I am happy to not mention it.

I've been kind of figuring it was good for you? I don't mind, if that's what you need, I'd rather you have someone to talk to about it if that's helpful. But it's not exactly a relaxing day-off topic.

It is good for me, but I can identify other people who it's good for. Or I should be able to.

She nods. I'm not upset or anything. I was confused, a little bit, I wasn't sure if you'd really meant you wanted me to take the day to be around to talk to when you said I should take the day off - you can ask for that if you want it, by the way - but it wasn't a big deal, just, you aren't there yet.

I think I might have to believe that any of this is real - not completely, but on some level - before I can fully do right by people in it. I hope not.

Me too. I still haven't come up with anything I can do to help with that - can't even really ask about the problem without making it worse, I don't think.

I don't mind talking about it, but yeah, if I tell you something'd seem more plausible and then you did that it wouldn't help.

Mmhmm. And if there's something I might do on my own, and you tell me or even give me a clue, then when I do it it won't help even if it otherwise would have. So. Shouldn't talk about it, frustrating as that is.

He does it to hurt everyone who cares about someone in Angband as much as he can. So it's - a sort of victory - to not let him hurt my family.

Yeah, that's one way of looking at it. She still seems dubious, though not very confident in her disagreement. I just hope you're not underestimating them.

How?

It's possible you're not? They've been a lot less curious than I would have expected, really. But if they're just waiting to see it from you - they won't have to figure out what the truth is to figure out that you're keeping something from them, and that might not hurt them as much but it'll still hurt them, I think.

I have a reputation for liking secrets for my own entertainment, so that might not bother them too much.

Might, yeah.

I think how I'd see it, in your position, would be that the victory would be in not letting this divide you from them or damage your relationships. Which, I'm not sure there's a way to get both of those victories? And it's definitely up to you which you care about. But it definitely doesn't seem as straightforward to me as it seems to to you.

I can fix our relationship after the war. And I'll have relearned how to people, that'll help.

...if you haven't damaged it beyond repair in the meantime...

They're my brothers. I couldn't if I wanted to.

She continues making a skeptical face at him for another few seconds. May I talk to Findekáno about this?

Yeah.

Thanks. If you're right I don't want to push, but if you're missing how big of a risk you're taking because you don't think it's a real risk... I still won't stop you but I'd at least like to know what problems it's going to cause. She sighs.

I trust Findekáno. If it's really him he'll be able to help you figure it out.

Yeah. Another sigh. Hate this.

I'm sorry. And on your day off. You really don't need to worry about me.

It's not your fault and yes I do, I wouldn't be myself if I didn't. I'm just frustrated, I'll be fine.

That's the Enemy. Hurting everyone I touch, like he's found a way to use me even if I don't think he made me his...