californialove123: how much to see you soft and tiny?
espadabynight: Beautiful smile
jackx0123: nice lips
jackx0123: perfect for kisss
jackx0123: looks good your hair
manfrommoon92: I am not gay, but I am still here so... not like I am Jesus or anything
sweet25000: can you cum by getting fucked by a big dick?
quantumdex: let me bite your thighs!
blazingrod: That choker ring must be great to drag you for a good kiss
Just for that he's keeping his shirt on until he gets more tips. (Thank you espadabynight.)
He can totally talk about his favorite anime, though, and he can run the "traps are so much hotter than real women because we're so hungry for your huge cock" routine in the background at this point, that doesn't actually require a brain.
"I can do that for you," he says, smiling sweetly, and he gets up and grabs one of Marlo's shirts and a pair of girls' running shorts he keeps around for shows where he'll end up stripping but starts off wearing clothes, and comes back to the camera and changes before sitting down again.
This is a really weird thing to do during a private show but hey, it's brucewayne's money. Sasha explains the plot of Suffer the Children and then gets into, "And the interesting part is that it would have been really easy to focus on the kids? They're undead children who need to drink blood to stay alive, that's already a perfectly good horror-novel premise, so it's interesting that the kids are barely characters at all and the actual horror comes from what their parents are willing to do to other adults."
Lev eventually and regretfully says, "I really do have to go now" after ninety minutes of show.
Which means that (a) Luna made $270 tonight and (b) even considering sales on tokens and discounts for buying tokens in bulk, Lev probably spent over five hundred dollars on talking to him about horror novels.
that's absolutely right, you're not a real slave, that's why you're doing it for money asshole
uggggh so tempted to just do porn again
but i'd have to work longer hours and i haven't quite recovered from my last video being titled "BLACKED: Teen Slut Gets Massacred By BBC Mandingo"
i had to look up what a mandingo even was
....I'm not looking it up I don't want to know
I will reblog three hundred "burn the bagel for good luck" tumblr posts and idk burn a really shitty paper crane or something in your honor
but someone spent like 500 dollars on talking to me about horror novels so I'm having an awesome night actually
To Asher:
don't steal my clients :(
for real tho if he were into black findoms it'd be pretty weird for him to go for me I'm like the opposite of that
And to Lev:
the man could not write dialogue to save his life
I've heard some things but my only opinion on the actual books as opposed to the discourse about the books is "nobody talks like that"
he specifically requested no weird race stuff so I think the chances of him wanting me to GET BLACKED are as low are they're gonna get
to Asher, and
oh man I bet
the good news is it's creative commons now so the pdfs are free
it's much more fun if you approach it from the angle "thesis: nick is gay and in love with gatsby" than if you try to actually analyze it but I've never tried just reading it like a normal book
to Lev.
Asher you're straight
not that I wouldn't fuck you if you decided to give it a try because holy shit your abs but you are in fact straight
and he debates how to respond to Lev for a moment before he says
it's only boring if you try to read it like Literachur
if you read it in literally any other way it's like "insider scoop on gossip about my tragic crush: the novel"
"I like knowing things about you and you enjoying yourself," he says, "and I also get off on-- making people do things that they wouldn't otherwise do because I have power over them? Uh, but I don't want you to actually do things that would upset you or make you sad or anything."
He leans forward and smiles into the camera.
"I like being bitten — I like having marks on my shoulders and my neck and my thighs — I like being touched here —" and he puts his fingers on his shoulder — "and here, and here, and here," on his collarbone, on the pulse point behind his ear, on his throat.
...well, better than tipping no tokens. (Asshole.)
"I'm not going to be taking my clothes off today," he tells the camera, "but for every 100 tokens, I'll take a shot of vodka." He gestures at the vodka bottle sitting just in frame, with a shot glass next to it; it's two thirds full.
