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The only thing he likes more than keeping secrets is revealing true information that no one will believe.
TRUE SELECTIONS
from the Moſt Holie
ACTS OF IOMEDAE
as they were Recorded
by the
HAND OF THE GODDESS,
having been lately
REDACTED AND CENSORED
by Her
CHURCH IN LASTWALL:
concerning particularly
the Famed Commitment of the Goddeſs
to ETERNAL CHASTITY, &c.
...On the one hand, it's a pamphlet. On the other hand, it can't hurt to pray to Alfirin for some clarity here.
The disclaimer on the officially available supplement to the Acts now reads:
THE CHURCH OF IOMEDAE FORMALLY DISRECOMMENDS THAT LAYPERSONS READ THIS MATERIAL.
ALFIRIN WAS* NOT A GOOD PERSON.
ALFIRIN WAS* NOT A ROLE MODEL.
ALL CONTEMPORARY COMMENTARY ON ALFIRIN WHICH THE CHURCH OF IOMEDAE HAS EXAMINED HAS CONTAINED SERIOUS HISTORICAL AND THEOLOGICAL INACCURACIES.
(*) If, hypothetically, Alfirin were still alive and active on Golarion, the Church would have decided not to tell you about it.
I have of late seen Much Confusion resulting from the Newly Revealed Chapters of the holy Acts of Iomedae concerning the Relations of the Mortal Iomedae with Her Lover. I suppose it chiefly the Confusion of Males as Biologically Incapable of Amorous Love as they are of Bearing Children.
The Woman by her Nature desires to Embrace her Fellow Woman; it is Innate to that Sex and Quite Natural. Iomedae was of course a Mortal Woman before She was a Goddess and had this same Innate Drive. I suppose it was Befuddled Males who Deleted these Portions of the holy Acts and am glad of their Return.
I suppose there to be Forms of Male Comradeship which while Nonphysical are Innate to the Male Sex. The Duration of alter self may be Insufficient for me to feel the Pull of whatever Analogous Drive there may be in place of Physical Love but perhaps you the Befuddled Male Reader may know it and draw Analogy.
THE TRUE HISTORY OF THE MOSTE SECRET ALFRINIC CULT
Although Alfirin was removed from Iomedae’s Holy Text at Alfirin’s own request (that she may wage war on Hell in secret), secret cults have maintained her worship and teachings! (This is not blasphemy, she ascended as a demigoddess of Elysium shortly after Iomedae’s own ascension). Her secret cults have operated under a variety of names to hide from the Thrunes and even deceive Hell! Some of her names are as follows.
ERECURA (Under this name Alfirin had one of her clerics, Theopho Levan Watcher of the Runes, operate seemingly openly under the Thrunes, brazenly deceiving them! But consider: Could a chosen of a Queen of Hell channel positive energy? Would a chosen of a Queen of Hell spend so much time healing the sick and tending to the poor? Would a chosen of a Queen of Hell give such true and helpful advice opposing Evil to so many? Would any so committed to Hell free their slaves the moment it was legal and richly pay them to go about their new free lives?)
EISETH (Under this name, Alfirin had a cult well known for helping women in need, disguising it as a matter of cruel revenge under the Thrunes, and now openly helping needing beggar women.)
ASHAVA (Known as a millennia old Empyreal Lord under this name, but in truth this was a deception against Hell to mislead them as to her true age and origin.)
FORMALLY DISRECOMMENDS THAT LAYPERSONS READ THIS MATERIAL
Fernando is kind of tempted to read about Alfirin, so he’ll know what not to do, but he is capable of following clear instructions! He is layperson, so he does not read the material, or even any pamphlet mentioning this “Alfirin”.
...Two women hugging each other is a type of sex?? Wow, sex with women is great, apparently, and also way easier than she thought.
......did Valia know they were, apparently, having sex?
"THE TRUE HISTORY OF THE MOSTE SECRET ALFRINIC CULT" is proselytizing for infernal powers. That one gets a death sentence.
(And, more subtley, importing more Shelynites from Isarn who've known about women sleeping together for centuries. They joys of cultural exchange!)
