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lev and sasha pile
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Lev sits on his desk. 

"You have no idea how lucky you are."

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"The hobby of the dictator of Latveria is dressing up in armor and smashing parking meters into cars while shouting 'curse you, Reed Richards! DOOM WILL HAVE HIS REVENGE!'"

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"Has anyone ever told you this universe is extremely weird."

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"I have never met anyone from another universe and yet somehow I am not surprised."

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"Okay, so, a Gileadite is a sect of Christianity. They became really popular after the fertility crisis because they decided that it was a religious obligation to--"

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"Fertility crisis?"

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"Yeah, the thing where we pumped a ton of bitoxiphosphene into the air and now most women can't have babies, or miscarry, or the babies are born with horrible disabilities and then die?"

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"Not a thing."

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"Well, that explains why you don't have Gileadites. --If someone tries to put bitoxiphosphene into the atmosphere, don't do it."

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"Noted."

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"Anyway, Gileadites are sexist homophobic assholes, and then in 2020 they did a coup and turned the United States government into a theocracy."

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"Are you okay?"

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"Don't worry, I'm Cascadian. --Uh, NorCal, Oregon, Washington, and complicatedly Hawaii seceded to become their own country. And we're not homophobic or sexist or ageist or any of that bullshit."

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"I'm glad, I'm not sure how I'd respond to being part of a Christian theocracy."

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"Gilead is okay on Jews, for values of 'okay' that mean that they make us all be ultra-Orthodox."

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"Ouch."

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"Before we talk more about my home dimension's geopolitics-- the people who are on fire? What the fuck?"

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"So, there's a gene called the X-Gene, and when it's active you have superpowers. Like, some mutants have healing powers, or telekinesis, or telepathy, or the ability to shapeshift--"

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"WHAT."

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He spreads his hands. "I don't know what to tell you."

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"THAT IS NOT HOW GENETICS WORKS."

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"Everyone in this world is confused too."

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"HOW DO YOU HAVE A PROTEIN THAT CODES FOR THE ABILITY TO HEAL AND ALSO FOR SHAPESHIFTING. HOW IS SHAPESHIFTING EVEN PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE."

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"Physics in our world is kind of bullshit?"

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

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