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till death or I cut loose the tie
carissa meets a tyrant
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They sent for help, obviously, when the assault began. 

 

Her best guesses as to why it hasn't come are that this is a coordinated demon offensive, every fort is under this much pressure, and they're saving the highest-value ones first; or that whatever demon blotted out the sky also did something that prevents communications in or out -- it is blocking Teleports, so it's not that unlikely a theory -- or that the end has come and all is lost and Cheliax has no one to send. 

Regardless, there's not actually much you can do as a barely-fourth-circle wizard who has been out of spells for nine hours. She's been lying on the ground to avoid the worst of the choking black smoke, relaying Messages and putting Light where people want it and cauterizing injuries with Acid Splash. She tried binding a familiar to have something to use for scouting; it was useful for three hours and then got eaten. 

The Messages have been getting steadily less encouraging. If she were capable of taking solace in anything at all about this situation she'd take solace in the fact that the fancy fifth-circle wizards, the ones that aren't yet dead, are doing the exact same thing; they're out of spells too. 

She is nursing a stab wound, from one particularly unlucky arrow, but it's not going to kill her at least until tomorrow and is therefore barely registering among her concerns. 

She relays requests for backup and requests for lighting and occasionally flicks off an Acid Splash and she thinks about how this isn't enough, getting faster and clearer with the Messages isn't actually going to matter, getting all the lighting requests actually right isn't going to matter, there's got to be something she could do that matters -

 

if we dig down deep enough, she asks between messages, are we outside the smoke, could we get a summons or teleport or Sending off then. 

yes, Bastrade replies about a minute later. Callier burned all his spells digging into the bedrock and reached the boundary of the Dimension-Lock like effect  he's sleeping, now, he'll try the Teleport in an hour and a half.

 

 

She's annoyed no one told her, even though she didn't, really, need to know. 

 

They don't have an hour and a half, obviously. They've been pushed back to the innermost sanctum and the smoke's making it hard to breathe even in there. The fighters are going down and there's no spells left to get them back up. They're out of potions. They're out of scrolls. They have minutes, not hours. 

She doesn't, actually, have any reason to think she can do it. But it's something that would matter, if it worked, and that's better than not trying anything that would matter even if it worked. 

show me lesser planar binding, she whispers.

you think you can hang a fifth circle spell? He's too tired to sound incredulous, though it is very arrogant of her. She's twenty-six. 

figure I'll die trying. 

 

He doesn't have any illusion spells left, of course. He spits on his finger and traces the spell pattern in the smoky air. Her eyes are stinging. She tries to memorize it, tries to see it, the parts you can directly move and the parts that move quietly behind that. 

 

She jumps into Callier's pit in the inner sanctum. The landing breaks her ankles, which really does not matter at all.

 

And she tries to hang her first fifth-circle spell. 

 

It's not easy, but in a sense it feels like it should be harder. The air is more breathable down here, unless that's just her hallucinating from carbon dioxide poisoning. The spell slides around cooperatively like an old friend, like she was just hanging Detect Thoughts or something. She can hear her heart pounding and her skull throbbing to the beat, which is great because it helps her maintain her rhythm with the casting. 

She draws out the binding circle on the ground. 

And she tries to summon - well, actually, she kind of forgot the step where you specify what precisely you're trying to summon. Something that can cast Sending. Or Teleport. Or, frankly, something that can seal the pit above them so she can be overlooked by the demons when the innermost sanctum falls. 

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And she succeeds.

There is an eruption of fire and steam, when he appears; gouts of sparks and hissing vapor roiling around him that fill the circle, and take a moment to clear for his face to be visible. It is a face of black metal or carapace, like a knight's helm or and the visage of a beetle, but it is fashioned with unnatural precision for any smith. The gaps in the visor are aglow with flame and light, and though the mouth is concealed the arrogant set of his face is unambiguous. The entire body is armored, like the helm; tight plates of metal (or leather? Or a demon's skin?) covering him from the high crest of the helmet to his plated boots, all in black with steaming, glowing red-and-gold ornamentation writhing over the metal. His black feathered wings extend beyond his body, trailing tendrils of shadow below them, and the fingers of his hands are unnaturally long and tipped with talons.

There is a faceted ring of stainless steel on the little finger of his left hand; and a long rapier sheathed at his belt, hilt in an ornate guard. He is just over six feet tall.

"Yes, Summoner?" he says, voice arrogant and gloating.

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Wow, she had not expected it to work, had felt a sinking certainty as she finished the spell that she did it wrong, that the ease with which the magic moved in her hands was a delusion.

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They're in a pit about four feet in diameter, just large enough for the circle and for the woman who is kneeling in it. The pit is lightless aside from the glowing pin of the woman's cloak.  She appears to have a stab wound, and her skin is covered in soot, and she's breathing shallowly and very very rapidly, which is perhaps related to this pit not really having very much oxygen in it. 

 

 

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"Sending to Kintargo telling them Seer's Rest is surrounded and nearly lost," she says in a rush. "If you can't do that but can save my life I'll pay for that too."

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"There are few lives I cannot save, Summoner," he gloats, "But you must make an offer if you wish for me to accept it."

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(And, of course, behind the mask, Sandor "Sandy" Balog is surveying the situation. This LARP has clearly gone wrong, considering that there's an injured woman in a pit with two broken ankles and a stab wound, but she's not going to die in the next ten seconds and so that's actually not much reason for him not to play along if she's dedicated enough to stick with the bit anyway.)

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She appreciates how he's not speaking Infernal to her, what with how her Infernal is crap, but she's not even sure you can make soul contracts in Chelish. She tries for a bit to fish for the Infernal words and then gives it up as definitely hopeless because most of her brain doesn't really seem to be working anymore. 

"If word reaches Kintargo of this situation here in time to save this fortress, my immortal soul is yours on the ordinary Chelish terms, without any further payment that would be customary." That has to have loopholes big enough to fly a dragon through but possibly, if her cognition is in fact working at all, only if he does send the message. " - further I believe that the conveyance of that message serves our Lord. That leaves me with little remaining to offer for my life, but -"

And she starts coughing uncontrollably. " - you can name a price."

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"The bargain is struck, Summoner," he says. "Your life for the price I will name."

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The girl beams up at him like this is in fact the best thing that she could possibly have expected, and then faints from carbon dioxide poisoning.

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Yeah no he's going to fix that.

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The carbon dioxide in her lungs is now oxygen! The smog is suddenly 90% clean air, 10% symbolic storm-clouds roiling with miniature lightning (not sufficient to actually shock anyone, of course)! Her stab wound is healed! Her broken ankles straighten out! And he launches a foot into the air, black wings beating. Where's he been summoned to?

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The innermost sanctum of Seer's Rest is twenty feet in diameter with thick stone walls. There are definitely some dead bodies on the ground, and some dying ones, and every other feature of the situation is hard to determine because of the thick black smoke. 

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.......bluh? 

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Thick black smoke can disappear (read: be turned into oxygen) in crackles of red lightning. Dying people should stop that - he can't fix everything but he can at least make sure they don't get worse. Any of the dead people merely heart-dead and not brain-dead?

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No, they've mostly been dead for a while.

 

....people are turning around in wonder and awe at the sight of oxygen and also him. The ones who are not at this moment trying to use the Mending cantrip to reinforce the doors, or seal the arrow slits through which the smoke is seeping in, drop to their knees and mutter Infernal words of praise. 

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....bluh??????????????????

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He speaks very, very bad Infernal!

Also the smog can stop doing that. If they don't want it to come in he can turn it into very tight mesh nets that let through air and not smog, how about that.

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(Also, no, seriously, what is going on here? Seriously??? This has just gotten bizarre.)

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"....orders?" Bastrade asks hoarsely. 

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Then Duke Sikandros can descend until he is hovering slightly above ground level.

"Status?" he orders, with calm superiority.

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" - the fortress is occupied by demons," the priest on duty says, "we've lost about one hundred seventy men, we've received no response to emergency communications with Sarete or with Kintargo and suspect we're under an effect blocking divinations and, uh, summons, which hypothesis your arrival calls into question."

"Sevar was going to use Callier's pit to reach out of the dimension lock," Bastrade says. 

"She had spells remaining?"

"She was hoping she'd hit fifth."

"That horrid bitch," someone mutters. They sound admiring, after a fashion.

"- anyway, we expect communications didn't reach Sarete or Kintargo, but the other possibility is that the rest of the border's under assault as well."

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This is absolutely bizarre.

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"Her summons was successful," says Sikandros. "I will claim my price when the time comes."

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... Okay, however this is being translated, the fortress is not actually overrun by demon demons. If it was, they wouldn't be using fog as a weapon, unless this was a very weird LARP.

And it almost certainly isn't, not with the shape those people were in.

Well, as Douglas Adams said, "the impossible has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks." The probability that this is a LARP is negligible, while the probability that he's been summoned into a bizarre alternate universe is "it's not like it hasn't happened before."

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"Known demonic varieties and abilities present in the fort?"

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"We don't know what cast the Dimension Lock and presumably something like a Private Sanctum," the priest responds immediately, still kneeling. "Other than that, it's what you'd expect - couple of vrolikai  that took down the strike teams, a bunch of nabasus and zombies in its wake, some vrocks that landed once they had the smoke for cover, a nalfeshnee that smashed the outer walls in once we had to pull back from them, and then plenty of babaus for cannon fodder."

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Carissa briefly entertains an intense desire to sit here in the bottom of the pit where no demons and no scary devils she just sold herself to are, but then she gets over it because she's not actually a child. She wants her devil to think she is useful and worth keeping alive and worth keeping intact after death. He healed her injuries so she could be useful. She will climb out of the pit. 

 

 

This is kind of difficult but she is not going to annoy her devil by needing help. She will just brace herself against one side and pull herself up.

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He can make some spiral stairs form out of the rim of the pit, actually.

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"Anything with mental powers worth discussing?" he says, sounding like this is merely a petty side-note to his supremely self-confidence.

 

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Okay? She'll climb the stairs and then kneel at the top???? She didn't even see how he did that. Does he have Stone Shape at will. Carissa wants to be that when she grows up. 

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"Both of the vrolikai have used their ability to bind and paralyze all who witness them, assuming it's right that they can do that only once without rest, and assuming they haven't called in further reinforcements. I...would hesitate to guess at the capabilities of whatever trapped us here." He cringes as if expecting to definitely be lit on fire for that. 

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He will be lit on fire for that but it beats being wrong. 

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Sandy doesn't know he's supposed to set anyone on fire!

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"Understood," he says, in a 'that should be interesting' sense.

He pauses for effect.

"Will we need the fort intact?"

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The trembling priest blinks at him. "I, uh, don't see how we'd...defend the position without a fort? My lord?"

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"Understood." He shrugs. "If you have spells to support me, you may as well cast them. If not..." he grins. "I expect I can manage."

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There is an awed silence. 

 

(They're all out of spells.)

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What the fuck did she summon.

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Then the next step is for him to stroll calmly over to the door (they may watch his steps suddenly accelerate halfway through) and Angel it open.

