"Then fucking fix it, you're made of bullshit."

"I'm made of Nai." But he can, in fact, make the water quickly evaporate off Zash's clothes.

He's kinda still crying. And very confused. And confused about his confusion.

He doesn't even know what to ask!!!!! Why is he being hugged? He thought they hated him? Or, at least, were very very mad at him? Not "get better overnight" mad, "actually really for real very mad" mad!!!!!

"Yes you are," agrees Yvette, amused.

So... they kind of are really mad at him? But there is a time for the sharp scalpel of judgement, and there is a time for gentle hugs of healing to help steer him towards being comfy/happy/correct-to-himself. They have had enough of the former, it is clearly time for the latter. So he's getting hugged because they care about the [Nai-template-source] over being mad at [Knives-he-made-himself]. This was a bad path that they want to steer him away from, but they do in fact still love him and want him to be okay.

...

He hates Knives but he still needs to be Knives—

No! He! Doesn't! For god's sake, Nai, get out of your own head for ten fucking minutes and listen to the people who love you and let them help you figure this out.

...but the plants—

He thinks Nai has ample evidence that both Zash and Yvette are going to be able to figure out how to make the plants not hurt. Forever. They can do this, and will Nai listen to them and stop listening to Knives and understand that Knives is unnecessary. Knives has always been unnecessary, Zash has been trying to tell him this for a century and a half and he just won't listen—

But—

No buts! Shut up and be hugged!

okay

Huuuuuug.

Nai seems to be doing something called the sunk cost fallacy! It is where people, who have previously invested time/energy/effort/sacrifice to accomplish something, stop questioning if continuing on that particular course of action is still the best idea or not. Because if they stop, all of their previous investment is wasted. Except this is not how things work; circumstances change, investments don't justify returns just because they seem like they should, and thinking like this can lock someone on a path that is not the most optimal.

Does he sincerely think that being Knives is actually necessary, with all of the evidence in front of him, if he re-evaluates right now, as if he is starting here and had no previous history with the subject?

He doesn't know!!!! Yes? No??? Maybe????? He hasn't done the maths and he can't, he can't just do what feels nice because what feels nice is just believing them and being sorry and apologising and having to, to, to face, to

to face everything he's done

and if everything he's done was wrong, then what does that make him, how will he be able to live with himself if he was wrong, he can't have been wrong—

Yep. Sunk cost fallacy, right there. See the pattern of thought? [=]

And... she's not entirely sure, it's his own path to walk and it is indeed scary and daunting and seems impossible. It's the kind of thing that begins one step at a time, taking each day as it comes. He can climb a mountain, if he just starts walking in the right direction. And humans really have messed up, too, and Nai really has saved many plants from their stupidity. It is and was grey and messy and awful. She thinks that instead of beating himself up over being wrong, or trying to pretend that he was never wrong, he should re-evaluate everything as if he is starting from scratch. Who is he now, and how does he want to conduct himself in these circumstances?

She is absolutely certain that he's strong enough to admit when he makes a mistake (because everyone makes mistakes) and grow.

He much preferred his hugging sessions when they didn't involve reevaluating his whole life.

[Nai. Stop. Breathe. We're here for you. You don't need to figure everything out right now. You don't need to figure anything out right now. You can just... exist here. With us. Think about something else. Talk about something else. Not everything has to be about this.]

But it has been about this, everything has been about this, that's who Knives is, and if he isn't Knives then he doesn't have... anyone else to be. What does he even talk about, what does he even think about, if not this?

Zash has a sug—

—heeeeey it turns out when his sexuality is online he suddenly starts coming up with all sorts of innuendos and sexually charged suggestions without having to even think about it hahahahaha who'da thunk.

...why is human reproduction related to anything here.

He guesses that's a different topic but ??????

… yeah, sorry, this is her fault. She brought human sexuality into this equation. With her existence and presence and libido. She owns up to it. She’s the corrupting influence here. Look it’s, it’s nice and pleasant and biologically beneficial. Also, it’s kind of one of the closest things humans have to the sort of mental intimacy plants have. Not exactly the same, but [~]

Basically, he’s offering it as a pleasant alternative to this complicated and thought driven [conversation], that also displays care and intimacy. Without dumb complicated thoughts getting in the way.

By... breeding?

Zash sporfles. [that sure is a way to put it.]

[I kind of want to share memories of what it was like but the freshest ones are with Yvette and she probably feels private about it, I can try to dig up some old ones?]

She feels... private... about breeding.

????????????????????????????