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were the peak of my heyday
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"Well, whatever. Let's just go stop at a bunch of stores and look at things we're definitely not buying you and then when it's your actual birthday we'll invite half of Quasar and that'll be that."

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He looks pained.

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"Only the half you like, how about?"

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"Fine, just put me out of my misery."

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"How about cake? Do you like cake? Let's figure out some kind of cake to get you for your birthday, there's this lovely bakery I know..."


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"My friends were asking about you," Tae-gun says while they're eating dinner together.

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"...oh?"

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"Just... you know. Since we're partners and all."

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"I guess it's natural they'd be curious." Not that he'd know. "What'd you say?"

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"I... didn't. Much. Um." He takes a deep breath then looks at Kang Jaeha. "I... feel like we don't know each other all that well? And, um. I want to. Get to know you better, that is."

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"Well, what would you like to know?"

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"I don't... know. I'm not really good at these things, I don't know what other people in these situations do, they just kind of... happen."

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"'These situations'?"

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"You know, relationships."

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"Are we in a relationship, then?"

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?

"Yeah?"

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"And what's that relationship, Tae-gun?"

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"We're par—oh." Oh, that. That...

That phrase does have some meanings, huh.

Uh.

Um.

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"Just partners? Nothing more? Strictly transactional?"

...his heart is. Making a noise. Of some kind. He'd been teasing but he's having some sort of reaction. And he's not some dumb BL protagonist who'll hear the ba-dum of his heart in such a situation and go, "gosh, what's this?" It does take him a second but only a second to realise that when your heart starts going ba-dum when you make a joke about a romantic relationship that has some implications about your feelings.

The thing that's tripping him up there is that 'feelings' bit.

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"Well... I mean... yeah...?"

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"Yeah? So if I said I didn't want to be just your partner, what would you say?"

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

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"I don't know? I. I need to think. Um."

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He doesn't like that response. He doesn't like that at all. He's—feeling something, something he does not want to be feeling, and actually it feels like this is going very very wrong.

Why is he feeling that way?

He needs to think.

He should stop Tae-gun and undo—

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...no?

No, he. He's not going to undo it, actually.

Why not?

He should undo it. He should undo it because he needs certainty, he should undo it because if Tae-gun comes down on the wrong side then it'll be a lot harder to get him on the right side later, because he could spend some more time getting Tae-gun convinced and then ask the question and...

...and he doesn't want to. Besides, even if he did, he lost his timing, he can't grab that memory anymore, it's been too long, but also he doesn't want to.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

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Tae-gun is too busy with his own internal struggle to notice Kang Jaeha's, but his heart is doing its fair share of ba-dums.

He's also not stupid.

He has a "mild crush" on Kang Jaeha, but... a relationship? It's only been a couple of weeks.

A relationship? This soon? He was just saying that he barely knows Kang Jaeha.

A relationship? Him? Him and Kang Jaeha? Him and Kang Jaeha spending time together? Going on dates, doing things together, things other than fucking in their silo? Watching movies, sharing book recs, chatting about nothing at all, those stupid things from books and webcomics and movies that suddenly don't sound stupid at all even though he barely knows this man? Even though he wants to?

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

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