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the glaring celegorms thread
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Permalink Mark Unread

A second ago she was at work in the temple of Erastil in Sothis, which was actually going pretty okay, all things considered. Now she's in a grassy field with a couple fruit trees and a table and chairs and some notebooks and pens.

This is unexpected and requires a ton of power and is therefore sort of inherently terrifying. And she's alone, and defenseless, and she doesn't know where Verita is.

She mills around in steadily increasing amounts of distress until Hagan appears, just as suddenly.

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He looks around.

" - Imrainai?"

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" - oh good. I mean, not good, just - I don't know what this is - "

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"Well that makes two of us. How long have you been here?"

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"A few minutes. I don't know exactly."

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"Is there a note, or anything?"

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"Something on the table with the notebooks. I don't recognize the letters."

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He examines it.

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It's writing. It's not any of the languages he knows.

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"Huh."

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"I - really don't have any guesses."

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"I have a couple but none of them explain why you're here. Unless there's something you shoulda mentioned."

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"I appeared here, I looked around, I saw the note, I wandered around a little, you appeared."

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"That's - not the kind of thing." He sighs. He shivers. "I guess we sit here and wait for them to tell us what they want."

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"I guess."

She sits down in the grass under one of the trees. 

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And after a few more minutes, a crying woman holding a baby appears. She turns around, alarmed. 

" - what - "

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"Hi. ...let me guess, snatched randomly going about your business?"

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"I - yes."

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"Where're you from?"

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- okay, this is good, a few questions are good. If they're fairies. They don't look it. 

"I - England, originally. A moment ago I was in fairyland."

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" - is that even a place?"

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"Some places call the First Plane that. - you're human?"

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"Yes."

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"Living with the fae?"

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"Yes. I was - I found one in a fairy ring and he took me back home with him."

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"Ah."

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She holds her baby close and wipes her eyes.

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"Not interested in who we are?"

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" - I didn't mean - I'm not supposed to ask questions - "

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"We're not fae. Just humans. I'm from Osirion and she's from Cheliax."

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"Oh. I'm - not sure where that is. Do you - do you know where we are - "

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"No idea. We haven't been here very long."

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"I see."

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"Are you, like, okay? I mean, aside from the being randomly kidnapped, you - sort of look like you were having a bad day before that."

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She tries to answer this for a moment and then presses a hand to her mouth to keep from audibly sobbing.

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"'m sorry - "

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"No, don't be. Do you want - I dunno, a hug?"

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Nodnodnodnod.

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So she stands up and gives the crying lady a hug.

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He should give them some space probably. 

 

He does that.

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"You're okay. - I mean, actually you're probably not, you've sort of been kidnapped, I don't know why I said that, just - I'm not gonna hurt you and he's not gonna hurt you. And you can cry, if that helps, or whatever."

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Nodnod. "Who are - not your real name, sorry, I don't need to know that, just - if there's anything else you go by - "

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"I'm Imrainai. He's Hagan."

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"You're - why that name - "

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" - I dunno. I made it up when I was a kid. Needed something to call myself and wanted something that didn't sound Chelish."

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" - I - sorry, I'm sure it's nothing, I just - I used to tell stories to my children about someone named - that - "

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- she shoots a questioning look at Hagan.

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" - I'm not an expert on magic? ...you look kinda alike. If you were less ...Chelish and a bit older and had northern hair -"

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"You think so?"

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She does not know anything about any of this and so snuggles her baby.

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"Your baby?"

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Nod.

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"Fairy's?"

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Headshake. "From before."

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"Were you married, then, or - "

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Headshake. "Concubine. Didn't - didn't want to be. I was given to - I don't know where you're from, whether you've heard of Scandinavia there, but - it's the most powerful nation on the continent, they've taken over everything - their emperor has at least a dozen women at any given time, and he - so when I met the fairy I thought - I didn't know if it'd be worse but I had to - had to try something, right, for her sake if for no one else - "

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Nodnod. Hug.

 

"Is it? Worse?"

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She looks down and shakes her head.

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"Well, that's something."

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Nodnod. "Shouldn't be sad about it. It's better, really, it is, it's just - I'm an idiot, is all - "

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"Why's that?"

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"I thought he loved me. The fairy. I thought - he was so kind, sometimes, and I thought - but he doesn't. I'm a slave, really, and of course he wouldn't, I just - I thought - "

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"Oh, poor thing, lots of people are nice for a while. I guess maybe you wouldn't know, locked in some king's harem. It doesn't mean much."

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She sobs and nods.

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"Did he leave, or did he get mean?"

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"No, not that, no. I - he moved on. But I can't, I - belong to him."

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"Well. Only if you expect him to find you here. - do we expect anyone to find us here?"

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"Yes," he says quickly, and then a little quieter. "Yeah. Mahdi'll scry and if that doesn't work he'll ask some other people because he'll figure it was the cultists - I don't really think so, though -"

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Nod. "No reason they'd want just the two of us. And this one."

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"If we get rescued and you want to come back with us you can."

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"I - 

" - some of my children are still with their father, I couldn't leave. The fairy's going to help me get them back. - I think. He said he meant to. And there's a little one studying languages with the fairy's father, he wouldn't have anyone."

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Nod. 

"'m sorry. Just - don't let the cruelties of this life take your sights off the next one, right, someday it'll be okay -"

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Fervent nodding. Sniffle. "I hope so. 'm not sure I've been a very good Christian lately."

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"Going back, for your kids, that's Good."

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Nodnod. She snuggles her baby.

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Another person appears in the middle of nowhere. Stumbles. Looks around.

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" - Rána. - I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening - "

She's drying her eyes again. This really does not do much to hide the fact that she's been crying.

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He glares at the people presumably responsible for this. "Get away from her."

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"Did you do this? Because if not, pretty sure you're not in charge here."

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"In - charge - here? I don't know why we're here or what's happening. Just back away from Cecelia and then you can tell me all about it."

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He does not especially do this.

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" - do you want me to go?"

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"I -

" - they didn't do anything, I'm sorry - "

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He glances anxiously at the two of them again. 

" - come here -"

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She leaves the - other Imrainai - and comes over to him, still holding her baby tight. Sort of involuntarily looks at the ground instead of at him.

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She frowns at them a little but doesn't interfere with this.

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Hug. 

Whispered: "what's going on?"

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She kind of leans a little. She's holding a baby anyway.

"I don't know anything about the field, I just appeared here. They were already here. The crying's - please don't worry about it right now, it's nothing to do with any of this - "

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"Was my father difficult? He says cruel things sometimes but he doesn't mean them, promise -"

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Headshake. "No, your father's wonderful."

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"Okay." He goes back to looking at the other two of them. "Who're you - don't give your birth names -"

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"Let's just stick with 'Imrainai', then. I'm from Cheliax."

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"Never heard of it."

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"Different plane. Why the names rule, before I decide what to give you -"

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"If you give me your birth name then I shall have to take you home with me and I already have all the mortals I can feed."

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"Hagan. You know how to leave this place?"

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"No, I don't."

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"You shouldn't just - may I tell them the rules - "

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" - I'd like to know more about what's going on before I make it easier for them -"

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- nod. "Okay."

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"What does that mean?"

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"There are a lot of rules about fairies. It's not a good idea to interact with fairies without knowing the rules. Cecelia could explain them to you but I would rather know who decided to kidnap us before giving them - one of the things they might be wishing to get out of having kidnapped us. You'd be entirely safe if you'd leave us alone."

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"Easier to leave people alone when they're not being a piece of shit to their slaves. Just in general."

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"He's not. Please, I'm sorry, I was very upset, I didn't - "

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"What is your problem!"

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"I just told you."

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"I take good care of her."

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With some difficulty he looks away, at the ground.

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She half-hugs Rána.

"M'sorry. I might have confused them. I was - I'm sorry."

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"It doesn't take much to confuse stupid people."

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She does not look very happy about this characterization, but she doesn't say anything.

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"There's a note for us. If either of the two of you can read it."

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"I guess I could try?" 

She looks at Rána.

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"Yeah, go on -"

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She gets it from the table and holds it out to her from a little ways away.

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She takes it.

"It's the Latin alphabet. Can't make much sense of the words."

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"Huh."

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"We didn't recognize the alphabet. - you didn't either, right?"

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"I didn't."

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"So... maybe whoever did this is closer to where you're from than where we're from."

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Nodnod. "Maybe."

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"Did you ask them how long they've been here?" he asks Catherine.

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"They said not very long. I don't know specifically."

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"How long do you think it was, before she showed up? Half an hour? I think it was longer between her and us than between me and you, or between her and him - "

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"Not more than half an hour. And yeah, he came faster after that." Glare.

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"Oh, did I interrupt something?"

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He holds up his hands defensively and steps away. "No, no, no, I barely spoke with her. Never went near her."

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- he is confused.

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"I gave her a hug," she says, neutrally. This is not really new information because she was hugging Cecilia when he appeared.

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"I'm not -" Sigh. "I think you have some misapprehensions here. - I don't know what they are but I think there are some of them. I don't - I don't treat her like a slave - I'm not angry you touched her unless she minds -"

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Earnest headshake. "They were nice."

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" - okay. Then I guess - you can talk to her some more if you want to?"

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" - in what sense do you not treat her like a slave?"

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"We're staying at my court overnight because she wanted to. I hate it."

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"O...kay? You let her have what she wanted one time and that constitutes not treating her like a slave, where you come from?"

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" - yes? I'm not making her pay for it, either, she couldn't, I'm covering it myself."

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"Wow. Such generosity, paying for your slave's lodgings."

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" - I have no idea what you're taking issue with, here -"

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" - whatever. Sorry. I think you're confused, but I guess that's not a crime, or we'd all be in even more trouble."

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"No, seriously, what do you think I should be doing? I got her and I went for help getting her other children, and we're teaching them all our language, and we're staying overnight because she wanted to, and I've taught her everything I know and no one else has bothered her and we got rid of the bed because she didn't like it and -"

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"I - what? Look, I'm not an expert on your - relationship, here, I met you like five minutes ago, I just - 

" - Hagan, what did you guys mean, when you told me and Verita that we weren't slaves, what did that translate out to?"

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"- you can leave if you want to. Verita can leave if she can explain how this isn't going to immediately get her killed or captured. You own your stuff -" flinch - "and get to keep money you make and so on, you get a say in where we go and what we do there, you're not alone with us -"

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"Mhmm. And your Cecilia, does she get any of that?"

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" - do you get the thing I'm trying to say?" he asks Cecelia.

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Nodnodnod. "It's not like it was before. It's - you let me make choices. And it's good."

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Lean. "Yeah."

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She leans a little. She looks at the ground.

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She sighs and frowns at Hagan.

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" - look, buddy, I'm not clear which things it's safe to say to you and which it's not but if you actually want advice you could clear that up and I could try."

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- sigh. "Fine. Cecelia can explain."

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" - okay. It's important not to say your birth name, because if he knows it you're entangled. Every time he answers a question or does something for you, that magically puts you in his debt, which is a temporary kind of entanglement. Every time you do something for him or answer one of his questions, that puts him in your debt, and if the interactions even out, then you're even and not entangled anymore. I'm in his debt, a lot of debt, so I'm - I belong to him. We're entangled. Once two people are entangled, anything either of them does that the fairy magic disapproves of brings misfortune on both of them, disease or pain or death, so you mustn't do those things while you're entangled. You shouldn't lie, even a little. You shouldn't swear falsely. You shouldn't attack people whose debt you're in, though they're allowed to attack you. You shouldn't falsely accuse people of lying. And if you're in someone's debt, and they give you an order, and you refuse it, that puts you more in their debt. - I think that's most of it."

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"Yikes. Okay. - then he's not even giving you food and shelter, he's just adding it to your magical - obligations to him?"

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"Well - it does add debt."

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Sigh. "Okay. That - complicates giving advice."

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"What were you going to say?"

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"Just that you can't keep a woman as your personal slave and do right by her. There's - there's lots of stories people like to tell themselves where they're kind enough or affectionate enough or well-meaning enough, or she's happy enough in the moment, and they like to say that's good enough, but it's not. The only way to do right by a woman, if you want her in your bed, is to marry her."

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She snuggles her baby and looks at the ground.

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"Fairies don't really have - marriage."

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"Then I guess fairies can't do right by women, ever. Sounds tough. I kinda can't get married either and sometimes it makes me sad but I don't pretend that I should run off with someone and say nice things instead of promises."

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"I think you're wrong. Or - maybe right about humans, but -"

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"She's human."

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He shakes his head.

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- she's trying not to cry again. It's hard.

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"What's the matter - he's never met you, you know, he doesn't know anything -"

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She does not look very cheered at all. "I guess not."

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"What's the matter -"

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"I don't - I'm sorry - "

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Patpatpat. "It's okay. We can - we can figure it out when we're alone sometime, if this isn't a good time -"

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Nodnodnodnod. "'m sorry."

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"It's okay. It'll be okay."

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She doesn't nod at that. She hugs her baby.

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She sighs and flops backward onto the grass.

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- he'll go back to glaring at the man who upset her, then.

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Sure, this is totally his fault.

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She shreds a piece of grass.

"Look, I don't know that Hagan's right, but you seem - confused. About what doing right by anyone consists of. So - tread lightly, or whatever, I think you shouldn't assume that letting her make choices sometimes means she's okay."

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"'m not confused. Just - bad at words. And Cecelia's good at them but she's scared right now so we'll just have to wait until she's not, and wants to talk about it. If she does."

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"Valid, I guess."

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She sets her baby down to try crawling in the grass. She wipes her eyes. She looks at the sky and breathes.

 

 

"You can't always have everything you want," she says, eventually.

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"Yeah. But if something really matters to you I'll try, right, like with staying at court."

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" - yes. I know. Just - some things are unreasonable to expect."

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"I...guess? 

Like, that sure does seem true of at least some things but I have no idea which things you're thinking of - 

- and I thought stuff was okay - 

- we'll leave in the morning -"

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She draws her knees up to herself and hugs them and nods.

"It's - not your fault, or anything, it's just - that I got confused about some things, and that - made me want things that I would not have bothered wanting if I'd remembered what I was. I guess. I'm sorry."

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"Do you want a hug?"

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...nod.

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(The baby crawls over towards Hagan and gurgles.)

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- he could pick up a baby and rock and pet her without interrupting his glaring at the fairy, sure.

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Hug. "Once we get out of court and get the kids it'll be better, I think."

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"Yeah. Probably."

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"Do you believe that thing he said? About the only way to be good to a woman?"

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"I - there are different - levels, I guess, of being good to someone."

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Snuggle. "'m not human. I don't - understand - that. But I want to be good to you."

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Nodnod.

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...well, she kind of wants to impress upon this guy how bad this situation is for Cecilia, but also she's totally right that her options here are really limited and maybe she should take what she can get.

...Hagan and the baby are unreasonably cute. She would not really have expected unmarried Osirian men to have any idea what to do with babies, but there they are being cute.

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Babies are easy, they just want attention and snuggles and to pull on your hair.

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She snuggles Rana a little and watches her baby and doesn't say anything else.

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And after a few more minutes, another person appears, screams, and immediately claps her hand over her mouth.

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"....hi?"

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" - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - what's - I'm sorry - "

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"We have all been kidnapped by unknown parties with unknown aims. That over there is a fairy, don't tell him your name or he has some kinda magical debt bondage powers over you. That's his slave, going by Cecelia. She and Imrainai and I are just normal humans."

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"She and - your name's Imrainai?"

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"What I'm going by. Mean anything to you?"

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"I - no."

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"Don't lie to me," he snaps from next to Cecelia. 

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She makes a small terrified sound.

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"She wasn't even talking to you."

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"Sure, correction, don't lie at all. Or break promises, or swear falsely or accuse someone falsely or attack people you're indebted to."

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"Just to be clear, if you try to add any terrified girls who show up here to your magic debt slavery deal, I will kill you, and if that means I die of some magic fairy retaliation I am fine with that, I like where I'm headed."

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"If I were trying to get you lot it would be easy. I'm trying not to."

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"Just so long as we're clear."

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"If you try to kill me you will fall over with somewhere between an enormous headache and your skin peeling off and you'll belong to me."

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"I think you're underestimating how dead you will be."

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"If I could afford to feed you I'd tell you to go ahead and try it."

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"Please don't," she says to Hagan, quietly.

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He swallows and turns away, with some effort.

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She heads over to the new girl, who honestly looks like she's about to faint. She takes one of her hands.

"Hey. Shh. Breathe."

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Nodnodnod. She breathes. "I'm not - are any of you Wolfram & Hart Employees - "

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"I don't know what that is. Today was my first day working at the local Temple of Erastil, I don't know if that means anything to you?"

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She glances at the fairy and thinks. "I don't - think it does - "

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"Where're you from?"

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"Wolfram & Hart Los Angeles branch. It's - it's an interdimensional law firm. Uh, I guess - Earth, if you've heard of Earth."

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" - like, the elemental plane of Earth?"

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"...no? Like, the planet Earth."

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"...are you not from Earth? I thought everyone was from Earth. Or Heaven. Or Hell."

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"I know Heaven and I know Hell and I know a place called the elemental plane of Earth but the planet Imrainai and I are from is called Golarion and the plane is the material plane and I haven't been to any other ones except Axis."

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"What's a planet? What's a plane?"

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" - so on some planes, gravity and the environment are such that enormous collections of rock pull together in spheres, and the spheres are so big that whole civilizations can spring up on them. Golarion is one such giant sphere. 

Planes are - different places in the universe but not spatially contiguous? I'm sorry, I don't know a good way to - okay, so everywhere in the world you can get by walking or in a boat or flying, in principle, right, some places might take a really long time but they are all places connected to each other such that if you travelled for long enough you'd eventually be there?"

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Nodnod.

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"So there are also some places that you cannot get to that way. Not even by flying straight up in the sky, which will get you to other planets eventually. You can only get to these - disconnected places - by magic, or by dying and getting sent there. Heaven's like that. Hell's like that. There are lots of other places like that too. We call them planes."

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"Oh. Okay. I - think that makes sense."

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"Earth's a planet. The planet I'm from. And I guess where she's from. Maybe."

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" - maybe you can read the note. Have you heard of the Latin alphabet?"

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"...yes. I have heard of the Latin alphabet."

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She hands her the note.

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" - yeah, okay. Um. This says, 'Hi! I'm sorry to have dragged you away from whatever you were doing before. Please don't be alarmed. I didn't have another way to contact you. It'll take a few hours to finish gathering all of the people we wanted to talk to. I think I can return all of you to your home planes without any time having passed in them, so you shouldn't have any trouble on that front. You can probably guess what you have in common, but if you can't then I'll explain it to you when you're all here. We don't want anything in particular from you and you're not in danger, and once you're all together we'll put you back as soon as you want. We'd identify ourselves, except that it occurs to us that some of you may be full-blooded fairies, in which case that's a bad plan. We just think you're probably all super interesting and wanted to meet you. See you soon.'

"...it's signed 'Imrainai'."

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" - okay, I can guess what you three all have in common, but -"

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She looks from Hagan to the fairy.

"...yeah, I don't know. This is really weird."

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"You said Hagan had to tell you, at some point, that you weren't his slave."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - huh. 

There are some people trying to kill Imrainai's niece and we had to break into their house to escape with her. We took Imrainai too. She's - not - because we're not evil -" glare at the fairy -

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know if it - means anything, I'm just - looking for commonalities - "

Permalink Mark Unread

" - but he did sort of kidnap us. Kind of. Not without cooperation. Which I guess was true in your case, too."

Permalink Mark Unread

(She curls up and hugs herself and trembles.)

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did anyone - kidnap you?" he asks her.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't - not really? I'm not allowed to go - "

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Well that sounds a little bit kidnappy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I still live in my house and everything, I just - can't quit working - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"If I were to say you can run off to a different dimension with us if you wanna, would you say that there're kids-"

Permalink Mark Unread

".....yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Cecelia did it for the kids. Coming with me. Because - because she didn't like what the human king was teaching them, she thought they'd go to Hell -"

Permalink Mark Unread

She hugs herself.

"I just - didn't have any money to feed them. And I was worried someone else would come by and kill me and they'd end up - in foster care, or something. So I - it's a bad plan, right, working for Wolfram & Hart, once you sign your contract it's - that's it - but at least you don't starve - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"This is - some organization of devils -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - they work with them. Maybe at the top."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If the people doing this are fetching - Imrainais and the people who sort of enslaved them - who do you think it'd fetch next -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - I don't know, it's a big organization, it might be the guy who gave me the contract or the CEO of the company or - they said we weren't in danger, what kind of person does that - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's possible there's something preventing us from doing each other violence? ...regrettably we can't test this because apparently if I punch him it'll break fairy rules."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could test it on anyone other than me - or Cecelia, or the baby -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not going to hit a woman!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't mean hard, I mean, like, enough to test if we need to fear violence here!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could hit me? If I'm understanding the fairy debt rules right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I could. - you prefer this to a test that involves any of them, just because of the sex they are?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Obviously."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

She slaps Korva. It lands. Makes a loud sound.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - ow."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sorry!

" - I think maybe I should run."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think we should just be politely hanging around enjoying tea and let the fairy use the magic fairy debt powers. I don't see obvious prospects of winning a fight, here, but I've never heard of this fairy thing and I've heard of a lot of nonsense and maybe your kidnapper hasn't heard of it either."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - maybe. If he's - if the fairy thinks that's a good plan."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - it doesn't sound like a great plan but I would expect to be able to get a normal human who doesn't specifically know what I am? - especially if I'm dressed like one -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Hagan takes off his shirt and tosses it to him. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits down in the grass again. "M'sorry for hitting you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No big. We'll try to protect you from your - kidnapper person."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is there any more context it'd be helpful for us to have?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I, um - Wolfram & Hart's an interdimensional law firm, right, it's - very powerful and very big and a very bad idea to - give it reason to harm you - I'm really sorry for asking any of you to do anything at all - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I like where I'm headed."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. That's good. I don't think I do. But they - they can trap you, and things, it's not just killing you - "

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods seriously. "I - think I'm in less danger than you probably think, for a couple of reasons. And the fairy's a dick so I don't care what happens to him. But we should definitely -" he looks around unhappily - "there's nowhere to get the rest of you to safety -"

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods miserably.

Permalink Mark Unread

She hugs Rana.

 

"...can I have the baby back."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course." He hands over the baby.

Permalink Mark Unread

She takes the baby. Snuggles her.

Permalink Mark Unread

- and another person appears. 

He looks like the fairy except he's wearing a jacket and snow pants and muddy boots, and holding a crossbow, and there's something else off. He's not quite human.

 

He raises the crossbow and spins to take them all in, bewildered. "What's this - Karen?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - ah, fuck," says the fairy.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He drops the crossbow and scoops her up and hugs her.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - um? Um. Hi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're okay - god - I thought -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um. Who - are you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He sets her down.

He looks around, more confused than ever. 

" - I'm sorry. You - you look just like someone."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is it someone you at some point sort of kidnapped."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"- sort of kidnapped? I - not really -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do we have to do anything about - do you know her name now - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, I do."

Permalink Mark Unread

Hagan steps protectively in front of Karen.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're not really understanding - if she does anything wrong, it will hurt her, it will hurt me, it will hurt Cecelia, it will hurt my whole family and everyone they're connected to, I don't want her but I will destroy hundreds of lives if I let her wander off."

Permalink Mark Unread

"This just really sounds like a problem that goes away if you die."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

" - what's going on here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh. "All of us were brought here by an unknown power that may or may not have - something in common, with me and with her and with - Karen. We were suspecting that the other people were people who had at some point sort of kidnapped or enslaved that set of people and honestly I am still kind of expecting it, though you and the fairy have more - obvious similarities, than the fairy and Hagan did, so maybe there's something else. That one's the fairy. There are a bunch of annoying rules for interacting with him. If he answers questions or does things for you then you end up in his debt. If you're - entangled with him, was the word, you can't tell lies or swear falsely or make false accusations or attack him without causing some sort of harm to yourself, up to and including death. 

"If he learns your true name then he says he has to take you home with him. He's already enslaved Cecelia and we are now arguing about what he's going to do with Karen."

Permalink Mark Unread

He turns to look at the fairy.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - also don't do that! Stop doing that! What are you even doing! What is wrong with all of you people!"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What'd you do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, I can read minds."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Stop."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Apologize to Karen for implying you were going to enslave her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't - look, the mindreading's putting you in my debt, not the other way around, you should stop for self-interested reasons here -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It is hard to describe how little I care about anything other than Karen."

Permalink Mark Unread

She sits down and rests her head in her hands.

Permalink Mark Unread

"New guy, do you know a place called Wolfram and Hart?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yeah. They're evil."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And you're not?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - not an easy question to answer. Wolfram and Hart is my enemy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What happened to the Karen you know - what was she, to you -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"A very close friend. She's dead. - she's in Hell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If we get outta here this is a problem I can totally solve for you. Assuming she died young."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seventeen. Maybe eighteen, there was some travel between dimensions that made it hard to count."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Well, the thing I want out of this whole situation is that no one gets enslaved and all the girls get to go home to their kids, and if you can help me accomplish that then my world has resurrection and I can afford one and people-who-are-in-some-vague-sense-Imrainai-and-in-Hell sound like great people to fetch."

Permalink Mark Unread

- nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Let's get away from here," he says to Cecelia.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

They can just walk out a ways away from everyone. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can afford a resurrection and you're gonna spend it on - saving some person who might have something in common with me? Just because?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't like Hell. - and we could use allies, here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm sure it's not, like, the objectively best way to spend money if you want to help as many people as possible or whatever."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Obviously not. But I suppose if it's yours you can do what you like with it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Shouldn't be kids in Hell."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Is there - what're you gonna do about the fairy - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not let him have you. - dunno how that's best achieved. Murdering him has the side benefit of getting Cecelia freed but she wants her kids, can't do that if we don't have another way to get them."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

He sits down on the grass well away from them. " - should've just left sooner - but they thought we could help -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. "Yeah. I'm sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

" 's okay. - I want to talk about whatever's bothering you because it's - distracting, having you sitting there wilting of something. Did someone hurt you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - I don't know how to answer that - "

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay."

He sighs heavily. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You keep saying that - I'm not mad at you - they've decided I'm terrible because of some stuff about their world, I think, not your fault -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnodnod. "Just - I didn't mean to be upset about it - "

Permalink Mark Unread

“I just don’t understand and I want to.”

Permalink Mark Unread

She curls in a little around her baby.

 

"I was working with your father and - someone was looking for you. And. Happened to mention that you were sleeping with someone else. Is all."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I'm sorry. I don't - I don't think that helped me understand at all, actually -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Uh. It's - 

" - Hagan was saying that the only way to be good to a woman is to marry her, and - one can't always have that, obviously, but it's - I'd thought - I'd imagined that I - mattered more to you. Than I do. I think. It's - it's not your fault."

Permalink Mark Unread

He's really really really tired of repeating "I'm so confused and that didn't explain anything". 

 

 

"I don't think fairies can marry people. It's not - it's not about you not being important enough to marry. I just - I don't think I know how."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know. I don't expect you to. I'd just - forgotten that I wasn't - special."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You are special."

Permalink Mark Unread

She almost says 'don't lie' and then remembers that he can't and swallows it.

She starts crying again.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

- aaaaahh?

Maybe he should - go ask the angry girl who looks like Cecelia for - help, or something -

Permalink Mark Unread

The angry girl who looks like Cecelia is flopped in the grass again, still hanging out with the others.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hey," he says.

Permalink Mark Unread

"....hi?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think I need your help. - I promise I'm not trying to hurt you and I don't have any reason to expect you'll get hurt and I think this conversation will probably end with me in your debt, if anything, and I'll help you resolve that in whatever way's convenient to you afterwards."

Permalink Mark Unread

"....okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Cecelia's miserable and I don't understand why. - she wasn't miserable yesterday, she's been really happy the whole last while, it's really not that she's just miserable all the time because of me. But right now she's miserable and she tried to explain why and it didn't make any sense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Why did she say she was miserable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She said, uh, she was working with my father and someone happened to mention I was sleeping with someone else. And I said that didn't help me understand the problem at all and she said she thought she was special to me and I said she was and she just started crying more!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...well, I'm not an expert on relationships, but I would guess that it's the part where she's in love with you and just learned that you're continuing to sleep with other people and that you don't see why this is a problem."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - she's in love with me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes? Obviously? Or she was, anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She was in love with me?" he says, sounding even more horrified.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, she's obviously not completely over you, or she wouldn't be crying, right, it's just, the person you're in love with sleeping with other people when you thought they only wanted you is the sort of thing that starts to knock that stuff loose, sometimes. I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- that's not how fairies - I've never met anyone who cared who anyone else was sleeping with -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay, this is not a Cheliax thing here, right, does everybody else here think this is very obvious - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"It seems likely?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Super obvious."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am kind of unsurprised that a species that works entirely off magical debt bondage hasn't bothered developing the concept of monogamy? But yes, all the peoples I know of have it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. There you have it. She thinks you don't care about her and she's over there crying about it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She didn't - she didn't say that she wanted me to not do that or anything!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Has she ever specifically asked you not to hit her? Not to murder her children?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - no?  - she would ask me not to murder her children if she was scared I might, I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, well, maybe, but like - there's a combination here of the fact that this is a very obvious thing to want if she loves you, and the fact that asking for it makes it obvious that she's in love with you, which if you're not is a horrible vulnerability to reveal, given the fact that she's your slave, and if she doesn't make you happy then all of her children are going to hell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wouldn't - 

 

 

- it wasn't a very obvious thing to want!

And I can't give it to her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, well, sorry, she probably thought it was, like we all did. That's very sad for you."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

He heads off to go talk to her.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's still holding her baby. Still pretty fragile but back to breathing deeply and not crying.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hey.

I asked Imrainai what I was missing."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh. Did it, uh, help?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so? It made me - 

- she explained that humans when they love other humans stop sleeping with other people usually and everyone knows that so you don't need to explain it."

Permalink Mark Unread

- nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"And so you - when you learned that you thought it meant I didn't love you."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - yes. And it's - okay, if you don't, you never said you did, just - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think I do. That's just - not how fairies show it, so I didn't think of it."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Oh," she says, very quietly.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't - I don't know how people know for sure. But Imrainai said that you had loved me, and I wanted - more than I've wanted anything - I didn't want to have a Cecelia who used to love me and stopped -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnodnodnod. 

"  - I do. Still. I don't - I don't think I know how to stop, maybe if I tried very hard - "

Permalink Mark Unread

He shakes his head wordlessly. "I think - the thing I was trying to say earlier that they wouldn't believe me about - I think the thing I was trying to say was that I love you so I wouldn't hurt you, except it didn't work out like that, so -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnodnod. "It's - not your fault. Could you. - could you hold me and tell me again - "

Permalink Mark Unread

He can pull her onto his lap. "I think I probably love you and I really don't want to do things that make you wish you did not love me. But I'm not gonna guess what those are because I think the fairy ones are different."

Permalink Mark Unread

She nods and clings to him. "Okay. I love you. I need to - think, about everything that means, later, but - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I love you. We can - figure everything else out later. As long as we're not - as long as you're not - Imrainai also said that of course you couldn't say anything about anything you wanted because if you made me mad I wouldn't go get your children and I wasn't - I didn't mean to be holding that over your head -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. Cling.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I will go get them for you. Even if you don't love me."

Permalink Mark Unread

Cling. 

"Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Well they seem to have worked things out."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you reading their minds? Because, like -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, I can just hear them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What... are you, exactly?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We call ourselves Quendi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. - you think it's a good thing, them working themselves out?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I don't know. I think Karen might have - a little bit of a bias to make things right by marrying people she wishes hadn't touched her? - not very much of one, but any."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I mean, doesn't anybody who's trying to be halfway decent."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- I wouldn't particularly say so? Who're you again, exactly -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hagan. Not my real name. Kidnapped Imrainai, kind of, but I didn't enslave her and she wouldn't love me if I did so - I don't have a lot to go off about those ones -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You two are friends?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean I pretty much assume she hates me? Don't ask her, that's not fair to her, she's stuck with me for a while back in our world."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And no one knows this Karen here, who looks like mine? - and you don't know anyone who looks like me or like Hagan?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Headshake. "Never seen any of you people."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. And if I was going to hate someone it wouldn't be you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There you go, her opinion of me is that she does not hate me. I think she's neat but she's, well, Chelish, so like -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - and you're racist?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - what? No. I mean, she worships Asmodeus."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ah. Wow."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...who's Asmodeus?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Lord and ruler of Hell, oldest deity in creation."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - you worship Satan? Like, I guess I'm not one to talk here, but - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why not?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean, I think I might work for him. But. Like. Under protest."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, if protests make it all better."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They make it considerably more dangerous."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, one protests very quietly. So quietly you almost can't hear yourself. And eventually the protests get quiet enough that you wouldn't notice if they stopped."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

"She wasn't," he says abruptly to Hagan.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sorry. I wasn't trying to insult your dead friend. I just - uh, she was evil, or she wouldn't have gone to Hell, that's - how that works -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"There was an evil god who controlled a whole continent and was torturing and killing millions of people. And she had a way to stop him. But she had to - she had to trap him inside of a baby, and then kill the baby, and then he'd be destroyed forever."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - okay I would not actually have expected that to be ruled evil."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - she murdered her child."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - right but that's, what, two years of service to the poor? Under ordinary, much less sympathetic circumstances? And you're allowed to kill civilians in the course of killing an evil god, if you didn't have a better way!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sorry. I just - man, there's a lotta paladins who've killed babies for stupider reasons."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Are you from a place with people who call themselves paladins."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...paladins call themselves paladins?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I would figure, but - what, are there, like, wizards and clerics and rangers and druids - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes? Shouldn't there be?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That - sounds like you're from a D&D world, or something. That is mildly bizarre."

Permalink Mark Unread

"In my experience almost all myths are true."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay but D&D isn't a myth, it's from, like, the seventies - admittedly they did raid just about all the myths in existence for the bestiary, but, like - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm confused how you know about Heaven and Hell but are surprised by the existence of clerics and paladins."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Heaven and Hell are normal religious concepts that people borrowed when they decided to make up the game where clerics and paladins and rangers and wizards go around exploring dungeons and fighting dragons."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe you're from a plane where magic doesn't work? I think I've heard of that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, magic works, just - nevermind."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

And another person appears. 

She looks the same as the other Karen, except younger, and thinner, and a lot less hydrated, and also not wearing any clothes.

She stares around her in mild puzzlement. This place is different than the place where she was before. That's weird and has never happened before. It's been a very very very long time since anything weird has happened.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - Karen?" he says this time, instead of immediately rushing to hug her.

Permalink Mark Unread

She turns around and blinks at him. He appears to be whatever sort of thing she is. A person. She was pretty sure there weren't any other people who weren't imaginary.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"...should someone be giving her clothes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think that's a good idea," says Hagan, who is still shirtless.

Permalink Mark Unread

He takes off his jacket. "It's - it's probably been thousands of years -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"How?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She doesn't, like, reach for the jacket, or anything, she just sort of stares at them. They are making sounds. That's interesting. Way more interesting than most things that happen.

(None of her thoughts are in words, and none of her thoughts are private. The last time she was around she scarcely ever stopped thinking words, but now she isn't doing that at all.)

Permalink Mark Unread

He demonstrates putting the jacket on.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes. It is clothing. She has clothing for going outside, but she was inside before she came here, and so she does not have it. This seems like a much nicer outside, so she is kind of confused about why the new people are wearing clothes. They don't look like her clothes. But this place looks like it has a lot of stuff that her place doesn't, so maybe they made them out of something else, and didn't make them out of their own skin by flaying themselves alive several times.

She looks at the sky. It's a slightly different shade than her sky.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - is she, like, processing anything - "

Permalink Mark Unread

- nod. 

Permalink Mark Unread

...she stands up and takes the jacket from him and holds it out to the other Karen.

Permalink Mark Unread

She takes it. She examines the seams and the material and the collar and the zipper, trying to guess where the materials came from and how they were processed to make the jacket. She doesn't think she could make it by disassembling herself.

She puts the jacket on. It's softer than her jackets. That's cool. She pets it.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do we have...water."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh. We haven't tried the fruit trees, but they're probably safe, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

He walks over to the nearest tree, picks an apple, eats it. " - safe."

He picks another to offer her.

Permalink Mark Unread

She takes the apple and bites into it, like he did.

- this apple is now the most important thing in the entire universe. She didn't even know that whatever this is was a thing that people could want, but whatever it is is incredibly desperately important and she has never had any of it ever.

 She takes more bites. She walks over to the tree and gets herself another.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You said it'd been thousands of years?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Probably."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you not age?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, but that's separate. It's been a couple years for me. Some dimensions move faster than others and Earth moves slower than most we know of."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh! That I hadn't heard of."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do we have more food anywhere?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Doesn't look like it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think so. Just the fruit. The paper says a few hours until they're done, I don't think she'll starve. Probably won't even run out of fruit in that time."

Permalink Mark Unread

He stands there watching Karen. 

Permalink Mark Unread

She's eating fruit. Fruit is the most important thing that has ever existed. Maybe not literally the most important thing, having inside places and clothes for going outside might be more important, except here there's this weird soft green stuff on the ground and the air is a really nice temperature and she doesn't think her skin is getting burnt, and that makes clothing a lot less important. 

When she's done with this apple she flies up to the top of the tree to pick herself another one.

Permalink Mark Unread

"She - flies?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"- I guess so now."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - does going to hell let you fly?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not supposed to."

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She takes her apple with her and flies up very high into the sky, looking to see if there's anything else around. There doesn't seem to be. Just the knot of people by the table and the trees and the most! important! thing! ever! and also those two other people who are sitting a ways away from the others.

She flies over to the other two people and lands. She stares at them. She keeps eating her apple.

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" - hello?"

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"Don't tell me your name and don't lie or attack me or anything, I'm a fairy and it'll cause problems," he says wearily.

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She blinks at him.

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" - can we help you?"

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She tilts her head and stares. 

- oh they have this other thing with them! It's like a person but it's much smaller! And it's cute! She likes it. She kneels down and smiles at the little person thing.

The baby gurgles and stares back at her.

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" - should someone go get her, or something - "

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"She's not going to hurt anyone on purpose but she could accidentally if startled or something -"

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"And we don't - want the fairy to do anything to her, either - "

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"It would probably make Cecelia pretty sad if we had to kill him after all that."

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"That does seem like something that would not make her happy."

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"We're not gonna let him take you home."

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Nodnod.

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"Huh," he says to Cecelia.

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"What?"

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"I assumed this is the other Karen - looks like her - but we're not entangled. So I guess she's not."

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"Maybe this one's called something else."

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Small person! Small person! Small person who gurgles and makes water come out of her mouth! She wonders if a small person is made of the same things as big people. Maybe she isn't. She could cut her up to find out, but she isn't sure whether small people regrow like big people, and then she wouldn't get to stare at this small person anymore. 

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"- we need to stop her - can we -"

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He suddenly has a tree branch in his hands. "Why do we need to stop her -"

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"Contemplating cutting up the baby - I don't think she's currently planning to - she's a good person she just doesn't know anything about anything -"

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"Well, maybe we can draw her off the baby at least." 

And he takes off at a run to do this.

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She looks up at the person running to her.

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She is definitely way more powerful than he is. He waves the tree branch over his head and gestures with it.

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She frowns at him.

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You guys should leave, he tells Cecelia, we're a little worried she's erratic and doesn't understand how to not hurt people.

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He throws the tree branch in the air.

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Huh. She watches it.

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She scoops up the baby. "There's a - I think the mindreader's talking in my head? He says to leave, she might not know how not to hurt people - "

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" - okay -"

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He hurries with Hagan up to where Karen is.

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She watches them to see what they are going to do.

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He is going to give her a hug, very firmly.

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- she did not know that this was a thing that people could want either, but it might be almost as important as the fruit. She thinks it maybe helps a kind of hurting that she didn't even know was a kind of hurting in the first place. Whatever it's doing is very important.

She leans her head against him and hugs him back.

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Well that beats having his arms ripped off which seemed like a likely outcome.



He picks her up and carries her off away from everyone. Holding on to her. Hug hug hug.

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Snuggle snuggle hug.

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And eventually he will collapse on the grass somewhere crying and hugging her.

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Meanwhile they can circle back around to everyone else with the baby.

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"Hi. Think we found the one who was in Hell. Mind's maybe not all there."

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"I'm not sure she's a person."

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"Watch it, buddy, everyone already wants to kill you."

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"Cecelia doesn't."

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"I really really really don't."

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"Have you - thought of anything to do about the names - "

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"Sorry. I was a bit distracted. Uh, I don't know for sure if the entanglement works across universes, there's a chance it'll be fine. If not, then - we'll figure something out. I'm not gonna hurt you. Or get in the way of you looking after your kids."

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"I believe you mean that well but I think you're coming from a sufficiently different place from everyone else that it's hard for us to believe it wouldn't suck to be your slave."

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" - okay, like, what would you say -"

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"I don't have slaves! If for some reason some absurd situation presented itself where I absolutely had to have a slave I would say, uh, just so we're clear I'm chaotic good and I'm really sorry about this and I'm going to pay you a salary and I'm not a rapist and your door locks and here's the only key and if you'd like to list some people who are supposed to check in regularly and intervene if I've screwed up in any way then we can message them right now and get that set up, and if you don't know people equipped to do that my friends will do that, do you want to meet them?"

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"Most of that seems pretty important. Although it seems like it might not - work, for fairies."

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"Didn't say anything like that to Cecelia."

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"Right but her options sucked. If you had said that I bet she'd have felt safer faster."

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She looks at the ground.

 

"I guess it was - a while, before I was sure you weren't like the emperor. Even though you were really good all the time."

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"I don't - know what I could've said when I met you - not just I wouldn't have thought of those things but I don't know which things were true - I would've had sex with you if it hadn't turned out to make you sad, I wasn't planning not to -"

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"Oh are you guys not - that's dramatically less horrible, actually, congratulations -"

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She blushes and keeps looking at the ground.

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"It, uh, would make me really, really sad if you enslaved me and made me have sex with you. To be clear."

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"I just want everyone I love to not catch fire the next time you lie about something! I don't want to hurt you. - and I don't want to make Cecelia sad."

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"Okay! Sorry! You just have really alien expectations about everything and it's concerning!"

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"Is Cecelia the only human you've ever met?"

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"Nah, she also has a toddler."

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" - so you've met two and one is a toddler?"

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"Yeah."

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"Okay. Every human woman you meet is going to be worried about this if you announce intent to enslave them."

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" - huh. - specifically just the women?"

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" - oh, men might mind but not a tenth as much because they can't get pregnant and can still get married."

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" - I'm pretty sure that depends. Don't rape men either. Don't rape anybody."

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"It's kind of concerning how obsessed humans are with sex."

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"We're n- actually possibly Osirians tend obsessed."

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"You guys don't let women get married if somebody rapes them?"

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"Legally they can but it hurts their prospects a lot. - the countries that aren't Osirion just kill all the babies they don't want from all the extramarital sex they're constantly having -"

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" - look, I agree that abortion is bad, okay, yes, one hundred percent, I don't see what that has to do with whether having been raped means you should be - not worth marrying, or whatever - "

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" - obviously it sucks that people don't want to marry women who were raped, and they should work on their character and be more empathetic and so on. But whenever foreigners bring this up they think that everyone should just have all the sex they want whenever they want hang the consequences."

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"Okay! That's also terrible! Don't do that!"

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"Then I don't think we disagree on anything!"

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"Fine."

She folds her hands in her lap and looks at them.

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"Look, I realize this is terrible, but you're both here right now. Nobody has to leave you alone with the fairy until he's demonstrated a - better grasp of human concerns."

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"I'm not going to have sex with anybody who doesn't insist on it anyway because it's important to Cecelia."

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Hug.

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"Okay. I guess that works out, then. It is probably not enough for us to want to leave you alone with new people who aren't okay with that, but, like, good progress."

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"How often do you run into people who insist on it?"

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"Dunno, I've never really tried telling them I don't wanna and some of them will probably be like 'oh sure whatever'."

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"Okay."

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These people are all kind of really concerning.

 

 

"D'you think the - Hell person and the mindreader are okay - "

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" - guessing no?"

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" - right. I just. I don't know whether they need anything."

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"Someone could bring them more fruit. Someone... hard to kill and not a fairy. Ideally."

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He trots off to bring them fruit.

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Oh hey! She has eaten this whole apple and was wondering if she should keep hugging this person or go get more fruit, and now she gets to have BOTH of the most important things in the world.

The endless gnawing in her stomach has mostly stopped. She didn't even know that was a thing that could happen.

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"Thank you."

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"Uh huh. Need anything?"

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"No."

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So he returns to the group.

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"How are they."

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"She seemed really happy about the apple. And the hugs.

 

 

I think maybe it's hard to squash the wants out of people."

 

 

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"Plausibly."

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He sits down heavily on the ground.

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"Hey, question. About your family."

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"I don't answer questions about my family."

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Sigh.

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"What was the question gonna be?"

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"I was wondering if - so you guys look different, right, but you're all Imrainai - so I was trying to think how I'd tell if we were all us, because there's nothing like the word 'imrainai' - and I wondered about his family. I don't even know if it would've worked, you clearly don't all have the same family, none of you have Cecelia's children."

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"I think we're mostly younger than Cecelia. We could ask about, like, siblings? I had one older sister. She had two kids and she's dead."

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"One older sister, dead, with two children. And three brothers. I don't know how many of them are alive, I haven't seen them in - a long time."

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"One older sister with two children. And she's dead."

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" - hah!  - I mean, I am very sorry about your dead sisters."

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Pff. Snuggle.

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"How many siblings does the fairy have, then?"

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"Six brothers. Two older, four younger. Last two are twins. All of them very smart."

He glances over at Hagan but Hagan is pretending to take a nap.

" - I do that too, when I dunno what to say."

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"You seem pretty different from each other? But I guess so do we."

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"And he's a human. It seems like it'd be very confusing and terrible, to be a human."

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"I don't enslave people!"

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" - I mean, one way of looking at it would be that I did a thing that didn't make Cecelia hate me and you did the thing that wouldn't make Imrainai hate you because she would've if you'd done my thing."

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" - that feels like really a stretch. Especially since I could've enslaved Imrainai if I were a bad person and you could've not enslaved Cecelia if you were a good one."

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"I don't actually know if that's true? You have to be entangled to go to fairyland."

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"He could've called it something else, at least."

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"Mostly don't call her my slave. Mostly just say she's mine."

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"I guess I have ever said that Imrainai is mine when suspicious people asked questions because she was Chelish."

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"I know. It's weird. I assume it is somehow meant well."

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"I actually figured you weren't following the Osirian or I'd have come up with something that was more carefully distancing like the sister-in-law story for the temple. It's just - there are contexts in which women are usually chaperoned - and people wouldn't ask so rudely if you weren't foreign but they assume things and it's the fastest way to shut them down."

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"They can't walk around museums in the middle of the day, with a kid, without a chaperone?"

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"Oh nah that was definitely because you were foreign."

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"I suppose it is technically better that Osirian women don't have to put up with this."

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"I know it's stupid. I - wish Osirion had made you feel more at home."

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"Well. I appreciate it. I'm not - that mad at you, I'm just - it's a bad situation. But I'm not sure that good situations exist."

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" - see," he says to the fairy, "if you marry her and settle down and everything's nice then Imrainai will be so surprised and I will be accordingly in your debt."

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"No you wouldn't be. - I do want to marry her and everything will be nice but this wouldn't indebt you to me."

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"I suppose I can acknowledge that there exist situations that are nice for other people."

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"Other people who are you, even."

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"Sort of. -  honestly if I take that mindset seriously this experience has not made me incredibly optimistic about my likely life paths."

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"The one from Hell did kill an evil god and stuff."

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" - some of you guys are very impressive but none of you guys are very happy? Maybe the kidnapper one is happy."

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"I think I'm mostly happy? I just had a really really bad day. And am sort of having a bad long night at court. But - I think when the sun comes again it'll be okay, probably?"

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"We'll get the kids and then go see Greece and Italy."

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Eee. Hug.

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He looks - envious, honestly. 

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"Technically the Hell one seems pretty happy about lots of stuff. Mostly apples."

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"I don't think that counts. Like, if someone is hoping to live a happy life, they're not hoping to be deprived of apples for a thousand years so they can be super into them again."

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"I guess Cecelia's happiness might also be in that department a little bit."

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"It does seem kind of possible that your current standards are underground. Like, maybe the fairy also happens to be great for you, but - things were pretty bad before, right?"

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"...yeah."

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"Being a fairy's pretty great, though. You get to see the world and - eat the nectar out of flowers and sleep in the tops of trees and run across the water and tell stories in lots of courts and see the whole world and stuff."

