She finds a big tree and sits down with her back against it. She doesn't cry. It would be so incredibly stupid to cry, not knowing what she was crying about but being pretty sure that it had to do with people's opinions of her as a romantic interest.

She does bite her hand.

It takes her a little bit to find her. Not very long. There isn't really all that much rainforest.

"Do you - wanna be alone - ?"

" - no, it's fine. Just taking a break to be an idiot about - it doesn't matter."

Nodnod. She sits down next to her.

"If you did want to say what it was, I wouldn't be bored. But if you don't I brought a book."

She laughs, weakly. 

" - stupid conversation I was having with Hagan. I don't even remember how we got on the topic, but somehow we got on Osirian marriages, and - they have so many bizarre opinions about what makes a woman worthy of marriage. Has to be a virgin. By some bizarre definition that might disqualify people who have kissed boys and definitely doesn't disqualify people who've had sex with girls."

"Oh. I guess lots of cultures have had that. - minus the not counting lesbian sex. I'm - not really sure how many cultures have had that."

"I guess there are probably other places that do it."

"Yeah.

"Were you -  hoping he'd, like - "

"No! That's what makes it so stupid! I just - it doesn't matter, what anyone thinks of me, on this front, because I'm never going to be with anyone, no matter what the stupid fairy kid thinks, it's just - in Cheliax I could be certain of it because I didn't kiss boys, and in Osirion I can be certain because all Chelish girls are born succubi, or whatever."

" - does he think that?"

"Not literally. I guess the nonliteral version is probably close enough to true, by whatever bizarre definition of sex they use where he comes from."

Nod.

"Anyway. It doesn't matter."

"...sure. It's just that you're, uh, crying about it."

"I am not."

" - sorry. Almost crying."

" - fine. Just - don't laugh."

"I won't laugh."

"Fine. It doesn't matter what anybody thinks, because I'm never going to get married anyway, okay? Not because I'm a virgin or not, or anything stupid like that, just 'cause - I think I'm, like, dead, or something. More like a dead person than living people are supposed to be. And whatever parts let living people love each other are just - not there. And anybody who got close enough would know, okay? So it doesn't matter. Never been in love, never going to be, slightly less done being over it than I thought I was, not a big deal."

" - I guess that makes sense."

" - it does?"

" - I mean, uh, I'm never gonna get married either. - I guess it can't really be a general Imrainai trait, what with Elizabeth and Cecelia, but - it makes sense. It's not how I would say it, but it makes sense."

"Oh."

"Do you want, like, a hug?"

"...sure."