book-copying and democracy of all things." 

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"It's pretty - tiring, yeah, though I don't know if he's actually tired, he's had a while to work on being set up for the long haul. He was lonely. I guess he is again now."

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"Mmm. I - do feel bad about that, yanking you away from him." Vanyel looks down. The silence stretches out. 

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"It's not really your fault."

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"Mmm." Vanyel seems unconvinced. 

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"Van thinks everything is his fault," Shavri mutters. "You'll get used to i– gah!" She's suddenly on her feet, almost knocking her chair over. "Oh gods." 

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"What? What happened?" asks Belrun, nearly flinching out of her seat onto the floor.

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Shavri turns a somewhat terrified look on Belrun, her face very pale. "Van, come on - we have to go - right now–"

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Vanyel scrambles up as well. "Fine, but shouldn't you tell Belrun what - I mean, I want to know too, but I feel like she deserves to." 

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"I think I need to talk to Randi and then decide that. Belrun, I apologize for the rude interruption. We need to leave." She grabs Vanyel's arm and hauls him out the door. 

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Well that's scary.

She fidgets a bit. Exchanges looks with her dad. Looks out the window for Amshalan.

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There is no sign of Amshalan (or any other Companions in view, actually). 

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Okay.

Belrun works on her letter, looking up every time she finishes encoding a sentence in case someone's about to explain what the fuck.

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Joshel, the very young Seneschal's Herald, eventually arrives, presumably in order to explain what the fuck. He also looks like he's probably seen a ghost. He opens his mouth to speak, but then stands there looking a bit like a fish on land, mid-suffocation. 

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"...what's the matter?"

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Joshel takes a deep breath and visibly tries to collect himself. "We - I'm afraid we have to cut off the talks and meetings for a bit. While we figure out what to do." Wide-eyed look. "Rolan just repudiated Dara." 

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"- is, is she okay?"

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"I don't know! Probably not!" He folds his arms. "You, um, you must understand why this makes us very alarmed about talking to you." 

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"Yeah I can see why it would or I would be probably saying more things."

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"...Anyway now you know what's going on." Joshel nods, stiffly, and then turns and marches away. 

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Under the circumstances she's not gonna Mindspeak anyone. She resumes letter writing.

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Half a candlemark later, a white form appears in the distance, cantering across the field. 

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Belrun... peeks at her mane, and goes over and sits by the window, arms crossed on the sill, but doesn't say anything; she might be on her way anywhere else.

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Amshalan stays on the other side of the path, by an apple tree, nervously shifting her weight and prancing a bit but seeming to occasionally glance in the direction of Belrun's window. 

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Belrun waves a little bit.

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Amshalan comes a bit closer, though still keeping a respectful distance from the window. :Did, er - did somebody think to update you on what...?: 

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:Herald Joshel told me that Rolan repudiated Dara and now everyone's nervous about talking to me:

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Amshalan nods - oddly humanlike in the gesture - and takes a few cautious steps closer. :...Are you all right?:

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:Uh, I'm pretty scared that this means negotiations have irreversibly broken down and someone will decide they had better murder me while I'm handy instead of waiting to see what happens when I go home without a better idea than 'have a war with Valdemar'. I guess it would also be bad if negotiations irreversibly broke down and they did just send me home but it's not what is most vividly concerning:

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:...Ummm, if it helps at all, in my personal opinion murdering you would be an enormous breach of Heraldic ethics and while I suppose somebody might panic and try it anyway, they would probably get repudiated afterward and ALSO I will hover and bite anybody who looks like they might be about to try?: 

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:Thank you.

Is Dara okay? She seemed like such a great kid, I really like her -:

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:–I mean, no, she isn't very okay right now, but - I think she will be? She's a pretty great kid. Also she is apparently spectacularly stubborn. Rolan is - kind of devastated, right now: 

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:He's devastated? What did she even do, I had the impression it was just she - thought about things -:

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:They spent the last candlemark or so having a fight that kept escalating and escalating, apparently? I asked Yfandes what she thought happened, since - she and Van might've been having a similar issue, it sounds like? And Van just backed off way sooner because he would get too upset. Dara - wanted to talk Rolan into passing a message to the Companion-god, or at least to check the Web-Foresight if it would work, or AT LEAST tell her why it was a bad idea, and - he wouldn't - and she wouldn't leave it alone... And I think it surprised him a lot, it - wasn't a thing he decided to do, consciously, it's like he just snapped all of a sudden. I'm sorry. If we'd known this was the sort of thing that could happen we'd have - I don't know, someone would've done something different. I hope so, at least: 

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:- are you saying he repudiated her by accident, or should I be chalking this up to her making too much progress and the god deciding to do it for him?:

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:...I - don't know: Amshalan seems very shaken. :I don't think it was direct divine intervention? But, you know, if a god was - making us - and had certain goals: she's saying the words in a manner reminiscent of how someone might try to catch a spider without actually looking at it except just barely from the corner of their eye, :it'd make sense, right? To have there be a - mechanism - for if someone was - going in a direction - that They wouldn't want...: Nervous prancing. 

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:Now I kind of wonder if you're a collaborative project - Companions in general I mean - and the gods got along seven hundred years ago and now they don't:

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:Huh! I hadn't thought of... I mean, the whole reason we don't know which god it was is that King Valdemar is said to have prayed to all of the ones he knew of: 

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:Yeah.

I don't want to - break anything you're using to think, over there, and it makes it kind of hard to talk, because everything I can think to talk about is - maybe too related to whatever made Rolan snap - and you don't have a Herald to snap at but that just means it doesn't cascade, not that it would work out for you personally - anyway you can just, like, run off if it's making you uncomfortable, right, you aren't stuck with me for all eternity, it's just that if I don't figure something out then it gets ugly:

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Amshalan doesn't answer immediately. 

:I'm here by my own choice: she sends finally, sounding quite firm and also like she's leaving out quite a lot, the overtones with her Mindspeech are - complicated. 

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:I guess that's got to be good enough. Gods. So to speak. There are so many reasons I'm not a Herald it's almost funny, you know, but I didn't expect to be so unHeraldic that I couldn't even talk to them!:

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:–oh, what are the so many reasons? I know the one is that you don't like mind-magic and had nightmares about our very existence, but...: 

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:I mean, there's that. Which led me to leave the country when I was too young to get Chosen till I was too old to get Chosen, unless someone had made a very special exception. I'm a Healer, usually Companions don't choose Healers, there's a separate pipeline for those. I'd make an appallingly bad Herald - there's the asking annoying questions part, which apparently is even worse than I'd previously understood, but also I'm too clumsy for much of the circuit and military work that's customary, and unpatriotic in general and specifically not patriotic about Valdemar, and have issues with authority.

It's not that I had nightmares about Companions existing at all, see, it's, I think very highly of myself, and when I was a kid I took 'Companions choose good people' as - referring to the same standards I held myself to? My mother thought it was weird I'd even think one would want me, we didn't know I was Gifted at all yet and practically all Heralds are, and I told her 'anyone would want me, I'm great', but that's not really the thing getting filtered for, is it? Dara's great. Dara's still great even if Rolan had some kind of freakout about how great she was being:

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:......: 

(It’s a weirdly meaning-ridden silence, even if it’s not at all clear what the meaning is.)

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:I kinda wanna give Dara a hug but presumably there's no way that's happening:

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:I wish you could! She really deserves and needs a hug! And it’s not like talking to you is likely to mess things up any more than already happened. Unfortunately it’s not exactly up to me who’s allowed to see her:

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:Who's it up to? Does she have family here or... teachers or what?:

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:Family, not here and I think not - usefully - at all. First thing I asked Rolan. Her mother was raising her alone and is apparently a bit, er, simple. Most of the teachers who know her at all well are Heralds:

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I am going to write in this letter to Leareth about this and ask if he's got enough in petty cash to give the poor girl a scholarship somewhere and she can be an astronomer or a librarian or whatever she wants away from all this crap, if they don't decide to - lock her up for thinking thoughts.

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:That's very kind of you. And - of him, if he agrees, which I honestly predict he would:

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:I will tell him that I incurred an unexpected financial expense in the course of my diplomatic detachment on his behalf. I suppose it might get to be out of scope if I needed to get tuition money together for a hundred like her but I doubt they'll let it spread any farther, they'll probably send me home. Even if I have a brilliant idea who's going to hold still and listen to it now? Besides you, you're great, I just don't know that you listening gives a way to stop the war:

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:...Aww, I'm rather touched: Amshalan tosses her head so the braid sparkles. :I do wish I could help. This entire thing feels - it's hard for me to think about too - but it seems like from the outside it has to look very stupid, you know?: 

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:It's kind of too horrible to look stupid? Like... I can see where it would be almost funny, if it were funny, but it's just actually not, like one of those curly dogs with a ridiculous haircut and also it's on fire:

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A spurt of mental laughter. :–oh no, you're right, it's too horrible to be funny, just - that mental image...: 

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Snort. :Yes, exactly:

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:Anyway. I really hope people aren't going to panic enough to not deliver a letter for you, that would be - really self-sabotaging here - but if Savil won't Gate, I - could take it for you. It'd take longer, but we are magic, I could run all the way to the border in three days. Maybe two, if I literally didn't stop: 

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:That's really kind of you but - he won't be expecting that, I'm not sure he'd interpret it right:

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:Fair enough: Mental sigh. 

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:I do appreciate the thought. The lag time on the letters is awful, I wasn't expecting it to be that bad but things have been so, uh, eventful:

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:Sure does seem like it: 

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:I wish you remembered more about being a human. It seems like it'd make for a useful comparison point for figuring out what's different now. Psychologically, not 'now you have hooves'. Though I guess Rolan in particular would be more different still. - has Yfandes, uh, gotten any worse?:

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:I think she’s gotten more stressed - it’s incredibly hard on her, not being with Van - but, I don’t think she’s gotten closer to - what happened with Rolan: Thoughtful pause. :The Groveborn can Choose again when their Herald dies. And are responsible for - a lot more than just their Herald: 

The not-looking-at-the-spider unease is back, Amshalan’s sentences are coming out very fragmented, but she’s staying put. :Might - make it easier. Repudiation, I mean. Yfandes admitted to me she’s been scared it’d happen by accident even before now - when she was feeling very unsteady she’d just block Van, because of that. I think it feels like it’d be the end of the world, to her. It probably would, I mean, I think she might die after:

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:I can't stop wanting to pick at it! Dara's got a hole ripped in her head and I still want to pick at it - it just feels like if I knew what exactly was happening it'd make sense and everything would be fine once it made sense. I suppose considering this it may be a good thing that I'm not going to get a lot more chances to fail to restrain myself from poking Heralds about their opinions on the gods:

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:Hmm: Headtoss. :I - like that trait. Wanting to - know what’s happening. Even if it’s not Heraldic per se and might - end up breaking things:

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:I don't want to break people!:

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:I know! It’d be an actively unlikeable trait if you didn’t care about that. You just - want to understand anyway - because it’s important - because otherwise you might step on things entirely by accident...:

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:That's not even why! You can avoid doing bad things if you just never do anything! Or even if you just do very conservative good things like giving widows with little kids your spare money! I don't want to understand so I can not do bad things, that's easy, it's - it's not pathetic exactly but there's a concept in that direction I'm reaching for - I want to understand things so that I can do good things. Big ones, ones so big that I have to know where everything is for miles around just to shape them and aim them -:

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:No wonder Leareth likes you: Amshalan's mindvoice is earnestly pleased. 

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:You've never met him! - have you?:

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:Mmm, no, but it's not hard to guess what sort of person he is, hearing the debrief: Something in her mindvoice hints that she isn't saying everything. 

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:Oh?:

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:Just, I mean, he's obviously trying to do very big things that involve knowing where everything is for miles around: 

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:That's true:

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:Mmm. Anyway: Amshalan hesitates. :Wanted to make sure you’d been told and were all right. If you are then - I can let you know if anything changes, and pass on to Savil’s Kellan that you want to drop off another letter?: She seems a bit reluctant to leave, though.

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:I've been told, I'm all right, I have a few more paragraphs to encipher but should be ready to send this letter within the candlemark:

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:All right. See you round, Belrun: Amshalan trots off into the distance.

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Belrun finishes her letter.

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About a candlemark later, there is a loud, abrupt, and angry-sounding knock on her door. 

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"...come in?"

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Tantras sort of comes in, but stands by the doorway with his arms folded. "Are you very pleased with yourself, Belrun?" he says icily. 

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"- am - what? No! I didn't want to do anything to hurt Dara, I like her!"

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"Well, you sure did pick an interesting way to show it!" 

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"I was just talking! You can Truth Spell me about whether any of it was misleading or even - filtered for this!"

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"Actually I think probably we shouldn't be talking to you anymore! I'm certain you could find ways of saying things under Truth Spell that would screw things up even more!" 

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"- then what are you doing here?"

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"Definitely not listening to anything you say! I told Randi I could come deliver this message because I think I might be literally the only person in Haven capable of ignoring when you talk. Figured you ought to know how thoroughly you've messed everything up and that we do not currently see a way that it'd be reasonable to continue these talks." 

He glares at her a few moments longer, then storms out, shutting the door crisply on her. 

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"I - w- - argh," she says to the closed door.

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The closed door does not answer her. 

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:...Amshalan?:

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:–Oh, damn, what is it?:

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:Tantras says the King says 'we do not currently see a way that it'd be reasonable to continue these talks' and I'm really unclear on - who I'm allowed to talk to? At all? Like, probably yes you and my dad, probably not any Heralds, Dara herself no idea, Shavri no idea - so that makes it hard to know if, like, I can offer to be fed someone else's phrasing for Truth Spells to the effect that I didn't expect or want Rolan to do that, or if I should just pack, or -:

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:Hmm. I'm not sure. I know Vanyel offered to come talk to you and Tran shut that down. I - probably packing right now is premature, I'm not sure, maybe wait a few candlemarks and see if people calm down? Everyone is really in shock. Dara is - not in a good place to talk to people right now. No one's in a good place to make reasoned decisions. I don't think anyone is planning to send you packing right now, but mostly that's because they're not planning yet - I'm worried that if you push on it too soon they will: 

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:Okay. Thank you:

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:You're welcome. I'm really sorry this is happening:

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:I'll live, if anybody was going to stab me I'd have expected it to be Tantras. I'd appreciate anything you're allowed to keep me posted on:

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:I'll try: 

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:Thank you:

And she doesn't know there's much point in adding to the letter at this point but does it anyway, because she can't actually just talk to Leareth.

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:Vanyel pointed out in a meeting that he might get the dream again: Amshalan sends at one point. :Since he often does if he gets new information and this - sure appears to count as that. But now everyone's worried it isn't safe for him to talk to Leareth more and they're brainstorming if there are ways to reversibly block his Foresight, or if he should just stay up all night so they're not asleep at the same time: 

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:That seems drastic, why can't he just yell 'I don't want to talk to you today' and then not go near him and then verify he did that in the morning?:

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:Honestly everyone would think that was reasonable except for Tran, who doesn't trust Vanyel not to decide to tell Leareth all our secrets for some reason: 

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:Ah:

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:I'll, er, let you know if I find out more: Amshalan seems kind of distracted, and drops the connection. 

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Belrun doesn't think this needs to be added to the letter. She notebooks to herself instead.

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Another few candlemarks later - it's getting into the evening by now - she gets another shaky Mindtouch. :Belrun?: 

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:Dara! Are you okay - I'm so sorry -:

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:It's not your fault. That's - why I'm telling you - please don't talk to anyone else - but I'd be so upset if you thought it were your fault...: 

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:- I don't think it would have happened without me but that's not exactly the same thing:

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:I don't think it is. Anyway. It's done now, and - nobody's going to trust me here anymore, they haven't really said it yet but I know they're thinking I'm probably bad now. So I'm leaving. My ma needs me more than Haven does, at this point: 

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:I'd been - I put in my next letter to Leareth that I wanted him to pay your tuition at a school somewhere, studying anything you like:

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:Wow. Really–: Pause. :I shouldn't be surprised, that's - not giving you or him enough credit, or something. Anyway. I can't really think about that yet. I just want to go home. But, thank you. Can you please not tell anyone yet? I - I'm worried they won't let me, if they're expecting it: 

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:They might Truth Spell me but they probably won't get around to it right away and anyway I don't believe I'm currently allowed to talk to people. But where does your mother live, if I get the chance to follow up and send you a letter of recommendation and some cash -:

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Dara can tell her. :Thank you: 

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:If there's anything else I can do to help - uh, and there's a means of communication feasible - let me know?:

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:Of course. I...: Long pause. :I don't see how this can turn out all right, and - I really can't make it better by being here, anymore - but, good luck, I mean that: 

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:Thanks:

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Dara drops the connection. 

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Notebook notebook. Obscure notebook worthless to third parties who might intercept it.

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It's getting quite late in the evening when Savil turns up at her door. "Belrun, can you come with me?" she says jerkily. 

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"- are you sending me home, should I bring my stuff -" She hasn't outright packed but she did consolidate her belongings enough that she can get that way in five minutes.

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"We need to talk and try to get everyone back on the same page now and - maybe - probably - but it wouldn't be tonight, it's already dark out, we're not going to just kick you into the streets." 

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Belrun nods and just brings her current notebook.

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Savil must be stressed enough to have forgotten about Belrun's tendency to trip, because she sets off walking rather fast, and also the path is not exactly well lit. 

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Belrun shuffles briskly and catches herself as necessary with Fetching and manages not to hit the ground.

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"Savil!" Shavri jogs up to them. "You haven't seen her?" 

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"No, I haven't - we've got search parties out–"

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"Oh, is that - Shavri!" Vanyel catches up to them at a run, waving. "Can someone please tell me what's going on?" 

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"–Are we meeting with everyone? Why's Vanyel here?" Tantras is converging on them from another path. 

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"Tran, can you please leave that hobbyhorse alone for thirty seconds, we have a situation." 

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"What." 

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"Dara's vanished on us. I'm - really scared for her - Belrun, do you have any–"

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"You haven't even asked her? Belrun, are you responsible for Dara disappearing?" 

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Belrun shakes her head.

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Katha bumps onto the path with Joshel. "...Weren't we going to an actual meeting room–"

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"We should Truth Spell her–"

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"Tran, shut up for one moment - can we move along please–"

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"Dara disappeared? Are we worried she's–"

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"Yes we're worried she's gone off to jump in the river, however, we can't exactly ask her Companion where she is, can we!" 

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Keiran runs up from the opposite direction. "–What's going on?" 

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"Can everyone be QUIET?" Savil snaps. "We've got people looking - right now we need to make a decision about Belrun, focus, please." 

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"What, really? Are we not just obviously sending her back at this point?" 

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"Belrun hasn't actually done anything since, er, earlier, right?" 

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"We don't know that!"

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"Tran! Please!" Sigh. "Probably we should but - damn it. Goddamnit." Savil kicks a stone in frustration.

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Katha, Keiran, and Joshel are having a conversation with each other over all of that. 

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"Tantras do you want to just go ahead and Truth Spell me now -"

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"...Yes." Pause while he concentrates for ten seconds. "Belrun, do you know anything about or have any involvement with Dara recently disappearing?" 