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"But - she's not a fairy, right?"

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"No. But she will get to do the same thing."

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"If you're entangled with fairies then you move very fast, too fast for normal humans to see. And you can follow the paths through fairyland and become very small and explore the insides of flowers."

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"I guess that sounds... interesting."

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"It's really good."

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"Well. Have fun with that when you go home, I guess."

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He nods earnestly.

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And two more people appear. One of them looks like the Karens, and the other one looks like the fairy, but younger.

The girl counts up the people. "I think that's all of them. - annnd I'm entangled with that guy now, okay. Hi. Are you guys all okay?"

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"No one's dead, various people are stuck on the fairy. Did you, uh, know that kidnapping is wrong?"

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"I - agree that this is probably very concerning. I did leave a note! And you can go home whenever you want, now, although I admit I would be pretty disappointed if you decided to leave right now immediately without me getting to talk to you at all. But if you want to you can! Really! I, uh, didn't have any other spells to contact you guys."

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"I think it was a good idea."

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"I figure you are not from a world where people kidnapping you almost certainly mean to kill you or worse."

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"I do not mean to kill you or worse. I wanted to gain access to alternate realities and I'm only currently able to contact them through alternate versions of myself or someone else who's willing to cooperate with the spellcasting process. I - can't fix the everybody being stuck on the fairy thing right now, but I have reason to believe that I'll probably be able to fix it within a week or so, now that I know it needs doing."

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"Have you heard of Plane Shift."

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"I have! Super don't have it. I was going for that or gate, but I got this, and then I got a bunch of unrelated spells, and I am working with what I have."

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"This requires way more power than plane shift."

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"Yeah, probably. But this is the only one I can do. My limitations aren't precisely related to power."

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Nod.

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"So who goes with who - he's hers, of course -' gesturing at Alex and the Karen rescued from Hell - "and he's hers -" gesturing at Cecelia and the fairy - "and he's ...yours?" he asks Korva, "or yours," of the other Karen.

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"Hers. I don't think I have one of you."

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"Yeah, I thought there was one in your world, but then there wasn't. Sorry. You okay? Other than being stuck to the fairy, I really do think we can fix that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Uh. I mean, Wolfram & Hart might be trying to recover me and I need to go back to being stuck there for my niece and nephew, but - besides that, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We miiight be able to pull them to my world too, if you'd want that? Like, I do have a niece and nephew, if I can get them to sit still for the casting?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - maybe. I'd have to, like, know more. About all of this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, obviously. Um. You guys probably have questions and stuff?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"What kind of magic user are you?"

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"....the kind that uses magic? I'm sorry, I dunno what categorization scheme you're using - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"What is the source of your powers? Do you have to decide at the start of the day what things you want to be able to do that day, or can you decide at any time? What are some examples of things you can do?"

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"I have a spellbook, but I'm not a hundred percent sure whether it gives me my powers or has some other kind of relationship to them. I can cast any of my spells at any time. I can mindread people, I can do telepathy, I can turn invisible, I can fly, I can do this thing, I can cast mass heal, I can telekinetically shelve books..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mass heal translates as a specific spell I know, and so do a couple others of those, and then some I don't know. They were all in the spellbook?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yep. Uh, not originally. I think the spellbook responds to what I'm doing and gives me the tools to accomplish it more effectively, or better, or do things that otherwise appear to be aligned with my priorities. And then I get new spells based on that."

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Nod. "Can you visit our worlds with us, or only send us back?"

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"I am not currently capable of visiting planes besides my original one and this one. It's possible this little stunt might change that? But we'll have to see. Right now I can only pull people here and send them back, or take them with me to where I'm from."

Permalink Mark Unread

Do you have to send people back.

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No.

Permalink Mark Unread

"If you want to visit my and Imrainai's world I'd expect our allies will come fetch us and can take you back too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds neat! I don't want to go anywhere else until I'm more confident that I can get back here, though. Also I need to handle getting people unstuck from the fairy before any of the entangled people go wandering off."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think that's a good priority."

Permalink Mark Unread

Can I help you over there, by the way?

Permalink Mark Unread

I doubt it. 

She's not suffering right now, I don't think, so this is a lot better than the last thing like it I encountered and I worry if she were more - present - it'd be worse.

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Ah. What - happened, exactly - 

Permalink Mark Unread

I'm pretty sure she has been in Hell for a very long time.

Permalink Mark Unread

Ah. 

I could try a heal on her. I don't know if it'd do anything. It does do mental effects, sometimes, but like you said, it might make it worse. I'd maybe wanna talk over what happened and see if one of us can communicate telepathically first, or something. But I'm not gonna send her back.

Permalink Mark Unread

Can you do - divination, or anything? Predicting whether the heal would do something good or make it worse? It can - it can get a lot worse, especially if we're tampering with her head.

Permalink Mark Unread

I can't right now. I might be able to eventually. My potential power set is as far as I can tell pretty unbounded.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hmm. Okay. I should talk with Azalea, then, probably.

Permalink Mark Unread

We miiiight be able to pull your Azalea? My Azalea is a ghost, so I am not sure whether I can use her to pull people. Or I could send you back. Are you gonna want to go back soon?

Permalink Mark Unread

Not sure where the best setup to take care of her is but there's no food here except the apples and she needs a proper diet for reintroducing food, I'd think. She can fly. Wouldn't want to take her home and have her fly off. - I think not right away.

Permalink Mark Unread

I can bring stuff from home here. The demiplane is admittedly a work in progress, but I think we can keep her fed, although I don't actually know what good back-from-starvation diets are. I could look it up, I guess.

Permalink Mark Unread

I know some things.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. We can look after her for a bit, then.

Permalink Mark Unread

Thank you.

Permalink Mark Unread

Mhmm! Lemme know if either of you need anything.

"Okay. Are any of the non-stuck people going to want to go home really soon? Because if you have any, like, important problems, I miiiight be able to solve them? But it would mean sticking around for a bit. I can bring more stuff to the demiplane from home, I just, uh, was not completely sure what you'd need."

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"Might be nice to have a fenced in sort of place for the baby? A house, even, maybe?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"There was some talk about not letting you be alone with anyone until we are more sure you have learned some things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You made your point, all right? I believed you, I listened to you. Now I want the flying person to be unable to bother the baby."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Want more life advice?"

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" - sure."

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"'our baby'. Cause you're marrying her and that means you're their father. Kids need a father."

Permalink Mark Unread

He glances uncertainly at Cecelia.

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" - if you'd want to. I think it'd be - good, for the kids to have a father, now that they've lost the other. I understand they're not your blood, or anything - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - guess I'd need to think about it?"

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"It takes - nobility of spirit, right, to see a child who needs a father and say 'I am a man who can be a father'. Weak men make their women feel like their past children are a burden they'll graciously forgive them as long as they don't have to see them too much."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think that!"

Permalink Mark Unread

Shrug.

Permalink Mark Unread

"He doesn't. - I do, um - I'm not sure how fairies parent, exactly, and - I do still want to make sure they can be free and do things they want to do, later - so I'd want to talk about what our priorities were, exactly, it's very important that I not leave them worse off than they were - "

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can still do most stuff as a favor to you, the way we're doing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I'd like that. If they had two people looking out for them but - didn't have to pay for it themselves."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Free and clear." Squeeze.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aww, they're cute. I hope they're okay.

Permalink Mark Unread

I think all the ones who found each other are probably okay. I am more worried about the one who doesn't have a me. You'd be so sad if you didn't have a me. Also maybe the ones from the D&D world? Does she know she has him?

Permalink Mark Unread

I have very little idea what's up with them. I guess I could focus on reading them instead of monitoring the one from hell. The alone one does seem really stressed. I think part of that's being stuck to the fairy, though.

Permalink Mark Unread

Guess I could ask what's up with them.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're giving all this romantic advice but you're not with your Imrainai at all."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not really romantic advice? It's life advice that happens to be about women. But you don't, like, charm girls with your impressive knowledge of how they are best off married and their kids deserve fathers. - and I'm not - how old are you -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sixteen."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am not sixteen."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Didn't answer my question at all. - seriously, at all, you got zero debt credit for that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We don't agree about religion. And we're - grownups, with different life trajectories. That happens sometimes. It doesn't mean you can't be friends but it means it'd be very silly to try anything more."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mmm."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just thinking."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, keep it to that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What's your religion?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Asmodean."

Permalink Mark Unread

"....why."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Because he is the most powerful entity in creation and is going to end up defeating all the others in the end, and because he has a coherent view of the purpose of mortals, instead of claiming to value them and then leaving huge numbers of them to destroy each other."

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"I bet I could kill him. Not now, obviously, but like, give me a few years. You think we should be trying to kill Asmodeus?" she asks Connor.

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"Sure. What'd he do?"

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"Pff. Lord of Hell in the setting we used for spell inspiration. Which is apparently a real place? I have some questions for the people who created Pathfinder. Anyway, he tortures people for eternity and stuff, mostly for funsies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds important. Yeah, let's. - time's not passing anywhere else while everyone's here, right -"

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"Not in their worlds. There presumably exist more somewhere else."

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"In Asmodeus's?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Dunno. Could go either way. - I guess this means the responsible thing to do is to get to work. I don't even know how to do it, though, I just kind of assume on principle that I can. Maybe we should ask your dad for advice or something. ....also ask him whether he wants to talk to them with the translation effect off and hear languages that possibly nobody on this plane has ever heard before, if he'd care about that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He will definitely care about that."

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"Mine will plausibly have more useful thoughts on killing Asmodeus since he's known about the existence of Hell for longer than I take it five minutes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And worked on destroying it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know he's thought about it. We don't have sixteen year olds with Mass Heal and dimensional theft powers, though. Didn't look as tractable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What's your dad do -"

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"My brother is the pharaoh of Osirion and most of my family advises him."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. We can ask him too."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Wow."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess we should be able to pull him here? If he's an alternate version of your dad, that should work."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am nearly certain it is."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. Sooo - what order are we doing stuff in, here, we wanna grab your dads first so you can fill them in, and then while they're doing that I can grab the alone me's kids and work on unsticking us from the fairy? Unless there's other super pressing stuff I'm missing."

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"I think you got it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool! I'll be a competent person yet. Possibly sometime after I destroy Hell. It's gonna take a bit to grab the other you's dad, you wanna stay here or you wanna pop home for an hour?"

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"I want to stay here!"

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"Okay! Be nice to everybody. I'll see you in a bit!"

And she's gone.

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He sits down and stares off at the horizon.

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"Do you guys - actually have any idea what you're doing?" she asks Connor.

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" - we know how our magic works. Don't know much about your world, obviously."

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"You're aware that Asmodeus is, like, a god, right? The most powerful god in all the planes we know of?"

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"I kinda figured that when you said you worshipped him? It'd be weird if you worshipped him and he was, like, a random dude."

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"You seem like you might be sort of a random dude."

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"Oh, I am. It's Karen who has the powers."

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"Oh. Well. She - also seems like she doesn't have that much idea what she's doing? I'm just - you guys are almost definitely going to get yourselves worse than killed, doing this."

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"I mean, we can't do it yet, and won't do it until we can."

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"....okay."

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"I think my family will be able to talk to them about what it's reasonable to do here," he says, still not looking at anybody.

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"You okay?"

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"Of course."

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"Don't lie!"

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"Especially not to your Imrainai!"

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- sigh. 

"Sorry, sorry. - also we're not - I am sort of confused about what you think is going on here -" he gestures at Korva.

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"We don't actually know each other that well. We met, like, a month ago. I'm not even sure we're friends."

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"And how are you going to get to know each other if he lies?" He glares at Hagan.

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"What're - you and the Karen from your universe -"

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"He's her slave," says the fairy.

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"Well. Okay. - I mean, potentially not okay."

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"That seems bad?"

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"Well, it's not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If you say so. I'm pretty sure slavery usually isn't very good for people."

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"I think that's a human thing."

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"Fairies are fine being slaves?"

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"Depends whether it's fair, I think? And maybe how good the person is. But Karen's very very good, you know. The best person in the whole world. Maybe in all of them."

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"I... see."

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"She doesn't think so so I would expect you also don't think so. But she is."

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"Do you think having a slave is good for her?"

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"Yes. I think it's kind of complicated and, like, if it were hurting me then it wouldn't be good for her, and if I didn't like her and trust her and want to be hers forever then it wouldn't be good for her. But the way things are, I think they're good for her. She needs someone who is on her side, right, no matter what."

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"I....guess? Do you also need a lecture on the merits of marriage."

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"We're not old enough."

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" - that does seem true."

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"I do think it'll accomplish pretty much the same thing to marry yours, probably?"

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"Can't do that and we still do not actually know each other. Meeting all these - alternate universe Imrainais - has honestly been anti-helpful in terms of understanding her."

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"At this point feel like I understand me less. Also I don't want to marry random people who happened to kidnap my niece a month ago."

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He pouts.  "- why'd you kidnap her niece?"

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"Some people were trying to use her to do some evil stuff and we couldn't protect her in Cheliax."

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"So you saved her niece, that's actually a pretty decent start."

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He stands up. 

"Kid. Fuck. Off."

Permalink Mark Unread

Connor looks very hurt. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm - not having a very good day, okay? I - I think it's really good that we met you, and it'll let all of us solve a lot of really important problems, and I'm glad of it, and being clumsily ridiculously powerful at peoples' love lives is bad and I need you to stop."

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" - I wasn't - I didn't mean -"

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"Go bring the Karen who doesn't remember her own name more apples or something."

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He runs off to do this.

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She flops on the grass again.

"Why are the most powerful versions of any of us teenagers who act like they have only very briefly been introduced to the concept of common sense."

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"At least they're getting his dad? Maybe he has a less tenuous relationship with common sense."

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"Unlikely."

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"Oh."

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"I mean I dunno how closely people match but if it were my father he would do diplomacy for about three minutes and then demand to know all of the languages spoken on our planes and spend the next three weeks learning a bunch of them and asking an endless flurry of oddly specific questions about how turns of phrase are used."

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"That sounds like what my father would do."

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"My brother is well-supplied with common sense but Imrainai's gonna hate him."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Which one of us, no one seems to be listening to me. Except the fairy. Good job with that, fairy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I have no idea if your perky teenage alternative personality will dislike him. Maybe it'll just be you and Cecelia."

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"Why will I hate him?"

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"The pharaoh - lives in a very fancy beautiful palace where nothing matters and is surrounded by pretty women to get a lot of children by and this just seems sufficient for you to want him dead, at this point, considering."

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" - I don't see that I should want him dead, necessarily. I probably won't want to talk to him."

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"The pharaoh's - oldest brother?"

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"Yeah."

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"And likes girls?"

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Snort. "No, actually. But it's his duty, or whatever."

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"Cecelia met mine and didn't slip up at all. Not that there's any reason to make her do it again, of course."

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She hugs Rana. "I didn't like it. I understand that it was necessary."

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"Yeah, I bet. I'm sorry. 's gonna suck for me, too, for whatever that's worth, but - I think they need to talk to some people who have actually ever tried to do things in our world with military force - and it might actually be a good idea for them to talk to Abadar - and that means -" Sigh.

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Nodnod.

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" - I mean, Cecelia doesn't have to be hanging out right over here if they grab more people, does she?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah. You all can go be in a house somewhere away from all the nonsense."

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"I dunno, I kinda wanna see what happens."

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"I just - don't want to get in the way."

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"I always really hate it when I'm on some adventure and then it turns out to be the kinda thing that's best handed over to the authorities. You just ...stand there knowing they think you're stupid."

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Nodnodnod.

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Connor trots back.

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"How're they doing."

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"I think about the same. He's immortal so he says if it takes her thousands of years to get all better or something it'll be okay."

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" - I guess that's good?"

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"Is she immortal too?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"In the Hell dimension yes, unclear if she still is here but if not I said Karen could fix it."

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"She can just make people immortal?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not yet but in a couple of weeks, if she focused on it."

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"How do you know? You think there's anything she couldn't do if she focused on it for a couple weeks?"

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"Sometimes the spellbook's a bit dense and it takes a couple months."

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"Well I guess we'll see how this goes, then."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yep!"

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And a richly dressed Osirian man appears on the grass.

 


He looks around. He looks at Hagan and then keeps looking around. 

"- excuse me," he says. "Does anybody happen to know where we are?"

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" - 's okay, I told them. This is a demiplane created by a girl named Karen, who has a really irregular spell list and the ability to access alternate universe versions of people. She kidnapped me a couple of hours ago because I am an alternate universe version of her...slave...and the women here are alternate universe versions of her. She wants to kill Asmodeus now."

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" - why?"

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" - I mean, it seems like a good thing to do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe? I'm not sure you can improve conditions in Hell with targeted assassinations. Assuming that's the goal."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think that's one of the goals but also she has a Chelish alternate universe self and wants to - make a point, I guess. This is Imrainai. Imrainai, my father."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'Imrainai''s not Chelish."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, she - oh, you mean the name. She picked it out when there were concerns about retaliation against her family in Cheliax. Also everyone's going by pseudonyms here because those lot are fae and have magic powers over you if they learn your name. Also they hate it when people tell lies. I'm not sure if it does anything bad -"

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"Does. If you're entangled with us."

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"But mind that. I guess."

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"Why am I here -"

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"Mostly people thought you'd want to learn the languages."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - is there an important language barrier?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah, they just figured it'd be - mean, I guess, to meet people from planes we didn't know about and not give you the chance to learn all their languages."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"That's ...considerate of them."

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"Also I guess I wanted...allies. The alternate universe mes all have some serious issues, see."

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"Unlike you."

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"Why do you people find it so difficult not to lie to each other?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That counts? There are a bunch of truth claims those words could make up which I would endorse!"

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"Counts. Cecelia doesn't find this difficult!"

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"Cecelia is -"

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"Cecelia, Karen, Imrainai." He points. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why were alternate universe versions of her slave summoned?"

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" - well, mysteriously all of us seem to be involved in the lives of the Imrainais to a fairly implausible degree? That one has Cecelia as his slave and that one -" he points at the two far away people - "I don't know what his deal is but his plan right now seems to be to spend the next thousand years nursing his Karen back to health so, uh, there's that - and then I sort of accidentally took Imrainai prisoner as part of the quest I've been on for the last year, about a month ago, and she's been staying with us since then."

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He musters a pretty good disapproving glare. 

Permalink Mark Unread

" - it's a bit of a sore point right now and you should drop it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can I mention it to -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Figure we should bring him in on the going-to-war-with-Hell thing anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is the translation spell going to wear off so I can learn anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You might have to wait for the very powerful teenager to come back. - it doesn't work on writing."

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Bounce bounce! "Anyone want to write anything for me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I could?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh good. Where're you from?"

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"England, originally. I've spent most of adult life in Scandinavia, and immediately before this I was staying at a fairy court that answers to someone who - acts very much like you, in some respects. I've been told these are all on a different plane than yours."

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"I certainly haven't heard of them. That boy there is a version of Hagan?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We... suspect so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmm. Does he treat you right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have no complaints about him. I had one earlier today, but it was a misunderstanding and he's rectified it now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do they speak the same things in Scandinavia and in England and among fairies?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, different things in each place."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Which one do you know best?"

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"English is my native language, but I can't write it. If you want writing I'm more competent with Norwegian than with Quenya."

Permalink Mark Unread

“Sure, let’s start with that.”

Permalink Mark Unread

She can hand her baby to Rana and grab a notebook and write an alphabet and and anything else Hagan's father wants, then.

Permalink Mark Unread

And a little bit later the perky teenage Imrainai comes back with Connor's dad.

Permalink Mark Unread

The two of them seem delighted to meet. Was she gonna get rid of the translation effect so they can talk?

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" - I mean, I can do that, but I understand that there's a torture dimension somewhere that I should probably be trying to do something about? And I was also wondering if you guys had any ideas about that. Since you are adults and one of you is actually from the world that knows stuff about the torture dimension."

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The fairy just looks confused. 


The Osirian says “Right. Are you confident you can conquer Hell?”

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"No. But I can do a lot of things that I wouldn't have expected to be able to do, and I want to aim really high with my abilities, so that if I do have an ultimate power limit of some kind I eventually find out where it is. I think what I need to know is what sort of powers I would have to have to destroy Asmodeus and fix Hell, and then I can figure out how to develop those powers."

Permalink Mark Unread

“I would assume you’d need to be a god but I don’t know that for sure and it wouldn’t be sufficient.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's underspecified. Do you know what I need to be able to do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

“Not really, no. Most accounts of how gods died aren’t very detailed and in some cases it’s a great mystery. You probably want to ask Abadar.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay, well, I can't kidnap Abadar right now because I don't think I know any alternate versions of him. Also that sounds like it might get us all killed. Thanks anyway. Anything else you want to cover before I turn off translation?"

Permalink Mark Unread

“You can probably get the pharaoh, and the pharaoh can talk with Abadar when he wants to.”

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"...if the pharaoh is one of your sons I maybe can, but I am concerned that this might be interpreted as an act of war or something."

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“I mean, only a bit more than taking Hagan and I.”

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"Okay, but when I took Hagan I didn't know he was a prince or anything. I guess I can do it if you think it's a good idea and stuff. I'm not gonna do it if you don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

“I think you will need him eventually if you want to pull this off. If you want to wait, though, presumably at some point Osirion will try to get us back and you’ll want to know what you mean to say to them by then.”

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"Oh, time's paused in your dimension. I think."

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“- ah. All right. That’s reassuring, with respect to your ability to kill Asmodeus. - you do know that killing him won’t make Hell a nice place, not all by itself?”

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"Yeah, that occurred to me sometime after I decided to do it. But I figure I can't start the cleanup until he isn't around to stop me anymore."

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“All right. I wish you all the luck in all the worlds.”

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Sigh. "Thanks. Which son of yours is the pharaoh?"

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“Eldest.”

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"Of course it is. Okay. I'm - gonna go get you guys some more food and I guess see if I can loop your pharaoh in. And I guess turn the translation off now. If anybody needs to communicate anything to me next time I'm here, just - wave at me and I'll read your mind, I guess."

She snaps her fingers and turns translation off.

"D'you wanna stay here again while I get your brother?" she asks Connor.

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“Do you want me with you?”

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"It - would probably save time if you were the one to order pizza." Also I might need a hug away from all of -  this.

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“I’ll come.”

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"Okay."

And they're back in her bedroom. She hugs him and turns telepathy on.

She is really glad they did this still but it is actually incredibly amazingly stressful to be going around kidnapping kings and she is not really sure that she's qualified to do interdimensional diplomacy really at all, and suddenly they're doing important stuff and the demiplane doesn't pause and this kind of means that she can't take a break and hide under her covers for the rest of the weekend even though there is definitely some sense in which she wants to do this.

Also she kind of doesn't want to invite Matt to her demiplane but this seems kind of petty under the circumstances, probably, and also at this point the situation might be socially aaaa enough that having him there would actually make it less stressful.

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It’s really very rude of everyone to be upset and have problems instead of being excited about this and trusting that the problems will go away eventually! Maybe... how big is the demiplane, if it’s infinite she could have one faraway bit of it for politics and a near bit for the cool people? Alternatively she could just not get Matt, if she doesn’t wanna, though he does really seem like a good person to get? Why does she not want to get him, is it the thing where she thinks he might be evil? She could telepathy him and then she’d know? He feels kinda weird about that because their telepathy is a them thing but objectively this is stupid. She can even do it one way now so he doesn’t read her mind too.

She is very brave and good and he loves her.

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She doesn't really think that Matt is evil, exactly, he's just, like, weirdly perfect and the center of all of the things he's involved in and she kind of doesn't want him to end up being the center of all of the people she's called to her demiplane, or think her demiplane is stupid, which is objectively kind of a weird thing to worry about because it's not like Matt has a demiplane, but. She feels like she's way dumber and more incompetent and less perfect than he is and this is extremely annoying. She doesn't think the demiplane is infinite but it probably is big enough to have at least two separate gathering places, maybe that would be okay. They should find, like, tents, or something, for people to set up in it.

She didn't know the telepathy was specifically a them thing and it's good to know that that's something that's special to him, she'll remember that in the future. She feels like the full-on mind melds like this are special, she wouldn't wanna do this with anyone she didn't really really trust. Maybe she would do it with Azalea ever if she could touch Azalea. She did use the ranged telepathy to communicate with the one of him who goes with the Karen from Hell, although maybe that's less of a thing because because that one seems to be a telepath anyway, he contacted her first. She should maybe be concerned about that at all but honestly he mostly seems to have sensible priorities.

Probably if she had met herself a couple years ago then she would have had a lot of problems too and it is important to be patient and supportive of her other selves who have more problems. 

He's very very good and she loves him very much and it would be so good if they could just pause this and snuggle and kiss and telepathy for an hour but probably this would be really irresponsible.

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She could put Matt in her debt and then he couldn’t be in charge of everything and it’d be obvious to all the fairies at least that everyone worked for her. He’d agree to it if it meant he could have all these extra dimensional adventures. This is probably a bad plan even though it’d totally work.

Reading his mind might make him seem less perfect? Pretty much no one’s so perfect their thoughts are.

The thing that feels like it’s theirs is this thing, not just using it to talk. Also it’s kind of stupid he feels this way about it. 

Probably her other versions will get less confused and scared over time like she did but he’s worried that he was important for that and now some of him - well, one of him - is mad because Connor tried to convince him that he should serve his Karen. That was kinda stupid possibly but it was correct advice.

Permalink Mark Unread

Awww. It is probably the sort of thing that's very unhealthy to force. Also has she mentioned that she loves him. She loves him a lot. He's good and hers and ugh she should go contact his brother before she gets distracted. Probably once everything's a little less on fire and there's more food for their other selves she'll feel like she's allowed to take a break.

Could he order like four large pizzas and raid the pantry for snacks and maybe figure out how to obtain some tents.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah he can do that.

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Squeeze. Kiss.

And she lets him go.

 

Heyyy Matt this is Karen. Contacting you telepathically. Are you doing anything more important than interdimensional diplomacy right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

He was not expecting to be telepathy-d at and she can read all his thoughts.

That sounds like it beats math homework, he says. He's not doing math homework. (He's reading the Wall Street Journal to his youngest brothers, over pancakes with chocolate sprinkles on them.) He puts it down and tries to catch a glimpse of himself in the window and says to them "I might need to go" and then thinks to wonder how her telepathy works, and at what range, and wow she's really gotten very powerful very quickly and it's bizarrre, there's got to be some catch or someone would've done it before she did - hopefully she's not getting all of this? He should maybe act on the assumption that she is but he's not sure how without getting distracted by - whatever.

What can I do for you?

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh hey he's home and not at college, she should have just gone over to his house. It is a weekend and stuff and maybe he wasn't going very far away. Oh well.

I, uh, contacted a bunch of alternate versions of myself and your brother from other dimensions, and apparently in one universe you guys are royalty and now I have kidnapped royalty, and I sort of volunteered to attempt to slay an evil god for them, and now they want me to talk to the alternate version of you, who they think will have ideas about how to do this, but who is also a king and stuff, and I feel like I am rapidly approaching the edge of my social competence.

Uh, I'm gonna stop telepathying and just come over, I'm sorry, I thought you were off at college and stuff and I didn't have your number.

 

And a couple minutes later she's knocking on his door.

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He opens it right away. He's taller, and growing his hair out, and otherwise looks just the same as when she last saw him. 

"Hey. Are you okay?"

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"I've been better! But I think nothing horrible has happened so far other than accidentally kidnapping royalty."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you know the saying 'if you owe the bank a million dollars...'"

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"...no."

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"The saying is 'if you owe the bank a million dollars, the bank owns you. If you owe the bank a billion dollars, you own the bank.' Because they need you a whole lot more than you need them, at that point. Because, at some point, the rules change. - do you want a hug?"

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"...possibly."

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Hug. 

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Hug.

" - okay, so - right now Connor's working on getting everybody, like, food, and stuff, and then I told the royal version of your dad that I would get the royal version of you, except I think maybe I should have, like, a plan, before I do this, and right now I mostly don't? - I think probably their people have not processed it as an act of war or anything because right now time is paused in their dimension. So that's something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Also they'd probably rather not think of it that way, right, if they have any outs, because unless they have the means to hop dimensions and stuff themselves they don't have a good way to fight you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, we're pretty sure they do. They seem to be from some kind of world that's really similar to D&D. This is how they have evil gods running around that need slaying. This is part of what makes this stressful. But, like, time is paused, so I don't think they can retaliate right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Okay. Do you have a way to contact people without kidnapping them?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nooot really, if they're in other dimensions. I guess I can send everybody from a particular dimension home and ask them to talk to people for me. And I could probably develop a spell for it, but I don't have one right now, and I have said that about so many potential spells in the past two hours."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Sounds to me like leaving the dimension with the evil god paused is a pretty reasonable thing to do, and probably the safest thing to do, until we know whether the evil god has a way of noticing that you're coming for him. Does that sound right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

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"Also sounds like it'd be pretty good for you to be able to pause everyone when you need some time off, do you have a way to do that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - could try going to the fairy circle? I'm not actually sure whether the passage of time in the demiplane is connected to my plane or to my subjective experience of time. - all the people I summoned are in my personal demiplane right now. Because I have one of those."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...thanks."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Who all is there right now?"

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She counts off on her fingers. "The version of Connor who's royalty, the version of your dad who's royalty, the version of me who's from their world, the version of me who's been in hell for thousands of years, the version of Connor who goes with her, the version of Connor who's a full fairy, the version of me who belongs to the full fairy, your actual dad, and the version of me who didn't have a Connor and seems to be running from something called Wolfram & Hart and who might want her kids evacuated from her home dimension at some point. I think that's everybody. Oh, and the me who belongs to the fairy has a baby."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Gosh. That's - a lot."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Yes. Plausibly I should have summoned, like, two of those people. Sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

He shakes his head. "No, no, don't apologize. Metaphorically, you own the bank, here. We can solve their problems. Do you wanna tell me about these people or do you just want me to meet them -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"....it might be good for you to meet them before we summon the you who's a king, at least. I could summarize our concerns about all of them first if you want."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds useful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. The royalty people have the biggest problems that are going to take the most magic to solve, probably. Connor thinks he maybe offended the royal version of himself - who's going by Hagan, half these people have pseudonyms and half just have, like, identifiers - he thinks he offended Hagan by trying to convince him to serve the me from his world, which I could have told him was a terrible idea except I wasn't there at the time. The me from the D&D world worships Asmodeus, the evil god, which I assume is indicative of also having other problems. The version of your dad from there seems fine, he just wanted to talk to people about their native languages.

"The full fairy Connor and his version of me seem okay, apart from the fairy being accidentally true-name entangled with me and with the me who's alone, which we think we can solve with magic later. Also Hagan was concerned that it wasn't safe to leave the fairy Connor alone with anyone, which maybe indicates that he's displayed other problems and is maybe more like the fairies who kidnapped us that one time than Connor is. His slave doesn't seem immediately distressed so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt right now. Don't know a lot about the me who's a fairy slave, she seems pretty quiet and is mostly focusing on her baby. She's going by Cecelia.

"The me who's alone is also pretty quiet and I need to talk to her more about her situation and her kids and how I can help her. I know she says she's stuck working somewhere and expects that she needs to go home for her kids, but thinks it might be better if her kids were here, except that she doesn't really know what's going on and understandably doesn't trust us yet.

"The me who was in Hell is, like, conscious and making inferences but really confused and doesn't seem to have language anymore. She's really into apples and being hugged. Also apparently she can fly. The Connor who goes with her is a telepath and had taken her away from the others to hug her a lot; we're considering trying healing magic on her but we don't want to make anything worse. Telepath Connor suggested that we might try to get divination spells to tell us how the healing would go.

"The fairy doesn't know anybody's names except for the Karens, so like, don't let him know yours or Connor's but if you do it's not a total disaster because I think I can unstick people eventually."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. What's your favorite movie and have all these people seen it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - the Princess Bride is probably pretty far up there, or maybe the fourth Star Trek movie? I suspect they have not all seen it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe we could set them up with a movie while you take a break and check whether the demiplane moves with our plane or with your subjective experience and decide which of the plot hooks you want to explore first."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I actually kind of have no idea how to get the demiplane set up with electricity, and moving everybody from a specific dimension out of it might unpause their dimension, I haven't done extensive experimentation with this."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "Well, it doesn't have to be TV. Just want you to feel like - they'll keep, while you check how everything works and figure out what to do next."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Uh. I'll see if we have anything useful for entertaining people from other dimensions. You wanna go to the demiplane and talk to people?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes!" Bounce bounce.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aww.

And they both appear on the demiplane.

She snaps her fingers.

"Everybody okay here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

When the translation effect turned off he sat in place for a while staring at the horizon. 

Then he turned to Imrainai. 

"Okay, I think we need to have a conversation or everything will be awkward forever." 

Permalink Mark Unread

"This seems possible.

"I'm - sorry for asking if you were okay in front of the fairy, I wasn't thinking about stuff."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah, that's - I think that's on me. - are we safe from having to tell the truth now that they can't understand us?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have no idea. I guess we shouldn't risk it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Damn. I hate telling the truth."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Pff. Maybe you can just say you don't want to answer some questions. It's admittedly less fun than claiming to be a seagull."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's less - I dunno. 'I don't want to talk about that' is usually more than I want to say about something I don't want to talk about."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I can just - stop asking questions, I guess, if that's better - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah, wanna have the conversation. You already know - everything that matters - anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

 

"What did you wanna, uh, say."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Do people have to have things they want to say to have conversations. Well, fuck."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think that's usually how it works. I wouldn't know, I mostly avoid having them with people who aren't eight. At least when I'm not stuck in abandoned temples."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You were good with Cecelia."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. I hope she's okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If he's - me - it was an honest mistake. A really bad one, but -

- it takes a lot of growing up to understand that other people aren't like you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Maybe."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not - excusing it. Just."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not holding your alternate selves against you. If I were gonna do that I think I would be - worrying about becoming totally nonfunctional from embarrassment over some of the other people here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You've got the teenager on her way to godhood - reminds me of Verita, honestly, and it's not so weird that you'd turn out like Verita if the world didn't beat it out of you? - and the one who got tortured a lot and the one who may have signed away her soul or possibly just her life and Cecelia - like, that's a discouraging run of alternates but it's hardly an embarrassing one. None of them really screwed anything up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I am somewhat less annoyed about all of this if I imagine Verita doing it. I'm still kind of concerned about almost every opinion the teenage you has expressed, but, like, I guess I don't know exactly where he got them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think he just - wants me to be happy and has literally never considered that people might have higher priorities than happiness."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I feel like you're kind of the most reasonable non-me person on this plane right now. I'm not sure whether this says more about you or more about everyone else. - I guess I don't specifically have anything against the you who's a telepath."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'s probably the shared cultural background or something and everyone else thinks they're the most reasonable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, yeah, I assume so. I just - had not previously considered that people from Osirion might possess much in the way of shared cultural context. Compared to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"'s probably not that different. For most people. You grow food or you run a little store and you bring up your kids and you go to the temple and hope the gods keep all the really god-sized nonsense well away from you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am not at all sure that I wouldn't be leading a very different life if I had grown up in Osirion instead of Cheliax. But I guess there are - any commonalities."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Think it'd be a worse one?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I don't expect anybody would have allowed me to take care of Verita. Maybe my sister would be alive and it would be a moot point. My parents would probably have married me off to someone I didn't care about at all, and I'd have a baby right now, and I probably wouldn't have a job outside the house, and it'd be just as much a struggle, and I'd be just as alone, and whenever I tried to tell myself that I had meaningfully chosen it, I would be lying."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not, admittedly, that I've had very much agency or responsibility this past month. But - I worry that the fairy slave and the one who's traded herself to devils never got much of a choice, right, and I worry that the one who's brought us here has lots of choices but maybe doesn't have a lot of insight into the circumstances of people who don't, and - maybe the one eating apples made her choices and paid for them and was everything I could ever hope to be, for a while, but I have to admit that the end result is not very uplifting."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"Thought you were all for it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's kind of not how I imagined most people ended up. Like, I guess it's not actually that surprising that it's how I end up, I'm not really a very good toy soldier, but - I'd thought it would destroy different parts of me, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I've fought devils. It's missing different parts than they are. But I don't really buy that Hell would be trying to put everyone to use anyway. Kind of eviller if a lot of it's pointless, so."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think a lot of good people are kind of wrong about how evil works. It's not always doing the worst thing. It's being free to do the smart thing, the selfish thing, because Pharasma can't - threaten you, I guess, because no matter what you do she can't send you anywhere worse than you're already going. It's being able to kill your kid to slay a god who needs to be slain, even if you know this lands you in the worst place possible.

"Hell isn't wasteful. It isn't stupid. If it were wasteful and stupid then I wouldn't be expecting it to win."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The whole project of trying to destroy almost everything about people so that you can get rid of all the kinds - of minds, of ideas, of approaches to problem-solving - other than devils is the most colossally wasteful project I could conceive of. I dunno about stupid. I bet he's achieving his goals quite intelligently. I just - don't buy that he told Cheliax anything about his goals."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess if you have very high opinions of how humanity currently is it'd look pretty wasteful, sure."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I kind of hate almost everyone I've ever met and not every one of them beats a devil but all of them - ought to exist."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I remain really confused about why you would hate almost everyone and not hate me. I'm pretty hateable. Evidence that other versions of you get along with other versions of me notwithstanding."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're good to Verita."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty sure most people have at least one sympathetic quality."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe. 

 

- might've been trying harder. To not dislike you. Since it'd have been really inappropriate, under the circumstances. But I think it's mostly just that there's a long list of things that make me annoyed at people and you mostly don't happen to do them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh.

"I think it'd be fair to dislike me, honestly. Like, you didn't ask to be responsible for me any more than I asked for you to kidnap my niece. You shouldn't be a jerk about it, but, like, no one says you have to like me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmm, I - think I disagree? 

You were talking a bit earlier about Osirian marriage and I - I'm not saying that you're wrong exactly but the thing you're supposed to do is just - try. Really hard. Not expecting it to be fair, exactly, or rewarding, exactly, but just believing it's something worth trying at, with however much try you have every day, and people choose that a whole lot less than we chose to kidnap you."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I guess maybe if you don't have better options. Like how it's - it'd be bad, for Verita, if I didn't care about her. If you're going to raise a kid then you have to care. But it's - depressing, I guess, to think about everyone being stuck feeling like they have to feel certain ways about random people no matter how terrible those people are.

" - and anyway we're not married, we're not anything, we're just - momentarily stuck."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I was kinda figuring, before all this nonsense started, we might be stuck for a really long time. They're not gonna stop looking for her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And it's not - like, I wasn't trying to have feelings for you. Was trying not to. Just to not - hate you because it was easier, or anything."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I see."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And now, of course, perky teenager can get Verita safe and you guys can go wherever. Even Cheliax, probably, once Asmodeus is dead. But I couldn't have been...planning on that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I suppose not.

" - I kinda don't expect them to succeed at killing Asmodeus. That's - all the good and chaotic gods together haven't done it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Have they tried?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I don't know. They did have that war, a long time ago."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I believe that Nirvana actually understands that Hell is - that it shouldn't exist and no one should go there. Because they petition for everyone. Abadar sort of understands, but he's not interested in solving it except on the 'make fewer people deserve it' end, because he thinks - people need to choose not to go to Hell, sort of. I'm mangling the theology, I was never very good at it - not just because I'm not very smart, I didn't want him getting ideas about picking me.

Anyway I don't - think there's a lot of people trying to destroy Hell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I buy that. Doesn't mean it's easy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No. - but neither's stopping time on a whole plane. - or for that matter kidnapping people out of the Dome. That Dome's the shell of one of the spawn of Rovagug. Can't scry inside it, can't plane shift or teleport in or out."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - wow. Okay.

"Man, I - am trying to predict what I would do with that kind of power and I'm stuck on how implausible it would be for me to have it in the first place."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I've thought about becoming a god. Not, like, seriously, but, you know, something big comes up and we have to keep adventuring and keep adventuring until we're epic heroes and then I have to go for the Starstone to save the world or something. Just - the kind of stories all kids tell themselves, only I got this - extension on growing up.

I don't think I'd be very good at it. Not that the bar's high."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno if Cayden Cailean's made anything worse. Admittedly also don't know if he's made anything better."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Usedta wish a good god would do the thing Abadar does - because it is important, having countries that aren't having civil wars and that no one can push around - but I couldn't really bear to. Even if it'd make things better for most people on the whole." 

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"I think I'm not very good at this conversation thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sorry. We can stop."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I'm not any more distressed than I was before, just - I dunno what you think needs to be covered. We can probably agree that the teenagers have questionable insight into other people's personal lives, is that all?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh I just figured that if we talked then if we ever saw each other again we'd be like "oh yeah that's the person who has reasonable opinions about Cayden Cailean", or, whatever, instead of being like "hey the people with superpowers who kidnapped us think that I should be your ...slave and we should definitely be in love and probably have the power to effect both these things not that they mean harm not that they have any idea what it is either -"" His voice is getting more heated. He swallows and shakes his head.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ah. Yeah. If they try to take any actions towards that I can tell them they're being stupid. I guess I don't know if they'll listen to me in particular, given they're trying to kill my god, but - maybe the other Karen can talk some sense into them, or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not asking you to protect me. I just - will see more of the humor in the situation once they've made it clear they can drop the subject."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Also I figured if you wanted to be mad at me about the lying then I should - get used to that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Pff. Nah. I mean, don't intentionally piss off the fairy, but mostly as a matter of practicality."

Permalink Mark Unread

"See, if you were Osirian that'd be different."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"An Osirian would be very angry that I'd lied to them about who I was. They'd feel like I'd - maneuvered them into betraying things that were important to them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I guess it's lucky for me that the Osirian government is not very important to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snort.

Permalink Mark Unread

And this is about when the extremely powerful teenager comes back with someone else and snaps and asks if anybody needs anything.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

He still wants a house. Or sticks that can be used to build a house. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I cannot directly provide you with a house right now. I could get you sticks, I guess? Can you actually build a house out of sticks?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know if you have weird physics here but with normal physics I can build a house out of sticks."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - okay. I can get you sticks. I don't know whether it'll work for building houses, but if it doesn't then my boyfriend's getting tents and I guess you can have one of those until we figure something else out."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Anybody else? We are working on food, it should be here soon."

Permalink Mark Unread

No one else indicates any pressing problems.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. This is, uh - I'll let you pick your own pseudonym. The person who we think is a version of your pharaoh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's really impressive," he says to her. "Is it gonna have weather or anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think not unless I do more to it. It's a little more than two weeks old. I expect I'll be able to give it more traits later on."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I guess I will wander around and meet people, unless you need anything else?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nope! I'm gonna make pizza happen."

And she's gone.

She goes home, digs her spellbook out of her backpack, and checks it.

Permalink Mark Unread

He looks around at people. 

Permalink Mark Unread

He waves.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - hi. You must be Hagan?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes. You're a fairy? I need to worry about the lying and debt rules and so on?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Half fairy. You do need to worry about those things but I'm not trying to trip you up. - I'm not really trying to do much of anything. Karen is just feeling like maybe her magical skills have been growing faster than all the other skills involved in interdimensional shenanigans. And I don't think she was expecting the stakes to be so high, though she doesn't actually seem to be having very much trouble with that part. Are you okay? She's not going to hurt you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How'd she get her me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"They were coworkers! They dug graves together, after school. Then they were attacked by zombies and she saved his life. By fairy rules it's important when that happened. It puts him in her debt."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...sucks to be a fairy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It has some disadvantages. But humans, you know, die, so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies don't?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not unless they're careless."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Some of the afterlives don't suck."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Where I'm from humans don't know if they get an afterlife." He sits down. "The one time Karen died, she was fetched by a fellow in a cloak with a scythe, who agreed to let her come back to life in exchange for a rare flower she had which he thought was neat."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's kinda weird. And presumably not typical."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah, most people stay dead when they die. Though Karen's sister is a ghost and still lives with her children and Karen and Connor."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - not how ghosts work where I'm from, either."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - no?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"People sometimes leave ghosts, but usually if they died in an extremely traumatic fashion or as the result of a grave wrong, and they're not - all there anymore - never heard of one that just stayed home and kept raising their kids. Though I guess no one would call in adventurers over those, if there were some."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I hadn't heard of Karen's sister's thing ever happening in our world so I think it's pretty unusual there, too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What all are her powers?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know. She adds new ones pretty frequently. She can manipulate fairy debt, for one thing, which was previously thought to be impossible. I think she also goes to the hospital and does miracles pretty regularly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She has Miracle?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sorry, in my world that's not a technical term. - what does it mean in yours?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"'s when you ask your god for things. I'm not clear on who her god is."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think she has one."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do...you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Here and there."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My brother really doesn't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, fairies really aren't religious. I had scouted out some churches I could start attending if I want to run for president someday but at this point I figure I probably won't."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - run for president like -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Every four years the country has a vote on who is in charge and if you win then you're in charge but you have to have the dominant religion or most people won't vote for you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ah. Mine was appointed by his god. No one gets a vote."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am really excited to meet him!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm worried it'll be weird, having him here. In Osirion people aren't allowed to look at him. Or stand in his presence, or directly address him."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds nightmarish."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Civic duty, you know."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - honestly I really don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Weird. My brother is, like, seventy percent civic duty by vol - am I allowed to say that if I'm obviously joking."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...if it's true."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Your species is stupid. Just so you know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think Karen'll need human advisors quite a lot but she's only got us now.  - you need to understand, she was sixteen and raising two children with a ghost while waiting until it was legal for her to drop out of school so she could pay for them to keep a roof over their heads, and she got a slave from a species she didn't understand and terrifying magical powers.

And she figured out how they worked and went for healing, everyone anywhere in reach of her, and then for things that'd let her explore the universe. And she found versions of the person she trusted most and now she's not sure they don't hate her for being presumptuous."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't hate her! I really hope she's not overestimating herself, with respect to the killing Asmodeus thing, and that my brother can arrange for Cheliax to crumble onto a softer surface than - ow - that was a metaphor!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Then you say 'metaphorically'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What the hell, dude."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I assure you I didn't intend for you to do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

" - anyway I don't have a grudge against Karen at all."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Great! You could communicate that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure, I can be like, hey tiny Karen, this was neat, thanks for thinking of me -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Might work. Or when your brother arrives you can just - sound excited about everything, instead of detached and cynical and definitely not possessed of a single romantic bone in your body."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How come metaphors are okay when you do them?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"The negation! Also the use of the phrase "sound X, instead of sounding as if Y", constructions like that are fine. - I think you being excited about being here matters a lot."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can't actually say I'm all the way to 'excited'. Also when my brother gets here I'll be smelling the grass and waiting to see if he sees fit to address me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's how the king is greeted in your country?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Pharaoh. And yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think anyone else here is planning to do that and most of them aren't very persuadable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know. I -" Shrug.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think protocol is bad for Karen."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know it is."

Matthew nods slightly.

"And - I want her to be okay, I really do. I - it's more complicated than you think it is? No one's going to see why we don't just drop it and stop awkwardly inconveniencing everyone, and we'll probably pretty much have to, but - man, it's not that I think all planes should have protocol. The gods in Elysium aren't like this, and that's where I'm hoping for.

But - Osirion is the way it is, for reasons, good ones and bad ones and hard ones and - but all of them human reasons, right, all of them shaped the way they are because of things that are holy to people, and we don't actually have to change because everyone else judges us for it or gods there'd be a mess. I'm not saying you should do anything but I kneel for the pharaoh. I can talk to him after that, if it's important. Karen hasn't even been here when the last couple people arrived, maybe we can get our obligations of the way before she's even here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What're the reasons?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Get him to explain it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Your impressions of everyone here -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Imrainai thinks you're gonna fail to kill Asmodeus, for pretty reasonable reasons plus her religious devotion to him. She's from my world so she has reasonable priorities for the most part and she's from Cheliax so she thinks human flourishing is fundamentally pointless. Next person to ask us about our relationship gets stabbed. Possibly with my teeth."

Permalink Mark Unread

"To be honest with you I was worried when I heard that it was going to be a lie."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Nah!  I have a spell for mauling people with my teeth!"

Permalink Mark Unread

He gestures at the Karen who is neither possessed with superpowers nor recently arrived from Hell.

