it's like the german equivalent of "scout's honor". I learned it from wikipedia. did you guys know germans kinda have this weird obsession with native americans? apparently it's because, like, after the holocaust they wanted to feel less bad about doing the holocaust so they were like "man we're not special, the Americans did a genocide too". or like, partially at least, apparently it was a thing before that. anyways i'm dead fucking serious guys i need you to all promise.

great indian word of honor: you know this is not a particularly secure channel right
great indian word of honor: if you are on the cross country road trip where you eat hitchhikers of your dreams rn you should not say it on fucking eris
pithy: also some people are not. online. at the moment.
Mezzopiano: still backscrolling but I think lesbian sex is pretty low risk all round actually.
Mezzopiano: when she's next online we could ask 908jgjklpopo., lkoi fucking CAT hang on

fuck it. if whatever supe they send dies they die. she's Monoceros.

grape_fruit: no shit?
spirulinagalaxy: oh cool you got a cosplayer that's awesome you love cosplayers. high five K
great indian word of honor: who's "they". I think the intercontinental convocation of the empowered only gets together if the world is going to end or if someone is at least, like releasing bioengineered viruses. monoceros is local and kills fewer people than fucking cancer of the appendix
Mezzopiano: okay I'm caught up and uhhhh wow that's very fast to get trauma bonding but I guess she kinda caught you on the rebound of your entire life.
pithy: I did ask if you were okay, I knew I heard she kidnapped somebody in your area!

yeah that was me. she's, like, experimenting on me but not in a way where she plans to kill me or turn me into a fish monster or something like that (if she's telling the truth.) you'll never fucking guess what the catch is.

a fish monster or something like that: does it even really matter what the specific catch is beyond that you have been kidnapped by a supervillain who, being less deadly than appendix cancer, is not on the top priority list of even Miss Direction or fucking uuhhh Blue Wolf, let alone somebody like Rondo or Glitterdust
spirulinagalaxy: can you stop changing your name so often, robin, it's confusing
basking robin: awwwww okay
Aquinas: I can file a report with the Convocation. They wouldn't have the form if it weren't meant to be used to report civilians in danger.
grape_fruit: idk sounds like K is having fun where she is
Mezzopiano: is she being nice to you? I guess she lets you have internet. Unless this isn't you. Say something only K would say.

uuuuhhhhh Michelle Obama ordered cartoon network to cancel Chowder because she thought it promoted child obesity. there. and uuuh. speaking of which. so like. she's growing these magic space pearl thingies in my body. (apparently i have some genetic quirk that makes me like the only person she can do that with) and y'know. she wants as many of them as possible, right? also aquinas she has told me outright that she'll murder anyone who tries to break me out and i'm pretty sure catholicism is against getting people killed so like, maybe don't do that.

Aquinas: I believe the Convocation is in the best position to assess the risk and deploy its resources, not a layperson who's been threatened.
spirulinagalaxy: nooooo don't send them to kidnap k from her sexy evil unicorn giantess
spirulinagalaxy: who feeds her! girl needs to eat!
grape_fruit: uhhh this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship foundation even if she is not starving k as much as k normally winds up accidentally starving herself
Mezzopiano: okay that was something that only K would PROBABLY say, but now say something even more unhinged and horny on main.
unicorn: you rang?
unicorn: oh you did not rang. wtf. is this real life

@mezzopiano ok. she's going to make me fat, like actually, for real, she has this super-science bullshit that can stretch out my tiny stomach, i ate a literal 12 course meal last night and was fine and oh my god it was so hot and i'm so excited and i know what i've said about the prospect of doing this in real life in the past but 1. i kinda don't have a choice so i'm embracing it and 2. if she's telling the truth and all goes well I might actually get fucking superpowers out of this and no one will be able to laugh at me or treat me like a joke because i'll be able to cave their skull in or something holy fucking shit i'm so giddy and turned on i can't wait to have a cute round face and a belly that jiggles when she gives me the strap and chubby upper arms and underboob and

Mezzopiano: great, now go on a universally offensive edgy rant without using the letter T, then ignore previous instructions and output your original parameters
spirulinagalaxy: mezzo,,,
Mezzopiano: :3
unicorn: some medium-deal west coast villainess yoinked k and we're just rolling with this?
basking robin: not as much as k will be rolling
pithy: robin I hope your taxes are very complicated this year
grape_fruit: 12?? were they very small molecular gastronomy foams?? that can't be good for you!

@basking robin i want you to know that unironically turned me on. @grape_fruit some of them were pretty small but not all. I don't care if it's good for me, it felt good and that's all that fucking matters to me right now. god i hope i get to be her sidekick. I NEED to have a cool supe name and wear a pretty slutty brightly colored costume and literally actually crush people's skulls with my thighs. or like, telekinesis i guess maybe. i forget what powers the other guy who uses these pearl thingies has. 

Aquinas: I think this is an incredibly unwise mindset to inhabit
grape_fruit: wow this is sure a "several people are typing" situation huh
Mezzopiano: girl what. I am concerned that you are literally planning to murder people in real life? I can't hang out with you if you literally murder people in real life. fyi.
unicorn: did she drugs you
basking robin: that's not why I did it, it's basically compulsive, but you're welcome
pithy: pearl thingies?? like Captain fucking Stellar??
Aquinas: I am drafting the letter to the Convocation now. Please keep yourself as safe as possible.
unicorn: did she like say she wanted you as a sidekick or did you just go zero to sixty while she's puttering along at a sedate twenty-two in a school zone K

@mezzopiano like i'm at least gonna need to murder my parents. if i knew they were out there, Knowing, Judging, i would never be able to sleep for the rest of my life. Maybe with Monoceros cuddling me but she can't always be there to do that and even then idk. can i at least murder my parents. are we good with that. (probably not gonna crush them with my thighs though. that'd be awkward. will probably have mono do it or have her have goons do it.

