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(To my cousin who has obtained my little Pamphlet, I recommend you read it Alowd before unlettered cousins, for Merriment, and before young Children afeared of tallfolk, for Reassurance.)

Those large, ungainly beasts that lumber around, the odious TALL PIG, are rightly accurst and feard by we small folk, for many are the times when this Livestock blunder out of its pen and make of itself a great nuisance. You may wonder why the Gods put such a useless blundering creature in the World, but I have learned the sole useful Qualitys of the TALL PIG to be Good Taste and Good Nutrition, and I humbly hope to teach you and yours how to rid yourselfs of a Nuisance and put a Solid Hearty Meal in your Bellys.

The TALL PIG is like the Boar, in that to hunt and bring one down it is best to hunt with a few stout fellows, and circle and confuse it while it lumber about in confusion. If four or five fall on it with Clubs or good sharp Knives it will come down after awhile, and after its possessions are stripped, two or three may carry the Carcass home to butcher.

Now the organ-meat of the TALL PIG is oft wretched, the heart thin, the liver poisoned and shrivelld, and of the kidneys, little can be said that I would wish to put to paper. Of the true meats the choicest cut is the Belly, or would be were the TALL PIG not wasteful and indolent, ruining the Belly with fat and gristle. Nonetheless the fat may be rendered and put to good use in the Household. The Rump and Back are tough but suited for Stewing, and the Limbs have good meat for Smoking and making a good hearty Jerky.

To make a good Stew to feed your household, the bones of the TALL PIG will make a fine stock, adding a bit of fat, and stewing the tougher cuts, adding what Vegetable scraps you want to put to use, from Noon to Dinnertime. When you sit down and have a bowl of fine TALL PIG stew, your household will laugh merrily and wonder why it ever cursed such a delicious Beast!

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Ever since the older Sisters of the Abbey of Ashes figured out a house held, not a bunch of delegates with halfling servants they trusted so much as to let them collect their masters' daily stipends, but rather, halfling delegates themselves, they have debated how to approach them.  Seeing as how all of them have been raised in a monastery, and even the more savvy Sisters like Dia had a limited education into common sense matters, they looked for what information they could.  Casual conversations and carefully read texts lacked a full consensus but suggested several commons ideas:  halfling were stupid (possibly to the point of being animals that could barely talk); halflings were shiftless and lazy; halflings were cunning in their laziness; halflings were thieves that worshipped Norgorber when not enslaved by their more lawful betters; halflings were most happy working simple lives as field labor.

Dia knew better than that.  As one of the Sisters trained in blending into the streets, she was taught the basics of many thieves' and murders' minor Gods.  And one God in particular was a halfling God, Thamir.  The worshippers of Thamir are feared even by those of Norgorber for their eagerness to murder.  The common knowledge that halflings were thieves prone to worshipping Norgorber was a cover for this much darker truth.

The Sisters agreed the the pamphlets were garbage in terms of factual accuracy, fit only as a measuring stick of public sentiments, but if this was the public sentiment of halflings that they could plan in advance to write down, that was quite worrisome.  And it put a frightening new spin on one of Dia's theories.

To explain Dia's theory... seeing as how halflings are ordinarily like animals that can talk, there is a question of how they are capable of such effective murder as to warrant the God Thamir's interest.  The obvious solution is that halflings have an animal instinct for murder and assassination.  But then how are they kept as slaves most of the time?  The Abbey has texts describing Orcs with a natural instinct for raging and berserking, so perhaps the halflings' assassination instincts only activated for brief under certain conditions: perhaps when a target was sufficiently helpless, or beneath them, or showing weakness?  Any of these could activate brief flashes of instinct.  But, to write a pamphlet requires careful forethought and planning.  So they have some way of activating their assassination instincts for extended periods of time!  Perhaps simply being free from slavery for long enough activates it?  This was close to a worse case scenario.  Alternatively, perhaps some enterprising halfling(s) had tied up some people helpless in a basement somewhere and were delaying their deaths so that they could activate their assassination instincts at will.  Dia would commend such cleverness except for the danger posed to herself and her Sisters and at least that would mean not every free halfling is threat.

Either way, Dia will push for further delays on contacting the halfling delegates.  She knows how easily anyone can go down if their back is turned and a vital is struck carefully enough.

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(On the proper disposal of the halfling or human races) It has come to our Attention that certain Unseemly Pamphlets of late have been circulated. We feel compelled to offer a Key Insight to those Weak Souls who might be swayed by their misguided Rhetoric. 

We have long studied the various Forms that Men and Beasts may take when Imbued with the Obverse Power. It is with this Knowledge that We must warn against the Promotion and Exhortion of certain Practices, chief among them the Consumption of the Flesh of Men!

Let it be known that of Such Acts, Even the Exhortion of Such, far from solving the Problems of Hunger or Halfling, serve only to create a far greater Menace. For in the Wake of such Promotion or Practice that Arise creatures most foul and Undisciplined- the Ghoul, that ravening Beast that knows neither Loyalty nor Law!

These Ghouls possess neither the Dignity nor the Restraint seen in our Own Disciplined Servants and Servitors!

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...This is a joke, right? Somebody needs a better hobby. Like reading romance novels. Although the retaliatory pamphlets are occasionally amusing, so maybe not. 

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I have said in other pamphlets that humanoids are generally bad eating! Feed the humans to OWLBEARS instead! For they have much more meat, and their wing arm things are really very tasty once plucked and roasted. Exceptions to be made for fat nobles, having much more meat than the normal human, and having been raised on a diet of fine food leaving their flesh tender and flavourful.

Regular pigs will also eat most corpses, and pigs are great snacks! Please think of the quality of your food! You can do better than tall pork. Feed it to a tastier creature instead to fatten it up.

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