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binding oaths
I have a crush on demon cam not the kind where you kiss them the kind where you torture them
Permalink Mark Unread

There'd been a tunnel collapse three weeks ago. Oksa hadn't worried too much. It was a big, big cave, hastily dug. It had started as an extension of the subway tunnels into bomb shelters when the bombings had started aboveground, and then for half a century the bombings had not stopped, and the caves had been expanded and expanded and expanded, farther downwards as the bombs got bigger and more dangerous. Twenty-eight million people had lived in the city, once, and most of them were dead but still millions of them now lived beneath it. That was not how you were supposed to build caves, and it was unsurprising that sometimes there was a tunnel collapse. She'd looked up the obituaries, donated a little money to their children.

There'd been another one a week later. Bigger and worse, cutting off a sizable artery of the city. That wasn't the kind of thing that could be expected every once in a while. It might've been the Elves, testing new underground weapons that could shake the world violently enough to destroy all the underground cities. That'd destroy the Elves, too, of course, but perhaps they didn't care. If everyone fell into the Elf gods' hands wasn't that an Elf victory? The Elves didn't have any children, she'd heard. Maybe if your own cities were empty of innocents and empty of laughter then it didn't seem like it mattered if the world kept spinning. 

Two days after that the ground had lurched under her feet on her way to work and the baby had bitten his tongue and ten tunnels had collapsed. A couple thousand people had met that night in an old subway station, big and stably built by Dwarves before the war, and huddled there and talked about leaving, maybe. In Angband you could live above ground, because the Elves didn't dare venture near. Angband was crowded and probably all the housing was below ground but even so, you could take your children up aboveground, sometimes, and show them the stars.

You heard bad things about Angband too but, then, all you heard were bad things these days. 

Five days later while they were trying to convince Angband to send an escort for them there was the worst earthquake yet, the city sundered into four or five pieces, some of them likely without any ventilation. They'd decided to leave without the escort. They'd had to use a set of emergency escape tunnels whose trajectory didn't match their map. They reached the surface and started walking, possibly in the entirely wrong direction. There were seven thousand of them. The children gaped at the sky. She couldn't, it turned out, show them the stars, because at some point in the last fifty years the sky had filled with too much soot for any stars to shine. 

They debated briefly whether to start walking right away or to wait until the sun rose and it became clear what direction they should be walking in; they decided to start moving, because if they were spread out by the time they were visible to Elves they'd be a less tempting target for bombs and missiles, and because Akka was 90% sure this was the right direction. 

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A pair of people - appear. Like a Maia dispensing with an illusion of thin air, there they are. One's a human in an outlandish outfit, and one's a human-inspired Maia in half an outlandish outfit, the lack accommodating a set of bat wings and a tail in dark blue. They both look really confused. The human starts snapping at the ?Maia? in an unfamiliar language; he doesn't reply, just looks incredulously at her.

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- nearby orcs fall obediently to the knees. They look confused. They don't venture a question, though.

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The woman looks at them, bewildered. She snaps at the ?Maia? again. The Maia says something and produces out of nothing a rolled up piece of paper, which the woman spreads out on the ground and makes a mark on with a pen she has in her bag.

Nothing happens.

She starts shouting at the ?Maia? again, who holds up his hands defensively.

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Angry Maiar. The orcs shiver a bit. Oksa's baby cries and she clasps her hands over his mouth very tightly. (The Maiar don't understand about babies. They don't even understand why people have trouble holding still while you kill their babies.)

 

 

The place where these two people have found themselves is dark, but starting to get a little lighter. It might be sunrise in an hour. The air is smoky. The migrants farther away have noticed what's going on, and are edging away with their heads bowed. No one has taken off running yet.

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The woman pulls out a rectangle and it glows white; she shines it around to get a better look. She takes a deep breath and sighs and starts taking long steps towards the nearest orcs. The winged one follows her.

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They're humanoid, but really ugly; their faces are jarringly asymmetrical and their skin is warped and greyish and covered in pustules. They tremble. The most distant ones start running away. 

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The lady Maia starts speaking loudly and pointing at things such as herself, her companion, the ground, and the orcs, as though she suspects her audience may be deaf. The winged one facepalms behind her; she doesn't notice.

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It's got to be an Elf language, but it doesn't actually sound very Elfy. Maybe she is new at using a voice to make sounds, in which case she'll presumably get tired of it soon. Cringing orcs wait. 

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She appears to be trying to ask questions! She's getting increasingly frustrated that none of the orcs want to help her out with that.

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And they sure are miserable about the fact that she is frustrated! Oksa holds her hand over the baby's mouth until he goes limp, unconscious, and then stops and rocks him quietly, hoping he won't start crying again when he wakes up. One of the bad things you hear about Angband is people there advising each other it's not a good idea to do that too often. She hadn't expected to need to know that but, well. 

Maybe the Maia will take several days to get angry enough to kill them and by then the escort will arrive. 

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She is very angry but so far not in a killing way. The male Maia's wings are rustling agitatedly.

At considerable length she leaves off trying to convince the orcs to establish lines of communication, and snaps at him again. He - relaxes marginally, creates a few more things, and puts them on the ground. She starts pacing, then demands a chair and a sandwich and gets them.

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The orcs relax too, observing this with some curiosity but not actually as much as you'd expect from people who have never seen a Maia before. 

Someone gestures at the sky and murmurs. It takes everyone else a little while to do the same calculation. The sun is coming up over there, which means they headed in the wrong direction. 

That might mean they're in lands the Elves claim by now.

More of the distant people break off running. 

Someone tentatively attempts to use gestures to ask the strange apparently-non-mindreading Maia whether they may leave.

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She certainly has something to say about that, but what it is is unclear! Her companion sighs and peers at the things on the ground.

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They try very hard to decipher her opinions. They start running anyway when airplanes appear through the clouds. 

 

The airplanes sweep out to catch the ones who've travelled farthest first, and then start dropping bombs.

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The lady Maia screams, then jabbers at the male Maia, and then the bombs start exploding before they hit the ground.

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The airplanes respond to that by pulling up above the cloud cover. It's quiet again.

It's dawn now and possible to see that this place is mostly bombed-out wasteland in every direction as far as the eye can see.  It's also possible to see how many orc refugees there are; thousands. Most of them keep running, but some of them notice that the Maiar did that, and stop, and cautiously head back in their direction. They are kind of smiling at the winged one, who seems to be thoroughly the more useful of the two. 

 

 

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The winged one nevertheless doesn't try to talk to them, though he inclines his head in their direction. He endures some snapping from the wingless one, who feels the need to harangue him for some reason. Then she checks the devices on the ground; they are unharmed. She picks one up and does some things to it, then shows them a screen reading, in not very grammatical Tege, "Where are this?!?!"

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An orc holding a baby brightens up considerably at this. "We're in Elf-lands. They'll come back. North it's Erdegar and north of that it's Angband, that's where we're going. Oh - do you need me to write -" She pantomimes this.

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The woman nods vigorously at the pantomime. She jabbers at the winged one and he produces paper and pens.

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And she writes, "This is Elf land. North is Erdegar. North of Erdegar is Angband. We were going to Angband. We will serve you instead if you can stop the Elves."

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There follows some more chatter in her language and some more materializing of things and some frowning at the device and finally she writes, "How do I got here?"

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"I don't know that."

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"But you must did bring me here! I didn't do! And it didn't do either!" she replies. "And circle not worked!"

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The orc flinches. 

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"Answer question!" reads the screen; she shakes it at them.

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There wasn't a question. Oksa does not say this. "I am sorry. I don't think I brought you here. I don't know how to do that."

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"If you not did then what?"

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"Maybe Melkor brought you here. Maybe Elf gods did it."

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"What those?"

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"Melkor is the god of the orcs. He lives in Angband and tries to protect us from the Elves and to protect our souls from the Elf gods after we die. He might have brought you here to protect us. The Elf gods don't live here, they live far away. They hate orcs. I don't know why they would bring you here. The things they do don't make very much sense."

 

An airplane dips below the clouds again and she trembles. It doesn't drop any bombs, though.

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The winged one looks up at it and keeps an eye on it.

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It circles. Orcs flee from it, at least the ones that haven't gathered around the strange confused Maiar for protection. It continues not to use any weapons.

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The strange Maia doesn't look confident in his ability to protect them but maybe he's just bad at faces or something!

The woman addresses him in her language.

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Oksa wonders absently if the winged one would be more helpful if Elves killed the not-winged one but she doesn't see an avenue to bring this about without getting killed herself.

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She writes with the device again. "How fast do those planes go?"

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"I don't know. They can go faster than that one is going now. The Elves can leap light but not with that plane."

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"How fast would they go around the world?"

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"I don't know."

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"Why don't you know anything?" she says, but she says it out loud so presumably it will not be understood except in sentiment. She jabbers at the winged one. He sighs. He makes a plane-type thing. It has room for all the orcs still in sight.

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They look more shocked by this than they've seemed by any of the previous shenanigans. They hurriedly clamber aboard the plane-type thing. 

 

The circling Elf plane still doesn't drop any bombs. Instead, another one of a different model joins it, and starts to land.

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The winged person hesitates to board his plane-thing. The human shouts at him. He's watching the Elf planes.

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The one in the sky keeps circling. The one on the ground settles down lightly in a puff of dust. 

Someone gets out. 

They could be a human, though one who spent quite a lot of money on angel-assisted plastic surgery and had very good taste on top of that. They're taller than human, armed but not holding a weapon, carefully neutral in expression. They're in a bulky uniform.

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The human continues to shout ever more stridently at the winged person.

The winged person plops to the ground and sits cross-legged a ways away from the plane.

The human sounds like she really needs a cough drop, she's hollering so much.

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The new arrival will walk over to the winged person, then, rather than the yelling one. He stops a respectful distance away and tries a sentence in fourteen different languages.

 

Orcs cringe miserably on the plane, and speculate in whispers about whether they are being handed over to the Elves for horrible torture. Elves don't usually bother torturing orcs while they're still alive since it'll be done thoroughly enough once they're dead, but you never know.

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The winged person holds his empty hands up helplessly and doesn't reply to the Elf, or look like he understands any of the languages.

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All right, he'll try the yelling person next. 

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The yelling person's yelling rises to a fevered pitch and then she breaks off, takes a deep breath, and says something in a more normal tone of voice. The winged person makes her more devices like the ones he made before. She taps her foot impatiently; apparently they don't work right away.

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(Anyone keeping a close eye on the sky will notice that there are a lot more planes now, though they're mostly ensuring only one is visible at a time.)

 

The Elf waits patiently.

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Eventually she's impatient and produces a screenful of appalling Sindarin: "You are what wants?"

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He blinks at it, pulls out a notepad, and writes, "you are in a warzone. We would like you to come with us to somewhere safer."

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She growls at the winged one. A thing appears. She translates. She takes a minute to decipher it because presumably the translation's equally appalling in that direction. Eventually she answers, "Going copulation what is onward?!?"

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More planes start landing. 

He writes. "We would go to the city of Helevorn. It is safe and pretty, and we could develop better translation there and determine what is going on."

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"What this several person several?" replies the woman, gesturing at the orcs while the Elf reads.

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"They are very dangerous. Why are they with you?"

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"We once see them," says the terrible translation.

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"It is not safe to have them here. It is dangerous. They are dangerous. They have instructions to take hostages for the forces in the north. They have been told to kidnap people and take them north. They may have other orders. They may have very dangerous suicide orders." He is apparently hoping that if he doubles up his sentences one version of them will make sense.

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She does spend less time per word deciphering this one. "You did bombing us!" she replies.

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"I am sorry. I apologize. We didn't know you were here. We did not want to hurt you. We saw only people with orders to hurt us. We are at war with them only. This area is not a safe area. Anyone here will face many attacks. In Helevorn you will not be in any danger. Helevorn is safe. My own children are in Helevorn."

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"You could say all the things!" says the translation.

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"Can you say that again? I did not understand."

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"You could say all the things!" repeats the screen. The winged person rolls his eyes.

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"I do not want to talk more here. I want to go to Helevorn where it is safe and we can use better translation. Can we go?"

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"What these persons go doing?" says the human, waving at the orcs again.

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"We will keep them safe also. We will protect them as well."

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"Excellent," says the translation, probably more effusive going out than going in, and then, "Miles in time of plane?"

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"I don't know what you mean. If you say it differently maybe I will understand."

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"Is the velocity plane very great?"

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"Uh, it's the fastest way to go places."

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Rather than translate another sentence she thumps the hull of the one the winged person made.

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"We would rather fly you in ours because our allies will recognize it and we know what is in it."

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"Suppose exploding in sky for secret reasons!" she replies.

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"I will be in it too!"

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"Suppose you are a holy wind!"

(The winged person slaps his forehead.)

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"I am an Elf. We will be less likely to have anyone shooting at us in a plane that is not surprising than in that plane, which is surprising. And our pilots know how to fly our planes when someone is shooting at us, they can keep us safer."

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"You all these?" she asks, gesturing at orcs.

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"The other planes can take them safely."

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She harrumphs. She switches languages and orders the orcs onto the Elf planes.

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The orcs start sobbing. Several of them collapse to the floor. Babies wail. 

 

Additional Elves emerge from the other planes and come over to help.

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She flings up her hands and gestures her winged companion after her and he follows her onto a plane.

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Off they go. 

 

He writes, "if you start speaking the things you write to me, we will be able to learn your language better."

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"How is a possibility this helpful?" says the screen, though she does also speak aloud.

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"I give it to linguists (language-studiers). They start thinking about your language. By the time we land we have people you can talk to. Why doesn't he talk?"

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"He a balrog," says the screen. The word she speaks is not a preexisting known term for "balrog".

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"Why is he with you, then?"

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"He working for me," she says. "Is safe."

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"Can you tell me more about balrogs like him."

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"You can bind them to make them safe," says the screen, suddenly better at its job.

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"More than that. Can you tell me how many there are, where they come from, why this one works for you..."

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"They come from Mandos and there's billions of them and I paid this one."

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"Why has Mandos not mentioned this?"

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"Who's Mandos?"

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"You said he comes from Mandos."

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"No, I said he comes from Mandos, I don't know what this stupid thing is doing." She smacks the device. She is admittedly not saying "Mandos" out loud.

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"Sorry. What's your name, what's his name?"

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"I'm Jim, I don't know his name."

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"I'm Allandur. Are you also from Mandos?"

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"No, I'm from the ground."

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"What city or country?"

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"Sydney, Southern Land."

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"What is it like there?"

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"Nicer than here, that's for hairpetting sure."

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Allandur blinks and then sighs very softly and then keeps asking mildly interesting questions that don't touch on anything important like the 'balrog's capabilities or the war situation, for the linguists' sake, for the rest of the trip. 

 

They fly over bombed-out wasteland and more bombed-out wasteland and then a lot of wasteland that doesn't look bombed-out at all, though there's nothing growing in it, and then land quite abruptly in the foothills of a mountain range. The plane taxies indoors. 

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Jim is irritable the entire time and the balrog is silent.

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The interior hangar bay is vaulted and elaborate and gorgeous in approximately the style of a cathedral. Looking immensely relieved to be here, Allandur leaps out and then lingers to help them get down if they need to. The plane is meant for people slightly larger than them. 

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The balrog flares his wings to fall gracefully. Jim accepts a hand down. She seems confused by the decor.

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"This is Helevorn," Allandur says tentatively in English. 

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"It's pretty," says Jim.

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"Yes. That is why we wanted to talk here, not there. You can stay until we learn how to send you to Sydney."

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"Thanks. Are the icky folks going to be okay?"

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"We took them to safety. Why, uh - never mind. Did they explain anything when you talked to them?"

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"Nah, not really, they knew fuckall."

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"Melkor keeps his people not-knowing because otherwise they would not kill for him as happily. Did they say why they were in our land?"

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"No, but they didn't seem to like being there."

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"Can the balrog hear? Read? Can he write things to us?"

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"Yeah, it can hear and read, in languages it speaks. I can let it write."

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"I don't know how to read your language but maybe our people could learn that."

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"You seem really quick, yeah."

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"It's not me, other people are teaching me."

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"...you have people who speak English somewhere?"

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"No, but other people are fast learners."

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"That's wild."

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"Wild?"

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"Uh, it's really impressive."

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"Would you like to keep talking to people or would you and the balrog like to go to rooms and rest? I don't know how long you were with the orcs..."

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"A while, I am kinda bushed," Jim admits. "The demon's allowed to caffeinate itself, it's not tired."

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"Balrogs don't get tired?" He leads them out of the hanger bay and down a hallway and down another one; they're all deserted. 

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"I think they do if you don't let them caffeinate themselves but not like really tired."

The balrog follows them down the hall.

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"If he'll be up while you rest, can you let him write things, so we can teach our people your writing system?" he asks carefully as they reach a door.

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"I mean, I guess I could, but I don't like the idea much," says Jim. "Demons are nasty beasts and they're very smart, you can't let them have unrestricted communications or they'll steal people's souls and suchlike."

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"Ah." He opens the door; the room is an enormous suite with a wall that's all computer screen, glass doors leading to a balcony leading to an underground stadium of some kind, another wall with vines climbing up to fake skylights, and a series of fountains which empty into a large marble bath. "We could have him exclusively communicate with someone who was physically prevented from surrendering their soul."

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"Physically prevented?" says Jim. "Wow, this place is super shiny."

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"We could have them on another continent and having said-the-way-you-cannot-break that they would not give it their soul. I am glad you like the place. I can have someone bring food."

