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Sep 29, 2020 9:42 AM
meanwhile,
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She laughs, though she holds her position until Kaylee can get a few shots. "How do I look?"

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"Pretty!"  And she shows her.

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"You're good with the camera!"

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"Aww, thanks," she says.  "Can I see your pictures?"

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"Sure." She shows them.

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Hee, is that what she looks like when she smirks?  She kinda likes it.

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 - is that what she looked like when she stabbed the other girl in the shoulder.

Something curdles in her stomach.  She - doesn't like this picture so much, suddenly.

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" - Are you okay?"

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"Yeah.  I - "

She hands Lianne back her phone, looks away.

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"What's up?"

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She should just tell her.

I would've been too afraid to save you, so I wished to be braver, but...

Somehow she'd imagined that it all had become easy, now that she'd told Mal about it, now that Mal had still been willing to help her instead of shunning her for what she'd turned herself into.  But it still looms just as great and terrifying and shameful in her mind.

She can't say it.  But maybe she can say some of it -

"I'm not sure... I like who I am when I fight other magical girls."

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"...What do you mean?"

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"It's - "

" - when I was fighting the other girl, with the musket - "

This was so much easier when she could take five minutes to compose an essay about it.

" - it was fun.  I liked - making her have to run.  It felt like a game.  I could've stopped her without - stabbing her in the shoulder, I think I could've just wrapped her up in ribbons, but instead - "

Her fists clench.

"I liked - seeing her scared."

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Hug!

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She's - still, for a moment.  Shocked.  Not frozen or paralyzed, exactly, it's not that she doesn't want to be hugged, but -

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Well, now she's crying, a little.  And hugging her back.

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So! Many! Hugs! She has no idea how to handle this so she will Just Hug.

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Kaylee is just going to cry into Lianne's shoulder for a little while.

Her breath hitches, and she sobs, and she - kind of also laughs.

"I thought - you'd - "

She doesn't seem up to finishing that sentence right this second but she seems to be smiling, through her tears.

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Tight hug! "I - you're good, Kaylee."

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She giggles a little, weakly, into Lianne's shoulder.

"I didn't used to - "

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"It's - "

She dehugs, mops at her eyes a little.  Takes a deep, kind of shuddering breath.

"Kyubey talked me into - making this stupid wish - that I'd be braver, and better at fighting witches, and - it feels like it's making me like fighting more - other magical girls, too, not just witches - I don't know what kind of person I am anymore."

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Oh No.

"That's - "

"That's Kyubey's fault, not yours, and - "

"That must suck so much, I'm sorry I - didn't notice anything wrong - "

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"No you don't have to apologize - "

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"I - should notice when you're upset."

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