NEW ROOM TOPIC: shot 100 tks, flash 50 tks, suck dildo 300 tks, snapchat 300 tks, pms 200 tks
racer628: Nice
racer628: Beautiful
racer628: I’d hit that shit
10inchbb: I'm jacking my big monster dick
espadabynight: TIP HER! LOTS OF TOKENS
thetallcanadian: Can u get hard?
racer628: but you're going to go wild when we get you drunk, right ;)
espadabynight: SHE'S THIRSTY!!!! TIP HER
espadabynight: beautiful smile
bigdickitaly86: Hi bb....open my cam...amazing big cock here...mmmm
jackingdicknow: make that ass bounce
jackingdicknow: spank that ass for me
jackingdicknow: suck that cock
racer628: feeling horny yet? ;)
racer628: or do you want a little more to drink?
racer628: are you thirsty?
10inchbb: TEQUILA MAKES HER CLOTHES FALL OFF
jackingdicknow: beautiful
espadabynight: nice smile
sonoftroy90: hottttttt
sonoftroy90: love those tits
10inchbb: you should touch yourself a bit
10inchbb: play with those titties
10inchbb: remember my big cock
raw1026: can u abuse ur balls in a private?
raw1026: do u know what i am asking?
10inchbb: think about me tearing ur ass to shreds
racer628: isn't it more comfortable like this
espadabynight: TIP HER SO WE CAN SEE HER TITS FOR LONGER!!!!!
northshore52: ru hard
racer has tipped fifty tokens!
racer628: why don't you touch yourself
racer628: you don't have to show us anything
sonoftroy90: WHY. I WANNA SEE HER BIG HARD COCK
racer628: she'll want to show us once she's touched herself a bit
racer628: she's an exhibitionist
northshore52: love ur dick
10inchbb has tipped 100 tokens!
10inchbb: take a shot 2 make it seem like a good idea
racer628: you don't want to do that though
racer628: you said it yourself it's more comfortable like this
10inchbb: you wanna show us everything
10inchbb: you like knowing that men are looking at you
racer628 tipped 100 tokens!
10inchbb tipped 100 tokens!
sonoftroy99 tipped 100 tokens!
racer628: shit
...okay, what does he say to Lev, because Lev is being really sweet but also you don't pull back the curtain for clients.
yeah I'm okay
I don't live alone
is true enough, anyway.
"I am sober, though," he tells the camera, Sasha's actual literal truth filtered through Luna's clumsy sincerity.
jennybabe2309: ebeautiful 18femalle cam textt me, 267 920-1305... or add Skylype, MeowKis48...
gigelojoe: my dream ts
racer628: you WANT to though
racer628: it would be hot
10inchbb: u could take off ur panties and leave your skirt on and touch urself?
10inchbb: then your not getting ALL the way undressed
10inchbb: just like u promised
10inchbb: and u could fuck your ass and think about my huge dick
espadabynight: TIP HER! TIP HER! TIP HER!
espadabynight tipped 99 tokens!
sonoftroy99: come on! you're DELIBERATELY not getting her drunker
espadabynight: if you don't like it you can tip
racer628: I like 10inchbb's idea
racer628: just slide off those panties and touch yourself for us
10inchbb: do I have to give you an order
10inchbb: take off your panties slut
10inchbb: I bet you like it when real men give you orders
sonoftroy99 tipped 100 tokens!
Well, save the money so you can block him if he starts getting stalkery without wondering where your next meal is gonna come from.
Keep up your other clients.
Drop hints about living in Maine.
Make your heart as cold and ruthless as ice.
He seems like a rescuer type.
In the next month, Lev does not appear to be a stalker or interested in getting freebies!
Lev shows up on time for the ninety-minute shows every Tuesday and Thursday. He mostly wants to talk to Luna about books and movies. His taste in fantasy and science fiction is wide-ranging; he's self-aware of how awful it is. He drops hints, occasionally, about what his life is like, and sounds like he might want Luna to ask about them. He never turns his cam on. The kinks he mentioned in their second show show don't come up; he wants her to strip, to touch herself, to say she likes him and she wants to touch him, to talk about her fantasies, to moan his name.
Lev texts her a fair amount, but he doesn't freak out when she takes a while to respond.
Lev doesn't always show up to her shows, but he usually does, and he's a pretty big tipper. Once, when Luna puts up a countdown to her riding a dildo, he fills it immediately.
Luna's cam score rises, and more people come into her room. She's making more money than she ever has before, and not all of it is from him.
He buys Luna two new dresses, several books, a vibrating buttplug, an art tablet.
