"If she wanted it would also be possible for her to consult with attorneys. No one has yet attempted that."

"I met your arresting officer, I assume you got your lawyers free with a subscription to a taco stand."

"If you decline to find yourself representation the court will appoint you some."

"How am I supposed to find myself representation, tell you I want Agueda Silva and wait for you to fetch her?"

"Sure, I can give her a call."

"Go for it."

"I don't know if she'll agree to represent you, have anyone else in mind if she doesn't?"

"Yeah of course I know a million human lawyers," snorts Trelane, rolling her eyes. "That's definitely a thing I researched ahead of time."

"You could research it now," he says. "Or we can try to compile a list of human lawyers who want to familiarize themself with the Elven legal system and take daeva defendants, but that might take some time."

"If you know what you were doing you would have a directory or something here."

"We have the actual attorneys here so you can meet with them, we just don't have human ones among them because there are no humans accredited to navigate the Elven legal system."

She looks around. "Where? Where are they? Also why am I even being tried in the Elven legal system I didn't kill an Elf."

"Didn't answer Ganymede's summons and we too have an interest in ensuring murderers are not taking summons. And as we have records of having explained to you, you can go through the portal, though magic won't work there, to downtown Tirion and attorneys there are prepared to work with you."

"I don't care what you've recorded explaining to me, I don't speak Elf and if your prerequisite for getting a lawyer is being able to navigate a city I've never heard of before you're delusional."

"If you had expressed this concern before you would have been advised that they speak English. I am unfamiliar with any judicial systems under which 'being prosecuted in a city foreign to the defendant' was considered inadequate access to counsel, but if you desire to retain Elven counsel after all we will ensure that someone is assigned to assist you with the process."

"You seem to have very high expectations of the cooperativeness of arrested criminals," remarks the GCP representative.

"We are adjusting our procedures to account for species differences in cooperativeness. Everything went very smoothly with the last demon defendant."

"The one who holed a planet?"

"That guy holed a planet? He said he blew up a space station."

"The demon who holed a planet had a trial with Elven attorneys, was acquitted on some of the counts he faced and convicted on some others, and sentenced to four hundred years' probation on a long-term summons here. The demon who blew up a space station agreed to return to Hell under a binding to not take additional summonses rather than go to trial."

"I'd take that if I thought you had a clue what you were doing but I don't appreciate being a test subject," says Trelane.

"That is wholly your choice. We'll schedule a trial instead."

"Fuckhead," says Trelane and she flaps away.

"Was that everything you wanted to know?"

"If you try her and she cooperates with her lawyer at all and Elf law is anything like ours she'll have all kinds of procedural technicalities to demand mistrial over."

"We don't hold that irregularities in arrest procedures invalidate an arrest, just evidence derived from it."