Veron in Arda
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"So weird!" he agrees. "Why would anyone do that to someone that was helping them! Are there like, evil quotas, you're not a real big bad evil guy unless you hurt this many people, and then the minions are conveniently present? Is it just badly handled anger issues? It's so weird and makes no sense!"

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"It's the main reason my parents don't trust the Noldor - having an overly expansive definition of enemies is one thing but arranging for your allies and followers to suffer -"

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Nod. "I haven't heard the whole story, I think, just a bit of the thing with the boats? It sounded like a mess all around. Is there other stuff there that they do?"

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"All kinds but I hear it mostly secondhand, you should ask the humans really."

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"Fair enough. Thanks anyway. I'll ask about it when I get the chance. Uh - continued story time, or?"

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"Yeah go for it."

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"Okay. So I stumble away from my first encounter with a dragon, with only a vague direction to the person I'm supposed to go kill so the dragon doesn't eat me. Tymofarrar didn't know precisely where she was, see, so I had to go find her. Which turned out to be for the best, really. While I was looking for J'Nah I stumbled upon Deekin, the kobold bard." He sends a visual of a small, scaly creature, humming an incessant and catchy tune and scribbling incessantly in a small book, occasionally muttering to himself about narrative structure. "Who's, uh. Frankly, my best friend."

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"- huh. ...he's sort of cute. The mannerisms."

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"He grows on you. Like a fungus. A singing fungus. Big heart, endearing sense of humor - anyway. When I met him he was less like that and more like..." This visual is of a terrified kobold, hiding behind a table, shivering and shrill and deeply hurting and desperately bartering to stay alive. Terrified to his soul of an abusive dragon master that had a track record of rewarding failure in a decidedly painful fashion, and yet desperately vying for his attention and affection, anyway. He had no one else.

"And he was holed up in a building, despairing over having broken one of the stolen trinkets. He - Tymofarrar didn't look well on failure? And Deekin didn't have a way out. He knew I wanted the trinket, so he offered to hand it over if I got Tymofarrar to let him go. I - said I'd see what I could do."

He's unable to really put to words his exact cocktail of emotions at the time, but he can remember them clearly enough, and sends the impression to Lúthien. Worried, concerned, aching to help the frightened creature but not having a way, powerless to do anything or change anything at all. Fearful for his own life above all else, so worried for himself that it made it damn hard to go out of his way to help others. He felt caught in a storm far, far too large for him, unable to do anything about it except despair. But he wanted to help anyway.

(And in the background, there is the impression that he did.)

"But at the time there wasn't much I could promise."

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Nod.

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"I left him alone, anyway. Even if I couldn't help him, I didn't want to hurt him. So I went back to looking for this J'Nah person, and after long enough, I found her. That - that was memorable."

The fight was close. He'd been doing what he'd thought at the time was painfully over-preparing; he had dust that was supposed to interfere with her spellcasting from Tymofarrar, he'd talked her gnoll minions into helping him kill her, he'd had potions and armor and scrolls and minor explosives and the element of surprise, and thought that he had the entire fight in the bag. He did not. Veron won, but only just barely. All members of the gnoll tribe that fought died in the chaos, Veron drank so many healing potions he later threw up, he used every scroll and explosive he had, he caught her off guard and shut her magic down with the powder and it almost wasn't enough. If he'd been a second slower with his knife, if she hadn't lost concentration on one of her spells, if less gnolls had come to help kill her - that'd be it. He would have died.

"But I won. I got very lucky."

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Shiver. "When people die in your world what happens to them -"

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"Varies, depending on which god they worship and what they did in life. Me, I'd probably go to Tymora's afterlife. I don't know what that's like, I've never been, but I don't think it'd be bad."

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"That's an interesting way to do it."

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"Yeah. If you do, uh. Sufficiently terrible things you go to less pleasant places," he thinks of Cania, and then tries to stop thinking of Cania, "but I don't think I've ever qualified. To be honest, I'm not sure anyone should."

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"Morgoth and Gorthaur are pretty awful."

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"They are, yeah. I can see how tossing people like them into an endless hellscape to suffer for all eternity might be cathartic, but, hm. What does it help, to hurt the monsters of the world?"

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" - they mightn't be monsters if they thought it would work out badly for them?"

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He shakes his head. "I don't claim to know everything, I haven't been everywhere, but a lot of the people that do monstrous things don't do it while thinking about the consequences. Sometimes they're in a bad position, out of options that are any good, so they pick the one that's the least bad for them, and that involves hurting a lot of other people. Sometimes they don't think about other people at all, they're trapped in their own heads and their thoughts are the only ones that matter because no one stopped to reach out to them. Some are forced to by masters they're terrified of, either trying to escape from their control or trying to escape from their wrath, doing the only thing they can think of because they never knew anything better. Sometimes they don't care about the consequences, they think that what they're doing will help them escape from them, if they cut moral corners or just sacrifice a load of children for the power, all of the horrible things that happened before don't apply to them, they'll be different.

"And where does it stop? Where do you draw the line between monster and man? At what point do you stand before someone you can save, and look them in the eye and say no? Trade away compassion and redemption for vengeance? For what? I was in Hell for a while, filled to the brim with the heinous and the damned, all of the worst monsters in the planes that no one could be bothered to save, and do you know what I saw? People. Hurting, alone, despairing, misunderstood, scared past death of all of the things that could hurt them. Lashing out at everyone around them, because it was all that they knew how to do. All they could do. Until someone started giving them chances to do something else.

"I'm not going to claim everyone can be saved, but I don't think that's an excuse to condemn them because it's vindicating and easy. There are people I've helped and befriended because I looked past old injuries. I could have killed the entire kobold clan for attacking my home and nearly killing my teacher, but I didn't, because it wouldn't have helped anything. I killed a dragon to free them because it was the right thing to do, and now? They're happy, they convince other kobolds that there are other options besides raiding nearby towns, they make music and write stories and brighten the world because I didn't write them off. I'm better because I'm not like Morgoth or Gorthaur, because I don't hurt people more than I absolutely have to. Elysium's for everyone. If everyone can't get it, because they can't be kept alive without hurting everyone around them, because there's no way to get it for them, it's a tragedy, not a justice."

... He sighs, and rubs the bridge of his nose. "Sorry, that's. I got a little bit rambly there. That wasn't even at you, it's just a sticking point with me. Call it a leftover scar from Cania, I guess."

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"I mean, killing the kobolds for stealing would be an overreaction. But, like, orcs, they're all stuck, they have to hate us forever -"

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"Well, yes, but then I want to get them un-stuck somehow, or get them somewhere where they can't interact with Elves and can't hurt anyone. I'll kill them if I have to in order to stop Morgoth and Gorthaur and spare the world from their evil, but I want happiness and peace for them, too. What's been done to them is monstrous, but it's not their fault they're stuck."

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...nod.

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He smiles, a little ruefully.

"Granted, I actually apologized to Gorthaur. As I was challenging him to a fight. So, uh. Make of that what you will, I guess."

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"He probably thinks you are a little strange."

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"I'm okay with that."

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