"...That sounds like it means Jedi are supposed to not care about anything, Master Yoda."

"Attachment can lead to corruption," says Yoda, looking somewhat concerned. "Care too strongly, and at risk of blindness to your duty, you are."

"Corruption in what sense, Master Yoda?  And service to - the flourishing of life - above all is certainly something I aspire to...but we are yet fallible minds cloaked in flesh and sometimes steel; I am not an inert, unthinking device, and even those tools fail, Master Yoda; what happens when you reach the breaking strain?  How does a Jedi recover, when they slip, when they fall, as we all will when we are sufficiently challenged?"

Kina looks Yoda in the eye, and demands an answer, any answer, that acknowledges the simplest lessons she learned at her mother's knee.

She doesn't want to find him wanting.  That would be - sad.

She might have to leave, if the Order was carved from the same eroding stone as the Temple.  That would...suck.

Maybe she could help Padmé, but that it was maybe...

Kina has never liked chance.

The rest of the students are beginning to whisper to themselves.

"Perhaps outside, we should continue this," Yoda says, and beckons her over to the hall. "A part of the training of a Jedi, controlling your emotions must be. Understand, I do, that difficult it can be, especially as you are new to this. A trained Jedi can ignore the excuses of emotion; on only helping others they focus. When challenged to the point of anger you are, help you, the Force will."

She stands in the doorway.  "That, Master Yoda, was not an answer to my question."

And Kina's footsteps echo in the halls, because this lesson will clearly teach her nothing more that she hasn't learned from podracing.

She's not even angry.  She's just - disappointed.  She wanted to learn, not have to - teach.  Where's Qui-Gon?  Or Obi-Wan?  Or that kid she ran into?  Are any free?

She just... left?

Well, that's what happens when you can't control your anger!

Yoda sighs, and heads back into the room. He'll deal with Skywalker later.

Soon enough, she runs into Obi-Wan. He has a helmet over his eyes, but he's nevertheless using a lightsaber to deflect shots fired by a training droid - evidently not his real lightsaber, because when it hits the droid, it merely lets out a ding and turns off.

"Kina! Are you already starting with your saber?"

"I don't think that's on my schedule, but I don't think 'learn Master Yoda does not actually have the concept of failing gracefully or recovering from failure in his vocabulary' was necessarily on it either, so...where do I get any of those, anyway?  Workshop?  I'm hardly going to use this," she gestures to Maul's saber, "I'm pretty sure there's no switch for 'training setting'!"

"You can use this if you want," says Obi-Wan, offering his training saber. "To be clear, while it can't inflict any serious damage it is probably not a good idea to grab the blade or anything. What's this about Yoda failing at something?"

"He failed at failing.  Which isn't good, because maybe he's the ideal Jedi, people sure look at him like he's absolutely the wisest, but, most Jedi simply aren't him, and he was trying to teach like they were him.  It was...  Really, really bad, Obi.  I'm worried that someone'll get hurt because Master Yoda can do no wrong, but he's teaching younglings techniques that only work for - old people, who've already had life kick them in the shins a lot."

"...I started meditating when I was, just about six.  Because my hands were shaking.  They were shaking because I was afraid.  I was afraid because -

"There are so many things that could have killed me, long before I could meet you and Padmé and Qui-Gon.

"Watto, thrice over, podracing and unsafe handling of machinery and the bomb in my shoulder.

"Gardulla who hates kids.

"Sebulba, podracing again, 'cause I'm good and he didn't like that.

"Someone deciding to rebel and the whole district getting exploded.

"Honestly those were easier to accept than messing up something I'd survive.  At least then I wouldn't personally face consequences.

"But Master Yoda sees me angry once, and he thinks that I must need lessons in anger management, that my questions were asked because of - I don't understand how he got to anger from questions about the mindset Jedi are supposed to live, and how they're supposed to recover when they've lived, but they've failed, or they've simply lost.

"I'm a little bit angry now, because I can tell he wasn't taking me the slightest bit seriously, because I'm a child, but - when's the last time he had death stalking his footsteps?  What has he failed?  How has he recovered?  What times has he done his best that wasn't enough?  How did he grieve it?"

Kina hasn't taken the lightsaber.

"I'll be - somewhere.  Archives, workshop."

She needs space to breathe.