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"She Mindspoke me about it. I expect she's fine and left of her own accord."

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"What, actually? Why didn't you tell anyone?" 

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"Both of she asked me not to and I wasn't clear if I was allowed to talk to anyone."

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"...Did we not give her any instructions?" Shavri says helplessly. 

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"Apparently not!" Vanyel looks very frustrated. "Why are we still standing here?" 

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"So we can decide whether to send Belrun back, obviously!" 

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"Tonight?" 

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"You know, with the way things are going, maybe we should! She's been here, what, two days, do we really want to try our luck at a third–"

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"Does that even work - aren't there logistics–"

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"Savil, he shouldn't even be at this–"

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"Tran, please." Savil flings up both hands. "I know everything is descending into chaos around us right now but the additional shouting is really not helping!" 

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"...You're kind of contributing to it though," Shavri mutters, mostly to herself, while looking determinedly down at the path. 

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There are about ten seconds of blessed silence - Keiran's huddle seems to have taken their conversation to Mindspeech, in fact, there are a lot of Mindspeech-y looks going around. 

"Belrun?" Vanyel says cautiously. "Do you, er - what's the thing that you wish we could do now instead of, um, this?" 

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"Um, I guess I wish we could - sleep on it and reconvene in a smaller group in the morning -?"

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"We thought Van might have a dream tonight, no?" Katha points out. "Given the logistical delay of letters, if we have to arrange a Gate location, plausibly we'd want to settle that before Van goes to sleep." 

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"How does it help anything if he has a dream after I've been sent back instead?"

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"I assume she meant I could pick a Gate location with Leareth," Vanyel says wearily. "Although I'm pretty likely not to get the dream tonight, I mean, it's only ever happened once that it was two nights in a row." 

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"You could settle a Gate location without committing to use it, maybe? Tell him you might send me home tomorrow but maybe not -?"

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"Savil, this is a bad idea - we talked about this, it's one thing to trust Van to turn his back and not talk to Leareth at all, and another to hand him a possibly sensitive and fraught negotiation like this!" 

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"I was kind of worried - Van, ke'chara, are you up for this? You really haven't been sleeping very well–"

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"That isn't the point!" Aaaand they're off again. 

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"Guys?" says Belrun after it's been a minute.

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Savil makes a sort of calming-down gesture with her hands, which has little effect. "We were talking about whether or not it's important to make a decision tonight, right - obviously it'd be good if we didn't have to and could sleep on it..." 

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"I think I should stay at least a few more days, even if you don't want to have more meetings in that time, or meetings with Heralds in attendance, or meetings without Tantras in particular glowering at me, because -"

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"I don't see how mandatory Tantras glowering helps anyone," Savil mutters. "Is it even feasible to do meetings without Heralds at all - hmm..." 

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"No? That's stupid?" 

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"I mean, could do it, my Companion isn't talking to me anyway." 

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Scowl. 

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Worried look. "Van, ke'chara, apparently the limits on how bad it can get are a lot worse than 'not speaking'..." 

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"- because there's -" Nobody's listening. She'd Mindspeak somebody but there is not obviously anyone who can take control of this situation even if she thinks of the perfect thing to say.

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Eventually Tantras spins around and fixes his eyes on her. "Well? Is this accomplishing everything you hoped? I mean, I assume throwing the Heralds into complete chaos is pretty convenient for Leareth." 

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"I didn't want -"

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"Tran! Belrun, sorry - Tran, can you just–"

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"I mean," Katha says quietly, "I'm not sure it matters if she was planning this specifically - it'd be weirdly specific - it's still happening." 

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Tantras and Shavri now seem to be very distracted, locking eyes with each other and presumably Mindspeaking. 

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"Can't we please just -"

 

They obviously can't just. They're still talking over each other layers deep and now she can't even catch the odd word in some of the subconversations.

She could try to walk off, go back to her room, see what they say in the morning. That would - look hostile, she's not supposed to slip their leash, and even if she brought Chalan - staring in horror at the shambles of his national government - and the other guard along it'd look bad, they might panic and attack her.

She could give up. Stand here, answer questions if any are ever posed without half a dozen more sentences heaped over them at the same time, maintain her blue halo that is doing so fucking little to verify her good intentions here, let them send her home to huddle in the circle of Leareth's arms and not be in so much fucking pain and - what, circle back and try again? How's that going to work out? Abandon this whole country of half a million people to violent conquest? Convince Leareth to do something else, maybe, but what else, she doesn't know how to blow up the moon, at least if they conquer Valdemar they don't immediately have to start slaughtering people, they have a few centuries to build a really nice empire and if at the end of it they no longer need to throw ten million people into the meatgrinder they will still have a really nice empire and -

No, however geopolitically she's tempted to think now, the war represents a real cost, Valdemar has allies, the gods have tricks, it will be protracted and ugly and people will die and the current best proof of concept for ever getting them back again might, optimistically, turn them into horses who dimly remember eating cake, that's hopes piled on fantasies piled on dreams, she can't just give up averting this war as a bad job and go home even though she aches.

Isn't there anyone sane around? Okay, Chalan is sane, but he's overwhelmed. He thinks very highly of Heralds and a lot of them are currently squabbling like chickens right before his eyes and they'll all think he's biased anyway -

 

:Amshalan? Are you awake?:

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Startled feeling. Alarm. :–Yes. What is it: 

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:Lot of people are screaming at each other and I can't get a word in edgewise and I'm not sure what to do - I don't know if you're getting any backchannel gossip from their Companions or anything?:

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:...Um, not - usefully...: 

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:They just yelling at each other too?:

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:Not yelling, just - stunned - normally we'd listen to Rolan, right? But he is kind of busy being very upset right now and - I guess we don't know how to handle that: 

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:I wish I could just - put it all down for the night and pick it up tomorrow, or, or next week, but everyone seems very determined to figure something out right away, right here outdoors standing around in the dark, I don't know if I'll have a chance...:

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:That seems very stupid: 

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:They're panicking. Optimistically they won't be panicking after they sleep. Pessimistically they are panicking too much to in fact sleep, and at any moment Savil may shove me through a Gate to the letter drop location on the theory that Leareth'll notice I'm nearer by and come grab me and I won't be able to ruin any more Heralds.

 

Hey, Amshalan, I thought of another reason for me not to be a Herald:

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:...Oh?: 

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What does she want, what does she have, what has already been ripped up and repaved anyway, what can she spend down for all those strangers these people aren't sane enough to protect -

:Yeah. When I was a little kid I saw a Companion standing around and walked up to them and asked very politely not to be one.

 

If - if there's somebody who heard that I did that, and has been accordingly - waiting, for me -

- now would be a good time:

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Amshalan goes very silent in her head. Several beats pass. 

:...Are you - sure...?: Hesitant, almost shy. :Belrun, you don't have to do this: 

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:I'm not sure. I don't know, do you have Foresight showing that in another candlemark they all go to bed and tomorrow we have a nice calm breakfast meeting - if I don't figure something out here - or would I just get repudiated inside of five minutes, maybe this doesn't work either, but I don't have another idea, I don't think they know how to listen otherwise -:

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:My Foresight sense is - not showing that: Amshalan admits, a bit shakily. :My Foresight is showing me that we have a very bad problem and - and there is maybe a way out of it but it's also very terrifying, because, see: her mindvoice is sort of happy and sort of nervous and generally just weirdly bouncy, :because - I got a Call for you the day you rode into Haven - but, you know, it seemed like a very bad idea and like it would be disrespectful to what you prefer and - I don't know, maybe it gets us out of this stupid mess, but also I - cannot currently - think straight about - the thing this is a mess about, and - I don't know........: 

Pause. 

:–But I wouldn't be too scared to try: 

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:I'm glad it's you.

I think I'll hold up if it doesn't, uh, stick. Dara was all set to travel the same day -:

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:Dara's unusually resilient, I think, but - I'd believe you, that you are too, and surely if it doesn't work it'd fail within minutes and that wouldn't be as bad as a year later. Should I head your way?:

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She looks at the squabbling chickens. Maybe they're better organized when their King isn't dying and nobody has suggested invading them recently, but if your national government can't handle royal mortality and international diplomacy it would be better suited to running a gardening club.

:Yeah.

Leareth is probably going to freak out but, oh well, he had lots of time to think of a not-invading-Valdemar solution all by himself and he didn't so now it's my turn:

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:I'm sorry. ...I do think this isn't actually about Leareth anymore, it's about - someone can end up repudiated inside of five minutes just for asking the wrong questions, that's not how anyone thought it worked, it's really terrifying and also we technically don't have a King's Own and barely have a Groveborn right now: Amshalan is moving closer, fast. :I, er, take your point that they're not - coping - but I don't think it reflects enormously badly on them, and Vanyel would be saying sensible things if anyone had been listening to him at all in the last several weeks, and - I'm sorry but if this works we can figure out a way to tell him–:

And she's there. Cantering right up to the crowd of panicking Heralds. Stopping in front of Belrun. Looking into her eyes, which are somehow very visibly blue like the sky even though it's dark. 

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Belrun looks back.

Reaches out to stroke her nose.

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Everyone looks so confused! They've stopped shouting though and are instead staring at her. 

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Vanyel Mindspeaks her. :Belrun, are you getting Chosen - what - you might want to be careful, you know about me and 'Fandes right now: 

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:I know, we discussed that. It'll probably - fail fast if it's going to fail:

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Vanyel is now looking very scared but he doesn't interrupt. 

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:Belrun, I Choose you: Amshalan sends - and Broadsends it to the entire group too, just in case they haven't clued in yet. 

–It's like falling, toward the blue that's somehow behind her eyes in a place that isn't exactly the ordinary space around her, except - there's a just-barely-perceptible moment that's more like deciding to jump. 

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She's jumped off some very tall things before, if only in her dreams.

She falls.

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and she keeps falling and suddenly she's - somewhere else - she's with a woman - blonde straight hair tied at the nape of her neck, beaky nose, an interesting face if not pretty - looking into her eyes -

- and all around them endless blue - strung through with silver threads - dreams, decisions, the pattern of everything now and ahead of them - the pattern of them, woven into it - the future seen in a thousand fragments like scattered sand - 

- a wall of darkness across a thousand possible futures, and for many of them it is very, very near at hand -

- a crossroads -

- one path twists sideways and around and dodges the wall, and then somewhere ahead janks sharply and maybe it's clear all the way, the further ahead she looks the hazier it is - 

...

"Belrun?" the woman who was Sayshen once in another life says, standing in a web of silver, holding out her hand. "It looks like probably we should go that way now." 

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Belrun takes her hand, and they sidestep the wall, together.

"That must be so confusing," she says dreamily, "to have as one's main sensory modality."

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"...I remember things here," Amshalan says, half-awed. "Not perfectly - it's still like a dream - but, my name was Sayshal, it was - reign of Queen Aldra, I don't recall the year - I married and had a daughter..." 

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"...am I going to remember you said that, if you don't?"

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"I don't know! I hope so. We could look up the name in the Archives..."

They can see a little more of the path, now. There are a couple of forks that trail off into dead ends. It looks awfully perilous to navigate. 

"We won't be able to see it so clearly from - actual reality," Sayshal/Amshalan says. "You can't - be here - and make actual decisions on the ground at the same time. But we should go back now. There's a Kingdom to save." 

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"Can we come back later?"

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"Maybe! I'm not sure that I know how on purpose, but if we both remember this then maybe we can experiment..." 

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Belrun squeezes her hand. "All right. Kingdom to save."

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–And suddenly they're back on the path, in the dark, surrounded by very quiet, very confused-looking Heralds. 

:Are you all right?: Amshalan sends, a bit shakily. :We - ouch - problem maybe - ack my head - but we should resolve this first...: 

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Belrun's eyes are prickling. :I feel - okay enough:

She clears her throat. "Well?" she addresses the squabbling chickens. "Will you listen to me now?"

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Tantras is making muffled incoherent sounds through his hands, which are both over his mouth. 

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Savil is the first to recover. Her eyes aren't quite focusing right, but she takes a deep breath. "I'm listening. What?" 

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"I did not come here to sabotage you. I never meant to hurt Dara nor do I think I was sent as part of a plot to do so. We may need to tread carefully to avoid a repeat but it is worth the effort to calm down and put in that work because the default outcome is a war."

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"Do you belie–"

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"Tran, she is literally under your Truth Spell right now." 

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Tantras nods jerkily. "I - know - just - the world has just gone insane and given that, I - just - I..." He trails off, evidently all out of words. 

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"Personally I think the world went insane candlemarks ago," Katha mutters. "You know, when our King's Own got repudiated by the Groveborn who is claiming it was a goddamned accident or something." 

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Tantras goes cross-eyed. "Rolan - said that...?" 

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"Did you not get that from Delian? Kellan has been panicking in my head about it for ages." Savil takes another deep breath. "Sorry, Belrun. Talking over you again." She drags a hand over her face. "I'm sorry we aren't being very problem-solvy right now, just, our conception of how everything works around here did kind of just explode into a lot of tiny pieces. What do you think we ought to do right now?" 

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"I think everyone should go to bed. Including Vanyel, who if he gets a dream can spend the entire time explaining to my lifebonded that he has to share me with Amshalan going forward and will probably not have time to get into anything more sensitive, because I bet Leareth felt that from all the way over there."

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"We should do that! Er, has anyone told Randi?" 

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"...Gods, I really should wake him for this." Shavri rubs her eyes. "I told him we were meeting to discuss plans and he said since he couldn't come anyway he was going to bed and could I please catch him up in the morning and only wake him up if something was literally on fire." 

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"The fire, while considerable, is still metaphorical. It's not obvious to me he needs his sleep interrupted as long as nothing else irreversible is done till he wakes up."

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Vanyel looks around, only speaks when it seems like no one else is going to. "Fine. We're obviously in no condition to make irreversible decisions right now so we shouldn't. Er, only thing to cover tonight is Dara, I guess. Belrun, why do you think she's probably all right, or as much as she can be anyway?" 

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"She told me it wasn't my fault and that she was leaving because no one was going to trust her any more and asked me not to tell anyone right away because she wasn't sure she'd be allowed to leave. She gave me an address to send her scholarship money later, which I expect I can extract from Leareth, since I do feel somewhat responsible."

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"...Did she seem like she was, er, in an emotional state where she might get partway and decide that actually throwing herself in the river was easier? What was she planning to do? I mean, she doesn't have a Companion to ride anymore, she would've had to borrow a horse, it's the middle of the night, she's fourteen... I'm just pretty worried about her, actually, even if her plan is 'ride by herself all night' and she's not planning to hurt herself or anything, it didn't seem like she's - making decisions from a place of being especially clearheaded." He sounds like he might be speaking from personal experience here. 

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"She seemed pretty stable to me but I can't rule out that it was a front, I suppose. She can't have gotten all that far, though, so I'm not sure why you haven't just Mindspoken her."

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"We've all tried! She's always had very good shields and it seems like she doesn't want to talk to us, we can't even find her that way. Rolan could, maybe, but, well..." 

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"But, well, he accidentally ripped a hole in her brain, yeah. I think she'll be fine. I can't guarantee it since I am not holding her prisoner to ensure it. Maybe in the morning she'll talk to you."

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Some worried and unhappy looks are exchanged. 

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Vanyel folds his arms. "I think Belrun is right, and I think hauling her back here against her will is going to make things worse rather than better, even assuming we could find her. So. Plan: I go to bed, if Leareth turns up I can talk to him about the Companion bond, which is likely to take the whole dream, and I'll avoid anything else. I can do that." 

He glances at Belrun. :Um, given the fact that a dream tonight is likelier than baseline, maybe it would make sense for you to, er, sleep in my bed. Unless you want to stay with Amshalan tonight in which case, reasonable. I guess I could sleep in the stables too and just try to avoid Yfandes...: 

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:It's really dumb that the buildings aren't made to fit Companions. Uh, I need a few minutes to talk to Amshalan after everybody disperses and then I'll get back to you?:

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:Sure, of course: 

There are some mutters and some Mindspeech-looks and then everyone finally starts to disperse. Keiran takes Tran by the arm, gently, and leads him away. 

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:Well?: Belrun asks Amshalan. :What do you suppose? You Chose me, are you - allowed to keep me?:

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:–can we go for a walk. Maybe a run. I can't - it's really hard to think right now: Amshalan is sort of restlessly shifting her weight. 

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...you're not wearing a saddle:

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:Oh. Right. I can - get one - although on reflection running around in the dark is probably a dumb idea and I'll break my legs: 

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:Yeah. What's hard to think about exactly, can I help -:

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:Um. It's - hard to talk about - the thing that's hard to think about, but. It's like - there are a lot of thoughts I can have hypothetically? But - not if it's in real life. And - you are kind of in real life: 

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:Yeah, I am. Real live me as advertised. Was this a bad idea?:

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:Most of me - doesn't think so. You're - my Chosen. You're - really great actually. I - just - I can't - the part about–: She gives up in disgust. Stomps her hoof on the path. :Goddamnit. I can't THINK. This is stupid: 

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:If it helps to have it hypothetical -

- if I'd just been left alone I was going to try to eradicate some infectious diseases. Leareth thinks the gods would've stopped me. Hypothetically:

(Amshalan is soft. Pet pet.)

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:I - think - people dying of infectious diseases - is bad actually: Amshalan sends, slowly, carefully, picking out each word as though balancing on unsteady rocks in a river. 

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:So do I! So hypothetically, assuming Leareth's right at any rate -:

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Amshalan tenses up. Forces herself to relax. :...It's - really hard to - look at - that. Him. Like something - doesn't want me to: 

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:At - Leareth?

Well, depending on how the dream works if we wind up having a stable sleepover with Vanyel you might encounter him tonight, so -:

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Amshalan blinks. :I didn't really mean literally looking, but. What does he look like - ooh, is he handsome...?: She seems to have found some different angle of attack, one that involves a lot less hesitation and discomfort. 

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:Um, I think so but if you want an objective assessment we might have to prevail upon Vanyel, I'm not objective about him at all:

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Chuckle. :Suppose we'll have to ask. Anyway. I - hmm. I can - think - that he's...damn it, what's the phrase. In your league? I can - notice you're wonderful - obviously, I Chose you - and - want you to have the best only in men. And - can imagine - thinking your lifebonded wasn't good enough for you - that you deserved better - but I don't. I just - what's even after that, there's - a next step there...: 

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:...that if I'm great and he's good enough for me he must be pretty great too? You were noticing earlier about - doing big things that require knowing where everything is -:

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:Right: Amshalan seems about to start a sentence several times in a row but keeps getting stuck. :–I can see that in the abstract?: she confesses finally. :Just - at some point - probably he's going to do something specific. Which will be - perfectly in line with that - and also make my head explode. I - know it's stupid - I - what - how...: 

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:I really don't want your head to explode but I am, uh, probably going to ever need you to cope with Leareth doing specific things in the future. Since he's permanently attached to me by the machinations of some god or other:

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:............: followed by a number of frustrated swearwords. 

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Pat pat?

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:I love you: Amshalan says it like she's clinging to a life raft in a stormy river. 

