- do you need anything -

Leareth doesn't know - he's scared and still kind of confused about where he is right now and he's so, so tired and he wants it to stop -

That makes sense. I'm sorry. 

...He didn't manage to take any notes before going to sleep, can Maitimo remind him what happened - he's too exhausted to write it down right now but it might at least help him feel more located, instead of lost in a formless tangle of past and future where there's no way of predicting what might happen next. 

We talked to Vanyel. It left you pretty overwhelmed. You decided you wanted to get the memories and leave Lórien right away. We did that.

Was talking to Vanyel the part that was overwhelming? That sort of doesn't make sense, compared to the 'talking to a god' part, and it's hard to remember which emotions were attached to what – also maybe he's cold, he seems to be shivering. He's so tired. 

He can get out an extra blanket. Vanyel mentioned that he'd been injured back in Velgarth and couldn't do magic normally when you pulled him through. That was distressing, presumably because you hadn't realized how close a call things were. Then you talked to Lórien and got the memories back and that was very overwhelming.

Oh. Right. He - hadn't remembered that, quite, probably it would have come to him when something reminded him of it but it's still upsetting that his recall is that dubious. 

Leareth mumbles out his thanks and curls up with his blanket and tries to go back to sleep. 

He can sing to help with that.

It helps.

Leareth wakes up several more times before - well, it's not like 'morning' is a thing here, which really isn't helping with the feeling that he's lost in a place where linear time doesn't exist. He eventually gives up on getting any more sleep, though. He's incredibly exhausted and has a tension headache but he's starting to hate the entire concept of sleep.

This is such a stupid problem to be having. 

Do you want me to ask Lórien whether this comes up a lot and how it is usually handled?

...Sure, Leareth would appreciate that, as long as he doesn't personally have to go back into the magic garden. 

Maitimo can do it himself. He heads off to do that.

Leareth sits at the mouth of the tent with two blankets wrapped around himself, and looks up at the stars. He can distract himself enough with that to mostly avoid having any thoughts. 

He is back not all that much later. 

Lórien can do more things, to make the memories feel - less recent, mostly. If you don't want that there are also teas that help reduce vivid dreams. 

Leareth will try the teas and he wants to ask Melody if she can do anything, and if neither of those work then maybe he'll consider going back to Lórien. Unless Maitimo thinks that's a stupid way to prioritize things and he should just go to Lórien now, in which case - he doesn't want to but it could still be the best available option? 

No? I guess I'd consider it if there were another evil god and it was very urgent we have you back as soon as possible but it isn't, actually.

All right. Then, if they're not going anywhere in a hurry, Leareth wants - for Maitimo to hold him again, maybe, if he's okay with that. And he can spend a while not trying to do anything or track what's happening around him and figure out what it means, and just...notice that each moment that's happening is fine, actually, and doesn't involve any suffering. It's not as restful as sleep but it's less exhausting than trying to think about the future. 

They can do that. He is a Quendi and can hold very still for a very long time.

Then eventually Leareth will fall asleep on him, because he slept very badly. 

Rúmil said that most people made most of their progress in the first fifty years, starting not from when they were rescued but from when they decided to start taking actions. He is not planning to tell Leareth this because it seems like it might add pressure but it's useful to sort of set his own expectations. Sometimes it seems like Leareth is halfway better but he's not, really, he's on the first step of a thousand mile journey, and that's fine. 

He sings. 

Leareth sleeps a lot more solidly this time – if Maitimo is willing to stay still long enough then he'll sleep for another four hours easily. 

If Leareth can endure five years of torture for him he can hold still even though his leg itches for four hours.

Leareth wakes up slowly, still pretty disoriented but calmer about it - he's warm and comfortable, which is weird, but not yet alarming. "...Where are we?" Probably he should know the answer to that question but he's having trouble picking it apart from the jumbled fragments of too-vivid dreams. 

"Camping in the forest just outside Lórien. We were going to talk to Vanyel before we head back to Tol Eressëa. If you are up for it, you wanted to show him Tirion."