Permalink Mark Unread

"We should really differentiate the Karens. That one may have sold her soul to devils and definitely signed some kind of questionable life contract with them. She seems neat but obviously I haven't bothered her very much -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's not actually obvious to me -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, just, uh, you don't walk up to strange women and strike up a conversation with them, they'll be wondering the whole time what you want and why you thought you could get it from them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I do that at least ten times a day. Except on Saturdays."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Right, but you're you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What I'm concluding is that I should talk to Karen right now because no one has been doing that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Pretty legit. Okay, everyone else, real fast. Fairy. Sketchy as fuck though maybe you won't think so. Cecelia. Seems like a really sweet human being who deserves a hardworking husband and a nice big farm and a gorgeous altar to Erastil or Shelyn or somesuch which she and the husband built themselves out of particularly shiny pebbles they found while planting their squashes and potatoes. I think the fairy would try to get this for her if he had the slightest understanding of why anyone might want it. 

Hell Karen. She was in Hell. Now she's pretty fucked up and really likes food, and hugs, and doesn't understand language. Leave her alone, I figure. Her version of me, who says they were good friends and wants to be cautious about the use of mind-effecting magic to speed her recovery which is pretty reasonable. If you go near her he might bite you. No idea if that's a metaphor, I don't recognize his species. Might be an elf? In which case it'd be a metaphor."

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" - thank you."

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"Happy to do it any time I know more about a large group of people than you, which is to say I'll never do it again."

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"- I've been underestimating Connor."

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Shrug. 

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"Do you do hugs in Osirion?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Course we do." Hug. "Boys hug boys and girls hug girls and then no chance of any impropriety."

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He draws back and studies him for a second. Then he shakes his head. "All right. Talk to you later."

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"Talk to you later!"

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And he heads over to Karen. "Hey, I'm Matthew."

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"Hi. I'm - I guess I should learn to stop introducing myself."

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"I guess so. You're from an Earth?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes."

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"Us too. Moonlight Falls, in Virginia. Uh, in the United States, in the year 2013, I guess I shouldn't assume much just from 'Earth' -"

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"About a decade later than mine. I'm from Los Angeles."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I've never been, what's it like?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um. Lots of movie stars and vampires."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yikes? Or are vampires actually fine, I'm learning all kinds of new things today."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think they're mostly not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Good to know. - how do I know if someone's a vampire."

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"They can't go outside in sunlight and can't get into human-occupied houses without an invitation. I'm not really an expert."

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" - do you need a hug."

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"Um."

How do you tell fairies that you don't really want a hug from them without telling any lies about how okay you are or how much you might need hugs in general.

"I don't really - think it would help."

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"Okay - the fairy who learned your name didn't try to make that your problem, did he?"

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"He, uh, said that he wasn't going to hurt me? But some people were not super confident that he knew how to do this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He can't do anything to you because of the entanglement, and he can't make you do anything. So the way that fairies work, if you're in someone's debt, they can order you around. I'm in your debt right now and you don't have any debt, any direction, with him, or with Connor. He can order you until his face is blue and you can ignore him entirely. The universe will not punish you, he cannot touch you.

 

I think he would have implied otherwise because it'd be awfully convenient for him if you thought you had to do what he wanted. But you don't."

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" - oh."

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"If you lie it'll hurt him a lot and it might hurt his family too, depending how the planes work. So he's scared of you. But he can't - not even under the admittedly screwed up fairy rules about who can do what - hurt you."

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- nod.

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"I can stop talking with you now if you'd like. I know it's stressful talking with fairies without practice at it. But - so you know -"

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Nodnod. "Thank you."

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"If you're up for it, it'd be neat if you could ask me some questions or ask me for a small favor or something so that we'd be even. Since I asked you some questions and am now in your debt. If you don't want to, that's completely fine. Small amounts of debt wear away over time anyway."

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"Oh, uh. ....how do you know the other ...me."

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"We went to the same high school! We didn't talk very much because I was a couple of years older and also she was very unhappy in school - this was before she met Connor and actually had enough support at home to realize she was any good at it - but I knew who she was and I think she knew who I was? Possibly not. It'd be a bit embarrassing to ask, I try to act like I am definitely over caring about who was popular in high school now that I have been out of it for six months."

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"Ah.

"...how long has she been, like... magic."

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"She found a spellbook in the catacombs, last spring. - it's been longer than that for her subjectively, because Fairyland runs faster than the human world. A couple of years, maybe."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wow.

"Uh - how many questions should I be asking - "

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"One more would be good? If it's easier I could suggest them and you could pick which ones actually interest you or something?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh - sure."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmmm - what sorts of things do fairies do with their lives? Am I evil? What's with Connor and Karen? How are your niece and nephew? Or if you don't wanna get into anything you could ask about, I dunno, favorite pizza toppings."

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" - should I be suspecting you of being evil."

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" - so my impression is that we're, like, 50-50, for evilness, so far? We've got the evil fairy and the devil-worshipping you and the one who's in Hell though I take it not for, like, very typical evil - anyway I kinda just wonder about everybody at this point? And I can't lie."

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"I guess everyone here is kind of suspicious."

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"It seems kind of like you and your alternates always find yourselves in the middle of powerful magical to-dos and ours got - luckier."

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"Maybe."

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"I'm not totally clear what your situation is except that my Karen thought we should maybe just evacuate you and your family from the dimension."

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"Uh. I work for an interdimensional evil law firm and I'm not allowed to leave."

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"Not allowed like they'll kill you or not allowed like there's magic stopping you or - some other kind of not allowed, I'm sure I'm missing some."

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"Mostly they'll kill me. And if I die I might be summoned back? I know that happens to some people but I'm not actually sure whether I'm important enough for them to bother with it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds terrifying."

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah it really is.

"Eh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We can check whether there are vampires in our world."

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"Yeah. That seems good to know."

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"Did you like any of those questions? Should I come up with some more?"

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"Uh. - what's up with Connor and Karen?"

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"She saved his life when some zombies attacked them at work. That creates a life debt. By fairy law he belonged to her. We offered to pay her for it, but she was - pretty suspicious of that, understandably. So he started trying to pay it back. Moved in with her. Gives her the money from his job. Eventually they decided they were - both happy. He's not really - fairies who look at them will see that he belongs to her but of course if he wanted to leave she could use her magic to erase the debt. So it's not really slavery."

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"Oh. Okay. I guess that's - weird but less obviously evil."

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"He was so unhappy before. He'd tell us every day he meant to run off to Canada and wrestle bears. We're very grateful to her. I - think she's doing better too? He watches her niece while she's at school and it turns out she does really well when she's not trying to grow up too fast and of course she's going to end all the problems in the world with magic but I don't know whether to count that, it seems to have been a lot of luck."

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"I see."

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"She really didn't mean to terrorize you all."

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"Yeah. That makes sense. Obviously if she can get my niece and nephew and we can stay somewhere without - provoking any kind of retaliation, that'll be good."

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"I really hope that works, then. Happy to offer any help I can, though that is not very much, because I am a college student with really inconvenient superpowers and I've never heard of an interdimensional evil law firm."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, no, I didn't expect it. Uh. Thanks again for telling me about the fairy."

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"Of course. - you should get a hug from that Imrainai." He points. "I'm completely out of line suggesting this and I feel very silly but I think it would be good."

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"....maybe. I don't really want to - inconvenience anybody."

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"I noticed. I think it'd be good for her too or I would've successfully minded my own business."

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"I see. I'll - think about it."

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"Okay. I'm trying to - talk to people and figure out what's going on, I'll be about if you think of anything I can help with."

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Nodnod.

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He wanders off in the direction of the Karen who went to Hell.

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She has eaten a lot of apples and now her stomach hurts and she finds additional apples kind of bizarrely unappealing, even though they're still one of the greatest things in existence. She's progressed to petting and examining Alex's clothing and trying to figure out what sort of material it might have been made out of.

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He can separate it into threads and then show how they weave back together, though he can't put them back together as well as they came apart. He is crying.

Don't think we want company. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. 

- what's your deal?

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That's kind of a long story. ...you should maybe get my family. If we're at the getting-families stage of this thing. You okay?

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Me? I'm having a great time.

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Nod.

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...sorry?

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No, no, I'm glad. I just.

I guess you need to know.

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They stand there talking for a long time.

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And in another dimension, Karen goes back to her house and flops on her bed and checks her spellbook for anything new.

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Spell: Demiplane Customization

You can conjure small objects in your demiplane.

To learn this spell, go to your demiplane. Say: urwumple. Saggafit. Slempo.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hahaha this is so great!!

She checks where Connor is via mindreading. Probably she should at least bring pizza back and ask if he wants to go back to the demiplane too.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is getting the pizza still.

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Well, probably she should wait for that. 

You gonna want to come back to the demiplane after this? Your brother's there now.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh maybe she no longer dislikes him that'd be good - no, none of his business, she can dislike him as much as she wants. But it's probably not that much. If he's on the plane. Hopefully everyone will like the pizza and chill out.

Yeah, I'll come back.

Permalink Mark Unread

I don't dislike your brother that much. He's just - I dunno. Probably I'll get along with him better when I've had more positive interactions with him. 

Got a new spell. Once I learn it I can conjure small objects in my demiplane. Doesn't give any limitations so I'd say that some experimentation is in order.

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Oooooh.

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Right! I really wanna see what the limits are, especially whether it's just size and if so what the size is.

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On my way.

 

He runs back with the pizza.

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Eee.

And when he gets back she can send them both back to her demiplane.

"Food's here."

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"Oh good! Food!"

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"It's pizza. You eat it like so." And she spreads the boxes out on the grass and opens the cheese one and demonstrates how to eat pizza.

Permalink Mark Unread

Pizza is pretty neat.

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Oh good.

She opens her spellbook up.

"Urwumple. Saggafit. Slempo."

She tries making a pencil.

Permalink Mark Unread

Pencil!

Permalink Mark Unread

Cool! 

Can she unmake this pencil or does she just have a pencil now.

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She just has a pencil now.

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Okay, solid.

She pops back to her room to put the spellbook away. Does the pencil come with her back to her room?

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Yep!

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Oh wow she was not expecting that. That's actually incredibly powerful. She can just - make objects and take them with her anywhere.

Wow.

She puts her spellbook away and pops back to her demiplane. 

"The stuff can come out of the demiplane," she tells Connor. "I can just make stuff now."

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" - awesome!!!!"

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"Right! I should brainstorm all the things that might be useful small objects so I'm not missing any really awesome applications - "

Okay what did people need. Sticks, right, sticks are definitely small objects. Here's a pile of sticks and leaves for the fairy.

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The fairy is happy! He will probably get started on building him and Cecelia a house in that tree over there, then.

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...okay, sure, hopefully he has fun with that.

She makes herself a Pathfinder core rulebook to consult the magic item list.

Can she make a...... ring of telekinesis. Probably not but she'd feel real dumb if she could and then she didn't try it.

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She can make a ring. It's not immediately obvious whether it's of telekinesis.

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Well, if she puts it on can she telekinetically move her core rulebook?

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Nope.

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Figures. She's not going to bother being disappointed; she was not really expecting to become omnipotent today.

Can she make a tent. Are tents small objects if they've been all folded up.

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She can make one of those ultralight backpacking tents that's barely larger than a softball when folded up. She cannot make tents that are bigger than that.

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Hm. Well, okay. She makes a few of those and tosses one to Connor.

"Do you think you could figure out how to get these set up? I don't think I can make anything bigger than this right now, they might only be big enough for one person each. But maybe the people who don't have fairies to build houses for them would also appreciate some privacy. - not that you have to keep doing stuff, I just, like, actually don't know how to set up a tent."

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"I'm on it."

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"Thank you. Please let me know if you want any small objects."

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"I have everything I want."

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Eeee. Love you.

"Anybody else want anything? As of five minutes ago I think I can make anything nonmagical and smaller than this book."

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"Do you know if the stuff you make can be used for spell components?"

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"I dunno, I've only had it a few minutes. Anybody here know spells that need spell components?"

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"I could prepare one tomorrow? - pharaoh'll have some."

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"Oh, I have some."

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"Cool! What do you need for a test?"

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"- hmm, we could try Ablative Sphere? Needs a little crystalline sphere, like this -" He shows her his.

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She examines it for a moment and then tries making a little crystalline sphere. If it works she can give it to him.

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It works fine. 

He casts the spell. That works fine, too; he's surrounded by a globe of crystals, growing into each other to form a web.

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"Neat. So yeah, I guess I can conjure spell components just fine."

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" well that's super convenient."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I bet so!"

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"Probably you cannot just resurrect everyone out of the bad afterlives and solve the problem that way. Because at some point the evil gods would object. But components are the main constraint on that. For what it's worth."

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"Oooooh.

"Okay. I guess - probably I should contact the pharaoh before I decide which of the many potential spells I could go for are the ones I should go for. I am slightly concerned that he may be a really high-level character and attempt to take over my demiplane or otherwise dramatically inconvenience all of us, but he - " she points to Matt - "probably has to go back to school in a couple days and therefore I should probably get it out of the way while he's still around.

"Is there - anything I should do before I do that."

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If you want I can drop out of school. 

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I - feel like we should know more about what we need before we decide that. If you want to then, like, obviously I am glad for help and can't make you stay in school, but if you don't want to it might not be necessary.

I think probably I have to drop out. I'm, like - I wanted to finish but at this point this stuff is too important to put on hold for another year and a half.

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It does kinda seem that important. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah.

You think we should get the you who's a king now?

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I like his Connor. Dunno for sure if that means we'll like him but I think we probably will. 

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All right, well, probably only one way to find out for sure.

It's a somewhat complicated spell and I'll need you to come over here and help me cast it.

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He heads over to her.

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Then she'll conjure some materials she needs and spend the next ten or so minutes working on kidnapping the pharaoh of Osirion.

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He sits there patiently.

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- and then there is a pharaoh of Osirion. He looks startled. He reaches for a holy symbol at his neck and casts Repulsion. 

He looks around.

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Hagan and the pharaoh's father both kneel.

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Nobody else does. Korva's talking to the alone Karen; both of them stop to frown at the pharaoh. Cecelia's breastfeeding her baby and eating pizza, and doesn't acknowledge him at all.

The magic Karen waves. "Hi! Sorry for grabbing you like this, we didn't have another way to contact you. Your brother thought we should talk to you about how to kill Asmodeus and fix Hell before we proceeded with our plans to do that. Uh, don't tell lies and don't use your birth name. Those aren't my rules, it's just that there are fairies here and if you lie or use your real name it'll cause a bunch of problems."

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He says something imperceptibly quiet. Hagan answers him. 


"...hello," he says. "Is there a name that I should use instead?"

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"Anything that's not your birth name should be fine, I think?"

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"I am the Ruby Prince Khemet III, we take the name on selection. Is there a name that I should use for you."

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"Um." She points at Connor. "Hey, dude, gimme a name."

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"...the ...diamond...queen...Elizabeth the 10th. If we're gonna be all fancy with our names now."

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"I probably should have asked anyone else on this plane. Elizabeth works."

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"Hagan would've been just as bad, actually. He tells me that this is because that one is his alternate universe duplicate. I have to confess I've never heard of alternate universe duplicates."

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"Yeah, we have about a day of experience with them. All of the women in this room are alternate universe duplicates of me, that guy's an alternate of your father and I really think that those two have the strongest resemblance, even though the other one's a fairy, and there are four of your brother and two of you now. This is the other you." She gestures at Matt.

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"It's a pleasure," he says to Matt.

 

"Why are you trying to kill Asmodeus?"

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"Um, 'cause he's evil and tortures presumably at least millions of people, and we object to that sort of thing, and probably he would object to us trying to stop him."

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"Does he know that you exist?"

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"He might, but there's a very good chance that he doesn't. Your world's been paused since I kidnapped your brother. I guess the existence of the Pathfinder roleplaying game kind of indicates that someone from my world probably had some kind of contact with your world at some point, but other than that, like, there's no real reason to expect that any of your gods are aware of us. ...except I guess Nethys, that's kind of his shtick."

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"Okay. Unless you're very sure you can't be killed it seems important he continue not to know that you exist. - are you very sure you can't be killed."

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"No, I can super be killed. I have reason to believe that I can rectify this situation pretty quickly if I focus on it, but at the moment, nah."

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"I don't think I know of anything that's safe and as difficult as killing Asmodeus, such that you could try it and be pretty sure that if you succeeded you were ready. But I can think of some things that would be only a little bit easier and are safe enough to try, and if you can't handle those then you definitely wouldn't be ready. Is that helpful?"

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"Yes! Absolutely. Mostly I need to know what things I would need to be able to do and which specific abilities I would probably need to have, such that I can work on developing spells for them. 'Get stronger' is not really enough of a plan to be getting on with."

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"I've never heard of anyone who wasn't a god killing one. To fight a tough enemy that wasn't a god, you'd need spell resistance, a magically-boosted reaction time, the ability to throw off mind-affecting magic, cursebreaking, healing and the ability to counter the kinds of physical harm that healing doesn't handle well, the ability to bypass other peoples' spell resistance, the ability to do harm in lots of different ways to be able to work around invulnerabilities to most kinds of harm, and the ability to withstand grievous physical injuries without losing your ability to keep moving and keep working."

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She conjures a notebook and pen and writes this down. She frowns at her list.

"This is gonna take a bit. Might be able to get it done inside a year without resorting to any risky shortcuts, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I don't actually know if that's enough for it to be a good idea to go after Asmodeus but you could go after the Tarrasque or something and if that worked I would think you could go after the Starstone."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! That's enough of a plan to be getting on with, for now. Would you like to stay here or be returned to your home dimension? This is in effect asking if you want to stay here or be paused until I'm stronger, your dimension is probably not going to move until I'm ready to do that."

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"I don't think I know enough about where here is to answer that."

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"Oh! Sorry. This is my personal demiplane and current base of operations. It's, um, sort of a work in progress. But we have access to food and water, and we're working on getting tents set up for people, so if you want to stay here and talk to people from other universes I think that would be fine. As long as you don't lie or break promises or attack any of the fairies if you end up with any fairy debt. Don't attack anybody, really. Or bother those two," she says, pointing at Alex and the Karen from hell. "I think they don't want to be bothered."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can I talk to some people and get you an answer in an hour or so?"

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"Yeah! Absolutely. If you're hungry feel free to take some pizza."

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"Thank you." He does not take some pizza.

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"Okay. Next order of business was going to be getting the alone me's kids, if she wants that. I can still do that, but it'll mean leaving everybody alone in this configuration for half an hour. Does anybody mind being left alone in this configuration for half an hour."

She's looking at Cecelia.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think I'll be all right."

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"Okay. Alone me, do you want us to bring your kids here? Also do you wanna pick a name that isn't 'alone me'."

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I'm - kind of worried that if you keep bringing people here one of them will turn out to be dangerous. Uh. I don't know if I'm doing this right.

Also she's kind of terrified of this person and her decision-making abilities, and the idea that the person is somehow her makes her more worried about it, not less.

Permalink Mark Unread

That makes sense. Do you want to wait on getting your kids back, then?

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" - I think I maybe want to wait a while longer. And, uh - Valentine, I guess, let's go with Valentine."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. From Ender's Game?"

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"Yeah."

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"Works for me. In that case I guess I'm going to make a bunch of small material objects."

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He gestures his brother and his father over to him and they start speaking.

Permalink Mark Unread

Small objects!

Permalink Mark Unread

Hmmm. Can she make a fully charged laptop with a DVD player in it, or is that too big or something? She's not sure how to make electricity work, but maybe they can get a few hours of TV or something.

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Laptop's too big, apparently.

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Hmm. Can she do a fully charged iPad with The Princess Bride and The Voyage Home downloaded onto it?

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Yep!

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She turns it on and checks that the movie works. "If anybody wants to watch a movie, we got one over here. They're neat. Fairies shouldn't watch it, it'll cause debt."

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Fe-Anar and Hagan are still speaking quietly with the pharaoh away from everyone else.

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He is still explaining himself to Matt and holding his Karen.

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She looks around. Cecelia and Valentine are both watching the pharaoh and trying to pretend they're not.

"Maybe later. Thanks, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure."

She'll just be over here making objects. Gotta give her spellbook positive feedback.

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Eventually the conversation breaks off and the pharaoh heads over to Diamond Queen Elizabeth the Tenth. "I think I'm going to return home. I can't speak to Abadar here - presumably because his dimension is paused - and I don't see a good way to make the security here satisfy my obligations to my people without impeding your operations. Hagan speaks for me, and can fetch me again if he needs to.

There is one thing I wanted to offer to do before I leave."

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"What's that?"

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"I have a resurrection prepared today. Is there anyone who you'd like to have here who is dead? This might only work if they are in one of our afterlives, I've never tried it in any other context."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh!" Man, she really wants her sister to be solid again, but she sort of has Azalea already, and it might not work anyway. They should use it on something that'll definitely work.

" - Imrainai, you said you had a dead sister?"

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" - yeah. I did. I don't know if she'll be any help - "

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"We'd like Imrainai's sister back. About how many diamonds do you need?"

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"This big, if it's one of them, or a handful about this many -" He pulls a comparable number of rubies out of a bag in his sleeves.

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She hands him a big diamond.

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And he closes his eyes, touches his hand together, and whispers under his breath. 


His father and brother stand nearby and pace nervously while he does this.

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She waits.

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And presently there is a woman. She looks around.

 

"Do I know.... any of you? - oh, hi Korva."

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Connor and Matt's father twitches.

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" - hi. We're trying not to use real names. - hi."

She's maybe just going to hug her sister right now.

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"Hi! ....what is going on."

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"It's complicated. I'll fill you in in a bit."

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"Thank you," she says to the pharaoh. "You want to go home now?"

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"I think I will. Thank you. Plane Shift."

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" - I guess that works. Uh. Sorry about the names," she says to Matt and Connor's father. "I'll work on fixing it."

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"Thank you."

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Well. She'll just be over here working on making stuff. 

Gonna need some kind of waste disposal solution before people have to pee, she tells Connor. Looks like this is gonna end up a long haul kind of thing.

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Oh. Yeah. Does that rulebook have a spell for that?

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I'm not sure. I guess the wizard might be able to prestidigitate stuff away. Wouldn't count on it. 

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I can go back to our plane and ...ask about Port-a-Potties? I guess?

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Yeah, I guess. Probably should start working on that before we rest. I guess in the mean time I can... repurpose some pots to be chamberpots.

I'm so tired.

Permalink Mark Unread

Did you check if the fairy circle's still sped up relative to this place?

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Oh. I didn't. I should do that. I guess - man, maybe chamber pots are fine for tonight. I can grab some and we can go home, go to the fairy circle, pop back here, ask someone to count, spend a while in the fairy circle, leave it, come back, ask how long it's been?

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Yeah. Let's do it.

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Okay.

She pops back to her plane. Digs some pots and lids out of the kitchen. Pops back. Lets anybody know that if they need to poop then chamberpots are what's available right now. And then they can pop back and walk out to the fairy circle, pop back, tell Valentine to count until they get back, and return to the fairy circle.

"Aaaaa. There are so many things."

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Hug. "You're doing great."

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Hug. "M'trying. I feel like - I can definitely come up with a ton of spells pretty fast here, just - I'm not really prepared to entertain and take care of a dozen people right now."

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"Especially when they're all weird and have weird issues."

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"Yeah. That does make it harder. Especially, like - a bunch of them are scared. And I don't want them to have to be scared that - even if I don't hurt them I might not be prepared to keep them safe and taken care of."

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"Yeah. Maybe once we've - taken a break and slept and stuff - we can ask people for advice on what counts as good security in their world, see how much of it you can duplicate."

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"Yeah, that might help. But it's not just that, it's like - we have a bunch of these people totally dependent on us for food and water and all of their interactions with the outside world. And I want to make sure they have everything they need, but I'm not sure I should trust me to think of everything, and I'm not sure I should trust the other me's to, like, say, when they need something."

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"Does seem kinda like the sort of thing people who are you might not think of. - and their mes might not think of it either? 'm not quite sure."

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Nod.

"I hope they don't, like - dislike us. I'm not sure whether that's petty or not."

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"I think they kind of think we're reckless kids. Which - we might've looked cooler if we'd waited longer but I don't think we would've been better."

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"Yeah, maybe. I keep thinking - like, if I'd waited I would have looked less stupid and less presumptuous, right? But also if I'd waited I wouldn't have been making as good of use of this time. Like - the reason they're here is that I thought they would be able to help me figure out what I should be doing. And I feel like they totally did that."

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"Yeah, that's what I meant. Waiting would've been about looking cool instead of figuring out the right thing and doing it. Plus, you know, if you wait and don't try much and don't involve anyone else, what kind of spells are you going to get."

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"Yeah. If I want to progress as quickly as possible, I kind of have to be always reaching for some of the hardest stuff I can do.

" - should we be going back and checking if any time's passed?"

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"Guess so."

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So she pops back. "How long was that?"

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"About ninety-three seconds."

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"Drat. Well, either way I have to sleep. Anybody need anything first? Anybody from my dimension wanna go home? Alternatively, do you want me to keep our dimension probably progressing on fairy time?"

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People don't really especially have opinions about this.

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He is describing Fazil and Mahdi to Matt. "You might not know them, I hadn't met them when I was Connor's age."

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"I don't think he has. Sorry."

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"No worries. Just thought I'd check."

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"Would they be particularly good people to have -"

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"I don't know. But we don't really have security, right now, you know, in the sense of 'people who are very hard to kill and good at handling shit' - and probably nothing's gonna happen, but -"

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"I'll think about whether there's another way to solve that, yeah."

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"Thanks."

 

Then he also has no requests of the Diamond Queen.

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Cool.

To Connor, Do you wanna sleep here or at the house or in the fairy circle?

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Hmmm. ...fairy circle's probably smartest? It'd be awkward if our world started...expecting things of us...right now.

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Yeaaaah. Also if we have to do stuff here for a while we should at some point decide whether to bring the kids here or ask if your mom can look after them for a bit, but that doesn't have to be right now.

And they can go back to the fairy circle, and she can hug him and turn telepathy on. She's really glad that telepathy is important for faster magic gain because it means she isn't trading off useful stuff against it, she can just do the thing she actually wants to do, which is snuggle and telepathy and possibly maybe get to hear that she's wonderful and he loves her. Maybe. She's so tired.

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She's wonderful and he loves her. It's, like, slightly soothing that most of him also love her even if some of them are suspiciously bad at it. He's worried that the full fairy one kidnapped her because that's what he would've done if he was a full fairy, he wouldn't have known that it'd hurt her. But he'd still love her.

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Eeee. The full fairy one does seem like he loves Cecelia, and maybe he's not doing things that are super great for her but if he's not then maybe Connor can explain some things to him? Maybe he'll be more understanding about that than Hagan. 

She's really really glad she has him with her for this. Like - getting the pizza and setting up the tents and talking with her about getting Matt was maybe not, like, a set of things that will go down in the history books, but if he hadn't done them then everyone would be way more hungry and scared and stressed, including her, and it's just - really really really good to have someone she knows she can count on to do stuff. 

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He was not really figuring he'd be in the history books. He was figuring he would be hers and that would be good, and also lots of cool random magical stuff would happen that he could be helpful with. So everything's good, on that front. 

He will try to explain to the full fairy one about how to take good care of your Karen and maybe he will try again with Hagan when Korva is not listening and Hagan doesn't have to pretend to be whatever he's pretending to be.

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Does he think that's a good idea? Probably some people are kind of averse to people telling them they should serve random people they barely know. Possibly even some people who are him.

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Yeah part of the problem was definitely also the content but - maybe he'll talk to Matt about it.

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Talking to Matt about it makes sense.

Snuggle. She feels sort of like she should be doing something nice for him. Since he was so helpful today. Can he think of any nice things he wants.

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Well there's this girl he really likes and she could arrange for him to get to kiss her. The girl is her. He was gonna not think that last thing because it was a kind of joke where you pretend it's not obvious who you are thinking about but those are hard to do over telepathy and also he was a little worried she wouldn't realize and would think it was a different Karen or something. The other ones aren't pretty. - that's mean. The other ones are probably okay they're just all grown up and - this is irrelevant -

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He is adorable and she can definitely arrange for him to get kissed. By her.

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Oh good.

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Hagan is now wearing a little circlet of Osirian make. It looks very expensive. He spends a long time asking Matt questions about Earth and America, and then an equally long time answering them about Osirion so they are even.

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She fills her sister in on most of the important things that have happened since she died. Tries to answer her questions about the demiplane and about everyone around them. Lets her know that the fairy is sketchy and that they should maybe be running emotional support for Valentine and Cecelia, who seem to have very little of it. 

Eventually she finishes hugging and filling her sister in and wanders over in Hagan's general direction.

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He has finished talking with Matt and is digging at the grass with a knife that he's apparently been carrying.

"Hey. Is your sister okay?"

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"Pretty okay, for someone who's been wandering around the Maelstrom for the past seven years. I guess it takes longer than that to drive you completely insane."

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"Does it even reliably do that or is that just anti-Maelstrom propaganda, I always wondered. - 'm glad she's doing all right. You?"

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Shrug. "Managing. It was cool of your.... pharaoh, to bring her back."

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"I'm glad he could.

He's - I don't like the way Osirion teaches about any of it, but whenever Fazil says 'the pharaoh's picked by Abadar and embodies his ideals and doesn't have human flaws anymore' I don't actually know how to argue, because he - 

- I'm sure he makes mistakes but they're too small for anyone to catch them, or too big to ever actually know for sure if they were one. No medium-sized mistakes at all."

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" - I guess that makes sense."

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"Does it? Then I should write it down." Snort. "Ask Matt to write it down." He touches the circlet, self-consciously. 

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"What's it do?" she asks, looking at the circlet. "Assuming it does something. It looks like it'd do something."

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"Three standard deviations on all cognitive skills. It's the pharaoh's. I'm borrowing it." He imitates his brother's voice. 'Don't lose it, the backup one digs into my scalp funny'".

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"Huh. Does it... feel like anything?"

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"Wanna try it?"

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" - is that even allowed? Are there not, like, rules against letting the peasantry use the pharaoh's stuff?"

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"Pretty sure there are no laws at all here. I'm not enjoying it as much as I'd have expected to but I can at least have this."

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"Pff. Well. I guess, in that case - sure. Just for a bit."

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He takes off the circlet and hands it to her.

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She puts it on.

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"Well? What do you think? - I didn't have any sudden revelations or anything but when I thought about what to do next I thought of 'ask Matt what the country and city he and Elizabeth are from is like so I have more context on what they consider appropriate and acceptable' instead of 'kick the grass a lot', so."

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"Um. I - feel like when Elizabeth gets back I should maybe talk over her plans with her and see if they make any sense, and get a better sense of her power set and priorities and - the ways in which we're similar, and what she can be relied on to do and what we need to be keeping track of ourselves. And determine whether I have any skills she doesn't have and whether I should be, like, nurturing those so I don't remain almost entirely useless. I guess."

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" - you observably have a buncha skills she doesn't have and are also taking care of all of the other ones. You're not useless."

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"The other ones'll probably calm down and stop acting like scared rabbits in a couple days. Dunno what I'll do with myself then."

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Nod. He kicks at the dirt.

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" - you can have it back, if you want. It seems like a really important thing to have."

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"Yeah, probably. Thank you."

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"Yeah. Thanks for letting me try it."

She hands it back. 

"Learn anything super interesting from Matt?"

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"Their city is nothing like their planet, it's kind of weird. Their city has all kinds of nonsense - Connor was saved from some zombies by Elizabeth, thus the weird slavery situation; my family is fairies; Elizabeth's sister is a ghost, Elizabeth's niece is a werewolf -

- the rest of the world, as far as Matt knows, doesn't know about any magic or any other species and doesn't believe zombies, ghosts, fairies, or werewolves exist. No gods, either. - well, lots of people believe in gods but the dominant religions are all pretty inconsistent with the stuff that has been going on and no gods who choose clerics or do the kind of predictable miracles you might show a skeptic or anything. They dunno if they even have an afterlife."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wow. That's - bizarre."

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"It seems to be working out all right for them! They're very - most places've banned slavery and they have democracies that have actually been around long enough you can't say 'democracy is a cute idea but Andoran sure looks like it's going to crash and burn' anymore, and they gave women the vote a while back and that worked fine, too. Very rich. Lots more technology than us. They mostly have the usual sexual liberalism divorce-is-fine dump-your-babies-overboard thing except until very recently they loathed same-sex relationships, which were banned most places and deeply scandalous in all the rest of them, and which are now banned in only about half of all the places. There's a big liberation movement featuring rainbow flags."

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"Huh."

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"Matt was funny. He prefers men, right, and plans to never ever act on this in any way outside of fairyland until it's clear if the swing in public opinion is sticky. I thought that was ridiculous but it's - it's the don't-make-medium-sized-mistakes instinct without the divine power and enhancements and advisors to actually get somewhere sane with it. 

- fairies don't have any taboos about sex whatsoever but I'm cutting them a tiny bit of slack since they also can't bear children while in fairyland so they're, you know, going to be more like outsiders than like us about that kind of thing."

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"I guess that makes sense. By 'none whatsoever' you mean - literally none?"

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"I mean I am a nice sheltered Osirian and there might be kinks I have not heard of and didn't think to ask about."

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"Right, sorry, I'm just - trying to accurately adjust my impression of how worried about Cecelia and her kids I should be."

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"Did ask about that. Got 'I've asked some fairies if they were sexually attracted to kids and none of them were so I suspect it's kind of unusual'."

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"...well. That's good, I guess."

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"It could be worse! But poor Cecelia."

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"Yeah. I dunno what to - I know they're not now, but I'm not very confident the fairy's not going to accidentally make more terrible decisions."

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"Yeah. -'s part of why the pharaoh left, she looked terrified the whole time and she desperately needs some people to talk to who don't have terrifying amounts of power over her."

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"Yeah. Makes sense. I guess - her and Valentine aren't exactly the most pressing problems around, but they're the only ones I feel like I have any ability to work on."

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"I think it'll be good for Elizabeth if her alternate universe selves are in better shape. You can provide - perspective and advice and so on."

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"I mean, I can try. I'm kind of surprised they're listening to me as much as they are, given - everything."

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"You're notably better at - being sensible, I guess - than almost everyone here. I think that's mostly because most of them are really embroiled in their personal romantic dramas and Valentine is still kind of expecting to die the second someone is annoyed at her about something. But still. It stands out. I have no idea what anyone else will say about anything at all but you'll mostly be doing something that's straightforwardly a good idea, in a reasonable way. 's not weird they'd listen."

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"...well. Thanks, I guess. I'll try to keep being vaguely sane."

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"Been sort of figuring I shouldn't try to help either of them because I'm a stranger. And a man. I know Earth's not Osirion but - it does actually feel like it ought to matter even if people have fewer rules about it."

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"I'm not sure whether it does or not. Maybe I can try getting a better sense of how their home cultures are different from Elizabeth's."

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Nod. "Let me know. It's not that I don't want to help."

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"Yeah, I know. You're doing good, I think. Like - probably most people here feel better that you're here than they would if you weren't."

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"Gosh. I'm not sure even Queen Elizabeth has that much of a vote of confidence."

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"Pff. Well. I'm glad you're here."

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And it is at this point that the Karen from Hell starts screaming.

She appears to be in the process of telekinetically ripping her own femur out. 

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What - no - 

stop stop stop stop stop that'll kill you - 

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She's not capable of processing words even when she's not in the middle of ripping her own femur out. She does note that the telepathy is new. She's not really able to make plans about it because almost all of her is focused on the agony inherent in harvesting pieces of herself.

She rips the bone out and sets it down on the grass beside her. She's still screaming. There's so much blood. She thinks she's probably going to pass out very soon, and then it won't hurt as much when she wakes up, which will be better.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cure Light Wounds."

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"That's not a light wound," he snaps. He is ripping a long strip off his shirt.

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"I don't have a better one. People usually don't die after they got magical healing, though, even if it didn't fully patch them up, long as they're not injured again. - don't tourniquet it, not when she's stable -"

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He examines her closely. Sits back, doesn't move.

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She's lying here whimpering and waiting to pass out. She's confused about why this isn't happening.

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"Can you do anything for the pain -"

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"No. - my father might have Sleep?"

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He shakes his head.

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"The pain's not your biggest problem anyway. If she worsens it she's gonna die and she's telekinetic so we can't hold her still."

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"I realize this. Shut up -"

He tries sending concepts, not words. It is very important she lie still. If she does not do this, she will ...she will leave this place and go back to the place where she was before and they might not be able to get her back.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh no.

She'll lie very still, then.

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It is also important she not rip anyone else apart or they will go away from here and maybe not come back either. If she really wants to rip things he can get her things to rip that are not people and cannot die.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's good to know. She just really wanted her femur. She's going to make it into a knife later. Does this mean she can't have any more bones to do things with without leaving this place, this is sort of a drawback of this place over the other one.

Permalink Mark Unread

No but she can make knives out of stone and metal and bones that no one is using. He can show her how. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe that's okay. She doesn't know what those things are really but maybe they'll work out like she likes.

She's still not passing out. Her leg hurts. A lot.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's sorry. They'll - try to figure something out. It's so important she keep being still, though. So important.

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"Do you know why she did it?"

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"Wanted the bone. For a knife. Thought it'd just grow back eventually. I guess injuries in Hell aren't permanent?"

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She's trying very hard to be still. Are the people going to go away? She doesn't want people to go away.

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No, no, as long as she doesn't move they will stay here.

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Oh good.

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She walks over. Stays pretty far back. "Is she - she's not going to do this to anyone else - ?"

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" - not sure. She wanted her bone to use as a knife. She did go for hers, not someone else's, but - 

- I don't think she's going to do this to anyone else right now and I tried to explain that she shouldn't at all but I don't know what her memory is like."

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" - okay. Nobody has any way of contacting Elizabeth from in here, right - "

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"I don't."

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"I don't think anyone does."

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"Great."

- and she doubles over in pain.

"Ow! Fuck!"

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"That'll  - probably do it -"

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"Don't lie."

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"They're very dense. Keep doing it. I don't know why. Cecelia's never had trouble. - course, she's very smart."

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Is Korva okay.

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Well she's really upset and kind of still in pain but doesn't seem to be injured, or having her skin falling off, or anything, so that's good.

"I'm sorry. It was a - stress response, or whatever, okay, I didn't even know sarcasm counted - "

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People are yelling and making pain sounds. Did they hurt themselves too?

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Sort of but it's not anything she needs to worry about right now.

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Okay. She will just lie very still. She thinks she's pretty good at this.

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Yeah she's doing great.

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She hands her baby off to Valentine and tells her to stay far away from the commotion. She heads over and kneels beside Korva and pats her.

"It takes time to learn to talk safely. I know it's scary."

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"It's stupid."

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"You had better do it anyway."

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Elizabeth pops back with Connor. She looks very tired. There's a leaf in her hair.

"What happened?"

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"Oh, thank god. She hurt herself."

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She walks over to Hell Karen and - 

"Did she - rip her own bone out?"

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"Yes. She wanted it to make a knife. She's not - inured to the pain, really, she just figured she'd pass out and wake up once it'd started healing. She would've died. Hagan had healing."

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" - okay. Uh. I can't fix something this bad selectively, I'd need to use a heal, and that could have mental effects. If I don't do it I think she just - doesn't have that bone anymore, at least until I get more magic."

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"I think you should do it but possibly far away from everyone."

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"Okay. Everybody else go - over there."

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She gets up and walks away. She tugs Cecelia with her.

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He leaves with them.

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And when everyone's far enough away, she makes a hand motion and says, "May all in range of this spell be healed of all ills to mind and body."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

She has a femur again. All of the damage from the injury is healed instantly. The pain is gone. The dehydration and starvation and the rawness in her throat are all fixed, too.

She remembers.

She remembers a hundred or a thousand lifetimes of the desert, with nothing but herself and the sun and the sky and the sand and the heat, disassembling herself over and over again to make great structures of bone and sand and hair-ropes and sinew. She remembers cutting her own skin off to make jackets and pants and boots to protect herself from the endless burning. She remembers great epics written in the sand, mostly false but some of them true, embarrassing amounts of them written about how her friends would rescue her, even after she forgot which of the versions of her friends were the real ones, even after she forgot who she was. She remembers coming back to them, after a thousand years of centering meditation that taught her how to move things, how to fly. She remembers not being able to make any sense of them, not even the massive letters that spelled her name.

She remembers before all of this, before she built her empire of bones and blood, those first few panicked daysweeksyears of screaming and burning and desperately hoping that her friends would find her very soon. She remembers screaming until her throat was raw and dry. Remembers that she wasn't able to speak in more than tiny rasping sounds, not ever again.

She remembers Arda. She remembers Sunnydale. A tiny, tiny, tiny slice of her existence, but the place that all of the stories spring from. She doesn't know how many years it's been. Alex might be a hundred thousand years old now. He knew her for two. She was such a silly little girl, to think for so many years that he would come, that he would even remember her a thousand years later, but here he is anyway.

 

 

Alex?

Permalink Mark Unread

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. We tried - wouldn't ever have stopped trying -

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She sits up and hugs him tighter than would be advisable if he were human. 

Please don't go?

Permalink Mark Unread

Never. - uh I don't know how much of what you got you understood but if you take big pieces out of me then I'll die. But otherwise never.

Permalink Mark Unread

I'll not do that, then. I'm sorry, I didn't understand what - kinda still don't -

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. I - I think maybe I know. I think that you went to a dimension where people couldn't die or permanently change themselves. And got used to it. But that's not how this one works. - I guess I don't know for sure, maybe it still works that way for you, but it doesn't work that way for other people and it might not work that way for you either. 

Permalink Mark Unread

 

I don't like taking myself apart. Just didn't - have anything that wasn't me -

Permalink Mark Unread

It's okay. In other places there's - lots of other stuff. So you won't need to take yourself apart.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug?

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Yeah, she hasn't stopped hugging him and doesn't actually have any plans to change that.

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"So. Is she, uh, gonna want to go back to wearing clothes, at some point?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can you make some?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Probably."

Folded-up T-shirt, folded-up sweatpants, underwear, sports bra? Probably comfort is the most important thing here, next to, like, minimal decency.

Permalink Mark Unread

Do you want to put these clothes that she made on?

Permalink Mark Unread

I... can? Who is she. 

Permalink Mark Unread

The person who rescued you. You do not have to if you do not want to. You should do whatever you feel like doing. But the clothes are here and they're nice and soft and if they're the wrong texture we could get them in a different texture.

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She reaches out and pets the clothes very carefully. After a minute or so of this she starts putting them on.

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"...and her name is also Karen," he says to Cecelia. "At least this one doesn't talk."

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Alex twists around so he's still hugging Karen, or at least shielding her with his body, but also he is holding a gun steadily in both hands. 

"I don't know what your deal is," he says, "but I don't like it, and if you bother her any more than a loud noise would bother her then you will die."

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"That's a gun," says Valentine, because she is not entirely sure that everyone here, particularly the fairy, knows what a gun is. She's still holding the baby. "You shoot it at people and they, uh, die."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seems like a shitty way to repay Elizabeth for getting her out of Hell when you couldn't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's - worse - if bad stuff keeps happening."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I bet. Just, watching you kill people, that's a bad thing, women find war traumatic."

Permalink Mark Unread

He spares him an annoyed glance. He doesn't lower the gun.

Permalink Mark Unread

He is watching Alex warily.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't know how traumatic it'll be for her but, like, I do actually object to you killing people. Especially the fairies. I don't know what happens to fairies when they die."

She's trying pretty hard to say this calmly and is only mostly succeeding.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know if Karen can follow all his stupid rules. Especially when we're talking in my head. I don't know if that counts. I don't want her to get tortured half the time she thinks things for reasons that she cannot understand. I am not going to shoot him if he doesn't do anything but I do not actually see any other way to avoid this."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"...okay."

 

Connor, I'm going to send you back to the fairy circle. I want you to run home and get my spellbook, okay?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah.

Permalink Mark Unread

She sends Connor home.

Connor's going to get my spellbook. I'm going to check if I have another spell, and then I'm going to focus on learning to unstick people until I can do it. I might be able to do this in as little as twenty-four hours. It will probably take a few days. 

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods tensely. 

 

He lowers the gun.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's just going to keep sitting by Alex and the other Karen and wait until Connor's been gone a reasonable amount of time.

Permalink Mark Unread

She finishes putting her clothes on. 

She would kind of really like more hugs but it seems like maybe everyone is busy right now?

Permalink Mark Unread

No no hugs are good. They shouldn't talk though. Just hugs.

Permalink Mark Unread

She can do no talking. She's used to it. Hugs are nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Should we - do anything - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"- I think we should go to the house where they'll have a hard time bothering us. Probably."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

She takes her baby back and follows him.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Did they just get really small and go into that... stick house thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fairies can do that. And people who've eaten fairy food. - alienating them is going to be bad for Cecelia," he adds to Alex.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yep. I regret the effects that it has on her." 

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I really really hate being the person to say this," he says to Elizabeth, "but I think you should have a law against murder in your dimension and send people home if they commit any. Possibly also a law against threatening murder but a law against murder might actually be sufficient, I don't think he'll make threats he doesn't mean."

Permalink Mark Unread

...she sighs heavily.

 

"Yeah. Okay. Until further notice, anybody who murders anybody has to go home."

Permalink Mark Unread

He holds his Karen and hugs her.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Also, if anybody is considering murdering me to get around the no-murder rule, I would like to point out at this time that it seems likely that the dimension doesn't persist if I stop existing, which might mean that all of you die and might mean that all of you get sent home, I'm not sure."

 

Hey fairy?

Permalink Mark Unread

What.

Permalink Mark Unread

You're not in trouble with me. I know you didn't ask to be entangled with a bunch of humans, and I know it's not your fault that people keep lying, and I know there's nothing you can do to keep the fairy rules from objecting to it. I'm sorry.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

You can unentangle us?

Permalink Mark Unread

It's going to take a few days. After that I think so, yes. I'm sure I can do it given enough time.

Permalink Mark Unread

Then it'll be okay.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah.

 

 

She brings Connor back.

Permalink Mark Unread

He has her spellbook.

Permalink Mark Unread

She heads over to Connor and flips through it. She probably hasn't done enough magic to get a new spell, but she did, like, summon the pharaoh and make a ton of small objects, she figures she should at least check.

Permalink Mark Unread

Not yet.

Permalink Mark Unread

Figures.

It's honestly really annoying to have to abandon all of that stuff and go for disentangling instead, but it's the right thing to do, probably.

 

So I think the simplest way to unentangle people who are entangled because of names is to figure out how to erase people's memories. I could.... try to erase your memories of something stupid, I guess, over and over. Possibly there are better ideas in this genre but I'm really tired and not thinking of them.

Permalink Mark Unread

Using Un-say a lot maybe? Since it is a spell that erases peoples' memories. - you could tell me names and then un-say them over and over, to be as pointed as possible.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh, yeah, I could do that. That's a good idea. 

Do you - think we should work on it until we get it or is it, like - I don't know whether it's okay to leave them like this as long as we'd need to sleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

I think you should sleep when you're tired. - but maybe here, so they can wake us if they need us.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah.

 

"I'm going to go to sleep. When I'm done I am going to try really hard to fix this until it's fixed, but - I'm really tired. If there are any more emergencies then - I'll be in that tent."

She heads for the tent.

Permalink Mark Unread

He follows her.

Permalink Mark Unread

She closes them in and hugs him and turns telepathy on.

She's scared that someone's going to do something terrible and a bunch of people are going to end up hurt and it will be all her fault.

Permalink Mark Unread

He's scared too but it won't be her fault it'd be theirs. And she can fix it, whatever it is, eventually. And it's mean and stupid of them to keep being mean and stupid when they should be grateful. 

Permalink Mark Unread

They're probably all scared, too. 

Probably she can fix it all eventually.

She kind of idly wonders if people think it's suspicious or whatever that they're sharing this tent.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well the fairies at least already knew he belonged to her because they can see it. Also everyone else might've guessed since he was trying to convince them to belong to theirs too. Doesn't seem weird really.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, yeah, but they might think they're having sex or something. Maybe not literally now, because she thinks she was pretty clear about really really wanting to sleep, but like, in general. Probably she shouldn't care about this but she's kind of automatically keeping track of everybody's probable opinions of them anyway. She could in fact just mindread most of them and find out but probably that's, like, an invasion of privacy.

Permalink Mark Unread

He thinks it's fine to mindread people who are on some level him if she will be reassured by doing this but right now instead she should probably sleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's not really sure he can give meaningful consent for his other selves, given how they get along with each other. But yeah, probably sleep is good.

Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"So, should we, like, be doing something while those two are sleeping? Plausibly sleeping ourselves?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am torn because on the one hand I would like to get my spells back and on the other I - rarely sleep without keeping a watch and this doesn't seem like a good place for an exception. Wish they'd grabbed the rest of our party."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, there are actually enough people to keep watch here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My dramatically enhanced interpersonal skills are telling me not to say 'but they're girls'."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You have your dad. I guess I'm a girl. I'm actually kind of unclear on how this interferes with keeping watch."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It doesn't, really. I think my actual worry is 'I am used to being around people who are more on the same page with me' and it's just a coincidence that -" Shrug. To Asmodia, "are you tired? Do people sleep at all in the Maelstrom, I feel like you could reasonably be either very tired or very awake."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty awake."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wanna wake me if any more dramatics happen? That would be helped by having more people conscious?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I can do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you."

 

He takes the circlet off and tucks it carefully into an inner pouch of his shirt. He picks a tent.

Permalink Mark Unread

This leaves two more tents.

"...Valentine, you wanna take one?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't know if I should sleep right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You'll just keep getting more tired. Better to do it now than have your judgement compromised."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay."

She takes a tent.

Permalink Mark Unread

Korva doesn't move to take the last tent. Maybe Hagan's dad or his double wants it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Probably he should get his spells back too but this language conversation is too interesting, see. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

She stays up and talks to her sister anyway. Carefully. Without any lies.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

She's snuggling Alex.

It's hard to not think words at him, actually. You'd think it would be easy but she hasn't talked to anybody for - too long - and now she has her words back and she's so so lonely and so so sorry that she isn't quite the same person she was and worried that she isn't how people wanted her to be.

Permalink Mark Unread

No no no no she's perfect it's just that there's a danger if they use words. It'll be better later. Possibly now she should sleep if she can.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe she can try sleeping. It's probably easier to sleep here than at home. Not that it was actually very hard to sleep once she had buildings. Only at first. At first she would just walk for days and days and days and not keep time at all, because she could only sleep when she was exhausted enough to stay passed out while the sand was burning her. 

- but that was a long long time ago. She's sorry to keep thinking upsetting things. 

Permalink Mark Unread

It's fine. It's all fine.

Permalink Mark Unread

He doesn't really seem super fine, probably.

Permalink Mark Unread

This is the best anything has ever been since she died. Since well before that, probably. 

Permalink Mark Unread

 - really?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. Because you're here and I can help you.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug.

Yeah. I guess so.

Permalink Mark Unread

I'm so, so sorry.

Permalink Mark Unread

Not your fault.

Permalink Mark Unread

It was my fault. Pretty much all of it. But that's - I don't want you to have to worry about anything while you're recovering.

Permalink Mark Unread

She smiles a tiny bit.

Okay. We can argue about it later.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. Once it has been at least a day since you ripped any of your bones out.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sounds good. 

M'sorry for being worrying.

Permalink Mark Unread

You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.

Permalink Mark Unread

You think so?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yup. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Gosh.

Permalink Mark Unread

You were a hero, Karen.

Permalink Mark Unread

I guess. That was a long time ago.

Permalink Mark Unread

You can be whatever you want to be, now.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

I dunno what I wanna be.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. That makes sense. You don't need to know right now. 

Permalink Mark Unread

What're you gonna be? When I'm better.

Permalink Mark Unread

Whatever you need.

Permalink Mark Unread

For how long?

Permalink Mark Unread

Let's say, like, 5,000 years, and then we can revisit if it seems like a good idea.

Permalink Mark Unread

I guess that sounds okay.

Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

Do I still get cookies?

Permalink Mark Unread

So many cookies. An entire pocket dimension of cookies, if there is such a thing.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Do you want me to stop reading your mind? Or try to teach you how to keep things out of your head, if you want them to be private.

Permalink Mark Unread

I don't really mind it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. 

Permalink Mark Unread

I don't really want to - make you think I'm more like I should be than I am.

Permalink Mark Unread

There's no way you should be. You should be - anything that makes you happy and look forward to the rest of your life.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay.

Permalink Mark Unread

And if you are never happy again that's okay too.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay.

I like apples.

Permalink Mark Unread

Maybe we can try pizza, too. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. That sounds good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Would you like me to go get some?

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds like it would interfere with hugs.

Permalink Mark Unread

It would. I could ask one of the other yous to bring some?

Permalink Mark Unread

Nah.

 

She telekinetically grabs a random box of pizza and sets it down on the grass beside them.

Permalink Mark Unread

That works too.

 

Does she like pizza?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. Pizza's good. It's not as impressive as apples, when it's cold, but it's different and it has a taste and this is pretty impressive of it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. They can snuggle and eat pizza.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds okay.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

You're still crying.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Why?

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, I am sad about how you got tortured for, like, tens of thousands of years.

Permalink Mark Unread

It wasn't that bad.

- aaaaaaaah.

She curls in on herself and whimpers.

Permalink Mark Unread

Lightning darts out of the sky and strikes the little house where the fairy is sleeping with Cecelia and the baby. He awakens screaming in pain.

Permalink Mark Unread

- she's in pain but not so much of it she can't think. She grabs the baby and evacuates the house.

Permalink Mark Unread

She wakes up in pain. She thinks she might be even more tired than she was before she went to sleep. She runs out of the tent to see what's happened.

Permalink Mark Unread

There are worms squirming under his skin and it feels like something seared a hole in his forehead.

Oh. Probably one of these idiots lied again.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

This is probably going to kill them all but it's fascinating, he thinks, watching his skin bubble.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Everyone - needs to - stop talking - you are not careful enough -"

Permalink Mark Unread

She throws up.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sheeee's gonna go get Hagan, this seems like dramatics. She seems to be, like, the only person who is not having something horrible happen to them.

Permalink Mark Unread

Ugh. The tree's on fire.

She does her hand sign. "May all in range of this spell be healed of all ills to mind and body." And now at least everything that a mass heal can take care of is taken care of.

She hoses down the tree with lots and lots of book-sized amounts of water. It destroys the cute little stick house.

 

LISTEN UP. No one is allowed to talk until I fix the entanglements. If you're wondering if I mean you, then yes, I do. If you have something VERY IMPORTANT to communicate then you are to RAISE YOUR HAND and I will mind meld with you. 

Matt, I would like to send you home to go buy coffee. Nod if you are okay with doing this.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

Thank you. You can talk if you need to talk to buy coffee.

She sends him home. 

Connor, I'm going to temporarily erase your debt as a precautionary measure. I'm going to put it back later. Please don't panic about it. 

She erases his debt.

She goes to get her spellbook. Checks that however much telepathy she did with Connor didn't give her another spell.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nope.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's honestly fair. 

She grabs Connor and walks a ways away from everybody else, but sticks close enough that she can see anybody raising their hand. She opens her spellbook up on the grass to the page where the next spell is going to appear.

"Imrainai's birth name is Korva." Unsay. "My birth name is Karen." Unsay. "Valentine's birth name is Karen." Unsay. "The me from Hell's birth name is Karen." Unsay.

Permalink Mark Unread

She holds her baby and looks for Rana.

Permalink Mark Unread

Dragged himself out of the wreckage. Healed by the heal spell, so he's not injured or anything. He sees her and walks over and clings. 


"Should've been more insistent -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Shh."

And she clings to him and cries.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

Well he's awake now so he's just going to - sit here in this really depressing mess?

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

Did I do that? She asks Alex.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sssshh. Don't talk. I'm going to try to stop listening to you but I'm not angry, it's just that you absolutely mustn't talk.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnodnodnod.

She's... going to try to sleep.

Permalink Mark Unread

She comes out of her tent. She's crying a little.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well. She can hug Valentine, that's something.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Imrainai's birth name is Korva." Unsay. "My birth name is Karen." Unsay. "My sister's birth name is Azalea." Unsay.

 

When it's been a reasonable number of minutes she summons Matt back to the demiplane.

Permalink Mark Unread

He has a lot of different kinds of coffee.

Permalink Mark Unread

Honestly she hates coffee, but she's pretty sure this is what it was invented for. She takes it and drinks some and then goes back to work, checking her spellbook kind of obsessively to see whether anything new has appeared.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nope.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well then she'll keep doing this until it does.

Or until it seems like everybody might be getting hungry, whichever comes first.

Permalink Mark Unread

They'll get hungry first.

Permalink Mark Unread

She makes everybody salad and trail mix and mini corn dogs on little plates and big soft pretzels with cheese and little milkshakes and little glasses of water and juice.

She makes herself a milkshake and drinks more coffee. It occurs to her now that she could have made coffee herself and she just didn't think of this because she was too tired to remember.

She goes back to telling Connor names and unsaying them.

Permalink Mark Unread

He goes back to sleep. He wakes up. 

 

He prepares his spells and summons three fluffy hamsters because why the hell not. Anyone want to pet these fluffy hamsters?

Permalink Mark Unread

...yeah sure what the hell. Nice hamsters.

Permalink Mark Unread

She digs a little plastic folding chess set out of Elizabeth's pile of small objects from yesterday and plays herself. Sort of idly hopes that anyone else here knows how to play and will invite themselves over.

Permalink Mark Unread

The hamsters vanish after a while and he doesn't super want to burn another spell so he goes back to being bored.

Permalink Mark Unread

He knows how to play chess! He will invite himself over.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good. They can play chess then. She's not actually very good but that is not really the point right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

She snuggles Rana and feeds her baby. She sleeps. When she wakes up she waits a while and then gets a notebook from the table and tries drawing things.

Permalink Mark Unread

And eventually:

Spell: Take names

You can make a person forget a name they know.

To learn this spell, say Uguweller. Kalarmu. Spimple. Unsay it.

Permalink Mark Unread

She says the words. She unsays them.

She makes everyone in the demiplane except for Korva and her sister forget Korva's name.

She makes everyone in the demiplane except Hell Karen and Alex forget that Hell Karen's name is Karen.

She makes everyone in the demiplane except Valentine forget that Valentine's name is Karen.

She makes everyone in the demiplane except herself and Connor and Matt forget that her name is Karen.

She puts Connor's debt back. She hugs him.

 

You guys can talk. Fairies and half-fairies are advised to get to even with people who have trouble not lying.

Permalink Mark Unread

Damnit, he definitely knew Imrainai's real name and liked knowing it and wasn't going to blurt it out. He can - ask Mahdi, probably. This is objectively not a very big deal. 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you," he says to Elizabeth.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're welcome. I'm gonna - go to sleep."

She's just going to tug Connor back to their tent and make some folded up blankets for them and snuggle him until she's not so tired she wants to cry anymore.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds good.

Permalink Mark Unread

She hugs Rana.

"Do you think - was that all of it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. "Well, they can't hurt us anymore. We're going to have to be really careful, for a long time, lying's much worse when there's recently been a lot of it. But - maybe.

I want to go home."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

"That seems like it might be best."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My family's gonna be furious with us. But that'll only get worse."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"We didn't lie."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We didn't. You couldn't possibly have done anything differently. I - I should've reacted more aggressively the first time it happened, really, to make everyone take it more seriously - I'm sorry - it was selfish not to, really -"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

 

"Sorry. Not that it changes anything important, but - sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just - don't fetch us until she's got really good magic that can make Cecelia not die. Or a lot of apology presents for my court, I guess that'd also be fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"And if you had any more advice I guess now would be the time to give it."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"What are you going to do, when you go home?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Try to appease everybody who blames us for the misfortune."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What'll that involve?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Dunno. Depends how much they blame us and how badly they got hit, it's possible it doesn't go across dimensions or gets mitigated or something. - they might want to cut us out of the court. I don't think so, not when they know the cause and it wasn't us and it won't keep happening."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

"I think - if I were Cecelia I would be very worried, right now, about having to go back to where I was before, or somewhere just as bad. And I'd be looking for signs that that wasn't going to happen to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well I'm hardly going to let her go!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! I don't know all of how fairies work. Just - she's been through enough already, right? And you're gonna have to do some work to make her sure she's going to be safe with you.

"Long term I guess you should - probably have a long talk about what you guys think being married is going to mean, if you're doing that, and - talk about which things would really upset each of you if the other did them. And which things would make you feel unsafe. Since it seems like there's probably a bunch more stuff there that you two haven't happened to hit on yet."

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods seriously. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

She glances at Hagan.

Permalink Mark Unread

"What happens to her when she disobeys you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"She ...doesn't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If she did."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I...guess it'd matter - why? And over what? And how carefully -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would you kill her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cripple her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Go after the kids?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"What's your problem -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Used to spend my allowance buying slaves. The kids -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course not."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would you hit her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe? If it were, I don't know, if she did something really disastrous in public and wouldn't listen when I told her to stop -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"If you need to convince other people you're doing what you're supposed to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - maybe? Not under all circumstances where people'd expect me to but if it was a bad enough situation and it was going to interfere with us being safe later and we couldn't just leave."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Would you change your mind about making her have sex with you if you were mad at her or she wasn't doing what she was told."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No!"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Do you think she knew all of that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think she knows I don't want to hurt her and I'm doing my best?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"But if she were confused about what your best is likely to be she might obey you even if it was a bad idea, right, not knowing how you'd react."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You can always tell me there's some problem," he says to Cecelia, "we can always talk about it."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is that it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wait until you're married. Not until you've said you will be, until you are actually married. Even if she's all right with it. It's not fair to women to make them always be the one to say no, you have got to yourself not be willing to touch her until you've married her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We do, like, cuddle, we just don't have sex."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Generally considered to be an unsustainable equilibrium but if you've been sustaining it all right then maybe it's not, for fairies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Unsustainable how?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You'll get aroused and it'll affect your judgment, is the usual prediction."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I feel like not getting to snuggle Cecelia affects my judgment."

Permalink Mark Unread

He looks questioningly at Cecelia.

Permalink Mark Unread

"He's been all right about it. It's - I know what you're saying but he has been all right, really. And - if I couldn't hug him I think I'd never hug anyone older than three."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. 

"That's all the advice I've got."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you. I - think it helps."

Snuggle.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. 

 

And when Elizabeth's up they can ask her to go home.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I guess that's completely valid. Okay. Uh - I think Connor maybe wanted to say some stuff to you. Not that you actually have to listen to it if you'd like to go home immediately, but I know he wanted to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure."

Permalink Mark Unread

So he fumblingly explains the story of how he wanted to grow up and kidnap people and they got kidnapped and it was really terrible and also this which was really important and necessary and barely kidnapping was still kind of terrible? And - he doesn't super have a takeaway here except that it's very terrible to be stolen. Even if everyone means well.

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug. "I - think I see that now, a bit more. But Cecelia's very brave and strong and she is going to be okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

- nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Um. Anything I should send home with you guys? I think you can take about what you can carry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"A lot of presents to appease our court would be great, actually. And food for Cecelia."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. What are good presents."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Food, metal things, jewelry, fabrics - I wonder if animals would work -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh hey, I haven't tested whether I can make animals." Butterfly?

Permalink Mark Unread

Dead butterfly.

Permalink Mark Unread

Awww, fair though.

"Looks like only dead ones. I'll make some jewelry and some candy and some nonperishable foods."

So here's lots of jewelry, rings and necklaces and bracelets and jeweled circlets (yes, she is trying to make more things from the Pathfinder Core Rulebook), and here are some chocolate bars and some chocolate truffles and some yogurt raisins and some peppermints and some butterscotch bars. Here are some folded-up plastic bags to put them in. 

She makes canned vegetables and canned soup and jerky and granola bars and jars of peanut butter for Cecelia. And here are some bags for those.

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“Thank you!”

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"Take care." 

And she sends Cecelia and Rana and the baby back.

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She's back in the forest, where she was crying before, holding her baby and her bags of food.

She heads back to court, not quite holding her breath.

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The court is dead quiet. 

 

Rana is talking quietly with his brother.

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She'll just - stand here, within sight of them, not saying anything, then.

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And eventually he'll turn away from his brother and see her and smile tensely and take her hand and tug her towards their rooms.

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She follows. Sets her food down in their room.

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"We're allowed to talk. Be really, really careful, though.

They're really scared."

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"That makes sense."

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"They want me to not keep you in debt. I can keep you, that's fine, just - the barest bit entangled, not as much as we are now."

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"I - how am I supposed to pay that off."

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"'m not sure."

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She hugs her baby.

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"Have you taught my father all the languages you know?"

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"I think so. We were working on translating poetry."

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Nod. "But you've got lots more stories - and all this food, you won't need the court's for a while -"

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Nodnod.

"I'm - a little scared of telling stories right now, but - I suppose it hasn't actually caused any problems. And I don't - I can't see how much debt I'm in."

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"It's - it's a lot but that's fine all by itself, the problem is it goes up, because the food's so expensive here -"

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Nod.

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"Want to - want to ask you what you're thinking about but I don't want you to say things that might come out wrong -"

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"I'm worried that - I won't be able to pay it quickly enough with just stories, and - they're going to want you to ask for something worse."

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"Wouldn't be fair. You didn't lie."

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"Okay."

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"Doesn't mean they won't. Just, it wouldn't be fair."

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Nod.

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Patpat.

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"What happens if - they don't think stories are enough - "

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"'m not going to force you to do anything. We can decide together and if you'd rather leave the court in the middle of the night we can do that."

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" - okay.

"Can I - have a hug."

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Hughughughughug. 

"Should I - talk about that more or - no -"

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Hug. Cling.

"You - could talk about it more. I - is the toddler still with your father, is he all right - "

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"Yeah. He's okay. They gave him a sticky candy that makes it hard to talk. My parents did that to me, too, at that age, I liked it a lot."

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"Okay. That's okay."

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"We can get all his entanglements which aren't very much down to zero and then it won't matter what he does."

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"He needs a little bit to stay fast, right - "

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"I think so? I'm not really an expert."

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"Okay. But - almost to zero. That's fine."

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"Yeah. I think he'll be okay."

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Nodnod.

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" - I think you'll be okay too. Even if we have to pay it back."

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Nodnod.

"Did they - say what happened to the court?"

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"Some people got sick. One fell off the balcony. Couple of complicated long-term magic projects in progress broke into pieces."

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Nod.

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"Not your fault."

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Hug.

"May I tell you a story?"

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"Yes."

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Then she'll tell him something from the Aeneid. It's a little slower and more halting than usual. She's a little more careful than usual to tell it just as it was told to her, as well as she can remember.

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It helps. A little. Not enough.

 

They should go and get the toddler, and then they should all sleep.

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Yeah. They get Ingolfr and then they can sleep.

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In the morning she eats a little of her food and gives a little to Ingolfr.

It won't last much more than a month, she thinks, no matter how much they stretch it.

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"Don't think it's a good idea for you to go hungry - for the baby, right -"

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"Yeah."

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"We should maybe - figure out something that lets us get food from the court like normal without getting behind."

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Nod.

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"I don't - I feel like everyone successfully impressed upon me that I might hurt you by accident but I don't know what you're expecting -"

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"What are the options for paying off this much debt?"

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"Sex or violence. That's - what's fastest and not stupid."

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Nod.

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"I don't want to hurt you. We can leave, instead."

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" - what do you expect would happen to us if we left - "

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"It'd be tough to find food. ...we could leave the kids, maybe? I think they'd feed them, and then I am pretty sure I could keep you fed even in the dark."

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"Baby still needs milk. It would only be the toddler. And - he can't pay anything back, and - he's very quiet but I can't be confident that he won't at some point tell a lie, he's so small - "

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Nod.

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"Do fairies know how to do violence to humans without killing them?"

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"The things my family's doing with me to cut down my debt to them don't do any lasting damage. Just hurts. I - I would be really surprised if that was dangerous for humans? I don't know for sure. Could be twice as gentle for twice as long and that'd do, I'd think."

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" - what does your family do to you?"

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"Crush my fingers, hit me with a flexible stick, rub irritants in my eyes? - fairies aren't like humans, Cecelia, it doesn't matter to me -"

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She flinches.

" - I don't think, if you crush a human's fingers, that they - heal very reliably. I don't know whether the other things do."

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- nod.

"How do people - get married -"

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"You - traditionally one stands in front of one's community and family and church and pledges to love, honor, and remain faithful to the other as long as both of them live. Obviously this is - probably ill advised, if one is a fairy."

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"I could get all of the things for the rest of the winter and give them to you and then have my brother kill me. And then you wouldn't be entangled and the court would be safe and so would you."

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"No. Why would you even suggest - "

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"Meant to keep you safe and not hurt you. Said I would. I don't see why - it solves the problem -"

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She can't think well enough to reliably vet what she says, so she doesn't say anything. She hugs him instead.

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Hug. Pat pat.

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"You shouldn't die for this. That's not - we don't have to do that."

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"There're stupider things to die for. And your magic friend might fetch me someday anyway, if you wanted."

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"She said she didn't know where fairies went.

 

"They say Homer was blind. If the eye irritants are - worse for humans than for fairies. I don't expect they'd kill me. I did want to see the world, but - I guess I'd still be a poet - "

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"No. I couldn't - no."

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"I don't know that it would happen. I don't know what's going to happen. Just - rather not be unpleasantly surprised - "

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Nod.

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"I don't know that I could even keep us alive without you. If it were all of the children at once it would be even harder."

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"Wasn't a very good plan. But - I wouldn't have guessed you'd rather be blind than have sex so I don't have a very good sense of how you're all - ordered, there -"

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"I think most people I've known would consider it a stupid trade. But - I don't know, if you had sex with me now, that I would ever be able to touch you again without - being afraid, so - "

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Nod. Hug.

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Hug.

"I suppose I don't know how people feel about people they agreed to let blind them, either."

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"I would expect they don't like them much. At least, I wouldn't. - it doesn't have to be me it just seems like it'd be worse if it was someone who didn't love you -"

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Nodnod. Snuggle.

 

"I guess you wouldn't have to do both eyes. If it's just the pain and not the blindness that's important. Losing vision in one is much less bad - "

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"'s not even supposed to make you blind so I can't imagine that'd be the important part."

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Nodnod.

 

"I - want to talk to your father again, I think. In case he has - anything else he wants that isn't horrible."

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"That makes sense."

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Nod.

"I don't know whether it's better or worse if it's you, really. Humans - we almost never torture people we like. Humans generally torture people to make an example of them, or for punishment, or revenge, or to make them afraid so they'll agree to something horrible - "

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"Well, if you want it to be someone else instead, I can tell them to do it themselves."

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Headshake.

"It'll be - in some ways it'll be harder? But - at least if you're doing it I'll - if something happens and I might lose vision in both eyes you'll stop - "

She thinks she might be crying a little.

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"I love you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't - I'm sorry they're like this, if they were just being cruel I'd hate them but they're just so so so scared -"

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"Yeah. That makes sense."

She maybe wants a lot more hugs before she goes to find his father, though.

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So so many hugs. 

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Hugs. She doesn't really feel safe but she does feel cared for.

Eventually she goes off to find his father.

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"There you are," he says contentedly. "I hear you were involved in all that nonsense -" he waves a hand whose fingers look burnt at the tips.

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"Hello. I understand that there was a lot of trouble. And that - I'm supposed to pay off my debts."

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"If you're going to get summoned off to an alternate universe again it'd be good if you didn't leave a mound of corpses behind you! - is everything all right?"

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" - I don't know that I should answer that. I, uh - I was wondering if there was anything else very valuable you might want, before we resort to violence."

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" - to violence? No, no, just send the little one to me ahead of you and keep my son in bed for an hour in the mornings and you'll be fine. - I should like to hear the story of the alternate universe people, I guess, if you're looking to pay for things."

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"I could tell you the story. I - don't think the other thing is a very good idea, and I'm worried that the usual fairy methods of using violence to manage debt might - lead to permanent loss of functions or senses, for humans. So - if you do think of anything else you'd like that's more like stories, I'd appreciate the chance to pay off as much as possible that way."

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" - well it doesn't have to be him, if you wanted a girl or something? Do tell me the story."

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She can tell him almost everything she remembers, then, being very careful to be accurate. She will maybe elide some of the specific personal conversations, but there should be plenty of interest anyway.

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He seems fascinated. "Will any of them come to visit, do you suppose? The other me who knows more languages? Can you write down what the note looked like?"

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"I'm afraid I don't remember the specific letters. If I understand correctly, I think it's possible they'll visit someday, but I don't think they currently have the means to do so."

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"Ah well." He sighs. "Once you're not quite so tangled do come back here and we can keep working on the poetry."

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"I expect I will. You're sure there's nothing else useful for disentangling?"

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"I can see if I think of more questions for you."

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"That would be helpful."

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"Shoo, then, I'll write them down if I come up with any." He looks at her a little more carefully than he has so far. "It's going to be all right. No one's mad at you, and once the debt's gone it can never happen to you again."

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She doesn't nod.

"I just - I do understand why it's necessary. I'm - scared of going blind, or losing a hand. But I understand that there are many worse things that could happen to all of you if the situation isn't fixed."

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"Has he kicked you out of his bed? I'll have a talk with him, that's not right, not when you need to repay him in a hurry. And you're very good to him."

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"No. It's -  I don't know if fairies have any of the relevant concepts at all." She sighs. "Humans don't - it's very bad, for us, to be forced to sleep with someone not our husband. And - I'm not certain which is worse, of course, having not been blinded, but I'd rather risk blindness than risk - it would be very, very bad, I think, if after this I couldn't touch him without feeling sick. But I don't - I don't really expect it to make sense to you."

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"It does not really make sense to me."

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"Maybe humans and fairies are very different, this way. But - anyway. Let me know if there's anything else. And thank you again."

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"Of course. I hope you find something suitable."

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"Yes."

 

She goes home and finds Rana and hugs him.

"I told him about the other plane. And he said he'd think of questions to ask me. I don't imagine it'll be enough."

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"Probably not."

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"He was very confused about why I couldn't just sleep with you."

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"If you were a fairy then we'd just have a nice time paying it back that way and it'd be easier. But - I never liked a single fairy I met, anyway."

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Hug. " - hadn't realized, they don't - they don't even think they're asking for something difficult, do they - "

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" - they know they're asking me to give up something that was really important to me? I don't think they have any idea it'll bother you much."

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Nodnod.

"Love you."

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"Love you."

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And suddenly she's back in Elizabeth's demiplane. 

Well.

This is - she doesn't know exactly what to think of this.

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- well, Cecelia is crying again. That didn't take long.

"What happened?"

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" - I don't know whether I should discuss it."

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" - okay. Do you want us to get Rana back? We just - I realized I could send more things home with you if we did more than one trip - "

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" - I suppose you should probably discuss that with him, then."

She'll just sit here hugging herself until he appears, she thinks.

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Rána appears. He looks - startled. He looks for Cecelia.

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She's here. Sitting.

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"Hi! Cecelia seemed like she didn't wanna talk to us. Uh - I can send you guys back and not retrieve you, if you want, it just - occurred to me that you could carry more food and stuff home if you did more than one trip - "

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"We want that."

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"Okay! Anything specific?"

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"More of what you did last time is fine. How long has it been here since you sent us back -"

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"Couple hours, maybe? I'm sorry I didn't think of it earlier, I think I'm still kind of sleep deprived."

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"It's fine. Could you do some trips in quick succession?"

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"Trips take about ten minutes on my end, but yeah, I can do as many as you want in a row."

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"I think ten. The same stuff as last time is fine."

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"Cool. How - bad was it, at your court - "

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"- they don't want me to have Cecelia in my debt anymore."

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" - okay, well, that sucks, but we should be able to accomplish that pretty easily with infinite jewelry, right? I just hand it to her and she can give however much to you?"

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"Yeah. Should be fine."

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"Okay. At least I get to do a little bit of fixing this mess. Do you want to do that first?"

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"Sure."

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Then here is lots of jewelry for Cecelia to give to Rana.

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And she can give him however much he needs.

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And eventually he and Elizabeth but not her will be able to see that she does not belong to him and is only the slightest bit in his debt.

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That's good, probably.

Hug?

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Hug.

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"I don't know that things need to be very different. I'm still - I'm not going to leave - "

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"I know. It's just - it feels a particular way, having debt, right, and other people can see it, and - it'll be fine."

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Nodnod.

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"Do you guys, like, wanna take a break or something first, you seem - stressed, and stuff - "

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"We can't afford for people to make a mistake. We really can't afford for people to make a mistake, we might as well not go back at that point."

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Nod.

"You're not entangled with anybody here, right? Like - it's up to you, but - "

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"If she expects to - be able to contact people in other worlds, very soon, it might be better to wait until she can. So we don't - have to worry about how to pay for things quickly, if something else happens to cause a lot of debt."

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- nod. 

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"We don't have to. If you think it'd be better to go right away."

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"If we're not close enough to hear anything anyone is doing I suppose it'd be all right."

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Nodnod.

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"Nowhere to stay, though."

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"I could make you more sticks. If you wanted. I don't think it'll be very long until I get better inter-plane contact, if I keep summoning and un-summoning people."

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"Far off away from everybody."

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"Yeah. It can be way way over there."

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"Fine."

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Pile of sticks with some food by it, way over there. 

She can work on attempting to make lots of magic Pathfinder objects that aren't actually magic but are pretty and useful for debt movement.

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And he can build a house. Again.

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And she can head over to the house and not talk to anyone.

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Sad flop.

I think whatever happened in their dimension was pretty bad, she tells Connor.

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Yeah I get that sense. 

Kind of figured. Their court came pretty close to all dying and they didn't have any warning.

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Yeah.

We should have - managed this better. Found a way to keep people from lying sooner.

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Yeah. 

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I wish I had magic to make the fairy rules stop being so - unforgiving. But I can't think of any safe ways to indicate that.

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Yeah. Dunno. You got the debt-manipulation power just by talking with me about non-magic ways to keep the debt.

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That's true. I dunno what non-magic ways there are to manage fortune, besides just - keeping everybody unentangled with the people who have trouble not lying. And giving them stuff to give the fairies immediately if they mess up.

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And zeroing out peoples' debts to you a lot, yeah.

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Yeah. That should be pretty doable.

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Hug. We'll be able to help them all soon.

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Yeah.

 

She heads over to everyone else. 

"Nobody talk to Cecelia and the fairy unless they decide to talk to you. We think their court had a pretty bad time."

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"Got it. Are we allowed to write her letters. Not that I can write, just, in theory."

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"I don't think that lying to Cecelia without Rana hearing it does his court any harm, but I'd still want to run it by him first."

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Nod.

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"Can you ask him, Connor? I think you're - plausibly less worrying on the causing misfortune front than I am."

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"Yeah."


So he goes and asks him. "They want to write letters to Cecelia. That's safe, right?"

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"Safe, but do any of them speak her language?"

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"I don't think so."

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"There you go, then."

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"She could talk to them in person. They're not - they just wanna help you take care of her. And when she's more okay she'll notice more about what she needs, right -"

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"Not right now. Maybe later."

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Nod.

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She'll stay over here, then.

 

"Is there anything I can do to help with the house?"

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"Yeah, you should be learning how to build them anyway - for once it's day and we can leave -"

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Nodnodnod.

She can help build the house, then.

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And he can relay this verdict.

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"Does no one speak their language? Valentine and Elizabeth are from the same world, right -"

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"I didn't recognize it when translation was off. Has anyone asked her what year she's from? I know my world and Elizabeth's worlds are different years - "

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"I could ask. Not right now, though, I think he kinda wants them to be left alone right now."

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Nodnod.

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"Well. I think I'm going to make a lot of objects until I get a more powerful object-making spell. Anybody want any small objects?"

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"I want little bronze toy soldiers like they sell in Sothis."

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Little bronze toy soldiers! 

" - trying to think 'like the ones in Sothis', but I haven't seen the ones in Sothis so I am not actually sure if these ones bear much resemblance."

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"They look about right."

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"All right. Anything else?"

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"We could all use clothes. We've been wearing these for a while."

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" - right, yeah."

Clothes. Fancy embroidered dresses and casual dresses and black vaguely goth dresses and various kinds of pants and various kind of shirts and some neutral-looking tunics and some Star Trek uniforms because why not, and a pile of underwear and a pile of variously sized bras and a pile of fun patterned socks, and now she will take requests if anyone wants anything more specific.

(She checks her spellbook, just in case this large assortment of clothes is enough to get her anywhere.)

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(Not yet).

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Can she do mithril chain mail. It's not technically magical.

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She can try! Does it work?

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It does! He's very pleased about it. 

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Oh good.

She could probably put together a little library of books? It'll look nicer when she can make bookshelves, but there's nothing to stop her from making the books. And hmm, lots of canned foods and cereals over here, so people don't have to ask her for food whenever they're hungry, and lots of bottled water, and then maybe she'll go back to trying to make magic items from the Pathfinder core rulebook.

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He goes into his tent to change and comes out in weird Earth clothes and his chain mail.

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She's going to convince Korva and Valentine to pick through the clothes and find fun things. It'll be great. They'll look like aliens or forest spirits or something.

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...she can be convinced to wear a pretty embroidered dress, fine. As long as it's clean, and comfortable, and covering. But it happens that these are all of those things.

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He comes out and sees her and absolutely does not say anything and then has to come up with something else to say since he would, normally, say something. "Should someone bring some of this to Cecelia?"

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"Maybe. Probably someone else, though, we don't want the fairy to think we're going to make things any worse for them."

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"I have to give them more stuff anyway."

She transports some clothes and jewelry over to Cecelia and Rana's house.

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That seems fine. It'll help with paying his court back.

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Cool.

Do you and your - person - want anything? she asks Alex.

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More variety of food, maybe?

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I can do that. 

Cereal. Cinnamon rolls. Jerky. Granola bars. Apple juice. Clementines. Pears. 

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Eee.

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Thank you.

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Mhmm. Let me know if there's anything else, it's really easy to make stuff. And I'm kind of looking for excuses to do it.

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Can you make, like, books you haven't read? The library of Alexandria? - the library of Gondolin?

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I think the library of Alexandria is bigger than a laptop, so not yet. I could try books I haven't read. Give me a title?

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Uh... VanDerkwyn's Bestiary.

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She can try. Does she get anything?

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Yep!

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Huh.

She can give the book to Alex, then.

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Thank you. Guess you could do the library if I had a list of all the books in it, then, but I don't.

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Yeah. Maybe if I keep practicing I'll be able to make bigger things.

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Nod. Good skill.

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She works on making more things. She has a really impressive pile of nonmagical items that were trying to be magic items. She keeps her spellbook with her and checks it occasionally.

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And eventually it works. 

Spell: Conjurer

You can make more stuff.

To learn this spell, say Qveltee. Umblewhitzer. Flass.

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She says the words.

Can she make.... a bookshelf. For all of these books.

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Yep!

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Woo! She can shelve her books. Later. In a second.

Can she make a working ring of telekinesis. 

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Yes.

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- woah.

 

"Guys," she says, heading over to the area with the tree and the table and the tents. "I can make magic items."

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"What, any magic items?"

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"I dunno, I haven't tested everything. I can do rings of telekinesis. I don't really want to skip right to, like, a ring of three wishes, because then we just have a ring of three wishes lying around, but like - "

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" - can you do mental enhancement, like the crown I'm wearing -"

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"I dunno." 

She tries making a plus six Headband of Mental Superiority.

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Well that is a headband.

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She... puts it on?

"I don't actually know how to tell if this thing is making me any smarter. I guess someone could detect magic on it."

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"Didn't prepare it. You could make me a wand of magic detection? - the headband has noticeable effects, though. At least for me."

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....does she feel smarter at all.

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Maybe some, yeah. 

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She's gonna make a wand of magic detection anyway. Here is a wand.

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"Transmutation. Well, damn. - uh, that's what I'd have expected it to be, that's what mine is and what the spells are -"

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"Neat. Anybody want one?"

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"I... guess?"

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She'll just make headbands of mental superiority for everyone, then, why not.

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"I think she's gonna do it," he says to people at large but mostly Korva. "I think at some point this ridiculous spellbook will just give her god-killing."

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"It does seem less absurd than it did a few days ago."

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"Ring of protection +5, ring of regeneration."

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She tries making those and then hands them to him. She makes two more for herself.

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"Wand of Cure Light Wounds. Goggles of Truesight. Boots of Teleportation. Mantle of Spell Resistance."

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Seems legit? Here are all of those things.

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"Belt of physical perfection. Gauntlets of the weaponmaster."

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Sure. She gives him a set and makes one for herself and puts them on.

She can't decide if she looks completely ridiculous or really really awesome.

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Ridiculous. Definitely ridiculous. That's fine, though.

"Weapons for the gauntlet or should that wait until we are not all so on edge."

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"I should prooobably not summon a bunch of weapons until we've gone longer without anything horrible happening."

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"All right."

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....she focuses on an area a long ways away from them and checks if she can in fact summon the entire Library of Alexandria to that spot.

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Nope.

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That's fair. 

...stack of copies of all of the books that were ever in the Library of Alexandria?

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Sure!

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"...huh. Uh, Connor's dad, I think those might be... all of the books that were ever in the Library of Alexandria. If you wanted to check those out. I tried to get the whole library but it didn't work."

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" - will you get rid of the debt again -"

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"They would all have been written by dead people, so I think you don't have to worry about debt to other people? At least not unless I try to resurrect everyone, I guess. I will erase the debt if reading those books puts you in my debt, and I will let you know before I resurrect anybody who might have been alive before the destruction of the Library of Alexandria?"

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" - sure." He darts for the books.

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Oh good.

"Hmmm. I should think of other stuff to test. I guess - I don't know if I can do items with arbitrary magical effects, or if I'm limited to ones that actually exist on Golarion."

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"Amulet of Fly? No one's figured out how to do it as a amulet."

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She attempts to create an Amulet of Fly.

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Nope.

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"Looks like no."

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"Awww. Well, this is still great. You could come to my world and fight a dragon with my friends and I, if you wanted."

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"I guess I probably could? I think we wanted to keep your world paused until I was more ready to do stuff there, though."

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"Yeah, that's fair. Just, if you need the practice or something."

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"It is possible that the best way to tell my spellbook that I want combat spells is to do some combat. But - man, I don't feel like I have a good enough plan to do really right by anybody's worlds right now. Not compared to what I probably could do if I thought more about it."

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"Well there's no hurry. - I could fight you. If you wanna."

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" - oooh. I guess if we have healing wands on hand it might be okay?"

She looks at Connor.

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Glare.

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"She's gonna need to learn if she wants to fight Asmodeus."

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Are you thinking it'll be dangerous, or is it something else? I think people can learn to fight without dying. Probably.

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I just don't like people hurting you.

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Probably gotta learn sometime, if we're gonna kill Asmodeus.

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Yeah. I guess.

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Do you have, like, concerns about what we shouldn't start with, or - I really don't expect him to do anything super dangerous while we're figuring things out, but I guess I don't know him that well - 

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I don't really know anything about fighting, I can't do it.

And maybe this makes him jealous and insecure.

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Ohhh.

We could ask him to teach both of us? Most of my combat power comes from magic items, right now, and I can just hand magic items off to anyone, you know? 

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Can't. If I hit anyone I'm in debt to - 

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Oh yeah. I guess that complicates things.

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Fairies don't do two-sided violence. This is mostly kind of neat but it's inconvenient for this particular thing.

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Yeah. 

I'm sorry. I think - I really ought to do this. 

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Yeah, you absolutely should.

 

He's just going to glare at Hagan a lot. 

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Okay. Love you.

 

"So - how does one actually go about learning to fight."

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"Well, uh - I guess you try to hit me."

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"...okay."

She hands Connor the wand of cure light wounds.

"Have you... ever taught anybody how to fight, before?"

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"Yes, actually? But not ...teenage girls."

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"Okay. Well. I have no idea how to do this but I guess that's true of most teenagers. - should I be doing this with or without the ring of protection and the belt of physical perfection, do you figure."

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"I guess we'll probably hurt each other less badly if we can hit less hard and still have the protective magic."

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Nod. She takes off the belt and the other stuff. She keeps the rings. 

And then she... charges and tries to hit him, might as well get this over with.

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He lets her hit him. Then he explains how she could hit him harder. 

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Oh hey, she was definitely expecting this first thing to end with her being flipped onto the grass to demonstrate that she has no idea what she's doing.

She tries again and hits him harder.

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That was harder! He will step back a gratifying amount. She should do it again and change these things though.

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Okay! She can try those things.

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When she does well at them, he will step gratifyingly farther backwards. 

"Okay. Can you make a wood knife with, like ink on the bits that are supposed to be sharp?"

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She does this.

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Then he will show her how to attack somebody with a knife, which is significantly different. 


There is still not actually any throwing her on the ground.

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She can try her best at doing the knife attacks right, then.

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After a while Alex, who has trained teenage girls in hand-to-hand combat before, starts sending over suggestions.

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Aw! That's very helpful, thanks.

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She's watching them and eating her pears.

I wonder if I could help them at all.

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I think you could maybe be helpful but also might hurt them by accident? Do you know how strong you are.

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I guess I haven't fought anybody in thousands of years.

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Yeah. And she's still very fragile, for all her power. You could fight me or Hagan and then it's less of a big deal if you hurt us because she can fix it.

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It's not really important. Just wondering whether there's something I should be doing.

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We should test your current capabilities at some point but not on fragile humans. Maybe load you up with those magic things and run rescues through Hell dimensions or something.

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That does sound important. Are there about as many people in hell as there were before, nothing's changed?

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I don't think anything's changed.

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Then someone should change it.

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Ah huh. Should we ask Elizabeth for some of that fancy magic gear?

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Probably.

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Hey Elizabeth. What does all that gear do, and can we have some.

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She takes a break from hitting Hagan.

Uh, it does a lot of stuff, what do you want?

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I don't really know. We might go rescue people from Hells, so - stuff useful for that.

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That sounds pretty dangerous? Uh - I guess it depends on what you expect the primary obstacles to hell rescues to be.

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Enemies? Carrying capacity? Transportation?

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I can give you magic weapons and armor. I'll have to see what else.

It's actually possible that the best way to rescue people from hell is to resurrect them, though, if that works for people who aren't in the Pathfinder afterlives.

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How do we do that?

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Um, we could test it. You have anybody you especially want resurrected?

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Not personally? I could get you people on our side killed in action but they wouldn't be, like, friends.

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Okay. I guess I may as well test it on my sister.

She makes herself a ring of three wishes with one wish left in it. She takes off her ring of regeneration and puts on the new one. She takes a deep breath.

"I wish to resurrect my sister."

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And here's her sister.

" - huh."

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"...woah."

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"Can you just - can you just resurrect arbitrary people now - "

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"Uh. I guess so?"

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" - wow, Asmodeus is going to have half a second to feel like this was really unfair."

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" - I don't - okay. Um. I feel like I should resurrect a bunch of people but I don't know exactly where I'd - put them."

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" - yeah. This is why most gods appoint clerics at this point, I think."

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"I don't think I'm a god yet."

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"Probably not. But, like, you're well past the point where you have to delegate."

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"I guess. I - don't know how to do this."

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"We noticed." - hug?

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- sure.

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"I feel like at this point you should look for a world that has - some kind of structured group that you can trust. Not ours, if you don't want to unpause it, and not the fairy world, I wouldn't think, and I guess Valentine is worried about powerful evil forces immediately noticing if things happen in her world, too, but - somewhere."

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"I guess."

 

 

Hey, mindreader, your world doesn't have any handy trustworthy infrastructure I could talk to, does it, because that would be super convenient probably.

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Kind of? We work with the American government on vampire slaying and there's a division of secret projects that deals with the supernatural. 

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...so is that a yes or a no on people who can advise me on what to do with the power to resurrect arbitrary people.

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They could relocate them, and identify them for you, if we're talking hundreds or maybe thousands? Not millions. 

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I suspect that if I do it a lot I will get the ability to do it more efficiently. And then we could be talking... a lot.

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Then it might be good to be using a world that doesn't have powerful agents of evil in it whose attention we'll attract.

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Yeah.

I don't even know if there are any worlds like that.

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Me neither.

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She sits down on the grass and makes a stuffed bear for herself and hugs it.

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Pretty understandable.

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"We could build stuff in the demiplane, but I don't know that's it's big enough or safe enough for resurrecting people that nobody here knows to be a good idea. We could - drop them on my earth, I guess, but it'd break whatever masquerade we have. We could work on interplanetary teleport and the stuff we'd need to terraform other planets. We could ask the fairy if his world is a safe place to bring people. But - even if we find somewhere, we still have to either integrate everyone into some existing country, or else, like, govern them, and I don't feel very ready to govern more than a couple dozen people."

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"If we can bring them back harder to kill, and terraform a planet so food grows very easily there, you could make do with very light governance. But - yeah. It's a problem."

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"That's at least three more spells, probably more. And I'm also supposed to be working on combat spells and better ways of contacting other planes. - it won't even take very long to get any of those things in objective terms, I just - don't know what I'm supposed to be focusing on - "

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"Better ways of contacting other planes would help with finding one that can absorb people?"

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"Yeah, I guess."

 

She flies over to Rana's stick house and sits down outside.

May I talk to you? I don't think I'll lie, but if I do I can fix the debt right away and keep us unentangled.

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I don't know how this thought thing works please don't do it. You can talk out loud.

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" - sorry. Uh. We discovered that I can resurrect people and we're wondering if there's any world that can safely absorb the number of people I can probably resurrect. I think to find this out we probably want to pursue inter-plane communication, which means it might be good if someone could be sent back to their world and re-summoned a bunch of times. If you wanted to do that we could give you stuff for it. It might also be good if you could get lists of things other people want, and I could make those items to send back with you, since that's a kind of communication."

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"I guess we can do a little of that. They won't wanna be in your debt, though."

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"I was figuring I could give the stuff to you and the debt could count as yours? I guess I don't know how much of your debt you want to pay off right now."

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"I guess ideally all of it.  Sure. That works."

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"All right. I'll have to send you both back for time to pass, and then I can get you back in a few minutes. I guess the first time I can just send you back with a bunch of - oh, I can also make magic items now, want any magic items? We have headbands that make people smarter."

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" - that sounds like it might be a ton of debt. But we could check."

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She hands him a headband of mental superiority.

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The universe thinks this is not quite worth a life debt but it's up there.

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She erases the debt. "You can keep that one. But I guess for other people maybe we want something that causes slightly less debt than that. Since I'm not sure whether I can erase it across planes."

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"Yeah. Minor magic stuff is good."

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She makes a ring. "This one lets you understand any spoken or written language?"

 

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Also pretty expensive but less so.

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"Sure, I'll take it."

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"Cool." And she erases the debt. "I'm gonna send you home to take requests, then. - as long as she's okay going back, too?"

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"You can send me back. You don't mean to leave us there?"

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"No. Not until you tell me to do that."

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"Even if something goes wrong, this is a lot more stuff, and you're not in my debt, it'll be okay."

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"Yeah. It will."

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So she sends them back with their clothes and food and magic jewelry.

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"I guess I'll - hand these off and show everyone that I don't have you and then maybe they'll stop worrying."

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Nodnod. "Do you want me to stay in the room until you're done? Otherwise I might want to visit your father, see if he wants anything - "

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"Seems fine."

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"Okay. Love you."

She'll head off to see his father, then.

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"Hey! Haven't gotten to making that list yet."

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"Yes, sorry, I imagine it hasn't been very long. The girl summoned us again and helped us pay off the debt. I think she intends to summon your son several times, until she's helped him pay off his debts to the court. If you wanted anything, she seems very eager to give out magic items. At one point she made a ring that lets the wearer understand any language."

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"How?"

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"Magic, apparently. I think she's gained the ability to conjure magic items that have been made in other worlds."

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"No, I mean, how does it give you the ability to understand every language. Does it give you a complete knowledge of all the languages? Does it automatically provide its attempt at a translation when they say things? Is it going off their intent, does it work on constructed languages or on gibberish they intend you to interpret a specific way?"

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"Oh. I'm not sure. She gave it to your son, I imagine he would let you run some tests."

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"Huh. Where is he?"

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"He went off to see what else people wanted. We could look for him?"

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"Yes!"

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"Okay."

Then they can go try to find Rana.

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Handing stuff to people. 

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"I want the languages ring."

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"I actually suspect you will be annoyed by it but you can have it to test out." 

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The ring provides translations. If you take it off and put it on again you can easily compare written works to the ring's translations, though.

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"Huh." He takes it and races off to read a book in this fashion.

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"Hopefully he has fun."

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"I have no doubts." Hug.

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Hug.

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And at a certain point - it takes longer than ten minutes, but not very long - Elizabeth summons Rana back.

"Get any requests?"

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Yeah! There's not actually all that much more headroom before his debt is paid off but he does have a list of requests for her this time.

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She can fill requests!

"Does anyone else want to come? If, like, your dad wanted to come meet people, I could give him stuff without causing debt, although I guess if nobody from your court wanted to interact with the demiplane ever that would also be entirely fair."

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"Maybe once you have more magic and can protect against misfortune travelling across planes or something."

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"Okay! It'll probably be a while but I guess it might not be very long in fairy terms."

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"Probably not. This plane seems to run faster than the slow world."

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"I'm actually not super sure how this world's time works, it might not be constant. I'm gonna send you back to fill the orders and  then bring you both back and check if I've gotten another spell, okay?"