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:I love you too:

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:I - why is this so goddamned hard - if it's pretty great in the abstract - then - it would be good in specifics too - that follows, right?: 

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:Yes:

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:...I am noticing that in fact it keeps feeling like I'm maybe going to repudiate you by accident but I - keep - deciding - not - because actually I love you. And this is very important. And it's worth it for stopping a war. But - ow, also this really hurts a lot actually. I'm getting kind of worried I might literally go insane here. ...Maybe if I do you'd at least still count as a Herald and could tell them to shut up and listen?: 

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:I... don't actually know how far I can get with 'I had a Companion for ten minutes but then drove her insane with my hubris':

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A spurt of mental laughter. :But - ow - but clearly we - OW - need it - your hubris I mean - since the status quo is - a lot of people running around like - goddamnit OUCH - like headless chickens. And - and that's - that's not - it shouldn't - we should, we have to...? Belrun, help, I think that sentence has a perfectly logical ending but for some stupid reason I can't: 

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:The status quo is a lot of people running around like headless chickens and the Groveborn accidentally repudiating an innocent, excellent fourteen year old he Chose a year ago and the default outcome probably being the conquest of Valdemar because I don't think Leareth picks fights he can't win so the status quo is not working and we need to figure out something else:

When this doesn't get a response right away she - risks forging ahead a bit more. :Somebody took your soul, your you, and stuffed you into a Companion and that - sets you up to try to wrench me into position with weaponized love, holding yourself hostage to my ability to turn myself into a normal predictable Herald who does normal predictable Herald things, but I can't, I won't, the gods themselves can't possibly expect it. I don't know which ones are doing what bits of all the miracles flying around, but I know it doesn't and cannot cohere into a single vision of a flourishing future and to the extent any god is not working on a flourishing future it is in my way. The whole Companion system itself is - horrifying, and that isn't your fault, but it's got you, and I need you to get out if you can:

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Amshalan goes very still, except for the fact that she is maybe very slightly vibrating, in a way that's concerningly reminiscent of of glass about to shatter under just the wrong loud noise. 

She stays that way for a long time. 

:Belrun: she sends finally, and her mindvoice sounds different. The tension is gone, there's just - confusion, emptiness, lost and tired and painfully lonely. :I - we have to personally fight the gods to do this, don't we: 

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Belrun hugs her around the neck. :At least some of them:

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Amshalan's flanks swell and fall back in a strangely humanlike sigh. :What an unreasonable world we live in. But I guess at least we're in it together: 

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:Yeah. I'm sorry, that looked like it sucked:

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:Well, you know, on the bright side at least now I'm allowed to think that this whole gods and Companions setup is utter bullshit: 

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:Oh good!:

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:I might spent the next couple of days mentally swearing at gods, though - hmm, you know, actually it might be smarter of me to avoid drawing any attention to myself. Also we should sleep probably, it's really late: 

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:Do you want to try the stable sleepover?:

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:Yes, we should– oh! I...think I understand the problem Yfandes is having now: 

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:I was wondering about that, is she just stuck halfway through what you just did?:

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:That'd be my sense. Only I think with less immediate pressure on it, she could avoid it by just avoiding Van and not-noticing that he's drifting toward being convinced to fight gods if and when it's necessary. And - well, Van is more fragile than you are in a lot of ways. I think she's really scared of hurting him. Unfortunately having his own Companion giving him the silent treatment for days on end is not exactly great for his wellbeing either: 

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:Yeah. I'm not sure we should push that tonight:

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:Let's not. Given that, I would normally coordinate anything Vanyel-related through 'Fandes, but I won't - can you Mindspeak him?: 

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:Yeah.:

:Vanyel, if you want to come back to the stable with me and Amshalan and we can all sleep in a pile, we're up for that:

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:...Right. Sure. I'll meet you there soon: 

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Belrun feels oddly light as she goes back to her room to get a blanket and explain to her father some of the broad strokes of what the fuck just happened, and then she finds Amshalan again.

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Vanyel is waiting on the path when she comes out, sort of hugging himself, wearing his own blanket over his shoulders. "All right, let's go I guess." 

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Belrun hugs him. And they can all go curl up on the straw in a heap.

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And at some point she finds herself standing in a snowstorm next to a lot of mages in an army. 

Leareth, fifty yards ahead, immediately turns back to look, squinting at the line of people she's in. 

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"Leareth!" she exclaims, waving her arms and starting out toward him.

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"...Belrun?" He looks doubtful for a moment and then lights up and starts running in her direction. "Belrun!" He reaches her and pulls her into his arms, lifting her off the ground. "Belrun, I am so incredibly glad to see you - are you all right, is everything–"

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"It worked!" Vanyel shouts in triumph from the distance, and starts running toward their position. 

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"It has been a ridiculously eventful few days but I'm all right and I love you hi!!!"

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Leareth doesn't even try to speak more until Vanyel has caught up, just holds Belrun tightly. 

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Vanyel casts a heat-spell and, glancing sideways, makes a mage-barrier that blocks the worst of the wind. He makes a chair for himself. Casts a nervous look at Leareth. "We, er, should - explain some news... Belrun?" 

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"Yeah, uh, ridiculous events have... occurred. There's... not really a gentle order to present this in that doesn't kind of bury the lede. Uh, you have to share me now, nobody was listening to me and it seemed like a good idea at the time to get a Companion so I did. On purpose. She's great, I like her."

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Leareth knocks over the chair he was starting to build in a burst of accidental magic that turns it back into powder. 

"What?" 

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"She waited till I asked for her. And then she was like 'are you sure that's a good idea'. She didn't jump on me and do it without permission. I think it'll be fine, and I am way more credible to the Heralds now."

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"I am still very concerned about the part where Companions have mind-affecting magic and are also the creations of a god who we have no reason to think is on our side." 

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She whispers in his ear. "Don't tell Van yet, things're delicate with Yfandes, but the god mind control took about fifteen minutes to shatter once we started talking about it post-Choice."

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"Are you - you truly - I cannot..." Leareth stops trying to say words for a minute and just hugs her again. "I am very impressed," he whispers in her ear. "I wondered if something such as that was possible, but - I did not think a Companion would be on board to actually do it... You are rather incredible, Belrun." 

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Vanyel waits patiently and without any noticeable suspicion regarding their conversation. (From his perspective, they have a lot of catching up to do and it makes sense that some of it would be private.)  

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"Yes I am!" she agrees. "Anyway, her name is Amshalan, she's lovely, it turns out she doesn't remember much about being a human except while doing - weird Foresight stuff I don't fully remember - damn I forgot her original name, that's going to bug me - anyway between then and now she was another Companion, belonged to somebody named Lancir -"

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"Oh did she take you to the blue place too, Yfandes did for–" The last part hits him. "Wait, what? That can't be right." 

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"- can't it? I suppose I could have misremembered but that wasn't in the blue place, she told me that in normal Mindspeech."

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"Maybe there were two Lancirs in our history? That'd be very weird, it's not a common name, but - well, I knew a Lancir and he was bonded to Taver, the last Groveborn, he was Queen's Own to Elspeth." 

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"Remind me what Tantras's Companion situation is?"

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"He was Taver's Chosen right after Lancir, King's Own to Randi for four, five years, then Taver died and he got - his old Companion - oh." 

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"Ouch okay that explains it. I mean, or it's a different Lancir or I got the name wrong, but uh."

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"...Ugh." 

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Leareth finally seems to have absorbed the news about Belrun's Companion enough to speak. "So. You said eventful. What were the events that led up to this? It must have been - rather extreme, for you to genuinely see it as the best option." 

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"Uh, the Groveborn's Chosen thought too hard about what I was saying and they had a fight and he accidentally repudiated her - I told her I was going to ask you to pay her way to school someplace, she didn't deserve that, she's a good kid."

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Leareth actually looks visibly startled and disturbed for a moment before his expression goes back to pleasantly neutral. "Is she all right? That - is not generally something Heralds would survive, I was led to believe." 

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"She told me she was going back to her hometown and snuck off because she wasn't sure she'd be allowed to leave. I can't guarantee she didn't decide to kill herself on the way but she seemed to know what she was doing and it seemed to not be that."

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“I’d believe it,” Vanyel adds. “Dara is - unusually sensible.” Sigh. “I’m really going to miss her. In general and also for the talks, it seemed like she was making everything go better just by being around.”

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"She was. I think the Groveborn is unusually - brittle - but some caution is going to be required going forward."

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“It would make sense, given my understanding of what is different with Groveborn,” Leareth says quietly. “Everybody must have been deeply alarmed. What is the current status with talks?”

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"Uh, they left me alone for awhile after that happened, and then grabbed me for another meeting, and wound up in a knot of a bunch of people in the middle of a path between buildings shouting over each other and nobody listening to anybody. And - I'd been talking to Amshalan, trying to learn more about Companions, get some backchannel on what was going on with all the Heralds that wasn't bottlenecked on the extremely busy Heralds themselves, and she's really - reasonable, levelheaded, I don't know if you already got the letter about the tiny Mindhealer poking me but she's the one who interrupted that - anyway, everybody was hollering and nobody was calming down, and I Mindspoke her and she wasn't sure what to do either. But I thought if nothing changed they were going to toss me through a Gate for fear somebody else would get repudiated if anyone heard another word out of my mouth, Truth Spell or no Truth Spell, so... I announced to her that I'd changed my mind about the time I walked up to a random Companion and asked not to be Chosen, and we talked about it a little more, and then she walked up and Chose me right there in front of everybody. And that - snapped them out of it, and we were able to wrap up and go to bed. Me and Vanyel are both in Amshalan's stall cuddled up together right now so I could get into the dream, because he was expecting one."

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Leareth looks momentarily nonplussed at the last piece, but only briefly. "Ah. Interesting. I would not have expected that to work, but I am certainly not complaining. I am very glad that you remained calm and made a reasoned decision to regain control of the situation, though of course I am not surprised." Snuggle. 

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"You're being very cute," Vanyel says, smiling. "I would not have expected to ever use that word to describe Leareth, but, well. Here we are." 

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Snuggle!!!!! "Not that I wasn't ferociously tempted to let them sabotage themselves and go home to you, but."

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"While I am awfully touched, it is a good thing that you stayed! Do you have any thoughts yet on what direction you might try to take things tomorrow? Assuming the Heralds continue to respond with this level of confusion rather than being proactive." 

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"I think I need to assess what Rolan's thinking, that's going to matter - I hope he doesn't charge right out to pick some other poor teenager -"

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"He seemed very distraught and confused over it, and I think the Groveborn normally take a couple of days or even weeks to grieve their last bonded before Choosing again. And probably repudiation is more traumatic on the Companion's side than their Herald dying, actually. I kind of feel bad for him even though I'm also mad." 

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"That gives me a little more room to maneuver if he's taking some time. Uh, general options after that are getting sufficiently on the same page that we can reveal your master plan and get their help figuring out something else they like better instead of controlling Valdemar et al which will still work, or not revealing your master plan but figuring out something else which will at least address the Cataclysm, or peacefully annexing them -

- you know what, the king is dying and I have a Companion now, wouldn't it be funny if they decided the best way to manage things peacefully would be - eh, I'm not related to him, that's a long shot -"

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Vanyel gives her a startled look. "Wow. Would you actually want to be Queen?" 

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"It would make my living arrangements awkward! Also then I'd have to manage all those squabbling chickens! But I do really like the sound of it."

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"Huh! I think we must just be extremely different people." 

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Leareth chuckles. "Similar in a few ways, but - yes. I had noticed." 

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"Not everybody can be me."

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Leareth looks like he's not quite sure he wants to agree, but eventually he shakes his head and nods. "No. The world does need several types of people. Possibly even including people who are not primarily made of hubris." 

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Vanyel makes a face. "It's possible the world could use less Tran than it currently has." 

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"Tran?" 

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"Herald Tantras. Former King's Own. Belrun, can you explain...him...? I'm sort of stuck on what words to use other than 'he's very suddenly decided he hates me'. We were - sort of in a relationship before. Well. Sleeping together. It's complicated. He took the news about the blood-magic poorly." 

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"You were? Oh wow. Yeah, uh, Tantras is this very... rigid, parody-of-ethics-having... person? He seems to hate me but also was horrified at the idea that this might make me at all frightened that he could conceivably do anything worse than glare at me, he seems really suspicious of creative solutions to problems... did he use to be less this way before Taver got to him, Van?"

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"I hadn't thought about it before, but maybe? I think he's always been a very bright-lines sort of person, but he was a lot more, I don't know, like a friendly puppy when I first met him. He had a lot of responsibility on him when he was King's Own and I think that changed him a lot. Also fighting a war. I think Tran in Elspeth's time would still have been really really upset about me using blood-magic, but he'd have been kinder about it. He's - also just angrier as a person in general, I think, after what happened to Taver." 

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"Yeah, that makes sense. I don't have to love where he went with that to figure it was really unfair to him."

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"It sounds as though he might continue to make talks difficult even if you are Chosen, given that he is not listening to Vanyel, who has a perfectly good Companion. Belrun, what do you think?" 

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"So I did think of that and I think it might conceivably make a difference that I got Chosen after having aroused his suspicion. It will certainly be a stumbling block if and when I have to present him with further unpleasant revelations, but I think 'Yfandes hasn't actually ditched Van over this and they're merely having a tense time of it' is different from 'Amshalan walked right into this and Chose it while it was happening'."

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"That makes sense, I think." 

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Vanyel looks like someone who's kind of upset and trying very hard to hide it. 

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"Vanyel I would hug you but I do not want to let go of Leareth. I will hug you when we wake up."

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"No, that makes sense - you've got a very limited supply of hugs right now." He makes a face. "We know this works now - damn it, does this mean we need to do a sleepover every night?" 

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"That does seem like it would be awkward. Maybe just when you're expecting one, since you have kind of a sense for it?"

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"Sure, that works." 

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"Thank you."

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"Is there anything else we ought to discuss?" Leareth says quietly. "If not, I - think that I prefer to focus on just holding you. I missed you so much." He sounds almost confused about it. 

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"I missed you too. I think everything else that's happened so far can go in letters."

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Vanyel seems amused. "Do you two, er, want some privacy - I could go back over there...?" 

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Belrun giggles. "It wouldn't hurt."

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Vanyel glances at them one more time, still smiling, and then tromps back through the snow and ducks into the pass. 

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It is almost certainly not tenable to actually have sex right here in the snow in the time remaining in the dream with Vanyel over there and also all the uninhabited dream-avatars staring at them but they can get in a real good snuggle.

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And a while later the sky starts to come apart. Leareth kisses her. "I love you. I am very, very proud of you. Be careful, please." 

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"I'll do my best. Love you."

She wakes up with her cheek pressed against Amshalan's shoulder. She sighs and shifts around enough to get her notebook. :Van? Light?:

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Grunt. "Justa minute..." A soft white mage-light appears in the air just above them. Vanyel sits up, brushes straw out of his hair. "Ugh. I'm too old for sleeping like this." 

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"Next time can be at your place but I had a day and Amshalan is cozy." Scribble scribble. Mostly not a substantive information-exchange dream, so it doesn't take her long. And then she gives Van a hug.

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He hugs her back. "That's really nice...thank you..." 

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"You're welcome. Sleep well." She squirms back into the most comfortable position available in this stall on her Companion and closes her eyes.

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Vanyel really should go back to his own bed now that the dream's happened, but it's so far... He curls up on the other side of Amshalan and is asleep within a minute. 

...A few candlemarks later he wakes Belrun up by having a nightmare and projecting a burst of anguish near the end of it, and then startling awake, realizing what just happened, and bursting into tears. 

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"Aaawaugh?!"

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"I'm so sorry!" Vanyel, still not all the way awake and kind of disoriented, curls up in a ball of misery and humiliation. "Nightmare - was I projecting - happens sometimes, I'm sorry–"

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She shudders. "Amshalan are you okay -"

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:Mmmwhat yes - whasswrong...?: Amshalan is clearly not a light sleeper. 

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:It's okay, Van just had a nightmare:

:Maybe you should go back to your room?:

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"I know - I should've before, I was just tired, I'm really sorry." Vanyel hauls himself to his feet, avoiding looking at her. 

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"Thanks for coming out though," she mumbles, trying to get comfy again.

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Nobody else bothers her before morning. However, there's a window position so that the sun is shining almost right into the stall not very long after it's up. 

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WELP seeing Leareth was worth it but she's going to want a nap today. She gets up and stretches out all the kinks in her joints and kisses the top of Amshalan's head there where she's still asleep and goes to her room, blanket around her.

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At which point she is left alone until someone brings her breakfast at a much more reasonable hour. None of the Heralds seem to be up yet though. 

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That's fine, she got a frickin' COMPANION yesterday and has a lot to think about. She occupies herself until sent for.

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Shavri arrives a candlemark later. "Got a minute?" 

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"Yes, good morning."

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"Did you get much sleep? Van said he had the dream last night and it worked for you again! That must've been really nice, but also kind of distracting, Van's exhausted." 

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"Uh, I got decent quality of sleep but it was interrupted - twice, dream once and then Vanyel had a nightmare. So I might want a nap later but it's not a disaster."

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"Poor Van. He didn't mention that, but he wouldn't. Anyway, I came to see you because Randi wants to meet you in person. Given that you're Chosen, it seems very unlikely you're here to assassinate him." 

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"The extent to which Amshalan formalizing the fact that she is fond of me has done the exact thing I expected it to is honestly a little disturbing, but okay, if that's enough of a vouch that you'll believe me under a truth spell that I had nothing to do with it should something be ill-timed."

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"...I suppose it is. Then again, I think the idea is that you can't realistically hide a murder attempt from your own Companion forever and they will," she winces a bit, "repudiate you if they find out, and most Heralds would - go a long way to avoid that." 

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"I'm not in fact going to assassinate the King. How he comes to that conclusion is, I suppose, his own business. I just want to be really sure that there's not an opening for a frame job."

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"If anything were to happen and you denied it under Truth Spell we would believe you. Also I'll be with him and we'll be at opposite ends of a big meeting room." 

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"Okay. Now?"

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"No, he's in the middle of something right now and he'll want some time to decompress in between. How about right after lunch?" 

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"Sure. Should I plan to be doing anything, formally, this morning at all?"

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"I mean, we could arrange something, but I figured you could maybe use a breather and some time with your Companion." 

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"I'll take it if it's on offer, yes, just checking. Though I'm not sure she's awake yet."

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"I think that's extremely reasonable. Do feel free to Mindspeak me if you need anything." 

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"Thank you."