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"I was going to have the demon make me food," says Jim, "dunno if I can eat what you eat. Not sure I know what you're talking about, and anyway the issue isn't that he'd take it right now, I'm the summoner now, he'd just get them in a soul-offering mood for later."

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"Ah. He can talk with the person who is in charge of this part of the continent, then, Melkor already has his soul."

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"Not sure you're as good at English as you sound," says Jim. (The demon looks concerned.)

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"If Melkor gets to a body before the soul is destroyed he takes it, and he makes copies in Angband, millions of them, on computers so they can have experiences faster. I think it might be for information at first, but after for fun. That is why we are having a war."

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"That thing you're saying isn't the thing I'm talking about," says Jim.

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"Oh. Well, rest well."

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"Will do," says Jim, "can you show me how to turn out the lights - demon, I propose that, hm, in exchange for permission to create the English alphabet once in physical medium under paragraph-A constraints, you make me chicken parmigiana and a root beer float -"

The demon nods and hands her her dinner. She learns to turn out the lights. She shoos the demon into the hallway and goes to bed.

The demon creates a set of alphabet blocks and spells out HI, then I AM, then CAM.

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Allandur studies this with fascination. "Okay. I don't actually know how to learn an alphabet from someone who can't talk - are things spelled the way they sound?"

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KIND OF

WOULD A

MORE

PHONETIC

LANGUAGE

BE

BETER

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"If we spoke it."

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SHE ONLY

SPEAKS

ENGLISH

UNFORTUNATELY (this he spells by cannibalizing the earlier N without dismantling the rest of the word).

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"How would you spell, uh, Jim."

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JIM

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They do that for a while. "Okay, I think I can start guessing. Thanks.

Uh.

Are you okay? Are demons, generally, okay?"

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WHAT DO

YOU MEAN

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"You need her permission to do things and you can't talk or write."

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TEMPORARILY

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"Right. We were just wondering if you need help."

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THE

THING

THAT

WOULD MAKE

ME

MORE

ABLE TO

DO THINGS

WOULD BE IF

SHE

WAS

TRICKED

INTO A

PAYMENT FOR

A

TASK

THAT SHE

COULDNT

PAY

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"Can you explain how the agreement between you works?"

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SHE SETS TASKS, he writes in this tedious way, AND OFFERS PAYMENTS

I COULD SUGEST THINGS IF I COULD TALK BUT I CANT

TAKING A SUMON IS VOLUNTARY BUT I DIDNT KNOW WHO IT WAS

IF SHE DOESNT PAY THE BINDING ON ME BREAKS DOWN WITH THE PART THAT MEANS I CANT TALK GOING FIRST

SHE CAN SEND ME HOME AT ANY TIME UNLES THAT HAPENS

SOME OF THESE WORDS HAVE DOUBLE LETERS BUT IM SKIPING THEM

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"If you are sent home is there a way to get you back here?"

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THERE WOULD BE BUT SHE TRIED IT TO GET A TRANSLATOR AND IT DIDNT WORK

SUMONED BEINGS WE ARE CALLED DAEVA GET THE LANGUAGES OUR SUMONERS SPEAK

BUT WHEN SHE TRIED TO GET A FAIRY TO HAVE AN ORC SUMON NO FAIRY CAME

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"Which implies..."

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SUMONING DOESNT WORK HERE FOR SOME REASON SO YOU SHOULD NOT EXPECT YOU CAN GET ME BACK IF SHE GETS RID OF ME OR DIES

DYING ALSO GETS RID OF ME

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"She claimed you are dangerous."

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I HAVE VERY DANGEROUS POWERS

SHE DOES NOT REALY KNOW ME PERSONALY

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He stares at Cam searchingly but not as if he knows what he's looking for. "What do you want to do that you don't expect we can convince her to permit?"

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IN GENERAL I WOULD BE MORE USEFUL IF I DID NOT NEED TO VET EVERYTHING WITH JIM

NOT EVEN VET WAIT FOR HER TO SAY IT

SHE HAS ANGER ISUES AND HAS TO SEPARATELY NEGOTIATE EVERYTHING AND IS NOT ALL THAT SMART

BUT IF YOU CAN WORK THROUGH HER THATS FINE

ARE THE UGLY PEOPLE ACTUALY OKAY

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"We didn't kill them.

They're not supposed to suffer from being imprisoned particularly."

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PRISONERS OF WAR GOT IT

WHAT DID YOU SAY THE WAR WAS ABOUT

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"It's about Melkor. He's evil and we're trying to stop him, or, well, slow him down, maybe."

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THATS NOT VERY SPECIFIC

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"She, uh, said you take souls but then she said she didn't mean the thing we were saying."

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YEAH YOUR THING SOUNDED DIFERENT

I DONT TAKE PEOPLES SOULS

SOME OTHER DEMONS THINK ITS FUN

BUT MOSTLY FOR THE LOKS ON PEOPLES FACES NOT FOR ANYTHING TO DO WITH HAVING THE SOUL LATER

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"Elves and orcs have - " he reaches around behind his neck, deftly avoiding his own long hair, and taps the place where his neck meets his head - "a computer chip there. It's us. Melkor takes them so he can torture people. He started the war, before that Elves and orcs lived in peace - and before the first war there weren't orcs, he engineered them to disgust us. He attacked all the aboveground cities and he attacks the belowground ones when he knows where they are. He wants to exterminate Elves except on the computers and then just have miserable orcs everywhere fighting each other because there isn't enough space."

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I GOTA TEL YOU THAT SOUNDS PRETY FARFETCHED

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He actually looks surprised by that. "Uh, which part?"

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MOST OF IT BUT ESPECIALY THE PART ABOUT WHERE ORCS COME FROM

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"He figured out how to make Elves bear children without intending it by stuffing the children into their womb and he made hundreds of thousands of distorted experiment-people and he made his prisoners bear them. Most of them died, but he got better at it with practice. They are disgusting because it is the thing that would bother us most, and they are in constant pain because that amuses him, and they have many, many children so that he can kill them without impeding his own war efforts. ... we don't think he needs them for the war. They're just ...there, contributing to how it looks and proceeds and so on.

They might be helpful in quickly taking cities with the inhabitants alive, I guess."

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STIL SOUNDS PRETY WILD

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"We thought at first you were a Maia. They're - they're not all like that but they're all not like us, in pursuing whatever they are. When you have met more Maiar it makes more sense, that Melkor is what he is."

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I DO NOT KNOW WHAT A MAIA IS

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"There are very powerful people who have existed for as long as the universe. Melkor is among the most powerful. They don't typically have a physical form, though the sophisticated ones can if they practice it. They can all communicate with all the others, anywhere in the universe - we don't have communications that leap light except on a ship that does, but they can do that. They say the creator of the universe assigned them the task of caring for it."

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FOR REASONS THAT WOULD PROBABLY TAKE A LOT OF HISTORY LESONS TO EXPLAIN THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOUR WAR SOUND BETER

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He does the searching look thing again. "You mean more hopeless? We know it's hopeless."

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NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEAN

I AM A LITLE WORIED YOU ARE USING THIS CONVERSATION TO TEST OUT PITCHES FOR THE WAR EFORT SO YOU CAN CONVINCE JIM SO JUST SO YOU KNOW SHE CANT MAKE ME DO THINGS ONLY MAKE ME NOT DO THINGS

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Pause. "If I were trying to convince Jim of something none of the first ten things I might attempt would include a history lesson."

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WHAT I MEANT ABOUT THE HISTORY LESON WAS HISTORY FROM EARTH SO YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO COMPARE YOU AGAINST

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"Your world has wars too? That hadn't actually occurred to me, you're....hmmm... if I woke up suddenly somewhere I didn't recognize I'd kill myself even though it'd almost certainly be too late, she mostly seemed annoyed."

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WE HAVE NOT HAD MAJOR WARS RECENTLY AND IN GENERAL I DO NOT THINK SUICIDE TO PREVENT CAPTURE BY THE ENEMY HAS BEN CROSCULTURALY POPULAR

JIM HAD ME HANDY AND I AM VERY POWERFUL

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"That makes sense. You are very lucky the Enemy didn't find you first, though."

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Cam rearranges the letters into an ordering and starts tapping them instead of arranging them whole. CAN YOU STILL READ THIS ITS FASTER AND I CAN SPELL THINGS CORRECTLY

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"Yes, that works fine."

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WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF THE ENEMY HAD MET US FIRST DO YOU SUPPOSE

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"Probably he would have told a lot of lies about us and tried to get your cooperation that way, and if it didn't work erased your memories and kept trying until it did, if he can do that in people without souls, or tortured or threatened you if it didn't."

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I SEE

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"I know you can't tell whether that's actually what happened. People used to debate whether to even tell kids what happened in Angband in enough detail that that'd occur to them but, well."

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THAT WASNT WHERE MY MIND WAS GOING BUT THANK YOU FOR POINTING IT OUT I GUESS

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"I was confused about why you were saying you might not help us and someone pointed out to me that from your perspective you could have landed on the bad people, so it was on my mind I guess."

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YES THATS ABOUT THE SITUATION

ALSO LIKE THE ORCS WERE TERRIFIED BABY HAVING REFUGEES AND YOU GUYS SHOWED UP IN BOMBERS

SO WHEN I FORCED THE ISSUE OF LETTING YOU TALK I WAS NOT A HUNDRED PERCENT SURE OF THAT CALL

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He looks like he thinks of saying something, thinks better of it - 

- thinks of something else and thinks better of that too -

"Well, thank you.

....there're Maiar hidden in with the baby-having refugees some of the time, see."

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I CAN CERTAINLY IMAGINE THAT THINGS MIGHT BE SUCH THAT YOU HAVE TO OCCASIONALLY BLOW UP BABIES IT JUST ISNT HOW I NORMALLY EXPECT THINGS TO BE

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"Well, if you want to talk to people who think we should give up on the war then we can introduce you to them, though I don't know that the babies feature in their arguments."

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DONT THEY

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"I think the argument is mostly that as long as we keep fighting there's some risk of capture and if we blew up all our cities right now then there wouldn't be and everything else would be mostly - just quantitively worse, not qualitatively."

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I SEE

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"And that the Valar might intervene if there was no one left to save who they're mad at."

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WHAT ARE THOSE

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"The most powerful of the Maiar. There are fifteen who are distinctly enough stronger than all the others that it makes sense as its own category."

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WHO ARE THEY MAD AT AND WHY IS THAT STOPPING THEM IF THEY WOULD NORMALLY WANT TO PARTICIPATE

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"They are mad at the - I don't know the word, the ruler of our side of the war and his family - mostly his family - who are rulers of smaller parts of our side of the war -"

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I DONT KNOW WHAT SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT YOU HAVE SO I DONT KNOW WHAT TITLE YOUR LEADER WOULD GET IN ENGLISH

IF ITS A FAMILY THING YOU MIGHT WANT TO CALL HIM A KING

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"They're mad at the King's family, and I don't think that's the reason they haven't helped because they could, say, imprison Melkor and torture the King's whole family to death and everyone would consider it a big improvement, but some people think it might not be helping."

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CHARMING

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"The Valar are by all accounts very good rulers of people who want to obey them and are very good at it. They're just not good with anything else."

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OKAY THEN

I WAS NOT FULLY LOOPED IN TO THE CONVERSATION YOU WERE HAVING WITH JIM BEFORE YOU STARTED SPEAKING ENGLISH

WHERE WAS IT SHE SAID I WAS FROM

ITS CALLED HELL

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"The translation computer thought she said Mandos. Mandos is the god of the dead. He might have Maiar helping him he never mentioned but it'd be strange if there were billions of them, and also strange for one to make things as effortlessly as you make things."

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THERE IS MYTHOLOGY ABOUT DEAD PEOPLE GOING TO HELL

ITS NO LONGER VERY POPULAR BUT WOULD HAVE BEEN PRESENT IN THE MACHINE LEARNING CORPUS TO TRY TO MATCH

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"Huh, where do your dead people go?"

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YOU SHOULD PROBABLY KNOW THAT JIM AND I HAVE DIFFERENT BELIEFS ABOUT THAT

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"It.... doesn't really seem like the kind of thing there'd be beliefs about?"

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YOU PRESUMABLY HAVE A DIFFERENT VARIETY OF EVIDENCE THAN HUMANS DO

AT ANY RATE DEMONS AND ALSO FAIRIES AND ANGELS WHO ARE THE OTHER KINDS OF DAEVA DO NOT DIE

WERE INDESTRUCTIBLE

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"I'm sorry."

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I THINK ITS A PRETTY GOOD DEAL PERSONALLY BUT I DONT WANT TO INTRUDE ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS OR WHATEVER

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"I mean, it's nice in peacetime, but the thing about forever is that eventually there'll be a war. If Melkor hadn't been paroled maybe it would have taken another hundred thousand years, hundred million, but I just don't really expect nothing as awful as this would have ever happened. And everyone he's ever captured just wants to die."

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DAEVA WHO WANT TO DIE HANG OUT UNCONSCIOUS ON DRUGS ALL THE TIME IS MY UNDERSTANDING

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"But when the next bad thing happens they'll be gotten back, right?"

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YOU AND I ARE OPERATING ON VERY DIFFERENT UNDERSTANDINGS OF THE BACKGROUND OF THE WORLD

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".... all right. I'm glad it's not something that bothers you, anyway."

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THANKS

JIM DIDNT REMEMBER TO LET ME MAKE MYSELF ANYTHING TO EAT

I WONT BE POISONED CAN I TRY YOUR FOOD OR ARE YOU ON WAR RATIONS OR WHATEVER

I DONT WANT TO TAKE YOUR RATIONS IM NOT GONNA GET ANY HUNGRIER THAN I AM

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Again he seems to consider saying something and resists the urge. "We've got food, it's not that scarce, I'll have them bring something. There are people here - Dwarves - who were already experts at growing food underground, we were lucky that way."

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ALSO IF YOU GET JIM TO LET ME WHEN SHE WAKES UP I CAN MAKE YOU FOOD

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"That might be nice for the variety. It doesn't cost you anything, making things?"

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NOPE

RUNS DOWN NO RESOURCES OF ANY KIND BESIDES TIME A LITTLE BIT

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Someone brings a tray of food. He won't recognize anything, though it's all presented very prettily like in a nice restaurant.

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He smiles at the bearer of the tray and tastes all the things.

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They're pretty tasty. Not the best you can make for yourself if you are a demon but as good as you'd get in an average human restaurant. 

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THIS IS SURPRISINGLY NICE WAR RATIONS CONGRATULATIONS

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He smiles. "I will pass that along, thank you. It's been two hundred years, if we didn't have any tolerable things it'd be hard to keep going. A lot of people really miss the outdoors."

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YEAH THAT MAKES SENSE

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Pause. "We've intercepted enemy communications and many of them are focused on encouraging orcs in outlying areas to move to Angband. In Angband you can go outdoors, in Angband there's religious freedom, in Angband rations are doubled because there isn't the added difficulty of shipping them... we have satellites, we know the 'outdoors' one is false. We expect the others are too. But people want to dream."

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WHY IS IT DESIRABLE THAT ORCS MOVE TO ANGBAND

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"I think in the outlying areas they don't all take their oaths properly. I don't know if there's more to it than that."

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OATHS

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"Has to do with the computers in our heads. We can promise to do things in ways we can't break later. Orcs are all sworn to Melkor in a religious ceremony as soon as they can talk."

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THATS CONCERNING

YOURE SAYING YOU CAN HARD CODE YOURSELVES TO DO THINGS

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"Yes. It's mostly all right for us, but the Enemy abuses it."

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IT IS SORT OF HARD TO THINK OF INNOCENT USES

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"Trust at a parley or trade negotiation? Arranging to be unable to give up a piece of information? Settling internal power struggles in the King's family without worrying that whoever lost is going to undermine whoever won somehow?"

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I GUESS

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"They're definitely not to be used lightly."

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OR UNDER PRESSURE

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"Yeah. I can connect you to, uh, people involved with policy, on any of these topics, if you have more detailed questions."

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SURE I ASSUME YOU WERE NOT EXPECTING THIS JOB WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING

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"Not exactly. It had to be someone who didn't know anything, who went to meet you, because you had the ability to disable our weapons and so it seemed pretty likely they'd get captured."

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I DIDNT DISABLE THEM I JUST PREMATURELY EXPLODED THEM IM SURE YOU COULD HAVE HURT JIM WITH MORE CREATIVE WEAPONRY

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"And we were going to try if we'd had to but we couldn't be expecting that it'd work."

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IF YOUD HAD TO

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"It wouldn't have been my call. I don't know how they'd have decided. I can ask if you'd like. Probably if anyone looked likely to fall into enemy hands."

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SO LIKE FOR INSTANCE IF WED DECIDED NOT TO COME BACK WITH YOU AND TAKE THE ORCS WHERE THEY WANTED TO BE INSTEAD

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"And we couldn't establish communications or force the plane down safely or figure out some other way to keep you out of Angband, yes."

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UH HUH

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"If you want to argue policy with someone who makes it you can."

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I DONT KNOW THIS IS A REALLY INEFFICIENT WAY TO COMMUNICATE

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"Dwarves interface with their computers using something like that and they make it quite efficient but I don't know if there's a trick to it, someone reached out about ten minutes ago to ask."

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BINDING WONT ACTUALLY ALLOW ME TO TYPE

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"- that's weird, it'll let you tap on the blocks like that's what you're doing but not actually do that? If we set up a scanner that observes your block-tapping and produces a line of text on a screen then will you lose the ability to tap the blocks?"