(By transmuting extremely tiny amounts of air adjacent to the bars into extremely compressed high explosive shaped charges, producing an explosion that forces the bars back,  its closed lock into an open lock, then transmuting only slightly greater amounts of the air adjacent to the door on the other side into highly compressed high explosives, which immediately detonate with enough force to slam the doors open) -

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... Because what Sandy is doing while he walks is messing with his biology.

He was, in life, an engineer. He built things, to the limits of his materials, which he carefully studied and understood. Any foundation could only support so much force, any bridge bear only a finite load, and engineers scrawled 'unobtanium' when no material on Earth could bear the force they needed.

Sandy's entire body is made of unobtanium.

Whatever other material it is made of, it is also made of unobtanium.

Because angel biology is goddamn nonsense.

Sandy's body does not exactly look very much like a human body under the skin, any more, and when he floods his brain with a chemical cocktail that bolsters his focus and reaction speed and cuts his need for sleep, his brain can even manage to keep up with it.

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...what effect, then, will a large number of slavering beasts with claws clawing and spearing him, and some more sophisticated beasts casting spells designed to drain his life-energy, have on him?

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That would be 'none', since he can turn them into air and/or TnT (mixture calculated so as not to break his hosts' castle) about as fast as he can look at them! Draining his life energy makes him feel slightly woozy, but he doesn't actually get worse than 'slightly woozy' what with being a daeva and also he is on SO MANY DRUGS.

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In that case they will be fleeing in very short order!

 

 

The black smoke is even thicker, here, but as it clears it's evident this is a proper old-fashioned defensive castle, with bodies both human and distinctly inhuman strewn all around the battlements.

 

 

The castle is surrounded by.....empty, featureless tundra, except over there, where there's a blue forcefield that stretches across the entire horizon. It's partially transparent and on the other side is more empty, featureless tundra. 

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       "What did you summon?"

 

"I don't know, High Priest, I was slowly dying of the cave air! It evidently serves Asmodeus, whatever it is!"

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Right! Well, he can continue clearing the black smoke, heal anyone who needs healing, and disintegrate inhuman slavering monsters, no problem.

After that, he's going to calmly stroll back to where the people were so he can eavesdrop figure out a little more of what's going on.

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The people are in uniform, or at least appear to have been in uniform at the start of the day; some of them are Prestidigitating themselves clean, now that all the demons have been????? exploded????? by the devil???? or possibly not a devil?????? 

Bastrade says he'd in fact assumed Carissa'd somehow summoned an eldritch god of some kind, except for how those really don't go in for looking like terrifying humanoids. 

 

They're sorting the bodies by whether they're Raiseable and worth Raising, and dragging the ones that aren't over to be burned. 

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Oh hi probably not an eldritch god. Carissa should definitely not look scared of him, it's very rarely a good idea to look scared of people.

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Is that better? No, she's pretty sure that's worse. 

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So, known things magic can do (as he tells the ridiculous flood of drugs to leave his system):

- Long-distance communication.

- Summoning things less scary than daeva.

- Cleaning yourself up.

- Mass paralysis.

- Raising dead as unintelligent zombies?

- Blocking long-distance communication and summoning.

And known details of this fantasy setting:

- Vaguely medieval tech.

- Some people who can cast spells, and they can run out of spells.

- Demons attack places and there's a fortress line against them.

- The side that summoned him has SUPER EVIL aesthetics, even if slightly less SUPER EVIL than the demons.

 

And the next question: How long, exactly, can he keep this nonsense going?

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"Summoner."

And, because it's funny (and he does not, at this point, need to do any signaling of his scariness at all), he will give an ironic bow to Carissa.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh????

 

Play along, play along, he's having fun and you're safer as long as he keeps having fun. 

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"My lord," she says, curtsying back. Her legs are only a tiny bit wobbly. "May I have the honor of knowing" what "who I summoned?"

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"Duke Sikandros. And you, Summoner?"

Okay, she's terrified, he can ease back on the being-terrifying thing...

(actually, he can't, it's kind of a habit by now)

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She can't possibly have summoned a Duke of Hell with lesser planer binding, that's not the kind of thing that spell can do!!! Not that she is going to argue this point! Or ask what he's a duke of if it's not Hell! She'll just...bow more?

"Carissa Sevar, staff wizard with Her Majesty's Fifth, my lord. I'm an arms and armor specialist." Is adding that obnoxious? But not adding it risks giving him the impression she's not very valuable. Which she's not, to a Duke of Hell. 

Which he can't be, because he didn't light the priest on fire for being unhelpful. Right?

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Sandy is blissfully unaware of what everyone is expecting him to do as it relates to fire!

"Carissa Sevar," he says, considering the word carefully. "I would speak with you alone, Carissa Sevar."

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He doesn't, actually, seem to be trying very hard to be scary, which means probably he would like it if she acted less scared. Usually that wouldn't be very hard but she still feels oddly fuzzy. 

Well, she'll just have to get over that, won't she, it's her life at stake. 

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She will be a completely reasonable and respectful amount of scared and not more scared than that. 

 

"Of course, my lord." Hopefully he has in mind a cleared bit of fortress because she doesn't.

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Sure, he'll go pace to somewhere on the walls where he can see anyone spying on them from a long way off.

"So, Sevar," he says calmly. "Let us imagine that you were describing this world to someone who had never before visited it. What would you say?"

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Did she get a duke of Hell something from so far away he isn't familiar with Golarion????

 

Be clever and useful and don't waste his time. "This world is Golarion, it is the third around its star, it is part of Pharasma's Creation, it is populated by humans and at least several dozen other races of peoples. Rovagug the consumer of worlds is sealed at the center of this one. Prophecy is broken here. That -" she gestures, " is the Worldwound, which opens to the Abyss, and opened when prophecy ended. The people of Golarion guard its edges and try to keep it from expanding and eating the whole world."

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"An interesting description," he says calmly.

(It actually is, the problem is that everything is irrelevant. Third rock from the sun means it might be an alternate Earth, multiple species fits with 'he's just been teleported into a fantasy world' - excuse me, Lord Kalvan would like to sue, he had to manage with a repeating pistol, not that the other side had real magic - and now he has to deal with the fact that they consider their magic system universal to all their worlds. Anyway, devourer of worlds, prophecy broken, sounds like fun to me!) 

"And on this world, the best fortresses you can make are these?"

He will tap the stone beneath his foot with one boot. "Just craftsmanship, or did any magic go into the construction?" Either way, he sounds disapproving.

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" - I think they used some magic, my lord." And only a tiny bit defensively, "Cheliax is twelve hundred miles from here, and the nearest coast is nine hundred. We defend the northern edge of the Wound because no one else can supply fortresses here at all."

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"Mmm. Some. I see.

"And your means of supply, then?"

(He sounds very judging, and also like he's spending half of his attention paying attention to something else.)

 

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Probably everything they're doing is in fact immensely stupid by the standards of a Duke of ??????. "Teleporters, my lord."

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THEY HAVE TELEPORTATION HOW DOES HE GET THAT

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"Wizardry?" he asks, sounding like, yup, he's used to people supplying fortresses at twelve hundred mile range, sees it all the time, and is merely comparing and contrasting all the various supply means he is aware of.

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"Cheliax pays to educate every child with promise, my lord. Even the girls." No, that was obvious from her standing here. "We have the most wizards per person of anyone in the world, and all of them indebted to the crown."

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That actually sounds like a great sign for Cheliax! Also they look super evil just from clearly-visible aesthetics, though, you know, so does he, so maybe he should take that with a grain of salt.

He will nod like it is clearly behaving reasonably and sensibly in a manner too obvious even to discuss.

And then he will calmly begin raising a star fort around this medieval castle, pacing a circuit of its walls as he does, assuming Carissa will follow. The walls are sloped and of stone more solid than it likes to form on its own fronted with packed earth, and he builds up the outer areas first, then the inner ones, walls astonishingly thick and well-engineered.

(They may be super evil, but in their defense they clearly were being slaughtered by demonic forces that showed no interest whatsoever in negotiating with him, so.)

"And the other nations of this world?" It is, again, the voice of someone who is going to be disappointed and is just curious who is going to disappoint him most.

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"Cheliax is the only nation compacted with Asmodeus and in His service. There's lots of - petty kings - lots of people live in the Padishah Empire, or in Taldor.... the other edges of the Worldwound are held by Mendev, which is a Lawful Good country in the possession of Iomedae, and Irrisen, which is Baba Yaga's country, and by Lastwall, which is also Iomedae's, on the southern border. - you probably wouldn't know Iomedae. She's a local god, an ascended mortal."

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"I don't know your local gods, no," he says, in a "please tell me more about local context" voice.

Vitally important updates:

- Baba Yaga What.

- It is possible to become a god, new life goal.

- They have officially declared that... a country is Good... and they don't seem to be declaring that their country is Good... do they just admit they're evil??? This is a lower-budget fantasy novel than he expected to be in!

- Maybe he needs to know more magic. He would like to know more magic. How does he get magic.

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"The best-known ascended human gods are Iomedae, Lawful Good, Cayden Cailean, Chaotic Good, Irori, Lawful Neutral, and Norgorber, Neutral Evil. All of them but Irori ascended via the Starstone, Irori did it some other way, which I've heard glossed as 'attaining perfection'. I'm not really a theology expert and Irori is the only one whose worship is permitted in Cheliax, but they all ascended in the last ...four? five? thousand years, and none of them are very powerful, as I understand it."

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"I see," he says. (It is a "surveying the opposition" tone.)

- Human gods, which might mean humans are unnaturally likely to ascend ("other races", she said) or might just mean that she doesn't care about nonhuman gods.

- The Lawful Neutral one is the only one whose worship her country commits - what does 'lawful' even mean, 'are you a team player?' How can you have a chaotic country? Maybe it's just an anarchy?

- Seriously what's with gods just declaring themselves evil.

"And which magics are common in this particular world?"

Hopefully this is a broad enough question that it can be ambiguously interpreted as "spells" or as "magic systems" or as "ways to teach people," depending on how their varieties of magic work -

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"Most spellcasters are wizards or priests, my lord, but there are sorcerous bloodlines that can do most things wizards can do and a few they can't. I've - never seen or heard of anyone with your powers." He's still doing the Stone Shape at will. She wants it.

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"You would not have," he says drily. "And the common uses of wizardry here?"

Putting slight emphasis on here, as if to suggest that wherever he's from has lots more uses of wizardry than she knows about.

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"Laundry, my lord, for weak wizards, and lighting, and mindreading and temperature for slightly stronger ones, and then Fireball and so on for combat wizards and Teleport once you've hit fifth circle. If you hit fifth circle; most don't." I am very impressive for doing so, you should not wear my skin as a cloak or whatever you are planning once you're done Stone Shaping a new fort around the fort.

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Mindreading.

Huh.

Well.

This is going to be a much shorter run of Milesing than he had planned; he bets daeva invulnerability doesn't stop that.