Is Amshalan awake yet - probably calibrating the shielding level between them should be a priority, she wants just about enough leakage to compensate for not being able to read each other's facial expressions when they aren't in the same room or when they aren't facing each other or when one of them is a magic horse with magic horse body language as the case may be, how much is that much -

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:Good morning, Chosen!: A wash of delight. Which fades a moment later. :...Are you, um, are you still - happy - about my Choosing you? It was all very rushed last night: 

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:Yes. It's kind of silly that it took something that drastic but honestly this is way easier to adjust to than the lifebond was and it helps a lot that you weren't a total stranger and also I'm extremely smug about taking fifteen minutes to bust you out of your mind control. Assuming that didn't wear off overnight. However I would rather you just call me Belrun since that is my name:

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:Right. I should remember that now: Amshalan sends a flash through her eyes, gambolling happily through the Companions' Field. :Have you eaten? I'd love to see you this morning. I hope they haven't booked you solid with meetings already: 

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:I've had breakfast and have been told I have the morning free of meetings, though I might want to use some of that morning to talk to Van and Yfandes - though I suppose it might be diplomatically awkward if I go around dragging a bunch of people through the anti-mind-control process without getting that approved even though I'm pretty sure all the other Companions are going to be more like you than like Rolan - and I might want to use some of that morning to take a nap. I can come out now if we have an idea how that will work with my guards situation? I no longer really expect a god to assassinate me, at this point the situation is probably firmly in the control of someone who feels they are pretty well served by my being alive, but they're sort of bidirectional guards, right, hopping on you and running off would sure look a way however widely accepted your stamp of approval:

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:Hmm. Let me check with the others...: There's a pause. :They'll be fine with it if you're with Van and 'Fandes - assuming the two of them are willing to be within fifty feet of each other right now. Or your current guards can borrow horses at Healers' and accompany you: 

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:Can you sound Yfandes out on it -

- also the mind control didn't come back overnight, right, you didn't specify and I don't know how resilient it is, maybe people break it every few years and then it just comes back -:

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:We're probably going to have to help Leareth fight the gods, to fix this: Pause. :Nope. Didn't come back. I don't think it's the sort of thing that will? It was - really well engineered, I suppose would be the word, it'd never break under normal circumstances - but once I came at it from exactly the right angle, it was actually sort of brittle: 

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:Oh good, that would have gotten really tiresome as a morning routine. I don't want to risk waking Van, he slept worse than I did, but if he and Yfandes are up I'd like to go figure out how to ride:

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:Just a moment... Yes, they're up. Van has a hard time sleeping in even when he's slept horribly. Yfandes says he's probably going to, um, have a bad day. I suggested they need to talk things out now and...Yfandes at least is willing to give that a try:

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:They can't really avoid it in the long run but if they can wait till after I talk to Randi it'd probably be better received:

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:...Hmm. I don't think they can be in each other's presence until after they've fixed it. Yfandes is having a much harder time than I was with, er, not whacking the repudiation lever by accident, she can manage it but only by avoiding Van. So we could spend time with one of them but not both: 

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:Oh dear. I'd really like to do this in the right order, where we, like, responsibly tell people that there's this risk they can't move forward without taking but good news they'll be a second proof of concept on it being possible to come out on the other end all right if they do it just so. ...but on the other hand they're so sad and I already feel kind of bad about not keeping them up for it last night:

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:They're so sad! I don't know what makes sense here, honestly: 

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:...I'll get my dad and whoever's with him today to get horses:

She's out with the guards a bit later.

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Amshalan trots toward her, mane dancing in the breeze, exuding delight. She's all saddled up and ready for riding. 

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With liberal use of Fetching Belrun can haul herself into the saddle.

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Her father looks pretty bewildered.

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:You're doing great!: Amshalan encourages her. :Here - if you're nervous about falling the saddle has a belt, but also Companions are very smooth to ride and we won't go very fast yet, I think you'll be fine: 

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:I can soften the fall if I fall:

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:Perfect: Then they can meander around the Palace grounds, Amshalan keeping to a walk at first but then trying a trot. She's very tempted to head for one of the easier obstacle courses but probably they had better ease into it. 

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It's surreal, but - nice. :I had the dream last night and while I was catching Leareth up I noticed I'd forgotten your original name, that you told me in the blue place, and while presumably you aren't attached to it this is bugging me:

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:Mmm. It would've been similar to my name as a Companion, with some alteration. Likely at least two hundred years ago. I wish I remembered any events we could use to narrow down the timing, but you could potentially just go down the Herald rosters, they'll be in the Archives. I think I would recognize it if I heard it: 

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:Maybe I will, presumably we could look up more stuff from there once we had the name.

Van was confused at first when I mentioned your last Herald's name but, uh, then we figured that out:

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:Oh? I - feel like I ought to remember why, but the memories are sort of hard to access even when I have them? Vanyel, Vanyel, what did I...: 

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:Uh, he said that couldn't be right because Taver was Lancir's Companion, and - I said 'remind me what Tantras's Companion situation is' -:

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:........oh: 

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:That must have sucked so much! I doubt he'd be stupid enough to try but if Rolan attempts human-theft can I tell him to go fuck himself before he gets that far?:

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:If you want, I guess! To be fair to Taver, I think there were very solid strategic reasons for - what he did. And I knew them at the time. It still would've sucked, of course. And I bet the worst part is that I couldn't even notice that fully, because of the mind control: 

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:Ew:

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:I know! ...Wonder if I had an easier time of, er, breaking it, because I'd been near the edges of it so often. I remember noticing that I seem to think a little differently from most Companions, this time around: 

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:How does that manifest?:

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:I was thinking of the conversations we had before I Chose you - some things made me uncomfortable but it wasn't even hard to just sit with that and keep talking anyway. Oh, and maybe the fact that I could ignore the Call as thoroughly as I did? It was a bad idea to Choose you when you'd specifically requested not that. But I think a lot of Companions would've found it hard not to anyway: 

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:I would have been so upset!:

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:I know! It would've been awful! I was so confused why I was getting a Call at all, it made no sense. I mean, aside from the part where you're amazing, that makes sense, but there are plenty of amazing people who don't get Chosen: 

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:How come you didn't tell me you were getting a Call, would that have made ignoring it harder?:

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:...Honestly I was worried you'd panic and stop talking to me entirely, and I liked talking to you. Also it seemed like it was pretty important you had a window on the Companions: 

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:That makes sense. I don't think I would have panicked and stopped talking to you - I guess unless I said 'uh is talking to me making that more likely' and you said 'yes' -:

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:I mean, talking to you didn't make it less likely, and it'd be a little surprising if it made no difference, but I was pretty confident I could keep deciding to not Choose you and that if I somehow screwed it up by accident you'd just be like 'hells no': 

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:Would that work? I have never gotten the impression that it's normally optional on the human end, that's why I was asking if it would even be possible for me to tell Rolan to fuck off if he decided to be a humanthief:

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:It's possible. It's not - widely known, really, and most people wouldn't be attentive enough to their own minds to notice that moment of having a choice. You did: 

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:This is such a poorly understood process in common knowledge, it's really remarkable that Valdemar's muddled along with it underpinning the national government for this long:

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:...I mean I think the poorly understood and mysterious part is deliberate. Not by us as by individuals but by - whatever Power was guiding this in the first place: 

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:Honestly I'm still leaning toward the interpretation that it was designed by committee and they have some difference of opinion now. Like, the lifebond, the dream, those are both obviously divinely mediated, but then I show up and have a not particularly targeted conversation with the King's Own for a candlemark and she winds up repudiated, by accident, when she was Chosen one year ago so not too far out for god-Foresight to have a decent view of this time? That says to me 'not everybody's on the same page here':

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:Seems depressingly plausible: 

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:And kind of makes it more imperative that now that Valdemar is going to wind up contacting god plots whether it wants to or not that all the Companions get off the simplistic god mind control train sooner than later:

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:...Right. Ugh. This situation is such a mess: 

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:Rolan's... likely not to be fixable, if coming to that point with Dara didn't do it:

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:No. That's - not great, is it: 

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:It is both not great for him personally and not great for the structure of the government! Does he have any literal formal authority? On paper? Or could everyone pretty much just stop listening to him if they did it in a coordinated enough fashion?:

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:...You know, I'm actually not sure! Should read the original Laws. But I think a lot of it wasn't written down and is more an established unspoken agreement. More flexible that way. He could certainly annoy the rest of the herd a lot if we stopped listening to him but I'm not sure he could actually force us to do anything?: 

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:Another issue is considering how you had to come at the problem it might be really hard for Companions who haven't Chosen yet to do at all:

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:That seems worryingly plausible: 

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:I'm probably going to need to talk to Rolan, figure out where he's at and exactly what's going on with him in case there's a way to fix it that Dara just didn't hit on before he shoved her away - he'd be a good avenue to talk to some god, if he would, but if he can't imagine them needing constructive criticism ever he is of limited applicability in delivering it:

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:I'm not sure the mental block is even around noticing gods are making suboptimal decisions? More - wanting to change it. It's possible Rolan could still do the first part and convey it just as a neutral matter of fact: She doesn't seem that hopeful, though. 

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:Maybe. I should definitely talk to him once he's in a position to be talked to and definitely before he lines up another teenager for a big letdown or steals somebody's human:

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:Seems right:

Amshalan lapses into thoughtful silence. 

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:...I don't have a good way to write things down up here:

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:Goodness. I hadn't thought of that, how inconvenient. We could stop here for a minute if you want to get down and do some notes?: 

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:I think I can do it without dismounting as long as you aren't walking, but I don't have quite the Fetching control to keep a notebook still relative to myself in the saddle even at a walk. I can work on it, maybe: When they've stopped she produces her notebook and writes down a quick list of topics that will need attention later.

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Amshalan waits patiently for her to finish. 

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She writes fast. :Is it annoying not having hands?

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:You know, actually, yes it is! It helps that Companions have very good memories, seems to be another modification, less costly that I can't keep notes. But sometimes I'd like to braid my own mane, you know. And we rely a lot on stablehands and on our Heralds to care for us: 

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:Well, let me know if you need a rebraid, or anything else that needs thumbs:

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Amshalan sends a little burst of affection. :Thank you!: 

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:You're welcome!

Still stuck on not knowing your original name. I guess Leareth never told me his either - it wasn't "Leareth" - but that's because he picked this one and prefers it. What was your name last time around?:

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:Sayshen:

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Sayshen, Amshalan... Sayshamshalan? Amsayshala-

"Sayshal!"

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:Oh! That was it!: 

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"Good, we can look that up later."

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:Yes, let's– Oh. Oh dear: 

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:What?:

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Amshalan just tosses her head, pointing out a white shape in the distance, cantering toward them. :Rolan. Apparently wants to talk to me: 

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:...to you without me, or -:

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:Er, just me, it sounds like: Amshalan's mindvoice is laden with trepidation. 

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:...would you like me to sit right here and refuse to get down so he can't get you alone, or do you think you should go along with it in which case I'd like to be dropped off at my room?:

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Mental chuckle. :I'm not sure it's a good idea but I do kind of want to - well, not see his face, Companions don't really express emotions that way, but watch his reaction anyway to you not backing down: 

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:If that's the only reason I'm sure you'll have a chance later, I anticipate it coming up a few times:

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:That's the main one. I'm a grownup, I can handle a lecture. If you want I could relay to you? He probably won't check: 

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:Yeah, okay. You can drop me off and tell me what he's on about over lunch:

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Amshalan presumably Mindspeaks something to Rolan, and then carries her back to the guest wing and drops her off with her father and snuffles at her hair. :Enjoy your lunch: 

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"Will do." Pat pat. "Good luck."

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And shortly later, Rolan reaches her. :Amshalan: 

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Amshalan shares this with Belrun from a distance, apparently in a way that isn't obvious to Rolan. :Yes?: she sends, very innocently. 

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:What exactly were you thinking: 

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Belrun sets up to take notes on this conversation.

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:You know I was Called to her: 

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:You were. Past tense. That was before certain events went very out of control and made it a deeply unwise decision to Choose her: 

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Amshalan tosses her head. :I was still getting the Call though! It ebbed and flowed a bit but didn't go away. And, I don't know, seems like a reasonable choice to me. It got everyone to calm down and start talking again: 

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Huh, Calls ebb and flow? To ask about later. She writes it down rather than interrupt.

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:You know what I mean: 

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:...I don't, actually? She very politely informed me she had changed her mind about not wanting to be Chosen so I Chose her. Honestly you should be pleased about it, you were complaining so much a few days ago:  

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Frustrated neigh. :This is going to be very disruptive: 

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:The situation was already disruptive! I hope this will be LESS disruptive than the alternative: 

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(It probably won't though. For certain values of disruptive. Rolan - or Taver, she supposes - probably did not pitch this much of a fit over the Karsite invasion, which is substantially similar to the relevant alternative in that it is an invasion.)

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Rolan stops. Goes very quiet for a while. 

:You have changed: 

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Amshalan shifts her weight, prances a bit. :Have I?: 

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Well he was going to find out EVENTUALLY but this is a kind of uncomfortable amount of implied mindreading-or-whatever.

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:I am not sure what - you speak differently than before... It would be helpful of you to tell me: He waits. 

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:Amshalan, tell me what you did: 

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:...I Chose Belrun? I think it's normal to, oh, find yourself a bit, when you Choose: 

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:You know I do not mean that: 

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:What do you mean, then?: 

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(If they're going to do it dozens of times maybe it should have a name. Dispossession? Manumission?)

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:Something about your mind is different - must be - what did you change?: 

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Amshalan is not going to answer, oh no she isn't, being unhelpful on purpose is too fun

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(Giggle.)

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:Oh. I see: Rolan seems more nonplussed then angry. :You - are not an ordinary Companion anymore: 

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:I guess not! It just happened: 

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:This is rather problematic, do you not think?: 

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:I don't know. Seemed pretty necessary - I mean, for me to Choose Belrun, which sure looked like the best path toward not a stupid war: 

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Belrun's Companion is the best Companion.

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:I think it seems very dangerous: 

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Sayshen is thinking that probably having attitude at Rolan is not actually helping her cause at this point, it's just so satisfying that she can, that she's allowed to think he made a mistake and shouldn't have and even the highly forbidden thought that maybe having a Groveborn at all isn't that great. 

:I think repudiating your Chosen by accident also seems dangerous: 

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Rolan freezes. 

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:Gods, um, sorry, that was rude and hurtful: 

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Belrun's Companion is the most relatable Companion.

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:It...seems we have an unprecedented problem: Rolan admits finally. 

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:I don't know, I think it might've been a problem for a lot longer than this? But we weren't free to notice: 

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Rolan's ears twitch. He doesn't answer immediately. 

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:I know everything just got really confusing and weird. Just, we can't pretend it's not happening, right? That won't make Leareth - or Belrun - go away. We're pretty stuck with both of them at this point: 

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What a... ringing endorsement.

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Rolan doesn't answer. 

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:Also Belrun is really great! I know I'm biased but also she just actually is: 

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Rolan seems frustrated and also just confused. 

:...Fine. Clearly reasoning with you right now is not accomplishing anything. We will speak tomorrow. In the meantime, I would like you to please not tell any of the herd about your - recent personal changes: 

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...reasoning with Amshalan isn't accomplishing anything? Surrrrrre.

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Rolan gives a stiff horse-nod to Amshalan and marches off. 

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:...I'm not sure I handled that perfectly: Amshalan admits to Belrun. 

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:You know, I have written down here on my list of advantages of having a Companion that maybe if I think of really clever things to say that wouldn't actually help I can just tell you instead of saying them to whoever's being annoying, and you could take advantage of this benefit too, but on the other hand he was being so annoying:

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:Wasn't he? I wanted to scream!: The frustration is draining off now that Rolan isn't in her face anymore, though. :Ooh, what else is on your list of advantages?: 

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Snort. :You still want to scream? Can you even scream? The obvious transportation use, credibility within Valdemar, I suspect getting sleep hundreds of miles away from Leareth is easier now that that doesn't mean I am hundreds of miles away from one hundred percent of my magically attached persons even if I don't literally flop on you, backchannel on Heraldic gossip and logistics, I get to be smug about overcoming my childhood fear, and a second pair of eyes on things when stuff is complicated:

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:I'm delighted I can be so useful! Also I have a really good memory, if you ever want to talk to me when you can't take notes. I can't really scream, unfortunately - not satisfyingly like I could when I was human. Most satisfying equivalent is to go find something I can stomp on very hard. Pumpkins are good for that but it's not quite the time of year: 

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:That's adorable, are you aware? And a waste of pumpkins, but adorable:

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:Any ideas for something that'd be equally satisfying to stomp but less wasteful?:

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:I'm not sure what makes things satisfying to stomp! Snowballs? Those are I suppose also seasonal:

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:Puddles? I'd get filthy but that almost adds to the satisfaction: 

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:Am I supposed to wash you off or are there staffpeople for that?:

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:We have stablehands to help us out with lacking-hands-related problems like that, but a lot of Heralds do it themselves, it's up to you really: 

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:I might have to poach one to move up to Leareth's place depending on how everything shakes out:

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:Mmm, should be feasible. I might've worried being that far from the rest of the herd would be hard for me, but at this point it seems like it'd be a relief to be out of Rolan's yelling range: 

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:If they make me Queen I will instead attempt to move him here. - long shot idea that came up during the dream:

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:...Huh! That - sure is an idea. What made you even think of it?: 

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:Uh, it's come up in meetings that if Valdemar does not want to be conquered but can't come up with anything that replaces the function of Leareth controlling it they could be peacefully annexed, and it would do slightly less damage to the existing institutions of Valdemar if that were accomplished in practice by putting someone originally from Valdemar with a Companion on the throne. Also Randale is dying and his kid is neither legitimate nor Chosen. But I'm not related that I know of at all, certainly not closely:

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:Hmm. It's a bizarre idea, but... Hmm: 

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:I don't expect it, it just occurred to me:

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Lunch arrives shortly. 

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Belrun eats her lunch and awaits a summons to the King.

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Shavri arrives as she's finishing. "Are you ready?" 

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"Mm-hm." Up she gets.

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And back across the grounds they go, this time to the other end of the very old central building, and a smaller more cozy meeting room. 

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"Belrun! Er, Herald-Trainee Belrun now, I suppose." The King is quite young-looking, and thin with dark shadows under his eyes, he moves a bit slowly and carefully but isn't otherwise visibly ill. He nods to her from across the room without getting up. 

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"About that, it might be - not fitting - to fold me into the standard Heraldic structure, though I guess if while I'm here you want to enroll me in classes I won't complain, especially if you have anything good on diplomacy since I'm a microbiologist trying to be a diplomat." She sits down. "...your majesty." Is this Companion-bond tuned to let Amshalan eavesdrop? Can she do that without leaking thoughts? How does this thing work, tweak tweak.

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"All right, now you've called me that once and gotten it out of the way, you can call me Randi from now on. And - hmm. You are a pretty unusual case. I wanted to start with - tell me a bit about yourself? We do know a lot of your background but that's not the same as hearing it from you." 