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"Okay."

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She sends him back. She brings them both back to the demiplane. She checks her spellbook.

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Spell: Dimensional transit

You can bring any people to your demiplane, and send them to any location you know.

To learn this spell, focus on a destination you can already travel to. Travel there. Say Gumgurgle. Travel to a different location. Say Sleeksy.

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"Oh cool! That worked. Thanks guys!"

And she's off to learn her spell.

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Well, their esteemed ruler is off doing weird stuff she doesn't understand again.

"So can you teach, like, anyone to fight, or is that only for Elizabeth."

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"Uh. 

 


I guess there's no reason everyone else couldn't learn? We probably shouldn't do anything very dangerous while she of the Mass Heal is out, but." Awkward shrug.

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"I mean if you don't want to it's cool? But there aren't a lot of things to do around here, and being able to hit things sounds pretty awesome."

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"Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. You want to try the same thing Elizabeth was trying?"

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"Sure! Probably I should change out of the fancy dress first." She elbows her sister. "What about you, you wanna learn to fight?"

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" - uh."

Are they still not allowed to lie. They're probably not allowed to lie. The fairy kids'll call her on it anyway.

" - yeah, I guess. If it's not, like, annoying to try to teach two people."

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"Maybe you can, like, learn from practicing things against each other, I think that's a thing. Or Alex could help if his - person - seems stable."

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She's so stable. Look at her calmly eating pears over here. She's not even eating the cores anymore.

Do you want to help them?

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I dunno, are you going to be okay?

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I think so.

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Will you let me know if you think you are actually not okay?

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Mhmm.

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Then he will go spar with Hagan and the people who want to learn!

 

 

It's good to have him because Hagan, it transpires, is not remotely willing to hit a woman even though he is very creative about coming up with training exercises that hide this.

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...this is kind of funny but not funny enough that she wants to mention that she's noticed it. They might stop.

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She flies over to the pile of clothes and pets things. Sometimes she looks up and watches the people who are learning to fight.

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She stands around kind of wishing she were one of the people learning but not actually asking to become one of them.

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Then they can practice until they are all tired. Except Alex, who seems harder to tire.

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She floats over and hugs Alex again. Hugs are good.

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Yeah, hugs sound good.

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He watches them and shakes his head slightly and smiles.

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"So - how do you and her know each other?" she asks, pointing between Alex and his Karen.

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"When Karen was selected as the Slayer she went to her priest for help and he thought she could use a bodyguard so he asked me if I'd do it. So then we fought evil together and then got teleported to a universe like the one I grew up in, fighting the war against an evil god that I first died in, and she ended the war and then shortly after that died."

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"How'd she end the war?"

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"Killed the evil god."

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"Nice. Is she... looking to do that again, or - "

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"I think from here on we should let Elizabeth kill all the evil gods."

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"Okay. Sure. 

"Does she, like, talk?"

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"We can talk with my telepathy if you want to ask her something? I'm not sure she's got talking with her mouth figured back out yet."

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I tried it earlier but it didn't sound right.

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"Just kind of wondering how she's doing, I guess."

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"I don't really know. I - I think she's okay with existing."

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I wanna keep existing. Here, though, not other places.

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Yeah. Here.

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Snuggle.

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"That seems like kind of a low bar for okayness."

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"In the past when I have gotten people back from torture they have not cleared it."

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"Oh, is that why she can't talk?"

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"Yeah."

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"I guess that makes sense."

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"Probably once she's had some more time to recover she'll want to get to know you all. And to get her sister."

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"Is her sister dead, too?"

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"Nah. Alive and with her nephew and very mad at me."

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"Huh. 'Cause this one died?"

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"Uh, yes."

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"I'd be mad at you too. Probably. I'm not actually sure what happened."

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"I'm not mad at anybody about you."

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"Well, no, but I deserved it. And you're younger."

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"I'm not actually sure I am anymore. At least if time spent dead doesn't count."

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"You'll always be younger. You were born that way." Patpatpat.

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"I'm mad about you getting killed!" he says to Asmodia. "Cheliax is horrible and I'm really looking forward to them switching to something less horrible once Asmodeus is down."

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"Huh, I wonder what's gonna happen with that. Probably another civil war?"

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"Maybe Elizabeth will find a way to prevent it. Somehow."

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"I guess she could take over the country."

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"She probably should. So there's not another war."

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"She can barely govern this place."

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"She'd just have to - get a spell for giving out cleric levels. Even if all she did was replace all the existing clerics of Asmodeus that'd be better than leaving people without water and healing and stuff."

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"I guess that would help."

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"It'd still suck. It's - really bad, changing who's in charge, ever. But - I bet you could make it half as bad."

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"Not me. But probably someone, yeah."

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"Half as bad as the Chelish civil war is still pretty bad."

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"I know."

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"Maybe she can do better than fifteen years."

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"She has no idea what she's doing. And she isn't Chelish, has no claim to it at all."

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"She puts it on you. I mean, I don't know if she will, but if this were - more of a political operation that's what I'd expect."

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"I'm pretty sure I'm still pretty close to zero qualified to run a country. Maybe Imrainai's better - "

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"Not by much. I was not literally executed for capital crimes."

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"And it's an awful awful awful job." Sigh. "Maybe not quite as awful in Cheliax? But maybe moreso. 

 

- she could raise Aroden."

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"Maybe. The spellbook might have limits she hasn't hit yet. I'm not sure you even can raise entities that have just - stopped existing - "

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"Yeah. Dunno. - that's easy to test, she could try for someone who got sent to the Abyss and killed off."

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"Yeah, if we knew of any."

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"I guess they'd probably mostly be bad people to have running around."

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"Probably. I guess she was in hell." She gestures at Alex's Karen.

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"Yeah. But I mean, if we just get some sermons from Osirian religious education and raise the people mentioned as cautionary tales I dunno that we'd want them around."

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"Yeah. I imagine not."

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"I wish I could help Elizabeth at all with anything but inconveniently I have spent my entire life desperately trying to be unqualified for power. - not that this was much of a change from how I just am as a person naturally."

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"I honestly sort of imagine that as alternate versions of Elizabeth and Connor we are all wildly unqualified to be in charge of anything. - maybe the fairy who goes with the pharaoh isn't, but I do note that he's still - not much more than a kid, so."

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"The others presumably have one of those too? And are adults? I don't think fairies should be in charge of Cheliax, though, that sounds like a mess."

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"Fairies should definitely not take over Cheliax. - I guess yours is the only other world that'd have one that isn't a fairy, isn't it," she says to Alex.

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"He shouldn't run your country either. 

 

He was tortured for a long time and does not like being alive now."

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"Ah.

"You know, the actual sane thing to do here is to meet someone in Cheliax who has the ability to lead and something resembling a legitimate claim to power, and agree to back that person if they take high-level marching orders from Elizabeth. But I think this might require a lot of skills we are also short on."

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"Pharaoh probably knows. He has pretty good foreign intelligence and 'who would we love to have in charge of this country if we ever got the shot' is the kind of thing we know for most countries."

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"I'm not certain that who your pharaoh wants in charge meshes very precisely with what's good for Cheliax in the hypothetical event of the death of its patron deity."

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"I mean it's almost definitely a follower of Abadar who'd be a cleric if Abadar weren't refraining on that front to avoid getting him killed. I doubt this is the best one could do but it's not that Osirion wants Cheliax weak or something."

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"I would expect Osirion to want Cheliax to be more like Osirion. I don't know that Cheliax wants this, or should want this."

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Shrug.

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"I'm not saying there's nothing good about Osirion, just - I am not very impressed by Abadar's societal preferences, on the whole, and am less impressed when I consider applying them to my countrymen. Our women have jobs. Our girls go to school. Our marriages are freely chosen. Maybe Abadar would be a step up, if he had the power to control the country, but he'd be a very complicated step up, and a step that would result in a huge amount of resentment from many different corners of society."

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"I don't actually think Abadar cares about any of that. But I'm not a theologian."

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"Oh. Here I was thinking Osirion had religious reasons for being the way it is."

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"Osirion was the way it was and Abadar didn't make us change it. Or didn't make us change those parts of it."

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"Okay. I guess I am a little less unimpressed with Abadar and a little more unimpressed with - a bunch of dead Osirians who aren't around anymore.

" - you know who you should pick is someone who follows Iomedae, if Aroden stays off the table. Iomedae's powerful, and honorable, and Chelish, and happens to be a woman."

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"That might work.

 

 

You could follow Iomedae. And get advice on - what to do from there."

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"I guess this is not particularly any more traitorous than assisting people who are plotting to kill Asmodeus. 

"I don't know if I - want to. Personally. I guess she at least - takes human afterlives seriously, that's something."

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Nod.

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Flop.

 

"Who'd you pick, if you were gonna be a cleric of somebody," she asks her sister.

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"Calistria."

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"I don't know why I asked.

"I don't think Iomedae would take me."

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"Feels like kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy there but I don't really know Iomedae."

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"I mean, clerics have to be one step away from their deities, right? I doubt very much that I'm one step away from lawful good."

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"I have no idea what you are. But I think you probably could get there if you wanted to."

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...she looks uncomfortable.

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Queen Elizabeth comes back.

"Hey! I can bring anyone here now. And send them to any location I know. Did you guys have people you wanted who weren't related to versions of me or Connor?"

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"...kind of want my friends. It's not urgent, though."

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"I don't think it has to be urgent? I might even be able to do it quickly now."

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"Okay. Their names are Fazil and Mahdi and I'll feel better if they're here because they have more magic than me."

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"Okay. If you vouch for their willingness to not cause problems then they can be here. - I should maybe make everybody magic armor first, though, if only so they feel a little less worried about stuff."

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"Maybe, yeah."

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She makes a pile of plus five armor sets with invulnerability. They're pretty, of course. This one has stars on it. This one has a tree. This one has dragons. She's gonna put on leather armor with stars.

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"Hey. You. If you were gonna be a cleric, which deity would you pick."

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"Me? Shelyn, obviously. Unless I had some kind of specific compelling reason to pick someone else. Sarenrae as a second choice, I guess."

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"Why Shelyn?"

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"...well, she believes in love. And in art, and stories, and stuff. Those are pretty much the important things in life, right?"

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....she picks out armor.

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Sure, he'll go for fancy magic armor to go with the rest of his fancy magic stuff.

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She flies some armor over to Cecelia and Rana. She also flies some over to fairydad and Hagan's dad, although she does not particularly expect them to stop talking long enough to put it on.

When everybody who's going to put on armor looks ready, she focuses on summoning the Fazil and Mahdi that Hagan knows.

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And they appear, looking quite startled about it. 

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"I can explain -"

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"...what are you wearing?"

 

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"That is one of the things I can explain. Can we- go a bit away from everyone -"

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They do that. There is a long conversation with occasional yelps of surprise or raised voices or laughter.

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Well, hopefully that'll work out okay. 

"...ugh, now I don't know what I should be doing again."

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"Well, what's your list of goals right now."

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She counts off on her fingers. "Defeat Asmodeus. Probably I should wait for Hagan to try again at getting combat magic. Find a safe place to put resurrected people. Find a safe place to put Cecelia and Valentine's kids. Immortality and invulnerability; wearing armor should help with that but it's probably not enough."

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"What else would help with immortality and invulnerability?"

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"Making more armor? Maybe?"

She makes more armor.

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He comes back with his friends. "We were thinking probably the best way for you to get spell resistance is to get spells cast on you and have to throw them off."

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"That makes sense. I don't know how to do it."

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"Well we are happy to help you practice if you want. Mahdi doesn't have the best spells prepared for it today but he has some and he can prepare more useful ones tomorrow."

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"Sure! I just might need some handholding. Did you tell them the fairy rules - "

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"Yep. We're used to weird stuff, I don't expect them to have fairy-related problems. But I've emphasized how important it is."

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"Okay, good. As long as you're unentangled with them I think nothing horrible will happen, but it'd be really bad if anything else happened to Cecelia."

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"I got that sense, yeah."

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"As long as everybody understands that. So, uh, how do I throw off spells - ?"

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"You've got the crown, right, that should help. Usually when someone is practicing this I'd suggest they get Owl's Wisdom cast and then pay attention to what it's changing. One is - surer of your own thoughts, you can trace more of them to their origins, you notice more quickly if one of them is rooted oddly or inconsistent with another one -"

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Nod.

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"That's approximately the skill you use to ignore a spell. Even something like Hold Person, which is probably what we'll practice with and which people think of as causing paralysis - it's affecting your mind, it's affecting how you send instructions to your body to move. You resist it by being very sure of your own will and of your ability to use your thoughts to do the things they're supposed to do."

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"Okay. We can try try that, then?"

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"Yes. Hold Person."

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- she does stop moving, for several seconds. She focuses. Tries to be very determined, very sure that she can move, if she keeps trying.

Eventually she does.

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"There you go! The way Prince Telcar explained your magic, if you try that enough the magic will notice you want to be good at it?"

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"Yeah, that's how it works. - he's prince Telcar?" she says, pointing at Hagan.

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"Yes."

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"Okay. I guess I won't make everybody forget unless one of the fairies learns it."

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Nod. "I don't have another one prepared today but tomorrow I can prepare lots of spells useful for training this."

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"That sounds great! Thank you so much."

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"Of course!"

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"He wants some of the ridiculous shower of magical goodies," Hagan whispers to her loudly.

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"Oh, right. Uh." Here's another set of truesight goggles, a robe of archmagi, and another headband of mental superiority?

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He looks dumbfounded. " - thank you so much."

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"You're welcome! Thank you for helping."

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"I'll be delighted to do more tomorrow."

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In that case she's not really immediately sure what to do. She looks up a her artificial sky and clenches her fists.

"I guess we could try more combat practice? I'm still tired, but there are probably spells that can fix that, if I look them up - "

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"Lesser Restoration."

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She feels remarkably refreshed.

Ugh.

Probably she's being very immature.

"All right. Could practice for another hour now, probably."

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"- actually I think you should go watch a movie with your boyfriend."

His friends look slightly scandalized at him. 

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"Yeah, I agree."

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" - really?"

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"We are not, like, actually in a hurry here and you are a tiny child. No offense."

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"I'm not a tiny child. I'm, like, about to age out of the child category, if I haven't already."

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"Okay. But trying to work from metaphorical sunup to metaphorical sundown is going to hurt you really badly and there is not any need for it."

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" - okay. See you guys, later, then."

And she makes an already set-up yurt for herself and telepathically contacts Connor.

 

Do you wanna, like, hang out, maybe?

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Yeah!

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Okay.

Then she can pull him into her yurt and plop a big soft bed inside it and snuggle him and turn on telepathy.

She feels like probably she should read to him at some point, since they haven't done that for half a week now and they cannot, actually, watch a movie. Also she's kind of terrified that she's going to have a million responsibilities that she's not prepared to deal with, and maybe she will mess it all up horribly, and maybe it's kind of selfish to be thinking about this instead of properly hanging out with him but also maybe possibly she is allowed to be selfish at him sometimes.

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She's supposed to be selfish that's what having a slave is fo - okay he knows she doesn't think about it like that and doesn't want to but, still, like, if you were trying to explain why it's good for people to have slaves 'sometimes they are trying to save the entire world and they are worried that they're not allowed to spend even their thoughts on anything they actually want to think about and they need to be sure that some things are theirs even if they are entirely selfish for a while' seems like what you'd come up with, maybe. He thinks that probably she has enough magic to fix it if she messes something up. They could do a time loop, like in one of those stories. She could read him stories about stuff like this, actually, that seems like a good idea.

He's happy because Hagan has a crush on Korva now so the universe is more as it should be.

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Oh gosh, does he? How does he know?

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Cause he gets all flustered whenever they talk especially if she seems upset or something which she does kind of a lot.

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Awww. She's not sure if this is objectively a good thing but it's cute.

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It's totally a good thing because now all of them have a him except Valentine. Maybe they could make a him for Valentine.

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Making people sounds rather complicated. Maybe they could find a him who doesn't have a her. Maybe a lonely him would be happy about that. She likes to think she's pretty good for him, too.

She is admittedly a little worried that Korva doesn't want a Hagan right now, and probably this will change because they appear to be, like, fated, or whatever, but she isn't especially sure what would change it.

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She's very very very good for him. He's so much happier than when he met her. He thinks...Korva has some issues, right, with the worshipping Asmodeus and stuff, and once that's out of the way and she notices that he likes her then probably it'll work out fine with time.

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Maybe so. This is kind of a petty reason to kill Asmodeus, but she also has lots of non-petty reasons so maybe it's okay to also have petty ones.

She's so glad she has him. And she is kind of glad that he's her slave, honestly. Like, if he were unhappy about it she would fix it or let him go, and stuff, but it's - really really good knowing that she's allowed to snuggle him whenever she wants and that's okay and she's not doing anything wrong by expecting it.

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Yes, right, that's the thing, that's the thing that is good and he's really glad it's good for her too. It'd be dumb and kind of weird if it was good for him and she didn't see any benefits to it.

Asmodeus sounds super terrible and should die for this reason and also because it seems like killing evil gods might come up a lot so she'll need spells for it. But it will help that it will help Korva be happier. Also is she sure Korva doesn't have any crush on Hagan at all she does talk to him more than anyone except her sister. He's been paying attention.

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Awww.

She's not sure, no. She thinks Korva likes Hagan? But the regular kind of liking, maybe, not necessarily the kind where you want to snuggle someone all the time, which appears to be how all of the other Imrainais feel about their Connor-people. She's not really an expert on how Korva feels about stuff, though. It's true that she snaps at Hagan less than she snaps at other people. 

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Their society seems, like, super weird on the topic of snuggling. Like Hagan was telling the other fairy that he shouldn't snuggle anyone until he was married to her which sounds like a tragically snuggle-deprived life on the whole. Hagan hasn't said anything to him but like, probably he disapproves. And it seems like this would affect how Korva felt about snuggles probably if that's how people where she's from think about it. Though she's not from the same place as him exactly.

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Oh, that's all true. Maybe she's just being very guarded, or whatever, that seems like a thing that could happen.

- she's kind of trying not to think about this but does he know that she has looked through a lot of Pathfinder magic item lists and there does not seem to be a single magic item less powerful than a ring of three wishes that lets someone cast waves of ecstasy if they couldn't before. But she can, actually, make unlimited rings of three wishes, although she shouldn't leave them lying around, probably. Also she's not necessarily sure that they should do anything with this information, but, uh, she does, theoretically, have the spell now, and it is kind of hard not to think about having it at all.

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Probably not here. On account of they would probably be loud and that would be weird. His alts who think you shouldn't snuggle when unmarried would judge him. But -

- it seems like it might, like, make her happy, and not drift back around to being about all of this nonsense, and that's really important, actually. And it sounds fun.

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Yeah, it's probably not a good idea to do it here. Although in theory they could go back to the fairy circle and nobody would actually notice them being gone unless something else blew up - which it could, so probably they shouldn't. Also she should really really think about this more and be more certain about what she actually wants. It's just kind of getting harder to figure that out all the time, as the number of potential life options keeps ballooning out of control.

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Yeah that sounds like it might make it harder to know what she wants. But she knows she wants him. - he's not trying to pressure her. Just, like, it seems like it's good that she has him and - he doesn't know how to formulate this thought. He wants her attention and everything to not be weird and stressful and scary and what else could even blow up, there's more healing here now so if the weird Karen does something weird they can handle it -

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She has no idea what could blow up, but that doesn't mean that it couldn't.

It is really good that she has him. Just, like, things used to be simpler, right, she had a more sensible model of what you did if you liked someone, and now everything is happening faster than it's supposed to and she's doing a bunch of things that people don't really ever do at all, and - it's hard to know how to do things right if they're not things that people normally do. But she loves him and she just - wants to be really sure she doesn't mess anything up -

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Well she can't mess him up. Like, she should be very careful not to mess herself up because she's very important, but he's - he's pretty sure that as long as she did something while trying to do something that'd be good it'll be okay. Really. If he imagines that she accidentally rips his arm off or something that'd just be entirely okay. And he likes being hers, and - anyway she just shouldn't worry about hurting him, it's not going to happen. She should maybe worry about hurting her though.

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Eeee. Snuggle.

But yeah, she's kind of unsure about which things are going to hurt her. Which is why she should think more about it, except she doesn't really know if she knows enough to come up with more just from thinking. 

Maybe she should talk to the other Imrainais or something. That sounds kind of awkward but maybe they'll know something.

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It seems like the kind of thing that might.

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Maybe she'll ask them later, then.

Maybe right now she could read him something?

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That sounds nice.

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She can summon a book and start reading, then.

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Snuggle. Sigh.

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"I'm using a magical message to speak to you," a voice says quietly to Cecelia a short time later. "You can answer by whispering. No one else can hear you. This should mean we can't endanger fairies any."

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"Who are you?" she whispers.

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"My name is Fazil. I am a friend of - of Hagan's."

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" - ah."

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"I am curious about your world and about fairies. Is it a good time to ask you questions?"

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"I - would want to ask Rana before extensive conversation, I think."

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"Do you want to do that?"

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"...I can."

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"Will it make him angry?"

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"I don't know."

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"Would you like me to pray for you?"

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"...to who."

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"I think our worlds have different gods. I follow one called Abadar."

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"No thank you, then. But I appreciate the offer."

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"All right. If you end up deciding to ask him you will have to wave at me or something so I know to use the spell again, I can only hear you when you're responding to me."

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"All right."

 

She does, in fact, go find Rana.

"One of the other humans contacted me. He said he was curious about fairies."

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"Well, we're not connected now. So it doesn't matter if you lie. Though you shouldn't get in the habit."

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Nodnod. "Would you like me to stay here? Or - should I talk to him - "

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"Do you want to?"

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"I think so. I just don't want to cause any trouble."

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"You're not in my debt, Cecilia."

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"Yeah. I know."

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" - sorry. I can go."

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"Okay. See you later."

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She'll go over to where the others are, then.

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"Cecelia. - is everything okay?"

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"No. I hear your friends have questions."

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"I'm curious about religion in your world. Also about fairies, and fairy religions."

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"I don't think fairies have a religion. They seemed mystified by the entire concept of differentiating between good and evil. Humans have several religions. There are Christians, who believe that God sacrificed his son to allow all of us a place in heaven, and there are norse pagans, who are polytheistic and believe that to win the favor of their gods they ought to offer sacrifices to them, especially Christian prisoners. I suppose there are also other kinds of pagans, and Jews, and Muslims, but I don't know as much about thier particular beliefs and practices."

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"All Christians go to Heaven?"

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"If they trust in Christ's sacrifice and repent of their sins, yes."

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"Wow. That's wonderful."

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"Yes. Unfortunately they're in the process of being wiped out, and more people than ever are converting to paganism in an attempt to live longer and more prosperous lives in this life, even if it condemns them to hell."

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"Oh. Will - Queen Elizabeth - kill their gods after she's killed our evil gods, do you expect?"

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"Their gods aren't real. Only their spears."

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" - what makes you say that?"

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"The man who kidnapped me, if Hagan told you anything about that - he's the Emperor of Scandinavia and the head of their religion. He doesn't believe in them. The sacrifices are all for show, and to conveniently dispose of prisoners. However powerful his magic or numerous his armies, he has no gods on his side."

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"How very strange. Hagan did tell me about the man who kidnapped you. It sounds like you've had a very trying life."

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"I suppose."

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"There is a saying where I am from that the most trying lives are awarded to those who can bear up under them."

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...she smiles a little.

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"Is there more you could tell me about Christianity?"

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"Well - one is supposed to follow the laws of God, and ask forgiveness when one inevitably falls short. All infants are to be baptized soon after birth, so that they can go to heaven if they perish in infancy. We are to spread the good news of Christ's love and His sacrifice to all peoples of all nations, so that more might choose to follow God and attain salvation. We are not to worship other gods, even under threat of death. There are many rules, if one wishes to do the right thing at all times, out of obedience and gratitude to God, but the heart of it is - trusting in Him, and in His sacrifice, and in His love, and not forsaking Him no matter what trials come, and teaching others to do the same."

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He listens very seriously and writes some things down. 

"It seems like it must be difficult that fairies don't care about good and evil."

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"It does sometimes make it difficult to predict their opinions."

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"Do you think that staying with your fairy, and marrying him, is the thing that you're meant to do?"

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"I don't know. I - wanted to get my children back, and couldn't do it myself, or feed them if I did, but - I suppose I don't have this excuse now, given all of you."

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"It does sound like Elizabeth can do that."

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"I imagine she could."

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He sits there quietly.

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.....well she's not going to say that she loves him, that'll sound stupid.

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"Do you, uh, know what you'd want to do, if you had your kids back?"

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" - I imagine I would have to spend quite a bit of time getting them not to hate me."

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"Why would they hate you?"

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"Because I would have taken them away from their father, the emperor, who they adore, and who they expect to arrange them landed titles and advantageous marriages. And who will send them to hell, if he doesn't possess any of them when he dies."

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Nod. 

"Do you think you are meant to be alone, when you do that?"

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"I don't know."

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Nod.

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"Things were simpler when my only hope was death, I think."

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"I don't think this world is meant to be very simple."

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"No. I suppose not."

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"Normally I would not think a woman should marry a fairy. But Hagan thinks that you should, and Hagan is very wise. - with the crown on, at least."

(Hagan snorts.)

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"I think his court is very concerned about - us being entangled. And - my presence has indirectly caused a lot of trouble."

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"I don't think I understand all the implications of that. Does it mean you don't want to go back to his world?"

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"I think we're currently planning to eventually. But - I don't want to do anything that might cause any more problems."

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"Does you having a personality cause problems?"

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" - I don't think I understand."

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"So you don't want to cause problems, which makes sense, but what this - observably looks like - is you getting even smaller and more unassuming and more definitely-won't-hit-back-if-you-hit-me and I was wondering if this was your strategy to not cause problems or if it's unrelated or something."

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" - I don't want to - act like I don't understand that having me around has been incredibly dangerous for his people, or like I think I'm entitled to even more from them - "

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"So you don't want to push him, on marrying you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I - I mean, you've brought up several reasons it might not be a good idea anyway - "

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"So, I want to avoid a few different things. I want to avoid you marrying him because you don't see any other options, that's not a good attitude to take into a marrage. I want to avoid you marrying him and him hurting you. 

But women ought to be married. And luckily for men, women do not only love men that are wholly worthy of their love. It's enough to be - trying very hard to be worthy of your love. That's what I'd say, if he wasn't a fairy and if I was more sure he's not hurting you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'd like to point out that women don't have to be married? I'm sure if you have a lot of small kids to care for then being married makes it easier, but, like, if you don't want to marry your slave owner or anyone else, then you can actually just not marry anybody, that's allowed."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not a slave. He's not allowed to keep me in debt anymore."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is that...good?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It means that I can't ask him for favors unless I'm capable of immediately paying him back. Because people think that being entangled with me is a liability."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Allowed by who?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"His court. I suppose the brother who looks like him probably made the decision," she says, gesturing at Matt.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"They're not wrong, given the last few days."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't remember you having been among the people who had trouble?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think at this point they're justified in not taking chances."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How did your fairy take the news?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"He was sad about it. Sadder before we knew I wasn't going to have to pay it off myself."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Does - you not being a slave - actually change anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I told you. It means I can't ask him for favors unless I can immediately pay him back."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Right but - is that the only difference between being a slave and not being a slave, that he can't do you favors you can't repay."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think it was also important to him for other reasons."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

These people have no idea how to be helpful here.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Have you, like, talked to him, about this. About either the slave thing or the marriage thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...he said that his family knew that they were asking him to give up something very important to him. And he asked about how to marry me, but he didn't - really follow up."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds less like talking about it and more like him making passing comments you didn't follow up on."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...possibly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you worried he'll be angry? If you bring it up?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't - really know how he feels right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm kind of guessing here but - he loves you, right? And - was it okay, the way fairies think about things, for him to love you when you belonged to him?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"And is it okay for fairies to love people who don't belong to them or is that considered kind of a stupid thing to do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I don't know."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seems like maybe something like that would make someone really grouchy about not having a slave anymore even if he was insisting just a bit ago that you weren't much a slave anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you still want to marry him?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean that depends."

Permalink Mark Unread

"On what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Lots of things! On whether he wants to, on whether he's allowed to help with raising children, on whether he thinks there's a way to get married that isn't dangerous for either of us or for his court, on whether it's a good idea to go back to fairyland or whether there's a compelling reason to go somewhere else, on what we even - are, right now - "

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You think it'd be dangerous?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It - traditionally involves making promises. Breaking a promise is much, much more dangerous than lying. For everyone connected to us, not just to him or to me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So you can't safely promise each other anything you might mess up at?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Okay, so, excuse me if this is a dumb plan, but - don't make anything that fairy considers a promise? It doesn't matter what fairy thinks, only what you do, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't know what the limits are."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Promise current intent, then."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - then either of us could leave."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yes? That's the point. Normal marriages aren't enforced by sudden lightning strikes, even in Osirion. If you think he wouldn't stay with you just because you'd be depending on it, lightning or no lightning, then don't marry him, he's not worth it."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think he'd stay, if we'd made plans that depended on it. But I don't know if he - I don't know what he wants right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, only one way to find out, isn't there. Probably also shouldn't marry him if you can't ask him how he's feeling."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that makes sense.

"...did anyone have other questions, or - "

Permalink Mark Unread

They shake their heads.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I'm going to go... talk to Rana, I guess."

She wanders back over to the house.

Permalink Mark Unread

Rana is there.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Hi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hi. Did you have fun?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I... don't know that I had very much fun, exactly, but I'm glad I decided to talk to them?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. Then that's good?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so. They, uh, wanted to know if we were still planning to get married."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I ...thought we talked about that and decided we'd die if we did that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Imrainai suggested we could make different promises than people usually make. Maybe about current intent. She pointed out that human marriages are not enforced with lightning strikes. But - I don't know if - it would be a good idea, even with that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just - 

"I don't know what you want."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I know what I wanted."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thought I was doing pretty well at it, too."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. I thought so."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Hagan suggested that it might be - weirder, less accepted, or something, for fairies to love people who didn't belong to them. I didn't know whether that was true."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno about weird. Just - stupid. Sort of tragic."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I think 'stupid' was the word he used, actually. Over translation, of course, but."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know what it is to love someone you can't do any favors and can't protect and can't take care of and can't hear stories from and can't hold. It seems kind of like - announcing you're in love with the moon, or something. Your life still won't have any more moon in it than anyone else's life."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"It's not fair."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, it isn't.

 

"Elizabeth might be able to cause your court to forget your name. That's - probably a horrible thing to suggest, but - "

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Where would we go? Not - here - I hate this place -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know. I don't know how safe it is to wander, without a court. I - suppose if there was a way to contact her, we might be able to come back here when we needed things - you can tell me it's an awful idea, it probably is - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's not super smart to wander without a court but it'd be okay if we could contact her, probably. I -

-  if we did it you'd be okay having debt again? Being mine again?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnodnod. "As long as you didn't - if it was like before."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I feel like I'm - asking too much of you and I don't even understand why -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - too much how? I'm the one asking you to leave your court - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"But you're - back among humans and could just go be a human with them and never think of me again and I want you to - stay -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I don't want to go. I - I don't want to never see them again, maybe, but - I want to be with you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I thought I was kind of clear, about the loving you thing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Before - before my court said to -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, yeah, but that wasn't - you, and - humans don't have feelings about magical debts, we don't have them. We just - we find someone who wants to take care of us, and look after us, and protect us, and raise children, and - who's all right being devoted to us for the rest of our lives, and we marry them and stay together, and - if we're very lucky we love them, and they love us back. So I don't - I'm confused about how you feel, and I guess about how I should feel in return, to make things work out, but I'm not - I haven't stopped wanting all of that - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"I want to look after you, and protect you, and raise your children, and be devoted to you for the rest of your life."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - can I hug you if - if I tell you a bit of a story right after - "

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yeah. Guess that works."

Permalink Mark Unread

Hug.

 

"I guess we should talk to Elizabeth?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mmhmm. After a little bit of story."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mhmm."

She can tell him however much of the story of David and Goliath it takes to pay off a hug.

Permalink Mark Unread

And then they can go talk to Elizabeth.

Permalink Mark Unread

Who is still hanging out in her yurt reading a book.

" - hi! Can I help you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can you make my parents forget my name?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - probably. I might have to travel to your world and I might have to know what your name is. I can make myself forget it when they do."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - might be the same as Connor's - oh, it is the same as Connor's. - and the same as Alex's! Ooops."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I have no idea if I can make you forget learning that. I guess I could try for a less specific memory editing spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That'd be good. I don't want to be entangled with them. - with Connor's probably not a disaster."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He hasn't lied as long as I've known him but that isn't very long by fairy standards."

She tries making him forget Alex and Connor's real names without knowing what those names are.

"Did that do anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think so. You could make me forget my real name and then I can pick a new one that's not shared with Alex and Connor once my court has forgotten too?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - hm. I could do that but now Connor knows your name, see, and if it's also his name then it's going to be hard to make him forget it without - hm."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I will fix this, I just need to think about how. Worst case we can always rename Connor. I guess. Connor do you have feelings about your name."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't want to share it with people!"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - share it with people in the sense of telling people or in the sense of having the same one as your alternates."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well either but I was thinking about having the same one."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! I'm going to make both of you forget your names, if I can do that without knowing them, and then I can go to Rana's world and make everyone forget his name, and then we can - talk to Connor's parents about whether we can rename him, I guess. Sound okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

They both nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

She attempts to make them forget their own names and each other's names and Alex's birth name. "Did that do anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! Ready to head over to your court? I think you should come with me because if I go alone it probably won't freeze me in time but I am not actually absolutely certain of this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We can come with."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool!"

She makes a wand of Tongues for herself. She casts Tongues on herself. And here they are in Fairyland. 

She attempts to erase everybody's knowledge of Rana's birth name, but since she can't see all of the specific people she's working with it is possible that this did not work.

"We should probably find your parents and ask if that worked."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

His father is playing with his ring of Comprehend Languages.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hi! I wanted to ask you if you still remember Rana's birth name."

Permalink Mark Unread

He looks between himself and Rana. He looks very confused. 

" - no."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay! Probably you can rename yourself, then."

Permalink Mark Unread

He contemplates for a second. 

"...okay. I think I did that. Can we test it by having me tell you and you erase it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that should work."

Permalink Mark Unread

"My new real name is Cecelia'sfairy," he whispers.

Permalink Mark Unread

...she smiles a lot. And they are entangled. She forgets the name, and now they're not entangled, and she doesn't remember why she's smiling.

"Works."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So I guess now you're not entangled with anybody here?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not."

Permalink Mark Unread

She turns back to his dad.

"Sorry about that. This is probably very confusing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think this ring is doing translation in a sensible fashion," he says. "I have three copies of this poem here and they translate differently and none of the translations are very good. I hope the rest of your magic isn't so careless."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - huh. Uh, do you want, like, some books?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"For what?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Just, like, in general. Uh, I can erase debt, you wouldn't have to give me anything for them. And I guess I feel like it's kind of rude to steal people's children's names from them, and maybe I should give you some stuff so you're not as annoyed about it as you might have been."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You will attempt to erase the debt if you give me books, and if this fails for some reason attempt to immediately arrange some other method of repayment?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure, you can give me books."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cool. - Cecelia, what year is it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"The year of our lord 1032."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Limiting ourselves to dead people - "

Can she actually conjure things outside her demiplane? Full copy of the Old Testament in Hebrew?

Permalink Mark Unread

Apparently she cannot conjure things outside her demiplane.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's fair. Luckily time will be paused if she leaves here, so it's not very much trouble to go back to her demiplane, conjure it there, and then bring it back. She does that.

Permalink Mark Unread

He accepts his book!

Permalink Mark Unread

And she erases the debt. 

"I could do more, but I should probably look at a list of ancient literature first. I don't want to, like, get you entangled with people who haven't been born yet, or something, I can only erase debt to me personally."

Permalink Mark Unread

"This will do! Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're very welcome." She turns to Cecelia and her fairy. "Do you guys want to go back to the demiplane now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"All right."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We should probably bring the children, if this isn't Rana's court anymore."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. - I think I wanna test something."

She brings them back to her demiplane. 

"How many kids with the fairies?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Two. The two youngest."

Permalink Mark Unread

And she brings Cecelia's two youngest kids to her demiplane. 

"Did you want the others, too? You had more, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think - I might want a little time to prepare for that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. Did you need anything else right now?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think so?" She turns to Rana.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is there anywhere it's safe for us to go that has - plants -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - hm. I can try making more plants here, and if that doesn't work I think I'm okay with the two of you hanging out by our fairy circle at home? As long as you don't talk to anybody. Which I guess will be easy since you don't speak the language."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds good."

Permalink Mark Unread

Can she make another tree? Maybe a pear tree this time?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yep!

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh cool! 

....can she make a little expanse of rain forest over this way?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yes.

Permalink Mark Unread

Woooah.

More rainforest, here and here and here.

"Does that work?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Great! Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mhmm! Have fun!"

Annnnd now she needs to go fix Connor's name.

Took care of Cecelia and the full fairy. So, uh, does anybody know your name right now besides your parents? 

Permalink Mark Unread

I don't think so.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. I guess I should make them forget it, then. And then, uh, do you want to name yourself, or do you want them to name you again, or would you want me to name you, or...

Permalink Mark Unread

I'm not really good at names. - I like the one I gave you but otherwise.

Permalink Mark Unread

I like the one you gave me, too! But I am mildly concerned that if I let you name yourself you will pick something very obvious and everyone will have accidentally guessed it within a week.

I thought of a name. If you want me to pick one.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds good. What is it?

Permalink Mark Unread

...she goes ahead and erases his father's memory of his name. And pops home for half a second and erases his mom's memory of it, too.

 

Francis. Uh, there was an explorer and pirate named Francis who was knighted by Queen Elizabeth I of England. He was the first sea captain to circumnavigate the world and live to tell about it. Also there's a famous saint named Francis who's the patron saint of animals.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

That's a good name.

Permalink Mark Unread

I'm glad. Then it can be yours, now. 

- I could probably knight you, too. I'm pretty sure queens are allowed to knight people. And then I would have a knight.

Permalink Mark Unread

What do knights do?

Permalink Mark Unread

Traditionally it's an honorary title bestowed on men in recognition of their service to their liege. In the middle ages it was mostly for people who knew how to fight on horseback, but by Sir Francis Drake's time I think it was a little more symbolic than that. 

I think mostly a knight devotes himself to the service of his liege, her realm, and her people. And in return he gets to be a noble and have recognition of how very important his efforts have been to her.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

We should do it, then. I think you're supposed to do a little ceremony. 

Permalink Mark Unread

What sort?

Permalink Mark Unread

I thiiink the knight kneels and the monarch ceremonially touches his shoulders with a sword, and says something like 'I dub thee Sir Francis'. This is probably not very historically accurate, I am going based on the vague memory of having seen something similar on TV once. But I'm the queen and we don't have any traditions yet. So I think we can probably do it however we want. But it's nice to do something.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds good except maybe don't say my name out loud. In case someone has eavesdropping magic or something.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's legit. I can knight you Sir Connor. Fairy names are weird anyway.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Hee.

She heads back to her yurt and makes herself a plus five merciful longsword. 

"This should work. Uh - we could just do it here? In which case I guess you kneel."

Permalink Mark Unread

He kneels.

Permalink Mark Unread

Very careful tap. Very careful tap. 

"I dub thee Sir Connor, knight of Diamond Queen Elizabeth X and servant of her realm."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I...accept? Do I have to say anything?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I dunno. I don't think the people on TV went on that long. But I'm going to say that counts."

She tugs him up and kisses him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Aaaaahhh he loves her! So much!

Permalink Mark Unread

She loves him too! Best fairy knight ever!!

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Valentine is poking at the books from the Library of Alexandria. She's found one in Latin and is alternating between looking through it and making sure she's not in anybody's way.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is she...okay," he says to Korva.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think so. She was, like, enslaved by devils, or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...moreso than you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I was a subject of a crown that had made a pact with devils."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ends the same way! - I guess the middle could be pretty different."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, neither of us have met our end yet, have we."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Does she need anything that anyone can ...do."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I guess if I were her I'd want... friends. Some indication that the people I was stuck with cared what happened to me. I'm not entirely sure how to give that to her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't actually know how to make friends with women."

Permalink Mark Unread

- she laughs.

" - sorry. I shouldn't laugh, I don't know how to make friends with anyone."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Making friends with men is pretty easy! You ask them about their lives and listen to their answers and worry about them and - let them know you're worrying about them -"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - and you expect this doesn't work with women?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No! Because they're not going to tell you about their lives and it's rude and prying to ask and they will probably assume you have intentions!"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I would say 'is it possible that this only applies to Osirian women', but I think in Cheliax it might apply to everyone. 

"She's not from either, regardless."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you know anything about the customs where she's from?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"She's from Earth. I'm guessing more like Queen Elizabeth's experience of it than like Cecelia's. I guess we could ask Matt for specifics."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm suspicious of the fairies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm suspicious of everyone. If you don't want to ask questions of anybody fairy I guess there's - well, Elizabeth, but we gave her the day off. There's her sister. I don't think Cecelia will get you any closer. Alex mentioned knowing about the organization she worked for, I guess he might also know other things."

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods. He looks down. It is unclear whether he is praying or telepathically contacting Alex.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Man, being a fairy must be nearly as bad for that brother as being pharaoh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"He likes people. A lot. Before he was pharaoh he knew everyone who lived or worked in the palace, knew them well, he'd screw around with assignments to get people somewhere where they were happier or where their friends were or where they'd have work they were good at. He - at least once he stopped me from making a very bad mistake I didn't even know would've been a mistake at the time, and that no one else would've considered one - when we'd get the lottery winners for a tour he'd always go and meet them and he'd come back so alive, all excited, about their fashions and their families and their marriages - he'd write them letters, send wedding gifts months later - 

- he stopped all that, of course, because when the pharaoh does things it means things, because there was no such thing as having a light touch anymore, for anything, because his attention wasn't a fair thing to inflict on random people just because he wanted to know them -"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"That does sound kind of hellish."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmm?"

Permalink Mark Unread

" - not being able to do the things that make you happy anymore. Giving up the things that are important to you in order to better and more completely fill the role that the divine wishes to mold you into. Giving up being a person, becoming a thing that isn't capable of making ordinary human connections with ordinary people, stepping completely and entirely into the role you've been assigned, no matter what parts of yourself you have to cut off in the process.

"Maybe I assume too much from your description, but - that's what hell is. But at least he believes his is temporary."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- he wouldn't do it for Abadar. But for the people - it's all for the people -"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"And he's got his husband and his absurd stack of wives and his council with a hundred members who've opted in to having his attention and - I think he's okay. But it seems like it's not great. And being a fairy would be hard, the same way, because fairies can't just give anything or get anything or anonymously finagle anything, it's all got to be even."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah.

"Wonder how Cecelia's doing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you think we were wrong, to encourage him to marry her and make the whole mess permanent -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think - I worry that people shouldn't marry each other if they're not certain about it. - maybe not all people. People who are me. And last we spoke to her she didn't seem very certain."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. 

"It is not very surprising that I feel better about marriages that start out badly than people in places who don't arrange them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not sure I follow? Like - maybe marriages between people who are very unsuited for each other don't lead to divorce, in Osirion, but I'd think they'd still lead to a lot of pain. Maybe not all the time, but a lot of it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Between people who are very unsuited to each other, sure. But people who love each other and just have no idea what to do with that, I think that usually works out well. And if it doesn't it's because he changes when he has power, and - they tested that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I suppose so. I guess I worry that - I'm still not sure he knows what marriage is."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He really doesn't seem to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. And - you do realize it's possible to love someone and not be suited to marry them, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have spent my entire adult life assuming I could never marry anyone because I couldn't inflict the palace on them. And most of the people I might want wouldn't be eligible anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I see. Well - I might be hesitant to inflict fairyland on her for the rest of her life. Even if he means well. Even if he understands what she's asking. Even if she loves him and he loves her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You think it'd be a bad place, for someone who's - like you?"

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"I dunno enough about it. I know the first two times Elizabeth pulled her from it she was crying. I know every time she talks about his court she looks sad."

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Nod.

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"What makes someone eligible to marry Osirian royalty?"

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"Oh." He looks thoroughly embarrassed. 

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- huh.

"I'm assuming it's, like, people above some certain noble rank, or something."

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Headshake. "The pharaohs take a lot of wives and they'd just swallow up the whole nobility, it wouldn't be very popular. The only absolute requirement is that if never married she be a virgin."

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" - I guess in Osirion this is both less limiting and less bizarre a requirement than it would be other places."

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"Most everyone expects that anyways, marrying in Osirion. You go get a truth spell and she says she's never been touched and he says he doesn't have secret kids he's supporting or a mistress. Only really excludes foreign women."

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"I really hope 'never been touched' is really high on the euphemism scale."

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"- yes, sorry. People don't usually talk this directly about things -" he's blushing more - "but the statements are phrased reasonably and obviously it's fine to have had girls, or to hug your relatives. And it's not fine exactly but it's not going to be life-ruining to have foolishly kissed a boy once. I think. I don't - everything works very differently in the palace, I had to learn it all when I left so people wouldn't think I was a monster -"

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Awww. "- that wasn't at all obvious to me but I assume it makes sense to Osirians, somehow."

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"You can sort of think about it as - an Osirian girl who has sex with a boy, properly, is risking ruining her life and the child's. If she did that, even if it worked out all right, people will take it as having implications for her judgment and decisionmaking, her priorities, how likely she is to be faithful in a marriage, how likely her children are to be yours. An Osirian girl who skirts that line as closely as she can is - well, she's a lot smarter, right, but she's still putting herself in a life-ruining situation and that's not a desirable trait. And so the farther away it gets from 'you risked your whole life and your child's because someone was charming', the closer it gets towards 'you responsibly checked whether someone was the right person to marry and they weren't' - the more people relax about it."

He is not looking at her at all.

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" - I meant the thing about having had girls. Chelish people don't distinguish."

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"....you cannot get pregnant with girls at all."

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"Well, you can't get pregnant from kissing, either, can you."

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"You can get carried away, from kissing, or agree to go somewhere private for kissing and run into a boy who'll take more."

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"I would point out that this is true of lots of other things, but I guess Osirians have already decided to handle that by considering being alone in a room with someone practically a sex act in itself. 

" - that was mean. Just - man, I do not think of the lines around these things as being at all in the places where you guys seem to put them."

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"We don't have Hell subsidizing state daycares, so we can't afford them. Every baby whose parents aren't married is two desperately impoverished lives."

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She looks like she's about to say something, and then doesn't, and shreds some grass between her fingers instead.

 

"Men don't claim under truth spells that they've never been touched, huh?"

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"No. Or - some probably do, but it's enough, in most cases, to say you're not hiding a lover or some children."

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"That seems silly."

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"Men marry a decade older. Lot fewer people can make it to thirty without ever screwing up than can make it to twenty. You're still supposed to - especially if you don't want dead children you never knew about, off in the Boneyard - I've never - but it's not considered as important to whether you can make a good husband."

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"Well that's dumb. Anybody who thinks they're ruining somebody's life over it ought to not, and if they didn't mind ruining somebody's life then people ought to consider whether that says awful things about their character. And it seems like it'd be exactly as much an indicator of how likely someone is to cheat, later on, although maybe Osirians don't care about that, either, as long as it's men doing it."

She rips a blade of grass in half.

" - I'm being stupid. I should go talk to - " She looks around. "Someone. Probably."

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Nod.

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" - I think my country's got plenty of its share of dumb too, yeah?"

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" - 'm not mad you said it's stupid and horrible, I knew you'd say that."

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She feels like there's something she's supposed to say here, but she doesn't know what it is, and she's really too inexplicably upset to find it, right now.

 

" - I'm gonna take a walk," she announces, and heads off towards the rain forest.

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Valentine looks up and notices Korva leaving. 

She shuts her book, waits thirty seconds, and then follows her.

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Great.

 

 

He goes back over to his friends and pretends to be paying attention to what they're talking about.

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She finds a big tree and sits down with her back against it. She doesn't cry. It would be so incredibly stupid to cry, not knowing what she was crying about but being pretty sure that it had to do with people's opinions of her as a romantic interest.

She does bite her hand.

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It takes her a little bit to find her. Not very long. There isn't really all that much rainforest.

"Do you - wanna be alone - ?"

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" - no, it's fine. Just taking a break to be an idiot about - it doesn't matter."

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Nodnod. She sits down next to her.

 

 

"If you did want to say what it was, I wouldn't be bored. But if you don't I brought a book."

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She laughs, weakly. 

