I am a very good judge of this sort of thing, and I am telling you, sure as the world is round, that Cressida Kroft.

Is.

Not.

Hot.

It seems opinions differ.

This is worse than when I found out that people like eating cottage cheese.

Do you think she's hotter than me.

Eh?

Sweet Hell. You do, don't you?

What? Why does that matter?

It matters if there are people in my city who think Cressida Kroft is hotter than me! Cressida Kroft!

How old are you, twelve?

Nineteen!

You don't act half it. 

I'm in my eighties. You're like a little kid to me; no, I don't think you're "hot."

Kroft is like a billion years old! You're like a little kid to her!

Wait, is that true?

Can I attempt an untrained knowledge check against DC 10 to identify a humanoid (human)?

I am human. And thirty-four.

Eighty-seven, divide by two, add seven...

Fifty-point-five.

Eh, whatever. Do you want to go get drinks some time?

Maybe I'll CONSIDER it LATER if the PLANET SURVIVES.

I am LOSING my MIND over here.

Kroft starts taking age penalties on her next birthday. -1 Strength, Con, Dex. If we have to rematch her it'll be before then, I bet.

Or.

She's going to become undead.

My money's on, uh, graveknight. She's got that red armor - she's not wearing it right now, but, she's got it, and it's really distinctive armor. Oh, and graveknights can bind weaker undead to their service, so she could have a bunch of shadow minions, which is, like, thematic.

How much money? That's a really specific scenario.