He does that. He comes back.

He pulls him into his lap without comment.

Okay then. Raika-seren closes his eyes and leans on him contentedly.

I told your father I didn't ask for this.

Well. That's true, you didn't.

If I had I'd have done it very differently. 

Hmm?

'Ignore you until I want you' would feel less like it was leaving you in a state of deprivation.

And I suppose it doesn't help that I don't mind...?

It harms you, that actually matters to me a lot more than whether you mind.

And it's more difficult for me to do something about. Hmm.

I have been rather assuming that if I pay you attention I'll find you tempting soon enough on my own.

That does seem very likely.

It'll help if you think about - what you actually want, why you're here beyond 'it's a challenge' -

What he wants?

If he just drops all the intervening practicalities and reaches straight for the optimal outcome in true Taliar fashion, what he wants is what he saw between Tivarante and Elaneth-imire. He wants that kind of love, that kind of trust, that kind of joy. He wants Maitimo to look at him with that expression of utter fascination, while he is much too busy being tortured to notice - he wants to know what it's like to have imaginary strangers touching his soul, and he wants to know what it's like to hand his soul to Maitimo expecting that and laughing about it. He wants to get high on trust songs and give himself up completely. He wants Maitimo to have him and keep him and love him and treasure him and delight in him - he wants to make a gift of himself and he wants to be the kind of gift that brings exquisite unimaginable happiness.

And maybe he can't have all that, but even if he can't, there are other things he wants in the meantime. He wants to see what it's like to be held to his own standards. He wants to see just how far he can be taken apart and still put himself back together afterward. He wants to help Maitimo, solve problems for him, love him and be appreciated for loving him, give him nice things, see him smile, make him happy.

Is that the sort of answer you were looking for...?

Yes, I think so. 

He considers him. He kisses him.

He kisses back, delightedly, without expectations.

He starts singing.

It's lovely. He's lovely. And Raika-seren thinks he recognizes that song, which makes it even more lovely.

He can feel the change in the shape of his thoughts, and it's - it's beautiful, it's enthralling - trust songs get at something really fundamental in Taliar's mind - and he knows that the reason he trusts Maitimo so perfectly right now is because Maitimo is mind-controlling him, and he decides to let that feeling go unchecked, because it will be more fun that way, because he genuinely and wholeheartedly believes he won't be made to regret it.

Most people don't get this high on it, right - I wonder what it's like to be that kind of person, I can't imagine - I love you so much, I'm so happy.

Just you. It barely affects me at all, normally, if I'm around people I like - Findekáno disliked it -

I can't even think of a coherent comparison, I've never felt anything else like it. But it's amazing and I love it and I love you.

The closest he can get is - what Kelora said about the colours of his soul, while he was catching up, the difference between silver and blue - trust songs feel like the absolute pinnacle of blue. It is so very deeply rewarding, to feel like this. Particularly since he's been having a rather silver time of it overall.

Why is that, do you think you can pick it apart - I haven't hurt you that badly or without permission -

I would be doing a better job of this if I wasn't so high, but—

It actually hasn't all been because of Maitimo; he's been very silver about handling the aftermath of the twenty-four-hour flashback incident, which was entirely his own fault and which Maitimo helped him with tremendously. But it was silver when Maitimo took him to that florist, and afterward - silver because that's what he needs to deal with memories of Nahira, and silver because that's what he needed to get through being tortured with only just barely enough appreciation.

There's blue in there too. It's blue to come here and give himself to Maitimo and trust that he doesn't need to do anything more than that, doesn't need to play any games or pursue any strategies, that all he has to do is be the person he is and make the choices he makes and it will all be okay in the end. But silver is how he gets through the consequences of those choices. Silver is how he can tell himself that it's okay if Maitimo does hurt him that badly, does hurt him without permission, and make that true. Silver is deciding that he wants Maitimo to have that option and then doing his best to give it to him, and succeeding. Silver is strength; silver is that infinite well of willpower that he glimpsed in Elaneth-imire's memory and immediately envied.

Silver isn't really bad, exactly. It's not what he wants the foundation of their relationship to be forever, but it's a part of him and he isn't ultimately harmed by relying on it for a while.

Mmmm.

Kiss.

Kiss. Snuggly adoring kiss.

...wow, he didn't realize how deep that internal wall ran - being this high on trust, loving Maitimo the way he does, he should be wanting Maitimo rather desperately right now, and he's not, because he doesn't know if Maitimo wants him, and that matters, it matters even when he has permission to want things in general.

Should I undo that - I can if you tell me to, even if I'm still not sure -