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Cayden Cailean is Good
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Many Priests, of late, have spoken of how one might attain Goodness by following their Teachings. Some have told you that you ought take up Pitchforks and join Riotous Mobs against the Nobility; others have told you to welcome Strange Children into your Home and raise them as yours; still others have told you that you ought Forgive those who have done you Evil, treating them as if they are Friends rather than Cruel and Wicked Men.

I say to you now: Goodness need not be so difficult!

For among the Good Gods, Cayden Cailean has set out a path towards Goodness that requires scarcely any Effort. For Cayden tells us that it is Good to drink Ale, and Good to share Ale with others. One may pursue this path simply by travelling to a nearby Tavern and Drinking their Ale. This need not be costly in Coin, nor in Time, nor in Effort, and though Cayden may be an Anarchic God, it is far more Lawful than the formation of Riotous Mobs.

There are many forms of Goodness that grow more Difficult the more they are Practiced, and so Defeat Themselves. For if a man gives all his spare Coin to Beggars, he will find himself Penniless, and if a man welcomes an Orphan into his home, he will find it more difficult to care for the Second than the First, and still more difficult the Third, until he is scarcely better than an Orphanage. But a man who Drinks Deeply will often find himself stirred shortly to Return to the Tavern, until it is far more difficult to Avoid it than to Enter it. Every day, such a man will grow closer to Cayden and closer to Goodness, until the sins of his past have been washed clean by the Pure Brews of Cayden.

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This one will also get redistributed with the butt-stamp.

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Cayden's Pure Heart

It is well known that Cayden Cailean, the great adventurer, delighted in drink, and yet was Good. Even TO EXCESS he drank, and yet he was Good.

BUT THIS IS NO PROTECTION to most ordinary people. IN DRINK WE ARE FREE, but FREE TO DESTROY as much as TO CREATE. Only an Exceptional Man or Woman, whose Nature is ENTIRELY GOOD, may drink freely with No Fear of Evil. CAYDEN CAILEAN WAS SUCH AN EXCEPTIONAL MAN; WE OTHERS ARE NOT.

Why, then, does Cayden preside over Drink and Revelry, if it Does Harm?

Because ONLY WHERE MEN ARE FREE AND WHOLE CAN REVELRY SPREAD. Cayden sees the hearts of those seeking Freedom and Good for all, and for those hearts he IMPARTS JOY AND REVELRY, whether By Means of Drink or No

Should, Then, We Drink?

Only a Tyrant would forbid all beer and wine from their people. But BE IT KNOWN: Drinking UNWISELY can Cause GREAT EVIL, chiefly in Excess. Drink with your friends and family, who can PUT THE BOTTLE AWAY if you are Passing Your Limits. Drink in the Tavern of a GOOD BARKEEP OF CAYDEN, who shows the Blessed PLACARDS OF WISDOM, who will Bid You Stop as is his Holy Duty. You are Only Mortal and must TRUST IN OTHERS, and This Too is Cayden's Desire.

Be Mindful of the Dangers of Drink, even as you Enjoy the Blessings.  Drink not to Become Good, but Because Good Permits It.

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This is surprisingly sensible for a pro-alcohol pamphlet. Maybe Archduchess Bainilus would like it, she'll save a copy to mail to her after the trial's done with.

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Viricanilla rolls her eyes at the "How Men might become Good without need for Great Strife" pamphlet. Certainly how Pharasma judges mortals often seems to make no sense, but if drinking ale made people Good, the previous regime would have banned it, especially given all the opportunities for injustice and tyranny such a ban would have occasioned.

(So, why would anybody make such a silly claim? Well, it's obvious, especially after the riots, that there are a lot of idiots in the city who are desperate to be "good". An unscrupulous tavernkeep or the like looking to drum up business might well see that as an opportunity.)

The "Cayden's Pure Heart" pamphlet . . . seems to completely avoid saying anything false, while making sensible points, without obviously advancing any unstated agenda. Given every other pamphlet Viricanilla has seen, this is . . . weird. Unsettling, even. Hopefully the Queen's spymasters are on top of things, because whoever is behind whatever subtle plot is being advanced by this pamphlet is going to be dangerous.

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Simplicio: I am Simplicio, the foolish but goodhearted Drunk. 

Fibrewcia*: I am Fibrewcia, learned purveyor of Ale and Wine. 

Simplicio: Hic. Ale. Give me Ale.

Fibrewcia: You stumble sodden into my establishment and ask for more? 

Simplicio: Paradise. O give me more; Wine and Ale take me to Paradise.

Fibrewcia: Such are the Sad Words of every Lush.

Simplicio: No! It is said that Wine and Ale make a man Good and Free to go to Paradise when the Judgement comes.

Fibrewcia: Behold the reverse! You are bound to the Tavern even when you wish to flee. When Wine and Ale call you are forced to obey, as a Slave in Chains. Then in Drunken Rage your fists Torment your own Family, as the Whip of the Tyrant.

Simplicio: No! No! Those are the Vices of Asmodeus. What of the Virtues of Cayden? 

Fibrewcia: I cannot deny, Wine and Ale bring Bravery and Camraderie. Yet in Drunkenness does the Asmodean emerge.

Simplicio: How can this be? I am deeply confused.

Fibrewcia: The answer is clear. The Draught of Cayden and the Draught of Asmodeus are two Separate Substances. It is the Vile Thrunes who deceived Cheliax into believing they are one and the same. 

Simplicio: I will call on the Constitutional Convention to ban the sale of Evil Drink and encourage the sale of Good Drink. 

 

*presume an equivalent name pun works in Taldene

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