Sasha sends Asher sanity checks every so often, bitches to Marlo about clients, reads and draws and opens commissions on his art. He continues to not ask about Lev's life; he is not paid nearly well enough to be a therapist. He shows off the vibrating plug at a show; he wears the dresses on camera where Lev will see them; he has opinions about the books.
"Claire-- my cofounder-- was like 'I'll give you money to keep working on this' and I was like 'sure' because I kind of always needed money and then at some point junior year she was nagging me to finish a feature and I was like 'I have to study for midterms' and she was like 'you're a multimillionaire' and I was like 'what.'"
"Okay."
He stands up. He's not good at this; his face and half his chest are out of frame. Perhaps mercifully, he undresses in a businesslike way without trying to make it sexy. Lev is pale and hairy and he has a little belly pudge, and hopefully he's a grower rather than a shower; he is very, very average-looking.
"What do you think?"
"I was trying to figure out how much is reasonable-- uh, I think I'd pay fourteen thousand dollars for a weekend or forty thousand for a week or seventy thousand for two weeks? And I can't take more time than that off work. Obviously I'd cover your plane tickets and expenses while you're here and stuff."
What he needs isn't an assurance that everything will be fine.
"I'll call every evening and we can text and I'll be right here. And you can come back early if he freaks you out, and if anything happens we'll know where you are — do you want to put something on your phone so I know where you are, we can do that —"
For the next three weeks, Lev can't concentrate on anything except Luna.
He reads a book and thinks about maybe reading snuggled up next to Luna. He tries to write code and finds his mind drifting off to thinking about Luna. He watches a movie and imagines watching it with Luna. He spends perhaps a slightly excessive amount of time trying to get the house ready for her. (His staff, appalled, find themselves working as many as twenty hours a week.)
His private shows keep returning to the topic of how much he wants to hold her and kiss her and pet her hair and how he is so excited and happy and this is the best thing he can imagine.
Sasha is especially cuddly with Marlo; he packs and repacks, debates which dresses Lev likes seeing him in most and how much space to leave for the flight home. He draws; he does shows; he talks to Lev about being held and kissed and cuddled and about how happy he is. He downloads a tracker app with Marlo and watches as Marlo sets it up and is quietly reassured by its presence buried in the utilities folder of his phone.
He brings Luna's clothes with him, mostly — dresses Lev bought him, skirts and cute shorts, a few of Marlo's shirts. The flight to San Francisco from Seattle isn't long, and the airport is quiet on a Tuesday morning.
"Cool!" he says, and hugs Lev briefly before he heads into the bathroom.
It's a very nice shower, of course. He takes a while in it, doesn't worry about using up the hot water, and changes into leggings and one of his skirts and a very soft shirt once he gets out.
He pauses in his room for a moment. Being Luna 24/7 is going to be — a lot. He texts Asher and Marlo
made it to his house, I'm in a guest room that locks from the inside
love you
and then opens the door to the hallway.
On the way there, Lev says, "you can email Edith-- she's my cook-- and tell her what kind of food you like to eat. I usually try to stay in the upper floors of the house because the staff like working on their novels and stuff when they're technically supposed to be working and it's awkward to pretend not to notice."
Then Lev will put his shirt back on and show her!
Lev's library would work well as a small city library, except that all of the nonfiction is about social science and history and programming, and the fiction is not organized in a way that would get people other than Lev to be able to find books. The shelves include "Economically Implausible Dystopias," "Economically Plausible Dystopias" (this one has like two books), "Sexy Paranormal Romance (Gay Vampires)", "Sexy Paranormal Romance (Straight Vampires)", "Sexy Paranormal Romance (No Vampires)", "I Liked This When I Was Thirteen (DO NOT REREAD!!!!!)", and "Author Plausibly Has A Transformation Fetish."
There's a shelf near the front labeled 'Books for Luna.'
He totally understands that they're different genres! It's just that Howl and Sophie have this really wonderful dynamic in the book where they're both kind of assholes and a lot of it is lost in the movie.
