"Yeah. 

"I guess that's good. But I don't know - I don't even know what a decent relationship with you looks like. Since - I don't think it can look the way it used to."

"Yeah. This - is okay. It's not great but we hug, and we talk, and we can play with the baby. And Sending Verita on her birthday."

"...it's a lot better than it's been. But it doesn't feel -

" - I'm not in a place where I know how to find any more of myself. And I don't know how to get there."

"Hmmm. And you don't think it's getting any better with time?"

"I dunno. Things definitely hurt less than they did? But I still feel - empty.

"I don't really know what level of being okay is the point where you decide that that's about as good as things as going to get and insisting on more than that would be - stupid."

"Am I - insisting?"

"No, I just mean - I don't know how to know what being basically okay feels like.

"I guess I didn't feel like this before. Even before I met you."

"Even in Cheliax, huh."

"Yeah. I was - more actively scared, than I am right now. But a lot less - broken. There were more pieces of me that worked."

Nod. "I don't know how to fix anything. I wish -" Sigh. "Doesn't matter."

Nod.

"I guess I don't - really know what I should be doing. If I'm not immediately sure how to be more fixed than this. I kind of thought that I would work on being okay with touching you, but I don't know if I still... have all of the pieces of that that I used to. Or how I would go about finding them."

"I am hopeful that with time you'll make more progress. Or we can try to get you more people to interact with?"

" - oh. Yeah, I was - thinking about asking if I could talk to Fazil's wife. Not because I know how it'll help, just - mostly because she's the only person I can think of besides you and Zakiya who I both know and am allowed to speak to.

"I guess there's also arguably my nephew. But he'd hate it here. Even if we could get word to him."

"We could bribe him? He wouldn't have to stay that long, just a couple weeks might help - meet his baby cousin - and of course you can talk to Fazil's wife."

"I dunno what his life is like. I'd - mostly expect him to be terrified of any sort of offer from the pharaoh of Osirion and refuse to come. If he's even allowed to leave the country.

" - it would be allowed for me, right, to see him - "

"Yeah, he's family."

"Okay. Didn't know where they draw the line."

"Nephews comes up a lot because lots of girls in the palace have sisters here. Normally."

"Oh. Makes sense. I guess.

"I think he'd find it all pretty upsetting, though."

"That makes sense. Maybe we can try other things first and do that if you still feel - stuck and not making progress - after you have more friends here and stuff?"

"I don't really know how to make friends. Plural."

"Well, you like the one servant, you could meet another? And Fazil's wife - did you also know Mahdi's -"

"I wouldn't want to bother Mahdi with any of this. I guess I could meet more servants, but - it's sort of different, right. Zakiya - isn't a normal friend, exactly, even apart from being a servant. It's just - she's taken care of me when I couldn't take care of myself. So I know I can trust her to take care of me."

"And it'd be hard to trust anyone else to do that, when you'd be starting out not knowing if they could?"

"I guess. I guess I also don't know if - the thing that me and Zakiya are is even best described as 'friends', or if it's very much like other kinds of making friends with someone. I don't know if we have - common interests, or if we'd be friends in other circumstances.

"I guess I don't really know what I should expect to get out of having friends. I don't know that I'd ever had a close friend before - you. And the thing that I get out of being friends with Zakiya is mostly that - she is good at making other aspects of my life tolerable. Essential for it. But I don't know how close we are as... people."