"Yeah…I don't think they'd want you to be nicer to them on the radio. But probably fewer strategy meetings with mentions of women covered in chocolate sauce. At least until after the war."

"I wasn't being deliberately - I was absolutely being deliberately provocative but only because it was essential to the point and I couldn't think of another way to make it. But - yeah."

"If you don't actually think they should reform their government right now - I don't - then the point can probably wait? It's not like our leverage is going to disappear when the war ends." squeeze. "Are you mad at yourself for thinking the risks were just to yourself or for not noticing how risky it was?"

"Both? And for not noticing it was an important question."

"Hmm. About that, I think - I have a sense of what an Abadaran priest might say, here. And I don't know that what they'd say is exactly right but - it's in the right direction, from where you are now. I think they'd say that Lastwall is paying us a lot for what we're teaching them, and part of that has been paying us in money, and part in…stock, except that I don't know that they have the concept, exactly - and part in security. And we should know how much they're paying us in security, because it matters how much they're paying us in total, but we shouldn't be reluctant to take risks just because Lastwall's protecting us, or - we should but - if we do they owe us more in not-security pay? Or something? I think I've lost track of exactly what the Abadaran in my head is thinking. And what I said there was probably wrong, but - the opposite mistake from the one you're maybe making already?"

"Hmmm," says Iomedae, and leans into Alfirin because Alfirin is very good and comforting and it's easier to think in her arms. "I think - Lastwall could be a place that was paying us partially in security and partially in money, and we could have a contract with them where they don't get to make demands about our making ourselves easier to secure except by changing how much they charge for it. If we were dealing with Abadar's church we'd do that. It's a fine way to treat people, if everyone's doing that. 

I guess I - I don't know. I could say something which isn't what you were saying which is also a reasonable and principled thing to say, which is that Lastwall has a whole lot more information than I do about the tradeoffs they're making and can just make the ones they want to make, and that it's a bit odd to try to analyze the situation in terms of my not taking enough ownership of their risk-related decisions which they presumably endorse. It's not like they didn't have plenty of opportunity to ask me to make different ones, even. If that was how someone felt about it I don't think I could argue with them. But I don't like it. And I especially don't like it if they're - trying to be trustworthy, trying to do right by me in a manner other than technically fulfilling the terms of our agreement - and I'm not doing that back. And I think the way I'd most want to relate to people is one where I check all the tradeoffs being made on my behalf that my decisions affect, instead of having all these consequences of my actions off in the background where I can't directly interact with them? Where I don't consider my duties done if no one's actually complained to my face."

"I mean - I think the Abadaran would say that Lastwall is paying us in security and money and - goodwill, maybe? And just… in denial about it? - I guess it's not important, exactly. I think… you should ask Cansellarion, maybe, whether Lastwall is trying to do right by you, or whether they're just trying to keep to the agreement we have, or whether they're - hm. Helping you out because they think that if you can do more things you'll do more things that they like, or - mmm - I don't know exactly how to say it - using you as a tool to do the things that you and they both want done - if it matters for how you're going to treat with them to be - fair. I'm sorry, those words don't feel quite right, does it make sense what I'm saying?"

"Yes, I think so. It feels a bit arrogant or something to realize I've been probably not treating Lastwall the way I'd like to and try to address this by making more awkward demands of them but I think you're still right."

"I don't think it's an awkward demand, asking them to explain how they see the relationship with you… also aren't you literally one of their soldiers now? Isn't that just - a whole different way of relating to them?"

"...yes in principle, but I don't …know what it means to them? I mean, I'm clear on my vows. I was annoyed with myself for not getting better orders from Cansellarion, once I realized I'd failed at not pausing about the Wish, but I wasn't going to disobey them, and I think he knew that, and that's - important - I am very glad of the vows, actually, I think I'd feel much worse about today if not for that - but I don't know if, say, they as a principled matter try to treat with their soldiers less adversarially because of having more duties to them, or more adversarially because they - signed up for it -

Also my father said that if the army would take me at all they'd beat the being stubborn and rebellious out of me and they have not done that and I'm not sure if it's because they're not really counting me as theirs or what."

"Have you been stubborn and rebellious…OK yes, you've been stubborn and rebellious. Maybe they don't do beatings, or maybe they don't beat paladins, or maybe they just don't do beatings in the war room. Do you want me to try to find out some of the answers, I can't imagine you're looking forward to asking Cansellarion 'sir, why haven't you beaten me senseless for insubordination?'"

"It does seem like an awkward question to pose someone."

"Okay. I'll ask some of the people on the work crews. You're still going to have to ask Jan about - what sort of good faith he's treating you with and expects back - I don't think the enlisteds will know anything about that."

"Mmm. Tomorrow."

Tomorrow the latest episode of Freedom Radio is somewhat the talk of the secret project. Some people have made the obvious guess that the radios are another division of this secret project, but Iomedae doesn't know if any of them have made the connection between their supervisor and the radio host (she tries to use a different voice for radio). This means she gets all their opinions about her, said in front of her, which is a lot of fun. 

They only know about this at all because she screwed up but it's still very satisfying. 

In the afternoon there's a strategy meeting. Iomedae enters quietly and goes to her seat and is not particularly stubborn or rebellious.

"Alright Alex," opens Jan, "Was yesterday a costly victory or an outstanding one?"

"I don't know yet."

"When do you expect to know?"

"I don't know that either."

"...Okay. Let's all put it down in our hearts as a moderately costly victory until we know more. There won't be an incident report until we know what, if anything, it cost us or could have cost us - Iomedae, how many guns of each kind can you have ready by the end of Calistril? And how much ammunition?"

Is that going to be all of the discussion. Well, it makes sense that the most important question is whether their spies in Cheliax got caught for this and they don't know yet. Iomedae has current estimates on guns and ammunition by type, as of this morning. She'll read them off. "- and eight thousand of the centerfire bolt-action rifles. We could do more but can't scale the ammunition as easily. Same deal with the crank guns. I could make you a hundred of them but only about four thousand shells, and they go through two hundred a minute, that's the whole point of them."

"How much would it cut into regular ammunition stockpiling if Cansellarion starts soldiers drilling with the new weapons over the winter? We have twelve months in which Cheliax is without their usual reserve wish, and with that I'm inclined to - advise - that it's not worth another year to stockpile and train more."

"- for that we wouldn't need the batch 3 ammunition, which is designed for the Worldwound. Batch 2 we can produce a thousand a day. You could …probably design a halfway adequate training regime where every soldier learning the weapon fired forty shots? Less than that I’d worry they wouldn’t have experienced any problems while reloading and wouldn’t know what to do with it, or that under pressure they'll just forget how to do it at all.” She is suddenly aware of how she really doesn’t treat the President as a President at all, and generally does not behave at all like she acknowledges any authority whatsoever, and how possibly this is part of the error she identified yesterday. “Sir."

"I'm not actually in your chain of command."

"- understood." She's not sure if that resolves any of her confusions about how Lastwall's treating her but it sure does introduce another potential angle by which it'll predictably be complicated.