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I MIGHT

GAGS ARE MEAN LIKE THAT

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"Wow. Uh, we're not really willing to trick Jim on your word about what that'll let you do, but I'm very sorry about the inability to communicate more efficiently, it doesn't seem remotely like a good way of managing risk, and if there are things we can do to make it easier you can let us know."

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I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO SET UP GAZE TRACKING IF SHE LETS ME MAKE MY COMPUTER

ITS NOT THE TIGHTEST GAG IN CIRCULATION SO IT PROBABLY DOESNT PROHIBIT THAT

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"Okay. I'll tell the person coming to talk with her in the morning."

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THANKS

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"Is there anything else I can do for you? Or pass on?"

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DOES IT HAPPEN TO BE EASY FOR YOU TO TRANSLATE ANY LOCAL READING MATERIAL

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"I bet there are people who can do that, I'll ask."

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ITD PASS THE TIME

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"And maybe be more useful for context than I am, unless you'd rather have fiction so you don't have to wonder if we're lying."

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I EXPECT TO HAVE TO SPEND SOME TIME WONDERING IF YOU ARE LYING ANYWAY SO GO AHEAD AND PROVIDE USEFUL CONTEXT

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"Okay. - I'm not super clear on how much of your annoyance is wondering if we're lying and how much is thinking we're wrong even if we're not lying."

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IM FRUSTRATED WITH A LOT OF THINGS

THE GAG AND JIMS UNSUITABILITY AS A FIRST CONTACT POINT PERSON AND THE IMPLAUSIBILITY OF SOME OF YOUR CLAIMS AND HOW SCARED THOSE ORCS WERE AND YOU NOT BEING ESPECIALLY GOOD AT STEPPING BACK FROM YOUR CONTEXT TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER CONTEXT

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"Well tomorrow, assuming they've figured out satisfactory procedures around the souls thing, you'll have people who are supposed to know diplomacy stuff and that'll help with the last one, at least. I don't know about the rest of them. I guess you could visit the orcs and promise you're looking out for them, if you wanted."

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I DO NOT KNOW THAT WATCHING ME TAP ALPHABET BLOCKS IN A LANGUAGE THEY DONT KNOW WILL BE VERY REASSURING

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"If we write a statement in Tege can you, like, point to it?"

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I ALSO DONT KNOW THAT I WANT TO ENDORSE STATEMENTS YOU WROTE IN TEGE THAT I CANNOT READ

THEY SEEMED REALLY SCARED OF YOU

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"I think Melkor tells them that Mandos will hurt then once they die, and that we know that and kill them anyway."

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THAT WOULD EXPLAIN THEM BEING SCARED YES

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"Mandos doesn't resurrect them but he doesn't hurt them, either, and if we ever won the war and had a place for them to go, people think we could get him to resurrect them or learn how to do it ourselves. That was, uh, the aspiration before everything was destroyed, learning how to do resurrections ourselves."

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WITH THE COMPUTER SOULS SOMEHOW I ASSUME

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"Yes. It's just a matter of having the backup and then building a body. Mandos has the backups."

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MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP WITH THE BODY PART

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" - oh. Yeah, I guess you would be. Anyway, orcs wouldn't feel anything between when they died and when we resurrected them, but they don't know that. I don't know if they'd prefer death to being a prisoner of war if they did."

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WHERE JIM AND I ARE FROM YOUR CLAIMS WOULD BE PARSED AS RELIGIOUS CLAIMS WHICH AS A CLASS ARE BASED ON EXTREMELY FLIMSY EVIDENCE

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He seems deeply confused by that and repeats it to himself a couple times. "Uh, thanks. I'll pass that on, too."

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THANKS

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"Thanks for, uh, letting us tell you our side of things."

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YOURE WELCOME I THINK

JIM IS LIKELY TO WANT TO SEE THE ORCS IF SHE IS MORE ON HER GAME TOMORROW

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"She seemed very stressed today."

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YEP AND SHE DOESNT COPE VERY WELL WITH STRESS

SLEEP SHOULD HELP

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"We'll make sure the orcs can receive visitors if it comes up."

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IT MIGHT ALSO MATTER TO HER WHAT CONDITIONS THEY ARE BEING KEPT IN

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He seems to consider and discard several things to say again. "Of course. It matters to us, too."

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DO YOU WANT ME TO LOOK THINGS OVER FIRST AND SEE IF YOU ARE ACCIDENTALLY DOING ANYTHING THAT WILL LOOK TERRIBLE TO HER

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"Would you like to?"

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MIGHT AS WELL

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So he takes Cam down more pretty deserted corridors to a big room that looks like it is typically a cafeteria, with a tall domed ceiling. There is food on the tables and blankets and pillows folded against one wall; there are orcs crowded around a different wall, cowering. There is beautiful music playing in the background, somewhat jarringly upbeat. 

"I'm going to stay back, if that's all right with you; some of them are obliged to try to attack any Elf they can."

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Cam sets his blocks down and arranges them. MAYBE CUT THE MUSIC

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"I'll pass that along."

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IT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE YOURE TRYING TO STOP THEM FROM SLEEPING

DO THEY HAVE CONTROL OF THE LIGHTS

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" - why would we want to stop them from sleeping? The lights are on a day/night cycle here, same as almost everywhere, it's only bedrooms that are wired so you can control the lights individually."

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I DO NOT STRONGLY EXPECT THAT YOU WOULD WANT TO STOP THEM FROM SLEEPING

HOWEVER IN THE PAST SOME HUMANS HAVE WANTED TO STOP OTHER HUMANS FROM SLEEPING

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"Okay. Thank you. That's good to know." He does not say that a sleeping orc is the next best thing to a dead orc which is the only good kind. 

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IM GOING TO GO SEE IF I CAN HELP THEM FEEL ANY BETTER WITHOUT TALKING

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME I AM INDESTRUCTIBLE

I CAN BE SHALLOWLY INJURED OR KNOCKED OVER BUT I WILL BE TOTALLY FINE EVEN IF THEY ARE VERY EMOTIONAL AND ATTACK ME

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"All right. You're not an Elf so I bet they're not bound to attack you anyway but I will tell the guards not to immediately intervene if they do."

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NOT EVEN NOT-IMMEDIATELY

IF THEY JUST KIND OF BEAT ME UP FOR A WHOLE HOUR AND I CANT CRAWL AWAY MAYBE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BUT I WANT TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER NOT PROVIDE A CONVENIENT FRONT FOR OVERPOLICING

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He raises his eyebrows just a tiny bit. "Okay."

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THANKS

And Cam abandons the blocks to stroll slowly orcward, not staring at them but keeping half an eye on them.

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When they arrive at the Elf city they are dragged off the plane and into a storage unit of some kind. Some people have been fighting the Elves and been hit on the head quite a lot. Oksa hasn't been fighting the Elves because this doesn't yet seem worse than being dead. It actually does not seem particularly bad, for Elves. The storage unit is crowded and all concrete and the ventilation is humming loudly as it blasts cold air at them but no one has killed the baby yet, or even seemed inclined to express their intent to. They arrange themselves for body heat and look after the ones who were beaten while fighting with the Elves. There's a tap for water. 

it's hard to think of a reason Elves would do this, but then, Elves are all a bit mad.

 

A while after that the door opens and they're dragged out again and that's much worse. The Elves drag them out one by one. People fight, again. They lose, again. They're dragged this time to a big room with Elf decorations and Elf music and Elf food and blankets, which would be nice, except probably they are Elf-perfumed or something. The room is unpleasant to look at; even when the Elves have departed it it feels like they are looming down from their architecture waiting to bite. No one is desperate enough to try the food. They cling to each other at the edge of the room.

They perk up considerably when the winged thing appears.

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Winged thing meanders over to them, swinging by the food on his way. Pauses to take a bite of a snack from a pile of snacks. Picks up the plate, continues. Holds out the snacks.

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When the snacks don't seem to do anything horrible to the winged thing a couple people tentatively take one.

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He watches to be quite sure they don't do anything bad to the orcs either - his reasons to think so have nothing to do with he himself not being poisoned. He smiles in a friendly manner.

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Oksa had heard that all the Maiar could read minds but maybe it wasn't all of them. Or he wasn't a Maia. 

More people take snacks. The Elf music gets significantly quieter.

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He gesture up at the diminishing music: smile? frown?

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Well they're not a fan of Elf music but they're also not a fan of changes that could portend something bad so mixed reactions on the whole, with a good dose of 'whatever you prefer'.

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Okay then. He doesn't have a lot of other angles on communicating here. He smiles at them again, then turns to go.

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Some of the kids whimper.

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He pauses and looks over at them.

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Their parents are trying to quiet them.

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Sorry kids.

He waves a wing at them and goes back out.

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"All okay? We can get you a translator once you, uh, trust us on that."

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I DONT HAVE VERY MUCH I CAN DO FOR THEM

A TRANSLATOR LATER WOULD BE GOOD

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"You could end the war, help us rebuild stuff, then they could go home."

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REALLY

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"...yeah?"

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THOSE OATH THINGS HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE THEN

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"No. But the oath is to serve Melkor. So if there were no Melkor, it'd be no problem. They took the oaths before he came back, and it was fine."

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OKAY

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"We don't like living empty childless lives underground killing everything that moves in our territory, you know, it's just that we've been out of meaningful alternatives for a really long time and anyone who decided it wasn't worth it killed themselves."

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I DONT THINK I EVER CLAIMED YOU WERE DOING THIS RECREATIONALLY

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"But you were surprised that we'd stop if we could!"

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WE HAVE A REALLY SERIOUS INFERENTIAL GAP GOING ON HERE

MAYBE THE DIPLOMATS WILL KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH THAT

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"It seems like the kind of thing they'd be good at." They return to Jim's room. They've set one up for Cam next door.

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He sets up his alphabet blocks just outside of it. DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING FOR ME TO READ

ID THINK IT WAS TOO SOON TO ASK BUT YOU LEARNED ENGLISH REALLY REALLY FAST

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"Lemme check - yeah, they've got stuff. They'll have someone bring it on over."

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THANKS

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They bring over: 

 

Emergency procedures in the event of attack, fire, earthquake, the use nearby of weapons with radioactive fallout, and various tiers of warning siren. 

A history of the Elves, the first four chapters, the rest still being translated

A history of the Dwarves, the first two chapters, the rest still being translated and run by Dwarves for approval

Helevorn's legal code

A transcript of the hearing at which the Valar paroled Melkor for his crimes during the first war

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These all seem fascinating. He will skim the emergency procedures and then start on the histories.

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Elves were created by the creator god by the side of the lake Cuivienen 4,661 years ago; they formed three tribes and spread out from there as hunter-gatherers, eventually settling most of the planet Ennor's northern continent. Melkor settled in the north, captured and tortured them, bred orcs, bred various other monstrosities, and released them onto the world; bewildered Elf civilizations, seeing their hunting parties go out and never come back and stumbling across the mutilated bodies of other bands of Elves, withdrew further and further towards Lake Cuivienen and the safety of numbers. Eventually the Valar found them and fought Melkor in a devastating war that sunk part of the north continent, and offered Elves the chance to settle on their carefully cultivated paradise planet, Valinor. Some took them up on it and some didn't. It was a 25-year journey to Valinor, accomplished by the expedient of the Valar towing a moon through space at close to lightspeed. Once there, Elves flourished and developed an advanced technological civilization, eventually inventing lightleapers with which they could return to their long-separated brethren in Ennor.

That was as far as four chapters got you. The book attributed every single technological advancement detailed to one man, Curufinwe Fëanáro, the King's eldest son and apparently responsible for inventing the compass, the calendar and the printing press, discovering the electron and the steam engine, developing powered flight and the automobile, and then inventing faster-than-light travel and the Silmarils. 

Dwarves were created by Aulë, the god of materials science, and they'd lived before the war in cities scattered across the continent, and become rich through innovation and trade. They'd abolished their governments as soon as they'd developed the internet and found it enabled less coercive solutions to the collective action problems they'd previously thought necessitated governance. That was as far as two chapters got you. 

During the hearing, the goddesses of dancing and youth, and the gods of the sea and of the airs, questioned the god of evil about why he had tortured all those Elves and created all those orcs during the first war, and he professed his profound repentance.  

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DWARVES SOUND NEAT Cam remarks.

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"Yes, they're great." They kill orcs on sight too. Actually they kill everyone on sight. It seems like probably it would be a bad idea to point that out.

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Cam's tail swishes once and he reads the legal code.

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There's a page of rules about rationing and a page of rules about unsecured electronic devices. Everyone is obliged to obey any order given by a soldier in an emergency or an emergency drill. Children are not permitted in Helevorn. Those are the only notable bits; the rest of the legal code is straightforward and wouldn't be out of place on Earth except for its brevity (four pages in total). 

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It kind of reminds Cam of the safety information pamphlet on old-time airplanes. THE STUFF I MADE FOR TRANSLATION MIGHT COUNT AS UNSECURED

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"Oh, we're assuming anything said anywhere you've been is going directly to the Enemy."

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OKAY THEN

YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO WANT TO MELT THAT SHUTTLE I MADE IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY

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"I'll pass that along, thanks."

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I HAVE A CHIP IN MY BRAIN BUT ITS A PASSIVE THING THAT LETS ME CONTROL MY COMPUTER

THE COMPUTER IS SECURE AGAINST DEMONS BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE WORKING WITH CYBERWARFAREWISE

JIM HAS A PHONE WHICH IS SECURE AGAINST HUMAN SCAMMERS BUT NOT DEMONS

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"I don't have the slightest idea what we're working with cyberwarfarewise either, for obvious reasons, but I'll pass that along as well."

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I CAN MELT MY CHIP IF JIM LETS ME OR IF ITS REALLY AN EMERGENCY IF I LET YOU DO BRAIN SURGERY ON ME BUT ID RATHER NOT UNLESS YOU CAN DETERMINE ITS ACTUALLY A PROBLEM

ID HAVE TO REMAKE IT TO USE MY COMPUTER WHICH IS SECURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE DEMONS WHO CAN CONJURE ANYTHING WHETHER THE OWNERS OF THE ANYTHING LIKE IT OR NOT

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"That makes sense. I doubt it's a problem, ours aren't and ours are networked."

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YES JUST THOUGHT ID MENTION IT FOR COMPLETENESS

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"Thanks." He suddenly stands at attention; a minute later footsteps can be heard in the hallway. 

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Cam is still sitting on the ground next to his alphabet blocks; he looks up and doesn't stand.

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"Hello."

     "Sir."

"I think we've kept you, what, six hours past end of shift? Do tell everyone it was my fault, but don't tell them more than that, please, we have attempted to maintain some ambiguity about where exactly we sent them. Can you introduce -"

   "Of course, sir. Cam, this is Prince General Canafinwë Macalaurë. The other room is Jim, she's still sleeping."

"Thank you. That'll be all."

   "Yes, sir." He leaves. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Canafinwë Macalaurë says cheerfully. "The last time new people appeared unexpectedly it was several hundred years ago and an unmitigated humanitarian disaster. We got luckier this time, and I'm deeply grateful you decided to hear us out."

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NICE TO MEET YOU taps Cam.

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"I brought the next couple chapters of the books." he pulls them out of a folder and hands them to Cam.

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THANKS Cam replies when he has accepted them.

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"Of course. The translators are enjoying the challenge. The ones working with Dwarves have gotten lots of economics lessons in the context of figuring out which words from your language corpus represent the ideas in theirs."

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IS THAT SOMETHING I CAN HELP WITH

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"You can definitely at least let them know if anything in there is confusing! And we'll arrange for you and for Jim to meet more formally with their representatives at some point, that's just complicated by trying to disguise your location." 

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MAKES SENSE

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"Is there anything else I can get you?"

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ILL WANT ANOTHER MEAL SOONER OR LATER BUT NO RUSH

ARE YOU A DIPLOMAT IN ADDITION TO A PRINCE GENERAL

YOURE MORE DIPLOMATIC THAN THE OTHER GUY BUT THAT WOULD BE A LOT OF JOBS

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"Prince isn't really a job, it's just the excuse they use to give you other jobs. Before there were any armies to command most of the jobs it dropped on me were diplomatic ones, though."

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GOTCHA

I KEEP EXPECTING TO BE ASKED A LOT MORE QUESTIONS

I WILL NOT TAKE IT TO BE PARTICULARLY HOSTILE IF YOU ASK ME A LOT OF QUESTIONS

I GUESS YOU MIGHT NOT BE SURE IF YOURE GOING TO TELL JIM WE CONVERSED

SHE WOULDNT LIKE IT

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"Answering your questions seemed a bit more urgent, as you're the one who is stuck here with no information beyond that we are religious fanatics who bomb refugees. I do have a long list, though."