" - stupid conversation I was having with Hagan. I don't even remember how we got on the topic, but somehow we got on Osirian marriages, and - they have so many bizarre opinions about what makes a woman worthy of marriage. Has to be a virgin. By some bizarre definition that might disqualify people who have kissed boys and definitely doesn't disqualify people who've had sex with girls."

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"Oh. I guess lots of cultures have had that. - minus the not counting lesbian sex. I'm - not really sure how many cultures have had that."

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"I guess there are probably other places that do it."

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"Yeah.

 

"Were you -  hoping he'd, like - "

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"No! That's what makes it so stupid! I just - it doesn't matter, what anyone thinks of me, on this front, because I'm never going to be with anyone, no matter what the stupid fairy kid thinks, it's just - in Cheliax I could be certain of it because I didn't kiss boys, and in Osirion I can be certain because all Chelish girls are born succubi, or whatever."

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" - does he think that?"

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"Not literally. I guess the nonliteral version is probably close enough to true, by whatever bizarre definition of sex they use where he comes from."

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Nod.

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"Anyway. It doesn't matter."

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"...sure. It's just that you're, uh, crying about it."

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"I am not."

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" - sorry. Almost crying."

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" - fine. Just - don't laugh."

 

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"I won't laugh."

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"Fine. It doesn't matter what anybody thinks, because I'm never going to get married anyway, okay? Not because I'm a virgin or not, or anything stupid like that, just 'cause - I think I'm, like, dead, or something. More like a dead person than living people are supposed to be. And whatever parts let living people love each other are just - not there. And anybody who got close enough would know, okay? So it doesn't matter. Never been in love, never going to be, slightly less done being over it than I thought I was, not a big deal."

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" - I guess that makes sense."

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" - it does?"

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" - I mean, uh, I'm never gonna get married either. - I guess it can't really be a general Imrainai trait, what with Elizabeth and Cecelia, but - it makes sense. It's not how I would say it, but it makes sense."

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"Oh."

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"Do you want, like, a hug?"

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"...sure."

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One of the things about being telekinetic, at least to the extent that she is, is that it involves being very aware of all of the matter in her vicinity. She can feel every blade of grass, every leaf on all of the trees, where all of the people are and what all of them are doing and how loud all of them are being. She can't actually figure out what they're saying, when they're too far away for her to properly hear, but she does get volume.

 

Imrainai's upset.

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Yeah. I am trying to not eavesdrop on them. Sometimes people don't like it if you hear things they wouldn't have expected you could hear.

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I see. 

Do you think I shouldn't go see what's wrong, then?

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No, I think that is okay. If they don't want you to hear when they see you they'll stop talking. It's just hearing where they wouldn't expect you to that I try to avoid.

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Nodnod. Hug.

I'm gonna check on them.

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Sounds good.

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So she flies over to them and lands on the rainforest floor.

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" - oh. Hi."

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Can you ask Imrainai if she's okay? she sends Elizabeth.

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uh, sure.

The one from hell wants to know if you're okay, she sends Korva.

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" - uh. I'm being kind of silly. It's nothing to worry about."

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Silly how?

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"Uh, just - this is weird. Childishly bemoaning my lack of marital prospects. I guess I don't really expect you to have a lot of context for this."

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Why can't you get married?

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" - it's not that I can't, it's just that it's not going to happen. Which is fine."

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Why is it not going to happen?

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"Has anyone ever told you that you're a very nosy person?"

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Very, very, very long ago.

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"I'm never going to get married because nobody is ever going to fall in love with me. Nobody is ever going to fall in love with me because I am a cold, dead, affectionless harpy who is never going to love anyone in a way that would make them want to love me back. Also because I have probably somehow made myself unmarriageable by the standards of every society in existence, which would be very inconvenient if I didn't already have this problem anyway. Is that what you wanted to know?"

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Some of it.

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"What about you. You're, like, thousands of years old, right, have you ever been in love? Ever felt anything that looked like it in very specific lighting?"

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Once. In love or very foolish.

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"What happened with that? Assuming you're fine with everyone being exactly as nosy back."

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I guess so.

Very very long ago, I was transported to a world in the middle of an apocalyptic war, with Alex and my dog and two vampires and a human man I had never met before. It was discovered that we could end the war by trapping the evil god inside a human infant. We did not have any human infants. I decided that we would create one. The other human was upset about it. I was sixteen, and we were all very young, and somehow the difference between us seemed very big, at that time. He was worried about the fact that I had never had sex before. I'd never even wanted to kiss anyone. He was also really sure that Alex was in love with me.

I convinced him to have sex with me. I remember thinking that it was just about the most painful thing that had ever happened to me. But it worked. I had a baby. I sealed the god inside her. Everyone forgot what had happened, as part of the spell. The other human proposed to me right away. When I had confirmed that the spell had worked, I killed the baby and the god, and he never spoke to me again.

For a long time after that - a long time as young humans count time - I felt like all of the pieces of myself weren't connected very well. I didn't do anything but sit in my room. I spent a lot of time wishing that Alex would hold me, or kiss me, or tell me he loved me. But I was worried that everything inside me was rotten and evil and horrible, and that if I kept feeling like that I would make the feelings turn rotten and evil and horrible. So I decided that I would lock the feelings in a little imaginary box, and I would put a little imaginary lock on it, and I would leave all of my feelings about Alex inside the box, and not open it or think about it or touch it at all, and that way it wouldn't get any horrible on it.

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Wow.

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"Uh.

"...how did that work out for you?"

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I died. And sometime after I died I think I misplaced the box.

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"I feel like we are supposed to learn some kind of lesson from this. I have no idea what it is."

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"You heard all of that, too?"

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sorry. I told her. I thought we were all, like, having a conversation.

Uh, if it helps enlighten anything, I used to be pretty sure I was never going to like anyone, and... then I met Connor and eventually I decided I liked him. 

I guess that probably doesn't clarify anything.

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"Well, it's an interesting parallel, if nothing else. What... made you like him?"

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Ummm. Lots of stuff. I - guess I didn't start wanting to kiss him until, uh - I felt like we were really good friends, and like he liked being with me, and wasn't going to leave? And - well actually it was right after we established that it was okay to like having a slave.

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"I'm... not sure it is?"

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Well, I dunno what to tell you guys, then.

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"...suddenly really curious about Cecelia's love life."

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"Yeah. ...we should probably check up on her at some point anyway. If we can find her in all of this, they could be tiny."

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I can find them.

She flies to them.

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Rana and Cecelia are building a house again. 

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...she really should have thought about what she was going to say to them more. Uh.

"...you guys doing okay?"

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"I think so."

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"Cool. We had some, uh, questions, for Cecelia, if that's okay."

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She looks at Rana.

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He kisses her forehead. "You can go try to help them with whatever their problem is now, just be careful."

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Eeee. Hug. "I'll be careful."

And she takes one of the paths and gets big again. "We should head a ways away in case one of you accidentally lies again."

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"Sure." They can head a ways away. "You seem... happy, again."

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"Rana had Elizabeth disentangle him from his parents. So we can have debt again."

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"That's... good?"

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"Mhmm. And he wants to stay with me forever and help look after the kids. So - we have to figure out the specifics, still. But I think it'll be good again."

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...if Cecelia is like the rest of them, there is every possibility that she has never had a crush before. And they know that all of her previous experiences with men have been exponentially more horrible. So her standards here are, yeah, underground.

"That's good. Until the next time you have a horrible misunderstanding and something blows up."

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"...I think we're going to be okay."

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"Well, maybe I'll believe that when he's gone a week without making you cry."

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"I... suppose that's reasonable? Did you have a question?"

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"...uh. Valentine, did you want to - "

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" - me?"

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Oh, come on, guys. They want to know if you've ever had a crush on someone before.

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"I have never been in love before, no. Is that - relevant to something?"

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" - I mean, it does give me some concerns about whether you're actually in love now or just, like, having your first experience being infatuated with someone? But actually we were trying to figure out whether we all shared some kind of - general attraction pattern, or whatever."

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"...I don't think I understand."

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"Imrainai and me were talking about, uh, expecting that we'd never fall in love with anyone and nobody would ever fall in love with us, and how probably nobody would ever want to marry us. And then the one of us from hell came over and told us that she'd never wanted to kiss anyone before - things happened to her - and then she ended up with a crush on Alex. And Elizabeth volunteered that she'd kind of figured that she'd never like anyone, but then she ran into Connor and I guess now they're together. And - we were kind of wondering whether you had something, uh, similar."

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"Ah. I - guess I sort of always figured I'd get married, because almost everyone does? I hoped that I would love whoever it was, but one can never really know that ahead of time. Before Rana stole me I expected that I would be married off when the Emperor was done with me. I have, in fact, never wanted to kiss anyone else. And now I'm in love with Rana. And when he kisses me it's very nice, even though it was never nice with anyone else. 

"I don't know if that helps or not?"

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"I guess so.

"How, uh, sure are you that you're in love with Rana and not, like - it seems like maybe if you wanted to kiss someone and had never wanted to kiss anyone else before, you might, like, get confused."

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" - no, not really? Being in love isn't one specific thing. It's - feeling very safe with someone, and knowing you can trust them to be on your side, and being happy for their happiness, and knowing that they'll be happy for yours. It's wanting to comfort someone when they're hurting, and wanting to celebrate with them in their joy. Wanting to be with them forever. Wanting to be wanted back. And when you are, it's the security of knowing that you are important, that no matter what happens you won't be abandoned. You don't need all of those, and don't need any specific amount of them, because there is no line written on earth or in the heavens that divides true love from false. One is in love when one feels such things strongly enough to feel safe defining them as being in love. And I do.

"And - I suppose the more I had of that, the nicer it became when he kissed me. And I expect I shall grow more in love with him in the future, as he continues to prove himself more and more worthy of it, and that the more in love I am, the happier I will be at his side, and the happier I will be to touch him."

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Wow. That, like, sounded like you knew what you were talking about. I didn't even give you a headband.

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"I'm a poet. It's my job to know these things."

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Well... I'm not a poet. And I'm not an expert on love, and stuff. But - I think if Cecelia was right about anyone, it'd be her other selves who seem like they might work the same way she does? So - 

- I don't know if any of you guys are ever gonna fall in love. And I dunno if anyone's ever gonna fall in love with you, although, like, if I had to guess, I would say that there's a pretty good chance of any given Connor-person falling in love with their Imrainai. But - it's not a thing that happens all at once, right? It's like - you like someone, and you trust them, and you get to know them better and better, and trust them more and more, and understand them more and more, and depend more and more on having them around, and one day you look up and they're really really important to you. And - I dunno how you tell if it's love, or not, but - if you've never done all of that with someone then I don't see how you could have had it, and not having experienced it isn't much of any evidence that it's not going to happen in the future if you do, right?

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I guess that makes sense.

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Are you guys gonna, like, hide in the woods forever, now?

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Until I come up with a better plan, yeah.

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Well, she feels like she helped a little. She flies back over to Alex.

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How'd it go?

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I think okay? They're arguing about love. Imrainai's planning to hide in the forest forever but I don't think it will be a very long forever.

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Why does she want to hide in the forest forever?

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I think she doesn't want to talk to Hagan.

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What'd he do?

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Dunno. But she was talking to him and then she went over into the woods and started talking about how nobody was ever going to love her, and now she won't come out, so probably he did something.

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Well, that's pretty stupid of him.

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Well, I dunno what he did.

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Well if it made her feel like no one would love her then it was pretty stupid of him no matter what it was, because I think he means to love her.

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Huh. You think so?

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I do. He looks at her like he would really like someone to have explained the instructions. Once Asmodeus is dead I think he will say something.

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Huh. I don't think she knows at all.

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I don't think he's been very subtle.

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I could be wrong. I might not be very good at reading people right now.

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I'm never very good at it.

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Well. They'll be okay eventually.

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Yeah.

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Well. Here the three of them are in this rainforest. 

"So you're going to marry the fairy?"

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"...we haven't really worked out the specifics. But we are going to stay together."

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"And that's enough for you?"

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"I'd like to get married! I just need to think a little bit about what this means."

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"You could talk to the others about it again. I guess if Imrainai's going to hide in the forest then she'd have to stay here."

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"I'll come. As long as people are doing things it'll be - more viable than hiding out here forever. Probably."

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"What'd he even say?"

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"It's not important. Let's just  make sure Cecelia doesn't make any very regrettable choices."

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She can lead them out of the forest, then.

"Hi! I, uh, talked to Rana."

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"Good for you!"

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"He was upset about - when we couldn't have debt we couldn't carelessly do anything for each other. So he asked Elizabeth to disentangle him from his parents and his court, and now it's all right if he does things for me."

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"And is it all right with you, to be in his debt again?"

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"Yes. I trust him. Not to get everything right the first time, but to try very hard and to figure out the important things in time."

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"Then I'm happy for you. 

And I think you should get married."

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"Probably.

"I'm not entirely sure how one marries a fairy. And I'm also not sure he knows - exactly what marriage is."

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"Fairies don't have marriage?"

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"They do not."

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"Do fairy fathers stick around to raise their children?"

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"They can't safely leave them until the children are old enough to be trusted not to break the rules. A father knows his child's name, so they're entangled."

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"I guess I can see how a society would end up with that instead of marriage."

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Nod. "And they can't safely make promises that they might fail at, and their lives are much longer than human lives, and don't end at predictable times. So - thinking about it, I can see why marriage might seem strange and dangerous to them."

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Nod.

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"He does want to stay with me for the rest of my life. I just - need to figure out how to formalize it sensibly."

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Nodnod. 

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"I was kind of wondering if anyone had ideas about it. Imrainai's idea about promising intent was good, I think, but I'm not sure whether there's anything else in particular that needs to be changed."

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(She's suuuper not looking at Hagan.)

"Uh, well - how are marriage ceremonies, where you're from?"

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"I don't think I've been to a proper one since I was a little girl. Pagans don't have proper weddings, you know, they can divorce their wives and take as many concubines as they can feed. But - the husband is supposed to promise to love, to honor, to keep, and to comfort his wife, and to remain faithful to her until one of them dies. And the wife is supposed to promise to love, to honor, to keep, to serve, and to obey her husband, and to remain faithful to him until one of them dies. I'm sure there are other parts, but I don't remember all of them. There are rings."

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"Those seem like things that could maybe be expressed as intent rather than as promises."

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"I'd expect so. I'm not sure whether he can intend to remain faithful the way humans are supposed to intend it, since - he might run into a fairy that demanded a certain kind of payment for something, at some point. And he knows that."

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"He could promise he meant not to take any other lovers or wives?"

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"Yes. Might have to be content with that."

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"Would you be? Content?"

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She considers.

"I think - people can learn to be content about a lot of things. And if I were marrying a human - a Christian, anyway - I think a lot of men would be upset about the fact that they weren't the first person to take me to their bed, or that I had children from before that I meant to keep and take care of. So I'm not in much of a position to demand perfection. And he's already said that he's not going to sleep with anyone who doesn't insist on it.

"It's not good, that the world is one where people sometimes don't have the choice to keep themselves entirely for their spouse. But it's not a betrayal, to not always be clever or quick or strong enough to avoid it. Certainly a hardship. But if we meant to love only when there was no hardship in it, then none of us should marry at all."

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Nod.

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"I wonder whether that's all there really is to it. I think I'm worried I'm missing something else that's very obvious to me and not at all obvious to him."

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"Is he going to expect that he can take you to bed once he's married you? Are you all right with that?"

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"I do suppose that's how marriage works."

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"Well, it's not super clear fairies know things about how marriage works. It's how marriage where I'm from works."

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"I think it's how marriage works most places."

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"I don't - object to it. Exactly."

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"That doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement."

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"I'm - worried about it. But - I want to be his wife. Properly his wife."

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"I guess if you are trying to think of things you have different expectations about, a fairy whose society permits lots and lots of casual relations and a former slave not looking forward to it might have very different expectations in that space."

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Nodnod. "I should talk to him about that, yes."

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"Dunno what else. Parenting, maybe. Fairies sound like they'd be demanding parents."

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"Yeah. I think that one's - slightly less urgent, it won't be everything changing at once. He's already helped with the little ones. The toddler likes him. We should talk about - discipline, and values, and things, but I'd think he could keep deferring to me about the complicated bits until he had a better sense of the children as people. And as humans in particular."

Permalink Mark Unread

"If he has children by you they won't be humans."

Permalink Mark Unread

"This is true. And if they're as fairy as Connor and Matt are, then I think for lots of things I ought to defer to him. - I suppose we should talk about what effects that might have on the children, having two sets of rules for things, or which one set would be better for all of them."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's a bit of a shame that I can't rightly ask him to talk to any of you about it. You might be better at thinking of things than I am. But I don't think he'll want to talk to any of you much until you've spent much longer not breaking any of the rules."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Will something even worse happen if someone gets counted as lying again?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It might be as bad or worse for us. It can't harm his court anymore, now that we're disentangled from them. Which is good, I think. They were terrified."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. 

Permalink Mark Unread

"He was worried I was holding it against him, how strongly they reacted. But I think it was really quite justified, if in many ways horrifying.

"We were going to have me tortured, before Elizabeth summoned us back. We're really very lucky she thought to check in."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - why?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"To clear the debt. The fairies expected we'd use sex. I don't think they realized they were being cruel. They just wanted to protect themselves."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Torturing people to protect yourself is, in fact, cruel."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't say it wasn't. But it could easily have brought even more suffering on their people if they'd allowed the debt to stand."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

" - it is very reasonable to prefer to be tortured to having sex but it does make me think that you should talk with him about his expectations there."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can't think of anything else."

Permalink Mark Unread

"All right. Thank you again."

And she heads off towards the rainforest. 

Permalink Mark Unread

 

....well, now they have nothing to talk about. She'll just... stand here awkwardly.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Really hope that wasn't the wrong call."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Might have been. But she's really set on staying with him, so it's better that however they are is bearable for her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that's what I figured.

I'm sorry I offended you earlier."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm not mad about it. Hit a sore spot or something, I guess, is all."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think foreigners who don't kill any kids are doing anything wrong. I guess I think a lot of them will be sort of unhappy but lots of people are sort of unhappy anyway."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I cannot actually claim not to be sort of unhappy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And I can't make anyone happy, so, that's that I guess. But I do think Fazil and Mahdi will have happy lives with happy girls, a sort of happy lives they couldn't have other places, and - I'm glad for them, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe they will."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hey," Fazil calls to them, "do we want one house or a men's house and a women's house?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...well I don't wanna be alone, but I'd take one to share with my sister and Valentine if you want to arrange two."

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods. "That's what I thought." And he heads off to ask Elizabeth about this.

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

"...what."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Noth -" he looks around for any fairies. Sighs.

Permalink Mark Unread

" - you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I was once told that talking about things is always a good idea but I suspect I was lied to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Pff. Well, you were. But I'm actually not mad at you, if this is your concern."

Permalink Mark Unread

"More figured I was insensitive about something personal. But it's not - you've got all these friends here, I don't know why you're talking to me -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um? I don't have any friends here. I have my sister, that's very cool. I have a bunch of alternate universe versions of myself who I feel some continuing compulsion to try to babysit. I have occasionally spoken to Fazil and Mahdi, but I am reliably informed that Fazil doesn't know how to make friends with women, so I assume I have not yet become his friend. And I have you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We... haven't been here that long."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Sorry."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, it's fine. I just - don't think it's very mysterious that I spend more time talking to you than to other people."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The reason I was kind of moping was because, before I offended you, I was arguing with Fazil that we should get one house, so we could look out for you and your sister and Valentine. It's kind of stupid."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I mean, I don't mind it either way. I figured you guys would."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's more effort to make sure we're not alone. Though that's also - it's okay to be a bit less strict here -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You were our prisoner, before. You can't -  there's lots of things it's lots more important to be careful about when someone has no recourse -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess Elizabeth would probably not put up with people being unwilling prisoners. I think. She doesn't seem to have any principled objections to slavery."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't really know all what she would or wouldn't put up with but I'd be really surprised if she wouldn't send us home if you told her to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno, I think you're a lot more important to her plans than I am."

Permalink Mark Unread

"am?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"You know a lot more about the situation on Golarion than I do. You've been teaching her to fight. I mostly sit here wishing I could still offer sarcastic commentary."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Connor is her slave and I am, as far as I can tell, here in case you turned out to have me or want me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty sure people's reasons for being here are now more complex than the reasons they were initially summoned."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. I think having us here is a good idea, to be clear. I just - it seems really unlikely that Elizabeth considers us more important than you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't think there's any particular reason to believe that she values her other selves particularly more than other people. - I don't actually think there's any reason to believe that she values her actual self more than other people. As far as I can tell none of the other Imrainais do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I don't think you're being stupid for assuming that Elizabeth cares about what happens to me. I do think it's kind of stupid to insist that not being alone with me was serving some important purpose before. If I didn't trust Fazil and Mahdi to object to anything, then I wouldn't expect their presence to limit you, and if I didn't expect accusations without witnesses to be taken seriously, I should have expected that there was nothing stopping you from leaving the house with me and coming right back while Fazil and Mahdi were selling spells. It would have been only a tiny bit more difficult to take me somewhere else where they would definitely not have happened to walk in on you. The only thing that's ever kept us safe, this past month, is that the three of you are decent people, and that you don't intend to hurt us no matter how convenient circumstances make it for you. - plus or minus a copy of the Disciplines, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I think - good people won't ever hurt anyone, and bad people don't need much of an opening, but I think there are other kinds of people who - will if they can rationalize it, or will if they don't have to cross any particular bright lines to do it -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm pretty sure most lines are just as bright regardless of whether there's anybody there to watch you cross them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"So one of the things that's awful about the palace is - 

- and it's a lot better than it used to be, right, lots of it now is about maintaining the trappings of something that must've been awful in its original form -

- I never witnessed any violence. I think there was very little of it. But there were lots of reasons people might not - argue, or complain, or refuse - and so you could, actually, hurt people without ever noticing a line -"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"I don't know how things are in the palace, but I'll bet however it is is not mostly because people are alone a lot. 

"I don't think that being mindful of your power is stupid. I don't think that being conservative about touching people is stupid. Most of the stuff you said to the fairy about keeping slaves made sense. I think that not being alone with people, specifically, does absolutely nothing but keep up appearances, because you have to know where the lines are to follow them in public, you don't stop knowing where they are when nobody's looking. A person who genuinely didn't know what was appropriate would be just as concerning with other people watching as they were without. At least if they were trying to avoid doing anything they'd want privacy for."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe with prisoners that's true."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not with anyone else?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean I think another common situation being guarded against is reckless teenagers getting carried away and I think it works great for that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That's perfectly fair. But most of the population isn't reckless teenagers."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. If I ran a country - which I super super shouldn't - I'd probably say grown adults could do what they wanted. Maybe it'd be fucked up somehow but maybe it'd go all right."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

 

"I don't think it matters how many houses there are."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It really doesn't. I did say it was stupid."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Sorry. I did ask."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's fine. I think I'm just worrying about random details a lot, here, since there's nothing to...do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That makes sense. Maybe we should talk to Queen Elizabeth about the lack of things to do here. Tommorrow. ...however tomorrows work with no sunsets."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's tomorrow once the casters have their spells back, of course."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess having them here is useful for keeping time, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

Sigh.

"I'll... leave you alone."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay.


I hope we're still friends."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Yeah."

She heads over to ask Valentine if she's okay sharing a house with her and her sister.

Permalink Mark Unread

He goes off to Fazil and Mahdi.

Permalink Mark Unread

She's erecting houses, after determining people's house specifications. 

When she's done, she checks her spellbook again.

Permalink Mark Unread

Spell: Fortunate

Misconduct by people entangled with you does not create misfortune.

To learn this spell, say to someone entangled with you, "I am a pineapple." Unsay it.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

Hey Connor. I got a new spell.

Permalink Mark Unread

Cool! What does it do?

Permalink Mark Unread

It says 'misconduct by people entangled with you does not create misfortune'.

Permalink Mark Unread

Woah.

Permalink Mark Unread

Right? I feel kind of weird trusting it but, like, the spellbook's never failed that way before - it does only say people entangled with me, not me, so I feel like I should still scrupulously avoid metaphors, but it's really neat. Do you know if the naive reading of those words means that it applies to anyone entangled with you as long as you're entangled with me, as far as I know I can only be directly entangled with fairies - 

Permalink Mark Unread

I would call you entangled with anyone entangled with me.

Permalink Mark Unread

That's really powerful, then.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. Don't really feel comfortable - relying on it - even though the spellbook's usually pretty good.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. It's - really high stakes if we misjudge how it works.

 

You could learn to fight, if you wanted. If it was right.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. I guess if I was immune to misfortune I could just - do whatever I wanted.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, depends on who objects to it, right? It means that you can't use fairy debt to protect yourself, anymore, since anyone who attacks you incurs debt, but then they're entangled with you, so it doesn't produce misfortune if they do it again.

Permalink Mark Unread

- I guess. Yeah.

Permalink Mark Unread

I guess in an emergency I could disentangle us again? But I don't really want to get in the habit of doing that.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah, I really don't like it. I guess most fairies have no way of knowing and would never guess.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah, I don't think it makes you much more vulnerable to fairies. More vulnerable to non-fairies, though, maybe.

Permalink Mark Unread

We can't afford to have you getting misfortune when you're doing such high-stakes things. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. You think I should take it? I have been really lax about asking you about taking spells, but - I wanna ask about this one.

Permalink Mark Unread

I feel kind of scared of it but I guess I think you should take it.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay.

...I have to lie to take it. If it doesn't protect me, and protect me while in the process of learning it, it's going to be bad.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

You could make my debt really really small? So we could barely tell?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. Okay. Should we ask Matt and your dad first, see if they want you to settle any debts first - 

Permalink Mark Unread

Can't pay off my parentdebt. - I guess I could with magic from you.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah, I think it'd be kind of trivial at this point. I'd give you some magic items to give your dad, you'd give them to him. I'm not saying you should, just, it's an option, if it'd be helpful.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

I think I'm okay with the risk if we're very disentangled.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. 

She goes and finds him. Erases almost all of the debt. Says "I am a pineapple." Unsays it.

"Okay. I think it's done. I wish there were a less risky way to run tests."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't have a headache or anything, do you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Not that I notice. I guess I ought to notice it even if you didn't, right, if it didn't protect me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think so. - let's maybe not test it, though."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Though it'd be really good to know for sure, it opens our options up a fair amount."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. But - maybe once it's been longer since all the misfortune happened."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. No rush. Should we tell the other fairies? Your dad and Matt and - I guess maybe the full fairy you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"- yeah, probably."

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, Matt's easy to find. 

"Hey. I got a spell that keeps people entangled with me from incurring misfortune."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you sure."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We have not done extensive tests. The spellbook has never been wrong before, and I had to tell a lie to learn it. It didn't hurt me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yikes. Okay. How entangled with you does someone have to be to be affected?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Doesn't say. The spellbook doesn't really explain very much ahead of time, it gives a one-sentence description and then we have to figure the rest out through experimentation. The full spell text is 'Misconduct by people entangled with you does not create misfortune.'"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Okay. I guess with that information I would prefer to be very slightly entangled with you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure."

She makes a candy bar and hands it to him.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mhmm. I think try not to rely on it until we've gone a while without making any mistakes, but probably it's safe."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're gaining abilities very fast, now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. About once a day."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sounds terrifying."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Little bit, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think you're doing great."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thanks. Lemme know if you stop thinking so, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Definitely," he says very seriously.

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod. 

She can go find his dad, then.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wanted to let you know I have a new spell. The full text is 'Misconduct by people entangled with you does not create misfortune.'"

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"- wow."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. We haven't extensively tested what it applies to, for obvious reasons, but it seemed like something you might want to know about."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It is very interesting but probably I had better not test it all the same."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. You having fun with the books?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"They're wonderful."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm glad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think you're all right."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thanks. See you later, then."

And she can go find Rana? Who is... somewhere in this rainforest. Hm. Oh, she can mindread Cecelia, that'll at least show her what area she's looking for. Yep, over there.

"Hi guys. Wanted to tell you that I have a new spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't care," he says coldly.

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay. Fair, but I'm going to tell you anyway, because it's important. I have a spell that prevents people who're entangled with me from incurring misfortune."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I find that difficult to believe."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's obviously risky to run extensive tests, so we haven't. But I erased most of my debt with Connor and then told the lie I had to tell to learn it, and I didn't get hit with anything, so I'm pretty sure it's doing something. It doesn't seem that much more implausible than directly manipulating debt, I don't think."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sorry for bothering you. Bye."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Bye."

Permalink Mark Unread

....she's just going to keep working on building this house.

Permalink Mark Unread

He will join her again.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wonder if it'll just make them careless."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm a little worried about that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well. We don't have to be entangled with them. We can just be very careful."

Permalink Mark Unread

He nods fervently.

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"They had some more advice, when I talked to the other humans earlier. But I think I might want to wait until the children are asleep to discuss it. I'm not completely sure when that should be."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Don't you just put them down to bed when you want a break from them?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, they have sleep schedules. They're supposed to, anyway, I'm not sure that I've been very consistent. When we're slow humans sleep once a day when it gets dark, but of course that doesn't work fast. The toddler will still be restless if he's put down too soon, and he'll get upset if he's been awake for too long."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. With fairy kids you can just do whenever, as long as it's not right after they woke up and as long as you don't try to keep them up endlessly or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think human children need a little more regularity. It's usually not so bad, I can usually put him down when I start feeling tired. But right now we're on very different schedules, so I suppose I may be worse at guessing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, maybe we can get the house done first."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah."

It's a nice little house. She likes it.

Permalink Mark Unread

He does too. He flops contentedly when they're done while she's putting the kids to bed.

Permalink Mark Unread

She tells them a story and kisses them goodnight.

Snuggles?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah.

Permalink Mark Unread

Eee.

 

"...the others thought we should talk about, uh... normally, when people get married, they have sex."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That makes sense. Normally when people like each other they have sex."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why did they think we should talk about this?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Because, uh - it seemed like, if I was worried about it, then - probably we should talk about that instead of just - doing it, the way people normally would. I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You said two days ago that you'd rather be blinded than have sex with me."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - well, right then, yeah, but that was under duress and also we weren't married. I don't - I was worried that if we did it under the most horrible conditions possible then I'd - never want to touch you again. And that would be upsetting. And I guess I was also worried that it was wrong and would ruin things some other way, if we did it without being married."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay? But it's still really bad for you, right?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well... it has been all the other times."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"What...did he try."

Permalink Mark Unread

She blushes. "I don't, um, know what's - useful to specify - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did you get off?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm... not sure I understand the question."

Permalink Mark Unread


"Gosh. Okay. I am - not totally sure I have words, here. Did it ever feel good when he touched you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...no?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did he do things that were supposed to feel good and they didn't work or was he not trying at all."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I did not really talk to him about this."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Have you ever touched yourself to make yourself feel good."

Permalink Mark Unread

"There are... ways you can hold yourself to feel less terrible when you're ill? But I - think that is not what you're talking about."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...no. I guess maybe it doesn't work for humans?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I think there are humans who do, uh... sometimes... touch themselves in ways that feel nice to them. I just... don't know very much about this. Personally."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay. I don't know how to ask more useful questions, I do not actually know if your anatomy is like fairy anatomy. There are half-fairies so there must be some compatibilities but that's not enough to get an answer actually."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod.

Permalink Mark Unread

"My plan is to not do things that are awful. If it turns out there are some things that are not awful we could do those."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I guess if we were married we could... attempt to find out. And... stop, if they were awful?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure, if you want to."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle.

 

 

"Are you going to be... disappointed, or upset, if it's - if it's always awful - ?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No? I am a little worried that if we promise to try to never have sex with any other people and then all the sex I have for the rest of my life is when someone insisted this would...hurt, or something. But maybe it'd be fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "Yeah. It's - kind of - I'd understand if you didn't think it was a reasonable thing to ask. Normally when people get married they take it for granted that they'll have sex with each other, so it's - less of a sacrifice, but - "

Permalink Mark Unread

"It might not bother me at all. I just think I should not promise without having really tried it. I know that some people recommend when you have a slave making sure they have sex that's nice for them sometimes so they don't just start feeling sad at the whole concept."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...huh."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Was gonna make it nice for you all the time, before I learned you didn't like it."

Permalink Mark Unread

...snuggle. Happy little hum.

Permalink Mark Unread

Kiss?

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh good!

Permalink Mark Unread

It is good.

 

"'S nice when you kiss me. I think."

Permalink Mark Unread

Kiss. "'s like half of what sex is anyway. Kissing more places."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mmmm. That sounds like it could be nice."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, if it's nice we'll do it. And if it's not we won't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

He can kiss more places in order to help check whether it is nice. Like her jaw! And her ear! And her neck!

Permalink Mark Unread

She gasps a little bit. That's very nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oooh! Very nice! That's even better than nice. In that case she should have lots of that. Also then she'll be back in his debt and he'll feel better about everything.

Permalink Mark Unread

Being back in his debt sounds pretty okay. Especially if he's going to do this. Gosh.

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's important to me. The debt. It means - people look at us and they won't know about the marriage, they wouldn't understand it if they did, but they'll know that you are mine and I give you lots of things and take good care of you -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mhmm. Very very good care."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And I like - if I'm not sure about a situation I'm never thinking 'well how do I work around whatever Cecelia's going to do', because, you're not, you're going to listen - I don't mind you getting to choose lots of things but it's important to me to know that if I do have to tell you to do something you'll do it if you can -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Mhmm. And I can, you know, without hurting myself, because - you don't tell me I have to do things unless they're important. So - I can know that it's important, every time."

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "I love you."

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle. "I love you too. So much."

Permalink Mark Unread

Permalink Mark Unread

Eeee. She's very lucky and very very happy.

Permalink Mark Unread

She spends the night - the time that people decide to sleep, anyway - in a little house with Imrainai and her sister. It's okay. They don't talk much. They still don't have plumbing, so they're still using chamber pots. Nobody breaks into the house and stabs her.

 

She's up six hours later by the pile of books again, sifting through volumes for more texts that she's about halfway to being able to read.

Permalink Mark Unread

He wanders the whole perimeter of the demiplane. Sees her, waves. Sees her again, comes over. Not very close. 

"- hi?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...hi."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is this okay? I can leave."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's okay. ...I was going to say 'it's a free country' and then I remembered we're not in America. But, uh, it's fine, I don't, like, own the book pile."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, I kind of can't read. - is that just me? I was hoping it was all of us. I just, uh, wanted your advice on something. If it was convenient."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. Although I don't know if I know anything very useful. Besides how to read."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think you probably know some things about Korva more than I do."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - oh. I guess that's possible."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I explained something badly, when we last talked, and I want to explain it better - I think it's just an explaining problem because she has been acting like I'm a bizarre space alien and I thought I was just complaining about how my home society works - but I don't know what I explained badly and it was about a sensitive subject so I'm worried if I bring it up she'd have to explain what upset her so much, and obviously I'm not entitled to that, just, if it was something I could fix I'd want to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Huh. Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

Helpless shrug.

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" - I don't, uh, really know what you were talking about. Or, well, she said you'd ended up talking about Osirian marriages, I guess, but I don't - I'm not sure if there was one specific thing."

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"There is a law that Osirian royalty can't marry women who've - been with a man before."

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"Oh. Huh."

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"It's not weird for Osirion but it - sucks for me personally. We were talking about why Osirion is like that and - I think she really doesn't think much of me now? And that's - fine if it's because of something I actually did -"

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"...I don't think she's mad at you," she says, sort of carefully.

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"No, see, when she's mad she snaps at me, that works fine."

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"Oh."

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Shrug.

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...she's really unsure what exactly happened between these two. Or, like, she feels like she knows everything about it except the last piece that'll make it make sense. (It's not that Hagan likes Korva, she has that piece.)

"I think..." She twiddles her thumbs. "I think - I think probably she was already kind of upset about some things about herself, and - maybe you inadvertently said something that reminded her of it. Maybe."

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Nod. "Okay."

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"Sorry. I just - maybe I could guess better if I'd heard the whole conversation, but - "

(She looks over her shoulder at the little house to make sure nobody's come out of it.)

" - you won't go telling other people, right? If I tell you something about her?"

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"Absolutely not."

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"Korva was sad about how she's never going to get married. Not even like she would definitely want to if she could, right, and not even for any specific reason, so you can point to it and say 'maybe someone won't care about that', just - a sense that she's never going to be able to offer the bare minimum that someone would need to want to marry her. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. And I don't know what you said. But I think it made her think about it, and - she's embarrassed about going off into the forest, but sometimes you gotta go off into a forest and cry about how empty most of the rest of your life is going to be, until you get over it. I guess."

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" - I really did not mean for her to take away from that conversation that no one would want to marry her."

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"No, it's not that. She just already thought so."

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- nod. "Thank you."

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"Mhmm. I dunno if it makes anything make any more sense. And, um - 

"I don't know how much you've been following, about how the people from different stories are like each other? But - all of the Imrainais had never wanted to be with anyone until sometime after they met their Connor-person. And Korva's the only one who still doesn't. So she still kind of thinks there's something wrong with her. - I'm not sure I should be telling you that, but - I don't really want to be responsible for one of those sitcom plots where someone could have said something and they didn't and so everyone wanders around pointlessly confused for days. I guess."

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"What...amount of time after they met their Connor-person."

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"The one from hell didn't have a crush until after she'd killed her kid, so that's minimum nine months, right? And I don't think she ever told him."

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Nod.

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"Anyway. I don't know if that helps or just makes everything weird. Sorry if it makes everything weird. - And don't tell everybody. It's just that she seemed sad and I don't think I can probably do anything about it, so I'm kind of hoping that something'll make more sense to you, now, I guess."

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"I won't tell anyone anything. I can't - I haven't told her anything because the religion thing is actually a dealbreaker and it seems cruel to say 'you know, aside from that' -"

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"Yeah.

"Maybe Elizabeth'll kill Asmodeus."

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"Here's hoping."

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"Anyway. That's basically what I know."

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Nod. "Thank you."

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"Mhmm."

She turns back to her book.

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He wanders off to pace the perimeter again.

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Elizabeth comes out of her yurt before Korva comes out of her house.

"Hey! Ready to try learning more things."

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Cool! He prepared a complement of spells entirely for practicing, today.

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Great! They can do that, then.

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Eventually Korva comes out of her house. She heads for the food stores. She eats a muffin.

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"Did you and your sister wanna join the fighting practice?"

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"...yeah, probably."

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"Cool." New range of exercises designed to make it not obvious he doesn't want to hit them.

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Pff. Okay, sure.

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When she's thrown off lots of spells she can head over to Hagan for fighting practice.

"Could Connor learn, too, if he wanted to? We have a spell now that would probably make it safe, although we don't want to test it until it's been a while."

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"Yeah, for sure! Also people who aren't Elizabeth should conceivably be trying for arcane magic, you're definitely all smart enough with the headbands and I suspect you were before that."

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"I guess with the headbands it's probably worth trying. Take a long time, but it looks like we're going to be here for a while."

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"And you don't have to be Mahdi for it to be really useful."

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"Yeah, I guess not. And I guess it is possible that Mahdi doesn't have that many better things to do than teach us."

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"I observe...none of them, actually. At least once I'm out of spells for Elizabeth."

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"You should maybe think about adding some more stuff for people to do, here, Elizabeth. But as long as there isn't, I'd appreciate an intro to wizardry, sure."

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"Plausibly I should also be doing this? If I'm going to stick around. That or watching my kids - you did leave them with someone, right, Elizabeth - "

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"The world's on fairy time right now. I think. So they should be fine."

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"Guess we can see if this works on humans not from wherever you guys are from, then."

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"I wanna try too!"

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"Sure, we can start tomorrow.

For more to do here - obviously you'd need to segregate this very thoroughly from the rest of the plane but if you add a Tyrannosaurus and a dire crocodile and a young white dragon and a greater water elemental - not all at once, preferably - Hagan and I can level and your magic might start giving you combat stuff."

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"The last time I tried to make a butterfly I got one that was dead. I guess that was before the better version of conjuring."

Butterfly?

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Not dead!

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"Woooooah. I still don't want to add anything very dangerous until I'm sure I can take it in a fight if anything goes wrong, but I should probably run more tests on this front. - aren't water elementals neutral and intelligent, I don't super want you guys killing water elementals."

Can she make a PARROT.

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Yes! It appears in midair and falls and makes a strangled sound.

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"Oh dear. Uh. May all in range of this spell be healed of all ills to mind and body?"

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Parrot flies off.

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"Oh. Well. It seems okay. - Connor, any ideas which other animals we should maybe make? We shouldn't make anything we're not going to be able to take care of, I just figure that the parrot can probably fend for itself in the rain forest. I am kind of curious whether I can make people but that seems pretty ethically dicey, especially if something goes wrong."

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"Little frogs, maybe? I don't know if it's nice to be a little frog. I think it's nice to be a parrot."

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"It's nice to be a snake. Though they eat other animals."

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"And frogs need insects. I guess I can make a lot of insects. I'm kind of curious what my limits are but I'm not sure there's anything smarter that I feel okay testing, parrots are already about as smart as animals get. I guess I could test if I could make any animals with magic powers. I'm not thinking of any off the top of my head. Maybe I could make a pegasus. I forget whether pegasi are people, though. Also Connor would have to take care of it if it couldn't just get by eating grass."

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"I could do that."

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"Do you wanna do it, though."

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"Well, it sounds kinda cool."

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"...does anyone have any compelling reasons why I should not make a pegasus."

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"It sounds kind of like making a baby after putting thirty seconds of thought into it. Except plausibly not a baby and actually something that is in many ways older than a baby. Not saying you shouldn't do it, but getting rid of people who are older than babies? Frowned upon, in most societies."

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"I guess this is true."

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"We wouldn't get rid of them!"

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"I'm just saying, if you get bored of the weird magically generated pegasus, you're gonna keep having a weird magically generated pegasus!"

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"I think I feel okay about this, given the size of the demiplane? A pegasus sounds like something we are probably equipped to handle. Especially if Connor's gonna look after it."

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"I only get bored of people when they're the human kind of people."

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"Okay."

Annnd... Pegasus?

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Yep.

 

Connor beams and then gentles his body language, somehow; it's kind of a striking change, all the moreso because Hagan does it too.

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Awww, they're adorable.

She... mindreads the pegasus in an attempt to determine whether it is a person pegasus.

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It sure is and it's kind of freaked out about all these people even though some of them look friendly and it's going to take off and fly into the forest now.

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"Okay. I think it's a person pegasus. I guess I can make people. That's kind of freaky."

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"I am very glad you have your spellbook instead of someone who is a bad person."

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"Yeah. That would be bad. I am definitely not the best person to have the spellbook, but at least I'm also not the worst."

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"I think she's okay. She was just startled to have so many people around. She'll be ready to meet us later."

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"That's good."

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Hagan smiles fondly at Connor.

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"Am I wrong?"

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"No! You were good to her. It was sweet to see. I mostly think of it as a knack for babies, not for animals, but I guess it's really both."

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"I think of it as more for animals but I didn't really interact with many babies until I started looking after Elizabeth's niece."

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"He's really good with her. She likes him a lot."

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Connor glows. 

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"You know, a demiplane is actually a great place to raise kids, if you are designing it with that in mind. You can have so much cool stuff that's not too dangerous."

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"I bet Zana'd like it here okay as is. And maybe more once it's bigger and has more areas to explore and stuff."

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"And Cecelia's kids'll and Valentine's will probably be here too, at some point. - we had some thoughts on Cecelia's kids, talking about it last night," he says, nodding at Fazil and Mahdi. "We should probably discuss that with her at some point."

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"What were you thinking?"

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"Cecelia said something to the effect that she expected them to be unhappy to be taken, because it'd mean losing their titles and standing and being taken away from the father who they love.

And that honestly strikes me as - a difficult situation? You really shouldn't take children away from their father. I understand that Scandinavia is such a society that they'll go to Hell, but it's still traumatizing to children, even if it's for their ultimate good, to lose their father and the life they were preparing for. But we have, you know, royalty here, of a stripe whose children don't go to Hell, and we were thinking whether there was any way to use that to get their father's agreement for them to depart and their satisfaction with the outcome."

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"This was not my original idea, my original idea was to show up and tell the emperor that we can trap his soul forever in a rock and drop it in the bottom of the sea if he doesn't tell Cecelia's children that he wants them to go with her."

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"The revised idea is that he show up and apply diplomatic pressure on Scandinavia to stop the wars of expansion and negotiate permission for Cecelia's marriage and for the children to be raised with her and taught Golarion's magic, and drop souls in the ocean only if this can't be worked out like civilized people."

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"I guess that might work.

" - oh gosh, she's from an Earth that's in 1032. They don't have vaccines there. I should plausibly be doing a bunch of cleanup for them before I get around to fixing your world, I bet hers has more metaphorical low-hanging fruit."

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"Do we know their afterlife situation?"

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"We do not. She's a Christian, right now, but so was I."

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"You could resurrect someone from her world who's been dead and they can tell you what their afterlife situation was?"

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"Oh yeah."

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"She said she had a dead sister. Like the rest of us."

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"All right. One dead sister."

She conjures a finger and a ring of three wishes, and -

This wish actually doesn't seem to do anything.

"Huh. Didn't work."

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" - wow."

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"If you can make new people from scratch you ought to be able to make people from the moment of death, even if they don't get any afterlife."

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"That's true. I think. Okay. One copy of Cecilia's dead sister, a minute before she died."

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And here's a sister.

She looks around until she sees Asmodia and Korva.

"...what the fuck."

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"Hi! Do you have a sister named - I guess she actually wouldn't be named Cecelia. Uh. Sorry. I'm Elizabeth. We were investigating your world's afterlife system and then realized that we couldn't resurrect you and so we made a copy of you even though this didn't give us a lot of experimental data other than establishing that I could make copies of people. Possibly I should have thought about this for more than five seconds. None of us are going to hurt you."

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".......okay."

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"It's nice to meet you."

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"Yeah. Hi. Are you Scandinavian. You don't look it but it's hard to tell, these days."

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"I am not. I'm Hagan. Do you want someone to take you to your sister?"

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" - right, you said she's here. Is he here, the Emperor - is he dead yet - "

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"He's not here. We have no reason to believe he's dead."

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She sits down in the grass. "And the kids?"

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" - whose? Your sister's two youngest are here."

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"God."

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"...sorry?"

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"I'd like to see my sister, yeah."

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- he looks at Korva and Valentine. "- do either of you want to come along with me to take her to her sister?"

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"...I'll come, yeah."

And she can take them towards the little house in the rainforest.

"Should we - be explaining anything about - "

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"I think so. Uh, your sister was - the emperor kept her for, I think, ten years. Maybe twelve."

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"Should've killed him better when I had the chance. How is she now."

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"She ran into a fairy. I don't know if you knew that there were fairies. They live in the forests, apparently, and can get really small, and are subject to complicated magical rules about lying and sharing your true name and doing violence. She introduced herself as Cecelia, and you should use a chosen name, too."

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"...okay. Uh, Tiffany. What happened with the fairies - "

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"He, uh, stole her away with him, and her youngest children too, and they made plans to go back for the other ones. She says she loves him and is happy, and he says he means to marry her. We're not - completely sure everything is okay, and it's hard to talk to them because the fairy rules about lying are very strict, they include metaphors, and sarcasm, and some turns of phrase, and they both get hurt if people slip up. But she's living with him and she was happy last time we talked."

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Well this is a weird and horrible future to have woken up to. Not really more horrible than expected, really, but a whole lot weirder. Probably has her under a magic fairy spell or something.

"Okay."

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"I think if you are very careful about not lying you are probably the best person to talk to her and help her if she needs help. But we can get the kids, we have a place for her to stay, we'll help her raise them, we can make sure there's an alternative if she needs it."

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"I see. And who're you?"

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"The full answer to that would sound even more ridiculous. 'm from a distant magical land and I and my friends are teaching the people here magic and self-defense so that Elizabeth, who resurrected you, doesn't get herself killed."

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Well, she has approximately no reason to trust any of these people.

"I see."

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"The house is over here."

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Well, that's a very small house.

" - what do you do, just, yell hello and hope the fairies come out - "

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"Yeah. We should maybe leave, I think the fairy's mad at us for lying earlier."

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"What'd you lie about?"

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"Said something sarcastic."

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"I see."

She waits for them to head off a ways.

"Hey," she says. "You in there, fairy?"

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"Ugh," he says to Cecelia. "What now -

 

I don't recognize this person."

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She looks out.

She's seen Korva's sister before, and knows how close the resemblance to her own is, but this person is dressed exactly like her sister - dressed exactly like her sister was the day she died, actually - 

" - are you - "

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"They said not to use names. But yeah. I guess it's been ten years. You look about ten years older."

