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Feb 03, 2023 8:42 AM
greenverse quackity on the dream smp
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Wilbur is just going to scowl at the ground some more. He wants to ask “do you forgive me?” but he’s sat through too many lectures from Phil for that so instead he kicks at the dirt. “I’ll be better. I promise. I can change.” It’s a lie, but it’s a nice one. 

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Q isn't totally sure he believes that. But... well. He's put up with worse, from people who didn't apologize and certainly didn't promise to change.

He shrugs. "It's fine, man." 

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“And I’m sorry about—your sister, and, and Tubbo, and everyone else. If there’s anything I can do—” It’s a safe offer, because there isn’t. (He hates himself, for that.)

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All of the things that could be done— well, they can't be, so the point is moot. But even if they could, they aren't something you can just ask someone to do. If Quackity knew how to go back, he's not sure he could make himself. 

Not that Wilbur knows that's what he offered. But still. 

"There isn't, unless you think you know how to go back in time to a different universe and make Sapnap memorize drug interactions," he says, this being the least incredibly landmine-filled of the things he said. "But—" and here he stops being able to sound like he's joking— "thank you. I— yeah. Thank you." 

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Hooray! He has hopefully made up for the rest of this interaction! He is winning at not being the sort of person everyone decides is better dead!

"It's no problem, man."

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Well, if Quackity’s still mad about either of the earlier parts of this interaction, it's not obvious to Wilbur. Or, for that matter, to Quackity. 

"Still. It—" wow how about instead of getting into that he does not "—matters to offer, you know?" 

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I only offered because I knew I wouldn’t have to do anything, he thinks and does not say, because it would be self-defeating. He shrugs and looks at the ground. Quick, what’s a change of subject. 

“Uh, I’ve been thinking of starting a new project soon, in Paradise. If you wanted to work for me…”

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Thank you for the subject change.

"I dunno. What would working for you mean, like-- are you thinking you'd be my boss, my handler, my client..." 

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"Boss, probably. You're not a dog--I guess when I say it like that maybe I could be your handler. Not at work." Wink. "And as far as I know you're not selling anything so I don't know how I'd be your client."

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Blinkblink.

Stop it. Be normal. Be normal, about Wilbur saying having a handler is for dogs in that tone of voice. Be normal. 

"Aha. Yeah, fair enough. --sure, I'm in." 

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Wilbur grins and pumps the air. "My man! Want to go bother the other Quackity? I bet he'll hate this."

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"...sure, why not." 

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Then Wilbur is grinning and skipping towards Las Nevadas.

"Quackity, Quackity, Quackityyyyy," he sing-songs out loud once they reach the empty toll booth. He puts his hands out and spins, just for the sake of it, and then continues on into Las Nevadas.

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...Where he doesn't get too far before the man in question appears. "What are you doing in my country, Wilbur?" And then he sees the other Quackity, and his face hardens. "So that was you? You're not as funny as you think you are, you know."

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"What? I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about. I just came here to announce that the Quackity from another universe officially works for Paradise, now. Competition's good for capitalism, you know."

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"The Quackity from another universe."

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"That's the one! Working under the one and only Wilbur Soot, newly resurrected ex-president of L'Manberg."

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...Eyeroll.

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...sure, okay.

"I don't know that I'd say officially, there weren't really any offices involved, but sure. Hi, nice to meet you, I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot a few days ago." 

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“…You know what? Yeah. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Welcome to Las Nevadas.” He isn’t being openly sarcastic. 

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Yeah, he can still fucking tell. Still, he isn't going to say shit about it, he's a professional. Even if his hands are firmly in his jacket pockets, holding onto a pair of earbuds like he's expecting them to somehow become a lifeline.

"Place is gorgeous," he says, with perfect sincerity. "—The alternate universe thing sounds stupid I know, but it is also the only explanation I've got that isn't a whole lot more stupid." Should he apologize again for the thing in Kinoko? Probably not with Wilbur right there. Ah well. 

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That's probably for the best.

"Want a tour? I can do a tour. Wilbur's already seen everything, but I'm sure he won't mind."

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Well, that's about as good as he could have expected, given everything else he and other-Quackity have said to each other. "Yes, thank you!" 

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"You've already seen the sign," gestures, "but we've also got a wedding venue, a restaurant, a strip club--the casino's in progress but I can show you a sample, just follow me--"

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He follows Quackity, expression all wide-eyed wonder, which is not insincere exactly— he meant it, Las Nevadas is gorgeous— but it's something he could be hiding and isn't.

(How the hell does a restaurant or a wedding venue turn a profit with this few people? ...Does it turn a profit?) 

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