I have a crush on demon cam not the kind where you kiss them the kind where you torture them
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I CANNOT COUNT THE NUMBER OF TASTELESS JOKES THAT JUST RAN THROUGH MY HEAD

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"You can say them if you'd like, I won't have hurt feelings."

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NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT

THE WALLS HAVE EARS

I BET MAGLOR LOVES BIG BROTHER

I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW WHICH OF YOU IS OLDER THATS A LITERARY REFERENCE

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"I'm millions of years old, subjectively."

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WELL I GUESS THAT RESOLVES THAT THEN WOW

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"He doesn't remember most of it, we cut out almost all his episodic memory when we were trying to get him functional again."

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"I don't know if you'll find this more reassuring or less so but I feel like it's important to clarify that they tried that only after they'd run through hundreds of copies they tried to salvage without erasing anything."

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"Who would find that reassuring?"

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"It's data about how seriously you take wiping peoples' memories!"

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"Nothing we did to you was remotely defensible under any circumstances other than the ones -"

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"Right, but, hmm...if people might disagree on how indefensible - or not even on how indefensible, on how horrifying... a thing about this situation which having to explain it to outsiders is making very prominent is that it's hard to tell the difference between surprisingly decent people and horrifyingly evil ones when there's only one remotely defensible priority. I think people who cared more about erasing a million years of someone's memory would have tried for longer not to, not that they'd have as a result done something less horrifying. 

This is really all on me, I should've had an advance directive."

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"He did, actually," he tells Cam. "It was 'win the war'."

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The screen goes dark.

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"Sorry, he - doesn't actually talk much these days, I wasn't expecting that."

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IT WAS PRETTY INFORMATIVE

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DOES HE HAVE CAMERAS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE

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"Lots of places. In the ships and in the guest quarters, yes. He can use our senses, if we let him, and I let him, it seems - only fair, really, it's my fault he hasn't got his own eyes."

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I WILL UH

BEAR THAT IN MIND I GUESS

LIKE IN THE BATHROOM TOO OR JUST THE BEDROOM

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"Is surveillance of important extradimensional guests not the sort of thing that'd happen on Earth, I'm not sure how drastically we're departing from norms here."

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I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW THAT MUCH OF THE CAMERA PLACEMENT HABITS OF HUMAN INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS PEOPLE I JUST DONT LIKE THE IDEA OF BEING LITERALLY CONSTANTLY OBSERVED

I CAN GET OVER IT I ASSUME BIG BROTHER IS NOT IN IT FOR THE VOYEURISM BUT IF YOU WANTED ME TO TAKE A SHOWER IN THE NEXT WEEK

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Nod. "You can tell him to go away and he will. Or remove them, if that's more confidence-inspiring."

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I MEAN I GUESS THE DIFFERENTIAL BETWEEN THE TWO HAS A LOT TO DO WITH HOW LIKELY YOU THINK I AM TO FOMENT DISASTER IN THE BATHTUB BUT I DONT ACTUALLY HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS ABOUT THAT

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