He is very good about holding her and not doing any other things. 

That's good.

"M'trying to think about what I want from - being married. But it's actually very hard to think about."

"That makes sense. Do you know what you used to want?"

"A long time ago. Maybe. Some."

"What did you want back then?"

"Wanted to have someone I knew I would always be safe with. Wanted to feel - precious, and important, and loved. Wanted to make you happy. I guess make you feel the same way. Wanted to - have someone who would help me take care of Verita, I guess. Someone who I could rely on and work together with and - not have to wear armor around. Because I knew they wouldn't hurt me.

" - and I definitely wanted to have sex with you before, but I don't - really know if I still have that."

"Oh. 

That makes sense but is going to be really hard, to get back."

"Yeah."

"I do want to give you that."

"I don't even really know what it means anymore. What - pieces it consists of. But that's what I remember wanting. Remember thinking I had."

"Well. You'll have it again once he's ready. We just have to survive until then, I guess."

"I don't - actually know if everything would be better again if you were the way you were. I still want it, it's still the most important thing to me, but - "

"- I am pretty sure if I were back to the way I was I could fix this. I really think so. I don't know how or I'd do it now, but I bet I could."

Nodnod.

"Yeah. I think - probably. I know I thought you'd be able to before I let you break me, it was kind of - I didn't know how to climb back out on my end, but I thought the other you would be able to find me anyway. Somehow.

"I just - I think if you were back the way you were that would not automatically fix things. Not on my end."

"- I don't know what all I'd do or I could just do it now, like I said, but I think it would definitely start with declaring in some very dramatic fashion that I was the worst person in the entire universe and would consider myself very lucky if you would let me continue to hang out close enough to keep you out of danger and feed you. Which is not very much automatically fixing things."

...nodnod. Snuggle.

"I want - you to be okay - very very badly. But I don't think I could get there by pretending to be - I'm not that good at pretending -"

"Yeah. I understand.

"Nice to imagine for a second, though. - I guess that's probably a good sign."

"I think so."

"Don't do very much imagining anymore. I used to - think about it a lot more."

"Seems like an important part of being you."

"I guess. I don't really remember how to be me."

"I'm hoping - with time -"

"Maybe.

"It's hard to think about - being me. It's like - like it's really hard to think about any of the other stuff while my marriage is this messed up. Only I don't actually have any idea how to fix it at all. And - I feel like maybe I could think about other stuff if I just gave up on having a relationship with you, but I also don't want to do that, so - "

"I don't want you to do that either. I'm not going to give up on you."