Nothing interesting in the manual!

But at least it's still there! It would be bad if he had lost it... somehow...

"H-hello?"

A woman's voice says, "Cosmo magazine? Really? The planet's primary agent of the fundamental forces of joy in the universe reads Cosmo?"

"The planet's primary agent for the forces of joy--" feels weird about "--doesn't like going into bookstores without buying anything." ... that's much weirder than just straightforwardly reading the thing,  isn't it?

"How supportive of small businesses."

The woman enters the room. She is tiny, delicate, fragile. She looks like you could snap her in half with your hand. She looks very innocent, except for her smile, which is not innocent at all.

No one ever told him the social script for being kidnapped! "Nice to meet you?"

She is... very pretty. And he would probably think that even if he didn't think all adult humans were pretty.

"The proper thing for a wizard to say is 'I am on errantry and I greet you.' Or did your manual not teach you that?"

Right. Yes. That is what he would have said, if he wasn't flustered by people who could step on him taking him to places against his will.

He should not reveal his hand too much. That seems like it's probably 'Surviving Being Kidnapped 101.' "Maybe I feel like being polite in a normal way."

"Interesting. What have you guessed about why you're here?"

"--Either this is the Ordeal... or you're weirdly informed about wizards but not that informed and I'm just saying words that don't mean anything to you."

"Well, it's the Ordeal for the One. For me, it's my best chance to convince you that wizardry is, mm, not the best life choice for you. Have you heard the phrase 'magic does not live in the unwilling heart'?"

Something else he can guess: she really doesn't know about his life before if she thinks that wizardry isn't his best life choice. ...Not that he's going to say that. He's going to show it, and then sweep her off her feet.

"Not in particular, but it's not a surprising phrase."

"The One cares about consent, and freedom, and all of that. So if you don't want to be a wizard, you won't be one anymore. My job is to convince you that you don't want to be a wizard."

On the one hand: good luck with that. He has seen the world improve because he is a wizard. In small ways, yes, but real ones. And if he's allowed to be selfish, his life has improved too.

On the other: his spine has improved, but it's gone from 'wet tissue paper' to 'soggy pizza box.' He is realistic about her ability to convince him.

"...o-okay?"

"Honestly, I'm not impressed by the One's decisions here. Of all the people in all the world, the single one who's best suited to be her Champion is... you?"

"The One works in mysterious ways?"

"Have you actually accomplished anything in your entire life before becoming a wizard?"

"--I got a good grade in speech therapy?" A thing that is normal to want, possible to achieve, and definitely true, don'tlookatdoctorWang'snotes. But it's either that or 'graduated high school, ' so. "And I have achieved things afterwards?"

"So you have. You know that you caused Cosmo to run that article?"

"I'd guessed as much." Nice to have the confirmation?

"We used our magic to backtrace it. The editor commissioned the article because she saw the nude you took where you fucked yourself with a Bad Dragon dildo, and it made her realize that she liked fantasy dicks, and that made her want to run an article about how everyone should find what they individually like."

...wHAT. "That's... not the reason I expected?" he squeaked.

...oh no. If they traced how it happened, there is a good chance that she, uh, has personally seen it. Oh no.

"The only reason I can think of for choosing you is your abs but the One can already make people have abs as defined as she chooses."

YEP, SHE'S SEEN IT.

IF A HOLE COULD OPEN UP IN THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW,  THAT WOULD BE CONVENIENT.

"I mean, she gave me better abs anyway, so I'm assuming she chose me for my...sparkling... personality?"

"What sparkling personality?"