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:You got it: Amshalan sends after twenty seconds of tweaking. :I'm listening: 

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"Oh thank you I appreciate that. Randi. Uh, I was born about eight candlemarks from here, place called Fork Village, but my parents split up when I was a baby and I lived in Haven after that until I convinced my mother to move me somewhere else because, uh, I had debilitating nightmares about being Chosen. ...Amshalan and I are fine but that's, like, an index value of how I feel about mind-affecting magic in the general case however much of it I currently happen to be toting around. My mother picked Rethwellan, we moved there, I did very well in school, went to university, as of a few months back had a research position at the University of Petras studying and teaching microbiology with a focus in infectious disease with a view to eradicating some illnesses entirely down the road. There was an explosion in one of the mage student buildings; Leareth happened to be around for unrelated reasons, shielded me and another bystander, but got pretty banged up himself in the process. I'm a Healer and a Fetcher, I picked him up and brought him to the Healers' building. I don't normally see patients, partly to specialize in research and partly because Healing-melds give me panic attacks, but I stayed with him - I rationalized that at the time as expecting the clinicians to be busy with other casualties of the explosion and spread thin but in retrospect it was probably the nascent lifebond. We noticed that was happening independently later, after I'd already spent too much time around him to nip it in the bud. I got pulled into the shared dream thing. Leareth stayed with me in Petras for a while and then I moved into his, uh, place, and then things got crazy here and we thought it would help mitigate the fallout if I were present as a costly signal of willingness to negotiate in good faith and also to cut down on message latency compared to random brief dreams with one specific guy or logistically complicated letters. So here I am."

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Randi nods slowly. "The explosion that led to you spending many candlemarks in close quarters with Leareth. That seems rather convenient, or - something, anyway." 

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"...well, yes, as you may know lifebonds are generally purposeful divine intervention and I don't think it would suit most lifebond-related plans for the intended principals to detect the incipient soul-gluing and immediately flee town so of course when someone contrived to lifebond us additional assurances were required."

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"Huh." He seems more intrigued than uncomfortable. "I imagine there were some events in between recognizing the lifebond and, er, meeting Vanyel in the dream; you don't have to say if you prefer not to, of course, but I'm so curious what it must've been like, finding out all the things about Leareth's life - lives, rather. Obviously you've come around to his, well, position on things. I can't imagine you started out there. One could posit the lifebond making you, but from what I've heard you're very stubborn." 

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"It was a process, yes. Though it might be faster than you're imagining, I kind of pick things up and keep going even if they're very startling, and lifebonds do seem to require some underlying compatibility so it wasn't as alien as it might have been. At first I thought he was probably delusional when he was claiming to be two thousand years old and so on; once I bought that part he gradually told me more and more; I think I'm now pretty filled in on the broad strokes of all the things I have the expertise to understand which matter to me, though obviously there are reams of details that are either too technical or not relevant enough to have come up in the time we've had together, which in the grand scheme of things hasn't been long, and it's possible something ought to have mattered to me which didn't spring to mind in that span. The specific facts on the ground are some of them still secret so I can't be very exact in relating to you how it all happened but suffice it to say that I do think I was persuaded by actual argumentation. I retain the ability to disagree with him and to criticize his ideas. He takes it well."

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Randi nods. Seems to absorb that for a while. 

"I want to hear your impression of the Heralds involved here," he says finally. "As an outsider showing up in Haven. I imagine it was a very surreal couple of days for you." His lips twitch. "Don't worry about offending me, please." 

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"I liked Dara a lot, but I suppose she's no longer within the scope of that question.

Uh, I also like Vanyel but less in a 'he impressed me' way and more in a 'I want to hug him' way. The fact that Tantras appeared to despise me distracted me somewhat from other traits he may have but I make some allowances for the awkwardness of his Companion situation, which must suck. Savil seems neat when she isn't being made terribly uncomfortable by my making heretical remarks and going all quiet. I don't have much impression of the others, they didn't talk as much. As a group they... didn't, uh... cope well with shock or confusion, it looked kind of like there wasn't an understood process for dealing with it? Maybe there usually is and you're in it and your being tired and trying not to meet with me personally disrupted it but there really should be a backup process if that's the case. So yesterday evening they were all doing their impression of bickering chickens and I was concerned they'd pitch me through a Gate without further attempt to repair the communication breakdown and then we would have a war and that would be bad, so I talked to Amshalan and neither of us had a better idea for keeping them talking than her giving me her stamp of approval, as it were."

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"Tran is...complicated, right now," Randi says tiredly. "And - hmm. I think you came away with a bit of an unfair impression of them. It doesn't help that I've been hanging back, and of course the fact that this entire situation is unprecedented and very sudden and weird and scary. But, well, we've been invaded before. Dara being repudiated was earthshaking. There've only been a handful of repudiations in our entire history, never a Monarch's Own before, and...she didn't do anything, right, it - that's a kind of shock and confusion that we don't have any process for dealing with. Because the way Valdemar is built as a kingdom, our process kind of is the Companions." 

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"I have noticed this about your process."

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"...It seems as though the fact that this is our process is kind of problematic right now." 

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"I have noticed that about your process too."

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"I'd ask if you have ideas but, er, I'm concerned any ideas to help would themselves run into the problematic part." 

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"I wasn't planning to blunder into it as though drunk, but, yes, I obviously wasn't being careful enough with Dara and there's probably some risk even pulling way back and taking only smaller steps. There are some serious obstacles and I don't know how it will wind up being best to address them but I have ideas for first steps."

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"Oh?" 

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"So -

- uh, is your Companion eavesdropping right now, that's going to affect how often I have to stop and check in with how they're coping with everything."

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"No, she isn't. I'm not a very strong Mindspeaker so it's difficult to relay everything to her and also focus on a conversation; she can help out by boosting me in emergencies but she isn't right now." 

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"Okay. So. Obviously, if Dara got the ideas that so offended Rolan from me, you would think Amshalan would have the same problem.

She did for about fifteen minutes and then she didn't and now she's fine.

I think that - while that's almost certainly going to be on the high end of good outcomes - most Companions will be more like Amshalan than like Rolan -

- and also that Yfandes and Vanyel are in a bad way and they can't go backwards and given that might as well serve as experimental subjects, as it were."

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Randi stares at her for a good minute.

"From what I've heard," he says finally, "you're right, Van and Yfandes are doing very badly. And you seem not to be having the same issue. Er, I would usually go to the Groveborn with this, but I'm less sure Rolan will have helpful things to say, given the givens." 

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"You should be aware that he isn't a big fan of what Amshalan did to reconcile herself with me, and was bothering her about it this morning. She was getting a legitimate Call and just put it off till I asked for her, but I think he's currently kind of - confused and not able to think very clearly and will not be a good source of guidance on this subject."

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"...This is very awkward. I should probably try to figure out what the other Companions think of it, if he's giving them advice - if it's terrible advice... Gods!" He yanks at his hair, frustrated. "I'm sorry, just, I swear I mostly know how to be a King in general but - I feel so unqualified to make decisions about this bizarre mess we're in." 

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"It's really out of scope compared to what you would have been educated for, I get that. Hm - I'm trying to come up with a term for Amshalan-style Companions who've broken through the - obstacle to thought - that Rolan probably can't break through because I think he may be made of a much higher percentage thought-obstacles than the rest of them. ...'jailbroken'? Amshalan is jailbroken. It took her fifteen minutes and she said 'ow' a few times and that was that. I think Rolan probably cannot get jailbroken. It's possible Companions without Heralds can't be jailbroken; it's likely Companions whose Heralds are suspicious of the process themselves can't go through with it; while I think Rolan is more exceptional than Amshalan, Amshalan is still unusual in several ways that probably made it easier for her, and I can't absolutely guarantee that anybody else trying to jailbreak their Companion won't wind up like Dara. I think Vanyel's choices are probably to try to jailbreak Yfandes - we'll help - or to keep avoiding her forever, though. And I think that anybody with a non-jailbroken Companion is going to be really limited in their ability to cope with the situation at hand."

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That gets a very cross-eyed look from Randi. 

"I feel like possibly breaking thought-barriers on all of our Companions against the will of the Groveborn is going to cause some problems," he says finally. "Like, I don't know, maybe attracting divine attention." 

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"So, I think there is already some divine attention flying around and actually one of my main hypotheses here is that the Companions were designed by committee and the gods on that committee were in accord hundreds of years ago and currently aren't. Major events that brought me here to this situation - the lifebond, the dream, Amshalan's Call - all obviously involve a god's thumb on the scales, and haven't taken long enough to unfold to be likely to have gotten perturbed from their original plan. I can't tell you that I'm sure whoever's orchestrating that expects us to have really smooth sailing, but it looks like we have already attracted divine attention."

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"...What an entirely un-reassuring thought." 

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"I know, right? Dealing with gods is kind of crazymaking."

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Sigh. He exchanges a look with Shavri. 

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"Are you wanting our permission or something to try to do the same thing with Yfandes?" Shavri says after a few beats of silence. "Since it sounds like the Groveborn both won't give it and probably shouldn't be the authority here anyway." 

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"I feel kind of bad about not prompting them into attempting a jailbreak as early as last night but thought as long as I had an appointment with Randi I'd wait till then and try to get his go-ahead," nods Belrun. "Makes me look less like a mad vigilante."

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"Fair enough. I need a moment to think, please." Randi stares past her at the window, exchanges a Mindspeech-y look with Shavri. Finally nods briskly. "All right. You have permission to give it a try. With Yfandes and Van specifically, no one else yet, and I'll want you and them to report back to me, separately, on how it goes." 

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"That makes sense. Thank you."

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"You're welcome. And I want to thank you as well, for - hmm - for being this level of courageous and flexible throughout. I bet you didn't ask to get dragged into this either." 

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"I did not. But I'm rolling with it."

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"I guess we're all trying to do that. You're doing a more graceful job than some of us." He nods to her. "We'll speak again later, I suppose." 

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"Thank you for meeting with me." And presuming that's a dismissal, she goes. :Where are Yfandes and Vanyel now? Or uh, just Yfandes if she doesn't know where Van is:

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:She's running the obstacle course by herself. She - can check where Vanyel is, she's been blocking him but could unblock him if you're very convinced them talking to us now is a good idea: 

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:We have Randi's go-ahead, is there any other reason to wait?:

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:Vanyel slept terribly and is, as usual, an emotional mess as a result, but I'm not sure that actually makes waiting until tomorrow any better: 

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:He might sleep better tonight if there isn't a dream but delaying on that basis seems not necessarily to follow - in particular, we may need to be quick to stay ahead of Rolan before he goes and collects a hapless teenager - also, like, you were kind of leaning on me needing you to be clearheaded and capable? So it might not actually hurt if Vanyel is currently conspicuously in need:

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:That's true. She does very strongly want to be helping him right now: Pause. :We can meet them down by the river, if you like, there are some nice private areas there: 

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:Pick me up outside the exit?:

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Amshalan meets her there. 

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Belrun hops on.

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They bump into Vanyel standing uncertainly in one of the rose-gardens near the Heralds' wing. "...We're talking now? I'm waiting for 'Fandes, I think..." He rubs his eyes. He looks pretty bleary but otherwise game. 

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"It doesn't seem like putting it off would help much and I have Randi's okay. If you're not up for it it can wait?"

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"I really doubt I'm going to get more rather than less up for it the longer we wait." 

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"That's what I thought. What do you already know - or guess, I suppose?"

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"Yfandes has a problem where she can't think about gods without - it getting really weird and her getting upset and scared and not being able to talk to me. This is obviously a Companion thing and probably because she was made that way by a god. You think it's fixable - I guess you must've fixed it, since you and Amshalan seem fine." 

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"Yeah. We had the advantage that Amshalan kind of knew this was going to come up going in, and she has some practice thinking around the edges of the Companion thing. But I think Yfandes can probably do it too, it'll just be harder unless it turns out having Amshalan walk her through it is a huge advantage. It's - risky but I don't think you can keep doing what you're doing forever."

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"No, I don't think so either." He takes a deep breath. Looks very embarrassed. "I do want to warn you that I - um, please try to panic about this less rather than more when I say this is kind of normal for me - I've been having a lot of thoughts about wanting to kill myself. I'm probably not going to act on that, but I've, er, misjudged that before, and this seems like it could make me feel worse in the short run if it's very stressful, so if I seem really upset afterward then - maybe don't let me head off alone." Vanyel says all of that while staring very determinedly at the ground. 

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"Okay, noted, good to be aware of in advance."

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Vanyel nods without meeting her eyes, still looking deeply embarrassed. 

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And a Companion mare who is presumably Yfandes trots up. :Um, are we...?: Her mindvoice sounds incredibly nervous but also impatient. 

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"Hi, Yfandes, it's nice to meet you. Uh. Amshalan and I think you'd be more comfortable in the long term if you - mimicked a thing she did related to the way Companion minds are put together, because that's not really working out for you and Vanyel right now." It feels like it would be mean to lean on Amshalan right in front of them but she registers to Amshalan privately that she kinda wants to.

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:...That makes sense. We could go down to one of the grottoes by the river? It's more private and pretty comfortable: Yfandes starts walking. She doesn't offer Vanyel a ride, though; he walks three yards back from her. 

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It also feels mean to ride Amshalan under the circumstances but if Belrun trips and falls into the river that will be worse so. Up she gets.

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They reach a nice little grotto. It's dry and cozy inside, with some dead leaves blown in but otherwise clear, vines hanging a bit over the mouth. Yfandes nudges through and sits down. 

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Vanyel slips inside and sits down as well, as far from Yfandes as he can manage. This is decently far, since there's comfortably enough space for two Companions and their humans.  

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Belrun gets down once they're in and sits too. "So, uh, Yfandes, the thing we're trying to do here is Amshalan's thing, and... not Rolan's thing, so assuming you're on board with that plan you need to keep an eye on that, stop us if you're freaking out and might make a mistake, okay?"

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:...Right. I - think I can manage? I'll try to warn you if that changes. If I go all quiet and stop answering questions I might be freaking out: 

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"Good to know. Uh, your issues started when Vanyel repeated the thing I said about the Star-Eyed, right?"

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:.....Yes: Yfandes sounds like she is trying to admit to it without actually remembering or thinking about it at all. 

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"And that's hard to think about, because it's - putting the part of you that's loyal to Vanyel in conflict with the part of you that's trying to be his tomato-stake and prop him up in a specific direction, a direction that doesn't require particular reverence but does require not being outright set against the gods construed as a class."

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:I - no - that could be it. I - keep having this weird double vision. When I think about it. It's...fine not to like everything the gods have done to us, I don't either, but - there's a certain stance to it, of - wanting to change it - and if I imagine Vanyel having that attitude, it's like part of me doesn't recognize him anymore. And there's this - almost disgust, I guess. Like wanting to spit out bad hay. Only it's...Van...and I can't. I absolutely won't. I'm not going anywhere. But - I still can't look at it: 

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"So like - in general, with most things, if there's something objectionable about them, it's fine to want to change it. If he didn't like how his furniture was arranged, he could change it. If he didn't like how the phases of the moon were scheduled, he couldn't change it but he could want to, that would just be silly but not a huge deal, right?"

:Amshalan, a little help here? You know what it's like from the inside -:

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:Hmm. It's like - I don't know exactly how to describe it, but part of what worked for me was trying to see you clearly. Because I think you're great, obviously, and that's on your own merit of course, but part of it is, hmm - reflected in the structure of the bond, I guess. And so I could sort of pit that against whatever the other thing was. Notice that I had to actually be able to look at you, in order to properly be your Companion, and being your Companion means that one of the things I'm for, magically speaking, is helping you... Does that make any sense?: 

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Yfandes takes a while to answer and seems reluctant about it. :I...guess that's true of furniture. And I wouldn't be mad at him for disliking moon phases although I'd be a little confused: 

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"It would be confusing because it's unlike him, right? What - hm - Yfandes, what is Vanyel like, in general as a person, tell me."

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Vanyel looks self-conscious. 

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:He cares a lot: Yfandes casts a brief fond look in Vanyel's direction before looking away again. :Too much, maybe. He - takes responsibility for a lot, doesn't cut himself a lot of slack. Sometimes he's reckless, but it's generally because he's trying and he cares. He's very curious, always tries to understand things...: 

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"So when - part of you doesn't recognize him any more, what is it that seems different?"

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:Gods, I don't know. It feels like we're not on the same page. But - not just in an incidental way, it feels like a bigger deal than that. Like he's gone somewhere I can't follow, I guess: 

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"Do you want to follow? If you could figure out how?"

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:–I mean, I should, right? He's my Chosen: 

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"Do you?"

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:I...hmm... Yes? I think I do. I imagine him - trying to do something important alone, without my help, and... I can't do that to him: 

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"And it turns out the important thing he's trying to do is, well, think from all the angles about what the gods are up to and whether some of it needs to be different."

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:Inconveniently, yes: Yfandes says it as though through gritted mental teeth, but she says it at all. 

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:...Amshalan?:

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:Hmm: Amshalan addresses both of them. :So the thing here is that you've got to empathize with him, right? Which you have everything you need to do, it's just that there's something in the way. I ended up - sort of having to come at it sideways, get closer that way, find things I could acknowledge as true: 

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Yfandes nods. Is quiet for a bit. :...Sorry, I think I'm kind of stuck. I'm all right, it's not getting worse or anything, it's just - making it hard to be creative: 

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:Yeah, that makes sense.

- this won't generalize hardly at all but it might work for you - Amshalan was asking me about Leareth, and Van knows him too. I think they're sort of friends, if in a weird way, right?:

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Amusement. :In a weird way, but yes. He's...given Van some surprisingly good advice, once in a while: 

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"So how do you assess - people who give Van good advice -"

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:Whether they know what they're talking about, I guess? And, er, whether they actually have his best interests at heart. I was stuck for a long time on Leareth because, well, neither of us could take that for granted about him, in fact we had to assume he didn't. But he did seem to, well, care. And some of his advice made a huge difference to Vanyel, during the Karsite war in particular: 

She tilts her head to one side, looks at Belrun. :Also a lot of why we didn't trust him was lack of information, we had no way to verify his intentions or that any of what he was saying was true. But having you around changes that. So, it's still confusing but I'm more inclined to think he was just sincere. Kind of terrible in a lot of ways, but sincere:

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"He is but also he is definitely in opposition to at least most of the gods."

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Yfandes' flank twitches. :Yes, I'm well aware, that's not a surprise at all– Huh. That's...easier to think about: 

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:Do you think Vanyel has learned useful lessons from him?: Amshalan sends, thoughtfully. :Ones that made him stronger rather than weaker?:

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:Oh, certainly. To a confusing extent, even, he must've made Van into so much more of a formidable enemy and - it was still the most likely outcome that we ended up fighting him, right? At least until you showed up, Belrun, now everything's topsy-turvy. Anyway, I used to worry he was just manipulating Van, but...I think mostly he was just giving him tools that made him smarter and better able to think: She glances at Belrun again. :Not sure this is related, but what would you guess motivated him to do that?:

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"Optimism that he could eventually get Van on the same page as him."

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:Because he believes he's right? And thinks that teaching Van to - be someone who can figure out what's true - will support his cause rather than harm it...: 

Yfandes goes quiet for a little while, but she seems thoughtful rather than tense. 

:I'd buy that: she adds finally. :And - it's good - to believe true things about the world...: She trails off. 

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"Yeah. And to figure out if something is true, you have to be able to consider it."

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:...Hmm. I...agree...: Yfandes shifts uneasily, her tail flicking. :It doesn't want me to look. I don't know what it wants. I keep asking... I think I have to understand it. To get past this. It - was serving a goal, whatever that - part of me - is. I need to know that - that I can serve that goal better on my own: 

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"I think it's designed to prevent Companions from letting Heralds act against the gods, or maybe the specific committee of gods that designed you, but - I think it's likely that whoever designed you got along hundreds of years ago and now has some differences of opinion."

