Her head rests in her hands and grips her hair. She wants to tear it out. She wants to rage and scream and cry for everyone.
Stop feeling. Think.
The enormity of this place. They're practically tribal savages, in some ways, the Zulu waving sticks at each other. Not only is that deeply uncharitable, it's wrong. This is an empire. They have advanced, unknown technology. They have armies, and laws that are actually enforced. There is order. There is, apparently, peace- At least where the boot has stomped down enough.
...God, if you exist? FUCK YOU! DIE IN THE SUN, you murderer! Sadist! If paradise is not a lie, send the message more clearly! She's had it out for Yahweh, who doesn't exist, for years and years- And when she's really troubled, it always comes back up. God doesn't exist. At best, his churches are clinging to something that tries to make people work together, and often fails.
Stop- No, don't stop feeling. Acknowledge the feelings. Pick them apart. Yes, she is extremely angry. And sad. And anxious. Almost everyone she ever knew is dead and she's in a realm where she has no stability or power - yet, perhaps - so that's pretty understandable. She may as well be dead, too, as far as the evacuation's remnants are concerned.
Now, that's interesting. Is she dead? Sent to the Tiers as some sort of purgatory?
She's angry. She's sad. She's furious at the Church and their blind devotion, for all that they were trying their best. She's furious at corrupt nobles and ineffective Parliament, for all that having law and order is better than roving bandit hordes. Because that is what it feels like she's fallen into, here, a bunch of tribal warlords who are all going to murder each other inside of five years. She should have nothing to do with it. The first thing Kohl would have her build is weapons.
Is that what Kyros is doing? Imposing some sort of order through force of arms, for the benefit of all? Doubtful, not impossible. It's probably a dozen commingled things, plus the odd thing where your reputation changes you - not just because of what people expect affecting your thoughts and actions, but magically so, it seems? Thinking the best of everyone would be wishful thinking and moral platitude, lying to herself to feel better.
"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."
Who said that? She doesn't remember exactly, just those words and the ring of truth to them. Cynical, but inescapable. Yes. Exactly. She doesn't want to be corrupted. She doesn't want to become the monster she sees in the clergy, in Kyros, in the East India Company. She- Can obviate power, and thus avoid becoming someone who has to do bad things.
Didn't she chafe so, in the orphanage? Just another young brat, another washer-woman fit to be married off on some farm somewhere or work grey dreary days in a factory? Didn't she escape that, in those heady days of the evacuation?
If everyone was kind and cooperative, the world would be a fine place indeed. But they're not. They're never going to be. It's not a good strategy to be selfless, to be harmless. Someone who isn't will step on you. So don't be harmless, don't be selfless. Take power, and be, what, better than the other option? Kill only murderers and rebels, to deter further murder and rebellion? There's a yawning pit of terror at that. She's screwed up before- Hurt people by mistake, or deliberately, and regretted it. Petty, stupid, childish things.
It's not, actually, different, to 'accidentally' burn her annoying bunkmate Jessie's sausage, than to happen to cause someone she's never heard of and will never meet to miss a meal. It feels different, but it shouldn't. Why should her own squeamishness stop her? It doesn't matter, not at the scales that are at play here. One person for a dozen would be worth it already, if it were just that, a sure trade. She... Has no idea how things will end up, but she can probably save a life or give some thousands one cumulative life's worth of ease and joy and peace, if she tries.
Not choosing is also a choice.
Put it like that, the answer is obvious.