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"I thought - did they pull you out of heaven - "

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"No. Pulled me out of my execution. I'm not very sure what's going on, it only happened a few minutes ago."

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"It's my sister," she tells Rana. "The one he killed."

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" - huh. Okay. Do you want to talk with her?"

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"I - yeah."

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"Should we invite her in here or do you want to go be big and wander off and talk with her? I guess if she lies it's better if I don't hear her."

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"Yeah. I'll go out and explain the rules to her, I think."

Hug?

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Hug.

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Then she can go off and take a walk with her sister, and explain the fairy rules and everything that's happened.

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And she and Hagan walk out of the forest.

"You think they'll be okay?"

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"I don't know for sure but I feel like her sister might be better able to look out for her than us. Or differently able, at least."

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"Yeah. That makes sense."

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"Thank you for coming with us."

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"Well, I remembered where the house was. And I worry about her. Maybe less than before, but still."

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"Yeah."

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"Hopefully the sister'll be good for her. Mine's good for me. I think."

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"She seems good for you."

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"Yeah.

"She died when I was sixteen. I'd been living with her for a while before that. Didn't get along very well with our parents. For a while things were really good. And then she was gone, and - they weren't, really."

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"I'm so sorry."

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"I mean, she's back now. But - it might be important to our development as people, or something, if she always dies."

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"Maybe. - though it could just be the kind of person she is? She sounds like the kind of person who might get herself killed pretty reliably."

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"This is also very possible."

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"I think Alex said his you has an alive sister."

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"Huh. I guess that me died pretty young, though."

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"Yeah. Might've thrown off whatever mysterious force means your sister usually dies and my brother usually ends up in power and whatever-else repeats itself."

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"Yeah. We should maybe sit down and see what other patterns repeat themselves, at some point, now that people are threatening to kill each other a little less."

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"That sounds good.

I'm also curious if this is all of us, or just the first ones Elizabeth found, or what."

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"Yeah. For that I guess we'd have to ask Elizabeth."

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"Yeah. - possibly staying with Elizabeth and talking to her about her person-creating habits would've been smarter, oops."

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"Yeah, she is being... really careless with it. But Cecelia's sister really needed to be brought somewhere better, too. Can't babysit all of the people at once, even if Elizabeth doesn't create any more."

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"You sure you can't? You've pretty much got them covered so far."

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"...well, I'm trying. But I should probably not assume that they couldn't make terrible decisions if they were really set on it. Don't wanna be surprised about it."

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"I think there's, hmm, a 10% chance that Elizabeth will make Valentine a me. I bet she's at least considered it."

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" - oh gosh. That sounds like a horrible idea. - no offense."

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"No, I agree. I am - withholding judgment on their arrangement but I don't think it represents the general form of a good relationship for instances of me or you. And if she makes him for that purpose and then Valentine doesn't want him he'll be so crushed."

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"We should probably point out to her that Valentine is the person on this plane who is most insistent about noting that slavery is bad every time it comes up, then."

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"Also I'm unclear on Valentine's religion but it sounds like it might be an incompatible one?"

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"Haven't gotten a read on that. I think she's - less certain that devils are going to win in general, than I am. Maybe as certain that they're going to win her."

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"Then that's probably a less compelling objection."

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"Could be wrong. I haven't talked to her about it extensively. She's still half-sure her masters are going to pull her back if they're unpaused, though."

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"It's not the - as long as she would try to make sure her kids didn't go to Hell it wouldn't be a problem.

- for this hypothetical relationship which probably Elizabeth will know better than to attempt to make happen."

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"I don't go out of my way to get my kids there."

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"- I'm sorry. Every time I talk to you I end up sounding - closed-minded and cruel and - I respect you. As a person. But even if I could escape from Osirion's rules I couldn't - you're a good parent, you're great with her, it's one of the first things I noticed about you, I'm not trying to say -"

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" - didn't mean to sound upset. I'm not. Just - I think it's very unlikely she's trying to send her kids to hell."

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Nod.

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"I am kind of worried that I keep sounding more upset than I am. It might be habit, or something."

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"I think I'm probably just paranoid. Because I definitely - think I said something that really bothered you, a while ago, when we were talking about Osirion, and I just don't wanna do that again."

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"It wasn't a big a deal. Or, like - if it was I really wish it would stop."

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"'s none of my business."

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"If there were a thing to say that would explain it then I would. There - isn't, really.

 

"I guess maybe your country's gendered double standards are kind of infuriating. Insofar as I find things infuriating."

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"Yeah. I don't - have actual political power? I guess it is fair to say I should've tried for it."

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"I'm not mad at you about it. Just -  nebulously infuriated at forces I don't understand and might be more or less annoyed at if I did."

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Snort. "Story of my life."

 

Has Elizabeth made any ill-advised people while they were out.

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Nope! 

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Oh good.

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But she is thinking about it! At Connor. She's holding his hand.

 

She's preeeetty sure she shouldn't make a bunch more people without thinking a lot harder about how to responsibly make people, but she is in fact aware of the possibility of trying to custom-make a Connor for Valentine, even though this is a terrible idea.

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Oh gosh that's a terrible idea but then Valentine would have a him and that would be great. 

- he's not totally sure if you can make a him without his family. It feels like they wouldn't totally be a him, somehow.

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That makes sense. It would also be super weird to make a him who didn't have memories, and she is not really sure how you'd make someone with fake memories. And if she copied one of him then that one would like their Imrainai, not Valentine.

(Has she mentioned that this is a terrible idea. Probably the worst idea ever. Maybe not literally but, like, up there.)

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It would make everyone freak out probably. But - the him would like existing. Hims usually do if you don't make them go to school. It doesn't seem like it could actually be wrong to make people who'll be happy about existing.

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Well, it could make everyone else really upset, yeah. It could especially make Valentine really upset, if they tried to make a him for Valentine and messed it up somehow. There are probably a lot of ways to mess up making a person, and the process is kind of permanent.

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- yeah she might be upset. Even if he was perfect for her she might be upset actually.

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She does in fact keep bringing up her moral objections to slavery. It seems like the kind of thing that would probably freak her out.

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Well he wouldn't have to be her slave. He could be her ...knight.

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It'd still be kind of surprising and upsetting, probably.

(She's really glad she knighted him. Knight is a much nicer sounding word than slave. And she feels like it's better at communicating what he is, probably.)

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He's glad she's glad. He likes both, honestly. But he can see the argument that he should've told Hagan to be Korva's knight instead of to be her slave.

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She does feel like that would have made Hagan less defensive about it, yeah. Most people don't like hearing that they should be slaves. Knights are a much less upsetting thing to be, for most humans, probably. But Connor can go on being both, then.

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He will! And he'll be so happy!

 


If they could find one for Valentine that might be less screwed-up than making one?

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...yeah, maybe. She has no particular reason to believe that these are the only versions of her or of him that exist. Maybe there are lots more, and maybe lots of them are lonely. Although she would be really worried about whether they would like each other if she didn't feel like they were, like, fated. Although maybe they could look for other Connors and other Karens without being, like, obvious about the fact that they were looking for someone for Valentine, even though it would probably be kiiiind of obvious.

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Would it though, none of their alternate universe versions seem to understand why it is very important that hers have hims.

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Really? Hagan doesn't, but do the others not either?

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Well they don't act very much like it?

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How would they act if they knew? Like - Alex seems to know that he's important for his Karen. Although that one's kind of weird because he has to help her recover from hell.

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Yeah but he doesn't seem to think this is generally true just that it's true for him.

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Ohhh. Yeah, maybe they haven't seen the general principle.

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So it won't occur to them that they're looking for hims for Valentine. 

 

What would make a him the perfect him for Valentine.

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She's not sure! Probably they should know more about Valentine. She's really scared of lots of stuff, so probably someone who can make her feel safe. And she has kids so he has to be good with kids. - oh wait that's true of all of him. She needs to think of things that are true of Valentine but not true of the other hers, and then she can think of what would have to be true of the him, maybe?

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Yeah. Since they'll all, like, be good to her Connor and Zana and all love her and like stories and stuff. 

Valentine doesn't like herself very much? But Karen didn't, either, before she had him.

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Yeah. And neither does Korva. Maybe hers who don't know that their Connors like them just don't like themselves very much.

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That's why they gotta get Valentine one. And get Korva to like hers but probably that'll happen with time. Hers is objectively cooler than him or the full fairy so.

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Awww, Connor's very cool. She guesses so is Hagan. Maybe she just means that being objectively cool is maybe not very important for Karens liking people. She's kind of unclear which things are. She's never liked anyone before and when she thinks about why she likes him she just ends up listing like all of traits.

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Hagan is a high-level adventurer from Pathfinder and carries a bow and a quiver full of arrows in different metals and has an animal companion and met Korva when he saved her niece from evil cultists and is, like, a grownup and stuff.

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Well, yeah, but she didn't want a Pathfinder adventurer with lots of arrows and an animal companion. She needed someone who would be able to watch her niece all day and help her explore the catacombs and hang around helping her do chores and pay for groceries for however many months that it took her to realize that she was in love with him. Also if he was a grownup that would have been really weird.

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Okay that's true. But still, like, he's super cool.

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Yeah Hagan is pretty cool. Honestly maybe he's too cool. Hopefully Korva doesn't think he's out of her league.

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The royalty thing seems bad. Like, bad for him and also bad for Korva being interested in him. The perfect him for Korva is probably, like, an escaped slave or something and is definitely not royalty.

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Yeah. It helps that he doesn't seem to want to be royalty, though. If he really liked being royalty that would be kind of weird.

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Why would anyone want to be royalty. It sounds like unrelenting torture.

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Yeah. It kind of does. She would kiss him right now but they're not in private and Fazil and Mahdi might have heart attacks.

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That sounds like a them problem.

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But it's meeeean and she's kind of a little embarrassed about people thinking she has no sense of decency.

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She could conjure a silk tent around them right now and then no one will see anything but also they could kiss right now.

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Okay, but they would know that they were probably kissing or something?

She kisses his cheek and feels vaguely apologetic for being embarrassed.

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Yes the thing where they know but can't actually accuse them of indecency is the whole point. But it's fine. She should only kiss him when she wants to, she doesn't need to feel bad about anything.

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Eee. Okay. She'll make sure to do that, then. He's very good.

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So is she.

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Eeeee.

 

- right okay they were supposed to be thinking about Valentine. And what a good Connor for Valentine is like. Maybe they need to know more about this.

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Probably they should do reconnaissance. By asking Valentine things.

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Oh yeah. Probably. Should she ask Valentine things? Or should he ask Valentine things? Should they get Matt to ask Valentine things?

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Matt already did! Maybe they could ask Matt for Valentine insights.

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Oh right! Probably not in front of Valentine, though.

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Well they've just been standing here telepathying at each other for a while and should maybe leave before it gets weird.

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Yeah. They should maybe do that. 

 

"....okay! Well. I am maybe going to take a break. Everybody be nice to the pegasus if it comes back."

And... where exactly is Matt?

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Hanging out talking telepathically with Alex.

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Oh. Valid.

"Hi. ...we had some questions but they're kind of silly so if now's a bad time I can come back later."

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"Hmm? No, I'm not doing anything important except being around if you need me."

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"Oh, okay. We were wondering if you had any ideas about, uh, what might be good for Valentine."

(Nooo she is not going to say out loud with her mouth parts that she was specifically wondering this in the context of how they might find a Connor from another universe to fall in love with her.)

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"I think it'd be good for her to be in a situation where she could do...unambiguously good things. Help people. Maybe she can learn some magic from Mahdi and then find herself in some situation where being able to cast prestidigitation all the time makes her really helpful. An orphanage, or something."

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"That makes sense."

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"I don't think she's looking for a boyfriend at all but if there's one, like, running the orphanage and badly in need of prestidigitation yet trivially capable of escaping with her if Wolfram and Hart show up, that might do. Maybe he has orphanage-teleportation powers and recently pulled it out of a civil war? I don't know how many degrees of freedom you have here."

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" - I don't really know either. I figured we could try looking at pulling some other alternates here like we did the others, and if none of them got along at all then it wouldn't be that obvious that we'd been looking for one and nobody would be much worse off."

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"That's fair enough. Maybe you can send people on expeditions to meet the alts and ask their permission to be pulled here. Both because this seems friendlier than kidnapping and because you can send them with the people you want them interacting with or whatever."

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"That's true, I could probably manage that. Valentine's a bit of a weird pick but I guess it's at least true that she isn't doing much."

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"And would probably benefit from being useful. Even if she'd also be terrified."

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"Pretty sure useful but terrified beats useless and ...slightly less terrified. I should probably send someone else with her, though."

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"The obvious person to send on tracking-down-new-Connors missions is Hagan. With the tracking skills and the being a Connor and not a fairy and not singlemindedly devoted to helping the one from Hell."

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"That makes sense. Thanks."

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"I don't actually know if that was helpful! But sure, any time."

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So one problem is that she cannot, actually, currently, get much of any information about alt targets before pulling them, which makes it pretty hard to pick particularly good targets. She can get locations, though, or at least enough of a sense of a location that she thinks she should be able to send someone to them.

After a while of playing around with her materials, she heads back to the group. 

"I was thinking of maybe trying to contact some more me's and some more Connors. Without kidnapping anybody, this time. We're probably capable of sending away parties to explain the situation and get advance consent now. Anybody have any compelling arguments for not trying to contact any new people?"

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"I mean, the main reason not to would be that they might be dangerous. But maybe we'd notice that if we can scout in advance."

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"We could probably scry them?"

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"Oh, yeah, you can just make it rain crystal balls. Never mind."

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"I can in fact do this!" She didn't think of it until just now but nobody has to know that.

Here's a crystal ball. She attempts to scry the dimension she's pinpointed. Supposed to have a Connor and an Imrainai. She checks on the Connor.

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He is flying! On a winged reptile of some kind, low over the ground of a stunning mountain valley of some kind. There's a very large dog keeping pace with the winged reptile.

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"Huh. - I don't actually know how we'd tell if he was dangerous."

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"He looks like he's having a lot of fun."

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"He does! I think really dangerous concerning people can also fly pteranodons, or whatever that is, though. We could try detecting alignment on him? - I can just make a wand."

Wand of detect alignment. She has no idea what her caster level is but she can try detecting his alignment anyway.

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Lawful good. 

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" ...what."

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"...well I wanna meet him. Uh, I could go myself but I actually kind of want to spend some time seeing if I can figure out how to give the houses indoor plumbing. I could send you and Valentine to explain?"

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" - me?"

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"You look kind of like you could use something to do. Only if you're not busy."

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"...I'm not busy."

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He makes a face at Elizabeth. "I suspect a secret conspiracy to make me get over my upbringing."

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"There is no secret conspiracy to make you get over your upbringing," says Matt. "There is a not very secret conspiracy to get people doing useful things instead of pacing and moping."

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" - well. Guess you can't argue with a fairy."

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"I'm fine going, then."

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"Cool. I'll send you guys out and then bring you back in a bit. Anything you wanna bring with you?"

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"Ring of three teleports? In case we get into trouble."

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"Sure." And here is a ring of three teleports. ...also some rings that do comprehend languages, and a wand of tongues, in case the languages don't match up to any they know.

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"Okay. Do fetch us promptly if we die."

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"I will, don't worry."

And she sends them off.

She makes herself a book about plumbing. And then she looks at her wand.

"Wonder what the rest of us read as," she says, and detects alignment on herself.

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Chaotic Good.

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She can live with that. What is.... Connor. What's Matt. What are Fazil and Mahdi. What are Alex and the Karen from Hell. What are Hagan's dad and Connor's dad. What's Korva. What's Korva's sister - oh right, chaotic neutral, they knew that one. What's Azalea.

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Connor doesn't ping. Matt doesn't ping. Fazil is Lawful Good and Mahdi is Lawful Neutral. Alex is Chaotic Neutral and the Karen from Hell is Chaotic Good. Hagan's father is Lawful Neutral and Connor's dad doesn't ping. Korva doesn't ping. Azalea doesn't ping.

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Well, that was slightly less fun than expected but she did learn some things from it. 

She settles in to learn about plumbing.

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They land in mountain valley world.

 

It's astonishingly beautiful. Like, all mountain valleys are picturesque but this one's really surpassing it.

"....I am actually kind of wondering if this is Elysium."

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"I thought Korva said Elysium was the Chaotic Good afterlife."

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" - right. Okay. I guess it can't be, then. Just some place that matches the description?"

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"I guess so.

"How do we... contact him."

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"Uh the first thing that comes to mind, which may be somewhat dumb, is yell "hi there!"."

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"I guess we could do that."

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"I am also up for less dumb suggestions."

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"I don't know that I have any."

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"Okay.


HEY DUDE WE ARE OVER HERE!"

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He turns his dinosaur around. It and he and the giant dog bound towards them. The dinosaur is actually really big, up close.

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Wow.

"Hi," she says. She is pretty sure this is the lamest thing it is possible to say but it's really hard to think of anything else.

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"Hi! How did you get here, I didn't see you coming at all."

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"Yeah. Uh. We, uh, sort of teleported, I guess? We're, uh - we were sent here by Diamond Queen Elizabeth the Tenth to see who you were and, uh, ask if you wanted to meet any alternate universe versions of yourself, I guess."

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He slides down off the dinosaur and lands gracefully on his feet. " - teleported? People can teleport now? - what kind of queen are we talking, is this a dress up fancy queen or a 'well we had to put someone in charge' sort of queen."

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"Uh, she's a teenager and she doesn't dress up any fancier than anyone else - apart from the magic items but most of them look sort of silly - and she's going by Diamond Queen Elizabeth X because she asked her version of you to come up with a name for her and that's what he picked. She does have a personal demiplane and she's working on being able to kill evil gods. I think."

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"Man, I have not been paying enough attention to stuff. Uh, why me in particular?"

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"Um, well, she knows an alternate universe version of you and - I guess she - trusts him - and feels like you're a better entry point to other dimensions than picking up random people. I guess."

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"What's with the alternate universe versions thing -"

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"It's kind of really confusing? Apparently there are alternate universes and some of them have people who are very like each other in them, but in, like, somewhat different circumstances because they're in a different universe. I'm an alternate universe version of Diamond Queen Elizabeth and this is an alternate universe version of - you, I guess."

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" - wow. Uh, hi."

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"Hi. I'm Hagan. I'm from a place called Osirion."

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"Are we gonna have, like, those cities from science fiction that have portals to other universes everywhere so you can accidentally take the train and end up not just on another planet but in a mirror universe where everyone is the opposite gender and speaks in verse?"

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"I don't think we have stories about that. Axis is full of portals, though. Axis isn't where I'm from but it's the city most people in Osirion go to when they die."

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"We go to Valinor when we die. Can't pick anything else to go to when we die, yet, but Mandos says he's working on it. - Mandos is our god of the dead."

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"Ours is called Pharasma. How is Mandos at his job?"

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"I mean, doing his best? It's not great to have it all bottlenecked on one person but he is trying really hard to fix that and then planets can do their own resurrections."

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"Does he, like, send some people to Hell?"

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" - to what?"

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"Uh, you might not have the concept. In some places bad people are sent to a plane where they're tortured. I was wondering if this was one of those places."

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"What the fuck? No. You just - come back to life and then can catch a ship back out to whatever you were doing when you got yourself killed. Do you guys need...help, or anything."

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"Maybe? Elizabeth's working on it but she's kind of.... I think she's trying very hard but she's sort of, uh, new, at having lots of power."

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"Okay, so, like, there's no ship here because they're expensive and we don't have tons of them, but one'll be around in six months if Huan doesn't get them word it needs to be faster - and then the Valar can go fix it up." He turns to his dog. "Can you let them know we need it sooner than that."

His dog barks vehemently.

"Great. Okay. Five days, then, maybe six."

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"I think Elizabeth was going to pick us up sooner than that. And you, if you wanted to come back and meet everyone."

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"I dunno who all everyone is and I'm not opposed but this sounds.... way above me, honestly? If you've got a crazy god of the dead who tortures people to improve them before he puts them back then you don't need me you need the Valar."

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"...I don't think it's to improve them. I think people in hell just sort of get tortured forever."

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"Oh. Okay. That sort of thing."

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"You had something like that here?"

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"There was an evil god. Long before my time. He tortured unfathomable numbers of people and the Valar went to war with him and stopped him and imprisoned him."

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"That seems promising."

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"Yeah. So they'll do that. I kinda - want to make sure they get the message before I go to any parties."

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"I think Elizabeth can improve on five days, if you come back with us. And it's not really a party, it's, like, a group of people from various worlds who are all hanging out in her demiplane while she attempts to figure out how to solve all of the problems on all of them. I guess."

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" - and you want me?"

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"Well. She does. She's really new at this and likes talking things through with people who are sort of familiar, I think."

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"Okay. You gotta take Huan too."

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"Okay. I think she can do that now. Huan is the dog?"

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"Yes. He's also a Maia. They're a kind of god but - less than the Valar."

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" - oh. Gosh."

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"He's not a very interventionist god. That's why he likes being a dog." He pats him. "And you're supposed to treat him as a dog."

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"Oh. Okay. I guess."

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"It makes more sense when you've met more Maiar."

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"I'll take your word for it. I just, uh, don't really want to go around offending gods. Hopefully if he's trying to be a dog he doesn't take offense very easily."

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"Not at all." Scritch scritch. "If you tried to kill me he'd try to stop you, I guess?"

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"I'm pretty sure I can avoid trying to kill you."

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"I am a couple thousand years old and I have never tried to kill anybody."

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"Gosh. I think some of the other me's have, but I haven't. - well. Not personally. I probably shouldn't go saying things like that."

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"Hmmmm?"

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" - um, I've just helped some people do some bad things, and I'm not entirely sure what all of the bad things I've helped with were. But a lot of them were really bad. I'm trying not to do bad things right now."

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" - okay. Does that take a lot of trying? I haven't really met people who had doing bad things as an option."

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" - I don't even know what that means."

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"Well, see, if you wanted to do a bad thing here, what would you even do?"

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"I could, like, punch you in the face. Or come up with something mean to say. Or tell Hagan to shoot your dog, although since he's a god I assume it would not work out very well for us."

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"I guess? Do you, like, find it difficult not to do those things."

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"No! It, uh - it is easy to be a saint in paradise," she murmurs. "I am not from paradise. And it's harder not to do any bad things, I think, the worse the situation you're in is."

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"Oooh! That's a good phrase for it. Well. This is paradise. So it's easy to be a saint."

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"Well. That's good, I guess. I'm happy for you."

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"Thank you!"

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"This you is really happy," she observes to Hagan.

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"Yeah. What do you, uh, do with your time," he asks him.

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"Map out new planets after they've been terraformed! Other people like knowing what's where. I dunno why. Ruins the surprise."

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"Probably helps to avoid getting lost and starving to death."

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"All the new planets have Valian ecology, can't starve to death yet. In another couple decades, probably, if people are really into that."

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" - people are mostly not really into that, in my experience."

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"Then maybe those planets will be super unpopular and only like five people who really want to win the tragic poetry contests will live on them."

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"You can just - terraform new planets for five people?"

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"I mean, you can put in a request, and then those get fulfilled in order of how many people say they'd live there, with some adjustments for scientific or artistic merit, so you'd probably be on a long waiting list if only five people wanted to live there."

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"I think it's probably good that Elizabeth had us contact this place," she tells Hagan. "I'm not sure we have anything to offer them. - teleportation, I guess. Maybe some other magic."

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"We do not have teleportation! It'll be pretty cool! But also you don't need to offer us something, we're not gonna let your evil gods torture people if they happen to not have cool presents for us."

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"Oh. That's cool of you. It just seems like it'd be a lot of effort for you to not get anything at all for it."

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"Well, we'd be getting the people. Who were not being tortured by evil gods."

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"Getting them in what sense."

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"They'd be living their lives instead of being tortured. I feel like that's a pretty good reward in itself!"

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"Yeah but would they like...belong to you or anything. Since you went to the trouble."

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"...what?"

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" - uh, two of the worlds we encountered have fairies who are able to magically enslave other people by doing favors for them. So it seems like a thing we should double-check. - we're not fairies. We're just trying to be, uh, considerate."

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"No magic slavery. Just like, the thing where when someone is hurt and then they feel better you're happy about it."

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"Oh, okay, cool. - one of the you's is a fairy slave owner and one of them is a slave, so, uh, it seemed prudent to bring it up."

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"Geez. Uh, if people wanna resettle here it doesn't have any laws yet but we can copy them over from somewhere that worked fine, which will definitely mean no slavery."

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"I think that doesn't help this specific problem? Fairy slavery is magic, it works because if you become indebted to a fairy then the universe punishes you for defending yourself against them if they attack you."

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" - wow. And living on a different planet from them doesn't solve it?"

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"I guess that would prevent them from directly hurting their slaves. They would still have to deal with the thing where if they tell any lies it hurts both them and the fairy they're entangled with. - to be clear, all of the fairy slaves we have on the demiplane seem to be okay with it, but I'm not sure whether that's because they think they don't have better options, and I assume it's not true of all fairy slaves."

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" - I'm super not one of the people who solves these things but I guess I'd make a planet where lying is impossible? Or as many of them as needed to keep everyone separated who wanted to be separated."

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" - I guess if that was possible it would be good, although it sounds pretty impossible? Uh - anyway I think the fairy slavery is lower down on the priority list than destroying hell. And probably also below giving vaccines out to one of the worlds that has fairy slavery so that people there stop dying of easily preventable diseases."

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"Wow. Yeah, those all sound like good things to do."

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"We're kind of busy. Luckily all of the dimensions with problems are paused except for Queen Elizabeth's. I think."

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"Oh good. Okay. We do better when we're not in a hurry."

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"That makes sense. I think lots of people do."

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"When're you expecting your queen to pick us up? Do I have to bow and stuff?"

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"You do not have to bow. Um, she didn't actually give us a specific time, she just said 'in a bit'. - Do we have a way to contact her?" she asks Hagan.

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He shakes his head. 

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"It's fine, I'm not in a hurry. I can do more research." He breaks the tip off a piece of grass and starts eating it.

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"....is it any good?"

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"Kinda bland. I think they're overcorrecting for the time they made all grasses too tart."

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"Where I am from all of the grass is super inedible unless you're, like, a cow."

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“Endorë’s like that too but most people prefer the thing where you can eat whatever’s around in a pinch so all the new planets have Valian ecology, where everything’s edible.”

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"Huh."

- and she and Hagan are back.

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"Did he say yes?"

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"He said he's okay meeting everybody, yeah."

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"Cool!" And here's a Lawful Good Connor-person.

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He looks around at everyone.

”Uh, hi.”

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Various people wave.

"Hi! Don't use your real name, otherwise you can't interact with full fairies. Also if you murder anybody you have to go home immediately. This is currently our only law but don't be a jerk to anyone. Welcome to the demiplane."

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He glances around. He stares at Alex in particular for a bit.

Wait a second, if there’s already a me of the right species here why haven’t the Valar already fixed this?

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Why the fuck would the Valar fix this?

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People are apparently being tortured! 

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Gee, you don’t say! Are your Valar far more interested in doing things about that than mine?

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I think they are a totally normal amount of interested in that! Which is to say that they will fix it immediately or evacuate the relevant planets first or whatever.

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Lemme tell you what happened in my world.

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The new Connor stands there staring off into space. After a few minutes his dog bounds off to go lick Alex, who for some reason starts crying about this.

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Awwww. Good giant dog.

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She asks Valentine some questions, quietly, and then turns back to everyone else.

"So, uh, did we want to go get this world's Imrainai, too? Probably worth having both. I guess we ought to scry her, just as good a chance that me's are dangerous as that Connors are. Although this seems like a pretty safe world."

She uses her crystal ball again.

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Different face than the other Imrainais. She's sitting on a bed and hugging herself and looking fairly unhappy. There's a person who looks like Connor's father in the room with her.

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Can she detect alignment?

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Neutral Good.

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"She pings neutral good. - uh, new Connor-type-person, do you know her, should we be sending you to talk to her?"

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"I'm pretty sure we don't even have that species, actually? I don't know how she knows my - I do know how she knows my dad, she's from some other world like you all and so he can pump her for languages. But I've never met her."

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"Huh. Well, if she is with your dad right now, do you want to, like, go there and ask them if they'd like to come here so we can fill them in? And if so should we send anybody with you?"

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He glances at Huan. Alex is crying into Huan's fur now. 

"I guess probably one of you should come, to explain the 'alternate universe yous' thing?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Uh... Valentine, Hagan?"

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"I can go if you think it'll help."

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"I'm not sure I'm adding much to this."

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"Kay. Sending you with the new guy, Valentine, we'll get you back in a bit."

She zaps them both with a wand of tongues again and sends them on their way.

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- wow okay that was not much warning and here she is in this girl's bedroom.

" - hi."

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"Did you want that to happen," he asks Imrainai.

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" - I don't think I wanted that to happen at all."

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"Oh good!"

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" - um. Hi. Who - are you?"

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"I'm Valentine. Um - I was sent here by Diamond Queen Elizabeth X to ask if you wanted to come to her personal demiplane to meet a bunch of alternate universe versions of yourself. Also of this person, but that's probably less exciting because apparently you don't know each other."

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He is talking telepathically with his father but nods vaguely in her direction.

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"I - don't really know what that means but I think I'm supposed to be trying to figure out how my powers work so I can save a bunch of people."

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"...well, if you came back with us then time would be paused here, so you'd have lots of time to figure them out."

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"...I think I am moderately concerned about how the powers might or might not be determining what I want."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - I'm a fan of the 'pause time' thing because it sounds like there are like eighty ongoing moral emergencies and if time is paused then you don't have to deal with any of them."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Definitely tempting. Honestly - very close to the thing I was wishing for, except, like, the wish was half-formed and mostly unendorsed, if very strong, and having it granted via the sudden appearance of an obviously extremely powerful Liar who I have never met or suspected the existence of is kind of terrifying in its implications."

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“You think you summoned into existence an interdenominational coalition of powerful magic humans who were planning to freeze time in your dimension?”

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"I mean I don't know? It's just a really weird thing to have happen at exactly this point in time? And - maybe they already existed but I got them to come here, or something. Why - did you guys have a reason for coming?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Um. Curiosity?"

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" - I'm just saying that's really suspicious."

Permalink Mark Unread

“Huh! I’m going to try to reassimilate that fork since it knows it’s not real now, this didn’t happen to it.”

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Nodnod.

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"....so do you want to come?"

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"I - don't object to meeting a magical coalition of myself unless you're secretly planning to torture or kill me or do something else horrible, in which case I would think that my consent wouldn't matter very much, except that I guess it does, because I am in theory capable of making anyone do anything I want. I have no idea whether that includes conditionals."

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"...why are you under the impression that you can do that."

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"I spoke to a god a few hours ago and that's what he said."

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"...huh."

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“She can,” he tells Valentine. “My father explained the whole thing and she can.”

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Well that's sort of terrifying. "And you don't know whether you're doing it?"

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"No."

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"Okay. I think I will talk to some people and ask them if they're okay with you coming to the demiplane, given that. As soon as Elizabeth picks me up. But I'll tell them you want to come and pause time."

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Nodnod.

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"Do you want a hug?" he asks the evidently terrified human who Eru just gave mind-control powers.

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" - yes. I'm - trying not to want very many things but yes."

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Hug. "If we somehow later manage to magically determine that I gave you a hug because of your wanting-powers I will not be bothered about this."

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"Well I wouldn't want you to be."

But she accepts a hug.

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"I think your friends also had something they wanted to tell you once you'd talked to Eru."

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"Okay. - I should talk to them but - I don't actually want to do it before I've slept. Unless it's urgent."

Permalink Mark Unread

"They didn't tell me what it was. It wasn't urgent enough to interrupt you before you talked to Eru but that could be - kind of urgent, I guess."

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Nodnod. 

"Maybe I'll talk to them after I've slept. I guess even if it were urgent it probably wouldn't get any more urgent with time paused."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That makes sense."

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Valentine and the new Connor-person pop back.

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"Did she want to come?"

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"Yes but there's a concern I need to clear with you. A god recently told her that she has the power to make anyone do anything she wants, and she finds the timing of our visit and our offer to stop time suspicious enough that she thinks she may have been manipulating us without knowing that we existed. There's a possibility that she's manipulating lots of people without knowing it."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Okay. That sounds - complicated."

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" - wow."

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"I don't think she's - bad - but - consider the effect that having one of you who was accidentally mind controlling everyone around you to be the thing you most wanted might have."

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"I'm imagining it! It's terrifying! Especially if she doesn't know how it works! Especially if she could be manipulating us right now, somehow! Especially if the kind of manipulation might change once she meets us and has more specific desires than the desire to stop time!"

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"Is there a way to get her her timestop without bringing her here?"

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"Conceivably we could bring the rest of you back to my world? The planet I was scouting, in particular. It's perfectly nice, no one lives there, we can claim it if we wanna..."

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"I can only pause time in someone's dimension if I bring them to the demiplane. It's paused right now, because of you, but she's paused with it, so it doesn't help her. I might get a spell for it in the next week, but I don't have one now. - I guess I could keep you here to pause the dimension and put the accidental mind control me in my dimension, but I'm not sure I want her running around Moonlight Falls, either? Also if she does that time might or might not stop running on fairy time and I'll have to figure out what to do with my niece and nephew. Although I guess I could probably just bring them here. Or ask Connor's mom if they can spend the night at his house."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. That's a lot. I dunno."

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Nod.

"Do we have specific concerns about what'll happen?"

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" - you know what my specific concerns are."

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Nod.

 

"Plausibly we could bring the mind control Imrainai here, anyone who really doesn't want to be undetectably mind controlled can go to the planet the new Connor was scouting and be frozen, and then we can have the mind control me here for a set amount of time, and then we can freeze her, and then we can take a vote solely of the people who left about whether she should be brought back, based on discussions with those who stayed afterwards. It might be particularly unsafe for me to interact with her and it's possible that I should be one of the people who leaves, in which case we probably won't be frozen. Or we will be frozen forever, but - if I leave you a magic item to summon me back this is probably fixable.

"This isn't foolproof, obviously, but if she can do complex manipulation of people she doesn't know anything about then I don't see that anything is, really."

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"Is this...worth the risk?"

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"I don't know. If she can control it it's really powerful and useful, and given the neutral good ping I am kind of inclined to think she'd want to help us. But I guess we could ignore her anyway. I am - kind of not inclined to abandon her, but I'm not sure whether we have the means to help her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She did say that she was currently trying to understand and control her powers so that she could save a bunch of people. I don't have specifics. I guess we could bring this one's father here and ask for more clarification, if he'd be all right with that. I expect he would. Especially since you can turn off translation now and have everybody who wants it get by with individual translation rings."

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"That's true, I can do that."

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"He explained it to me. Apparently there is a millenia-old war between two powerful alien races which both control lots of planets, and almost all the humans are slaves of one of those alien species, and she appealed to Eru - the creator of our universe - for the power to fix it."

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" - wow, okay. I guess we also have to deal with that. Good job, other me, for being on that. - I don't think we should leave her to solve it alone but I don't really know whether we're equipped to help her right now or not."

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"Is there stuff we could develop here that'd help us get more equipped?"

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"I don't know? Obviously I can make us anti-mind-control gear, but I don't know that it'd help, if she got her powers from a god. I don't even know if my spellbook is fundamentally capable of overpowering her powers. I guess it can overpower the fairy rules."

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"Wish can duplicate Mind Blank. I don't know if that's really... the thing, here, but."

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She conjures another Pathfinder rulebook.

"Says it foils miracle spells. But it also says it only protects against attempts to gain information about a target, not control them."

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"I'm pretty sure it helps with protection from mind control?"

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"Well, you're the expert. All of my information is filtered through... whoever wrote this game. - oh, plus eight against all mind-affecting effects, okay. I'm not sure if that's enough but it's something. I can cast mind blank on everyone who's staying, if we're going with the first plan. It'll only last twenty-four hours, though."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wanna stay. The poor kid."

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"Okay. - oh, I'm a dumbass, we can't go to the world you were scouting, then her world won't be paused, you're from the same plane. I guess our options are - we can't unpause Golarion safely, and we can't unpause Valentine's world safely, hell me is from hell, Catherine's world is full of lots of people dying of preventable diseases...

"....I think maybe me and Connor are just taking a break and going home for a couple days? And anyone else who really doesn't want to be here while mind control me is here. We should figure out a way for you guys to contact me, though. Maybe I can just leave a ton of crystal balls and someone can scry and message me if you need me."

Permalink Mark Unread

He looks super confused by all this. "Okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sorry. There's a lot going on. Valentine can explain it later, probably. Anybody really want to avoid being around mind control me? - I guess someone should probably warn the fairy."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Prediction: fairy doesn't wanna be around mind control you and is also going to be mad about leaving for another place."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean that's super valid of him? This is why we should talk to him and see what he prefers and whether there are any obvious solutions. But someone he isn't mad at. ...Matt, is the fairy mad at you?"

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"Yeah. Just, if we have more options to mention to him that'd be good. - sending other people to new Imrainai's world shouldn't interfere with it being paused, would it?"

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"Hmmm. I don't think so but I don't know that we've tested that."

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He touches her hand.

I can't really keep track of what's going on right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

There are honestly way too many things going on right now. I think as soon as we have a plan for mind control me I'm gonna go through the list of things that need to be done and attempt to make other people the point people on those. D'you want me to try to explain it right now? It's not actually urgent, everything important is paused right now.

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah I think I do want that.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. One minute and then I will.

"I guess we can test that before we do anything. We're not in a rush. I'm gonna go... think about stuff, and other people can work on whatever they were working on before, okay? And we'll talk it all over and make sure the fairy knows about stuff before we bring anybody new here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay." 

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"'Kay. Nobody blow anything up. Be nice to the new guy."

She heads off to towards her yurt, tugging Connor with her.

You doing okay?

Permalink Mark Unread

I'm fine! Just really confused.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay.

So - right now we're juggling problems from a bunch of different worlds. The new world apparently has a me who was given the power to make anyone do anything she wants, and we're not sure whether she knows how to control it. We're worried that she's going to accidentally mind control us and it might mess things up, so we're thinking whether we can limit the possible effects by getting some people out of the plane. We're not sure it'll work, though, because apparently she suspects that she's been manipulating us without knowing that we exist. Did you have all of that?

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah. I'm confused about - so we want to pause the people who we send away? Or we don't want to pause them?

Permalink Mark Unread

I think it doesn't matter too much either way, for us, except that we don't want to upset the fairy any more. And if we have him paused the whole time then he doesn't have much to complain about, if he doesn't want to be around the mind control Imrainai.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. So then we're just deciding where to send people who'll be paused while they're there anyway?

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Yeah, I think so.

Permalink Mark Unread

Oh. Okay. Then I guess I'm not confused.

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I think it's not very confusing when I can remember all the parts of everything that's happening. There are just a lot of things happening.

Permalink Mark Unread

There are. So we're gonna go get frozen with everyone else who super shouldn't be mindcontrolled, and leave the other people here to comfort the new Imrainai?

Permalink Mark Unread

I think I might not actually be able to pause myself. I have no particular evidence for this but it seems like the kind of thing that might be true.

I was kind of thinking we could pause everybody else who doesn't want to be around the new Imrainai, and then we could, like, go back to Moonlight Falls and work out childcare for Zana and Connor and - maybe go on a date or something. If you wanted.

Permalink Mark Unread

That sounds nice.

Permalink Mark Unread

Okay. We should do that, then.

Kiss?

Permalink Mark Unread

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Hee. You're very good. And mine. And we're gonna figure all of this out, eventually.

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We will! It'll be great!

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And people figure out whether they want to chance mind-control Imrainai or not. 

...what's Korva doing.

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Writing some stuff down in a notebook, occasionally looking up and watching the new Connor or the giant dog or Valentine or him.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well that doesn't help him decide whether to stay.

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"I think people who are particularly dangerous if mind-controlled should leave."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. You guys should go. But some people should stay. The poor girl."

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"Someone from Golarion needs to stay to keep the world paused. I guess by default that's me."

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"And I have to stay. Same reason."

...she looks over at Alex and the Imrainai from Hell and the giant dog.

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"I think I'm staying, so you can go if you want to," he tells Korva.

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"I think I'll stay anyway. Thanks, though."

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I think we should go, he tells his Karen. 

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Oh good. I did not want to be with the me who gets everything she wants.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, we won't. Snuggle. 

Permalink Mark Unread

Snuggle.

(It's not that the Karen who gets everything she wants is probably evil. It's just that she's probably very lonely.)

Permalink Mark Unread

- are you worried I'd leave?

Permalink Mark Unread

Mhmm. Not if nobody mind controlled you. But if someone did.

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Snuggle snuggle snuggle snuggle. She can get her company from some other people.

Permalink Mark Unread

Mhmmm.

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Fairies decide after some discussion that they do not want to learn how 'do what this person wants' magic interacts with debt.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Did you talk it over with Cecelia's fairy? Or does someone still need to do that?"

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"I went over to ask. Cecelia and her sister were out, talking; I don't think they've been asked, yet."

Permalink Mark Unread

"He probably won't want to leave her alone. But I guess - man, I don't know if we should go find her and talk to her or wait for her to make it back to him."

Permalink Mark Unread

"She'll go with him, I suspect. It's still better to ask, but we're not going to pull off separating them."

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"Not planning to, right now. Just - be better for her if he eventually stops thinking we're awful."

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"It really would, yeah. I - people might contemplate apologizing. I think he thinks no one took it at all seriously until you got his house burned down with his family in it. Fairies don't really do apologies, the debt system sort of replaces it, but he's not allowed to do any of the things fairies would do so maybe he'd want one."

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"That's good to know. I'd apologize if I thought it would help. Just - kind of figure that if you want to run off into the woods and be left alone then people ought to leave you alone. But I guess we're not leaving him alone very well anyway."

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"Not really your fault. But - yeah. Until the two of them can be actually separate from everyone it matters to him a lot whether everyone is sorry. Not that I really think you have anything to be sorry for, to be clear, it's really hard to follow the fairy rules without innate intuitions for it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I probably could have tried harder to get other people to take them seriously? I don't know if I could have caught the sarcasm but I could have - I dunno, talked to Hagan the second time he slipped up, at least."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess you could've done that but it's not really on you." He glances at Hagan.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, sorry, I didn't take him seriously at all and people got hurt as a result and I can tell him so even though I don't like his - is one permitted to use the phrase 'his stupid face' or is that somehow lying."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you for checking. I would expect 'I hate his stupid face' to be a fine thing to say if you in fact hate his stupid face but an ill-advised thing to say if you think he's hot and hate his personality."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Might go over better if you apologized, then. Probably without any particular mention of his face."

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He does a very precise Osirian bow. "I shall say, 'your fairyness of no particular face, I apologize. I think I'm probably sincerely apologizing but I don't wanna commit on that front since if I lie while apologizing that'd be really bad.'"

Permalink Mark Unread

Snicker.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know what I was expecting. Sure, do that."

Permalink Mark Unread

- aw, right, actual serious problem.

"Someone should actually give them an actual apology for not taking things seriously before it got their house burnt down, though."

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"I feel pretty sincere about how much that would've sucked."

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She almost pats him on the back, and then remembers everything about Osirians and aborts the motion halfway through to sort of awkwardly clap her hands together.

" - maybe we can workshop it or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess. Uh, your fairyness, it must have been very alarming when we fucked up and got your house burned down, and none of us wanted that, and if we'd understood what you were risking I would hope we'd have reacted more sympathetically and worked harder to prevent it, and we are working harder now, and if you want a new house I guess we owe you one?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Closer."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You try."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, if I were you, assuming it were true, I might go for, like - 'Hey, Rana, I've been thinking about it, and I wanted to say that I'm really sorry that we were so careless about the lying, earlier. We put you and your family in serious danger, and that was really horrible of us, so I'll understand if you don't want to interact with everyone else - ever, really, but I wanted to say that we're going to be a lot more careful about following the rules and making sure new people know to follow them, too.'

" - which reminds me, we should make sure the new one knows all of the fairy rules."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Yeah, we should."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can do it."

And she can attempt to impress upon the new person all of the fairy rules and the extreme importance of everybody following all of them all of the time.

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“Is there a blessing for it?”

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" - I don't know what that means."

Permalink Mark Unread

“Oh, they’re programs we can install that change the world - like, adding extra information to your visual input or reminding you of things. You could probably do one that made it impossible to mess up at the fairy thing. If you don’t have them it’s fine, though, I can just mostly not talk to them until someone puts one together.”

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think it happens even if you're not talking to them, if you're entangled with them. And I don't really know how to keep track of that, so - I'm just trying to be very careful all the time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Uh, okay. In that case you should maybe get someone - my dad, maybe - to make the blessing pretty soon. But I can be careful for a couple years or so."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...okay. We have literally been doing this for less than a week so I guess if you can be careful for years without messing up that seems probably fine."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can just ping myself whenever I'm about to say anything. It's kinda annoying but it won't get old that fast."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ping yourself?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Like a blessing except it's really dumb. It just, when I'm about to talk, is like "remember that fairies!"."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense."

Permalink Mark Unread

"People where you're from don't have that? I'd be so bad at everything if I didn't have that."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We do not have that. Or, I don't, maybe someone does. Most people don't."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. I guess whatever works for you. Dwarves don't have it and they do okay."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know that I would say I'm doing okay. But yeah, I guess."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You mean the thing with the evil gods?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess I kind of mean a lot of things. The evil gods aren't really my problem personally. - well, not the ones that Elizabeth's trying to kill right now."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you wanna tell me more about it? I don't know what other worlds are like."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, uh, I don't know a ton about what's going on in, like, the broader world. Uh, we don't have very much space travel and we can't eat grass, so we mostly all have to work jobs to buy enough food to eat. And usually that's okay, but I - kind of made some bad money decisions and ended up in debt with some vampire debt collectors chasing me? So I, uh, took a contract with an evil law firm and now I'm not allowed to leave. And I'm kind of scared that if Elizabeth unpauses my world they'll notice I'm not there and I'll be in a lot of trouble."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yikes. You could come to our dimension probably?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean, I guess. It's not urgent as long as the world is paused. Although I guess there are sort of lots of other people who probably have lives I should eventually let them get back to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I mean you could reasonably wanna let it wait until we end scarcity in your home universe? But you could also not wanna do that. This doesn't seem like a great place to live, really - it's so small -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"'Small' is not really one of my top ten complaints about this place. I guess if you like exploring it might be."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I just don't like being able to see all the edges of the world. I know I can leave, but still."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess that makes sense. I hope the pegasus is okay. ...I guess we need to decide whether the pegasus is staying or getting paused while the mind control Imrainai is here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"What's a pegasus?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's a horse with wings. And person-level intelligence. Elizabeth made one to see if she could make people, and, uh, now we have a pegasus, I guess. It's Connor's responsibility but someone else should really make sure it's okay if he's going to leave while the other Imrainai is here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We could look after it, yeah."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. I hope it's okay. It's probably kind of confused."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You'll have to show me where we're going."

Permalink Mark Unread

" - to the pegasus? I think they said it wasn't ready to meet us yet."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. Okay. That might complicate looking after it but I guess we'll manage."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. They were hoping it could look after itself, but... I don't think anybody actually knows much about what day-old magically created pegasi are like."

Permalink Mark Unread


"I'm worried that people here might be underresourced for all of their goals. Or something."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, yeah, I think we definitely are. But - oh, we might have forgotten to tell you about Elizabeth? Elizabeth has a spellbook that keeps giving her incredibly powerful new spells. I think she gets a new one every day. So - I think the idea is that Elizabeth hangs out and keeps getting spells, and then eventually she can fix a lot of the problems that she's run into."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Okay. That makes sense. I continue to think we should maybe take over the planet I was on for everyone who wants more space than this place has. Including the pegasus."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I guess we could ask the pegasus about this when it's ready to meet us. I think most of the complicated things about using your planet have to do with, like, how we can pause time. I think worlds are paused as long as someone from them is in the demiplane. So, like, I shouldn't leave for very long, because it'll unpause my world when I do. - I really should have thought more about that before I agreed to go get you and the other Imrainai."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Can they get someone else from your world to pause it while you're out doing stuff?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Probably?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seems way better than being stuck here all the time."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I dunno. This place has people. And books. And occasionally things that need doing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh I guess that's fair if you're any good with those sorts of things."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I guess I don't know that I am."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, can you read."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...well, yeah. Most of the books are in languages I can't read, though. I can read a little bit of the Latin."

Permalink Mark Unread

“I can’t read stuff unless it’s in a special alphabet my dad designed for me, so you’re gonna be more useful on that front.”

