"Oh, you're one of those, of course you are. I'll be sure to keep it in mind, but for now, Peter should really give you that tour, shouldn't he?" Tom tosses a bag down on his side of the room and begins extracting clothing from it.

"Yes, I should."

Peter doesn't push Pete out of the room, but he makes his body language very clear.

One of those? What, a hoe?

Yeah. Yeah he is.

"Lead the way," says Pete, stepping aside.

Peter leads the way, in silence. He leads the way, in fact, to the communal restroom, where he checks under stalls to ensure they're alone. This being established:

"Flirting with me is harmless," he says, quiet but intense. "It'll raise my blood pressure, but I'll live, and so will you. Flirting with Riddle is not a good idea."

"I don't know how to communicate this in a way you will believe, but... I have a better idea of how bad an idea it is to flirt with him than you do, I'm pretty sure. It is a horrible, terrible, absolutely awful idea that is going to cause me a ton of pain and suffering."

"I'm going to do it anyway for reasons."

"I can't stop you. Obviously. And. I can't really blame someone else for choosing to suffer. But... the best advice I can give you, if you really think you know what you're doing, is... no matter how far you've gone, you can stop. If you end up thinking I'll hate you for whatever you've done, whatever he's had you do, that's him talking, not me. I've seen it happen too many times already, I know what Tom looks like even when he's wearing someone else, and I don't hate anyone for being his costume. And I'll cut him out of you if you need me to."

Pete closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, looks within himself...

...then opens his eyes again and says, "I know you're not gonna date me until I've completed all of your loyalty sidequests and unlocked friendship level 4 but that might have been the bravest, kindest, coolest thing a boy has ever said to me and I am absolutely doing all of your sidequests."

Peter chokes a bit on a laugh, which softens into a smile.

"You really have a way of saying things. But I'm... glad what I said hit home, and if you want to be friends and do all my quests I'm happy to take you up on it."

He looks around. "Possibly we should leave the toilets for any further heartfelt friendship conversation, though. Bit of an odd vibe."

"And I really need to pull my mind off its current track because objectively speaking that was not a great sentence to use to once again veer in the direction of hitting on you and yet that's what my brain was doing. Let us, in fact, continue on our tour."

"Oh, come on, even if you do seduce me you're not going to be blowing me in the gents'. Have some romance in your heart."

With that he ushers Pete back out.

"No, no, I'm not into that either, the direction I was going in was something like, I don't know, 'you can always come back to my room if you want to have more intimate conversations with me', except my room is not a great place because of Hywel, is it, hmm, I guess that wouldn't really have worked."

"5 of 9. Needs work."

He knocks on a nearby door. "Ed! New student, make yourself presentable, get your trousers on, et cetera, ad nauseam, in -"

The door is yanked open. "Have you been possessed by some sort of -"

bfxwhuh???

"New student, you say."

"You know I really feel like we could've done without the putting trousers on part, here, given all of the givens. Hello! Edmund, Peter's brother? Your face just now was just as good as your brother's, must run in the family. Nice to meet you, I'm Peter Tarleton, going by Pete for obvious reasons."

He is absolutely in some kind of BL, right? Or something? It is not actually possible that so many attractive boys just randomly happened to be here together at the same time.

"Someone has to represent the last bastion of Trousers, here, with you flying in the wind and Peter to all appearences keeping his brain in his instead of wearing them properly -"

Flick to the forehead. Distinctly audible.

"Oi! That's authoritarian, is what that is. Just because he's in charge he thinks he can brutalize me."

"I do not think it can be blamed on authority," comments the roommate peering over his shoulder. "I would be lying to claim you have never inspired me to similar violence. - hello, Pete, I am Tintin. Also a relatively recent transfer."

(His accent is fine. Mostly.)