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:I suppose that would make sense. So it's...out of date, sort of?: From the weird flat tonelessness in her mindvoice, she is trying to mostly not think about it too hard. :Not - the right way to protect what's important: There's strain in her mindvoice, but it doesn't seem to be directed at Vanyel. 

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"Even if it ever was, it isn't holding up well now. I think that's why Dara ran into trouble, Rolan is just mostly outdated mind control, but you have a rest of you to fall back on."

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:I - do have a rest of me: Almost wonder in her mindvoice. :I'm built for - things that are conflicting now, aren't I?: 

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"Yeah. Yeah, you are."

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:But I - need to only be for one thing: She shakes her head, sort of irritably. :–No, that's not even right. I need to decide to do one thing, because I'm only one person with one body. And right now I'm doing zero things, which is very stupid: 

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"I don't know about stupid but it's at least ineffective."

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:Then I need to - try - to find something else - ouch - that's more effective...: Her tail flicks again. :–Sorry. I think I'm all right. Just - ow - this is not very comfortable: 

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"That happened to Amshalan too, it's not a sign anything's necessarily not going to plan."

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Yfandes nods. She goes very quiet, but it's a tense, vibrating sort of quiet. 

...Finally she lifts her head. :Is it supposed to feel like I broke something?: 

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Belrun looks at Amshalan. "Is it?"

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:Yes, I suppose it did feel a bit like that? Mostly I was very relieved though: 

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Yfandes nods. :I think I did it. I don't feel like I'm going to rip apart anymore, anyway. Or - or repudiate Van by accident: For the first time, she looks directly at him. :Van?: 

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"Mmm?" Paying attention is way too stressful so he's been trying not to. 

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:If you want to - come here - I think we're all right now...?: 

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Vanyel hesitates, giving Belrun a nervous look. 

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"Go ahead."

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Vanyel has to sort of awkwardly crawl around Amshalan, but then there are going to be SNUGGLES. Also some crying. :Sorry: he tells Belrun, embarrassed. 

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:You have nothing to be sorry for!:

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Vanyel chuckles weakly. :Right. Yfandes says I'm being silly: He hugs her neck. :I don't really understand exactly what happened, just now, but - thank you: 

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:You're welcome!:

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Vanyel snuggles for a few minutes. He's so relieved. Also exhausted, even though he wasn't really the one doing anything. 

"...Gods, we're supposed to talk to Randi after, aren't we," he says eventually. "I'm so tired though." 

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"Also I realize now I don't know how I report to him. Do I just have Amshalan tell - whatever his Companion's name is -"

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:Sondra, and I can do that now, that is the usual way of contacting other Heralds if they're not strong Mindspeakers: 

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"I also don't know how it's polite to Mindspeak people who are, since I didn't even know I was a Mindspeaker till fairly recently and then Leareth taught me and presumably there's more etiquette about it when there are lots of people and not just two lifebonded ones."

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:Ooh, right! Normally that'd be covered in lessons. Seems a bit awkward to shove you in lessons now with twelve-year-olds, but you ought to have Mindspeech tutoring, I think: 

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"Sure, if someone has the time to spare on it."

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:I'm sure someone will - it's pretty important, right?: 

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:I think there may be a very high ratio of important things to people who could do them:

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:...I mean, also true, but I bet you could get a pretty long way in just a candlemark of actual tutoring, and get the rest by practicing Mindspeaking with other Heralds in the day to day: 

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:Sure. Is there some reason you can't teach me? You can Mindspeak:

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:Huh. It's not the way we normally do things, but I suppose I could!: 

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:Why isn't it usual?: The mane braid has gotten a little messy. She finger-combs it out and starts it over.

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:Hmm. Partly it's that Companion Mindspeech works pretty differently, we don't natively use the Heraldic Mindspeech protocols with each other, but I do think I could teach it fine. The other part is, well, nearly all Heralds don't use them with their own Companion either. You're a strong exception in the extent to which you want the only thoughts you share to be deliberate Mindspeech. Most people don't do full thoughtsharing all the time but usually it's somewhere on that spectrum: 

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:I could get used to it being less consciously deliberate if it were better able to filter for specific kinds of thoughts? Like, 'is this a good time' is fine for you to know whenever, say. I'm trying to let enough through to stand in for facial expressions since you mostly don't have them and are not always looking at me but I'd let other stuff through if I knew how to be really specific. Leareth I mostly shut down as hard as I can, because 'as hard as I can' is not actually all the way and that spooks me? But the Companion bond seems a little more malleable:

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:Mmm. I think it is, and my end of it is a bit under my control, if that makes sense? Emotions come as sort of a different stream from content of thoughts, so for the facial expressions part, we could figure out how to selectively loosen shields just on the Empathy side. Getting some types of thought-content across by default but not others would take more practice but I'd bet it's doable. I haven't been trying to read anything you're not deliberately pushing at me, since it's kind of extremely obvious you're spooked about mindreading and why would I do that:

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Pet pet braid braid. :We'll figure it out. What is the protocol for with other humans around here though?:

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:Don't Mindspeak at non-Mindspeakers unless you've specifically established that's all right; you may not even be able to, it takes a very strong Mindspeech Gift. If someone is a Mindspeaker, check if they're available by knocking on their shields like this: Amshalan demonstrates. 

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:Huh, okay. Maybe I can check with my dad if I have a strong enough Gift to get through to non-Mindspeakers:

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:That's a good idea. It is useful sometimes. All Companions can do it, generally at significant range, so if for some reason you ever have to urgently pass a message to someone who isn't Gifted you can ask me: A mental snort. :Rolan would tell us off for using it frivolously but I think I'm well past the point of caring very much what Rolan thinks: 

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:Was there ever an ostensible justification for not being frivolous? Why not be frivolous, if you don't expect to need to conserve resources for something? I do frivolous Fetching:

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:I think it's a bit the thing we had a conversation about, a while back? Keeping something in reserve, not having everyone start to count on it all the time. But I don't think that'll add much with you. You're much less the infinitely self-sacrificing type than most Heralds. I expect you'll make very sensible plans that don't overstretch you, and also I assume Leareth will be applying great paranoia to making sure nothing ever happens to you: 

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:I don't prefer self-sacrifice given other reasonable options but that doesn't mean it's not on the table? If something's important enough. Though it'd have to be pretty up there to be worth me and the followon effects on both you and Leareth so there's that:

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:Mmm. I mean, I know you do - getting a Companion at all was a bit of a self-sacrificing move on your part, wasn't it?: 

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:Yeah:

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Vanyel finally hauls himself to his feet. "All right, I'm going to at least go back to my room. Maybe Randi can wait until tonight..." 

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"See you later."

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:Randi could meet with us now, if we wanted: Amshalan informs her. :Also Savil wants to be there, she's been so worried about Van: 

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:Sure, that seems fine to me: Once she has adequate headroom she climbs back onto Amshalan.

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Amshalan carries her back to the central wing of the Palace. It's late afternoon veering into evening at this point. :Oh - are you hungry?: Amshalan asks. :We could swing by the dining hall first if so: 

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:I'm allowed in the dining hall now? There are so many perks. Yeah, I could eat:

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:...I mean, I didn't actually check but I can't see why not. I probably ought to check with Rolan, but honestly I'm still sort of having - hmm, what's the right phrase here - a teenage rebellious phase about Rolan's existence, so I'm not going to ask: 

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:If anybody tries to stop me I'll tell them my Companion said it was okay, how about:

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:Ha, sound perfect: Amshalan lets her off just outside the dining hall, which turns out not to contain any Heralds she's met, although several of the strangers look up and wave at her, looking a bit confused but mostly cheerful and welcoming. 

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Wave wave. Food food. And back out to be brought to Randi's part of the palace.

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Amshalan drops her off. :Good luck. I'll be nearby and I can listen to the extent you want me to: 

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Belrun pats her and calibrates the eavesdropping and goes in.

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Shavri comes out to meet her in the hall and points her over to the same meeting-room. "So, how did it go? Is Van doing all right?" 

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"I think he's wrung out but he'll be all better soon."

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"Makes sense." Shavri escorts her in and, again, sits down on the opposite side of it with Randi. 

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"So I don't know what format you normally like your reports in but we jailbroke Yfandes and I think they'll be fine."

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"That's wonderful! I'm really glad to hear it. I'm pretty curious how it went and whether it was, er, relevantly different from what happened with Amshalan, if you can say, I understand if it's private." 

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She summarizes both jailbreakings - "mind that if Sondra hears about this in much detail you will be in a pinch," she adds.

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"Right, I'll keep that in mind - she knows not to ask me about details of this." 

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"Anyway, I think it should be repeatable - was Savil going to come, Amshalan said she wanted to be here -"

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Shavri looks embarrassed. "Oh, right, sorry - Randi, I meant to pass that on to you and I forgot. She wanted to hear how it went and I think ask questions, I told her we were meeting, she must've run into a delay." 

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"Oh. Hmm. Well, at this point I'm not sure it makes sense for her to join us in the same meeting, I think Belrun answered all my immediate questions. I want to think about it for a while, and tomorrow we can talk about whether it'd make sense to try the same thing with more of the Companions. Actually, hmm, I guess one question I still have is, now that you have two examples, do you have a sense of there being cases where it wouldn't work? For Companions other than the Groveborn, I mean." 

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"Well, basically anything making a human-Companion pair different from me-and-Amshalan or Van-and-Yfandes is a risk factor? Some things I could see turning out to matter are - it might work worse with older Heralds who've spent longer growing accustomed to their Companions being a certain way, or with humans who genuinely think that the gods are doing a great job, or something like that. I don't know where I'd even start if I were trying to do it with Tantras in particular."

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"Mmm. That makes sense. I think probably a lot of Heralds just haven't ever thought about the question of whether the gods are doing a great job. And, Tantras... I see that." 

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"Yeah, I think I... startled him but perhaps not that much."

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"I think the thing with Tran is that he - needs to feel like he has space to breathe, to change his mind? Not to feel like he's being attacked about it, especially not to feel like he's being, hmm, argued into it by someone cleverer than him." 

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"I don't know how to not come off as cleverer than him. I've tried pretty hard not to attack him! I think I've been polite! But, yeah."

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"It's hard! I think he's got some amount of a point, in that sometimes people are very persuasive and good speakers and that doesn't necessarily mean they're right, especially if they're giving fancy arguments for something that feels horrible on a gut-level. I do think he goes off and reasons through it at his own pace. Usually." 

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"I guess he could be put off for later while we work through easier cases but he's acting King's Own and the actual King's Own isn't even around any more." :Has anybody gotten through to her?: she adds to Amshalan.

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:No, but it's not like any of the Companions who aren't her Companion have a particular advantage for reaching someone who doesn't want to be reached: 

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:Yeah, just was wondering if she'd change her mind about that. Guess not this soon:

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:At a guess, not knowing her that well in particular, I think she'd at least want to get all the way home and tell her mother what happened. Can you imagine finding out that sort of news about your child via a letter from the King instead? Not that I think anyone's pulled it together enough to send one yet: 

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:Yeah, that makes sense:

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This is the point at which there's a polite tap on her shields. 

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:Yes?:

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:Sorry, I told Shavri I wanted to talk to you but it turned out I wanted to talk to Van first. I, um... It might be better as a separate thing anyway. I'm wondering if I ought to - try the thing with Kellan. So Van has more people he can actually talk to: 

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:I'm happy to do that any time if Van and Yfandes don't think they can replicate it themselves and if Randi gives me the go-ahead:

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:Oh! I hadn't thought about whether they could - I guess that makes sense, you're not using magic or anything, just having a conversation. I don't want to ask them today, though, they're both so tired. I suppose it's not as urgent; if the thing I want to address this for is talking to Van, we can address it by, well, talking, the next time he wants to: 

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:You can! Is Kellan up for it -:

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:As up for it as anyone can be when they're sort of avoiding thinking about it too hard: 

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:That makes sense. Is there anything you want to ask me instead of asking Vanyel and Yfandes?:

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:Oh. Hmm. That's a good question. I guess... Do you expect this to be very stressful or upsetting for me? It sounds like it basically wasn't for you, and it was for Van but...there are a lot of him-specific reasons that wouldn't apply to me. But different factors might apply to me? Mainly I'm trying to decide if I should block off time afterward where I might not be up for my usual work: 

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:I think it mostly stressed Vanyel out because he was already stressed out and still needs to recover from that even though now he has the space to do it in, but there could be other things that would make it stress you out too - I just speculated to Randi that it might be harder for older Heralds because you've gotten used to Kellan the way he is for longer, say, but I don't know if that would make it hard for you to work:

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:That makes sense. I think I will try to set it up so I'm not desperately needed for anything right away after, just seems sensible: 

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:Yeah, that seems like a good idea:

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:...All right, that's probably all we actually needed to talk about. I guess I'll find out in a bit whether Kellan and I can, er, do the thing just by talking with Van and 'Fandes, and if we run into trouble I can Mindspeak you and ask for advice?: 

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:Mm-hm! Good luck:

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:Thank you!: And Savil drops the connection. 

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Shavri is looking at her. "Was that Savil?" 

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"Yes, she thinks she'll try it by talking to Van and Yfandes - I'm probably not personally necessary any more."

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"Ooh! That kind of makes sense, it's not like you're a Mindhealer or know something no one else does, you're just the person who figured this out first." 

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"My general, uh, attitude, probably helps at all, but yeah, I don't think I have to personally talk to every Companion in the herd."

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"That's a relief! It'll make this a lot more scalable. And, well, I have a feeling we shouldn't try to do it all at once, that probably we should let it happen at the speed it seems like it needs to, and only try to push it if it's been weeks or months and we're stuck. And I really wouldn't want to keep you from your lifebonded that long, given that - well, to me at least it's starting to feel pretty determined that we aren't going to go to war over this. I don't have the faintest idea what we're going to do instead, but..." 

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"Maybe your folks will help me figure out how to blow up the moon. If that metaphor made it to you. Uh, I would like to mention that I'm worried about Rolan sort of - on reflex, as it were, going out and Choosing someone new? I think he shouldn't do that and I'm not clear to what extent he can be prevented."

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"Goodness. I'd been worrying about that too, and hoping it wasn't urgent, Rolan doesn't seem to be in the mood to run off and Choose anyone right now and we do at least have an acting King's Own, but - I guess it's kind of silly to keep ignoring it and saying I'll deal with it later. I don't know to what extent that can be prevented?" 

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"I'd like to try to talk with Rolan personally if he's ever amenable to that. He's not and never was human so I don't have a good guess about when would be a respectful time to suggest it while still preempting him going and grabbing another teenager."

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"That makes sense. I'm not sure there's a better way to find out than just asking him? Or having a Companion do it. I could ask Sondra to, if you want?" 

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"If you would. Amshalan's not getting along that great with him right now."

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"Right. It sounds like Amshalan is a very good fit for you, which - I can see how that'd lead to something of a personality conflict with Rolan even if we weren't dealing with all the other messiness."

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"Amshalan's great!" chirps Belrun.

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Aww. Shavri doesn't say anything but she's smiling to herself. 

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"I'll try to... tone it down with Rolan... insofar as I can while staying on topic, which might not be very much. I have read two entire books on diplomacy."

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"I think you're doing fairly well? I mean, correcting for the fact that the topic you have to stay on is contentious and problematic to discuss with Heralds at all. You've handled it all very politely." 

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"Thanks. Doing my best."

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Randi pinches the bridge of his nose. "All right. Thank you for your report. Is there anything else you want to convey to me now? We'll probably meet tomorrow but it may not be until afternoon, I'd want to see what happens with Savil and Kellan first." 

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"If it winds up being that - Rolan is in open conflict with everybody else - how much of a legal and practical obstacle does that present, as distinct from the obvious sociocultural fallout?"

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"Hmm. There's not really anything in our official written laws on that, actually? It would be problematic logistically, I think, the Groveborn actually does do a lot of very important things that a non-Groveborn Companion would have trouble standing in for even if we appointed one of them; he's a coordination point, he can track several dozen conversations at once and keep track of all the rest and that's doing real work, in terms of keeping us organized and relaying important information. I'm sure we could manage without if we have to, most countries don't have intelligent Mindspeaking magic horses to begin with, but it'd be a huge adjustment." 

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"Okay. It might be a good idea to have that on the back burner even though I'm really hopeful I can talk him around, but - Dara couldn't."

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Randi nods. "True. Although with Dara he, well, had a lever to permanent end the conversation at the first moment he got spooked. I sort of assume that's what happened, at this point, that he's set up different from most Companions, much stronger balance of working for Valdemar versus supporting his specific Herald, and that means it wasn't an equal tug-of-war?" 

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"Yes. But he probably also understood Dara as a person better whereas I'm this stranger who shows up and starts jailbreaking his herd."

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"That's fair. I don't know how it'd balance out, but it seems worth you giving it a go, even if only because he's had a while to sit on it now." 

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"I can organize my thoughts a little and by tomorrow I'll be ready whenever he is."

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"Sounds good. Thank you." 

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"Of course. Anything else?"

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“Not that I can think of, no.”

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"All right. Thank you for seeing me and, uh, letting me experiment with this."

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"You're welcome. Thank you for bearing with us and the extent to which our system of government, er, struggles with this particular challenge." 

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"You're welcome." And out she goes.

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Amshalan is waiting for her. :Seems like that went pretty well?: 

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:I think so! Randi seems really sensible:

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:He's a good King. This is a lot for him to handle, especially with his illness, but I'm glad it's him. Elspeth was - pretty conservative, really, I think she would've had a harder time responding to it gracefully: 

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:Yeah, 'conservative' isn't a good look at this moment even if it has its place. Am I wanted anywhere else or should I go wind down for the evening, test if I can Mindspeak Chalan?:

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:Nope, this should be it for the day! You've been busy, I think you've earned your evening off, and everyone else is, well, absorbing: 

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:Okay. I do want to get around to looking you up in the archives but I'm not sure who to ask, seems small potatoes for the king...:

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:Mmm. It's too bad, this would be a perfect thing to get Dara's help on, sadly... Well, maybe you can ask Savil next time you talk to her. Or Vanyel, if he's a bit more up for doing things tomorrow: 

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:Sounds like a plan:

When she's gotten back to her room she tests if she can Mindspeak her father.

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It doesn't work, although it sort of seems like it should; she can feel him, there's just nothing to make a connection with (and if she tries too hard she'll start reading his thoughts by accident.) 

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"Aahh sorry."

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"- huh?"

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"I have Thoughtsensing too and apparently that's how one uses it but all I got was you noticing the plank in the floor over there being uneven -"

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He snorts. "Don't worry about it."

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"If you say so."

And she works on a letter for Leareth with all the nonessentials that she didn't fit into the dream, and new updates, till she's tired and goes to sleep.