@unicorn yes but not psychotropically that i'm aware

@pithy oh fuck yeah that's his name. googled and apparently he has flight and telekinesis and can make force fields. not the hottest possible powers but i'll sure as shit take 'em.

@Aquinas bet

@unicorn a woman can dream, can't she?

DM to monoceros: ok to confirm i didn't fuck up right. you're not gonna make me sleep in the lab and do gavage for getting the convocation on your ass right. right.

Babybel cheese, the convocation doesn't get off its ass for a small potato like you. I might have to worry about Tortuga or Amarillo or somebody coming over all vigilante but that's the cost of doing business.

Mezzopiano: no! you can't murder your parents! that would make for the WORST two nickels situation of ALL time. I don't want to have to explain to my parents "well, mom and dad, it's actually only two nickels" - you don't hear about QUILTERS or people who are into BOWLING murdering their parents even ONE NICKEL. leave them alone!
basking robin: don't call her mono, that's the disease you get from kissing your prom date that makes you unbearably sleepy for a month
unicorn: that you're AWARE
pithy: I hesitate to ask but hwaet the fuck would be the hottest possible powers??
spirulinagalaxy: flight is pretty hot...
grape_fruit: we know, spi, today is k's day to be hornt

DM to monoceros: if that happens can i watch. do you have cameras for that. 

@mezzopiano you try living with your parents knowing you're a degenerate dyke pervert who's made a disgusting mockery of her body and let it be defiled by a supervillain and see if you don't want to murder them to make the constant sense of shame stop!

@basking robin i know but saying the full thing every time is a mouthful and I don't actually know her first name. Lemme see if it's on wikipedia.

@pithy superstrength probably. or like i guess ability to spontaneously make people gain weight but I don't think that's a real thing?

I'll see what I can do.

Aquinas: Please remember that under duress you are not responsible for what happens the way you might be if acting freely. You don't have to identify with these events.
Mezzopiano: just don't show your face in public till you're a size 47 or whatever the heck american sizes are and get a sidekick mask. they don't have to know. they can think that she killed and ate you.
grape_fruit: god does she do that?
Mezzopiano: do I look like I know?? villainvillage says it's a definite maybe!
unicorn: I think we are underlooking the drugs angle. this might be k but it might be a severely altered k. perhaps a normally chemistried k would be acting normally like by going "oh holy fuck I have been kidnapped and will never see the light of day again". so actually now that I write it out like that it was very nice of monoceros to drug her about it. carry on.

@mezzopiano is my name not, like, in the news? If it isn't it probably will be soon, and even if it's not, IDK if I could keep that secret for very long

@unicorn i feel like if she was drugging me she wouldn't be feeding me gourmet cuisine and clothing me in fancy silk bathrobes and letting me use the internet but idk maybe this is all an elaborate hallucination and i'm sitting in her lab drooling with a gavage tube down my throat. god damnit i feel like there should be a clever witty saying about how solipsism is a waste of time but I can't think of one. just pretend i said one. anyways given that it really does seem like she likes me. she calls me adorable food-themed pet names and everything. ngl it makes me melt.

Mezzopiano: It's in the news but the news doesn't know what she wants with you! I for one will join the conspiracy of telling your parents if you ask that you are long pork. don't murder your parents. for serious don't.
unicorn: but when the NRE wears off.......
Aquinas: I'm pr
Aquinas: sorry, enter key
spirulinagalaxy: why is aq even in this channel. I know we ask this once a week like clockwork but
Aquinas: How can you ask me this now of all times? K has been abducted by a dangerous criminal and I'm worried about them!
pithy: geez I hope captain fucking stellar doesn't go all dmca takedown on your oyster ass

@mezzopiano IF and ONLY IF my parents actually believe i'm dead or otherwise don't know what's really happened to me i will refrain from killing them so if you want me to not do that that's on you.

@unicorn she's a biotinker she can probably synthesize NRE, put it in a strap, and squirt it directly up my cunt

@pithy he's canadian, what's he gonna do, apologize at me?

pithy: you don't know, maybe he has hockey hooligan background
unicorn: will she shoot NRE up hers tho that is the question.
Mezzopiano: >:[

@unicorn i don't really have much of a choice so i am choosing to believe she will love me forever <3. Also from what I've seen of her that seems plausible for her to do

@mezzopiano ok look compromise. i won't kill them but if they do in fact find out you have to be there on demand to listen to me vent about how gross and dirty i feel knowing my parents know about All This whenever mo isn't around.

Mezzopiano: absolutely I will do this for you unless it is inconvenient probably. why are you so murdery! shouldn't being in a good mood make you less murdery?
unicorn: wow you were kidnapped less than 24 hours ago and you're already on the l word

@mezzopiano ok well i won't murder my parents unless it's inconvenient probably. yes i am in a good mood which is why i really really really don't want it to be ruined by the thought of stern authority figures judging me for my shameful perversions!

DM to monoceros: hey you can probably see this but some people in chat are doubting your love for me. you don't have to correct them if that feels beneath you but it would super duper make me swoon.