"Interesting," he says calmly. "And if I asked you to teleport me?" His voice is slightly playful, as if he already knows the answer to that question, and is just curious how he'll respond to it.

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If he were a man she would actually interpret that tone as slightly flirtatious but he is, well, very observably not, so it probably isn't.

 

"I must be fifth circle now, my lord, as I summoned you, but I wasn't this morning, so I don't know the pattern yet. I could beg your patience, and cast it for you in the morning."

 

 

Does he..... just want a wizard to spellcast for him while he wanders around having Stone Shape adventures. Does he somehow not have Teleport in his own right. That seems wildly more lucky than a person could reasonably expect to get when giving themselves up to a ludicrously powerful outsider they summoned.  

 

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"Mmm. Perhaps." He pauses. "And the largest city in this world?"

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"...I don't know, my lord. Maybe Absalom? Maybe Goka? - Absalom's where the Starstone is, and some of the world's best wizards outside Cheliax. Goka I don't know much about because it's on another continent but their adventurers come here to help with the demons sometimes."

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He'll respond with a measured nod.

"And how many people in Cheliax are wizards? Per hundred?" He'll steal her exact word choice for the second sentence, there.

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"Five, my lord. Ten have cantrips."

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So, somewhere between postgrad and doctorate. Not bad for a medieval setting.

"I could make use of a guide to this world," he says calmly. "I have not set foot here in the generations since humanity's birth."

(Nor before that, since he didn't exist, but, y'know, style.)

"For your life I claim three favors, and the first shall be to act as my guide in this world until I dismiss you of my own will, or until your final death, or until one hundred years have passed."

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She's not, actually, sure why he's limiting himself to three, and it's probably some horrible game where the third is - whatever the worst possible thing is -

- but so long as that day isn't today, she can figure out how to make sure it doesn't come, and an outsider thinking about a guide on the scale of a hundred years probably isn't going to get bored tomorrow.

Probably. 

"Yes, my lord. I will need to inform my Chelish superiors. I don't expect them to object under the circumstances."

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"And how long do you intend to spend informing your Chelish superiors, Carissa Sevar?"

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Still not on fire! Somehow! Even though not only is it richly deserved, it'd in fact probably be helpful with making her superiors feel like the consequences of her actions are going to be horrible enough they don't need to bestir themselves to make them worse!

 

"It'll be - a minute, my lord, if I go quickly."

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He really doesn't know he's supposed to set her on fire!!!

"Understood. Go quickly, then."

And while she does that he'll continue building a fort. If he runs out of fort to build, he can add ravelins, he likes ravelins, architecturally speaking, and it's not like he has anything more useful to build while he hangs out.

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Carissa runs back. She is no longer going to hide that she is incredibly terrified, since now her play is convincing her superiors that they should consider her missing but not, actually, deserted. 

They've mopped the blood and grime off the floor, but not very well; you can see the traces where the spells didn't quite reach. She drops to her knees. "I offered any payment he could name, for his aid. He's taking me with him."

         The priest looks relieved to learn the extremely powerful outsider is leaving. "Well, that was a stupid offer," he says coolly.

Carissa nods at the ground, which she's staring at. "I want to be more interesting before I go to Hell, High Priest."

         "Did you find out what he is?"

"I haven't been asking questions, High Priest. He's - he's been fixing up the fortress -"

         "We noticed. Your plans are acknowledged." He says it in the flat tone that means he hopes she dies right away, as it'll be less paperwork.

"But I'm not deserting?" She didn't mean for that to come out a question. 

          He snorts. "We'll say we threw you in as thanks for the fortress."

 



 

 

....back to her Duke of ?????, then. She really would have expected that leaving would have hurt more. Or less. One of those. Probably it will when they actually Teleport out and it's real. 

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That is when a strike team arrives to the rescue of Seer's Rest, appearing in the air a hundred feet above the fortress, Hasted, flying, many of them invisible, magical weapons drawn to rain destruction down on demons. 

They are immediately very confused. 

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Duke Sikandros will continue making fort appear out of thin air and not visibly pay much attention! He's sure the locals can explain the situation without much difficulty.

(He is, in fact, somewhat worried about having his thoughts read, but nothing to do but brazen it out, it's not like he's not thoroughly immortal.)

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"Sevar summoned it."

    "What is it."

"I don't know but I think we really ought to let it go on its merry way - it tore the demons apart like tissue paper -"

     "Maybe because it sent them."

"....oh. Maybe."

      "You fucking moron. How sure are you that one of ours summoned it -"

"...not at all, actually, it rose out of the pit alone - a minute later Sevar appeared to join - we can't check anything, we're all out of spells -"

                  "Chaotic Good."

"Sorry, fucking say that again?"

                   "Uh, it's, Chaotic Good, going by, uh, its aura. Chaotic Good and quite valuable."

"You're going to wish you'd died to the demons, priest. Can someone get Detect Thoughts up -"

 

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"They've acknowledged my departure, my lord."

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He nods in response. "We'll leave in the morning, once you have the Teleport spell prepared."

Hopefully before anyone tries anything; he'll feel a lot more comfortable interacting with Cheliax once he's read sixteen different histories of the nation and has some idea how exactly this world works.

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      "Why the fort? is it a trap, is it going to collapse on us?"

                "That doesn't - seem like Chaotic Good to me, really."

                           "Oh, and I'm sure you're the expert."

                "What's that supposed to mean?"

"What about the girl, what's that about -" 

              "she's not actually that pretty -"

        "It's pretty slim pickings this far north. I haven't seen nicer."

"I don't mean 'would you fuck her', you paving stones, I mean, is she complicit -"

         "Did anyone see how he drove the demons off? Definitely wasn't an illusion?"

                "The fort's not an illusion -"

         "That's not what I asked."

 

Detect Thoughts. 

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(Int: 18. Will save: +3!)

The terrifying outsider presently enjoying finishing up the star fort and adding ravelins! There's a lot of complex engineering in his head that is probably not all that relevant; he's also enjoying trolling Carissa, though he's also feeling slightly guilty about it; probably he should let her go when he makes it to Absalom, but then she might get horribly murdered and then where would he be; probably once he's inhaled (a metaphor in his thoughts) the contents of a library he should go drop off summoning diagrams with one of the sides that are Good, always assuming that Good is in fact good this might be some kind of meta twist where Good and Evil are both names for equally bad sides.

Either way, "learning wizardry" seems really cool, especially if it works back home! He doesn't actually have much use for the ability to read minds (HEY IF YOU'RE READING MY THOUGHTS STOP) or throw fireballs but he'd kind of like to travel instantaneously without faeries, and even magic just for cleaning clothes is inherently very cool, due to being MAGIC.

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          "Chaotic Good," is reported disappointedly. "And hoping to get to Absalom and - orient - I think he actually was summoned here -"

"Should we kill him?"

         "Can we kill him? The demons -"

"Did any of them try a good old-fashioned Disintegrate from behind?"

                  "They were largely low on spells."

"Mmhmmm, thought so."

                                  "The fort's fine, the fort is - just for fun -"

                         "I fucking hate Chaotic Good."

         " - backup plan, though -"

" - yes, obviously -"

    

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"Get some sleep," he says, "we'll leave in the morning." 

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And once the fort is done, which shouldn't really take him long, he'll head back inside to see if anyone has books to read he can steal while he quietly sits in the same room as his summoner, though he may want to check if they have a library he can steal from while Carissa sleeps; it's very annoying how Carissa needs to sleep, what with not being a daeva.

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They, uh, had a library. It was not an impressive one to begin with and someone lit it on fire yesterday. 

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Disintegrate. 

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Immune.

First reaction: He feels mildly tingly.

Second reaction: DRUGS TIME.

Third reaction: The now hasted Duke Sikandros will turn, raise an eyebrow at the wizard in question, say "An error, I believe," and fill his nostrils with precisely measured quantities of anesthetic - enough to knock a normal human of the wizard's estimated weight out without any particular worries about injury.

Anyone else trying anything?

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Hold Monster. 

 

Hold Monster. 

 

Feeblemind. 

 

Dictum. 

 

 

A couple dozen Fireballs. 

 

 

The casters are invisible. Their intelligence suggested he had no way to counter that.

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You don't become a Worldwound wizard if you can't sleep through pretty much anything.

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Failed save! Failed save! Immune! Immune/resistant/immune/immune! The Hold spells seem to have a weirdly short duration, but he can't do anything fast once they hit.

In that case, one of the tendrils dangling from his wings (visible out of the corner of his eye) is going to form into a hemisphere, drop over Carissa Sevar, and then cleave its way through the floor under her to form a dome, because his summoner actually matters.

Another wing-tendril one is going to form a razor-sharp blade, then be shapeshifted rapidly through the empty space from which these spells are coming.

(His thoughts are shock and the need to protect his summoner and OH HOLY SHIT THEY ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS and DRUGS, except for the little bit that is going squee about how he finally has a use for his ridiculous superpowers that aren't just directly controlling stuff.)

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Okay that wakes her. Aaaaah??? 

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His wing-tendril connects with something, several somethings, and there's a chorus of grunts of pain

 

 

That shouldn't be possible, much more than all the rest shouldn't be possible - if he didn't beat the Hold Monster, he shouldn't still be able to use his powers -

 

"Calling it," says a voice from over the entity's shoulder. "Get it out of here."

 

Plane Shift. 

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Fails his save.

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Great! Now the Chaotic Good entity which no one can figure out anything about, but which is planning to teach the secret of its summoning to Good churches across Golarion, can hang out in the Elemental Plane of Fire.

 

They're pretty sure it can't Plane Shift back. 

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Then Sandy is now in a featureless plane full of fire, with a bloody tendril, an (airtight) Carissa-box-containing tendril, and multiple Hold Monster spells on him, which he is attempting to convince his body are unnatural and should not be present.

Can this fire be changed into other things?

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Yep! ....probably best if they aren't flammable.

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Then he will turn one of his wing-tendrils into a vast airtight sphere of the least conductive material he can imagine all around him, then start turning all the fire inside the sphere into breatheable (and cold) air.

"Sevar?" he says.

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Somehow, very strangely, she doesn't actually look more scared than she did yesterday. Perhaps she's an actress in her free time. 

 

"Reporting for duty, my lord. Where are we."

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"A realm of endless fire," he says. (He'll let her out once his island of safety is complete.) "One you know?"

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"....Hell? I'm, uh, not on fire, am I supposed to be?"

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"No," he says, in an if-you-were-supposed-to-be-on-fire-don't-you-think-you'd-be-on-fire-by-now voice.

He pauses. "Your former superiors believed that my being sent here might inconvenience me."

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" - they must have asked Egorian, if they - surprised you at the Worldwound - there's a treaty, you have to be very careful about that kind of thing - I'm sure they didn't break the letter of it -" She is Prestidigitating her hair back into a knot. "...I can't Plane Shift."

 

It's not that she's not grateful to not be on fire, but it'd be much less confusing!!

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Didn't break the letter of it. Interesting. And Egorian is probably her monarch or commander-in-chief, though not certainly...