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I WOULD DEFINITELY BE ASKING MORE QUESTIONS IF I COULD WRITE THINGS DOWN

LACKING THE ABILITY TO ORGANIZE MY THOUGHTS IT IS MUCH EASIER TO RESPOND TO YOURS

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"You're from a different planet than Jim's? How do people get between them? Do you happen to know where they are - any identifying attributes of the star or the galaxy -"

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I LIVE IN HELL WHICH IS A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE FROM JIMS

DEMONS CAN BE SUMMONED TO JIMS WORLD BUT DO NOT OTHERWISE LEAVE

HUMANS NEVER ENTER HELL

THATS SIMILAR FOR THE OTHER TWO DAEVA SPECIES WHO HAVE THEIR OWN WORLDS TOO

HELL STARTED OUT AS INFINITE EMPTINESS BUT DEMONS HAVE BEEN PUTTING THINGS IN IT SINCE WE STARTED EXISTING SO NOW IT HAS STUFF

JIMS WORLD HAS A LOT OF STARS AND PLANETS AND SO ON

HUMANS HAVE SETTLED ONE SOLAR SYSTEM BUT NOT GOTTEN FARTHER THAN THAT YET

THE STAR IS NEAR THE END OF AN ARM OF A SPIRAL GALAXY

ITS YELLOW AND MEDIUM SIZED AND HAS EIGHT UNAMBIGUOUS PLANETS AND SOME DWARF ONES AND AN ASTEROID BELT

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"Well, we'll look. We haven't explored much of our universe, though, I don't expect any luck with that. Do you have any ideas how you got here?"

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NOT A FUCKING CLUE

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"But you expect going back to work fine, and that happens if Jim - wants it or dies?"

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I MEAN IF SHE TRIED TO DISMISS ME OR KEELED OVER HERE AND THIS SOMEHOW DIDNT SEND ME HOME I WOULD ADMITTEDLY BE LESS SURPRISED BY THAT THAN IF SHE DID IT IN SYDNEY AUSTRALIA

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"How does 'wanting it' work, if she briefly gets annoyed and thinks "I wish I'd brought a different demon" would that do it?"

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SUSTAINED WANTING FOR ONE MINUTE AND SHE HAS TO WANT ME GONE NOT WISH SHED GONE WITH A DAVIDSONS DEMONS LIST RECOMMENDATION

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He nods slowly. "What kinds of things can you make?"

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NOT ANTIMATTER

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ALSO JIM HAS TO LET ME

I CURRENTLY HAVE STANDING PERMISSION TO ADD CAFFEINE TO MY OWN BLOODSTREAM AND TO INTERVENE HELPFULLY IN MEDICAL EMERGENCIES WHICH IS REALLY UNUSUALLY CONSIDERATE OF HER

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"How carefully specified does it need to be, could you make your own translations of our history if she let you -"

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I CAN DO FORMAT CONVERSIONS BUT NOT TRANSLATIONS UNLESS I TRANSLATE IT IN MY HEAD FIRST

ALSO NOT DECRYPTIONS EXCEPT INSOFAR AS FORMAT CONVERSION QUALIFIES FOR PARTICULARLY PRIMITIVE ENCRYPTION

FOR BOOKS TITLE AND AUTHOR DOES IT OR COMPARABLE SPECIFICITY

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"And you can do resurrections that way?"

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ALSO NOT MINDS IF DEMONS MAKE ORGANISMS THEY START ACTING FUNNY AROUND SNAIL LEVEL OF COMPLEXITY

BODIES AROUND COMPUTER CHIPS SHOULD POSE NO PROBLEM IF THE CHIP COMPLETELY CONTAINS YOUR MINDS THOUGH

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"There's actually widespread disagreement about what our brains are used for but people are still pretty much themselves when they're entirely destroyed, sometimes with some motor skill difficulties. And there are billions of demons?"

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YUP

MOST JUST HANG OUT IN HELL AND DONT TAKE SUMMONS THOUGH

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"I can see why, if Jim is typical of summoners."

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SHE IS MORE COMPETENT THAN MOST OF THEM BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME COMPETENCE IS ANTICORRELATED WITH BEING NICE TO DEMONS IN PARTICULAR

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"I wouldn't really expect being rude to people to produce better working partnerships."

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NO I MEAN THAT IF ID HAD ONE OF THE NICER SUMMONERS THERE WOULD BE HOLES IN MY BINDING I COULD DO SOME DAMAGE WITH WERE I SO INCLINED

IM NOT SO INCLINED BUT SOME DEMONS MIGHT BE

IT IS A POPULAR REASON TO TAKE SUMMONSES IN THE FIRST PLACE

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"So an adversarial relationship all around, really."

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ITS NOT GREAT

THE PROBLEM IS MOSTLY THAT DEMONS ARE HARD TO PAY

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"Oh? What do demons tend to want?"

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SEX IS TRADITIONAL

SOULS SOMETIMES OR OPPORTUNITIES FOR VIOLENCE

THESE DAYS PEOPLE TRY TO USE MEDIA RECOMMENDATIONS AS A FIRST LINE OR TAKING US TO TOURIST DESTINATIONS SOMETIMES BUT SINCE THEY DONT LET US TALK THEIR FINE CUSTOMIZATION IS NOT GREAT

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"Have you seen anything here that you'd like?"

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I AM INCLINED TO OPERATE OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART AND THEN WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER PIRATE ALL YOUR ART

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"If this is ever over there is nothing that we'd begrudge you."

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I ALSO HAVE A LONG FRUSTRATED TERRAFORMING AMBITION

HOWEVER I THINK WE HAVE TO ASSUME MY PRESENCE HERE IS LIMITED BY IF NOTHING ELSE JIMS LIFESPAN

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"Yeah, we've never gotten anywhere with human mortality. I'm sorry about that."

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THAT SOUNDS ODDLY SPECIFIC

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"Humans are the only species we know of with an expiration date. Well, and animals outside Valinor; no luck with those either."

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THATS

I WAS GOING TO SAY THATS COOL BUT THE OTHER GUY WAS SUPER DEPRESSED SO I DONT KNOW HOW COOL YOU THINK IT IS

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"I think everyone without a soul probably gets the better deal, all things considered, but it'd be immensely frustrating to have as little time as humans do." Sigh. 

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YEAH I LIKE BEING IMMORTAL SO FAR BUT TO BE FAIR IM ONLY A HUNDRED AND SEVENTY TWO EARTH YEARS

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"I'm coming up on 3000. And I like being alive - I think Allandur does too - it's just, you know, hard for many people to make the case it's worth it in expectation."

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YOU ALL HAVE PTSD I GET IT

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"I don't know that word."

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IT IS A PSYCHOLOGICAL REACTION HUMANS HAVE TO EXTREME STRESS AND TRAUMA COMMONLY FOUND IN VETERANS AND ABUSE VICTIMS

IT STANDS FOR POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

OBVIOUSLY YOU ARENT HUMANS SO THE DETAILS WILL DIFFER

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"That is probably part of it, but if the Enemy started just killing prisoners, or only torturing them for a decade or something, I think that'd change everyone's outlook."

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THE ORCS WERE PRETTY AFRAID OF YOU GUYS TOO

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"Yep. My understanding is that the Enemy justifies everything he does by telling the orcs that Mandos tortures them when they die. Everyone except the Dwarves and humans expects eternal torture if they lose, it's fantastic."

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IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD MAKE SUING FOR PEACE AWFULLY HARD

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"We tried, very early on in the war."

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HOWD THAT GO

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"They set up an ambush at the site of the parley and took everyone prisoner. One of them was my brother. We got a copy of him back, a few years later. It took a lot of editing to get anything coherent off the chip but now he exists. He thinks this is all an elaborate hallucination and he spins up and destroys copies of himself whenever it's mildly convenient and occasionally he makes ten thousand copies to destroy all but one a minute later, so that he can have the experience of expecting to die soon."

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UH

YIKES

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"That's actually the best outcome from a rescue copy in recorded history! We're all very proud of him."

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WHATS THE USUAL RESULT

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"Usually you just can't get anything coherent out of them and it's not clear they understand language anymore. They tend to calm down if they're in pain, oddly. Some people tried for decades, with victims of the enemy in the first war, and eventually got them to explain that they were cooperating with continued existence because this was a better situation than the one that'd likely replace it, and that obviously it'd be better to be dead, if only you could."

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THATS VERY CONCERNING

ARE YOU CONFIDENT THIS IS ACTUALLY ACHIEVED THROUGH TORTURE AND NOT EDITING YOUR CHIP CODE OR SOMETHING

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"My brother says so. It's possible he knows some kind of transformation that replaces someone with the person they'd be after a couple thousand years of torture without the intermediate steps, but in that case I don't know what he's using all the servers for. - he's covered about eighty thousand square miles of land with them, and there're believed to be many more underground."

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YOU COULD ASK JIM TO LET ME CONJURE TO VERIFY THESE THINGS

I CAN DO THEM IN MINIATURE

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"And not functional, I hope."

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CANT MAKE MINDS REMEMBER

BUT I CAN ALSO LEAVE OUT THEIR POWER SUPPLIES TO BE EXTRA SURE

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"I'll mention it to Jim when she wakes up."

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SHE CANT MAKE ME DO THINGS BUT SHE CAN MAKE ME DO THINGS COMPLETELY OR NOT AT ALL

SO IF SHE ASKS ME TO DO SOMETHING AND THEN I DONT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HOW MUCH OF IT I WOULD HAVE TO DO IF NOT WITH THE SPIRIT OF THE THING

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"Please don't bury us all in miniature servers, then. There are a lot of them."

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SUGGEST TO HER THAT SHE SPECIFY A SCALE

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"Will do."

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WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO KNOW

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"Do you actually expect our treatment of the orcs is going to be a source of stress to Jim or did that just seem like the best way to get more control over it?"

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I DO NOT KNOW A LOT ABOUT JIMS LEVEL OF EARTH HISTORY KNOWLEDGE OR HOW MOTIVATED SHE WILL BE TO CARE

I DO NOT ACTUALLY KNOW HER THAT WELL

BUT I BELIEVE A TYPICAL HUMAN FROM HER WORLD WILL BE UPSET TO BE CONFRONTED WITH ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES RENOWNED INTRAHUMAN ATROCITIES

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"And are those ongoing or all settled now?"

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THINGS ARE VERY NICE NOW PRETTY MUCH SINCE DAEVA BECAME WIDELY KNOWN WHICH WAS ABOUT A HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS AGO

ENDING MATERIAL SCARCITY HELPS A LOT YOU SEE

BUT PEOPLE STILL LEARN IN SCHOOL ABOUT HISTORICAL GENOCIDES AND SUCH

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Nod.

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THERE WERE KIND OF A DEPRESSING NUMBER

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"Who set up the conditions for them?"

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CAN YOU REPHRASE THAT

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"Well, here, you can say that we are responsible because we shoot the orcs, or that the orcs were responsible when they sacked Serech or Mithrim or Rivil, but it was Melkor who decided he wanted us all killing each other and entangled the orcs in their oaths and then destroyed our homeland and killed the King to get it started."

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INTRAHUMAN GENOCIDES ARE DIFFERENT I THINK

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"Ah." Sigh. 

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THE BEST KNOWN IS THE HOLOCAUST

I WOULD NEED TO LOOK THINGS UP TO DESCRIBE IT ACCURATELY IN ANY BUT THE MOST CURSORY DETAIL BUT YOU CAN ASK JIM TO LET ME MAKE BOOKS ABOUT IT IF YOU WANT

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"It seems like the kind of thing that's good to know about. Do you think Jim will prefer to talk to someone with no part in running our government these last few centuries?"

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SHE MIGHT GO EITHER WAY ON THAT

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He looks briefly distracted - very briefly, really - then nods. "I think I'll stay. I appreciate the context."

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YOURE WELCOME

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"Will your disappearance cause alarm at home?"

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JIMS WILL MINE WONT

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"Should we expect that others might show up looking for her?"

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NOT UNLESS WHATEVER SENT US HERE IS STARTLINGLY REPLICABLE

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"Mmhmm. I'm contemplating whether to change our handling of orcs in our territory. Obviously, I'd prefer the orcs be all right, and I'd prefer for prospective allies to not feel like we are being precisely as awful as we think we can get away with even once we know they don't approve, and I'd prefer that you not have to spend a significant share of your time and energy checking. On the other hand if some show up in our territory and nothing happens he'll send a million and it'll be worse if we respond at that point."

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I AM AT A DISADVANTAGE AT PREDICTING WHAT WILL HAPPEN OBVIOUSLY

BUT THAT SOUNDS PRETTY STRATEGICALLY WEIRD AS A THING FOR HIM TO DO

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"Why? He doesn't care about losing a million orcs, they reproduce very quickly and it is not clear he actually needs them for his war objectives."

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THE SITUATION BEING SUCH THAT HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT LOSING A MILLION ORCS AND DOESNT NEED THEM FOR HIS WAR OBJECTIVES SOUNDS REALLY WACKY

LIKE THERE ARE TACTICS THAT LOOK A LITTLE LIKE THAT BUT NOT THE WAY YOURE DESCRIBING

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"His war objectives seem to involve battles that kill a million orcs and ten thousand of us every once in a while. It's deeply unclear what he gets out of it."

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WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND HIS ULTIMATE GAME PLAN HERE TO BE

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"Rule the world, exterminate all free peoples, maybe figure out a way to take on Valinor but he's not likely to find one."

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AND THE ORCS ARE INCIDENTAL SET DRESSING

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"I think they were necessary in the early stages. I think there are still things for which having a billion orcs is necessary. Beyond that...yes, it kind of seems that way."

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YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO IMAGINE HOW WEIRD THAT SOUNDS

WHY DOESNT HE HAVE A LOT OF ORC REBELLIONS ON HIS HANDS

OATHS IM GUESSING BUT LIKE WHY DOES THAT WORK AT SCALE HOW DID IT START

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"I think the first ones he created swore to make sure their children take the same oath. There might be rebellions, too, but there aren't a lot of food sources, they wouldn't get very far even without oaths. And it's possible to misinform people about whether the battles they're fighting are necessary ones, if they only have a sliver of the tactical situation."

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ISNT THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT OATHS AT ALL

ERADICATE THEM WITH A COMPUTER VIRUS OR SOMETHING

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"We've looked into it - uh, not with oaths specifically at a target, at any chip vulnerabilities at all. We didn't find anything, but that doesn't mean it's not there."

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WHO DESIGNED THESE THINGS

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"Purportedly Eru."

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THATS THE LOCAL CREATOR GOD

UH

NOT SURE WHERE TO START EXPLAINING BACKGROUND CONTEXT ON THAT ONE

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"The information we have about Eru's existence, preferences, and abilities is as follows: the Valar have abilities not within physics as we understand them, and claim to be older than the universe. They tell us that Eru is the creator of the universe, and their creator, and charged them with forming the planets on which the younger races would be born and looking after us once we began to exist. They tell us that Eru loves us and pays attention to all living things and has compassion for everyone. They tell us that Dwarves exist because Aulë designed them but Eru gave them life. They tell us that Eru's vision for us had a number of specific attributes - that it's Eru's intent which is reflected in marriages, for instance, and that it was Eru's intent they govern us, and Eru's intent we have Kings. There's some evidence for that last one, the royal family of the Noldor is remarkable to a degree that I don't think is best explained by having had more opportunities to show it off. Everyone pretty much took their word for it back when they seemed good at their jobs, but lately they've left us all to this and people are angry at them and this has manifested in some speculation about whether Eru really has all the traits attributed to him. 

We've still been assuming he had to exist, though, because the Elves do remember awakening at Cuivienen, I've spoken with people who were there. And the Dwarves started existing shortly after that, they have their own archeological records to that effect and their own survivors from the beginning. And we know that a few years after we got here, the race of Men started existing, to catastrophic effect. 

But on the other hand, here you are, so it's technically conceivable that people being dropped here is not best interpreted as the actions of the creator god and that there's some other force doing it. It seems likelier to me that Eru put you here but, well, we're at least giving it some thought."

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SO IN JIMS WORLD SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE IN GODS AND I USE THAT PHRASING BECAUSE LOTS OF PEOPLE JUST DONT AT ALL

THE PRINCIPAL EVIDENCE FOR THE GODS AND ABOUT THEIR PREFERENCES IS WRITINGS MUCH OLDER THAN ANY HUMAN MANY TIMES OVER AND ALSO WHAT PEOPLE HAPPEN TO GUESS OR IMAGINE OR FEEL THEY ARE BEING DIVINELY LED TO UNDERSTAND OR REPORTS OF SUPPOSEDLY OTHERWISE IMPOSSIBLE OCCURRENCES

AS WE HAVE LEARNED MORE THINGS ABOUT THE UNIVERSE IT HAS BECOME MORE MAINSTREAM TO CONSIDER IT MOST LIKELY THAT THE WRITINGS ARE FICTION AND THE GUESSING AND IMAGINING IS JUST SOMETHING HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY DOES

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"Huh. Uh, the Valar exist and have the abilities attributed to them, I've studied under them and watched them at it. We fight Maiar and there are Maiar that fight with us and they demonstrate a similar range of abilities. Eru... it's not obviously the wrong category for Eru but the Valar and Maiar aren't.... that thing."

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BUT ERU COULD JUST BE SOMETHING VALAR AND MAIAR PSYCHOLOGY DOES

HOWEVER TELL ME ABOUT THE RACE OF MEN STARTING EXISTING THING THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HECK OF A THING

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"Yep. So Melkor broke his parole in Valinor, murdered the King, and fled on a stolen ship. He had lieutenants here, and they moved ahead with their plans for a war here as soon as it'd no longer tip anyone in Valinor off in time to stop him. The orcish nations united under a Maia who serves Melkor - called Thauron - and attacked their neighbors. Their neighbors - well, there'd never been a war. They didn't have any weapons. We arrived about a month later and it was practically already over. 