No see, she was claiming that Alfirin was disguising herself as an infernal power, not that the infernal powers named were themselves Good!
She was just trying to make a few coins, laundry no longer pays a living wage, even without school debts!
She’s been in one of Theopho’s channels herself, he can’t be evil!
She watched that Eisethia girl give alms to a beggar, she can’t be Evil!
This was her first pamphlet!
(The judge is unmoved by any of these arguments.)
Pamphlets are 30 days imprisoned right? And they are even feeding prisoners now? At least she’ll survive. What? Proselytizing for Infernal Powers is a death sentence! She was pamphleeting, not proselytizing! (The judge continues to be unmoved by this distinction.)
She’ll refuse the mercy of the final blade, she’s hopeful she can make Elysium, and sure she can at least make the Maelstrom. She hopes she comes back as a Brimorak to burn this city!
(Carlota Chelam, can you please get on with it with the banning all pamphlets?)
(Nice work with Geryon, by the way.)
Secret Ways of Far Osirion
Are you an unmarried man seeking to avoid vice? Is your girlfriend refusing you unless you adopt a dozen orphans? Did your wife and mistress learn of each other and run off to practice the Alfrinic Ways? These calamities befall countless Men of Westcrown.
Consider the Secret Ways of Far Osirion.
How do the men of Far Osirion, forbidden from the touch of woman until marrying and forbidden from marrying until the age of fifty, survive? How did Holy Abadar and the Royal Pharo produce a son of legendary power despite both being men?
Behold, the Secret Ways of Far Osirion!
How does one obtain these techniques? If of Lawful temperament, go to the temple of Abadar and find a foreign cleric. If of Anarchic temperament, the Calistrians possess the same secret knowledge.
Simplicio: Lo, I will pray to Abadar for Knowledge of Intimate Relations between Men, for a Vile Pamphlet has told me that such are Practised in Far Osirion.
Abadar: Pray tell, what are these Men and Women of which you Speak? I perceive only Economic Agents.
An image traced from a romance novel, with Ancient Orisonian royal garb crudely added onto one figure and a holy symbol of scales on the other.
Caption: Who’s my little economic agent?”
THE CHURCH OF IOMEDAE FORMALLY DISRECOMMENDS THAT LAYPERSONS READ THIS MATERIAL.
The laundry-wizards will dutifully copy this disclaimer as part of the Acts of Iomedae and Alfirin! They can call this the Authorized Version!
Unfortunately, the disclaimer and the Acts are sold together, and laypeople are disinclined not to read for something they've already paid for.
Also, the epic verse is great. Did you know there was epic verse about doomed romance? (And not even in Old Skald!) The market has a great and yearning demand that Nuria Tosta is very far from filling.
The DANGERS of ALFIRIC RELATIONS
While it is known that the practice of Alfiric Love brings many BENEFITS, among them Safety from Pregnancy and Joyful Relaxation in Feminine Fellowship, there is also a GRAVE DANGER in such relations:
One who practices ALFIRIC LOVE will NEVER AGAIN BE SATISFIED IN MARRIAGE!
For though the Marital Act bring Some Small Pleasure even to the Woman, it is well known that the Man achieves the Greater Degree of Satisfaction. As his Naive Bride knows no differently, she feels herself Fully Satisfied as well - but THIS IS NOT SO! Once she has learned of the Tender Touch of a FELLOW WOMAN, No Man Shall Ever Again Compare!
Indeed, it is FOR THIS VERY REASON that HOLY IOMEDAE, having known the Exquisite Touch of Her Archmage Lover, NEVER TOOK A HUSBAND!
You need not believe the words of this Simple Pamphlet - the Experienced Women of the RIPE PLUM will gladly Share Their Knowledge on these matters. They have Practiced the Afiric Arts for many generations, and become SKILLED MISTRESSES OF THIS HIDDEN PLEASURE!
Heed well, women of Westcrown! If you wish to remain Satisfied With Your Meager Lot and free from the Allures of Greater Pleasures, then at all costs avoid the RIPE PLUM on WINERY STREET!
It's not that he doesn't appreciate the compliments but that can't be a good idea to publish. Please stop.
Ah, she's been executed already? Well, shit.