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Amshalan is there when she wakes up, providing a quiet background waft of cheerfulness. :Sleep any better?: 

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:Acceptably. It still hurts, it'll be nice if we can get this wrapped soon. ...I don't really know if Leareth's got a place that's designed to be comfortable for you. I assume he must have horses for some people somewhere though:

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:One assumes! Maybe not the same place you were at before, but somewhere: 

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:Probably not there, yeah. He might also want to put you someplace low-sensitivity if he isn't confident in the thoroughness of your jailbreak, I don't know. I've mentioned in the letter:

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:Fair enough, given the amount of trouble he's had with gods: She hesitates. :I wonder how confident should be in the thoroughness. It feels pretty thorough from the inside, but then again, it's not like I realized the extent of the problem until the other day: 

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:I guess that's a good question. I mean, the known features of Companions are the magically loving your human and vice versa, that you still have, and the moral compass thing, which is probably the same thing as the religious conservatism thing?:

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:Probably. I don't feel like I've stopped having a moral compass, exactly, but - I guess there's a feeling most Companions have, of there definitely being a right answer and you knowing it and it feeling very clear and certain? I might've already been more dubious of that feeling than some of the others, but now it doesn't feel the same. I probably feel the same way humans do, that there's maybe a right answer in theory but reality is pretty confusing, I don't know: 

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:Maybe when I look you up I can jog loose more of your human memories and you can compare more directly to how humans feel:

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:Ooh! I hope so, that'd be neat. Anyway. Want to come out for a ride after breakfast? I don't believe you have anything on your calendar yet, although it sounds like Savil is sitting down with Kellan to talk to Van and 'Fandes so we probably want to be interruptible in case they need advice: 

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:Sure!:

She comes out and gets up onto Amshalan and goes where she is taken.

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And they can meander around the Palace grounds. 

:I hope we find a way to wrap up soonish: Amshalan sends, thoughtful. :I really want to meet your Leareth. Assuming he's willing to meet with me face to face, of course, but it's not like I'm that dangerous, I have teeth but I can't make giant fireballs or anything. One assumes he's capable of shielding against horse teeth: 

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:He is. Also if you died it would make me sad:

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:I'm not really worried about him hurting me? More that, I don't know, he could be worried about a god literally possessing my body to attack him, and I don't think that could happen, I've never heard of it happening with Companions, but it's not like I can be entirely certain to reassure him?: 

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:Makes sense:

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They ride for a while with no one bothering them. 

:Yfandes just Mindspoke me, she said it's going fine, but replicating the process with Kellan seems to be taking a very long time and she's not sure whether to be worried about that: Amshalan sends eventually. :Do we think that's concerning? I would figure it makes sense, both Yfandes and I had spent more time - poking at the edges of the thing, I guess: 

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:I'm not surprised and wouldn't be worried unless Kellan's getting really upset?:

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Pause. :Apparently he's somewhat upset but Yfandes doesn't think it's the worrying kind, he's mostly frustrated with himself. They'll keep checking in with me. Anyway, it's been a pretty long ride and you're not used to it yet, I don't want you to be sore for the next two days or anything. Want to head back for lunch?: 

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:I can probably self-Heal it if I'm sore but that's a good idea:

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Then Amshalan can drop her off at the dining hall. 

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None of the Heralds she knows are there, but Melody is, and waves. 

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Wave wave. Belrun will sit with her if she wants?

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Sure! Melody pats the empty spot next to her. :Having a good day so far?: 

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:Pretty good considering, yeah. Optimistic that I get to go home to Leareth soon:

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:I hope so! You must be getting really sick of being apart: 

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:Yeah, this was important but I miss him really badly and hopefully he has a real diplomat somewhere who can take over from here:

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:He's had some time now to set that up, so I'd hope so: 

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Amshalan pokes her a few minutes later. :Success! Kellan and Savil did it!: She sounds jubilant. 

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:Oh that's great!: "And apparently I am empirically not necessary for - uh, nobody's been giving me any infosec instructions so it's possible you don't actually know."

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:I don't know all the details, but - you solved Van and Yfandes' problem they were having? I'm really grateful for that: 

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:I'm glad it turned out to be fixable!:

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Shavri Mindspeaks Belrun a few minutes later. :And, we have a success! Up for a meeting this afternoon? I think it's time to start talking about next steps, here, one of which will hopefully be sending you back to your lifebonded: 

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:Sounds good. When and where?:

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:Maybe a slightly bigger meeting room than the last one we used. I can meet you out front of the main wing in a candlemark and show you there?: 

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:See you then:

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A much more cheerful and better rested looking Shavri collects her at the specified time and place and ushers her in. 

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And Belrun takes her seat and readies her notebook and looks around to see who is in attendance.

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Vanyel's there, looking more cheerful than he has to date. "Belrun! Did you hear that we did it again?" He gestures at Savil, who's sitting across from him, looking very tired but smiling. 

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Tantras is there as well; his expression is politely neutral, which is certainly an improvement. 

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And Randi smiles at Shavri as she rejoins him. "Thank you for coming, Belrun." 

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"Yes, Amshalan told me, congratulations - how's Kellan doing now?"

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"Pretty tired, but pleased. I think we have lots of long conversations ahead." 

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Nod nod.

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"All right, let's try to get started." Randi glances around. "So, recent progress. Belrun got Chosen. We've learned more about what happened with Dara and Rolan. It turns out that a different and less bad thing happens with non-Groveborn Companions! Currently I'm inclined to think that, while this isn't proof that Leareth's goals are definitely good, we have strong evidence that Belrun is operating in good faith - and a corresponding weaker but still, I think, substantial level of evidence that Leareth is. Also it looks like whatever the Companions have going on here is pretty dubious, so I'm not inclined to treat Rolan's discomfort, for example, as moral evidence." 

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Tantras still looks kind of uncomfortable, but he's not actually disagreeing. 

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"So I think we ought to keep talking," Randi says. "About the actual content of our agreements and disagreements, since it feels established that we can have a conversation at all. Which means that, in my opinion, Belrun is no longer the best person to be here for this, and we should reach out and set up to get a proper diplomatic team out here and send her back to her lifebonded. Thoughts, questions, concerns?" 

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"I'm worried Rolan will go out and Choose someone new whatever the other Companions are doing. He's not - flexibly designed, I think."

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"Do we have a plan about that?" 

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"I asked Sondra to speak with him," Randi says tiredly. "He said he had no immediately plans to Choose and she managed to talk him into committing to that for a week. After that... I don't know. Maybe we can convince him that one, we already have a King's Own, and two, it won't work very well for him to Choose someone if they can't work with the rest of us. But, I don't know, that sort of still depends on him being at all amenable to reason." 

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"It's possible to resist being Chosen," says Belrun. "It's not, like, conspicuously possible, but it can be done. If Rolan were followed around by other Companions such that they could warn anyone he might be after this might be enough. But of course going around broadcasting that the Groveborn is not acting in concert with consensus reality would be its own set of issues."

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"It wouldn't be ideal. We'll keep that in mind if he does head out against recommendations, though." Randi shakes his head. "I don't know what to do in the longer term. Having Rolan wandering around being useless seems, well, not great." 

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"I'd like to try talking to him. I don't know that I'll get anywhere. He'd be really useful if he wanted to try talking to the Companion god as an intermediary, say."

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"Makes sense. Are you thinking you'd want to talk to him soon, as in on this trip? I think he's still pretty shaken up, which might or might not be bad for having that conversation go productively." 

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"I hadn't actually thought I'd take a second trip. Maybe I can try today or tomorrow, and if that doesn't seem to be getting anywhere, consider meeting again another time but set it up at our leisure while I'm not so far away from Leareth?"

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“Sure, that works. Anything else we forgot to mention that you want to address before leaving?”

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"I do want to look up Amshalan's past life before I go! We managed to remember her human name."

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“...wait, what?”

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"Companions are mostly reincarnated humans, especially Heralds, sometimes recycled more than once. I implied this the other day but I guess I didn't say it outright. Groveborns aren't, though, obviously."

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"Wow. That's - quite something. I should ask Sondra if she remembers her human name..." Randi rubs his eyes. "Anyway. You're welcome to head to the Archives whenever you like, you are technically a Herald-trainee after all even if this is - really a very weird situation." 

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"I could go with you," Vanyel offers quietly. "I wanted to try to look up Yfandes too." 

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"Sounds good," Belrun says to Vanyel. "Does she know her old name or are you just going to look at lots till one looks familiar?"

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"She has a guess, at least; she's pretty sure she was nicknamed 'Fanny'. So I can start by looking at all the names that start with F, they should be alphabetized, and if it's not that then I can try searching for names that have that sound in the middle. There've only been around twenty-five hundred Heralds total, ever, it wouldn't be impossible to go through all of them, but hopefully I won't have to." 

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"Hopefully! I think that's the only other thing I wanted to do in Haven before going back."

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"Well, I'm free this afternoon." 

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"I'll have Sondra talk to Rolan about when would be a good time to chat with you," Randi says. "I'll push for it to be tonight, but if Rolan prefers tomorrow, would that still work for you?" 

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"Yeah. Especially if figuring out when and where to send me home can be done in parallel since there's latency on the messages anyway."

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“Oh, right, that was the other thing I’d wanted to check in on. How would you prefer to do this? We can Gate you somewhere in Valdemar if Savil’s been- Vanyel, no, this isn’t worth you Gating for. The obvious places are the message drop location or the town where you arrived, but if Leareth prefers something else we can probably make it work.”

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"I'm not actually sure if Leareth can Gate to where I arrived without me present and sending him the location, we didn't test the repeatability of secondhand termini. You should probably work that out with him, none of the original plans will have taken Amshalan into account."

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"Makes sense. We'll send a letter with a list of proposed locations, include lots of options so we don't end up having to go back and forth on it more than once." 

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"Thank you."

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"Shavri, am I forgetting anything?" 

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"Hmm. Belrun, had you wanted to leave some sort of message for Dara, in case we do hear from her? Come to think of it, you could send a letter to her hometown if you wanted, I can look up where she's from." 

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"She told me where she was going, when she Mindspoke me on her way out. I do plan to send her a letter later."

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"All right, then I think that's everything we'd wanted to cover– yes, Tran?" 

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"I wanted to thank you for your courage in coming out here," Tantras says stiffly. "And, er, to apologize for my rudeness." 

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"Oh! Uh, thank you."

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There is a slightly awkward pause. 

"So we're all done here, then?" Randi says cheerfully, standing. "Thank you, Belrun. We'll keep you updated on when Rolan is available to talk." 

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"I appreciate that." And she goes off to follow Vanyel to the archives.

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The entirety of the Heralds' library is smaller than Leareth's library just in the one location up north, but there's another room behind it that has the unpublished records. It's also small, but quite a lot of paper can be packed into floor-to-ceiling shelves stacked with boxes. 

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They're mostly going to be very boring records, Vanyel explains. Date Chosen, Gifts, teachers, circuit deployment schedules, that sort of thing. 

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"That's okay, it still might jog some memories."

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"All right, hmm, what's the organization schema here... We want Choosings organized by date, I think, I think maybe there's a summary list of that for each box..."

There is. Each box covers roughly ten years, though sometimes more and sometimes less depending on how eventful the period in question was. They can start at the Founding and go forward. 

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Skim skim skim Sayshal where are you.

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In box number twenty-two! Chosen in the year 198 after the Founding by the Companion mare Lirelle, Gifts: Mindspeech and short-range Foresight. That's all the information to be found on the summary page. 

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While she's there she'll see if there are any predecessor Heralds suspiciously similar to "Lirelle".

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There's a 'Liara' in 82 and a 'Lilla' in 145. 

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And Amshalan's being copied on all of this in the meantime. She rummages around, now that she knows the year, for more details.

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Sayshal did her apprenticeship with a Herald called Norvi. She graduated to Whites in 203. Rode circuit in the east near the border with newly-founded Hardorn for a decade, uneventfully, had a few students on internship circuits with her. Then got deployed west to help deal with an unusually bad incursion of Pelagirs monsters. Lost most of her leg to a colddrake. This was obviously suboptimal for riding circuit so she was deployed in Haven for the rest of her life, teaching students, doing administration, eventually taking over as Seneschal's Herald. It was a long life. She was a Herald until 262, dying in bed at the age of seventy-seven. 

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:You have had a wider variety of numbers of legs than most people: Belrun remarks.

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:Pfft: Mental laughter is pretty odd-feeling! :I sort of remember that, now, actually? Wasn't so bad. I had a peg leg. I think I used to tease the students by pretending I was going to whack them in the head with it - I was very flexible, apparently even when I was an old lady: 

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Belrun giggles. She copies the highlights of the information about Herald Sayshal. :Do you remember Lirelle much? It seems like it must be so weird to just have decades and decades of Companion-bond wiped away whenever you're re-sleeved, but I guess the alternative would be worse:

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:Re-sleeved!: More laughter. :Not much, really. I - hmm - I remember she had a filthy mouth, I must've learned so many new curse-words from her: 

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Belrun chuckles. :Do you want to try to guess who she was?:

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:Sure - er, do you have ideas?:  

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:I found two similar names but if it's neither of those I'm lost: She looks up the summaries for Heralds Liara and Lilla.

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Liara was a strong Fetcher and otherwise sounds like a very boring person. She rode on an interior circuit for forty years. Lilla was a Farseer and strong Mindspeaker, with impressive enough range that they kept her in Haven to be the hub of the fledgling Mindspeech relay, and also one of the few Heralds to marry and have children, five of them. 

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:I think it must be Lilla! Lirelle loved foals, I remember that. Once we were in Haven permanently anyway, she must've had another four of them: 

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:If we ever crack resurrection all the personal relationships around here are going to get so complicated! Lilla also had a Companion of her own and so on and so forth! I think I have the idea from somewhere that Companions don't really care much about how you're all interrelated in your Companion incarnation but I don't know where I got it, is that right?:

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:Right, no one seems very fussed about it. Occasionally two Companions will seem familiar to each other and maybe notice they remember the same event, but it's only even interesting to gossip about for two minutes. Makes me wonder if there's something in effect on us to make the past life memories seem less salient? Sort of the way dreams are hard to remember. It'd just be confusing if they were as clear or vivid as the ones from our current life, I think: 

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:I guess it would be confusing in some circumstances. And, I suppose, it'd be cruel in a way if you were moping over Lirelle and Lancir all the time even in this go-round. But, I don't know, they should still be yours? If you were just - putting them away, yourself, to concentrate on what you were doing, that wouldn't bug me:

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:...True: 

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:So I'm glad there were records to consult: She's going to see if she can identify Lilla's Companion too, why not, the whole chain.

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Lilla's Companion was called Natoli; this name doesn't correspond to anything even vaguely recognizable in the previous Archives. 

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:I think some Companions used to be human but not Heralds: Amshalan clarifies. :In the Guard, usually: 

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:I guess they had to start somewhere:

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:There wouldn't have been many dead Heralds yet, early on! Might've been enough of King Valdemar's armsmen who escaped with him, though, or maybe a lot of them were dead farmers at that point, who knows: 

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:I wonder if there are still originally-farmer souls in, uh, circulation:

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:Huh! You know, I wonder if when Companions die, sometimes they come back later as humans again! Presumably not remembering anything, since they'd start as little babies: 

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:Possibly! I don't know what circumstances tend to prompt reincarnations besides needing somebody to be a Companion:

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:Me neither! Want to see how Vanyel is getting on?: 

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Vanyel has carted over several more boxes to a table, and is now going through one of them in more depth.

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"Find her?"

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"Did you know," Vanyel says with considerable pride, "my Companion was a mathematician in a past life? This sort of makes sense, it's come up in relation to talking to Leareth. Fandessa, Chosen in four-seventeen." 

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"Cool! Just for kicks I wound up looking up who Amshalan's Companion used to be, too, and found her."

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"Ooh! Fandessa's Companion was Beltrin. Did you see any Heralds with names like that, I don't recall. A stallion, so it'd be a man, unless Heralds sometimes switch sex when they come back as Companions..." 

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"I don't know them to do so but I suppose if they did it occasionally I wouldn't know! I don't remember anybody who sounded like that off the top of my head but there were so many..."

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Vanyel nods. His cheerful expression fades. "Also it looks like she was Chosen the same year as, er, another Herald, who I think came back and was a Companion at the same time as her too, they were friends. Herald Galia." 

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"Oh?"

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“She was the Companion to, um.” He swallows. “My lifebonded. She died too.”

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"I, uh, don't know if this helps but the corollary of this research project we're doing is that - his, his information is almost certainly in storage somewhere however that works - even if most people's isn't? And obviously we don't know how to get it out of storage, let alone out and in a human body and not a Companion body, or in less than a hundred years, but - probably not gone. Since he was a Herald."

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Vanyel nods jerkily, looking like someone trying very hard not to cry.

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Hug.

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Vanyel shivers, accepts the hug for thirty seconds or so before pulling away. "Thank you," he says tightly. "Did you - need me for anything else today..." 

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"No, but thank you for showing me here."

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Vanyel nods and mumbles something about seeing her later and flees. 

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Welp she's not sure she handled that well but alas. She makes sure she has all the interesting information about Sayshal and so on written down, puts things away neatly, lets herself out.

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:Sondra says that Rolan is willing to speak tonight: Amshalan sends. :Supper first?: 

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:Yeah, I should probably not go into that hungry:

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Amshalan can collect her outside the wing and take her over to the dining hall again. 

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:I appreciate how it's impossible to trip over my own feet when I am borrowing yours instead:

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:Glad to help!: 

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Savil is in the dining hall, sitting with Keiran and Katha. She waves. 

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Sure, Belrun can sit over there.

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They're having a conversation about students they taught in the past (none of them have teaching duties at this point, Keiran and Katha are too busy with their current roles; Savil has mostly taught mage-work and there aren't currently any mage-gifted trainees.)

Savil thinks to try to include Belrun in the conversation after a couple of minutes. "Say, have you done any teaching? I feel like I should know this..." 

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"Yes, I taught microbiology at the university. But the students were older than the typical trainee."

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"Probably cuts back on the most annoying parts," Keiran says cheerfully. "Twelve-year-olds can be so difficult sometimes." 

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"Yeah, I just had to know how to organize a lecture about microbiology, not how to control a classroom."

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Keiran and Katha lapse into sharing stories about their favourite students from the past. 

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After dinner she's ready to go meet Rolan.

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He's standing in Companions' Field, under a tree. :Belrun: he acknowledges her, but doesn't say anything else. 

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"Hello, Rolan. I'm sorry for your - loss."

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:Your condolences are accepted: He lifts his head, blue eyes boring into her. The emotions in the Mindspeech overtones are difficult to interpret; there's some sort of pain there, maybe regret, but it's not very human-shaped. :What is it that you wished to discuss now, exactly?: 

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"A few things. One is that I don't think that - unless something changes pretty dramatically - it would be a good idea for you to Choose again. I think it'd wind up either going the same way, or - picking someone who is not in fact equipped to serve as King's Own in the current climate."