We didn't have weapons either, not really, but Valinor had a dramatic technological advantage over Endorë and even our improvisations were competitive. We dug out some lines and held them. We invented weapons that let us hold them better. We started pushing back. The Enemy held us to a pretty slow advance by accepting astonishing casualties - it's estimated that a billion orcs died, in the first year of the fighting. A hundred twenty million on our side, but ninety percent of that was before we arrived. My father was killed. The Enemy asked for a parley, I told you how that went.  Both sides were working frantically on tanks, aircraft, anti-aircraft - inventions that seemed likely to get the fight out of the trenches -

- and then humans showed up! Some of them between our lines and the enemy lines, some of them on one side or the other."

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WHEN YOU SAY SHOWED UP

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"The field was free of humans and then contained some. Naked. All adults. They had a language - different groups had different ones."

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DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE VIDEO EVIDENCE OF THIS YOU COULD PROVIDE ON CONVINCINGLY SHORT NOTICE

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"It's not very good, it's from satellites, but I'll have them send it over."

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THANKS

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"There were about eighty thousand of them, we think. Hard to get a confident estimate of how many landed inside Enemy lines."

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WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HAPPENED TO THOSE

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ONES ON YOUR SIDE

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"At first the ones that landed somewhere safe did hunting and gathering. That stopped being viable after not very long because we didn't consistently have the air supremacy to keep them safe at it, and because they were all living exceptionally short lives and we thought maybe they'd live longer in our cities. They do, but still not very long - whenever we fix one thing that's killing them they die of something else, and there are sharply diminishing returns. Now they live in politically independent, but socially integrated, cities under the King. There are none enlisted with us or we'd have sent some to meet you."

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CAN YOU ELABORATE ON POLITICALLY INDEPENDENT BUT SOCIALLY INTEGRATED

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"They work many of the same jobs, they live side-by-side with Elves and Dwarves, they buy things in the same shops, but their internal disputes are managed by their own governments - elected, I think, in most cases, in some they're hereditary or an odd combination of both - and their governments negotiate with the King's government the details of joint military operations, immigration, rationing, job requirements, etcetera."

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WHAT ABOUT INTERSPECIES DISPUTES

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"There are treaties covering that. With Dwarves I know our government pays a Dwarven dispute resolution firm and I think the human governments mostly do the same."

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AND PEOPLE SAID ANARCHOCAPITALISM WOULD NEVER WORK IN PRACTICE

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"Anar -cho- capitalism?" he sounds out uncertainly.

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ITS PRONOUNCED ANARKO

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"I expect the Dwarves will be delighted you have a word for it even if you haven't implemented it. - I'm not sure it'd work with humans. Dwarves are on average different than humans in ways that seem conducive to the success of their system of government."

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YEAH THAT SEEMS LIKELY TO BE AN OPERATIVE FACTOR

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"How do demons mostly govern themselves?"

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WE DONT

WERE JUST ANARCHY WITHOUT THE CAPITALISM

THERE ARE LIKE NEIGHBORHOOD ASSOCIATIONS

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"Elves aren't very inclined to need governance either, when we're not at war. The monarchy used to be entirely toothless."

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HOW DID PEOPLE TAKE TO IT GROWING TEETH

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"It caused a degree of pain and confusion and loss that was very quickly dwarfed by all the other pain and confusion and loss but that, if not for the war, would certainly have qualified as one of the great tragedies of its time."

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Sigh.

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SO YOU HAVENT HAD ANY OTHER WARS JUST THIS ONE HUGE ONE

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"There were, I think, six violent crimes in Valinor in the twenty-five hundred years before the war."

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"When we have a chance we're just - fine."

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SIX IS AN INSANE NUMBER

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"There were tens of millions of us. Occasionally someone would end up in a bad situation and make a bad decision - usually intoxicated -"

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INSANE IN THE OTHER DIRECTION

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"Ah. Humans have a high crime rate but we assume it's because they all die so young - they mostly commit crimes in their twenties. Elves are this high, at that age." He gestures around his waist.

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YEAH BUT STILL

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"I realize it seems more implausible when approximately all you've seen us do is crimes."

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IT SURE DOESNT HELP

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"It's in the books, if you want more detail."

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I LOOK FORWARD TO READING THEM

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"And it sounds like it'd be valuable for you to learn our language, if you're interested."

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ID LOVE TO AND I HAVE LEARNED LANGUAGES THE LONG WAY A FEW TIMES BUT WILL BE VERY BADLY INHIBITED BY NOT BEING ABLE TO WRITE NOTES

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"That makes sense." Sigh. "I'm happy to set it up if it's still worth the time."

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SET WHAT UP

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"Language lessons. Inconveniently most of our history is in Quenya and the language widely spoken today is Thindarin."

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INCONVENIENT

I AM WILLING TO TRY TO PICK UP THE BASICS OF WHICHEVER AND IF THEY ARE RELATED MIGHT BE ABLE TO LEARN THEM OKAY IN PARALLEL

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"They are related! But a bit distantly."

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HOW DISTANTLY

FOR REFERENCE HERE IS THIS SENTENCE I AM PRODUCING NOW RENDERED WITHOUT ACCENT MARKS IN SPANISH FRENCH TWO DIALECTS OF PORTUGUESE AND ITALIAN AND LATIN AND GERMAN IN THAT ORDER

(he repeats that sentence in Spanish, French, two dialects of Portuguese, Italian, and Latin and German, in that order)

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"My linguist says maybe Spanish and Italian."

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COOL THATS REALLY CLOSE I CAN PROBABLY DO THOSE SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH A GOOD ENOUGH TEACHER

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"That I can get you."

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THANKS

BE CAREFUL HOW YOU PRESENT THIS TO JIM

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"I wasn't planning to mention we'd talked, beyond that you spelled out your name."

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I MEAN SHELL WONDER WHERE I AM IF IM OFF GETTING LANGUAGE LESSONS WHILE SHES AWAKE

BUT I GUESS YOU COULD PLAN TO NEVER HAVE ME EVEN READING ANYTHING IN YOUR LANGUAGES EXCEPT AT NIGHT

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"Why don't I try to feel out today how much she will expect language lessons to compromise our judgment."

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SURE

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"All your advice is very much appreciated."

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YOURE WELCOME

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"Apparently they have a bit more of the books, too." Someone steps in and gives him another folder. 

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Wag wag.

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He leans back against the wall and starts singing, softly.

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- whoa! Wag wag wag.

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He smiles absently and sings just the slightest bit louder. 

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I DONT SUPPOSE YOU HAVE VIOLINS

PROBABLY WOULDNT MAKE SENSE ANYWAY I WONT BE ABLE TO READ YOUR SHEET MUSIC AND IM NOT ALL THAT GOOD

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He seems to consider it quite important actually. "I'm not going to be able to guess whether we have it from the word. You can look at pictures of what we do have?" And he pulls out a tablet and pulls up images of instruments.

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Cam mimes.

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They don't have violins but they have something fairly similar. "I can get a tutor to help you pick up the difference if you'd like."

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YOU REALLY DONT HAVE TO DO THAT

IT WILL NOT MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO HOW WILLING I AM TO HELP AND IT WONT IMPRESS JIM EITHER

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"I wasn't expecting it to. Do you want it?"

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YEAH

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"Oh good! I'll line someone up."

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WHY DO YOU EXPEND SO MUCH ENERGY ON AESTHETICS

I MEAN IM NOT COMPLAINING THAT THIS ISNT A CONCRETE BUNKER BUT WHY ISNT IT ONE

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"We couldn't live like that. It'd be like - why do you take time off from work, except I suppose I don't know if demons do..."

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I DONT SPEND ALL MY TIME ON SUMMONSES BUT I USUALLY DONT SLEEP

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"Elves can't skip sleep for too long or we'll physically and mentally deteriorate."

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SAME WITH HUMANS BUT DAEVA DONT GET ALL THAT TIRED AND CAFFEINE FIXES THE REST OF IT

SAME WITH HUNGER AND THIRST AND STUFF IT JUST DOESNT GET FAR

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"I knew someone who would have loved that. We have the same limitations as humans, though generally take longer to deteriorate because of being better-designed in the first place, and unlike humans we also need a tolerable environment. The ideal is open, beautiful cities with beautiful surroundings - Valinor was like that - but we can handle some amount of ugliness and some amount of confinement if it's balanced against the other."

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YOURE SAYING YOU LITERALLY NEED TO BE IN PRETTY PLACES TO SURVIVE

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"Yes?"

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WEIRD

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"It doesn't seem odder than needing sleep, to me."

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SLEEP DOESNT MAKE SENSE AS A NONESSENTIAL FEATURE

WHY WOULD IT EVEN EXIST IF IT WERE NONESSENTIAL

ITS NOT LIKE ITS A SURVIVAL ADVANTAGE

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"Well, we were hardly designed to maximize survival in a hostile environment."

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ASSUMING YOU WERE DESIGNED BUT YEAH OKAY

WHY DO YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE HUMANS

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"We, ah, always framed the question the other way."

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JIMS SPECIES HAS BEEN AROUND FOR HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS I DONT KNOW ABOUT THE LOCAL VARIETAL

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's possible Eru was looking at neighboring universes for creative inspiration. Or to try to do better something that was done somewhere."

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SUPPOSE THATS AS GOOD A THEORY AS ANY

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"I'd love to have more to work with. If people sometimes hop universes we could evacuate this one."

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WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO ASK SOME DEMONS TO ATTEMPT TO DESIGN SUMMONING CIRCLES FOR ELVES

NO WAY ITLL WORK BUT SOMEBODY MIGHT THINK ITS FUN

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"Sure, why not?"

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I WILL DICTATE YOU A LETTER

I WILL EXPLAIN THE RULES OF UPPER AND LOWER CASE LETTERS AND PUNCTUATION

THEN DICTATE YOU A LETTER

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"Upper and lower case letters?"

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THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS OF EVERY LETTER

I AM COMMUNICATING IN ENTIRELY UPPER CASE LETTERS WHICH IS ACTUALLY RUDE IN MOST CONTEXTS FUN FACT

USUALLY YOU ONLY CAPITALIZE WHICH IS TO SAY RENDER IN UPPER CASE THE FIRST LETTER OF A SENTENCE OR PROPER NOUN AND ALSO SOMETIMES OTHER WORDS FOR EFFECT AND ENTIRE WORDS OR PHRASES TO REPRESENT SHOUTING OR ON CERTAIN SIGNAGE

WHERED THOSE TRANSLATORS JIM WAS USING GO THOSE WILL HAVE THEM

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They are fetched.

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Cam identifies lower-case versions of each letter. He can't find an X. ITS OKAY LOWER CASE X JUST LOOKS LIKE CAPITAL X ONLY SHORTER

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"It's a fascinating system. Who designed it?"

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I BELIEVE IT EVOLVED IN STAGES FROM THE PHOENECIAN ALPHABET AND WAS IN PRETTY MUCH THIS FORM AROUND THE TIME LATIN WAS SPOKEN BUT I DONT REMEMBER WHEN WE DROPPED THORN OR WHEN GERMAN INTRODUCED THE ESZETT OR OTHER DETAILS LIKE THAT

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"Huh. I guess in an entirely human society languages would end up changing over time much more than just what's agreed to be prettier or necessary to accommodate new words and ideas."

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OH YEAH CONSTANTLY

NOT JUST ALPHABETS

ALPHABETS ARE SLOW COMPARED TO ACCENTS AND VOCABULARY AND EVEN GRAMMAR

Permalink Mark Unread

"We change vowels sometimes if the linguistic guilds are in agreement, and we change words more frequently than that. I don't think grammar has ever changed."

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BUT THAT LOSES YOU SO MANY CHARMING OPPORTUNITIES FOR NONCE SENTENCE PATTERNS

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"People do... talk ungrammatically sometimes for their amusement? They're just being wrong when they do."

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I FEEL LIKE THAT LOSES SOMETHING COMPARED TO THE SENSE THAT IF YOUR NONCE SENTENCE PATTERN IS CHARMING ENOUGH IT WILL BECOME CORRECT BY SHEER FORCE OF ITS POPULARITY

MAYBE THATS JUST ME THOUGH

ANYWAY YEAH HUMAN LANGUAGES CHANGE CONSTANTLY ITS LOADS OF FUN

JIM IS SHORT FOR JAMES AND JAMES USED TO BE A BOYS NAME

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"Huh." He gets a notepad with which to practice the upper and lower case letters, and does them all. They're gorgeous. 

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YOU HAVE LOVELY PENMANSHIP

THIS HERE IS A COMMA AND THIS IS AN APOSTROPHE AND THAT ONE IS A PERIOD WHICH FOR HISTORICAL REASONS I WILL WRITE IN AS THE WORD STOP INSTEAD

LETTER TO FOLLOW

MEMBERS OF THE SOCIETY COMMA IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THERE EXISTS A SIXTH WORLD STOP I INVITE YOU TO FORENSICALLY CONJURE MY SURROUNDINGS FOR DETAILS STOP PERHAPS IT WOULD AMUSE YOU TO KNOW THAT SOME OF THE INHABITANTS ARE INTERESTED IN LEAVING THEIR WORLD FOR PLEASANTER CLIMES STOP FIND ENCLOSED THE NAMES OF SEVERAL VOLUNTEERS WHICH MAY BE USED IN EXPERIMENTAL CIRCLES STOP I DO NOT EXPECT RESULTS BUT IT MAY BE A DIVERTING USE OF AN AFTERNOON STOP POSTSCRIPT COLON CHECK OUT THEIR MUSIC STOP SINCERELY COMMA CAM COMMA MAIL LABEL QUOTATION MARK LETTER TO CAM QUOTATION MARK HEREBY ADDRESSED TO THE SOCIETY OF THE LAMPLIT GROVE

SORRY I FORGOT I WAS GOING TO NEED QUOTATION MARKS AND A COLON A COLON IS TWO PERIODS ARRANGED VERTICALLY AND A QUOTATION MARK IS A PAIR OF COMMAS CLOSE TOGETHER AND REFLECTED VERTICALLY

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He renders this very carefully, adding some flourishes to his penmanship as he gets more confident with the letters but not so much so the letter is visibly unbalanced. "How do I send it?"

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YOU HAVE

THEY CHECK THE MAIL LABEL HEREBY ADDRESSED TO THE SOCIETY OF THE LAMPLIT GROVE

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"That's amazing."

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I KNOW RIGHT

THE SOCIETY PUBLISHES A CUTE LITTLE MAGAZINE AND I THINK LETS TRY TO DESIGN ELF SUMMONING CIRCLES IS THE SORT OF THING THEYD LIKE TO PUT AS A FEATURE

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"I expect the volunteers will all be delighted if it works."

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YOU SHOULD ADD SOME SO THEY GET THE LIST

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He attaches a long list of names, written in gloriously swoopy characters with transliterations.

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TA DA

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"If it worked it'd be quite something."

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ITS NOT GONNA YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF THAT BUT YEAH

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"We're not expecting it." Sigh. "We really don't expect good things much."

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I HAVE NOTICED THIS SOMEHOW ALREADY DESPITE OUR SHORT ACQUAINTANCE

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"It's only because you haven't been talking to my brother, he's a fountain of sunshine."

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THIS IS THE ONE WHOSE HOBBY IS BEING ABOUT TO DIE RIGHT

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yep. He's a really good liar, I only found out about the hobby because our computing usage would suddenly spike during idle periods and I was trying to figure out why."

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WHAT A CUTE STORY THAT WOULD BE IF IT WERENT SO VERY UNCUTE

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"It sounds like you could probably give him a body. He's thinking about whether this is a good idea."

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WOULD HE FIND IT ENTERTAINING TO TRY MORE KINDS OF SUICIDE

THERE ARE PROBABLY BETTER USES OF JIMS GOODWILL EVEN IF WE RUN OUT OF MORE USEFUL THINGS FOR ME TO DO

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"Yeah, I think he probably shouldn't get a body if he's not going to be able to handle keeping it alive."

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WHATS IT USEFUL FOR

I MEAN I USE MINE FOR STUFF BUT WHAT LITTLE I KNOW OF HIM DOES NOT SUGGEST HE WOULD FIND IT PARTICULARLY FUN

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He doesn't answer for a second, then makes a face.

"I don't know."

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GOTCHA

DONT YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BODILESS CHIPS HANDY FOR PROOF OF CONCEPT

I GUESS IF SOMETHING MIGHT GO HORRIBLY WRONG TESTING ON A CONVENIENTLY DUPLICABLE SUICIDAL PERSON IS ONE WAY TO HANDLE THAT

BUT THERES NOTHING OBVIOUS THAT WOULD GO HORRIBLY WRONG

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"There are salvaged chips of people who'd probably want to be alive, I expect we can find one whose relatives think they'd agree to be a test subject."

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THERE YOU GO

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"I hope we don't run out of Jim's goodwill too soon."

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WELL ITS NOT LIKE SHE CAN GO HOME SO SHE WILL PROBABLY WANT TO FIGURE OUT SOME USEFUL WORKING RELATIONSHIP

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"Mmhmm. - why did you give us the chance to talk with her?"

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THE ORCS DIDNT KNOW VERY MUCH AND ONCE YOU WERE CLEARLY TRYING TO TALK AND NOT SHOOT US I FIGURED IT WAS A GOOD CHANCE TO HEAR MORE SIDES OF THE STORY AND JIM MIGHT NOT HAVE BOTHERED IF THEY HAD A GOOD SPIEL

I WASNT VERY CONFIDENT OF IT BUT BETTER TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON BEFORE COMMITTING TO ANYTHING

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Nod.

