"Do you...?" It would be really nice to be hugged again, actually, but Leareth isn't sure he has outright asked to be hugged in the last fifty years - even leaving aside the part where wanting things and asking for them is frustratingly terrifying - and he's sort of stuck.

(He leaves those thoughts public, that seems to be the best way to get unstuck when the problem is that he can't use words to say things, which is a stupid problem, but, anyway.) 

- Maitimo kind of feels like he is being messed with at this point but that's very unreasonable, there's just a big pile of trauma and a species gap and attendant culture gap. Of course Leareth can have a hug. Very carefully in a not-scary way.

Careful non-scary hug is more safe-feeling than anything has been in a while and Leareth will stay like that for a pretty long time before getting restless. 

(Where 'pretty long time' is half an hour or so, which may not be especially long by Quendi standards.) 

He is aware it is way longer than Leareth has wanted comfort or intimacy at any other point in their acquaintance. 

He is really really frustrated that his boyfriend is on another continent. And also that they're ambiguously not dating but he's pretty sure he could fix that in five minutes if they were on the same continent. 

Leareth thanks Maitimo again and then says he would like a bit to be alone, and he goes outside and spends a while staring up at the stars and trying to remember. 

He helps Leareth keep his notes on what they're doing. They talk about things. Leareth should maybe get a bath and get fitted for new clothes; he's lost weight. Unlike the hair thing this is not awkward at all. 

They get word a few days later that the Valar will permit Leareth to travel to Lórien in light of the fact he's been stripped of his magic but absolutely not if he ever gets it back. 

That is reasonable and cautious of the Valar and Leareth is not sure he's ever going to want to go to Lórien again anyway – though it's a little unclear to him whether it means that he's banned from all of Valinor if he gets his magic back as well. 

"I think so. Sorry."

That does feel more costly, but it's a cost that utterly makes sense he has to pay, now, and - well, he does remember thinking he wanted to show Vanyel Tirion, but he can do that without magic even if he hates every single minute he spends without his Gifts that isn't a productive way to think about it and he won't. 

They can go to Lórien. 

That's a boat ride and then a long ride by horse if Leareth's up for it and on foot if he's not.

Riding is fine. 

And they'll be in range to get updates from Vanyel about how Randi is doing!

Vanyel is incredibly delighted to convey that Randi is feeling great. Lórien isn't sure if the healing will be permanent, he might need to come back, but for the moment at least, he's not in pain and he's getting himself in shape again and Shavri is so happy. 

Shavri is also curious to meet Leareth but understands he may not really be up for talking to new people. 

He's doing a lot better! He has concluded we are probably not malicious hallucinations from Melkor. There's - a lot to work through, obviously. But I feel much more confident he'll eventually be okay.

:That's really good! What do you think convinced him on that so fast? I thought that was going to be really hard and take years:

That is usual and what I was expecting. I think Melkor maybe wasn't very convincing with the malicious hallucinations? He couldn't use Velgarth magic, right, and we could. I pointed out to him that if Melkor could use compulsions he wouldn't need to do elaborate hallucinatory scenarios to make Leareth make him Gates. - he hadn't known. That he made Melkor some Gates. Still doesn't know why. 

:Oh. Gods. How did he - take it, learning that? I mean, probably better than I would, he's Leareth, but...: Maybe not now. 

It upset him. I think he - doesn't have a lot of confidence that he makes good decisions, and having that is very important for almost everything he wants to do. We're hoping the memories will help. 

:Oh. Right. That...makes sense, I mean, he has to, right? If you're going to try to do really big things you have to trust yourself that you can do it right: 

Yeah. 

Also I think he feels guilty that he could've hurt us. And confused about that because apparently it's not how he usually operates. 

:Huh. That - isn't how he usually does things, no. Weird. I don't really know what to make of that: 

I think he'd appreciate talking to you, whatever exactly is going on.

:Of course. I've been really wanting to talk to him - wasn't sure when he would be ready for that, I was prepared to wait a long time, but... I'm here. Whenever:

He will pass this on to Leareth.

"Is he angry with me?" This is a stupid question. Vanyel is almost certainly not angry with him. Leareth keeps expecting it anyway. This is almost certainly Melkor's fault but knowing that isn't enough to make him stop feeling that way.