He looks confused for a moment--

And then says "it's okay, I love you."

And then says, "Fuck."

How about he just ignores that whole sequence of events. "So like. Thank you for offering it was very sweet and I'm sure if I were actually a trans girl I would at least consider taking you up on it but." 

"Sorry. Sorry. I'm so. I'm sorry."

Wow, he looks profoundly miserable. 

.....Sasha hugs him. 

"I'm really really really sorry. I. You can go if you want to. That would. Be a totally reasonable thing to do. Sorry."

Figuring out what it is he wants to do sounds difficult and continuing to hug Lev is a good default action. "I've got you," he says, because that is the kind of thing that one says when hugging someone who is miserable. 

He is not going to cry. He is not going to cry because he told Luna he loved her-- him-- and it is a horrible violation of her boundaries and their professional relationship and the last thing he wants to do is make the situation all about himself by crying. 

It's pretty close but he manages.

He tries to memorize what her-- his-- skin feels like. 

He. He should text Asher and ask what to do — should call Marlo, should — 

There are too many things happening and it's —

He's going to keep holding Lev, rubbing Lev's back. 

"Please let me give you-- enough. That you'll be comfortable. Because I love you and you don't love me and I want to make you happy and I don't have anything of value to give you other than money and I just want to know that you'll be taken care of and then it'll be. Okay. Please let me."

He's sniffling a little bit. Fuck.

What does he do with that — 

"......I've got you. It's — I'm not gonna end this over that. You're okay." 

His face is full of gratitude and hope.

"Thank you."

Squeeze.

"I should talk to my boyfriend and also Asher before I make big decisions. But I'm not gonna end this over that." 

"You should do that." He hesitates, looks like he's about to say something, and then says, "I'm glad you have a boyfriend."

It occurs to him that he can probably just ask. 

....he isn't going to ask, though. He nods and buries his head in Lev's shoulder. 

"Go talk to them. I'll still be here when you get back."

Asher is more able to help with the concrete problem in front of him, so he texts Asher first. 

hey 

I fucked up 

not in a way that puts me in danger but 

what do you need

what happened

He offered to pay for my transition 

I went "uh" 

He kept offering, said it didn't matter what the problem was, he had resources, he could pay for lost work or whatever 

I panicked and said I was a cis guy, he said "it's fine I love you anyway" and then immediately also panicked about that, we hugged it out, he's fine and I'm fine but the curtain is 

more drawn back than i usually keep it 

so you're going to be on a plane back soon?

that's what I'm texting you about obv but my plan is no 

trust me the money is not worth it

that's..... fair 

I suspect there are feelings involved but I have no idea which feelings 

like............ you like him