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AND FORTUNATELY SHE MADE YOU LEAVE THE ORCS ALIVE SO WE CAN STILL TALK TO THEM WHEN THE TRANSLATOR HAS HAD LONGER TO CHEW ON ITS DATA

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"Of course." 

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IF JIM QUOTES A PHRASE GOING KILL THEM ALL AND LET GOD SORT THEM OUT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT BEING COMPLIMENTARY

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"Does seem like a policy it'd be terribly destructive to adopt with human populations."

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AND YET

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Nod.

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ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO KNOW

IM NOT SURE WHAT TIME IT IS BUT IT FEELS LIKE WEVE BEEN TALKING FOR A WHILE SINCE THIS IS SUCH A TIME CONSUMING WAY TO CHAT

AND JIM MIGHT WAKE UP

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"She's been sleeping for slightly longer than humans here normally sleep but she had a very stressful day. I don't think there's anything else urgent on our end. Thank you."

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YOURE WELCOME

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More quiet singing from Elf general princes, then.

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Cam listens with his tail swishing quietly till Jim, yawning and her hair a bird's nest, opens the door.

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He has stopped singing a beat before that. "Good morning."

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"Morning," says Jim. "Demon, I want a cup of Martian breakfast and OJ and a huevos rancheros the same way you made 'em the other day per our extended."

Cam hands her a tray.

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He waits patiently while she gets her breakfast. 

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Nom nom. "I can have it make you something too, if you want."

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"Thank you! I'm all right, I ate right before I came over. It's good to meet you. I'm Canafinwë Macalaurë. People who find that a mouthful go with Maglor."

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"Nice to meet you, Maglor. I'm Jim.". She notices the alphabet blocks. "Heh."

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"We asked his name and got, ah," he pulls the C, the A, and the M. "Is it read right-to-left or left-to-right?"

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"Left to right. Mac? Cam?"

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He orders them C-A-M. "Like so."

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"Cam. Huh. Not a very demony sounding name."

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"We'd love to learn more about your world and about demons - which we've never encountered before - but I've told all our sociologists to hold off for now, in case there were things you wanted to cover first. We have a team of people working to learn about how you got here and whether we can send you back safely, and we have a tour lined up if you'd like to learn your way around."

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"I'd like a tour, yeah. What do you want to know?"

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"Let's start the tour this way! We'll head through some residential areas towards the city center, there's a lot more to point out once we get there. What is a demon? What can they do?"

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"Demons are a kind of daeva, which means we can summon them. Or usually can, I tried to get a fairy to convince to translate with the orcs earlier but it didn't work. Demons are the kind that make things, you've seen it."

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"Huh, do you have any idea why trying to get a fairy didn't work?" They walk past some elaborate trimmed hedges and flower gardens between residences. There's an elevator at the end of the hall; it's just a platform on the floor with partial walls, no ceiling.

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"I don't know," says Jim. She stops to smell the flowers. "Generic circles are usually answered right away, it's not like I was trying for someone in particular and they were in the shower right then.
Hoo boy that's a heck of an elevator you could fall right out of that thing."

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" - oh, I'm sorry, there are stairs we can take if you'd rather."

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"Yeah, unless we're going up a lot of stories."

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"We'll be going down four." The stairs are around a corner in a sculpture garden.

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She trots down the stairs, Cam following. He trips and tumbles, managing to catch the banister before he crashes into Jim.

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"Are you all right?"

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He sits up. He can't nod, but he can wag once, get up, and continue more carefully.

"It's fine," Jim says, "daeva are indestructible."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Really? That's so fascinating! Do they do all the dangerous jobs in your world?"

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"Sometimes, sure, but mostly they do magic and some translating."

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"What magic do fairies and angels do?"

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"Fairies move stuff, angels change it. So you see fairies in transit and power generation, angels in disposal and medicine."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That sounds really nice. And are only demons dangerous?"

The stairs wind down into a space the size of a stadium, with live trees growing between little glass and wooden vendor stands. There's the impression that a choir is singing from the rafters, but on closer inspection it's just that everyone is singing while they shop and work; the place has extraordinary acoustics.

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"No, the others can be, but they don't try as hard, you know? - do you guys rehearse this? Does this planet run on musical logic?"

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"Oh, we coordinate it through the communications chips in our brains, though people end up knowing lots of songs by heart."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Wow. Okay. That wasn't an idea I'd ever heard of for how to use brain chips but it's pretty keen."

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"I really enjoy it! I love music. And the war is so difficult for people emotionally, you know, it's good to have things we all look forward to."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Guess that makes sense. Whistling in the dark. It's gorgeous."

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"Thank you, I'll tell them so." They wander past vendors. They're selling normal things like food and cell phones and clothes and jewelry and shoes, for the most part.

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Jim stops to ooh over some of the things. "Oh, uh, you probably don't have, uh, demonproof IP law, do you..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We had no idea we might need it! Some of our allies with a particular interest in that sort of thing are starting to think about it now, but you can copy whatever you'd like in the meantime, enjoy yourself."

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"Oh, snazzy," and she snaps her fingers at Cam and he patiently makes her a new outfit and some accessories. "I've been in what I'm wearing overnight, is there a bathroom I can duck into and change?" she asks.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Absolutely!" He points it out and waits outside, quietly singing. When she is out of sight - but only when she's out of sight - people salute him if they pass by.

Permalink Mark Unread

Snort.

She comes out later with her hair neatened up and her Elfy outfit on; Cam has made it in just her size. It includes a hair scarf but it doesn't leave much to the imagination the way she's tied it on, her hair's loose past it.

Permalink Mark Unread

He definitely notices this and definitely decides not to say anything and definitely tells everyone else to do the same. He keeps a bit more distance from her as they keep walking. "Would you like to see the gardens? We have flower gardens, water gardens and wild gardens."

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"What's a wild garden?" Jim asks.

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"It just has much more of a natural aesthetic to it, it's easy to get lost in and the trails are overgrown and everyone's quiet so it always seems empty."

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"Huh. I'd like to see them, yeah."

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The flower garden has an astounding variety of flowers blooming across six or seven natural habitats, from deserts to tropics to scrublands; the water garden has fountains and waterfalls and lush lake plants and hot, humid air and crickets chirping; the wild garden is, as promised, easy to get lost in, with lots of tiny trails that lead nowhere.

Permalink Mark Unread

"This is all underground? It's amazing. How do you do it all without daeva?"

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"A long time and a lot of very hard work! We were forced underground more than two hundred years ago, and we've been trying ever since then to make something healthy and home-like despite everything. Every person here has put in long hours on it. It'd be amazing to have daeva helping. I wonder why they can't seem to be summoned here."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Don't know. Maybe you have to be in the regular human universe for it or something. I'm assuming this isn't that, somebody would've summoned a demon and found out by now if we had aliens."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We don't know if we're alone in our universe but I suppose demons would let you check that. That's really awfully clever."

Permalink Mark Unread

"People use demons for all kinds of things. Not me, mostly, I barely dabble in demons, I was just going to use this one to do some infrastructure stuff and it was going to take long enough that at least I'm not in trouble now that we're here..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You're welcome here for as long as it's necessary but it's certainly good that you have your own source of food and supplies, and options should the war suddenly turn against us."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah. Thanks, by the way, I appreciate it. Where're the orcs, is that a stop on the tour?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Absolutely! They're a couple floors back up, I wanted to show you the concert hall and libraries first."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sure. Won't be able to read your books but I bet they're gorgeous."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We certainly try!" The concert hall has a ballet performance which they're allowed to blithely intrude on; the libraries are tall and towering and full of real paper books as well as elaborate screen setups. He shows her some of their writing system.

"This is two thousand years old, I wrote it back before we invented the printing press."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh, it reminds me of Arabic, the way it looks."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We'd love to learn the languages of your world if we can."

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"I don't speak Arabic," says Jim. "Just know sort of what it looks like. Demon -"

A brief negotiation later Maglor has a novel in Arabic.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you! I'll pass this along to the people who can appreciate it. You wanted to see the orcs next?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, I wanna make sure they're okay, they were pretty freaked out and they had little babies and none of them looked healthy - like I wouldn't usually try to guess with aliens but you're all really nice looking -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's a really awful story, actually, the leader of the forces on the orcish side of the war introduced a number of debilitating genetic defects in the course of engineering them to grow up faster so that they could be soldiers at younger ages."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You've gotta be shitting me."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I wish I were."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Who even gets into a war they expect to last that long?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We're much longer-lived than humans, thinking on those timescales might be more natural for us."

Permalink Mark Unread

"How much?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Elves - and Dwarves, the other peoples we're allied with in this war - don't actually die of aging, though for some the awful conditions of the war takes its toll eventually."

Permalink Mark Unread

Jim looks around at the awful conditions of the war. They're lovely. "Gotcha."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We spend a lot of time out in the field."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yeah, that did look pretty rough. Is it radioactive out there? I wasn't thinking, I didn't have the demon make me anything for that - can't even summon an angel -'

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, it is, at least in some areas. A couple hours shouldn't pose significant risks, but I'm sorry we didn't get there sooner. Refugees on the ground is one of the Enemy's favorite setups for an ambush, and we've lost a lot of lives responding in the past."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Demon, what've you got for post-exposure -" She guesses-and-checks her way through another negotiation and gets a pill and takes it.

Permalink Mark Unread

"A hundred fifty years after nuclear weapons were first used in the war he set off a bunch more of them, we think just to keep the surface uninhabitable."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...why?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It hurts us more than it hurts the Enemy, not being able to live outside. Elves are sensitive to that kind of thing. And his real quarrel isn't with us, it's with the planetary leadership on a different planet, Valinor, so I don't think he cares very much about the state this world will be in if he wins."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Why isn't he fighting on Valinor then? Why are you guys involved?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We think he's not strong enough to beat Valinor yet, or wants to have destroyed the resistance here first. He started here because the societies here were all peaceful and newly industrializing, and no one here could stop him. We're from Valinor - I was born there - and when we heard that he was slaughtering people by the millions here we came as quickly as we could. Everyone else on Valinor is waiting for the fight to come to them, I think, there's a lot of ideological resistance to intervening in foreign conflicts no matter how many innocent people are being murdered."

Permalink Mark Unread

"But if he's ultimately mad at Valinor that's not very foreign."

Permalink Mark Unread

"As a member of the faction that obviously decided we were morally obligated to intervene, I'm worried I won't do a good job of summarizing the concerns of those who remained behind. Many of them think he will never really have the strength to bother them, many of them oppose killing even in self-defense, many of them think the war here is unwinnable or that resources spent here protecting refugees could be better spent at home..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Huh. Why's he mad at Valinor, anyway?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"He had a war with them a very long time ago. The one during which he engineered the orcs, actually. He lost. He was imprisoned for three thousand local years afterwards."

Permalink Mark Unread

"This is all a little overwhelming."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I can only imagine. I'm sorry, we don't have to discuss it further."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you have a lot of orc refugees around?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No, just the ones picked up last night. They have brain chips too, which means they transmit information back to their side, and many of them attack all Elves on sight. It's made the refugee situation exceptionally difficult to handle."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh. What do you usually do?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Turn them back."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Let them go, you mean? Man, they would probably have been less scared if you did that, you could have tried to explain last night."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We weren't sure if something different was going on here. If you think it's a good idea we can drop them off outside our territory tomorrow."

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"I mean, I'd wanna ask them. If nobody turned off the translator it should have chewed up the corpus a bit better while I slept."

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"We still have it. I'll have it brought with us to meet them."

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"Thanks."

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"Of course. Do you want to go there next?"

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"Sure. Are they holding up okay?"

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"They seemed pretty unhappy when I last asked for an update. They might have calmed down by now, though."

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"Why do they attack you on sight? Refugee ones with little babies -"

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"It's complicated. We suspect their chips include a compulsion to do so, in many cases - that's something that can be done with the kind of brain chips used here."

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"They have a virus? How do you know it's not gonna infect yours?"

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"It has never been observed to spread, but we're taking precautions."

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"What are those?"

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"We're not enabling any information transmission between their chips and ours, we're monitoring to be sure we could detect some, and we have plans to shut theirs down if we observe anything dangerous."

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"Shut them down? If you can do that why don't you do it by default?"

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"It's dangerous to them - in sufficiently severe cases it can be lethal - so it's really only a last resort."

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"Oh."

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"There aren't a lot of good options here. It's awful." He starts walking them back to the stairs.

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Stairs stairs stairs. Cam is careful enough not to fall this time.

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And he hands them their translator and gestures them into the room with the orcs - "I can come in if you like but since it'll panic them -"

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"Yeah, I understand. Demon'll watch my back just in case."

In she goes, demon following.

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Orcs are still sitting against the one wall but since nothing awful has happened to them they've relaxed somewhat, and some bold ones have fetched blankets and pillows. The food has been replaced with new, fresh food, still steaming. The orcs aren't touching it yet. The music is very quiet. 

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Jim types and displays the translation: "This thing should be working better now! Sorry about the mess last night. How are you guys doing?"

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"We are well and very grateful, your majesty," one of them endeavors after a brief pause.

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"- I'm not a - I don't know what that means in your language but the thing it's translating as is wrong. Uh, my name's Jim, what's yours?"

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The adults go around the room and give names.

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Jim starts writing them down after she realizes they're all going to introduce themselves and then needs the first few again but then she says, "Nice to meet you! The Elves say they usually just send you away and they weren't sure if last night was weird in some way but now that they know what's going on they can just send you off? Would that be good?"

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They glance around at each other uncertainly. 

"Your highness," says one, "they're lying."

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"- I'm not a your highness, I'm Jim. What are - they lying about exactly?"

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"If they said they won't kill us. Then that's not true. They will kill us."

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"I mean they didn't say that specifically but I was sort of assuming that they weren't going to just - murder you all? You have little babies!"

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"Elves don't care. Elves hate children."

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"Are you sure you didn't just hear that somewhere, or read it on a poster -"

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"No? Everyone knows it. No Elves have children, and they kill everyone they can, but especially children."

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"- okay. So you don't want them to - do the thing they meant when they said they'd just send you away? You'd rather stay here, this is okay?"

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"....I don't know? I think they'll still kill us?"

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"But - but you have little babies -"

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The orcs seem to think she is dense.

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"Do you want me to have the demon make you anything?"

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"He could kill the Elves!" someone says.

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"I - I'm - I don't think the binding allows that even if I tell it to and I don't have it here to re-read - I guess I could have it make it - I - is there anything else?"

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"He could threaten to kill the Elves?"

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"Don't you want - toys for the kids or anything -"

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"We'd appreciate that very much," someone says diplomatically.

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Jim, flustered, has Cam make toys for the kids. The kids get a ball pit and a bunch of stuffed animals (she trips over her tongue when she starts to say "dolls" and wonders if it's racist to offer them dolls that do not look like orcs; so, stuffed animals) and stacking cups and blocks and, since there's plenty of room in this cafeteria, a small swingset.

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The orcs express their gratitude!

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Jim wrings her hands slightly, then manages to ask if they need changes of clothes and if they like the Elf food okay.

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They could use changes of clothes and the Elf food doesn't seem to be poisoned unless it's very slow-acting.

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"Do you just want more like you're wearing, or..."

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Whatever she likes!

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She bites her lip and mumbles at Cam and now they all have duplicates of their outfits, six apiece, in different colors.

Then she flees the room.

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Elves are waiting outside.

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"They said you'll kill them," she says. "Not actually just let them go home."

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"Dear god. They're so young - they have children -"

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"They said you hated children."

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"I - no. No, we miss them. We don't bear them in wartime because they deserve better than this but we - it's the thing that hurts people the most, I think, the absence of children."

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"Can they stay for now, though, they shouldn't be force-marched out to wherever thinking that when you get them far enough you're going to shoot them -"

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"Dear god. Yes, of course they can stay, if they're going to be thinking - and if - yeah. Of course. They should have their own rooms, if they're staying long-term. We don't have much space to spare but I'll figure something out."

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"If you just want to dig a big hole and draw up a blueprint I can have the demon fill it in."

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"Good idea, that should go faster. Thank you."

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"You're welcome." She's shivering a little.

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"Are you all right?"

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"I want to go home. You think you can figure that out, somehow, right?"

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"We can certainly try. We don't know what happened, yet, but I have a team of people looking into it. I assume people will be looking on your end, as well. Hopefully we turn up some option, even if it takes some time."

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"I've never even heard of anything like this, except summoning, which definitely isn't what happened. I don't know if we'll have any luck. Have you ever had something like it happen -?"

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"Something that seems a little similar, where a lot of people appeared suddenly, happened a couple hundred years ago. We didn't figure it out at the time, but we know more now. If we write up everything we're learning, is there a way to send it to your people, so we can build off each others' knowledge?"

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"The emergency mail label that gets demonically conjured is 'Attention Australia Urgent Line'."

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"All right, I'll have everything we know copied to that. Shall we head back?"

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Shiver. "I guess."

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He offers her his arm on the stairs.

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She pauses for a moment, then shakes herself and takes it.

The demon follows silently.

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They return to her room. He steps back, gracefully. "I want to get to work on designing their long-term quarters. I think we'll all be happier once they feel safe. Is that all right?"

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"Yeah. I guess I can have some books or whatever made..."

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"I'd be happy to show you how to peruse any of our media if you'd like, or how to use the screens in our room with something native from your world."

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"You do have really pretty music. And the demon can format-convert stuff for your screens if you show me how to play it, yeah."

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So he demonstrates their screens and recommends her some music. "Oh, and we were wondering - is there a way to do anything at all on a computer without all demons everywhere being able to see it?"