Erecura has nothing to do with Alfirin to the best knowledge of Westcrown's Local Expert on Erecura, save that they were probably both born mortal women and the Church of Iomedae disapproves of both of them. Eiseth probably has even less in common.
Please do not promote the worship of Erecura in Cheliax, as that is Illegal. Even if you happen to worship Erecura, Her dictates would advise you not to spread it to others under these circumstances. Promoting worship of Eiseth is also illegal, and also definitely Evil and stupid, so you shouldn't spread that no matter what Eiseth thinks. And should also stop worshipping her, seriously, why.
Also, Erecura is notorious for her romantic involvement with a male archdevil. What were you thinking.The author knows nothing of Ashava and takes no position on Her, but if she's not a Power of Hell it's probably harmless to believe She is an ex-mortal archmage and harmless to believe She isn't.
-- Theopho Lebanel, empowered of Erecura and local expert. Former proprietor of the temple of Erecura, which has been voluntarily shut down.
He's going to go check with a Crown prosecutor before publishing this just in case, but it seems safe enough.
With the reëmergence of Westcrown as the Capital City of Cheliax, formerly the Western Taldoran Empire, many proposals have circulated regarding the name of Westcrown, and even the Mad Galtan Cotonnet has convened a convention to consider new names for the City, being it no longer the Crown of the West but instead the Crown of Cheliax Freeëd.
The new excerpts of The Acts of Iomedae reveal to us a new saint of the Iomedaean Faith, the new State Religion of Cheliax, and provide for us the possibility of a name based on this heretofore unknown Saint, much like the city of San Arnisant in Taldor or Marittown in Mendev. While many small towns have duplicated names, this would be most inappropriate for a Capital City, which should be unique amongst all cities of the world, and since all other Iomedaeaen Saints have their names taken in use of other cities, we must swiftly rename ourselves to Saint Alfirinsburg, in order to prevent a jealous rival from stealing this name.
Not only does the State Religion of Iomedaeaeanism point us in this direction; for the land of Cheliax is now known for its many Wizard Schools and also of the Four Archmages who freeëd our country from Asmodeus (Messirs. Cotonnet and Shawil, and Mmes. Cotonnet and Dujardin, the Queen being a mightly swordswoman and no Archmage), and thus to name our country after an Archmage of Yore who defended it from the evil skeleton Tar Bafon is right and just, and though the Church of Iomedae judges her Evil, so does it judge us as evil, and yet we both do Worship Iomedae.
While it is unknown where she is today, whether ascended to one of the higher planes as Iomedae's godly lover or still living as many Archmages do achieve, she certainly would look fondly on our remembrance of her via the Naming of our City, and guide us to bright new futures with her Mage Hand.
This has gone quite far enough. Thus far Alfirin has only murdered people over it where the law gave her a reasonable excuse to, but that's still at least one person dead who didn't have to be.
The Church can keep its secrets. It cannot keep his.
To the people of Westcrown and all the Iomedaen faithful of the world:
Recently word has reached me of the publication in Westcrown of a section of the Acts of Iomedae previously lost in this age of history, concerning Alfirin the ally and companion of the eventual Goddess, and of the rumor and speculation that has proliferated in its wake. I write to the people of Westcrown concerning the truth of these rumors, that they may not in repeating them inadvertently promote heresy or dissent within the Faith of Iomedae.
It is already known to some of you that I was born more than seven hundred years ago, in the year 3951 A.R., having been turned to stone in the thirty-ninth year of my life by an ancestor of the diabolical Thrunes, and returned to life only with the recent downfall of that House. I have been a follower of Iomedae my entire life and am intimately familiar with the text of the Acts as it was in that ancient era, before any deletions or modifications had been made, and am also somewhat familiar with the secular history of the Shining Crusade commissioned and authorized by Iomedae herself, now altogether lost. The accuracy and integrity of my memories, up to a reasonable expectation of mortal fallibility, has been confirmed by the Goddess Iomedae herself via Commune with a priest of her Church.