(Does Luna like Diana Wynne Jones. Is there Diana Wynne Jones that Luna has not read. This is IMPORTANT.)
he keeps crying on me
I say keeps, it's only happened once
but he just, started crying on me and telling me how he's never enjoyed sex before and I'm so good and so kind to him and just
what the hell do you do
I awkwardly patted his back and played with his hair and repeated things I sorta remembered m saying to me when I was crying but man I'm not qualified for this
I'm a camgirl not a therapist idk what I'm doing
he was working on the algorithm as a side project, his cofounder offered him money to keep doing it, he said sure because he needed the money and three years later he found out he was a multimillionaire
he is not nearly socially together enough to be doing the business part of the business
When he wakes up in the morning, there's a note:
something at my foundation exploded, sorry, I don't know when I'll be done working
edith can get you food. feel free to go explore the city or hang out in my library or the movie theater. there's money in the wallet and you can ask alex to drive you places
and then something scribbled out.
"The short version is that we check whether our grantees are actually doing the program they claim to be doing, and the study on the charity that gives cash to people in the developing world came in, and only about sixty percent of people cash was offered to actually took up the cash. So I was in a meeting talking about what the fuck was going on."
Lev is going to keep being quiet and petting her hair until she says something.
(It's-- nice, to be safe enough that Luna will be sad around him, even if she doesn't say anything. He doesn't have any right to expect that she would want to say anything. Being allowed to hold her at all is a privilege and he is grateful for it.)
"Okay. If you want to text someone and still be held I can-- I was going to say 'I can not look' but it would be totally fair of you not to trust me to do that and 'you can blindfold me' feels kind of silly. And of course you can go to your own room for a bit too. Whatever you need."
He looks so uncomfortable.
"I get off on-- having power. I like humiliation. I like making people insult themselves. I like giving really petty orders-- like, jumping jacks or making you spin in circles or enter and leave the room. I like the idea of fucking someone while they say no." He's blushing. "I like. Uh. I'm really sorry about this but. I like misgendering girls like you. Sorry."
"If you have to miss work for surgery recovery-- or if you want a vagina and you'd have to build up new clients-- I can cover the cost of your missed work too? I-- I don't know what the problem is but I can fix it probably, I have. Kind of a lot of resources. To throw at things."
He is not going to cry. He is not going to cry because he told Luna he loved her-- him-- and it is a horrible violation of her boundaries and their professional relationship and the last thing he wants to do is make the situation all about himself by crying.
It's pretty close but he manages.
He tries to memorize what her-- his-- skin feels like.
"Please let me give you-- enough. That you'll be comfortable. Because I love you and you don't love me and I want to make you happy and I don't have anything of value to give you other than money and I just want to know that you'll be taken care of and then it'll be. Okay. Please let me."
He's sniffling a little bit. Fuck.
He offered to pay for my transition
I went "uh"
He kept offering, said it didn't matter what the problem was, he had resources, he could pay for lost work or whatever
I panicked and said I was a cis guy, he said "it's fine I love you anyway" and then immediately also panicked about that, we hugged it out, he's fine and I'm fine but the curtain is
more drawn back than i usually keep it
He calls Marlo.
"Hey."
There's a sound of rustling papers, and then, "Hey. You doing okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. — he knows you exist and he knows I'm a guy and I have. A lot of feelings."
"— sweetheart," and Sasha can hear how much Marlo wants to be hugging him.
He swallows. "I know. I miss you too. — I think maybe I like him back, is the problem."
There's a pause. Sasha keeps his breathing even and crosses and uncrosses his fingers.
"....I love you," Marlo finally says. "And if it's what you want then go ahead. Just —"
"— I'm coming home exactly when we planned I would," Sasha tells him. "And I'm coming home to you. I love you."
And he can't see the way Marlo is smiling but he knows. He's seen it often enough. "I love you."
"Asher is my best friend, who I am sort of quasi dating even though he's straight, it's complicated. He's also great — we're kinda coworkers, he helped me into this job, he does findomming and people send him exponentially more weird race stuff than they send me — I'm not sure if the two of you would like each other, you have a bunch of interests in common but he's a little much sometimes."
"The way he phrases it is that he is not actually sexually attracted to me but he loves me and it's like giving your friend a massage when they've had a rough day except also there are orgasms, and I haven't poked this too hard because he is in general ridiculous and it's the kind of thing he'd do. And Marlo's gay, my type is apparently 'enthusiastic nerdy people who are very cute and not great with people.'"