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"Oh, if you need to do really high security stuff you get a chip-locked computer. I don't have one of those installed, the next best is good enough if the demons don't super want your stuff specifically. The thing it has to do is make it so the data never exists all in a row un-encrypted, at least in physical form. So they have light projection screens because that's not physical form, and instantly scramble your data as it comes in and unscrambles it all in a special way to project it."

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"That's so clever! Is there any way we could have an example of the chip-locked kind, I wonder if it could be made to work with the chips we already have but our engineers would probably need to see one..."

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"The demon probably has one in its head, can you like scan its brain or something?"

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"Oooh, probably. Could you get a copy of its computer? With that and a scan I think we could figure it out, if it's possible at all."

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She makes a face. "Its computer probably has a speaker and I don't know how to make sure it doesn't have, like, recordings of give-me-your-soul spiels on there. I could have it make a blank one? Or do you need them matching?"

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"Matching might be important, I don't know...can you specify the computer without any speakers? Or have it made in my custody, the demon doesn't need to have access to it for our engineers to work."

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"The chip lets it control the computer remotely. I don't remember the range."

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"Can it do a blank one still linked to its chip?"

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"Maybe." She looks at Cam, who can't nod, but can smile. She sighs, considers wording, and authorizes this. Then Cam hands Maglor a computer.

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"Thank you very much. Let me know what you like of the music, and I'll think what else I can recommend you."

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"I've liked all of it I've heard so far!"

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"Oh good, then my job will be exceptionally easy!"

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She laughs a little.

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He turns to head out. "When you don't need the demon for anything you can send him along for the brain scan."

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"I'll get lunch and some entertainment then send him out."

And she does that; Cam's out in the hallway again ten minutes later.

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"Prince General Canafinwë invited you to join him for lunch if you'd like," says the guard in the hallway when the door closes.

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Smile!

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The office is, unsurprisingly, elaborate. He has a screen up with orc housing plans. "Hey. Can you use this computer for simpler communications?" He pushes it across his desk. 

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Cam picks up the computer but he cannot obviously do that. Are the alphabet blocks around?

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Yep.

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Cam takes a photograph of each alphabet block.

Then his screen flares to life and he displays the pictures in sequence, spelling: HOWS THIS

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"Works for me if it works for you."

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HOW FAST CAN I GO

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"I suspect I'm faster than you."

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PARDON ME IF I MISSPELL THINGS say the letter pictures very rapidly. THIS GAG ISNT THOROUGH BUT ITS BAD ENOUGH TO BE ANNOYING SO THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO

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"No worries. We are thinking about what you said about loosening it."

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I THOUGHT OF A GOOD WAY AND IF JIM ISNT FEELING PARTICULARLY CLEVER AT THE TIME IT MIGHT EVEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO SLIP BY HER BUT I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO DO THAT

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"I'd need independent verification of a bunch of things first. I imagine you're feeling similarly. It'd be good to know, though, for once we decide."

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MY EXTENDED TASK WAS IF I RECALL CORRECTLY TO END WHEN THE INFRASTRUCTURE WAS COMPLETED AND IF YOU CAN GET HER TO LET ME VERIFY THAT IT HAS BEEN PRESUMABLY BY SOMEONE ELSE IN OUR ABSENCE ITLL EXPIRE AND THEN SHE HAS TO SEND ME HOME RENEGOTIATE OR LET MY BINDING ERODE

I WOULD BEHAVE AS THOUGH BOUND WHEN SHE WAS AROUND TO NOTICE SO SHE WOULDNT SEND ME HOME IN A PANIC BUT THAT WOULD BE A RISK IF I SLIPPED UP FYI

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He nods slowly. "You don't think we can convince her to help us? I'm somewhat optimistic."

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NOT SURE

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Nod.

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YOU WERE DOING A HECK OF A THING TALKING TO HER ABOUT ORCS AND HISTORY

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"You can say 'pretty much lying', I won't take offense."

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YEAH THAT THING

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"It seemed to us that there wasn't a way to tell her the truth and get productive results. It seems to us like there is a way to tell you the truth and get productive results, because as horrified as you might be by us, if we're right about what's going on in the world you'll want to end it. It barely matters how we're judged when this is over, as long as this is over, but I do need someone who can care whether we're telling the truth about Angband after learning that we kill baby orcs.

 

If I were you I wouldn't really trust me on that, but there it is."

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THE PROBLEM IS ID USUALLY CONJURE STUFF TO VERIFY WHAT YOURE SAYING

AND I CANT IF JIM DOESNT HAVE A REASON TO LET ME

ALSO IM NOT SURE WHY YOURE SO CONFIDENT IN YOUR READS ON ME AND JIM

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LIKE THEYRE CONSISTENT WITH HOW WE HAVE PRESENTED OURSELVES TO YOU BUT ALSO YOU HAVE HAD LESS THAN A DAY

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"Yeah. I, uh." He looks suddenly very tired. "My brother is very good at reading people. Good instincts. He's been observing since we first made contact and then reviewing the early video again once we had background on your language and culture."

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AND YOURE PRETTY SURE THAT WORKS ACROSS SPECIES

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"We have humans here. I guess he could be misjudging you -"

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The screen that was showing orc living quarters flickers. 

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"So there's an obvious case I am misreading him," he says cheerfully. "He seems perfectly straightforward to model as a human with abilities unusual for a human, but Jim insists that he will present himself in whatever form prepares us best for him to steal our souls, and 'straightforward for me to model as a human, but wrongly' would certainly be part and parcel of that. Raises the question 'how did he arrange his fake presentation perfectly to fool someone he'd never met and didn't even know was watching him, when there were other people actually in front of him interacting?' but the abilities humans ascribe to demons would have to involve magically accessing information anyway, supernaturally effective persuasiveness pretty much requires it. I'm not a memetic hazard to anyone I've just met - pleased to meet you, by the way. Nelyafinwë Maitimo."

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NICE TO MEET YOU

DAEVA FALL WITHIN THE HUMAN PSYCHOLOGICAL RANGE FOR WHATEVER THATS WORTH COMING FROM ME

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He nods. "I gave this some thought, and I decided that to whatever extent it's unfalsifiable it's not worth more of our time. I don't actually think we're entertaining much downside risk here. Things really can't get worse. And supernatural persuasive abilities - don't sit cleanly with the rest of the picture unless they were put there specifically to fuck with me, and I'm steering for the universes where no one has thrown anything in there specifically to fuck with me, even though they're a pretty small share of all the universes I'm living in and even though they might be a pretty small share of the universes in which we're having this conversation."

A demonstrative shrug. "I don't like trust games, I normally get to cheat at them. But I trust you."

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I THINK I PARSED MOST OF THAT

THANKS I GUESS

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"I can say bits again if it seems useful. I'm sorry, I've been doing the 'person' thing less and less, I'm mostly the surveillance system these days."

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I CANNOT COUNT THE NUMBER OF TASTELESS JOKES THAT JUST RAN THROUGH MY HEAD

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"You can say them if you'd like, I won't have hurt feelings."

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NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT

THE WALLS HAVE EARS

I BET MAGLOR LOVES BIG BROTHER

I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW WHICH OF YOU IS OLDER THATS A LITERARY REFERENCE

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"I'm millions of years old, subjectively."

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WELL I GUESS THAT RESOLVES THAT THEN WOW

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"He doesn't remember most of it, we cut out almost all his episodic memory when we were trying to get him functional again."

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"I don't know if you'll find this more reassuring or less so but I feel like it's important to clarify that they tried that only after they'd run through hundreds of copies they tried to salvage without erasing anything."

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"Who would find that reassuring?"

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"It's data about how seriously you take wiping peoples' memories!"

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"Nothing we did to you was remotely defensible under any circumstances other than the ones -"

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"Right, but, hmm...if people might disagree on how indefensible - or not even on how indefensible, on how horrifying... a thing about this situation which having to explain it to outsiders is making very prominent is that it's hard to tell the difference between surprisingly decent people and horrifyingly evil ones when there's only one remotely defensible priority. I think people who cared more about erasing a million years of someone's memory would have tried for longer not to, not that they'd have as a result done something less horrifying. 

This is really all on me, I should've had an advance directive."

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"He did, actually," he tells Cam. "It was 'win the war'."

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The screen goes dark.

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"Sorry, he - doesn't actually talk much these days, I wasn't expecting that."

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IT WAS PRETTY INFORMATIVE

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Nod. Nod. 

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DOES HE HAVE CAMERAS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE

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"Lots of places. In the ships and in the guest quarters, yes. He can use our senses, if we let him, and I let him, it seems - only fair, really, it's my fault he hasn't got his own eyes."

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I WILL UH

BEAR THAT IN MIND I GUESS

LIKE IN THE BATHROOM TOO OR JUST THE BEDROOM

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"Is surveillance of important extradimensional guests not the sort of thing that'd happen on Earth, I'm not sure how drastically we're departing from norms here."

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I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW THAT MUCH OF THE CAMERA PLACEMENT HABITS OF HUMAN INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS PEOPLE I JUST DONT LIKE THE IDEA OF BEING LITERALLY CONSTANTLY OBSERVED

I CAN GET OVER IT I ASSUME BIG BROTHER IS NOT IN IT FOR THE VOYEURISM BUT IF YOU WANTED ME TO TAKE A SHOWER IN THE NEXT WEEK

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Nod. "You can tell him to go away and he will. Or remove them, if that's more confidence-inspiring."

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I MEAN I GUESS THE DIFFERENTIAL BETWEEN THE TWO HAS A LOT TO DO WITH HOW LIKELY YOU THINK I AM TO FOMENT DISASTER IN THE BATHTUB BUT I DONT ACTUALLY HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS ABOUT THAT

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"I think my brother just declared that we're, ah, steering for the worlds in which you are trustworthy, which is really just a stunningly pessimistic gloss on 'trusting you'."

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IF YOU CAN ONLY WIN IF YOU DRAW A CERTAIN CARD ANYWAY PLAY AS THOUGH YOU EXPECT IT TO COME NEXT

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"That's the idea, yep. So - how do we check whether your task was completed?"

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ASK HER TO SHOW OFF WHAT SHE WAS HAVING ME DO AND SHE MIGHT WORD IT SO I CAN MAKE THE WHOLE THING IN MINI AND IF I CAN DO THAT ILL KNOW ITS DONE

IF SHES REALLY CARELESS ILL BE ABLE TO DO SOME OF IT IN A DIFFERENT ROOM IT WASNT CONTIGUOUS AND THEN SHE WONT SEE IT ALL

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He nods. "All right. I'll ask this afternoon. Anything you need in the meantime?"

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HOW ARE THE LANGUAGE AND VIOLINLIKE THING LESSONS COMING ALONG

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"I can introduce you to your tutors now if it's a good time."

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ITS NOT A BAD ONE UNLESS JIM IS LOOKING ANXIOUS FOR A MIMOSA OR SOMETHING BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR AGENDA LOOKS LIKE

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"I wanted Jim to have some more time to decompress" before I ruthlessly manipulate her into grave danger "and maybe be able to tell her I've made progress on a nice place for the orcs to stay. A couple hours now should work with my schedule quite well."

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COOL

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So he introduces him to a language tutor and a not-quite-violin tutor who has a not-quite violin he can practice on and who seems profoundly disturbed that he can't talk.

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Cam is not an Elf but he is a hundred and seventy-two and has practiced the violin for most of that lifespan; he takes a short learning curve to learn new fretting and to make a pleasant sound with the different bow, but presently can translate songs he knows at reduced tempo.

Cam can take pictures of Elf letters, just as he can take pictures of alphabet blocks, and arrange those to weakly compensate for his gag in his language lessons.

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Then he can make a good hour of progress at learning Quenya and Thindarin! His language tutor seems to at least earnestly want him to know it, if he was worried that they'd instead be trying to make it seem hard or trying to confuse him.

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Cam finds Quenya and Thindarin interesting and is pretty quick with them but his retention is suffering a lot for not being able to properly organize what he's learning on his own. Eventually he asks for slips of paper with all the vocabulary words written on them to arrange, several of the common ones. IF THATS CONVENIENT

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This is not inconvenient at all and is swiftly provided.

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Cam arranges slips of paper on a table like magnetic poetry to form notes and sentences.

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The tengwar alphabet for Quenya is phonemic; so is the alphabet used for Thindarin, though it's an entirely different one. 

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Cam wants slips of paper of those too so he can more easily conjugate verbs, once he's conjugating any verbs.

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These are provided and cut so they work reasonably well for insertion into words.

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And Cam studies until Jim looks restless to the watchful eye of Big Brother.

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At which point his language tutors offer to walk him back to his hallway.

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OKAY

He sets down his computer; brushes himself off in case any paper letters are clinging to his jeans. Then he picks up his computer and adds IF SOMEBODY COULD GET ME A CHANGE OF CLOTHES OR TELL JIM I SMELL WEIRD OR SOMETHING ID APPRECIATE THAT

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They are met outside Jim's room with Elf clothes in his size, and, separately, General Prince Canafinwë Macalaurë. "How'd it go?"

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Wag.

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"Oh, good." He presses the door's calling-bell.

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Inside, Jim jumps, sets down her laptop, and gets up to answer the door. "Hi?"

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"Hey! I have your demon back, we got some good information off the scans. Thank you."

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"Oh, you're welcome," she blinks. "What'd you find out?"

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"It doesn't look like there's any reason in principle why we couldn't adapt our chips to do that, and it'd be a dangerous brain surgery to get the one he has, so we will probably work on getting ours to offer the same functionality. It might be a while, but we can work with lightscreens in the meantime."

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"Not just lightscreens, the thing where the hardware doesn't store stuff unscrambled in a sensible order," she says. "Otherwise they can just get your computer and see what comes up on the lightscreen."

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"Thank you. I think that's doable, but we'll see. I have more questions from the team trying to figure out your disappearance, but if it'd be better to wait that's fine, I know there's been a lot today already..."

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"I really didn't see anything, but I can answer questions..."

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"They wanted to know what exactly what happening, and who was around, when you vanished."

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"We were on a boat. There were the boat crew and the lady from the electric company and the ocean surveyor there but not standing right by us. We were going out to the site for a new tidecatcher. And then - I don't think I even blinked - I was where those orcs were. There wasn't a noise or a light show or anything, I was just there and so was the demon."

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"Who was standing closest to you? Were there objects in the vicinity that you might expect would have come with you if the event moved, say, a certain volume of space rather than a certain number of persons?"

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"Apart from the demon I think one of the crew was closest by. Not the captain but I don't know the other jobs. I wasn't holding anything but my clothes and my shoes came and not a chunk of the deck or anything..."

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"Do you mind if I attempt to sketch this..."

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"Oh, no, go ahead."

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He sketches. "Did you have a clear view of the demon, could he have been interacting with something or fiddling with something - and would his range of vision have been the same as yours -"

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"I wasn't looking at it, I was looking at the water, but it hadn't been holding anything either. I guess I don't know if it has telescopic contacts but it hasn't got eyes in the back of its head."

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He bites his lip. "Is there any way to get a snapshot - I don't suppose he can make "what we would have seen if we'd taken a picture at that moment", since the picture doesn't exist..."

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"Yeah, they can't do that. They can make scale models but I hate the tiny people, they flop over so horribly -"

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"Ewwww. Can he do a model that's made out of glass or silver or something pretty?"

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"Maybe? I'm not sure -" She looks at Cam. Cam wobbles a hand.

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"All right, different angle, what about the state of your world's investigation into your disappearance? Satellite photos of the site now, or photos with news articles about the event, if there were any ... eventually we'll want the articles too, but right now the team wouldn't even be able to read them..."

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"Ooh, yes, there might be satellite photos," agrees Jim, "since we were out on the water, and there might be news." She works this out with Cam and acquires photos and news articles.

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"Thanks so much! I'll pass these along. Anything else I can do for you?"

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"Is it cool if I have the demon add substantial things to the room - like, a minifridge, so I don't need to keep it in shouting distance if I want a lemonade, or whatever -"

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"Yes, absolutely, whatever's more comfortable for you."

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"Cool - oh, uh, you're not going to have the right kind of outlets, do you have your own designs of mini-fridge it can copy -"

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"Yeah - let me pull up a shopping catalogue for you -" he does this on the screen.

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She picks a mini-fridge. Cam makes the mini-fridge and a mini-pantry on top of it and stocks it with her list of snacks and beverages. She also wants additional changes of clothes - "Usually for a trip I pack at least three even if I'm only staying overnight, just to be safe, and I don't think you're going to have me back in an hour, heh" - and a footrest for the chair, and her usual shampoo and other toiletries, and a pair of slippers. Then she releases Cam into the hallway again.

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There are guards ready to take him anywhere he seems inclined to go.

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He would like to go back to his lessons if Macalaure doesn't need him right now.

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Apparently not! His tutors are delighted to throw a little more Quenya and Thindarin and not-violin at him.

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Hurray.

When he does see Macalaure he will ask via alphabet block photographs CAN I READ THE ARTICLES

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"Yes, of course." He hands them over. 

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Cam reads through them. HA

ASIDE IN THE LAST PARAGRAPH

SINCE COMPLETED BY AN ALTERNATE CONTRACTOR

MY TASK IS OVER AND JIM DOESNT KNOW

I MIGHT BE ABLE TO TALK BY THIS TIME TOMORROW

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"All right, then. 

 

The risk here is that Jim notices?"

