blinkenlights: holy
Mezzopiano: are you claiming you got all that down? srsly?
spirulinagalaxy: oh god I want curry now. brb ordering bombay garden

[pic of tummy]

blinkenlights: you should take up food photography as a serious hobby
unicorn: how many people does she have in the kitchen??

Idk like a lot probably

Also after I finished everything we kissed

It was heavenly

I asked her to come cuddle with me but she said she was busy

God she's so soft and warm and grabbable 

pithy: k I hate to be the one to break it to you but I'm worried she may only be using you for your body
Aquinas: I have to recommend against throwing yourself into this gluttonous excess when you know it's only going to lead to further pain and misuse of your body and empowering the forces of evil.

Maybe it's Aquinas's judgement, maybe it's the rancid take she just read on Tumblr, maybe it's the being turned down for cuddles, maybe it's the annoyingly sticky honey on her face that she was too eager to lie down to wash off, but her barrier of optimism finally cracks. She's scared. What if they're right? What if everything she said has been a lie? What if that little nagging voice in the back of her head that tells her that no one will ever really love her because she's gross and boring and unlovable was right? Tears form anew at the corners of her eyes

Ok so like

Hypothetically

If that were the case

If her intentions were not what they claim to be

What should I do

Hypothetically

In the conspiracy world, so to speak

unicorn: her... stated intentions... to keep you prisoner in her lair, fatten you up, and grow space pearls in you
unicorn: those intentions?

Her lair has a comfy bed and fast internet and gourmet meals and the space pearls apparently won't even be externally visible or anything and why are you acting like #2 is obviously bad you do remember who I am right

unicorn: I'm not saying you have to object to it but did she like, say that you were her girlfriend now and that she would love you forever or are you reading into it being hot
Aquinas: I disagree, I think she should object strenuously!
pithy: literally how would it help if she did that.
grape_fruit: does she have magical super antidepressants that don't do any of the things you don't want them to do?

I guess she didn't but like she has me completely at her mercy and is providing me with all these nice things instead of just keeping me chained up and gavaging me so that says something right? Right???

spirulinagalaxy: yes. it says she prefers putting you in a spare bedroom and letting you eat what she eats over maintaining you in laboratory conditions. not a super strong statement really?
Mezzopiano: 2HOU3THOGH3490
Mezzopiano: sorry my cat has no sense of dramatic timing
Mezzopiano: k pal you may have to come to terms with the fact that the supervillain who kidnapped you yesterday because you looked like an oyster if she squinted may, despite throwing in some rape, not be looking for a serious emotional relationship as hard as you
blinkenlights: "rape"
grape_fruit: it is! it's not stereotypical rape but lbr k can't leave!

You idiots. You fucking idiots. I was so happy and comfy and you guys just had to ruin it with your doubting and your questions and your reasonable skepticism and now I'm all anxious and scared and like I was trapped before but now I really feel trapped and there's no one I can go to for comfort aaaaaaaaaaaa

That said if what she did to me was rape then there was no such thing as consensual heterosexual sex before the 20th century

unicorn: yeah there kind of wasn't
grape_fruit: *hugs*
Aquinas: It can be very painful and terrifying to come to terms with the reality of one's situation and its precarity.
spirulinagalaxy: aq I don't think that is helping.

I'm an idiot. I'm such a fucking idiot. I should've known better than to believe I could ever be loved. Thanks for reminding me guys. Next time a cute girl talks to me I'll immediately call the cops because I know that I'm a gross loser with no special talents or likeable traits and anyone who acts like they're interested in me is actually just trying to harvest my organs.

Mezzopiano: I think this is information about... supervillains... not about you...
pithy: okay k the pendulum swung over there, so now we're gonna pull it back this other direction, only not quite so far out this time, got it? and then repeat as necessary till you are no longer swinging straight past a rational opinion coming and going.
spirulinagalaxy: I'm torn. On the one hand it's obviously better if K is happy, all else being equal; but on the other hand this is genuinely a very dangerous and corrosive situation and if being happy reduces her odds of escaping it's hard to root for it.

Escape? How the fuck am I gonna escape? I'm a normal ass human with no powers in the middle of a supervillain's lair which is located on an island in the middle of I'm not actually sure which ocean but the names of supes who might come I heard her say were Spanish so I'm gonna guess the Caribbean or Gulf of Mexico

She does partially believe this, but the fact that Monoceros is probably monitoring her is factoring into her decision to say it.

pithy: I mean for sure if you do have an idea you should absolutely say it right here in the clear on the semipublic internet. no way that will go wrong.
spirulinagalaxy: I don't know, just, it's not like you're on the moon or something.

OCTOPUSISYUM has sent you a friend request!

wavesrollin has sent you a friend request!

MelonMelonMelon has sent you a friend request!

Queequeg has sent you a friend request!

She accepts the friend requests and adds them all to a group DM

Hi

You guys are the belugas?

She really hopes they're not here to bust her for contemplating escape.

Queequeg: yes. is beluga.
OCTOPUSISYUM: give me octopus.
wavesrollin: new legged swim? swim with beluga?
MelonMelonMelon: eated a smelt. eated it up.
OCTOPUSISYUM: give me octopus.
wavesrollin: keep new legged safe to swim!
Queequeg: keep away bad boat.
Queequeg: keep away evil fish.
Queequeg: keep away bad DEVICE.
wavesrollin: device BAD
wavesrollin: device from BAD OTHER LEGGED

She breathes a sigh of relief.

Hi!!! Yes I would love to swim with you sometime. Ok so idk if this is a bad question but I've been wondering about it ever since I heard about you guys. Last night we had whale milk ice cream. Did that come from you guys? Is that not weird for you? Did one of you have a [google.com what are baby whales called] calf recently or does she induce it artificially? Also queequeg have you actually read Moby Dick?

OCTOPUSISYUM: give me octopus.
MelonMelonMelon: milk is from Melon.
MelonMelonMelon: Melon does not have calf.
Queequeg: no, boss name.
OCTOPUSISYUM: give me octopus.
OCTOPUSISYUM: give me octopus.
wavesrollin: swim! swim with new legged!

As freaked out as she was before, talking to adorable animals that make adorable noises and want nothing more than to frolic joyously with her is really easing her stress.

Yes!!! I swim with you! I swim with you soon! I give you splashies and perhaps octopus if I can! Hey how do you guys feel about having your melons touched? Do you like it or is it like someone poking your eye?

MelonMelonMelon: not as good as scritches.
wavesrollin: scritches! scritches!
Queequeg: is fine! squish.
OCTOPUSISYUM: give me octopus.

I will give you skritches. I will give you so many skritches. So so many.

*Switches back to friendserver*

Ok so yeah maybe Monoceros's intentions aren't entirely pure but y'know whose are? Her TALKING BELUGAS who I am going to get to SWIM WITH SOON and give SPLASHIES and SKRITCHES and TOUCH THEIR MELONS (the ball of fat on their heads that lets them echolocate she did not give them tits)

grape_fruit: okay that's very cute and wholesome. they talk??
blinkenlights: take pictures of the belugas!
spirulinagalaxy: why belugas and not something that breaches so you could go for exciting whale rides