"Not a spell you know?"

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- okay that is a weird thing not to know, no matter how far away you are. 

"It's seventh circle. Or - uh, if there's a fifth circle version for wizards, we don't know it -"

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"I see," he says calmly. "Not something I can teach you, I don't think."

He pauses. "Then if we wanted to depart this Hell..." in the tone of a teacher prompting his student to finish the exercise... "What would you propose?"

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Blink blink. "I think, my lord, that people don't really escape Hell."

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"Did not," he corrects absent-mindedly.

(Well, no, very present-mindedly, but with deliberate affect of absent-mindedness.)

"Or do you mean to say that the spell that sent us here can't be reversed?" Slightly teasing.

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"Oh, come now; this will scarcely be the first inescapable doom I've evaded," (Mortality is usually called that, after all) "and I'm still owed a hundred years of your service, less a day."

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Play along play along -

 

How to phrase this -

 

"My lord, I imagine I could serve you better as a guide if I had some understanding of - what resources you expect you can call upon in Hell and what might've inspired Cheliax to send you there."

And she closes her eyes and braces herself in case this is the point where he stops thinking it's funny when she's useless.

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"Oh, none, in Hell," he says as if this was a perfectly normal sentence. "Only my own abilities. And you, of course."

And then, while they talk, he will start making them an airplane, expanding the breathable-air-dome as necessary. He can't build a spaceship, of course; he'd need to know how every part fits together, and spaceships are complicated. But an electrical generator, a motor, wings and a shell won't be too hard. He doubts it will be up to the standards of the second World War, let alone anything more modern, but he can give it a fireproof hull and it's not like there's anything to crash into.

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....that's not even Stone Shape!!!!

 

Right, assume anything he didn't answer he doesn't want you to know. So no answer to why Cheliax sent him to Hell or what he's capable of. ...presumably because she would agree with Cheliax's reasons for sending him to Hell and not want to help him? She made a deal, though. Maybe he's not confident she's Lawful enough to stick to it? She has consistently come across as a blithering idiot, so that's probably it. 

 

What is he building. 

 

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"I believe," he says calmly, "that they did not think I could get out."

He smiles slightly. "I do intend to prove them wrong."

(He's choosing his materials carefully, of course, for effective insulation and holding up under conditions of extreme heat, but the important thing is a flat surface - ultimately building a luxurious airplane is a secondary option compared to his simple solution for escaping, though that will depend on Carissa's assistance.)

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"If you have allies elsewhere, probably the thing to do is to get a Sending off to them, and ask them to come pick you up - it might be a trap, probably is, but I bet it'd be worth it to someone, if you'll build forts for them." 

See, I'm not useless. 

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"Mmm." He looked at her more calmly. "As it happens, I had considered borrowing a few skills from them." He does not have allies in this dimension, not until he knows which of the factions are his allies. But he has summoning - if he has a summoner.

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Is that what the enormous contraption is for? 

 

She doesn't ask that. She does not conceivably need to know. 

 

"I know Sending. I'll have to sleep, but in the morning I can prepare it."

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"As it happens, I have a faster solution."

His enormous contraption can develop some nice tasteful carpeting in sinister-looking red and gold, excepting the center of the floor, where he will place an elaborate set of interlocking circles of various metals, drawing them into the floor with a burst of visibly sinister flame.

(The visibly sinister flame is just SFX, of course. And none of the circles are summoning circles yet.)

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Carissa wants to DIE and be CLEANSED OF ALL HER IMPERFECTIONS and then learn THAT KIND of magic. 

 

 

 

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Though ideally not today.

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"The problem," he says as he works, in the voice of someone who Actually Genuinely Takes This Seriously And Expects You To Too, "is that this requires summoning entities that, while not dangerous to me, could certainly kill you, and quite probably destroy large parts of Hell. So some caution will be required."

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Is she supposed to respond to that? She will - look like a very attentive student who does not want to die at all. (This isn't hard.)

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"I will need the names of three of your favorite works of fiction, three introductory textbooks to wizardry, and three libraries, should you have them, all in Avistani, all of the finest quality you know."

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"- I like A Guide to Spellcraft and A Further Guide to Spellcraft by Andale Bahavir and, hmmm, I guess Introduction to Magic, the standard Chelish textbook, they update it every year and there's no author listed. There's a library attached to the great temple in Corentyn and probably also in Egorian and Ostenso and Westcrown, though I haven't been there. I don't engage in recreation," which is hopefully the least annoying way to explain not knowing any fiction.

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"No fiction?" he murmurs. "Tragic."

Then he supposes he'll need to just teach demons wizardry. Ah well.

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"There's authorized fiction, my lord, but I haven't read it." Carissa is so confused.

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"Ah-ha," he says softly. "Well. In that case, we will just have to manage."

Once again, his face becomes serious.

"Only a mortal can complete a summoning ritual of the sort I intend to initiate. I will need you to agree to the deal made; since these deals are exceptionally dangerous, I will do the negotiating and pay any required prices, and will provide you with earplugs to wear for everything except conducting the final deal. You will need to accept this deal, and you will need to not accept any other deal offered, or speak any word that might be taken as giving consent until the final deal is negotiated. If we do not negotiate a deal, I will require you to banish the summoned entity; this will take one minute of focusing and nothing else, so long as the circle holds - and the circle will hold. Do you understand me?"

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- 'accept an arbitrary deal I am going to negotiate on your behalf' is, certainly, about the situation you should expect to find yourself in if you make the choices Carissa has made. 

 

 

 

 

He needs her for something. Something that might require her voluntary cooperation, even. That's some leverage.

 

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"In Golarion, my lord, those are not among the services typically offered by a guide; ought I to regard this as the second of the favors you have of me?"

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He laughs.

"Serve as summoner at need while you are my guide, 'till I can find another, and I will count it as the second favor owed."

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....it's probably only funny because the third favor encompasses everything he might think of asking of her for the rest of time. But still. 

 

"Yes, my lord."

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No, it's funny because he likes Carissa! She's clever! And he appreciates it!

"Very well. Do you understand the actions that I here request of you?"

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"You will deafen me, and I will remain silent, while you negotiate a deal with some entity; you will then require that I accept the deal, and I will say aloud that I accept it, or require that I ...dismiss...the entity, which I do through concentration for ten rounds."

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He nods and makes her some earplugs, then hands them to her.

Then he's going to slightly raise the summoning platform, slightly raise the platform he stands on, and etch an actual summoning circle one layer on, leaving the last little bit unfinished.

(It's a sensible, short-but-secure-but-no-gag-order binding circle for whatever demon feels like picking it up.)

He will then form out of the air a - let's go for style - poker with a secure and insulated handle and a diamond tip suitable for etching metal and carefully hand it to Carissa. "Put in the earplugs, then complete the circle."

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At least when she does die and go to Hell, having witnessed all this will probably make her more valuable. 

 

 

 

She puts in the earplugs. She completes the circle.

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There appears an outsider. This one has bat-wings, big scaly black ones that shine like alligator leather, and the kind of glasses with several lenses that can be tipped up or down depending on the desired configuration, and is wearing more black-alligator-leather accessories including thigh-high boots, in addition to lots of snugly fitted brown and blue lace and ruffles and silk - it doesn't look like what a princess would wear exactly but it looks like it would cost that much - plus an obviously magical thing strapped to her wrist, glowing with exotic symbols. "Summoner," she says, glancing quickly between Carissa and Duke Sikandros and focusing her attention on Carissa as soon as she spots wings. Her smile is half-sales, half-predator. "- whatever can I do for you," she adds, glancing down at the circle.

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Duke Sikandros clears his throat.

"I am negotiating on behalf of my summoner today, I'm afraid," he says, raising one visored eyebrow. "And I am sorry, but we have had a hell of a day and it's not over yet. We need a map of the nearest four thousand miles-by-four-thousand-miles cube of space surrounding us and a chiplocked computer with the complete contents of the libraries attached to the largest temples in Corentyn, Egorian, Ostenso, Westcrown and Absalom. We can pay in the knowledge that these libraries exist, in book recommendations, and in the URL of the webpage I intend to upload a description of this ridiculous adventure once it's over."

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"You just told me all those libraries exist," she points out. "For free. I don't know what any of those places are, if you can't name the atlas you want I can do a scale model of the place but I don't know about book recommendations. She's pretty," she adds helpfully, looking Carissa up and down.

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"She's not on the menu," he says drily. "Books and an explanation are."

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"How about you let me talk to her and I don't unlock the letter I just wrote my librarian buddy about those libraries you mentioned?" She taps her watch peripheral.

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And he will turn to Carissa, and say, audibly through the earplugs, "Would you kindly dismiss this one?"

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The outsider giggles. If she's unlocking a letter, it doesn't come with a visible action, but then it wouldn't.

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Ten rounds of concentration. Carissa is a certified fourth-circle combat caster even if it's not her specialty and she can do ten rounds of concentration even while a heating stone is burning a hole in her arm.

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Ten rounds is more than enough time for the giggling outsider to blow Carissa a kiss.

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Right, okay, probably he's going to sell Carissa to one of the outsiders he's summoning. He did say he would handle the payments.

That's fine. She has no reason to prefer her current outsider over other ones except that he hasn't lit her on fire yet.

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Once the giggling outsider has disappeared, he can gesture at her to remove her earplugs.

"She wanted you, you aren't for sale. We'll try others."

... And then, fairly explicitly, "The third favor will not, to be clear, be selling you to an outsider, Carissa Sevar. You are, after all, my guide." 

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Is he reading her mind? Did she make a face? She wasn't trying to make a face. 

 

 

It's a relief anyway, despite the airtight argument for not caring which she just came up with.

 

"...as you wish, my lord."

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Honestly, Sandy would really like to talk to someone who he can just talk to. Not that trying to extract information from Carissa isn't interesting, but having someone he could just work with would be so convenient. At this point he mostly just wants to find his feet.

Arrange hand gestures for communication, more earplugs, next demon?

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The next one is wearing khaki slacks and a modified polo shirt under his olive-green wings and is very disappointed that they aren't with Davidson's Demon List.

The one after that, whose blouse is pink with a print of lemon slices and who appears in the middle of eating a cone of ice cream, is looking for book recommendations but was actually specifically hoping to get into twentieth century comics canon and is having trouble finding a good entry point. Still, demons can't be choosers and she can probably trade the local book recommendations for someone's help with Batman if necessary? She scratches her head at the base of one curly little horn with a golden wing-claw.

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Oh, sure, no problem. You want the Adams-O'Neill run, anything you can find with the two of them, start with Joker's Five-Way Revenge, then...

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"I expect we can come to an arrangement," he says.

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"That's exciting," she says, which isn't an agreement any more than what he said is. "Is there a particular map you want?"

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Nope! He'll need it turned into a scale model of the area around him; six feet tall with transparent plastic replacing flame? Here's his shopping list (he has in fact thought of various things for it other than just "tiny model" and "computer" and "stuff for computer", like "food for Carissa" and "physical books for Carissa;" he does remember that she's made of meat.) In exchange, he'll give her his recommendations for getting into twentieth-century comics canon, on which Duke Sikandros has elaborate and well-detailed opinions that only start with Adams and O'Neill.

