were the peak of my heyday
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"Is there a point in discussing crazy hypotheticals? You understood what I meant, didn't you?"

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"...I suppose."

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"Do you want me to? Stop being an esper, that is?"

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"...I couldn't do that." He tries to imagine Jaeha asking him to stop being an esper and it's like being asked to kill himself. What's the point of Lee Tae-gun if he's not an esper?

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"I think I find being an esper a lot less important to who I am than you do, Tae-gun-ah.

"...you know I haven't been fully guided since I manifested when I was seventeen, right?"

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...well he hadn't really put it together like that.

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"And I keep thinking, that probably fucked me up, right? I don't know who I'd be if I weren't an esper but that's because I don't know who I'd be. I don't care about being an esper that much. ...my father would be thrilled if I stepped down and became his heir, so you wouldn't even need to financially support me or anything."

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"Your father?"

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"My grandfather is Kang Moon-il, founder of Kang Group, and my father is Kang Jaehyuk, its current chairman and majority shareholder."

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...oh, Tae-gun knows those names. Everyone in Korea knows those names.

Uh.

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He smiles a bit. "But I knew I was gay when I was a teenager, and I was not very discreet about it, either. Drove father up the wall. I'm sure he wanted to set up a marriage for me, and would have if I hadn't become an esper. And if I come home telling him that I'll be his heir and also that his son-in-law is Lee Tae-gun he might actually die on the spot of an aneurysm."

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"I'd prefer not to be your father's cause of death."

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"But it would be really funny."

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...well, Tae-gun confesses he can't feel very sorry if some homophobic magnate dies because he finds out his son is dating a man. Not in anything more than an abstract way.

"When you said at the meetup that being gay wasn't really formative...?"

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"Well, I was maybe playing it up a bit. It wasn't formative in a way that made me want to bond with other people about it? Most people aren't from the kind of family that will try to arrange marriages for them so there's not much to bond over, there. And despite everything I was never in danger, even when rumours were going around I was still Kang Jaeha from Kang Group, no one was going to say a peep about it."

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"But still, you're—valuable. I mean, your work as an esper." Losing Kang Jaeha would have material consequences to actual people out there, people would die more.

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He can't say that he cares about that that much compared to how much he cares about Tae-gun, but—any. He does have any sense of empathy and duty, and it's not even all of it due to Tae-gun.

"Yeah."

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"Are you under zero backlash right now?"

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He opens his mouth to say 'yes' but then stops and turns his feelings over in his mind. "I think so. I'm not in any pain, I'm reasonably well-rested, and the mental part is... harder to gauge, but... I think so."

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"Would you be able to tell that you got to this level of guided?"

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"Not automatically. If I stopped to think about it, yes."

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"But even with no backlash you still..."

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"I still have the habits, yes. And... the impulses."

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"But you haven't slipped?"

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"Only this morning when I had just woken up."

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