"That's a good idea! I'll do that." Relief and hope, but quickly fading to embarrassment. "...I wish I could do it faster. I know it doesn't help to feel bad that I can't do this really basic thing that everyone else can, but...I don't know, it's hard to just feel fine about it." 

A lot of people are actually terrible about sleep! They just have more cushion. But I'd be frustrated too if I were you; it's hard to understand something that literally everybody manages most days as something that's really hard. But most people can run, and some of them are faster than others, and that doesn't matter that much till they have to outrun a bear, and you've got a heck of a bear to stay ahead of.

That actually gets a smile and a weak chuckle from Vanyel. "I'll try to keep that in mind." 

We will try to find ways to work on your bear. And on how well you run.

A more convincing smile. "That sounds good."

It's bizarre, actually, how different it feels – Vanyel isn't sure why it ought to be less embarrassing to be in a permanent state of metaphorically fleeing a pursuing bear, than a permanent state of having a giant hole, either way it obviously isn't his fault, but...somehow the vague picture of learning to run faster feels better, lighter, less pathetic, than one of tiptoeing more skillfully around a giant pit in his soul. 

Anything I could try to do directly about said bear would be concerningly experimental but I can look at it and see what it's doing as it improves on its own and maybe when I've gotten a good model of it I'll be able to accelerate that without taking too bad a risk. For now your big gains are going to be in correcting your sleep deficit and making conservative choices about stuff like drinking.

"That makes sense." For almost the first time, his affect is genuinely optimistic. "If sleep is something that helps me metaphorically run faster... I don't actually like drinking that much, it's fun sometimes but a lot of the time I just feel weird if I don't have an actual reason not to. But that's... I mean, if I do have an actual reason, I don't have to tell people it's because getting drunk too much makes me worse at running away from a metaphorical bear, I can just think it and then say 'not tonight' and if you say it like you mean it people generally don't press..." 

He trails off, and...blushes. "Um, there's something else I keep forgetting that I wanted to talk to you about."

Oh?

"I–" embarrassment, "–was trying to decide whether to, um," louder embarrassment, "spend the evening with Tran tonight. He invited me. to come over and...well it was in Mindspeech so I'm pretty sure he meant to, um," EMBARRASSMENT, "you know, fool around. I said probably? But I don't know if I, um, should." 

Why not?

"It sounds really nice, actually, but I'm worried I would get distracted and stay up late." That doesn't seem to be all of it, though. Vanyel hesitates, chews on some thought. "...I think I'm scared I'll put my foot in it somehow and he won't like me anymore? Or that... I don't know. I don't know what I'm scared will happen. Just. Something." 

Did anything like that happen last time?

"With Tran? I mean, not that I specifically remember. I was pretty drunk. I probably said things that were stupid. It doesn't seem like he cared, but..." 

But he invited you over again.

"That's...true..." Vanyel's affect is relief and hope and reluctance all tangled together. "I don't know. I think I want to go, but I have weird feelings about it." 

You seem conflicted, yeah. If you're not going to be drunk this time are you more or less likely to say silly things?

"Um. Less likely to say dumb things. Probably I'm more likely to just be boring? I don't know why Tran thinks I'm fun to be around, it seems really implausible, I guess I'm scared he's going to...notice that, or something."

Sigh. "Which is stupid because we've been friends for years. Obviously he likes something about me. Who knows what." 

I don't have a way to guarantee that this isn't the day that changes; people do sometimes stop being friends. I'm not seeing any really special risks compared to other days, though.

Vanyel straightens his shoulders. "I'm going to do it, then. Actually, I want to take thirty seconds and try Mindspeak him and confirm right now, so I can say the part about wanting to not drink and to go to bed at a reasonable time." 

He closes his eyes and goes quiet for - actually it's closer to a full minute, but when he opens his eyes he's smiling. 

"He says that sounds good - um, and he offered that I should skip Mindspeech-relay. Which means I don't have to go to bed as early, it just has to be before you do. Were you still going to talk to him today about the earcuff?" 

That's my plan. Probably right after we're done here.

Nod. "Are we done? I feel like that hit everything on the list and I don't think there's anything else I had." 

What time should I come by about sleep tonight?

"Candlemark after sunset? I should be back by then, er, if I'm not in my room I won't be far – can you use subtle arts to find me at a distance? I know I can find you but not sure if it works the other way." 

Yes, I can find you if you're not too far off.

"Good." Vanyel ducks his head. "How's your magic research going? To talk to your friend back in Arda?"