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Replacing flame? Wow. Okay. She's not sure flame is a material object so she's just going to fill in all the "empty" space in the model with the plastic, if that's all right with him, and she will do that and his shopping list for comics recommendations.

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It is.

"Carissa?"

And he will signal that she can remove her earplugs and read her the terms of the contract.

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What kind of contract is that. 

 

She will dutifully read it off without asking questions, word-for-word.

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"Deal," chirps the lemon demon. She pops the last fragment of ice cream cone into her mouth and seeks out a good space in which to make the desired scale model.

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It's a really big airplane.

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Then this will be a short search. There appears quite suddenly the desired scale model. "There isn't much here," she says. "I can do a fairy circle if you want one to tote you some way or other."

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It's mostly flame around here. There are a couple floating islands of something solid, but not many; most things aren't solid at these temperatures. 

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He would appreciate the circle, yes, since, wow, he's stuck in an infinite plane of floating islands, looks like.

Admittedly what he really wants is the chance to talk to Carissa. He's feeling really guilty about the way he's treated her, and since he has followed a rule for the last hundred years or so of never doing anything he didn't want to do, this means that he clearly needs to apologize to her.

(And here, demon, have comic-book recommendations!)

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Carissa does not have the slightest complaints about her treatment, which seems to involve being alive and not even tortured a little bit. 

 

She puts the earplugs back in when the deal is done and stands motionless at attention until they're done.

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The lemon demon is very cheerful about her comic recs, she really lucked out there! Once all the shopping is completed including the fairy circle she is ready to go home.

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Dismissal.  It doesn't even really feel like doing magic but apparently it's a key step somehow.

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Demon goes poof in ten rounds.

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Then in that case, Duke Sikandros will - visibly relax, slightly - and turn to Carissa.

"Now that the crisis is passed, I believe I owe you an apology," he says.

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Shit fuck she doesn't know the rules of this game anymore -

 

 

 

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"Well, I believe I owe you my life."

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"... Entirely possible," he says. "Nonetheless we are presently stranded in a sphere of flame extending at least four thousand miles in every direction, so I cannot simply consider myself your benefactor any longer. Though if you want copies of everything in the largest library in Absalom, that was one of the items I compacted for."

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????????

 

 

He can't mean that they're here, or even a representative ten of them, because she'd see them. Maybe he compacted to get them in the future?

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"My lord, why don't you start by telling me what you plan to do that you're apologizing for, and then move on to bribing me about it."

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"I am apologizing for shanghaiing you and causing you to be stranded in the middle of an at-least-four-thousand-mile-wide sphere of fire, as it happens," he says.

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" - I think it's probably not Hell, Hell has ground. Probably it's the Elemental Plane of Fire. ...I'm sorry I guessed wrong." Is that playing the game right?

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"... I accept your apology," he manages. "But I believe the relevant element," he says, "is that I am presently attempting to learn more about your world and I would value your help, but I am wholly willing to let you leave in whatever place you desire now that this most urgent crisis is finished," (and he has BOOKS that can teach him MAGIC that have been leaked to HELL and can therefore get leaked to EARTH, though not as fast as if he went back) "once we have escaped from, apparently, the Elemental Plane of Fire."

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She has absolutely no idea how to interpret this on any level! Not as a game, not as a ...not-game.....is he trying to get her to say she wants to stay? Why would he want that? 

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She feels kind of rejected, which is proof that mortals are worthless and stupid and Asmodeus is right to light them all on fire. 

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"Did....I....displease you, my lord?"

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He pauses.

"... I am presently attempting," he says very calmly, "to not threaten you. I believe that you have taken various of my statements as threats, while I did, in fact, mean them as attempts to make your alliance with me something you are glad occurred. Perhaps it would be clearer if I said that I have never, in fact, enjoyed torturing people, and that I have always found that, when I did want to torture people, the fundamental urge to do so was better satisfied with exile. I prefer working with people who I expect will want to cooperate with me willingly, as they are less likely to betray me, given the opportunity; servants are less likely to spend valuable resources searching for an escape route than slaves. I do not, in fact, intend to harm you, whatever you do; my desire is, rather, to cooperate with you in escaping the Elemental Plane of Fire."

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" - oh. Well, I haven't specified what you'd have to do to make me regret allying with you, because it's stupid to tell someone how to hurt you as much as possible, but there's no way you'd do it by accident, and I've been mostly assuming I'll be very glad I allied with you, and I'm certainly very glad of it so far. You don't have to bribe me with books for that, though you should probably give me at least some books with Mage's Private Sanctum in them so I can make this place unscryable to Cheliax before they notice you're escaping. I do appreciate the not being tortured though given that exile isn't very much of an option here, I won't be put out if you find yourself resorting to it?"

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"... Understood," he says.

"Well. Fair enough." He smiles arrogantly. "And I do, in fact, need a guide to your world, since it is in fact true that I could not tell Hell from the Elemental Plane of Fire, nor Lawful Good from a lamprey - my own plane is quite different."

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....okay? They're all set now? 

 

Carissa finds herself wanting a hug, which is further proof mortals are all worthless and Asmodeus is right to light them on fire. "Well. I made a deal and I meant to keep my end of it. That's - what Lawful means, among other things."

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"Then I suppose I am Lawful, by your standards, as I do not make deals I do not wish to keep. Is Law opposed to Chaos, then, or to six different other possibilities?"

(He wishes he'd read more Moorcock.)

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"Chaos? As far as I know. If there are six other possibilities you don't need to know about them to stop the demons. Chaos is - anarchy and disobedience and so on. I assumed you were Lawful Evil because you, uh, look much more like a Lawful Evil outsider than like any other kind, and you accepted my deal, and you helped us."

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"And the question of Good versus Evil, and why some gods choose to identify as such? I claim myself Evil, but I count myself surprised that so many others do as well."

Not that he is evil, he suspects, but he certainly does claim it a lot.

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"Most people are Evil, my lord. Well, most mortals. I think outsiders end up shaped by wherever they are."

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"... And is there magic to simply detect Evilness, then, to prevent all mortals from claiming themselves as the true Good and their enemies as the only Evil?"

That... actually would explain quite a lot, really...

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"...yes?"

 

 

Wait, do they not have Detect Alignment most places? So everyone just goes around claiming to be whatever's convenient - probably Lawful Good? That must be such a bizarre world!!

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"Ah-hah," he says, like one more puzzle piece has just fit into place. "Well. I am impossible to destroy, as your former superiors discovered, and my fundamental objective is to learn your world's magic, combine it with my own, and mend those parts of your world that are distasteful to me, such as the parts where some organizations" (his voice is quiet with menace) "attempt to murder their benefactors. I would greatly appreciate knowing what the primary barriers to this will be."

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He's going to destroy Cheliax and kill everyone in it. 

 

 

 

She's really ...confused about what the Asmodean thing to do here is. Presumably if this Lawful Evil entity is stronger than Abrogail Thrune then it deserves to be in charge? But Abrogail Thrune is human, and wants girls to go to wizard schools and things like that which Carissa cares about. 

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Oh. 

 

 

It's obvious once you let yourself actually think. 

 


"Is the indestructibility something that can be conferred on people with your magic, my lord, or is it inherent to the kind of outsider you are?"

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"Inherent," he says. "Though this raises another issue that is worth discussing with you," quite calmly, "which is that in my own world's afterlife, all those who have summoned entities like myself become them upon death. I presume, however, that your world has its own afterlife, and do not know if this supplants it."

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"Everyone who can do a planar binding becomes your kind of outsider when they die? That's - a much better deal than we get offered, all told - well, everyone becomes a devil if they don't give up halfway through, but they might not get to be a really cool and powerful kind of devil, unless they're unusually not-pathetic. And being a fifth-circle wizard isn't nearly enough to be sure of that."

 

Deep breath. 

"You could probably get a lot of defections among Her Majesty's security, if you could offer them all that. Which will be helpful in our conquering Cheliax."

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"Oh, no doubt," he says. "At which point there would be a very large number of people with my powers and overwhelming arcane magic, none of whom have any interest in or allegiance to my cause." He pauses. "And I am less interested in conquering your nation than I am in establishing the precedent that people who betray me, or issue orders to betray me, will regret it. I would prefer if as few people who did not wrong me suffered in the progress as possible, of course; it is very important to make the incentives for not betraying you superior to the incentives for doing so."

And table "become a devil," though that sounds interesting.

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Grow up, Carissa, grow up faster, grow grow grow -

 

"Why aren't you interested in conquering Cheliax, just because ruling it would be boring? Because i am interested in conquering Cheliax, and ruling it, and I don't actually think there's some other way to make Abrogail Thrune regret picking a fight with you, nor to steer how many other people suffer from it."

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"Correct," he says with a laugh. "I have mine own duchy, of mine own loyalists," some of whom he probably ought to summon over, "and in it I am content. Adventure outside it may entertain me for a time, but the duty of guiding - hundreds of thousands? Millions? - of souls who despise me out of crushing poverty and into prosperity will, I suspect, stale before a decade is out, let alone a century." He shrugs. "And as for your own ambitions - tell me. What would the first six reforms you would implement as Queen of Cheliax be, and why are they necessary, and why has Her Majesty not yet carried them out?"

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"I have absolutely no idea, it isn't exactly a safe thing to come up with plans for if you don't end up acquainted with any powerful outsiders set on avenging themselves on Abrogail Thrune. But I like Cheliax and I don't think it should be ruled by someone who's bored of the place, even though if you're doing Evil right you can just ....not do the boring parts."

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"I agree that it should not be ruled by someone bored of it! This is why I do not intend to rule it."

He pauses.

"I would say that being Evil means I may do exactly what I choose to do, and I choose to do what entertains me, and it does not entertain me to do anything badly. To the extent that I desire to rule, I desire to rule well; faced with a choice of ruling badly or not ruling, I will find someone capable of passing power to and pass power over to them."

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Carissa is skeptical of this plan but it does not seem like a good idea to push terrifying outsider who has decided to overthrow Cheliax further.

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"At any rate. What are the major Powers in your world, who might have opinions on this plan should I commit to carrying it out?"

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"....probably all of the gods but especially Asmodeus and Iomedae, and all of the neighboring countries but especially Galt and Andoran and Rahadoum. It's ....something of a very big project. I am not sure there's a single major power who'd be uninvolved, if they see an opening."

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"Do go on," he says cordially. "Tell me about these gods and about these nations." So I can compare and contrast with all the information in all the libraries I picked up.

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Well, if she wants him to put her in charge of Cheliax instead of handing it off to some random charismatic noble who'll immediately kill Carissa, she'd better be ...impressively knowledgeable about geopolitics? She's at something of a disadvantage here what with how learning about geopolitics is illegal, but it makes sense that ending up in charge of Cheliax is the kind of task where you need to be really good even when you're starting with a disadvantage.