Permalink Mark Unread

Nodnod. "Okay. But, uh, I think the books are not really for solving problems, I think they were mostly to thank Connor's dad for helping."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Connor's dad is an alternate version of my dad?"

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"Yeah. I would expect so. They look the same."

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"He must be having lots of fun."

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"I guess. I don't really know any of them. They've been over there a while, though."

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"He's super smart. So're most of my siblings, I was the disappointment of the family. Which is why I thought it was weird you wanted me particularly."

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"I guess you're the one Elizabeth knows."

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"Yeah. How do they know each other?"

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"He's, uh, her slave. Kind of. I guess she saved his life and he ended up in lots of fairy debt."

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"Uh, what?"

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"Um - right, sorry, I told you about how fairies have this thing where if they do things for you then you end up indebted to them and become a fairy slave? Well, if you do things for them, then the reverse happens, and they end up indebted to you. So he's indebted to her. - his brother says he's happy. I don't, uh, really know the specifics."

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"Slavery is ...bad."

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"That's what I keep saying! So far everyone's mostly ignoring me when I do."

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"Well I doubt I'm going to be more convincing than you but... that's dumb and upsetting!"

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"You could talk to Matt? Or Connor? Or Elizabeth? They're not - I'm worried that I'm not explaining it right or not understanding it, or something, none of them seem to think it's a problem."

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"Hey, Matt!"

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"Hi! Have you been given the speech about fairies -"

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"Yeah. You should really get someone to put together a blessing for it but I'll be okay for a little while. Uh, did you know that slavery is bad."

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"For humans, yeah. Fairies are different than humans."

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"....and slavery isn't bad for them?"

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"I'm not sure. I think there are more examples of fairy slavery that isn't at all bad for the fairy than human slavery that isn't at all bad for the human, and I think if a fairy is a slave and happy they're less likely to later realize they were wrong than a human who says they are a slave and happy."

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"If the person running your demiplane has a slave, then I feel like people might think that she thinks slavery is okay in general and not just for fairies."

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"She really doesn't. He could leave if he wanted to. The thing they're doing is okay, but it's okay mostly because it is not actually slavery. They should publicly call it something else, but Connor's stubborn about anything shaped like a PR consideration and she needs him right now and doesn't want to be renavigating their relationship on top of everything else that's gone crazy in her life. ...or they could just get a leather collar and say it's a kink thing but if I suggest this to either of them they will be absolutely miserable with embarrassment and possibly never talk to me again."

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" - hmm?"

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"Also it might not be culturally legible to aliens, yeah."

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"This girl here is a human?" He gestures at Valentine.

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"Yep."

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"And is anyone threatening her with slavery."

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"I think yes but mostly not people here and when it was people here it got resolved."

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He looks at Valentine for confirmation of this.

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"The fairy one of you did, but then people made him stop. And Wolfram and Hart... sort of is, I guess, but they're paused right now. Probably."

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"Maybe you should have a rule, 'no enslaving people or giving people back to someone who enslaved them', to go with the rule about not murdering people, and then if people want to do other weird stuff at least everyone's clear on there being rules about that."

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"I bet you could persuade Elizabeth of that."

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"Does that interfere with Cecelia's whole thing?"

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"I don't think so? If she leaves we wouldn't send her back, right?"

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"No, we wouldn't. But - I'm not clear on the extent to which her fairy has meaningfully enslaved her."

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"I think he did, before they came here. I don't think we can have very good laws about people coming here already slaves, besides that if they leave we won't make them go back."

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"So are you just...not going to do anything for Cecelia unless she leaves, then?"

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"You can't very sensibly go 'forcing people to do things against their will is bad so we're going to drag you away from your boyfriend against your will'. People've tried it and it's not really very helpful even when the boyfriend's dreadful. People like - having stories where they have control of what's going on."

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"Do you have any slaves."

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"No!"

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"Hmmph."

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"I think we're just keeping an eye on them for now. I just kind of feel like a law against enslaving people might, uh, break down in the specifics of what we're enforcing, right now."

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"Well on my planet there's no enslaving people. At all. Including if you did it earlier and they haven't left."

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"I mean, I think it's hard to enforce that when there's magic involved? - like, what do you even think people on your planet would do, if Cecelia and her fairy showed up?"

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"Make fairy magic not work at enslaving people, probably. And then explain to him why he shouldn't do it."

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"I guess maybe Elizabeth could do the first part, given enough time. I'm kind of unclear on - the last time Cecelia came here telling us she couldn't have debt, she seemed really distraught about it, and then Elizabeth disentangled the fairy from his court, and I guess now she belongs to him again? But - we're trying not to annoy him because we sort of accidentally lit his house on fire."

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"Huh."

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"Kind of a lot of things have happened."

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"Sounds like it."

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"...anyway, if you want you can talk to Elizabeth about amending the rules. Probably don't talk to the fairy until you know more about the situation. I don't want to accidentally make things even harder for Cecelia."

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"If it won't actually help then it's probably not any good to have a rule about."

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"Yeah. I guess it might help if there were more fairy slaves? But I feel like the situations we actually have here are a little too complicated to be fixed very effectively with a law."

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"I just wouldn't want new people to show up and be confused about whether they might be enslaved if someone wanted them."

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"Yeah. Uh, I think that will not happen but probably we should come up with a different proposal for Elizabeth, or something."

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"I'm not really any good at words. But yeah."

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"I guess you could at least ask her to stop calling Connor her slave. - although come to think of it I think it was the fairy you who said that first, I don't remember whether she's said it herself."

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"You could do that," he says to Matt.

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"It does seem like probably a good idea."

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Elizabeth emerges from her yurt. She mentally checks on the pegasus and then heads over back to everybody else.

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"Hi."

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"Hi! I - think we should bring the mind control me here but we should maybe not do it today. We should instead maybe take a little more time for me to work on my magic and other people to work with Mahdi on magic and to get Cecelia's sister settled in and also see if maybe the pegasus comes around to meeting us. Is what I am thinking right now."

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"Okay! I don't know most of those people but that sounds good to me."

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"I think that's a good idea."

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"Okay. And, yeah, we should also maybe wait until you know a little more about what's going on. Possibly you should pick a name that isn't yours, just so there isn't any trouble with the full fairies. I should get Hagan's friends to do that too, probably."

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"I will be Starfarer."

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"Aww, I like it! Okay, Starfarer."

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"Usually yous are very uninventive at naming people."

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"Oh, I am. - comparing to people in my society."

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"I should possibly give the pegasus a name before Connor names it 'pegasus'. Do I have to do anything special to name things, or just, like, mentally assign a name - " she asks Matt.

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"You have to say it out loud and the named person has to be present, though it's okay if they don't know they're being named.

I don't think the pegasus is a person, though."

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"I'm pretty sure it's a person. It thinks very persony thoughts."

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"I don't think it's a person to fairy; I don't think it can be in debt. I don't know anything about its thoughts."

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"Hm. I guess it's not urgent, then."

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"You could double-check in case debt accounts differently for pegasuses or in case the telepathy makes it different."

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"Yeah. I don't really want to track it down if it's not ready to meet us, though."

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Nod.

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"All right. I guess if we're taking some time to do our actual regularly scheduled work I should... maybe actually start the whole delegating thing."

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People wait expectantly.

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She conjures a notebook and looks at a copy of some notes she's written.

"Imrainai, you're the point person on figuring out what the likely consequences of killing Asmodeus are going to be. We're going to want to know what problems we'll have to fix immediately after killing him. Probably talk to the other people from your world about it for ideas. You should also be learning arcane magic. Hagan, you should figure out how to talk to Cecelia and get a more precise version of that plan to get her kids back. Valentine, you should write up a list of problems that the 1032 Earth is likely to have, so we can figure out what magic we need to solve those. Fazil and Mahdi, it would be really cool if you guys could come up with a list of useful things that I can do with arbitrary magic items that I might not have already thought of. My sister and Imrainai's sister, you guys - should pick names, and also it'd be cool if you guys could come up with a list of ways to improve the demiplane for people who are working here. 

"All assignments are voluntary but if you're gonna refuse one you should probably let me know."

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There are no objections!

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"Great! In that case I should... probably spend some time getting zapped with wands until my spellbook gives me magic resistance."

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"Also new people are alarmed by all the slavery they keep hearing about and we were thinking you should come up with some other word for your relationship with Connor."

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"Oh! That makes sense. He's also a knight. I knighted him."

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"Cool. Yeah. We can all call him that."

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"Cool. See you all later."

 

Hey Connor, are you okay with not telling people that you're my slave for the next while? Apparently it's freaking some people out. Which given that like a fourth of our population is versions of me should I guess be kind of unsurprising. I told Matt that people could also call you my knight.

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I guess. Fairies will know anyway.

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Fairies won't be nearly as concerned about it.

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Yeah, that makes sense.

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Wanna help zap me with wand spells a bunch of times so I can throw them off? I'm worried that if I do it all by myself the spellbook might interpret it differently.

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Yeah, sure.

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She can head over to him, then.

...she's kind of unsure whether he's sad about the slavery thing, but if it's not a big deal then she doesn't want to act like she's constantly worried about him being sad, or anything, but - oh right she's allowed to read his mind. She can just check how sad he is. She does that.

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He is annoyed that people bother her with PR and so on and so forth and he hopes they haven't made her feel bad about having a slave because she didn't do anything wrong.

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...aww.

Doesn't mean anything about us, you know. 's just to keep people like Valentine from being scared. You still belong to me.

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That's all right, then.

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She hands him some wands. "You just kind of wave it and focus on making magic happen with it. This one does hold person, and this one does color spray, and this one does - are you gonna be okay doing things that are sort of ambiguously attacking me? They don't do damage but I'm not really sure where fairy magic draws the line. It probably doesn't matter now but I thought I should bring it up."

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"I wouldn't expect the paralysis one to count, locking someone in a room or something doesn't. The other ones might? What do they do exactly -"

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"This one does paralysis. This one might stun, blind, or knock me unconscious for a few seconds if I fail the save. This one makes people laugh."

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"If it makes the debt jump like I attacked you I might want to switch to one that doesn't do that even if there's no misfortune."

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"That makes sense. I just wanna switch between a few different ones so the spellbook doesn't give me specifically immunity to hold person spells. I'm sure we can find a few different ones that don't affect the debt, though. Wanna test it?"

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"Yeah, all right."

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Then here are three wands. 

Hold person works as before; sometimes it sticks her, but she's usually able to throw it off in a few seconds. Hideous laughter usually has no effect but occasionally causes her to collapse on the ground in mad giggles for a few seconds. Color spray usually has no effect but occasionally completely knocks her out, and then leaves her blind and stunned for a while after. It's no fun, but it's very temporary.

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He doesn't like knocking her out; no misfortune happens but the debt jumps.

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She swaps out the color spray wand for a forced quiet wand. Now if she fails her save she just can't make loud sounds.

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Yeah that's fine.

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Then after some amount of this she can check her spellbook.

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Spell: Matchmaker

You can cause two people who should really get to know each other better to have an interesting magic adventure that might help them appreciate each other.

To learn this spell, hold someone who is yours. Tell them about a time when you noticed a trait of theirs you appreciate.

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"Well that is not what I expected to get."

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"Hmm?"

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It's called "Matchmaker". It says "You can cause two people who should really get to know each other better to have an interesting magic adventure that might help them appreciate each other."

That's... moderately bizarre. 

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I guess we did spend a lot of today looking for a new you and new me so there'd be one for Valentine.

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....I guess I did sort of make contact with a parallel universe mostly in order to find Valentine a date. 

I'm... not sure whether I should take it?

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Is there any reason not to?

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Because using it on people is, like - sketchy and manipulative?

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It's not like the love spell! It just makes them notice they like each other if they do like each other.

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I guess. I feel like it's kind of ambiguous what exactly it does to people. Like most of the spells are before they're tested. I'm not really sure whether there are ethical ways to test it.

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It seems fine to me.

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Well, yeah, but you're - you. I think you're maybe harder to hurt than most people.

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Fairies might be, in general. You could test it on fairies I guess.

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I guess? I don't know if I know any fairies who should really get to know each other.

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We could find Matt a boyfriend? Everyone else seems all set honestly.

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Yeah, but the spell only works if you already have both people to target. I think. I guess I don't know. Also I feel really weird doing coincidence manipulation on Matt.

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Why?

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Because I'd feel weird about him doing it on me? I think. I guess I'm not completely sure. Might depend on what it was about.

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I guess that makes sense. 

I still think it's a neat spell to have.

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I guess I might as well take it. Don't have to use it on anybody.

Anybody you think should have it used on them?

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All the us's who don't like each other yet!

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I guess I kind of worry that some of them might feel weird about this.

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Well it'd just be awfully tragic if they were alone forever because of feeling weird about it.

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I guess so.

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If you learned someone'd caused the zombies that made me yours, would you be mad at them? 

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I guess I'd be kind of concerned about their methods unless they were very very sure what they were doing. But - if they were really sure what they were doing then no.

-  I'm not very sure what I'm doing.

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I guess that makes sense.

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I just really don't want to mess things up and make Korva and Hagan upset. Or any of the others. I'm kind of unsure which sets of you's and me's we're talking about here.

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Valentine and the one we scoped out for her! I think we did good, there, he has a dog god who can fight her enemies and he's - good and not very complicated about it.

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There's another Imrainai in his plane, though, how do we know he's not supposed to be with her?

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I guess we should meet her first but she's doing...important international politics stuff? She should be with a me who won't be real sad leaving his life behind to do that. I think Hagan could do it, if he wasn't already set on Korva, or maybe Alex if he wasn't already set on the one from Hell. But Starfarer'd be sad, I think. Unless she mindcontrolled him to not, and if she can do that then it doesn't matter which one we give her.

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I guess that makes sense. Still think we shouldn't go matching people if we don't know how well they go together. Especially if we don't know all of what the spell does. Still wish there was a good way to test it.

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I guess. You could advertise it as like - a spell for people who already love each other, to have an adventure that reminds them of why they love each other, and we could do it only for established couples.

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Yeah. I guess we could test it on ourselves. Just to see what it does.

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Sounds fun.

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Maybe if we make some progress on some other stuff. - you think I should take it, though?

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I really don't see why not.

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She hugs him.

"I'm, uh, supposed to tell you about a time I noticed something I appreciate about you. So, uh - immediately after I made the pegasus I got really happy that I know you're going to be able to help me take care of everyone."

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Awww.

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"Okay. Now I have the spell. - but we should actually do more work before we test it out. I'm not sure how many charges the wands have left but I'm pretty sure I can keep making more."

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"Yeah. Okay."

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Then they can practice until the spellbook gives her something a little more in line with the priorities she's trying to have. Or until they get tired, which will presumably come first.

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She writes things down in a notebook and flips through one of the Pathfinder rulebooks that Elizabeth's left lying around. Might as well get started on pointing out all of the problems this insanity is going to cause.

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"What... are those exactly."

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" - hm?"

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"The books."

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"List of rules for playing a game about being an adventurer. Mostly I was just curious about what information the Diamond Queen was working with."

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"Is it very accurate?"

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"You can che - oh, I guess you can't. Uh, looks decent. I can read you some of the spell descriptions if you want."

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"Sure. But I was more wondering about the stuff about the world, if it has that."

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"Not very much here on it. There's a list of deities with one-line descriptions. Fairly extensive list of magic items. No map, nothing about countries."

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"Huh."

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"I think I've seen her with some other books. This is just the one with enough copies lying around that I don't think she cares whether other people use it without asking."

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"It's just an interesting concept, a game about being an adventurer."

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"I guess she must think so, too."

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"Maybe we can get her to show us how to play."

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"You think it'd be fun?"

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"I dunno but I'm kind of curious. I could be a wizard."

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"Pff. I guess so."

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"What kind of adventurer would you be if you were an adventurer?"

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"...bard looks okay. Maybe."

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"Yeah, that suits."

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"You think?"

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"Yeah. You like - stories, and noticing the rules things really run on even when people are pretending they're something different, and stuff."

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"Huh. I guess so."

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"What all do they consider the types of adventurers?"

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She flips through the book. "Bard, barbarian, cleric, druid, fighter, monk, paladin, ranger, rogue, sorcerer, wizard."

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"- huh! I guess maybe those are more gameplay styles than concepts people use, or maybe people use them somewhere other than Osirion."

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"Maybe. No hell knights."

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"Ever met any?"

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"Not personally."

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Nod.

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"I don't know if I'd ever met any actual adventurers before you guys broke into my house."

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"We must have given you such a scare. We thought she was being held prisoner there."

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"Yeah, I was laying pretty even odds that I was gonna die."

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"Sorry."

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Shrug. "Well, if someone else had gotten there first then we probably would have, right?"

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"Yeah. I don't actually think we did anything wrong, but still - never really been a big fan of people being scared of me. Or - aware I could hurt them - before I ran away it came up a lot -"

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"I would kind of think that people would still be aware of that.

"I guess nobody here seems particularly scared of you."

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"They really don't! They should probably be more paranoid but I'm not exactly going to complain. I think people track - what you can get away with, as much as what you can do? So I'm scarier in Osirion in the stupid regalia than away from it, even though I'm carrying weapons when I'm being Hagan."

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"That makes sense."

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"Anyway. Didn't mean to interrupt you."

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"I probably have lots of time."

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"So I should continue interrupting? - no, wait, let me guess, that's a rude question to ask in Cheliax because it's practically asking you to admit to a preference. Though actually the yous who are not from Cheliax also don't really like admitting to having preferences so maybe I am being unfair to Cheliax."

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"...what exactly are you looking for, here."

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"I have no idea. I'm an idiot around you, headband or not, hadn't you noticed?"

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"...no?"

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"...huh. Matt and Fazil and Mahdi have all noticed so it's not just in my head."

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"Huh," she says, in the most aggressively neutral voice she has.

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"Well, see you."

He leaves.

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.....well she has no idea what just happened.

 

She halfheartedly jots down some more ideas about horrible disasters that might befall her homeland.

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He should find Cecelia and ask about schemes to get her ex to give up custody, that was his assignment.

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She's still walking through the rain forest with her sister. There's not that much forest and she isn't terribly hard to find.

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"Hey. I had a question when you had a minute."

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"What is it?"

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“We were thinking about how to get your kids without, uh, just kidnapping them. Do you think the emperor could be persuaded to agree to whatever arrangement you want?”

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"No.

"...I suppose it might be different now that so many other very powerful people are around. You're planning to make contact with Scandinavia?"

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"Not until you're ready. But once you are, I think we should do that rather than just stealing them, yeah."

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"I'd worry about Scandinavia adding more lands to the list of places they're interested in conquering."

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"What do they do, when they try to conquer places?"

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"Send soldiers. Of course right now they use ships to get them there, but right now I have no reason to believe that they know that other planes exist."

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"Do you know anything about the soldiers? Do you know if they have magic users, do you know if they have air units..."

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"I don't know to what extent they use magic in warfare. I'm - not sure what air units are. I wasn't normally permitted to leave the palace."

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Nod. "Do you think your fairy would know anything about this? Or anyone else we could get?"

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".....My niece would know something, although she's only a child, but I don't know whether she'd cooperate. Almost anyone else who knows anything about the military almost definitely won't."

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"Then maybe we should talk to your niece."

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Nod.

"It'd be good for her to meet her mother, too, probably."

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"Will you let us know when it's a good time? There's no hurry, because of the pausing."

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Nod. 

She looks at her sister.

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"I'd like to meet her, yeah. Maybe not today, but - soon."

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"Cool." He heads back.

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She's still got a pen and a notebook but now she's sort of angrily doodling under her notes.

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None of his business. 

 

- he could ask Matt for interpretation help. 

 

He finds Matt to do that. 

"Hey."

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"Imrainai?"

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"Yeah. I - guess I said something that was too direct? And she got very cold and now she's mad and - maybe this doesn't actually require a social supergenius to figure out.

Why doesn't she like me?"

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"I don't think she dislikes you."

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"She just dislikes most things I say or do."

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"I am not sure that's it either."

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"You're not being very helpful."

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"I didn't witness this. I've barely spoken to her. My interpretation of what you said is that she would like your relationship to continue on being the way it currently is. And then you abruptly left, which is probably not great for communicating that she can have that."

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" -oh. But it sounded like she was mad at me."

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"I mean, even if she was, almost no one likes ending an interaction with someone they're going to have to keep interacting with on an angry note. The thing to do is to gracefully walk it back so that everyone can more readily pretend it never happened."

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"That sounds miserable."

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"Do you know what a bicycle is?"

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"No."

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"Darn. Uh, horseback riding?"

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"Osirion is a desert, horses mostly can't handle it. I've ridden a camel?"

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"Maybe archery is a better analogy? Some things sound like they are lots and lots of effort and distinct thought and precision when you're describing them, but once you've practiced at them they're instinctive."

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"So what would you have said?"

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"'I'm going to blame my upbringing. It was amazingly deficient in people who'd actually argue with me.' And then 'this is what I liked about Fazil when we first met', or something like that, to establish it's a friends-category thing."

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"Fazil and I -"

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"She doesn't know that. And that's not what you want with her, anyway, right -"

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"You can't do that with a woman. And - I don't actually want anything with her except for her to stop being mad at me. I'm not going to marry someone who worships Asmodeus. I'm not - trying to get anything. I just wish I didn't keep offending her."

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"You can absolutely have female friends-with-benefits in societies that don't fuck up women's lives over it. Just so you know."

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"I mean you can get them to do it, especially if there's no men worth marrying around, but it's not good for them."

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"People vary, Hagan."

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"Do you think it'd be good for Korva?"

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"Nah. But that's because she's, like, insecure and doesn't understand why anyone would like her and expects to feel stupid if she ever trusts anyone and wouldn't really enjoy herself, and also because I'm not totally sure you wouldn't think less of her for it."

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"I know she's Chelish."

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"Hmm. So - my world has a kind of guy who repeatedly feels himself to have fallen in love with sex workers and wants to save them, because in his worldview they are obviously victims, and I do not think you are making exactly this mistake but it seems like a category of mistake you might want to be aware of -"

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"I don't want to date he-"

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"Careful."

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"I'm pretty sure I don't want to date her because of the Asmodeus thing and the thing where I cannot even talk to her.

I don't think less of her for doing the thing that's normal in her society except insofar as I do think that the Chelish way of thinking about relationships is actually bad for people. I don't really care at all who she's been with. If someone doesn't share your values around sex you cannot marry them into sharing your values and it'd be stupid to try. I don't actually know that she doesn't share my values around sex, maybe she's never killed any kids. None of this matters because she doesn't like me. I would like to fix the thing where she doesn't like me and then I have no idea how anything else would work out but like - it'd be fine, if it didn't, if I wasn't making her mad all the time."

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"Okay. Well, good fortune. - we all have a bunch of misfortune now, remember, makes random things go wrong."

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"I guess that's kind of reassuring. When will it wear off?"

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"Dunno. I've never been around this much of it."

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"Do you think Elizabeth and Cecelia like theirs because they're both fairies and have sexual ethics of 'what's that' -"

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" - no. I don't."

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"That's good."

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"I think there's a sort of related thing that's relevant? It's very obvious to Cecelia and to Elizabeth what their boyfriends are getting out of dating them. Because they're kind of disasters who haven't figured out very basic principles of functioning in society and they have no common sense and they they trust their girlfriend's judgment more than their own and it's clear why he'd want her. You're - except when you are panicking over Imrainai - not actually a disaster of a person and I do not think it's obvious to her what you'd be relying on her for."

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" - huh."

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"I don't think you should be more of a disaster, though. It's pretty neat, seeing you be competent at important things."

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"I'm not planning to be more of a disaster. I am trying to be less of one. Even if Imrainai wants to marry a disaster. She'll have plenty to choose from."

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"That's the spirit, I guess."

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"Thank you anyways."

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"N-uh-uh, you're not going anywhere, you owe me at least ten minutes of telling me about the pharaoh. And the people close to him, ideally."

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"- oh, right. Fine."

He tells him about the pharaoh and his husband and the wives he's never met and - Abadar? Kind of a person close to the pharaoh, sorta.

 

And then he asks for one last piece of advice and then he heads back over to where Korva was scribbling angrily. Is she still doing that.

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She's started a new page that doesn't have any angry doodles but also doesn't have very much writing. She is sort of staring at it sadly.

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"I have a dumb plan, do you want to have the first shot at talking me out of it or should I go to Fazil?"

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"What is it?"

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"So Cecelia's worried about us negotiating with her kids' father over custody of the kids because she is worried he will get inspired to invade us. We're going to get her niece to confirm this but it really doesn't sound like Scandinavia has a military worth worrying about. The responsible thing to do here is probably to show up in enough force that they don't get ideas and are willing to negotiate. The disadvantage to this is that then we don't get to murder the emperor at all. So instead, we could show up not in enough force they don't get ideas, and then when they invade we can murder the emperor a lot."

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"Invade who? If you're worried about them breaking into the demiplane, it seems like it wouldn't take much of a military to cause this place a lot of trouble."

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"Nah, nah, we get them to invade Osirion."

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"How sure are you that you can direct them there and not anywhere else?"

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"They don't have dimensional transit themselves - gotta confirm with the niece but Cecelia doesn't think they did and if they'd visited Golarion before people'd have heard of them. I think they'd have to use whatever gate we set up."

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"Ah. Do you have people who could set up a gate?"

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"Elizabeth could, with those rings of Wish. - I think. Not actually sure if Wish can mimic Gate."

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"Book says it can't. Mahdi's probably a better authority on that, though."

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"I can ask him but he is going to go 'don't be a dumbass Hagan you can't start a war just to kill a guy you don't like'."

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"I guess Elizabeth could probably raise anyone who got killed in the process. But - I mostly think that it's introducing a lot of complications, right? If Cecelia's worried about them conquering places, giving them access to Osirion might give them advantages they don't currently have. Both for you to worry about and in comparison to everyone else where they come from."

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"You don't learn as much as you might expect from losing a fight with the Osirian military but I guess they might pick something up."

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"I was more worried about them being smart enough to try to learn things before they launch an invasion plan."

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"I guess they might do that."

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"I feel like it's - we don't really know enough about them to make sound plans with a lot of moving parts."

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"We're gonna have to make some kind of plans to get the kids at all."

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"Yeah, I agree with that. But the more people you have to think about, the more complicated things are going to get, right? And sparking a war between two countries, potentially between two planets, is involving about as many people as possible, right away."

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"It is! But on the other hand, we'd get to murder the guy."

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"I suppose that is also a consideration."

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"I'm not 100% clear how compelling Cecelia finds it but it's at least any compelling."

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"Kind of means changing your strategy about how to get the kids, right, if you're going to make sure Cecelia's new friends kill their father."

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"We probably shouldn't."

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"At least not until you have a better idea of how you'd do it without causing more problems, I think."

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"Like, even then, we probably just shouldn't be in the business of going around killing people who suck. Even if it'd be their own fault."

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"I guess that is probably also something that good people ought to concern themselves with, yes."

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He looks kind of confused.

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" - I just mean that I'm not really a moral authority on anything and I'm not sure I can give very meaningful advice on that."

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"I don't - think it gets harder to figure out what's good for people if you're aiming for Axis or whatever. Hell."

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"I just - would not really expect my perspective on this to be particularly valuable to you. It's not even particularly valuable to me."

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"I usually find your perspective on things to be valuable. Like Fazil's. Or Mahdi's. Even though we're going for different things."

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Nod.

"I don't actually have strong opinions on when it's appropriate to kill someone. At least not in situations as weird as this one."

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"I - struggle a little bit with whether the emperor of Scandinavia is worse than - my entire family - and that makes this hard for me to think about very usefully I think."

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"That makes sense. 

"I - kind of think that especially in situations where the person you're killing is an emperor, it's maybe smart to think about the political effects of his death more than how much he personally deserves to be alive. And right now we don't know them."

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Nod.

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"Anything else?"

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"Nah, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you."

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"I wasn't getting a lot done. And, you know, time is next to meaningless, and when I finish this up I won't have a lot else to do. Feel free to interrupt unless, I dunno, we get to a point where I am somehow holding things up."

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"Okay. It's nice having friends here, such as you and Fazil and Mahdi."

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- she smiles a little bit like she is trying not to laugh at him.

"Yeah."

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He leaves. 

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......well she was pretty sure that whatever she did wrong earlier was being implicitly declared unimportant and forgiven, but now he looks sad again, so maybe it was not, or maybe she did something else wrong? Was she supposed to say something else there? She feels like she really shouldn't be this bad at this with a headband on.

She draws a devil in the corner of her paper and then goes back to trying and failing to focus on predicting sources of civilizational upheaval.

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"I think you should stop talking to her, because it's unhealthy and probably immoral to cultivate feelings for someone you have no intention of marrying."

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"I have given this opinion due consideration."

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" - I guess it's kind of different for you since you could, by law -"

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"No."

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"And good for you, on that, because it doesn't sound like a good arrangement for anyone involved, but then we're back to - you're just going to hurt yourself. Or her. Or a kid."

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"Murdering people is against the rules on this plane."

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"That's really really really not the only way to hurt a kid."

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"I'm not saying you're wrong but I'm not going to stop talking with her."

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Sigh. "How's it going on Cecelia's kids -"

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"You wanna hear the stupid idea or the good one?"

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After a while of trying and failing to write anything useful, she shuts the notebook and leaves it on the table and heads into the rain forest again. (She waits until she's pretty sure Hagan isn't watching her. She doesn't know which things she's done but she's pretty sure that being seen storming off into the forest again would make things worse.)

She has the impulse to bash her head against a tree. She only actually does this once. As expected, it doesn't help at all, just kind of makes her head hurt.  

She sits down and sighs.

It's not really surprising that she's terrible at making and maintaining friendships. She's never done it before. Probably it's a skill that she doesn't have, and she's having a rough time learning it. But she can't see what she's doing wrong at all, and the things she would naively point to as likely to cause trouble are never the things that seem to actually precede it, so she isn't really sure how she's supposed to figure out what she's doing wrong. Maybe it's something specifically cultural? It's got to be something that seems subtle to her, maybe something she doesn't even realize she's doing. She could ask Fazil, maybe, except that Hagan is talking to him, and - it seems rude to talk to his friends for advice, somehow, if she keeps hurting him.

The parrot perches in the canopy above her head and makes a leaf fall down on her. She blows it out of her face. It doesn't flutter prettily away, just sort of sadly flops over and hits the ground.

Valentine would give her advice, but she isn't sure Valentine would know what she was talking about. Matt doesn't know her, and also Hagan just went to him, so it seems kind of inappropriate to approach him for advice. Her sister would talk to her, but she'd not sure she wants to talk to her sister about it, and also not sure that her sister will understand what her concerns are. She's even less likely to guess whatever Hagan's upset about is.

She could talk to the pegasus. The pegasus definitely won't have advice, but it also won't be able to judge her, because it has no friends, and also can't talk.

Cecelia and her sister wander into view, a ways away. Cecelia isn't particularly affiliated with Hagan, even though Hagan is the person assigned to get her kids back. It'd be bad if she were upset with him, but she probably won't be, because Hagan hasn't really done anything wrong at all. She's more likely than the others to have noticed whatever's up with Hagan, since she's pretty consistently seemed more culturally similar to him than to her or Elizabeth. And she did say that sort of compelling stuff about relationships, before.

The sister leaves to head back to the table and the book pile. Cecelia looks up and folds her hands and sighs, then heads back towards her house.

Korva finds herself getting up and intercepting her.

"Hi. Uh. - it's utterly unimportant but I was wondering if you had a minute."

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"Sure. I guess. What is it?"

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"I - think I keep making Hagan upset with me and I have no idea why. I realize you haven't been paying attention to most of us but I just - I have no idea who to ask about what I'm doing wrong."

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"Did you try asking him?"

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"...no. But - I don't want to make him deal with that, if he doesn't want to talk about whatever it is that keeps upsetting him?"

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"Do you also feel like whatever it was, you probably deserve the upsetness, and that asking him how you can fix it would constitute trying to get out of your justly desired punishment?"

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"I would not have put it that way but maybe?"

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"I don't actually know whether that's right, I'm just thinking about how I might feel if Rana were suddenly upset with me and I had no understanding of why. I think that I would be tempted to stay very quiet and hope that eventually he quietly forgave me, but then of course I might do the same thing again, and I don't want to hurt him just because I don't know the best words to bring something up.

"I think if it were me - I would hope that I would wait until he wasn't very upset right in the moment, and then tell him that I'd thought that he might be upset with me, and I didn't know why he would be, but since I didn't want to hurt him I would like to know why, so that I could avoid hurting him again in the future."

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"You realize we're not - the thing that you and Rana are. We're just friends."

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"Oh, but a friend is one of the most valuable things a person can have! More than gold, more than diamonds, and certainly much more valuable than either while the queen of our realm can give out the others with little consequence. A true friend, a person who you can really trust to value your interests regardless of expedience or benefit to themselves - that isn't something one ought to throw away lightly. Lots of people don't even have one. So I think if you mean that he's really your friend, really someone you can trust, or you think he might be if you don't keep hurting him, then you mustn't give that up over not wanting to be momentarily embarrassed, or not thinking that you're worthy of his good opinion. I expect he's probably perfectly capable of judging for himself whether he ought to think well of you or not, no matter what you do."

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"Probably."

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"I think so. I don't know him very well, but I think he's really very sensible. - anyway, I'm not sure whether that helps, but that's what I have."

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Nod.

"Thanks. I think."

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"Mhmm.  - I think perhaps that I should get back to Rana and my children, now. But I hope it works out."

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"Yeah."

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She heads back to her house.

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Rána is decorating.

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"Oooh. That looks nice. 

"Sister wants to stay with the other humans, for now. And there was some discussion of calling in her daughter to learn more about Scandinavia's military and what they're likely to do if they gain access to other planes."

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"If Elizabeth thinks she can fight an evil god, shouldn't she be able to take the Emperor?"

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"I'm not actually sure whether that's easier, the Emperor doesn't die if you kill him. But I think Hagan was mostly wondering whether it might be better to get the Emperor to agree to hand my children over, rather than simply stealing them, and I imagine that takes a little more finesse."

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"Huh. I guess that makes sense if he sees how to do it. Then he won't be dead, though."

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"No, he won't be."

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"Seems kinda unfortunate, him having hurt you and not even being dead about it."

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"I don't particularly think that everyone who hurts me should die. But - he will go right on hurting other people, if nobody does anything about it. And he's hurting so many people."

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"Well maybe you should ask them if they have a plan about that, if they're so clever."

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"Yeah. I should talk to them more about it, before they decide on anything in particular."

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Nod.

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"I also talked to Imrainai about something, and it made me think about - I suppose I've been worrying that you resented being asked to stay here. Instead of working things out with your court, or heading north again right away."

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"I don't really like these people very much but we can't head north in the middle of the night."

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"Yeah. It's not - I know you're unhappy here. I guess I was just - uncertain about whether you were also unhappy with me. - and I don't mean you shouldn't be, just - it seems better to know."

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"Why would I be unhappy with you?"

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"...because I wanted to stay here until more things had been worked out, and not interact with your court any more than absolutely necessary, given what happened? I suppose?"

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"Well it'd be very unreasonable to get annoyed with you for wanting things."

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"Lots of other people have."

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"Most people suck."

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"Maybe."

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"If I wanted us to be hanging out at my court some more then we'd be hanging out at my court some more."

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- she has to think about how to respond to that, because she is not actually entirely sure that under all circumstances she would definitely have stayed with him in a place that was going to effectively require him to risk blinding her.

 

"I - suppose it seemed possible to want something that made someone else feel safe, and still be resentful of their desires making your available options worse."

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"None of this was your fault. I guess I'd be pretty mad at you if it had been."

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Nod.

"I'm sorry for bringing up unpleasant topics. I just - I suppose I hate the thought of hurting you. And I don't want to ignore it, if I have, and don't want to go on needlessly thinking I have, if I haven't."

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"I never mind you bringing things up. I just - I'm not going to make a decision and then be quietly mad at you about it. That'd be unfair."

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Nod. "Okay. Thank you."

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"Course."

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"Anything else need to be done around here?"

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"Honestly I'm expecting this place to be destroyed too. So it's probably good enough."

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- nod.

Hug?

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Hug.

"Love you."

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Eeee. 

"Love you very much."

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Kiss?

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Yeah.

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He spends the afternoon talking with Fazil and Mahdi about topics other than Korva.

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She mostly spends the afternoon stabbing her notebook, sometimes with words. She watches other people, too - Starferer, Valentine, Hagan, Cecelia's sister. (Cecelia's sister is talking to Asmodia. They seem to be talking about a lot of things. Sometimes they look tense, and sometimes they look happy. She's glad her sister is making friends with people besides her.)

She feels really weird about trying to have a conversation with Hagan while his friends are there, so she sort of keeps hoping for him or them to go do something else. Or for him to come over and talk to her, that would also work.

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They head off eventually to ask Starfarer questions about his world.

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She keeps stabbing at her notebook long enough to not look like she has obviously been waiting for Fazil and Mahdi to leave, even though she absolutely has been. And then eventually she heads over to Hagan.

"Hey."

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"Hey!"

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- okay maybe he isn't mad at her? She's so tired of trying to keep track.

"Um - this is maybe kind of stupid, so, excuse the stupidity if it is, but - I was, uh, worried that I might be doing something to upset you. Because it seems like it keeps happening, and I am kind of unclear on why, and - if you don't want to talk about it that's also fine, just, if there was a specific thing then maybe if I knew what it was I could stop doing it."

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" - oh. Uh, that was what I was talking with Matt about earlier, that I kept offending you and didn't know how to stop and he said I should just - be clearer we were friends - you haven't done anything to upset me, I just get upset easily when I feel like I did something wrong and don't know what. Because we're friends. And I don't like upsetting my friends."

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" - oh. Well. Same, I guess. Except I don't know if the friends thing generalizes because I haven't had any others since I was a kid. So I might be bad at it, see."

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"I don't think you're bad at it."

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"Normal people proooobably have fewer fights in the process of making friends, but - thanks."

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"I think that was my fault for - uh, for not treating you like a friend."

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"...I do not think I know what that means."

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"Uh, when we were arguing about it earlier Fazil called it 'plausibly deniable flirting which you think is made less grave by the lack of any serious intentions behind it when that makes it moreso'."

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" - oh."

She's still kind of confused, actually, but at least that makes sense of some things? Probably? It explains what he means by not treating her like a friend. Probably he - has some kind of passing interest in her and because things have gotten weird and outside of normal Osirian social scripts he has allowed that to influence his behavior more than he normally would. Okay. That makes sense. Kind of.

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"Anyway that's not your fault at all and it's most of why I was - reacting more to our conversations than I normally would."

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Nod. "I guess that makes sense. No serious harm done, anyway. Long as we're - okay."

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"I want to be a good friend to you. I promise I won't - bring up anything else. I didn't mean to interfere with us being friends."

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"I mean, I'm not mad, or anything. It's not a big deal. Just - don't want us to be going around both upset about accidentally upsetting each other. Seems like maybe we could try to do more skipping that step."

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"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea."

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"Okay. Maybe I can take up saying 'I'm worried I'm being an idiot' when I'm in fact upset about being an idiot and not about something else. Or something."

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"I think the last time I offended you was when I - said I was an idiot around you? So I sort of expect this to not solve our problem, somehow. Though maybe that was an unusual circumstance."

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"Well, the problem there, if you want a - metaphorical, I guess - after-action report, was that you seemed to think this was significant, and I did not immediately understand why, and before I could think very much about it you abruptly decided to leave. And then most of the me feeling like an idiot happened after you left."

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“Oh. I’m sorry. I interpreted you as - taking my meaning and not much liking it, which would’ve been quite fair, and therefore wanting me to cut that out. So I left. Matt said later I could cut it out without leaving but I didn’t really think of that at the time.”

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"Oh. That's - fair. I think I'm possibly very dense."

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“I guess that’s good since I was out of line anyway and it wouldn’t have been better if I’d -   succeeded at whatever I was I guess on some level trying to do.”

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"Yeah, probably not. I don't know that there was much risk of anything very bad happening, though."

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... he makes a complicated set of faces in quick succession.

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" - okay, I really have no idea what you think I just said, but I'm worried that it was idiotic."

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“No, just, uh, I thought I understood it and then it occurred to me that the last few times I thought I understood something you said you had actually said something different, so maybe I should clarify, but that’d be obliging you to make more explicit something it feels like you have now told me very clearly five or six times and which also hurts, not that that’s really the point, so I couldn’t quite bring myself to clarify.”

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" - okay. I'm - sorry?"

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“I interpreted you as saying, even if I’d been clear that I liked you you would just have told me you weren’t interested, so there was no chance of anything bad happening. Was that the right interpretation.”

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"Yeah."

...it is kind of bizarre for this to hurt given that it must be the opinion of every halfway-sensible girl in Osirion, but whatever.

"Sorry. I am told that rejections are often painful, and stuff. I wouldn't really know. But I guess it's normal."

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“It’s -“ sigh. “Just didn’t want to bring it up again but I’d have felt very stupid if instead you meant something else.”

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"I guess that makes sense. It's - I'm worried that anything I say here will just be more upsetting. I don't really know how not to be upsetting, people in Cheliax don't really think it's that big a deal, being interested in someone. But - I have common sense, okay? Nothing very bad is gonna happen because you talked to me. At least nothing worse than both of us feeling like idiots a lot."

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He does not actually trust himself to speak but he nods.

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Ugh.

"Anyway. Sorry for making you sadder. I can go, if you want."

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Nod.

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"Bye. Still think you're cool."

And she heads off towards her little house, feeling like she probably messed something else up just now but not remotely sure what it was.

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He goes to his house and cries.

It’s not fair. Which, of course it’s not fair, it’s not the kind of thing that’s supposed to be fair, but he’s not the worst him, he’s not, he’s not ridiculous to think about, he’s not stupid - he is stupid - he is stupid and stupidly loved someone who he had important unrelated obligations to, and now he just has to get over it, and stop trying to think of ways it could be all right, because it cannot.

He does not come out for a long time.

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Diamond Queen Elizabeth eventually declares today's magic resistance practice to be over. 

Hmmm. Still not sure whether we should use the spell. Or on who. I was thinking about using it on us, but I'm not entirely sure how safe it is? And it would be really bad if anything happened to us. I guess it would also be pretty bad if anything happened to anyone else. Although I'm pretty sure we could get any of the others back. At least any of the ones who don't die for good.

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Well, that leaves Hagan and Korva, because we don't know for sure we can get Valentine or fairies back.

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Yeah. I just really don't wanna mess things up for them. And also don't want to make them mad.

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That makes sense. I think if it worked they'd be happy, and the spellbook usually does what you actually mean it to. 

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That's true. It just seems - what if it makes them disappear and then everyone else freaks out that I disappeared them? What if nothing dramatic happens but they figure out I did something and everyone gets worried that I'm going to stick them to random people? Even if it isn't mind control-y.

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I guess they do seem to randomly worry you’ll hurt them a lot.

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Yeah. I'm very powerful. So it's kind of my job to be predictable, so people don't think I'm going to make random terrible decisions.

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I guess that makes sense. I’m really curious what it does, though.

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Yeah.

Mrrrgh. Maybe we could ask her sister whether she thinks it'll be any good for them?

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Oh, that makes sense. She might guess better whether it’d freak them out.

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Yeah. Not perfectly, but - I guess I figure I basically trust my sister to look out for me on this front, and it seems like most of the other me's feel kind of similar.

She heads out to find Asmodia.

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Asmodia has been talking to Cecelia's sister for some time. She is pretty sure that there's a weird amount of subtext in this conversation for a conversation with herself, but she hopes that she's been pretty clear about following almost none of it. 

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"Hi. I was wondering if you could talk to me for a second? It's about your sister. It's nothing bad, I just need advice."

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" - sure. Let's take a walk." 

And she heads off to pace the perimeter. The rain forest is too full of people crying these days.

"What's up."

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" - okay, so, don't freak out. I got this spell that's a matchmaker spell? And it says that what it does is it sends two people on a magical adventure that's meant to help them appreciate each other more, if they ought to appreciate each other more. I don't think it does any mind control, or anything, just - drops you in a story that'll help you sort out your feelings. Probably. And I kind of want to test it, but it seems like it might whisk you away from whatever you were doing, and I don't really want to be whisked away right now, and also I might be needed to get people back later, and - anyway I think also maybe it might actually be good for Imrainai and Hagan to go on an adventure together. But I don't want to tell them about it because I don't want to mess with the results, you see, and - I just also don't want to do something that they're going to see as a betrayal or something later. So I was wondering if you could maybe tell me whether this is a good idea or not."

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She considers.

"No mind control? No love potiony stuff?"

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"Pretty sure no. Not a hundred percent but I'd be pretty surprised."

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"And it's safe, whatever happened you could get them back right away if you were worried?"

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"Think so. And I don't expect it to kill them but if it does I can wish them back."

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"Hmmmmm.

"I'll get back to you, kid, I wanna do some reconnaissance first. Thanks for asking."

She heads off to go find her sister.

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Her sister is glumly drawing things in a different notebook at the kitchen table.

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"Hey. 

"I saw you had another conversation with Hagan just now."

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"Yeah."

The notebook gets a delicate stab with the pen.

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"Something happen?"

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"He likes me. Or - not even really likes me, I don't think, just is attracted enough to impulsively flirt with me. I don't care about it, but I guess he's never - dealt with anything like this before? So I guess he's kind of sad right now. That I don't, um, also like him."

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Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

"Don't like him in what sense?"

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" - I mean I like him, sure, he's great, he's - my friend. I think. He's - trustworthy and reliable and kind and thoughtful, and Verita loves him, and - I guess in a lot of ways I trust him more than anyone else here. In some arenas more than you. But I'm not gonna - throw that all away for a hookup, you know, obviously?"

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"This would be a more meaningful statement if you literally ever hooked up with anyone, but yes, I agree."

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"He wouldn't either. He's more responsible than that. I think. I guess it's just - he's tempted, a little bit, on some level, and - maybe it kind of hurts that I'm not also tempted. I guess. I think Osirians tend not to have a lot of experience with these things, so - it feels like a bigger deal than it is."

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Hmmmmmmmm.

"You think he'll get over it?"

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"Oh yeah. Might be awkward for a while, but - I mean everyone else does, right? Not that I'd know anything about that."

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"Sometimes it takes a while for people to get over things."

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"He's not in love, Asmodia. He's just - inexperienced with girls and probably kind of unaware of how normal this is. But he's - he's not gonna stop talking to me just because of an awkward kind of painful conversation. He wouldn't do that. I think."

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"All right, sorry. Just wanna make sure you're okay. 

"You're really sure he doesn't like you?"

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"Asmodia - "

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"Sorry, sorry! I'm not saying he does, I'm just considering hypotheticals."

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"Well, stop considering that hypothetical."

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"I'm kind of bad at stopping considering hypotheticals."

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Sigh. 

"He is not going to marry me. He's an Osirian and therefore doesn't have other models of romantic relationships with the opposite sex. If he liked me I guess he would be pretty stuck on religious grounds."

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"At least until Elizabeth kills Asmodeus."

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"Yeah, I guess that removes that obstacle, sure, why not get married then."

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" - sorry. Didn't mean to make you sad. Just never really gotten to talk to you about boys."

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Sigh.

She stabs the paper again.

"It's not a big deal. Just - we're from different cultures. We're going different places. I could - tell a nice story about Hagan liking me, if I wanted, but why hope for stories that don't have satisfying endings? And why confuse myself, just because biological imperatives aren't as sensible as people?"

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"But you do like him."

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"No! I don't! Not in the - why does everybody keep - ugh.

"He's important to me. And maybe you don't know what that is, okay, maybe you've never had any friends you didn't want to fuck, but I have it on good authority that it ever happens to people. And I don't see why I shouldn't get to have it just because almost everybody else around here is obsessed with who wants to sleep with who."

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"Sorry." She gives her a hug. "I'm very curious, but you shouldn't have to be sad because of it."

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Hug.

"Sorry. I guess you probably haven't talked to anyone in a long time."

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"Yeah, I'm still remembering how not to be a jerk. I was never very good at it anyway."

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Nod.

"Not gonna let a little awkwardness get in the way of important stuff."

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"Good for you."

And she heads out and finds Elizabeth.

"Go for it."

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" - you think?"

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"I don't know what's wrong with those two, and I'm pretty sure that neither do they, but they're both doing a terrible job on their own, and I think you should metaphorically ram them into each other at high speeds until they at least manage to figure out where they stand. This is my honest assessment."

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"Gosh. Right now?"

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"No time like the present."

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"Well. Okay then. You're the expert."

And she tries casting her matchmaker spell on Korva and Hagan.