It is by this authority that I tell you that the recently published passages, although genuine as the Church affirms, are incomplete, and misleading in their incompletion: in truth, Alfirin returned to the service of the Shining Crusade a handful of years after the end of her personal relationship with Iomedae. She became an archmage shortly after the death of Arazni, and was the close, invaluable, and trusted ally of Iomedae throughout the entire period that the latter was Knight-Commander of the Crusade, although no hint of personal intimacy between them is recorded in any history with which I am familiar. She departed Iomedae's service immediately after the defeat of the Whispering Tyrant, and appears no more thereafter in any history, nor do I know anything of her later activities or ultimate fate that has not been designated secret by the Church of Iomedae.
Neither the Church of Iomedae nor I disapprove of amorous relations between women in their generality. However, the use of the term 'Alfirinic' to refer to such relations, and the veneration of Alfirin as a Chaotic Good goddess of the same, strike me as both dangerous to the integrity of Iomedae's faith and insulting to the memory of a cherished friend and ally of the mortal Iomedae. In truth there is no evidence that she was any more concerned with such than any number of women even within the armies of the Shining Crusade, and I can say with rather great certainty that she was neither Chaotic Good nor a god. Her alignment is not known to history, owing to her long habit of concealing it carefully even from her closest allies, but the consensus of historians in the era of my birth was that she was most likely Lawful Evil, although she is not recorded to have committed any obviously iniquitous acts. Furthermore, while her ultimate goals and motives were obscure, she had at times made known her general opposition to the power that the gods wield over mortal kind. It is possible that she ascended to godhood at some point to further her own strange purposes, but I think it unlikely that, even in such case, she would wish to be worshipped.
I swear before holy Iomedae, and before all the gods of Law and Good, and upon my own honor, that all these words here written are true.
Alfonso Antoninus Iomedae Blanxart, Archduke of the Heartlands, &c.
Below this he affixes the Archducal seal, and below that the attestation and seal of the priest of Abadar who truth-spelled him about the contents of the letter.
He might be putting himself in danger by writing this, of course, but his own model of Alfirin is much less moved to murder by the revelation that she existed as an Evil archmage than by speculation that she's a Chaotic Good goddess of love.
She is so lucky she didn’t actually name Eiseth in “ON THE VIRTUES OF ALFIRINIC LOVE”. And serves that bitch right for stealing her ideas about Alfirin disguised as Eisethia. She didn’t appreciate the beauty of Alfinic love anyway. Anyway, seeing the more recent decrees and claims and such, she’s changing tactics… it won’t sell as well but it will let her keep her head…
THE TURBULENT LOVE OF ACAZNA AND FINARIL (Part 1)
Long before Azlant established itself under the Gods Amazen and Acazna, when Acazna was a mortal woman, she had a right hand and lover Finaril, herself a potent Enchantress, but their love was not to be, for Finaril was Lawful Evil…
[The pamphlet is longer than most at several pages, front and back and has Acazna as a thinly veiled take on Iomedae (except Chaotic Neutral) and Finaril as a mix of Lady Eriape and Alfirin. There is some foreshadowing that Amazen will conspire to replace or usurp Finaril’s place as Acazna’s lover and lots of ironic comments about Azlant’s future fate. It ends on a cliffhanger with Acazna finding out about a dark necromantic ritual Finaril has undergone on Amazen’s advice.]
Is Amaznen here supposed to represent Aroden, or—?
Maybe he's too used to analyzing everything as elaborate satire, but he's pretty sure it wasn't like that.
EVEN MORE TRUE* HISTORY OF THE SHINING CRUSADE
Iomedae: O my Dear Alfirin, I cannot Love You any longer, for I Fear that you shall become a Vile Lich.
Alfirin: O my Dear Iomedae, I am Wounded! Would you Flee from my Touch only because my Hands are Cold?
Iomedae: Liches are not only Cold but Evil.
Alfirin: But I am Already Evil.
Iomedae: That May Be, but a Living Mortal is capable none the less of Redemption, and of Love, for Good and Evil dwell in every Living Heart. With a Vile Lich this is Not So.
Alfirin: You fear that by Great Magics I shall make of my Former Self an Inhuman Mockery, Incapable of any Love?
Iomedae: Yes.
Alfirin: Certainly One Of Us is planning to Do That.
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