 

"Iomedae's the Lawful Good god of fighting Evil. She won't want Evil governing Cheliax, though you could maybe get her church to not attack you if it was a lesser Evil, or about the same amount of Evil as before, they're very busy. We're allied with them at the Worldwound but not at all in Cheliax, and in fact a big problem if there were an extended war would be that we'd pull back our soldiers from the Worldwound and then northern Avistan would be overrun. Cheliax would sooner not do that, obviously, but in a sufficiently great crisis Her Majesty might well judge that it hurts her opponents more than it hurts her. 

Iomedae is herself an ascended Chelish woman so I'm not sure She'd want to sack all the cities and salt all the fields and enslave everyone and make sure Cheliax is never important again? Probably She'd rather not, which makes Her better than most possible allies, I guess, though everyone's in Cheliax is Evil so She would want to do something about that and I have no idea what. 

Andoran would definitely love to sack all the cities and salt all the fields and they wouldn't even take any slaves because they are against slavery, so that seems like an unusually bad outcome for Cheliax. Taldor would just mean decades of civil war, probably, but at least they take slaves. Galt changes governments very frequently and I don't know much about what they do in conquered territory. Rahadoum bans all the gods and all their servants and I don't know what they do in conquered territory either. 

Asmodeus is the Lawful Evil god of Hell, and He'll try to stop anyone not compacted with Him from taking over Cheliax. If you're very powerful you can probably just solve that problem by compacting with Him and assuring Him He'll get more of His interests from you than from the Queen."

 

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The first idea he thinks of is, ridiculously, 'they cannot actually have the default as salting all the fields, because salt is expensive.' Grimdark fantasy universe, understood, wow. Maybe Carissa's wrong? Or lying to him really, really well? These both seem quite plausible, but he is indeed updating in the direction of 'this is an Evil versus Evil environment.'

"... Tell me more about Asmodeus," he says.

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"Asmodeus is the Lawful Evil god and the ruler of Hell. Lawful Evil people go to Hell when they die, where they are reformed into devils that serve Asmodeus. His domains are pride, tyranny, slavery, and contracts. House Thrune's compact with Hell means that Hell provides Cheliax with funds for wizard schools and things like that, in exchange for Asmodeus's Church having power in Cheliax. Asmodeus is one of the most ancient and most powerful gods, and Hell's the best afterlife because eventually Asmodeus is going to conquer the other ones.

You'd definitely lose if you fought Asmodeus but I don't expect you'll have to."

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Proselytization of other gods is banned in Cheliax, I take it?

Wait, no, it's theoretically possible that the fantasy world he's in actually is that grimdark. Eeugh. Either way, Carissa's giving him one side of the argumetn. For the other, he needs -

"Understood. In that case..."

He is going to toss her a (durable!) tablet that he had the lemon demon make for them, set to New Language New User Tutorial mode. "A tool to make you a better ally. It is a product of advanced engineering from my own world designed to store and manipulate information, and it has possesses the complete works of every library you named for me, crafted by the apsel you bound."

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She grabs it. She's fairly sleep-deprived at this point but that's not an excuse for not catching valuable objects tossed at you by your Evil???? overseer.

 

......welllll that explains where he was supposedly keeping the large number of books he was claiming to have. 

 

She holds it and stares at it. It doesn't appear magical at all.

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He will press the ON button and show her the very basics of how to get into the tutorial.

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Carissa is very unfamiliar with this magic system but she will figure it out very quickly and demonstrate that she isn't an idiot!

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Great! Then once he's given her the Extremely Short Tutorial on how to unlock the tutorial on the device, he can get started doing research on his own with some of the books from Absalom.

(He can also make comfortable chairs for them. His looks like an extremely evil throne; hers is based off of the ones in her fort, except with better ergonomics.)

What are some titles?

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An Estimate of the Religions of the Fashionable World

Biographical Memoirs of Extraordinary Painters

The Lady Amaranthe

An Address to Lord Sars Petersen, And His Ilk

The Travels of Hildebrand Bowman, Esquire, into Carnovirria, Taupiniera, Olfactaria, and Auditante; in the Island of Bonhommica, and in the Powerful Kingdom of Luxo-Volupto, on the Great Southern Continent

Life of Stavian II

Reflections Occasioned by the Galtan Revolution

Groster Village

A Tale Of Kings, the 45th part

The Law of Absalom

Columella

On The Rights Of Speaking Beasts

Peace and Union Recommended to the Associated Bodies of Republicans and Anti-Republicans

Thoughts and Sentiments on the Evil and Wicked Traffic of the Slavery and Commerce of Peoples

An Exhaustive History of the Decline and Fall of the Western Empire

Some Historical Account of Holomog

In Favor Of The Garundi Institution of Plural Marriage

An Essay On The Population of Osirion

A View of Society in Avistan

Two Letters On the Trade of the Inner Sea


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... Well, he did ask for that. He supposes that Reflections Occasioned by the Galtan Revolution, The Law of Absalom, A View of Society in Avistan and Two Letters On The Trade of the Inner Sea are most likely to be what he's looking for, but he's not optimistic. He'll try to see if he can pick up anything for a quick skim of those four (a daunting task) and then check if there's a map of the world (of the continent?) anywhere and if encyclopedias have been invented yet, and, if not, if there's an Introductory Guide to the Gods anywhere.

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The Reflections Occasioned By The Galtan Revolution include that they were completely right to kill lots of technically innocent people, they were doing it with magic soul-trapping blades so those people won't go to Hell which is what really matters. 

 

The Law Of Absalom is mostly hyperspecific about which kinds of magical experiments you are and aren't permitted to perform within city limits and how tariffs are imposed, though there is also a section on banned gods (Lamashtu, Urgathoa, Lao Shu Po, Rovagug). 

 

A View of Society in Avistan mostly tracks intermarried noble families, which are numerous and quite diligently intermarried; before Cheliax's last dynasty was killed in the civil war occasioned by Aroden's death, their King had cousins on most of Avistan's thrones. 

 

On The Trade of the Inner Sea is mostly about various merchant voyages and trading houses, though there's also an angry section about the disruptions caused by pirates with the tacit support of the irresponsible Andoran government, more concerned with cleansing their immortal souls of their own sins than with the lives and livelihoods of those their pirates harass.

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Oh-kay then. Right. Understood. Hell is bad news, but not quite bad enough that Absalom bans it.

... Maps? Encyclopedias? Baby's First Guide To The Gods?

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There are maps! There are encyclopedias of demons and of magical beasts and of 'monsters'. There's holy books for Iomedae and Cayden Cailean and Norgorber and Sarenrae and Abadar and Asmodeus and Shizuru and Calistria.

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Maps: Great! He'll turn some air into a copy of one of the maps so he can look at it while he reads.

What do the holy books for these gods say?

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Iomedae is extremely down on Hell, because of all of the torture, and Abaddon, because of all of the industrial farming of humans to eat their souls and deny them eternal life, and the Abyss because it's a bloody, miserable, backstabbing nightmare. She thinks the forces of not-that should unite and end that, and then deal with all the comparatively minor problems that remain at that point. 

 

As a mortal, she founded a knightly order and did a fairly absurd number of heroic deeds in uniting the nations of Avistan in a holy crusade to seal away Tar-Baphon, an ancient lich. She was a paladin of Aroden, an ascended human god who is now dead. 

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Cayden Cailean thinks that most people might think of being a big hero as something that happens to other people, people in stories, or people who spend their lives jostling and striving for power and get it by becoming the kind of person who jostles and strives for it. However, the way to become a big hero is to notice a problem and do something about it because someone has to and you're someone. 

If you get a taste for it, then, sure, at that point you can go out looking. But the point is that everyone, whether they're looking or not, might find themselves face to face with someone else's entire life and future, or with a threat to everything they care about, and the question is, do you try to do stuff, or do you not.

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Norgorber appears to be the god of thieves, assassins, and organized crime. 

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The holy book of Asmodeanism is a detailed and vicious explanation of the intrinsic contemptibility and worthlessness of humans, of how utterly they deserve Hell and of how they will burn there. 

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Well, Norgorber sounds boring, and Cayden Cailean is, you know, completely correct that he's just stumbled into noticing a problem and solving it, but he's just doing it because it's a lot of fun and he doesn't like being pushed around. Iomedae seems pretty sane, if you want to devote your life to the thankless task of making the world a better place, which he does not.

Asmodeus, he would rather like to crush. He may not be able to, but he would like to.

Any descriptions in these books of how to contact these gods and their followers and/or why contacting them is a very, very bad idea and/or why you should absolutely not trust That God Over There? Also, what about those other three gods? Also also, how long has it been, does he need to check up on Carissa, does she need help with anything? He did have a couple Refrigerators Of Food appear and he can make more if she needs it.

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Carissa was not planning to eat, or go back to sleep what with how she was interrupted less than an hour into it, without permission. She was told to read so she's doing that. 

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Sometimes gods will answers prayers but they won't usually do that. 

 

Sarenrae is associated with redemption and the sun. Her church seems in favor of feeding the hungry, tending the sick, healing the wounded, redeeming the evil, being kind to people, and opposed to divorce, alcohol, gambling, and prostitution on the grounds that they make peoples' lives miserable. 


Abadar cares about mutually beneficial trade and those institutions which enable it. He's a god of merchants and commerce and His priests rule Osirion, where they intend to demonstrate the merit of His teachings by making Osirion prosperous. 

Calistria is the goddess of women and vengence. Her churches shelter victims of domestic violence and provide abortions, among other things. 

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He does not know that! Unless she starts looking really tired or heroically stifles any yawns or anything!

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... Right, so he can pray in an emergency. This is not actually an emergency, so.

Sarenrae and Abadar seem boring, and Calistria probably would have appealed to him when he was twenty, but he is a mature and reasonable adult who only decides to take vengeance on a nation because he has nothing more exciting to do.

The Good gods do indeed seem Good, according to their own propaganda? Can he find any holy books that are talking about how stupid and horrible the gods from the other holy books are, or describing them carrying out actions that differ with what Carissa told him they'd do if they took over Cheliax?

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No such indications! She's not a child!

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The Good gods do, by their own propaganda, seem to be good. What they do in war is somewhat unclear from their holy books; at least one time Sarenrae smote a city that'd been corrupted by Rovagug? Iomedae's war had very high casualties but the enemies were mostly undead, who, everyone seems to agree, it is fine to kill. 

Iomedae's holy book has a long denunciation of Asmodeus over all the torture, if that's what he's looking for?

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That is the sort of thing he's looking for! Does Asmodeus have one about Iomedae?

... Probably, the sensible thing to do is just going to be showing up in Absalom and talking to people. For which the next question is if he can find anything on planar travel spells or the Elemental Plane of Fire!

 

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Asmodeus does not deign to acknowledge Iomedae besides noting that the "Good" gods are all ineffectual, weak and doomed. 

 

Plane Shift is fifth circle cleric seventh circle wizard!

 


The Elemental Plane of Fire is very big, maybe infinite, and mostly fire, though it does have a few settlements, most famously the City of Brass, which is in the plane ...somewhere. 

