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Abadar uses a helm of opposite alignment on Hagan and a bad time is had by all
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She's staring at the wall. She doesn't look at him.

"I don't know."

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"Do you want me to do the spell again?"

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"I don't - think so."

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" - cool! Uh, not the specific preference, I don't mind that either way, but - you were saying last night you had a hard time having them -"

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She nods and looks at her blanket and tries not to look scared.

(She is scared. She is scared that he's going to realize that she wasn't perfect at getting rid of her preferences, and that she still has some of them, like not being mind controlled into being vulnerable and not being in more pain and not being confused about what her orders are, and he will think that she was being melodramatic about everything else and be angry with her for making him think there was a problem.)

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"Do you want anything else -"

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"I don't know."

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"Okay. Well, I'm not supposed to visit but you could write me, if you think of anything."

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"Okay.

"Did you want to - talk about anything - "

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"I just want you and the baby to be okay."

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"They didn't think there was anything wrong with it, last I heard."

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"Good. So you can focus on yourself."

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"I guess so."

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He sighs. 

 

He leaves.

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She curls up under her covers and feels sick and sad and scared about how she isn't whatever he wants her to be.

If Zakiya has any more advice maybe she can ask about it.

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"What are you scared of exactly -"

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"Don't know what happens if he gets angry about it."

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"He might kill you, right? He almost definitely wouldn't, because you are carrying his child, but he might and that's pretty scary. Axis is nicer than here, but - still pretty scary."

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"I don't know if I'm going to Axis. And I think he doesn't take the helmet off if I'm not alive to ask about it."

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"Makes sense. What stuff did you say to him today, did it make him mad?"

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"I can't tell. He didn't yell at me. I think - I said the healers said there wasn't anything wrong with the baby, and he said that meant I could focus on me, and I said I guess so, and he sighed and left. - there were some other things but I don't - oh, I think - he asked if I wanted the spell again, and I said no, and he said he was happy that I had a preference."

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"Okay. So you got through it and he didn't kill you or even get mad at you. That's a win."

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...nod.

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"Do you feel good about it?"

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"I don't think I feel very good about anything."

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