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Oct 29, 2020 4:37 AM
Bruce Banner is the Erogamer
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"Well, it goes so nicely with the theme, don't ya know." He holds up a copy of Doctor Tatiana's Sex Advice for All Creation: The Definitive Guide to the Evolutionary Biology of Sex.

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"...oh, hey, look, sex education books for the teenagers. And"-- he looks across the bookshelves-- "Bruce, did you accidentally wind up banning Twilight?"

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"I didn't mean to? I mean, if I had to ban a series I've never read. . . . But presumably it's not banned banned, just kicked out to make space."

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"Seems at a glance like it's been replaced with a bunch of someone called Meg Cabot."

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He checks out some jacket blurbs. "Huh. There's a chick who dates a ghost. I wonder what it would be like to date a ghost." He's aware that that might be tempting fate but fate doesn't seem to come in un-tempted anymore.

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"Is there a perk for that?"

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"Yes, but it was very ambiguous about whether it lets me date pre-existing ghosts or creates dateable ghosts out of nowhere and generally did not give enough information to determine whether it was a terrible idea or not."

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"Probably whichever option is sexier."

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"I think the sexiest option would be if people got the option to come back as ghosts when they died. Anyway, I think that's all the major changes in this store."

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"All right. Let's head to the aquarium, I guess. --Was that sex toy store there last week?"

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"Last week I might have failed to notice it, but I bet it's new anyway. Want to check it out?"

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"Sure!"

A few minutes later: "this sex toy store is disappointingly non-science-themed."

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"I just had an extremely bizzare mental image of this place fused with a science museum gift shop and I think I'm going to go with, 'Good.' That said, do you want the contact info for some sex-themed studies looking for test subjects?"

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"Sure," she says, and then looks at them. "...I'm not familiar with sexological research, did they always show people porn and then hook things up to their dicks to see how horny they are?"

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"I'm not either, but honestly that sounds like a great way to detect people who kink on having things hooked up to their dicks. Less so anything else."

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"Bet I'd get hard if you hooked me up to one of those machines and"-- slight blush-- "showed me makeup tutorial videos or something."

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"I guess if being extremely self-conscious stopped guys from getting boners, the world would be a very different place."

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Ack. 

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"You wanted to go to the aquarium?"

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Bruce is suddenly convinced that he said something super wrong, or something that came out super wrong, but isn't sure how to clarify that he meant that he would be self-conscious about having a scientific instrument on his dick without making everything three times weirder. "Uh, yeah, I did. Want to go to the aquarium. Let's do that."

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Aquarium! Cuddling ✨her boyfriend ✨ on the way to the aquarium!

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Train cuddles are excellent and so is the aquarium!

The aquarium is running an ad campaign.

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"...Bruce do you want to fuck octopodes."

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Bruce's face now matches the background of that sign. "So, uh, I told you about that quest to uplift an animal to sapience and thereby cause lots of people to stop eating animals, right? And I'm pretty sure it will only work if I precommit to--I mean, if the animal turns out to be down for it. Which they probably will. Anyway, it's a lot less weird than a chicken."

Also the suckers look like they have a really interesting texture, okay?

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"It's cute! You get to know my weird and embarrassing fetishes!"

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