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That does "fifth circle cleric seventh circle wizard?" mean?

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Wizards know a seventh-circle spell structure for it; clerics get it at fifth circle. 

 

(This book is not a textbook on the basics of wizardry.)

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"Excuse me, guide of mine, I require an explanation as to how spellcasting works for the mortals of Golarion, in particular what a 'spell circle' is."

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"More complex spells, which are generally more powerful, require more skill as a wizard to prepare and cast. 'spell circle' is a description of the physical structure of the spell. The most complicated known stable spells are ninth circle."

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"And how rare are spellcasters who can cast Plane Shift, and do you expect most cities in the Elemental Plane of Fire will have someone willing to sell a casting thereof, either cleric or wizard?"

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"There's probably a few dozen clerics of fifth circle or higher in Cheliax, my lord, and... I don't know how many wizards, we don't publish those numbers. More than five. Probably not twenty."

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"And you don't know how the statistics for the Elemental Plane of Fire differ?" An amused eyebrow-raise, at how ridiculous a test the situation has made him give her.

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"....I think there for the most part aren't humans in the Elemental Plane of Fire. Fire elementals can't plane shift."

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Fire elementals. Cool! "And cannot be clerics or wizards?"

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" - well, I don't know. I don't think they're smart enough to be wizards. I suppose they could be clerics, but I've never heard of fire elemental clerics."

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He nods. "Understood. Then the known methods of leaving by your world's magic would be 'track down humans capable of casting Plane Shift presently on the Elemental Plane of Fire,' and contacting someone outside the plane who could provide us with an evacuation?"

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"Or die. ...I'd prefer not to die, just being complete."

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"I do not plan for either of us to die this century," he says calmly. "So, how many people can Plane Shift transport at once, and do you know of any places on the Elemental Plane of Fire where we could expect to purchase a Plane Shift spell?" The book mentioned the City of Brass, and he can use that to test her.

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"Eight, if they're human-sized - you probably count. I've never been to the Elemental Plane of Fire but, uh, if you're going by what drunk adventurers say when they're bragging, there's a city of genies that sells all kinds of wonders, called Fommok Madinah, or the City of Brass. 

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He nods. Then the most sensible thing to do would be to start calling in reinforcements... they'll all be tied to Carissa, which is a vulnerability, but - obvious logical chain - 

"Fascinating. Then my next question is, what are the magical defenses against thought detection?"

He might or might not be immune, Carissa is clearly not immune, he can't tell Carissa that he'll be banished if she dies if an enemy might read her mind and discover it -

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"MInd Blank but it's eighth circle. There might be items of it but they'd be one-off unique items, not something you find in a shop. It's possible there's a lower-circle spell suppressed in Cheliax, they wouldn't want people to know one, but I bet not."

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Unfortunate. "Any mundane defenses?"

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" - well, Detect Thoughts is a divination so like all divinations it's blocked by a foot of stone, an inch of metal, or a thin layer of lead. I know that works if you're in a box, I don't think it works for humans wearing metal suits of armor but a human couldn't wear a sufficiently thick suit of armor, and perhaps you could."

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"From the target's body or the target's mind?" he asks casually.

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"Not sure. I can check once I've slept, if you'd like."

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"Slept?"

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"My lord, I still need to sleep to prepare spells. At some point even if you don't want me to prepare spells I'll need to sleep just as to not be a blithering idiot."

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"- Ah. That was my failure; I have not needed sleep for a long, long time. If sleep would serve you, take it."

And he'll make her a bedroom in one corner of the airplane, with a bed and sheets and blankets and pillows and various sundries suitable for the 22nd century.

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....Carissa is suspicious of how soft those objects are. Is he trying to suffocate her or something. Is that really how nobles sleep???

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Don't be difficult. "Thank you, my lord," she says, and goes over to the bed to -

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- panic over whether he'll read something into her taking off her clothes in front of him and whether he'll read something else into her trying to conceal herself from him - but she can't just flop onto the ridiculous fluffy noble pillowed bed in her uniform which is Prestidigitated clear of most of the ash and blood but still not, you know, clean -

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Wow, the sleep deprivation must be really getting to her, this isn't a reasonable thing to panic about. If he likes the view, so much the better for her life expectancy; if he doesn't, he can put up more walls, which he can apparently do at will. 

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Carissa will take off her clothes and crawl into her pillowed bed and fall asleep immediately.

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He'll make her walls and a door as soon as the bed is done, really. And more clothes for the morning, copies of hers except with better materials.

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She would draw inferences from this except she is too tired and shortly after that too asleep.

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And Sandy will read! He will read lots and lots and lots of books about this world to try and get more information. Histories! Books of common spells! Books of magic items! Books about the gods!

He'll also consider his plans. The obvious solution is to summon another demon, ask for a map from his current location to the City of Brass, then summon a fairy to take him there with his complete circle, since a fairy he can pay in cookies. This has the problem that he very much dislikes risking Carissa's life and his presence in this world, especially since it has a horrible afterlife. 

What he ought to do is to summon his five most trusted angels, unbound, so they have the sixth slot available if they need it. He probably should have done this before Carissa slept, and he should almost certainly do it in the morning.

(Should he wake her to do it now? No, he doesn't think so; he depends on her extensively, right now. Also he's very grateful.)

... Should he pray to any god, tonight?

He's really not convinced there's any god where he's on that god's side, is the thing. He supposes he could do the boring thing and pray to Iomedae, since a lot of the sources say she's sort of basically reasonable, but he is fundamentally not someone who is willing to work on things he doesn't care about, and he doesn't so much care about defeating evil as he does about not being pushed around, and frankly he expects that there isn't a God Of Not Being Pushed Around, or, if there is, that's a god who is unwilling to support someone who pushes others.

He'll do some more reading, at least, first.

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Carissa wakes up from a dream of drowning and realizes immediately she is only drowning in that this bed is pillowed. 

 

...where's her lord and what is he doing.

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He's on his throne in the main section of the aircraft, and he's looking at a tablet screen with lots of fiction on it and occasionally flipping buttons or increasing the caffeine level of his bloodstream.

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...okay. 

 

She'll get dressed and come out, then, and be visible but not interrupt him.

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"Ah, Carissa, good morning. Apparently the other worlds of your solar system are inhabited?"

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...he says it like it's surprising. Carissa's experience of the universe has been that life thrives absolutely everywhere, including in the Abyss and the Elemental Plane of Fire and so on. It's one of the beautiful things about it. "....yes, they've got their own kinds of people."

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"Fascinating," he says.

"Since I expect to be here for the next century or so, I have decided to call here a selection of my own clients. I will need you to summon them; it will not be as dangerous as the previous summoning, since they have already been carefully selected for loyalty."

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"Yes, my lord." Carissa is so curious what she's doing when she does his kind of summoning. She can't see the magic. Is she being a focus for the spell? In what sense is is dangerous? 

 

She doesn't expect the Duke to answer these questions, of course, so she doesn't ask them.

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She could just ask them! He's not that scary!

But he will reshape a variant of last night's circle with slightly different (i.e. almost nonexistent) bindings and a specific name, with all the same flash and smoke he did then, and leave it to Carissa to complete.

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He's pretty scary!!!! He obviously wants her alive, but, well, it's not actually hard to keep a fifth-circle wizard alive. The niceness might well be contingent. 

 

And there's still that third favor. 

 

She completes the circle for him. 

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What appears is an arrogantly handsome man a couple inches shorter than Duke Sikandros, a pure contrast in shades of milk-white and night-black. He has white hair with a black streak in it and silver angelic wings and a sadistic smile and is wearing precise, neat 19th-century men's formal dress, except for the sword at his side, similar in design to Sikandros's. His eyes are black and both ears are pierced with rubies, the sole specks of color on him.

When he sees Sikandros his smile vanishes and he goes to one knee inside the circle.

"My lord," he says, in a language Carissa does not speak.

"Lucan." Sikandros grins under his helmet. "An unprecedented chance has fallen into our laps." (He's speaking the same language.) "The very one we have hoped for, that was beyond all possibility of success."

His eyes flash to Carissa, then back to Sikandros, who gives an imperceptible nod.

"They have learnable magic, evil gods, and additional inhabited planes, one of which they may believe they have trapped me on. They also have an afterlife that is, in fact, Hell, and could do with a change of management. There is a complete summary on this USB drive. I want five volunteers and I want them to be you, Pala, Mendax, d'Acier and Lorcain. Put Vortimer in as a backup and alert Proster if two of five will not serve."

Lucan can't help breaking into a grin. "Yes, my lord."

"You'll have two hours to prepare before I call you here. Bring everything you'll need; it may be a long trip."

And, to Carissa, in Avistani, "I call him to raise my host. Offer to exchange him this device -" he hands it to her "- for a moment of his time, then dismiss him. I will call them when they are mustered."

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Carissa is even more terrified, even though obviously the Duke wouldn't be a Duke if he didn't have very-terrifying underlings. "I offer you this device I was handed and now hold for a moment of your time," she says, and gives it to him, and then closes her eyes to wish him gone.

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She can do that and he will be gone!

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Everyone's going to be speaking a language Carissa doesn't speak for the rest of her life and it's going to be very stressful. 

 

This is really not the time to be worrying about the rest of her life. 

 

"By your leave, my lord, I should breakfast, and prepare spells if you might have use of them."

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"An excellent idea." They have food! "If there is anything you need, Lucan is my usual cook, but I expect I can craft whatever you need today."

He pauses. "Do you have a complete list of spells you might choose to prepare?"

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"At first circle I have weather-endurance and armor and an alarm and the spell that protects my spellbook and healing and a simple illusion, my lord. At second I have mindreading and energy resistance and pain delay, and build a pocket dimension to sleep in, and the enhancement spells - Bull's Strength, Cat's Grace, Eagle's Splendour, Owl's Wisdom, Fox's Cunning, Bear's Endurance. At third I have haste and heroism, and dispelling, and flight, and conjuring a phantom horse for someone to ride, and speaking tongues, and inflicting pain, and energy absorption, and of course Fireball. At fourth I have the ability to sow confusion, and Dimension Door, and summon construct-creatures, and, uh, make someone be slowly consumed alive by worms, and I can cast Stoneskin but don't have the diamond dust.

At fifth I just have Planar Binding and I'm not entirely sure I even have that, since it seems that beings of your plane are summoned differently."

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"Enhancement spells," he says calmly.

He's sure he must have run into them.

"You mean to say you can make people more wise and cunning?" He can make himself more intelligent, in a sense; he can abuse drugs for focus and for mental speed without damaging his brain. But that's not quite the same thing, is it...

Also various other things, but she can make people smarter?

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Is that anger? She still can't read him anywhere near as well as you need to be able to read someone who holds your life in their hands. "Yes, my lord."

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Yes, probably! Not necessarily endorsed anger, but probably a little anger, yup!

