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Azem is a vampire and he is having a very terrible time of it
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Astarion does not have permission to take baths. He is punished if he does. However, not taking baths means he gets grimier and grimier, and he gets punished if he's too grimy. Furthermore, being too grimy means that he is much worse at attracting victims for Cazador, which also earns him punishment. Pointing out the inherent injustice of this system also gets him punished.

Sometimes Cazador punishes him just because he feels like it. Astarion is of the opinion that this isn't really "being punished" so much as Cazador just being a sadistic motherfucker who likes to see people under his power suffer. Astarion has not voiced this opinion because he has more than two brain cells.

So he's taking a bath while Cazador is away somewhere, because even though he is going to be punished for that he has reached the point where going any longer without would incur more punishment. And it's while he's luxuriating in Cazador's fourth guest bath (the one reserved for guests he does not want to host at all), perfuming himself and just relaxing in the water, that the nautiloid shows up in the skies of Baldur's Gate. And because Astarion is having such a grand time in the bath he entirely fails to notice the Nautiloid until it's ripped the ceiling off Cazador's manor. He barely has the time to ponder life's injustices before one of its many tentacles brushes against his skin, causing him to be instantly teleported into a disgusting fleshy pod inside the illithid ship.

He supposes he will ponder life's injustices from within his pod.

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"Illiwhotsits?"

    "Mind flayers," says the elf.

"...you're pulling my leg?"

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"I mean, you're free to go see the place yourselves, of course, but we barely escaped with our lives—"

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"No ghaik threatened me."

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"—despite my friend's bravado. It is a nautiloid, after all, and we all know mind flayers are telekinetic so I figure that's how they survived. I wouldn't want to go back there myself. I'd probably leave this area too if I were you, I can't imagine they'll be limiting themselves to the ship."

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"...a very convenient thing for you to say." But Astarion will be able to tell that his words are having an effect: both halflings have lowered their weapons and the elf and half-elf have been trading worried looks. They have noticed that Astarion, Lae'zel, and Shadowheart do look kind of beat up and have more than a little mindflayer bodily fluid covering their skin.

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"We just came here to warn you. ...well, I did, my friend here as stated is not the greatest at not attacking people on sight. I suppose she really wants to flex that sword arm."

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"...yeah, uh, that, ah, won't be necessary, I feel," says the halfling, probably their leader given how the others seem to look to him for reactions. "We can come back sometime later, once these il- illi- mind flayers are well and truly gone."

    "I told you it was a bad idea to stay around..." says the half-elf.

"Alright, shut your trap. Let's go. And, ah, thank you for the warning, lad."

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"Of course, of course."

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"It would have been faster to kill them," says Lae'zel, once they're gone.

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"They probably have friends inside the temple that would've come to their aid, and I did not want to deal with that. Now we only have to deal with the friends."

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"...they would abandon their allies? Disloyal cravens."

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"Opportunistic bandits are not known for being particularly faithful to each other, no. Let's scope this place out."

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The temple overlooks the rivershore they crashed onto, giving them a view of the river in the distance and the smoking remains of the nautiloid. The structure seems to have been dug into the rock, with stairs leading down to a door that probably used to be more underground before the temple lost its ceiling and most of its walls; as it is, it's just stone ruins and a stone floor and the stairs, exposed to the elements. Whichever god this temple was dedicated to, it was abandoned by their followers long before the nautiloid's arrival.

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Ah, a door. Now, do they try to fib their way in or get inside otherwise undetected...?

"Lae'zel, I promise you will have much opportunity to kill and maim but for the moment please follow my lead."

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"...very well."

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So he goes to the door and knocks.

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"That you, Gimblebock?" comes a muffled voice after a few seconds. "Everything alright out there?"

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These people do not share a single brain cell between them. "Gimblebock triggered some trap! He needs help, now!"

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"I told him it wasn't safe out there. Get inside, I'll rustle up some bandages..." The man unlocks and opens the door to let them in—

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—and Astarion pulls him out by his shirt, one foot stretched out to push the human out of balance, and a hit to the back of the man's head with the butt of his dagger is enough to knock him clean out.

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"...and I suppose you will ask me not to kill him?"

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"For the moment, yes. He may prove useful."

Or... he may prove food. Astarion has never tasted a person's blood...

He should not get distracted by the thought. Into the ruins they go, dragging the unconscious man with them.

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The room they walk into has a hearth and a table covered with various types of long-shelf life food as well as a nook with some books that even from a distance look dusty enough that it's clear the place's current denizens have not, themselves, touched the place.

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Shadowheart looks around with somewhat more interest than she's been showing... most things, really. "Strange," she whispers. "It tends to be more obvious, who exactly is worshipped in a temple."

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"No one else here," he whispers back, looking at the other door leading deeper into the crypt. "These people really do not know what they're doing."

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