It gets worse
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She no longer experiences dysphoria.

It's not like she doesn't have a body map in her head that sometimes does not fit her body. That happens. It just doesn't feel like anything. It doesn't draw any attention to itself, it doesn't cause emotions. Nothing does.

Nothing but her mates.

She loses track of time. She's sure she could count the seconds with her perfect memory and figure it out, but it's pointless, and mostly meaningless anyway—who knows how much time will have passed for them? Days aren't consistent between universes anyway.

She collects large amounts of statistical data, which she's sure Kaede would be absolutely delighted to hear about. It no longer occurs to her that this implies she would also have enjoyed it, once upon a time.

But the vast, vast majority of worlds are lifeless. She has fallen into the void of space more times than she can count (that's just an expression), although she has scrupulously avoided stars. Worlds also share a measure of similarity which, after her thousandth rocky planet, she learns to identify via the weird sensations provided by her key. With that, she starts only going to inhabitable worlds, which in turn are more likely to be inhabited.

The vast, vast majority of worlds with life have no sapients.

The vast, vast majority of worlds with sapients has no magic. Eventually she learns to identify worlds with magic with her key.

The vast, vast majority of worlds with magic have ridiculously useless or barely detectable magic—a couple of laws of physics that can be broken when no one's looking.

Worlds cluster together. It was no coincidence that she found so much useful stuff in her first visits—worlds with noticeable, interesting magic are closer to each other. But she noticed that too late, and she hasn't found much useful magic again.

She would feel hopeless if she could feel things.

She passes by a million civilisations, a million peoples, a million million sufferings. She visits war sites, horrible scenes, a world containing a nigh omnipotent hedonist who literally called it the local equivalent of "Torturotopia." She witnesses horrors that would destroy a human being and she doesn't blink.

She sees beauty, too, but it passes by unnoticed. Nothing is beautiful anymore.

She opens doors.

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This world has "life", "sapients" and "magic". This world is better than the average, but the locals have failed to produce anything worth of Sadde's interest.

At least until that woman falls from the sky and crash lands half a mile away from Sadde

"I CAN HELP!" She shouts.

The truly impressive thing is that that reaches Sadde, stirring things inside her that the vampire recognizes as emotion.

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...she turned them off for a reason. She dislikes this.

Still, she'll go explore. She's there in a second.

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The woman is a blue humanoid with white hair. She glows with an aura that is mostly green, but flashes with everything else in the rainbow.

"Wow," she says when Sadde arrives so fast, "hi, I'm Killala of the glow. I had visions of... you and your journey and possibly of a solution."

She looks at Sadde with a pained expression and her aura flashes indigo.

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She dares not feel hope. "Is that so."

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The glowing aura flashes bright blue when Sadde dares not feel hope, almost in defiance.

Killala stands up and dusts herself. "Uh, yes. My people learned to harness the power of the emotional spectrum - I call it the Glow - and you are an emotional singularity. Your presence in the universe overwhelmed other Glow users and I started seeing visions of you. I think we can harness your vast love to make your trip faster."

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"...how."

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"I have researched interactions between the Glow and magic - the Glow is not magic - and at one end of the spectrum the Glow has an affinity for love and the power to find loved ones. I think we can wake that power in you and let it guide you."

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"It's magic. It breaks the laws of physics and is magic. How does it work?"

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"Magic is a separate thing in this uni- not important. The easiest way is for me to spark the Glow inside you and guide you on how to manipulate it the right way."

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"And what will I actually get?"

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"If my guess is right the Glow will work like a guided teleport to you. Instead of searching for a door that is good enough it will take you to the best door it can find in that universe. Or to your loved ones if they are in the same universe."

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"I'll take it," she says immediately. "I'll do anythingplease—"

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Killala flares indigo.

"Alright," she answers, "I am going to try to kindle the Glow inside you."

And presuming that Sadde is agreable, Killala reaches and touches the vampire on the chest, right above the heart and her aura glows brighter, and brighter. It loses the green and becomes pure white.

And Sadde feels, the light permeates her entire being and reaches into her soul. The emotions were never absent, but all but the core of them is paralyzed and the Glow makes Sadde suddenly aware. It would be suffocating if Sadde still needed to breathe.

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She doesn't need to breathe, though.

And she doesn't move. She stops, still as a statue, and doesn't say anything.

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Killala tries harder, she glows so bright that Sadde's vision is nothing but white.

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Then she is interrupted.

"It's not going to be that easy, dearies."

The light dies down and Sadde notices a stranger. They are paler than a vampire and just as pretty. Their eyes are golden as those of a vampire who has just drunk animal blood, yet possessed of a predatory edge greater than that of a typical people-drinker. Not the same kind of predation, but definitely something in that vein. They cast two shadows, one very dark and sharp and the other translucent and wavering, which Sadde finds very noticeable because Killala is still glowing quite brightly and both shadows look right despite being incompatible with everything the true vampire knows about optics.

Their prettiness is somehow unsettling. Part of Sadde's mind knows she is better looking than her mates combined, but other parts are very skeptical of this assertion.

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She ignores the lying part and merely looks at the new arrival.

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"De-Desire?"

Killala asks this like she is expecting that the answer "no? Desire is not even real."

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"Killala! My dear how is Sto-Oa? Still a bright fellow?"

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"Yes? Why are you even here?"

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"What? You really think that I wouldn't notice her here? Please, if your group of friends noticed, of course I would."

 

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"That really only answers half of the question."

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"I supposed that is fair my dearies. Well, you are here because her pain is like a tsunami in the emotional spectrum. She is here because she desperately wants something. And wants are my domain. But the despair inside her is my twin sister. And I just got a new twin sister and it's appropriate to give people birthday gifts. Nothing to worry, I believe we have a great opportunity for a transaction that is very agreeable."

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"How is your twin sister new. And it does not sound like I want to give someone called 'Despair' a gift."

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"She is reborn," Desire says like there is nothing else to add to that, "and I can guarantee no extra harm will come from this bargain. If anything, quite the opposite. And at least this way something constructive can be made of the despair."

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