Obi-Wan didn't actually get all of that. Yoda's sometimes been a little annoying with his speeches, but he's always seemed to be looking out for all of his students. Eight hundred something years of experience, he certainly knows what it's like to be in danger, to fail at something important. Or was that Kina's point, that he's asking too much from the kids?

"I don't know exactly what you're talking about? What did Yoda say to you?"

"The conversation I had started something like - well, Master Yoda was starting in on meditation exercises, and - he started saying 'there is no emotion, there is peace' - except, that's not how emotions work, they don't go away just because you deny them, so I asked him what that was supposed to actually mean, because I couldn't believe that was it, and --"

She pauses.  Collects herself.  Resumes.

"Master Yoda said, something, about - true peace? - and that was...What I said to him next was 'that sounds like you're saying a Jedi is supposed to not care about anything, Master Yoda', and his reply was, 'Attachment can lead to corruption, and blindness to duty'.  Which...implies that I was hearing him right.  But that's simply impossible for most people except, apparently, Yoda!"

Another deep breath, in, and out, slow, and steady, waiting for her racing heart to calm.

"So I asked him what he thought corruption was, and I never did get an answer, but I - gave him another chance, because frankly at this point I was getting convinced that I wasn't going to learn anything from the class if Yoda was going to continue teaching it this way, and I asked him, what happens when we fail?  When we're pushed past the breaking point?  When we're fallible - I love that word, fallible, capable of making mistakes, capable of falling - I asked him, when we're fallible fleshy beings, and we make mistakes, how do we recover?

"The closest thing to an answer I received was 'the Force will help you', he tried to drag the conversation out into the hallway to tell me that, and what he said was, quote, When challenged to the point of anger you are, help you the Force will, end quote, which is - I wanted to learn, Obi-Wan; if I felt anger at that time it was so hidden behind other feelings that I didn't even notice, but if he can't see what's in front of his own eyes, why is he a visionary?  If he can't answer questions, why does he teach?  Challenged to the point of anger, alright, but it's a self-fulfilling prophecy he made!

...You know, I may as well try taking his advice."

So Kina plops down on the floor, up against a wall, closes her eyes, and opens herself to the Force.

"Yoda is definitely pretty confusing," agrees Obi-Wan. "I don't know. They say his advice usually goes well, but yeah, he doesn't always give a clear answer. If you want to be alone, I'll head out."

"...Nah, stay, please, I can be alone with you around; it's just - I am not ever going to be a fan of authority figures and, I just got in a fight with Yoda in his space, and...part of me is anticipating a deadly explosion.  Even though that's really out of character for him.  ...I just hope that maybe he'll think about what I said."

Obi-Wan nods. After a few moments, though, he sends a message to Qui-Gon. This, he would want to hear.

"You want to what?"

"I want to take Kina Skywalker as my Padawan learner," says Qui-Gon, calm despite the incredulous stares of the Council.

"Uncontrolled, Skywalker is," says Yoda, who is clearly exuding a vibe of I am Yoda and I never get angry but if I were anyone else I would be furious. "Behind in many ways, not prepared for the Padawan level. She has learned little of the Force. Discipline, she needs, and in your many strengths, Qui-Gon, discipline is not."

"I don't deny that she has a bit of a rebellious streak," says Qui-Gon. "But that is precisely why she needs a specialized training. I am extremely concerned that Kina will choose to leave the Order, and she is someone that we cannot lose. We all know I've had my... disagreements... with the Council. I think I'm prepared to give her a perspective that isn't necessarily standard for the Jedi, but will still show her that there's a place for her."

"Encouraged, this should not be," Yoda replies. "To teach her to oppose the Council further, would you?!"

"No, if I don't teach her, she'll end up opposing you further!" says Qui-Gon. "She thinks of the Order as trying to oppress her emotions. I don't think there's anyone else who can explain things to her. She doesn't trust any Jedi except me and Obi-Wan."

"And what of Obi-Wan?" asks Yoda. "Train two Padawans, you cannot."

"Obi-Wan is more than prepared to face the trials and become a Jedi Knight. The first priority is that I train Kina before she tries to run away from the Order - "

The door opens.

Queen Amidala paces into the room, followed by Senator Palpatine. "Hello, Masters. Is this a bad time?"