"… Should I suggest something? I mean, I don't have anything in particular in mind, but I can probably come up with something, but then we've got me knowing what I'm being told to do, which might stop me doing it…?"

"It should probably be surprising or something, yeah."

"Jump."

So he does!

"… Wait, was I meant to actually try not doing it, because I'm not sure I actually tried that there or, uh, not." He frowns.

"No, the purpose of the test was figuring out whether you'd do it if you weren't paying attention. Which you apparently weren't, 'cause you did it."

"Yeah, that sounds like a yes unless you have a weird habit of doing everything you're told to without thinking."

"I… don't think so?"

"So Matt is in magical vampire love with Theo who's in magical vampire love with me. Yaaayyyy."

"Oh, if only this weren't just a vampire–human thing, you could have that love triangle I'm sure you've always pined for," says Theo, rolling his eyes.

"Love threesome, I think you mean, I have absolutely no taste for the cheap plot that involves zero polyamory."

"Of course not," he sighs. "That would be boring."

Matt frowns. "Are you two okay?"

"It wouldn't be boring, it'd be heartbreaking and wasteful, I like to make these things clear to everyone involved. Anyway, as far as I know I'm okay, other than the whole problem of how to make sure Theo won't decide to eat people again which we were hoping the magical vampire love thing might fix."

"What, like you tell him not to find people food and hope that works if he doesn't, uh, squint at it? Or you just make him fall in love with people and hopefully not want to kill them…?"

"The latter, although the former empirically works."

"Mildly creepy." He shrugs. "Better than killing people, but still: creepy."

Theo also shrugs.

"And, apparently, not working, since Theo doesn't seem to be getting the thing for you while you seem to have the thing for him."

"We haven't interacted that much yet? But I don't know – it might not be linked to amount of time spent talking, it might be any number of things like you said some magic trigger phrase or something."

"You're the one with eidetic memory, you tell me. Maybe I should just shut up and watch you two interact."

"Like, okay, about thirty minutes in, we were talking about me going outside and burning up for such fun and whatever, then I tried a bunch of herbs to see if I had a mythical weakness to them, we checked to see if I showed up on camera and I did, then we were talking about fangs and I was looking at your pretty face. That's pretty much what happened, though I can go into more detail if necessary? Unless phrases like 'now's the time to tell me' or 'having to bet on it' or 'if you don't want to you shouldn't' are magical phrases, or some other phrase from the conversation that didn't seem abnormal is one, I don't think so?"

"Now's the time to tell me, having to bet on it, if you don't want to you shouldn't," says Matt. "Feel any different? Because I don't."

He looks at Matt. "… Nope, pretty sure those are just normal phrases."

"Yeah I think I'm gonna shut up and watch you interact."

"… And what, just hope we stumble across the right phrase or hope it is a time thing, or are we just that fascinating?" He turns to Matt: "No offense."