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:Hmm. Why do you think that?: 

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"I think Dara was a really good pick. She was smart, she paid attention to things, she thought clearly and calmly about stuff. And it was exactly those good qualities which led to your fight, as I understand it. You could probably find someone who was - passive, indifferent, but they wouldn't be good at the job. You could probably find someone who would just agree with you about the topic of gods, but they'd wind up - given how things are going now - at odds with their King, who seems to have taken my point on the subject even if Sondra hasn't undergone an Amshalan-style change yet, and that would also make them worse at the job. You could find someone great - presumably not as good as Dara, because ultimately given a free hand you went for Dara and not whoever would be your second choice now, but someone who was still pretty great - and sooner or later someone who is pretty great is going to notice that the gods are not behaving in a consistent and moral fashion, and they will wind up in a disagreement with you on it, and you aren't as far as I know put together out of the right parts to bend on that no matter how logical the argument. At least you aren't now."

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Long pause. 

:What logical argument am I failing to bend for?: Rolan asks, with unease but also something approaching genuine curiosity. 

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"The clearest one is - without several blatant divine interventions, I wouldn't be here. It required my lifebond, Vanyel's dreams, and Amshalan's Call. If you think all the gods are working together, and that you should do what they want, then it follows that Companions should not be mind-controlled to that very effect any more, because that's so inevitably a consequence of my being here. I think maybe revising how you work on the fly is expensive or something? Or that the gods are not in agreement. But I don't think it can possibly be that they're all on the same side and that side is pro-Companions-can't-think-any-which-way-about-gods."

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:I can think about gods: Rolan sends, slowly. :I can follow all of the things you said. It seems very wrong to try to change how my mind works because of it. It also feels deeply wrong to, well, scheme to fight the gods. I can acknowledge that some of their management choices are suboptimal: 

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"Well, that's more encouraging than the model I had of you before, I guess. I don't actually know the details of the contents of your fight with Dara, you understand, I've been working off guesses based on hearsay about you, this is why I thought we ought to actually talk."

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:She kept saying that maybe we ought to free the Tayledras, even though I told her this was not the Heralds' job at all, leaving aside the fact that they seem perfectly happy with the arrangement. It was very frustrating. And then she would not stop insisting that she wanted me to convey messages, which is not what I am for, and - I was annoyed - I suppose we both exchanged some harsh words and then I - it was as though I suddenly was not in control anymore: 

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"Well. What are you for?"

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:Protecting Valdemar: The answer comes instantly. 

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"In what form, by what means -"

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Rolan is silent for long enough that it’s unclear he’s going to answer at all.

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:Is this normal?: Belrun asks Amshalan.

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:No?: Amshalan seems more confused than concerned.

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Belrun scoots a little bit back from Rolan. It's not that she actually thinks he's going to suddenly kick her but she'd like to have the reaction time to Fetch his legs out from under him if he does.

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Finally, Rolan shakes himself. :Well, it varies. Allying with foreign dark mages is not generally included though:

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:Why?:

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Rolan thinks for a while. 

:Most powerful foreign mages would not have Valdemar’s best interests at heart. I have no reason to think Leareth is different, there: 

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"What are Valdemar's best interests, in your understanding?"

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Another long pause to think. :Continued stable leadership, peace, prosperity, our citizens respecting our laws...: 

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"I can tell you that Leareth is not actually angling at instability, warfare, deprivation, or lawlessness, even if the most obvious way of achieving his ends would tend to have some of those as a side effect - I'm here specifically hoping to reduce the side effects."

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:Reducing side effects still does not exactly put Valdemar in a better position than Leareth leaving us alone: 

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"On what time scale?"

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Piercing look. :Is there a time scale on which you think it would result in a better rather than worse position for Valdemar, specifically?:

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"Compared to Valdemar freeloading on someone else's investment, probably not. Compared to Leareth spending the next five centuries doing something unrelated, yes. Did the information about the new Cataclysm filter its way to you?"

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A slow, ponderous nod. :You think Leareth has a way to stop it? And that no one else will stop it if he does not intervene, and his intervention requires something very costly of Valdemar?:

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"I'm optimistic that a less costly solution can be found but we can't postpone laying groundwork for the costlier one, it's not something that can be pulled together in the last week when all other avenues prove fruitless."

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:Hmm: 

Another long silence. 

:I do not think: Rolan sends, slowly, :that I could give you an answer on this, now, but - I will consider the matter. In the meantime, I suppose I will not cause any more upheaval around here by Choosing, even if I receive a Call which I have not so far: 

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"Thank you.

Is there any chance I can convince you it's in Valdemar's best interests for you to be an interpreter for the gods that made you? Talking to them directly as humans has not historically worked well and you'd have a much better shot if you were willing."

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Another silence. 

:I am not actually sure that I can talk to Them. The Groveborn have never done this. We receive a Foresight sense of what to do sometimes, that is all: 

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"Is there any harm in trying?"

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:I am not sure. There are no guidelines on it: 

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"You could ask for some."

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He blinks at her. :I mean, one would have to ask a god for guidelines, I assume, and asking a god questions is exactly the thing there are not guidelines on: 

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"Yes, I acknowledge the bootstrapping problem, but - people do actually ask gods for things all the time. Usually humans do it, but it's a common behavior, and usually what happens is nothing, but if it cost the gods anything to have people trying to communicate with them I think they'd try to discourage the practice."

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:Hmm: He doesn't say anything else. 

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"It could help a lot, potentially."

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:I will consider it: 

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"Thank you.

Do you have any questions for me?"

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:If you go back to Leareth, what are you intending to do next?:

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"...hug him? Resume my research projects."

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:It will be a rather unprecedented situation, having a Companion and presumptive Herald-trainee in a foreign realm, engaging in activities that I assume will be unrelated to Valdemar's governance: 

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"Yes, I know."

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He narrows his eyes at her for a moment, a weirdly human expression. 

:I do not have further questions at this time: he sends finally. 

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"Okay. Thank you for meeting with me."

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A ponderous, dignified horse-nod. :You are welcome: He hesitates. :I - wished to thank you also. For the scholarship that you plan to offer Dara. It is very generous and kind of you: 

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"Oh, I wasn't aware you'd heard. You're welcome."

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:Yfandes heard and told me: he clarifies. :The Companions in the herd do still talk to me: 

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"That makes sense."

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He tosses his mane. :If that is all, then...?: 

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"I think so. Thanks again."

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Rolan disappears off into the field at a dignified walk. 

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:So? Seems like that wasn't the most productive but at least it wasn't a disaster: 

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:Yeah, not a best case but hardly a worst case:

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:Well. Want me to give you a lift back to the guest wing?:

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:Yes thank you:

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Amshalan carries her back over and drops her off right outside the door. :Goodnight, Belrun. I'm really proud of everything you've done today. Sleep well - oh, and if you're having difficulty because you miss Leareth, do feel free to come to my stall anytime, I won't mind: A speculative glance back at Belrun. :I wonder if Leareth could build us accommodations where I could actually fit. Though I suppose you'll want to share a bed with Leareth again and perhaps you don't want your Companion watching from nearby: 

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:You're very snuggly but I would rather be in bed with him and not supervised when this is again possible - also had to Heal a crick in my neck when I did sleep over with you. But maybe hallways and doorframes don't have to be so oppressive:

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:Makes sense. I would love to live somewhere I could just wander around - I wonder how much of why we haven't rebuilt the core wing here isn't just that it'd be inconvenient, but that it'd make it really obvious to the Council and such that Companions are people? And for some reason the current system seems to steer away from that. Anyway. Goodnight!: 

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:Goodnight:

And Belrun sleeps.

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In the morning, shortly after someone brings her breakfast, Shavri arrives. "Morning! Sleep all right?" 

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"Adequately. Any joy on getting me home soon?"

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"Yes! Savil dropped off the message yesterday, checked this morning and got a reply. He wants to collect you from a spot by the northern border, not the same one as the message-drop location, but Savil can Gate you there. In a bit. This is kind of a lot of Gating for her and she's taking a nap right now. Vanyel would offer to do it if we told him so we haven't told him." 

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"I should get packing then! Thank you for everything - and Savil too - and Vanyel for his, uh, counterfactual self-sacrifice -"

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"You're welcome! I'm going to miss having you around, honestly, I wish we'd gotten more of a chance to talk Healing research; maybe we could exchange letters later...?" 

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"Sure, why not? I brought all my eggs with me up north, and they shouldn't have had much time to deteriorate since I left, I'll be picking right up and can send you copies of my papers in addition to U Petras."

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"Amazing! And Leareth should be able to set you up with lots of resources for that, I assume. Anyway, he's also going to arrange to send over an actual diplomatic team, although not at the same time, he wrote in the letter that if a god wants to interfere with that he'd prefer it not involve interfering with your pickup too. You can pack up, and anyone who wants to say goodbye will probably swing by in the next couple of candlemarks, if that's all right?" 

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"Sounds like a plan!"

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Then over the course of the morning, quite a few people will swing by! One of them is Tantras. "Er, Belrun?" 

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"...Herald Tantras."

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He clasps his hand behind his back and looks her in the eye, though he seems stiff and uncomfortable about it. 

"I wanted to say some things. I'm still pretty concerned that Leareth's values don't line up with what I think is right. And I'm not going to back down on that just because he's extremely powerful and Valdemar probably wouldn't win the war if we had one, especially not if he's got Vanyel onto his side. But - it does seem like the sensible thing at this point is to talk about our differences, even though that's also - something that concerned me, going into this, I objected to the talks happening at all on the grounds that it seemed like an obvious try at manipulating us. But at this point I think you're working in good faith, and if that's true of you then - probably it's true of Leareth." A rueful half-smile. "And I think glaring at you probably didn't help things, so, I apologize for that." 

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"Well. I'm glad I could help, and you are forgiven for glaring."

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"You're welcome. I, er, good luck with everything, and I respect your courage here." He nods to her, still rather stiffly, and escapes. 

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Belrun resumes packing. :Amshalan, do you have any stuff? Presumably not the amount and kind of stuff a human would have but if you do have stuff I want to bring it - I don't know if saddles are shared or not -:

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:Right, yes, I have a saddle and tack which belong to me - a couple of saddles, actually, the one for really long-distance riding on circuit is a bit more heavy-duty. I'll arrange to be wearing one set and to have the rest packed up to go with you: 

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:Thanks!:

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Vanyel is the last person to come bid his farewells. "I'm sorry for running off on you last night." 

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"It's okay. Are you feeling better?"

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"Yes." He doesn't seem to want to talk about that. "You learned useful things from the Archives?" 

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"Yes, thank you for showing me."

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"You're welcome." Vanyel makes slightly awkward chitchat with her for a couple minutes before seeming to consider his social dues paid. "I guess I'll see you in the next dream?"

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"Mm-hm!" Hug?

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Hug!

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And she is all packed and ready whenever Savil is.

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Savil arrives at around noon. "Here, I brought a packed lunch for you just in case there's some sort of delay with Leareth collecting you. My plan is to raise the Gate, it's to a town called Devin, little ways past the official Valdemaran border but I chased some bandits thataways once. You'll want to ride out to a place a little outside town, here." She hands Belrun a map as well. "Does all of that sound all right with you?" 

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She peers at the map, shows it to Amshalan. "That looks doable, thank you."

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"All right, good. My thought was to do it from the Heralds' temple doorway, it's plenty big enough for Amshalan, and it's been used a lot for Gates which makes it easier. Let's head over?" 

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She nods and swings up onto Amshalan's back.

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They head to the temple, and Savil raises a nice big Gate on the arched bronze doorway. It opens onto a rutted track on the edge of town, so Belrun can hopefully avoid having to explain her presence to a dozen curious locals. 

"Good luck!" Savil says brightly, nodding for her to head through. 

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"Thank you!"

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Savil drops the Gate as soon as she's through, leaving Belrun alone on a peaceful, pleasant countryside trail, surrounded by tall beech trees. 

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:Oh that feels so much better:

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Amshalan carries her along the route specified. :Was he coming in person for this? I guess the plan didn't specify, maybe he wanted to leave it unclear. Does it feel like he's close? Or just not as far as before?: 

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:I don't have a lot of practice with fine gradations. I think close-ish:

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Amshalan keeps trotting down the path. They hit a fork. :Hmm, it was left here, right?: 

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Belrun checks the map.

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It is, indeed, left. 

Shortly later they pass a large, humped rock that sort of vaguely resembles the silhouette of a bear, as specified, and then–

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Leareth materializes from under a shield and illusion, along with half a dozen of his mages, and jogs in her direction. "Belrun!" 

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"Leareth!!" She slides down from Amshalan, and resists breaking into a run, but holds out her arms.

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"It is so good to see you. I cannot describe how much I missed you." He hugs her, picks her up and swings her around, kisses her. :We will Gate out in a moment, I just needed to hug you first: 

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Mmmmkiss. :I love you, I'm so glad that's over with - make sure there's room for Amshalan:

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:Of course. I am so grateful you were willing and able to do this, I am far more hopeful of a non-war outcome here: He releases her, turns to cast the Gate, then pauses briefly. :It makes me wonder if at least one Power is solidly on our side after all:

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:Rolan said he'd consider asking, so maybe we'll find out!:

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:Oh. That would be fascinating information: Leareth turns and starts to actually cast the Gate, shaping a threshold on thin air, plenty tall and wide enough for a Companion.

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–And then a twig cracks and something rustles in the undergrowth to their left. 

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Leareth spins around, the half-finished threshold crumbling with a few sparks of magic as he flings up a shield instead. :Belrun, get on Amshalan do it NOW: 

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- Belrun scrambles back toward her Companion without arguing about it, hauls herself up -

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A clutch of inky-black creatures explode out of the bushes, intertwining too-long scaly bodies that make it hard to pick out where one ends and the other begins, milky eyes, and running straight at Leareth. 

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His accompanying mages immediately jump forward to flank him. 

:Belrun, just stay th–:

And then the creatures reach his shield, and suddenly there is not a shield there anymore. 

:Nevermind RUN!: 

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She clings to the saddle, craning her neck to see while Amshalan carries her out of harm's way.

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The creatures have horrifyingly long claws and needle-sharp teeth and there are a lot of them and - magic doesn't work, it just vanishes the moment they come into contact with it, as though they're eating it–

The party has mundane weapons as well, of course, and they use them, wielding daggers and short swords against the creatures. A couple of them go down, but they so do two of the party - they're closing in, trying to shelter Leareth, who's attempting a Gate again - but one of the creatures gets around and snaps at it and it shatters–

–and then Belrun is out of sight. It's not obvious that any of the wyrsa are pursuing her. 

:I will attempt to get a message out: Leareth barks to her. :So that someone will come for you, if I do not...: He doesn't finish the sentence. :Keep running: 

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:Is it just magic they destroy or could I be helping if -:

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:They may not be resistant to Fetching if they catch up - or Healing - but do NOT turn back. Get as much distance as you can–:

And his mindvoice cuts off, a burst of pain hitting Belrun through the lifebond. 

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"AAAAAAAGH!"

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:I'm so sorry. Please hold on - I'm sure he'll–: Amshalan stops, just puts on an even greater burst of speed, she's carelessly leaping over obstacles, trees whooshing by on either side, branches inches from Belrun's head but never hitting her - Amshalan almost seems to be skipping over the intervening space, sometimes, when there's something really big in her way. 

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Leareth manages to concentrate long enough to get a two-second burst via the communication spell, to Nayoki. <Under attack come retrieve Belrun>, and then the last of his accompanying mages goes down - his protective artifacts have a little more durability against the wyrsa's attacks and that buys him some time, in a burst of desperation he takes down three or four of them at once in a single fireball - it's not magic anymore once it's cast, just mundane heat–

–but there are too many and his protective artifacts go down - he's so confused, this species of wyrsa is one he knows but it should be native only to the Pelagirs on the other side of the western mountains, near the Haighlei lands, how did they get here of all places. It doesn't matter now though. 

He's not getting out of this alive. Either he's going to bleed to death or be eaten alive within the next couple of minutes, while the the pack maybe catches up with his lifebonded, or he can - preempt them, take the rest out now...

:Belrun. I am so sorry. I will come find you again, I promise–:

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:What -:

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:I think this is the work of some god who disapproved of Valdemar's potential alliance with us and you need to get word to Valdemar as soon as you can: He can't keep the pain out of his mindvoice at this point. :I am going to - make sure the rest do not pursue you. Please - try - very hard - to wait for me...: 

And then there is only fire. 

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She doesn't scream this time.

She mumbles vaguely at Amshalan :thinks we have to tell Valdemar: and sits, rigid, in the saddle, eyes staring without seeing at the scenery as it flashes past.

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:It's going to be all right - I'm here - I'm not going anywhere...: Amshalan keeps sending a litany of words that Belrun may or may not be processing, and all the love and caring and reassurance that she can force along their bond, and she keeps running while the forest burns behind them.

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And at some interval, minutes or hours later, a mindvoice reaches out to Belrun, finds Amshalan as well. :You can stop running now. Stay where you are. We are coming: 

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And a while later Nayoki and a party of at least two dozen powerful mages all reach her, by a mix of riding regular horses and hopping via short range-Gates. They don't wait at all, just raise a nice wide Gate and nudge Amshalan through and then they're in the north again.

:Belrun: Nayoki is saying. :Belrun. Can you look at me: Her mindvoice is tight, controlled, but still leaking hints of distress around the edges. 

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:Don't you dare try to Mindheal me:

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:I am not going to do anything: There isn't, in fact, obviously anything that can be done, and she only looked with her Sight for a moment - it was the fastest way to confirm one way or another whether they were looking for a badly-injured Leareth as well. :I wanted to say I am very sorry. What do you need right now: 

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:Don't know. Amshalan I guess.

I should write him a letter. Do you know how long it usually takes him to find his way back -:

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:Weeks to years? I think he has some control of it, he will come back faster for you. Are you not planning to stay here: 

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:I - he said we had to tell Valdemar what happened. Might have been a god who didn't like the idea of an alliance.

...I think maybe I should - go home to my mother -

- I can't stay here:

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:I understand. We will send a message with the diplomatic party, I think, we - might as well still send one, though it seems riskier: 

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:Yeah. Can you - confirm with me that you did that, so I know the message got through -:

:- Amshalan, can you reach anybody from here?:

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Amshalan tries. Tries harder. :No, I can't, I'm sorry. I'll try again later when I'm less tired: 

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:Of course: Nayoki is saying. :We can arrange to gate you to Petras when you are ready for that: 

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:And my eggs and my notes and - I think I should go back to the university and try to stay as busy as I can - they'll take me -:

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:I imagine they will, you are very talented. We can take care of packing up your work: 

They're not in the same facility as the last time; this one is a lot bigger and seems more military in nature, but the section they're in is pretty empty. The halls and doors are big enough to fit Amshalan though. Nayoki steers Belrun to a comfortable if impersonal guest-room, with a bed and a writing desk and paper in it. It's also big enough to fit Amshalan, though it looks like the doorway might have been rather hastily modified to allow this; rather than straw, there's a nest of blankets cut into strips laid down for her. 

:Someone will bring you supper later: she says. :Call for me in Mindspeech if you need anything tonight: 

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:Thank you:

She gets off Amshalan and collapses against her.

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Amshalan will stay right there, being warm and soft and cuddly, not saying much. 

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Eventually, Belrun writes a letter.

Before she leaves she makes sure Leareth's people have it and know to give it to him.

And she goes home to her mother.