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YES

I THINK I CAN ACT GAGGED AROUND HER

THE THING IM LIKELIEST TO SLIP UP ABOUT IS NODDING OR SHAKING MY HEAD WHICH I CANT DO GAGGED

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"And if she notices you doing that, we have one minute to react?"

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YES

WHEN MORE OF MY BINDING HAS WORN OFF I CAN REACT TOO

TRADITIONALLY AT THAT POINT ID PUT HER IN A COMA

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"And that's survivable long-term?"

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YES

I MEAN IT WOULDNT BE GOOD FOR HER OR ANYTHING BUT UNLESS SHE HAS AN UNEXPECTED ALLERGY IT WONT KILL HER

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"We'll look into the safest way to do that without you, in case it comes up under circumstances where you can't."

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I HAVE MEDICAL QUALS BUT WITHOUT MY NOTES ID JUST BE NAMING DRUGS YOU WOULD NOT HAVE THE SAME NAMES FOR IF YOU HAD THEM AT ALL

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"I assume the local humans sometimes need surgery and so forth. I'll ask."

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THANKS

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"You okay?"

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THIS IS JUST ALL KIND OF A BIG DEAL YOU KNOW

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"Yeah, I do. If you think of anything you need," shrug, "we do run into this feeling a lot, we might have it."

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WHAT ARE YOUR FIRST LINE THERAPIES FOR THINGS BEING KIND OF A BIG DEAL

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"Personally I sing extraordinarily melodramatic songs. A lot of people like teaching kids to read, or keeping the elderly company, something that actually feels like valuing people instead of all this valuing people we do that feels like using them - you know what you should do is you should teach little orc kids things, their parents look exhausted, I bet they'd appreciate it -"

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I CAN DO THAT ONCE I CAN TALK YEAH

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"We have excellent theatre, I can send you some shows I really recommend, Dwarves are nice to talk to because they approach enough things entirely sideways that it can shake your head out of one way of thinking, we have underwater sports...." He bites back a smile for some reason.

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I AM HOPELESSLY INCAPABLE OF SPORTS

UNDERWATER ONES WOULD BE BETTER BUT I WOULD NOT BE COMPETITIVE AND DONT FIND BEING IRRETRIEVABLY INCOMPETENT AT THINGS VERY FUN

I WILL NOT GET MUCH OUT OF THEATER OR DWARVES TILL I KNOW MORE OF THE LANGUAGES

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"The wings and not needing to breathe would probably be a ridiculous advantage at underwater sports, really, but that's fair. I will stop interrupting your language studies."

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I DONT LIKE NOT BREATHING AND THE WINGS DONT HELP THAT MUCH IF YOU ARE NOT VERY COORDINATED

BUT INTERRUPT ME AS NEEDED ITS OKAY

WITH ME ANYWAY I CANT SPEAK FOR THIS GUY

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The tutor looks slightly startled. Macalaurë smiles at them both and leaves.

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SORRY WAS SOMETHING IMPOLITE ABOUT THAT Cam asks his tutor

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"Not impolite, just - it's not actually worth his time to evaluate whether he'd be interrupting me."

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IS THAT CUSTOMARY WEIGHING THINGS LIKE THAT

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"....yeah?"

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HUH

DOES IT COME UP A LOT

IM NOT REALLY USED TO THAT BUT MAYBE IF ITS ENOUGH OF A RARITY IT REALLY SAVES ON OVERHEAD

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"I mean, in the most direct case, anyone can ping the King any time they'd like but this would go badly if they didn't think about how important their question was first."

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DOES THE KING KNOW ABOUT ME BY THE WAY

I HAVENT SEEN A FAMILY TREE OR A MAP OR ANYTHING SO I CANT GUESS IF HES HANDY OR HOW HES RELATED OR ANYTHING

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"I'm not really sure. Probably it has been mentioned. I can get you a family tree -" He starts sketching one.

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LOT OF BROTHERS Cam remarks. OR SISTERS I GUESS I DONT KNOW HOW YOUR NAMES SPLIT UP IF THEY DO

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"All brothers on this side. We had big families, back in Valinor... uh, I don't know if you got a chance to read the history books, but what happened was that there was a succession dispute between Fëanáro and Nolofinwë, orchestrated by Melkor, at the start of the war, and then when Fëanáro died and Maitimo was...indisposed it fell to Nolofinwë but, well, this continent is run pretty independently if it's not something for which coordination is vital and it's possible that the King hasn't been informed about this yet, depending."

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I HADNT GOTTEN THAT FAR SINCE I CAN FIT IN READING WHENEVER IF YOU AND THE NOTVIOLIN GUY HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO

WHICH APPARENTLY YOU MIGHT NOT CONSIDER IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO TELL ME ABOUT BUT LIKE PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT IT IF NOTHING ELSE I DO HAVE READING TO CATCH UP ON

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He nods seriously. "All right. I thought we could go for another hour or so, at least, practice some more with the phrases from earlier -"

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Cam spells "yes" in Quenya.

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Great! They can add some new words and sentences and practice with the existing ones.

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Yaaay.

Jim seems content to decompress in her room for a while but then she lets herself out to go stretch her legs.

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She will be followed around but very subtly.

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She walks through the shopping area, admiring things, making a couple of circuits around, the takes a second pass through the water garden, then catches someone by the elbow and asks if they know where her demon is.

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"Jim's looking for you," language tutor reports to Cam.

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SHE PROBABLY WANTS DINNER

WHERE IS SHE

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"Wandering around downstairs, someone offered to help her find you."

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ILL GO FEED HER

And he goes and receives her dinner order and she eats it among Elves rather than take it back to her room.

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Elves come and go, most of them in uniform, none of them children.

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Cam loiters until Jim goes back to her room without seeming to expect him to accompany her, then goes back to what he was doing.

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They're happy to help him make as much progress on the language as he can make without notes, and happy to teach notviolin technique as well.

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I COULD CARRY THE INSTRUMENT AROUND AND PLAY SONGS JIM MIGHT KNOW THE WORDS TO

BUT IT MIGHT ANNOY HER

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"It doesn't seem like a reasonable thing to be annoyed by," says his violin teacher.

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SHE DOES NOT WANT ME TO ATTEMPT COMPLEX VERBAL COMMUNICATION WITH HER

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"Song lyrics are very low bandwidth, though."

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YES BUT IT STILL WOULDNT BE SOMETHING SHED TAKE WELL

SHE CANT DISMISS ME NOW BECAUSE IM TECHNICALLY UNPAID FOR MY ADDITIONAL SERVICES AT THIS POINT BUT IF SHE THOUGHT IT WAS DANGEROUS ENOUGH SHE COULD KILL HERSELF SO ITS PROBABLY NOT WORTH IT EVEN IF IT WOULD BE KIND OF FUNNY

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"Wow. All right."

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I DONT REALLY TAKE HER TO BE THE SUICIDAL TYPE BUT IF SHE WERE WORRIED ID PUT HER IN A COMA AND GO AROUND DESTROYING PLANETS YOU SEE

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"It really doesn't seem like her business to stop you if you decide to do that."

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TO STOP ME FROM PUTTING HER IN A COMA AND DESTROYING PLANETS

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"I don't know if I'd destroy the planet if I could but if I had a planet-destroying weapon and someone destroyed it without consulting anyone I'd feel like that was really overstepping."

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JIMS PEOPLE ARE VERY PROTECTIVE OF PLANETS ESPECIALLY ONES PEOPLE ARE LIVING ON

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"That makes sense," he says, not sounding like it makes a spectacular amount of sense.

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Whatever. Is this how you conjugate this thing, he forgets.

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They can practice more grammar until he wants a break.

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He takes a break. He plays violinlike thing, occasionally opens his mouth to see if he can sing yet.

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The translations of the books get finished and sent to him. Someone designed a fancy cover for them.

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Elves are cute. He reads the books.

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The Elf one picks up where it left off, with the Elves inventing things in Valinor, and explains how Melkor was paroled, promised not to do evil things anymore, and set about spreading rumors and planting evidence among the Noldor to convince the King's heirs to distrust each other; how this got Fëanáro exiled and six hundred thousand people to leave with him; how Melkor attacked Valinor, killed the King, and wreaked widespread environmental destruction the Valar were urgently occupied by managing. 

The next chapter details how the Noldor killed twenty thousand people in a fight for the starships with which they left Valinor. 

The chapter after that details the fallout from the angry Valar and the escape to Endorë.

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Does it say why they had to fight over the starships? Do they take thousands of people to crew, couldn't be borrowed... Why did the Valar object to people leaving?

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The Valar objected to people leaving because it was too soon and they thought the departing people would regret it if they thought about it more, and they thought their departure would disturb the peace of Valinor. On the Valar's orders, the owners of the ships refused to allow access to the ships or lend their factories to the building of more ships (which would in any event have taken a long time); the breakdown into a battle seems to have been unintentional all around. 

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I MIGHT LOOK FOR HISTORIES WRITTEN IN VALINOR LATER WHEN I CAN DO THAT TO BE SURE Cam remarks when next he sees Macalaurë.

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"Got to the part about the ships? I think that makes sense to do. Those'll be in Quenya; I can recommend you some people who I think might've written something and if it says on the first page that it was written with the guidance of the Valar then that means the stance it takes will be the orthodox one."

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WHEN I CAN ILL START A MACHINE TRANSLATOR ON QUENYA AND SET ABOUT PATCHING IT

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"Sounds good."

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LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING ABLE TO DO STUFF

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"I can only imagine. We're looking forward to you having the chance to do stuff."

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DO YOU HAVE A LIST

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"Resurrections of people we have never-tortured chips for, food, medical care of types you might be able to provide better than us - replacing limbs, for instance - better antimissile systems, lightleapers and an air force capable of defending the shuttles to them, revisit at that point."

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I CAN DO LIMBS AND IT SHOULDNT RELY TOO HARD ON ELF SPECIFIC BIOLOGY EXCEPT THAT FOR A CLEAN ATTACHMENT I NEED A FRESH AMPUTATION NOT A HEALED STUMP SO I HOPE YOU HAVE GOOD PAINKILLERS

I WANT TO READ MORE BEFORE I DO WAR STUFF NOT NECESSARILY A LOT MORE BUT MORE

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"That makes sense."

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RESURRECTIONS SURE THOUGH I THINK I KNOW ENOUGH TO NOT WANT YOU GUYS DEAD

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"I'm glad. I'll start collecting the chips for those."

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YOU WILL HAVE TO HELP ME IDENTIFY WHICH WAY IS THE RIGHT SIDE UP SO I DONT INSTALL THEM UPSIDE DOWN

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"Yeah, we can do that."

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ALSO I BET YOU WANT THEM STERILIZED AND LIKE DUSTED OFF FIRST

OTHER THAN THAT I DONT REALLY ANTICIPATE ANY PROBLEMS BUT MAYBE SHOULD WAIT A COUPLE DAYS AFTER THE FIRST TEST SUBJECT

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"I think that makes sense, yeah."

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WHOS FIRST IN LINE

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"I'm talking to families, I'll have an answer in a bit? Unless you can do it right now, in which case I can pick someone now."

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NAH ID BE ABLE TO TALK BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE

He opens his mouth but no sound comes out.

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"All right. I'll get you a test subject."

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MIGHT BE A WEEK GIVE OR TAKE A FEW DAYS

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"Obviously there are reasons to care about a week from now versus now, but we've been waiting for so long that I don't think anyone is actively distressed by a week longer."

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ACTUALLY IF I CAN FINAGLE IT COUNTING AS A MEDICAL EMERGENCY I MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO IT THROUGH THE BINDING

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"The chips will eventually corrode if no one puts them back in bodies?"

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THATS PROBABLY NOT QUITE THE THING BUT I CAN DEFINITELY MAKE A CASE THAT THERES NO HEARTBEAT

BINDINGS ARE NOT ADJUDICATED BY A CONSCIOUS AGENT ID JUST HAVE TO SEE IF IT COUNTS

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"Alright, I'll get you a test subject quickly."

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THANKS

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"No, thank you!"

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IVE NEVER GOTTEN TO RESURRECT SOMEONE FROM THE DEAD BEFORE ITLL BE EXCITING

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"Our pleasure, then. All right, I have a volunteer, I'll have someone bring the chip up."

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Wag wag.

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And someone comes in with a little sterilized chip held between gloved fingers. "Can it be lying on the table or will that not work if skull should be beneath it?"

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I CAN MAKE THE BODY IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT LIFTS THE CHIP UP AS IT COMES INTO EXISTENCE ALTHOUGH IF I WERENT TRYING TO BE PRACTICAL AT ALL ID TRY TO LEARN TO DO IT BY TOSSING THEM INTO THE AIR AS A PARTY TRICK

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Giggle. They clear the table and set down the chip.

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And the chip grows a body, slowly enough to be visible if you're staring but not slowly enough for even a drop of blood to hit the table.

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The person sits up, startles, looks around, sees the person with the gloves, starts crying - there's a very rapid conversation in Quenya and she scoops him up and hugs him -

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Wag wag wag.

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"That's promising. We'll do a full medical checkup before we do another one, though."

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YES THAT IS A GOOD PLAN

(wag wag wag)

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"And thank you."

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YOURE WELCOME

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A medical scan does not reveal anything concerning, and the Elf asserts that everything seems to work fine, which the other Elves treat as more informative than the medical scan. 

They get Cam some more chips and their families.

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Cam brings more Elves back from the dead!

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They get a bigger room so that it can contain all the tearful reunions. Some people have apparently been carrying loves ones' chips for centuries. There is a lot of crying.

 

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Awwwww!!!

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And Cam eventually gets called out because Jim is looking for her demon.

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Ho hum.

"I've been thinking," Jim says when her demon has been returned to her, "that maybe it's worth trying more than once, to summon more daeva?"

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"That's a really good point! Something could have just been wrong at that moment - or with the circle or the surface -"

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"Yeah, like they have to be pretty flat. Demon, make me an SSA standard generic random circle for a fairy and an SSA standard generic random circle for an angel -" Cam negotiates this carefully so the task doesn't outright replace the old one, but Jim's wording it as a supplementary anyway. She gets her circles and fills them in.

Nothing happens.

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"Is it worth having someone other than you try, in case the summoner needs to be native to the dimension -"

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"I don't know if that's safe, you don't have licenses..."

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"Aren't you just filling in that line?"

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"Well, yes, but if you got a daeva, you'd have to be careful."

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"If we did it as an experiment it doesn't make sense to be negotiating with them, that makes sense."

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"Maybe if you don't say anything, and dismiss them right away."

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"All right. I can do that."

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She gets another fairy circle for him to try and lays it out and shows him where to fill in.

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He does that.

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No fairy.

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"The last thing to check would be local humans, on the off chance that it works only for humans and only for ones native to their dimension, but I confess I'm not optimistic."

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"Well, if you can get one here..."

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"Not today, but I'll try to arrange it for later this week."

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"Okay, that sounds like a good idea."

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"It seems pretty likely, though, that this is the only form of assistance we're going to have. I realize that's a lot of pressure."

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"It's kind of a lot. Yeah."

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"We have a space for the orcs all set up if you'd like to arrange for Cam to make it."

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"That sounds good, yeah, I'd like to help with that."

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"Thanks so much."

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She leads Cam to the dug-out space and looks over the blueprint.

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It's a big, pretty, extravagant space with lots of individual suites for all of the orcs.

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She has Cam make it. He does.

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"Thank you so much! I bet they'll be really happy."

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"I hope so," she says. "Do you want me to help you get them settled in so you don't have to - I don't know what you were going to do, herd them?" She looks a bit like she is hoping he will say he doesn't want her to do that for some reason.

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"Oh, we hired some Dwarves to do it, they aren't as scared of Dwarves as they are of us."

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"Oh, okay, that's good."

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"I appreciate you offering, though."

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"It seemed like - the least I could do?" she shrugs.

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"They've had a pretty bad time. I'm hoping that once Melkor is defeated relations will return quickly to how they were before the war."

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"They won't be scared of you anymore?" Jim asks skeptically.

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"There might not be a lot of tourism, but if someone wanders across the border in the middle of the night they can expect to get dropped off at home, and people can be friends on the internet, and maybe with time it'll get better."

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"Maybe."

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"I don't know your history but I think after wars people usually figure out how to reconcile, eventually."

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"I mean - yes, but not soon - sometimes not till after everybody alive during the war is dead."

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"That's a scary thought." Sigh.

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"Yeah."

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They head back on up. "There are a lot of people who'd like to meet with you if you're interested - ambassadors, mostly. Are you interested in talking with any of them?"

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"Oh. I guess, if they speak English or if the translator's good enough for that sort of thing by now."

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"If you want to check how much it has improved and let me know, I'd be happy to schedule for you."

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"They'll all speak your language?"

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"Yeah."

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"Okay -" She fetches the translation device. "Say something? Something elaborate."

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"The delegation from Tumunzahar is interested in a trade agreement because their electronics industry has been suffering since they lost access to a major southern tunnel route."

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She repeats that back in English with a questioning inflection. "That's grammatically complicated but it's not nuanced, that's where it'll really fall down if it's not good enough."

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"Hmmm." He recites a poem.

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She repeats the English translation, which doesn't rhyme and is clunkier but does say what the poem means more or less.

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"That pretty much has it."

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"Okay, then I should be able to do that."

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"Sounds good! Let me know when would be a good time for you and I'll arrange scheduling."

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"Maybe after, uh, what time is it, I think my circadian rhythms are going a bit funny underground however good the artificial lights are - is lunch next -"