"That sounds exceptionally useful. How many second-circle spells can you cast in a day? How many third- and fourth-? And do you think that weather-endurance will suffice for the heat of the City of Brass, or will you need to use a second- or third- circle spell to shield yourself from it? It would be simpler if I did not have to protect you, though of course I can if it proves necessary."

It's just that "protecting her" would mean "bringing her in a climate-controlled airship," and while his plan was indeed to turn this plane into a full-scale flying castle once his team showed up, it would be more convenient if his native guide could survive outside of it.

"Oh, and I can provide diamond dust," he says casually. "You should not worry about conventional materials."

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"Endure Elements isn't sufficient for the Elemental Plane of Fire, no, though with Resist Fire and a source of air I won't die." She will still experience being in a furnace, just without the burning to death about it, but that's how it goes sometimes. "I can hang four second-circle and four third-circle spells in a day, and three fourth-circle."

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"And how long will the spells last, and can you make higher-circle spells serve the purpose of lower?"

And he pauses.

"... And what, pray tell, construct-creatures can you summon?"

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"Durations are unique to the spell and my ability with it. I can build more second-circle spells at the expense of third-circle and fourth-circle ones. I can summon, uh, a lion or a rhinoceros or a bunch of crocodiles - they don't last long, they're mostly useful for a single engagement." 

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"Ah." He nods. "Then the key questions are the durations of your temperature management, mental enhancement, and translation spells - unless you think that we will be so fortunate that the population of the City of Brass will speak Avistani?" There's a slight amused 'that won't actually happen, right?' on the last part of it. (And he is quietly hoping to use this as a test of 'if he's being an idiot, will she tell him?' in a fairly checkable way.)

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Is he mocking her? Probably. Fair enough, really. "There's something of a trade language among fire elementals but I don't speak it and it's, uh, definitely not Avistani. Resist Fire will last about an hour and a half, as will Tongues; the enhancement spells will last eight or nine minutes."

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No, see, he's mocking the setting designers.

"Understood, then. So, Carissa Sevar," he says, "from your experience with major cities - and the rumors you have heard of the City of Brass - would you expect we could complete our negotiations for a Plane Shift to your world within an hour and a half, and how confident would you be in this expectation, for yea or for nay?"

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"If you have whatever money they use, or can - build forts for them or something  - then it shouldn't take long at all. You'll need a tuning fork for the Material, as well, but probably they sell that too."

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He nods. "I can make any substance that is made of matter," he says calmly. "What that might be found by an outsider not an otherworld Duke that they would most value?"

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What, just, Greater Polymorph at will? Polymorph Any Object at will???

 

 

How?????


"I expect they'll accept diamonds, my lord, or spellsilver."

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"Diamonds translates," he says, and forms a medium-sized (by his standards, fairly large by Golarion's, if not the Koh-i-Noor) diamond in his palm out of the air around him, then hands it to her. "Spellsilver does not; do you have any on you?"

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" - I don't have any on me. I usually wear a headband that has some in it, but, uh, during the fighting I melted it down to make a couple of Greater Slaying arrows to kill a couple of the demons we thought might be producing the Dimension Lock effect. - they weren't."

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"Understandable," he says, nodding. "Perhaps you can describe it to me; should that not suffice, you can identify it when we visit the City of Brass." He considers a moment. "What form would diamond be least obtrusive in?"

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"...this form is fine. Do you know if the diamonds can be used for spells - Polymorphed ones usually can't - of course, you don't have to tell whoever you're selling, but we'll have to make a very quick exit if we're selling defective diamonds..."

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"I have no intention of beginning my career on this plane with petty fraud," he says. "You can test them in one of your spells; do you have anything simpler than Stoneskin that requires them?"

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"Stoneskin is the only spell I know that requires diamond dust."

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"How much, by weight?"

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"A pinch. ...maybe ten or twelve tiny fine crystals?"

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He'll make the amount of diamond Carissa needs, again crystalizing it out of the air.

"So, spells to prepare. One stone-skin spell and one thought detection spell for research purposes; then for the sake of redundancy, four spells of translation two of Fire Resistance to navigate the City of Brass? What is there that you will need that I, in my ignorance of this world, am not considering?"

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"...I'd like another headband, and it'll permit me to prepare more spells. We probably want scrolls of Mage's Private Sanctum, if they sell it, so Cheliax can't observe you. We might be able to purchase scrolls of other spells you want me to know."

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"... About spell preparation," he says quietly, amused. "Understood. Is the City of Brass so much of a better place to shop than Absalom, then, or does Chelish spying fail less often on distant planes?"

And she can learn spells from scrolls, understood.

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"I don't know what is available in the City of Brass, but it'd be much easier for Cheliax to ambush us in Absalom, so it'd be better if we can ensure they don't learn we arrived there by having antiscrying before we leave."

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He nods. "Then I will - trust - in your wisdom." 'And you will die horribly if you betray me, is the connotations of the sentence, totally unspoken, yet he is somehow confident that Carissa knows them for reasons that have nothing to do with them being the cliche villain line to use here, except indirectly.

Now is she going to tell him what spells she expects to need to cast?

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Carissa is completely clear on how she will die horribly if she betrays him! However she does not know him to be waiting for an answer about spells. He told her what to prepare, so she's going to do that. 

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... "Carissa," he will say, since his request did not go through, "what spells do you expect to need to prepare for the City of Brass?"

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.....shit. She definitely interpreted something wrong. Mysteriously she is still not on fire. 

 

"You commanded me prepare fire resistance and Tongues, my lord. Ideally I'd also have Planar Adaptation, or at least Air Bubble, but I don't know either, and no other spell I do know would be of substantial assistance."

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- "You can't breathe in the Elemental Plane of Fire, even with resistance to heat?"

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"In most places outside my own world, my lord, the air, even if it will not burn me, does not contain the air that sustains a mortal."

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... "I see," he says. "Understood. Then I'll need to navigate the City of Brass without your personal presence. Do you have any spells for two-way long distance communication?"

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"Sending permits one twenty-five word message and a response of the same length."

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"What circle?"

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"Fourth."

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And then he starts laughing, a deep, rolling evil laugh. "Then I am afraid, Carissa Sevar, that my own world has the advantage over yours in this plane." Can he in fact synthesize a working walkie-talkie himself out of the knowledge in his head? No, he's never been an electrical engineer. Is he about to summon an elite, well-chosen group of specialists who have spent the past hundred years or more desperately wishing they were summoned into a situation where they could be protagonists? Yes. "We have devices of our own for the purpose, and your spells will not be required for this today. Only three Tongues, then, one for me, one for if you need to refresh the spell on me, one in reserve for unforeseen circumstances, if I will be doing my own negotiating; only one Resist Fire, in case you need it. One Stone-skin and one thought detection, and is there anything else you can imagine more important than bolstering intelligence and wisdom?"

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"Some people would argue you want Splendour for negotiations." Carissa is personally partial to intelligence but then she's a wizard, not a Duke.

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"... Mmm, perhaps. Does it also assist with the instinct for the well-placed word, or is it sheer glorification that it enhances?"

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"It helps with - saying at once what you'd otherwise have thought of to say only later."

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He nods. "For any goal?"

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Is that a trick question? Probably no spell helps with any goal? It's nonspecific, though, it doesn't just make you more diplomatic -

 

He must think she is a fairly extraordinary idiot. "The benefits of the spell are fairly general, like for other enhancement spells, my lord."

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He nods. "And the difference between Wisdom and Intelligence?"

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"Wisdom is better for noticing if someone is lying to you, noticing if your situation is dangerous, not being moved to stupid actions in a difficult combat situation, weighing conflicting advice. Intelligence is better for thinking of something you've never thought of before, preparing spells, quickly evaluating lots of options..."

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"So, then. For research, one thought detection, one Stoneskin, one Intelligence, and one Wisdom, so I can understand how they function before I am placed under them in a moment of crisis; for emergencies, one fire resistance and two translation. For the event itself, one Splendor, one Wisdom, one Cunning and one translation, and the first-level spells are yours for whatever emergencies you face. Do you see any mistakes I am making or improvements in this plan to be had? I assure you, greater success means greater odds of providing you with magical items weighed by the ton."

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"With Tongues you'll be able to speak but not read, my lord; the ability to read arbitrary languages I cannot give you. I am not in possession of means by which to report to your subordinates if it seems to me that something has gone wrong; I'd need a name and short description, for Sending."

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He nods. "Understood. I can have a machine to allow you to read over my shoulder, while you are safe, and I can maintain contact with them as well as with you."

He pauses. "My plan for today, then:

"You will prepare spells while my subordinates in Heaven* ready themselves for the campaign, then summon their force.

"We will hold full a full strategy meeting to discuss the possibilities of this world, partway through you will use mental enhancement spells on me, and, if you have sufficient, on yourself.

"They will expand this airship into an appropriate vessel for us to use until we are ready to leave this realm, while we carry out investigations in Stoneskin, thought-detection, and mental enhancement.

"I will equip you and myself with various wonders from my world, with which you can maintain communication with and sight upon me while I shop, and so read over my shoulder and advise me, when I make the journey.

"We will carry out two more summons, of an Apsel to conjure the path to the City of Brass and a Traveler to instantaneously bear this ship along it."

"We will travel to the City of Brass. There you will cast spells on me, then remain on the ship with three of my retainers, while I and two others carry out a massive shopping trip of magical items and spell scrolls funded by diamonds and (should it be possible to craft) spellsilver, or of lesser metals if neither spellsilver nor diamonds can be crafted by my powers."

"Once this is complete, we will and there purchase a Plane Shift to Absalom, there to begin meeting potential allies, summon more of my men, and prepare for the continuation of the conflict." 

"All this we will want to discuss this in more detail, after the summoning is complete.

"Known undecided questions: Which items should I seek out to strengthen our powers and to provide us with protection; how can I identify these items as true instead of fraudulent, whether or not it worth waiting until tomorrow before we travel for the chance to prepare a second round of spells or should we depart this afternoon, and is there a better place to go than Absalom."

(*: A deliberate loan-word from an Angelic language, not to be confused with the Avistani word for the Lawful Good afterlife.)

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Now that it's more concrete she's having some feelings about Cheliax being conquered. Stupid of her. They all go to Hell either way. 

 

"I can tell the difference between a real magic item and a cursed one, even if they've tried to conceal it, no one really tries very hard to conceal the working of their magic item from a moderately competent spellcaster. That would require me to look at them and ideally touch them, but you could test a vendor's reliability with a small purchase and then buy more from them if they don't seem to be cheating you. They may be selling permanent mental and physical enhancements in the forms of belts and headbands, and they may be selling items that provide spell resistance. They'll sell slaves, they'll sell spells. I don't know what else they might sell that you might want, I've only heard of the place in legend. 

It seems probable that once Cheliax scries us and notices you've called in reinforcements they'll do something about it, so I'd not plan on a day of waiting. 

If you mean to invade Cheliax you might want to land somewhere that'll ally with you in that instead of Absalom. Vigil or Oppara or somewhere. They're worse for shopping but they would be pleased by your plans."

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He nods. "What are the known ways to protect against scrying? Does an inch of metal or thin layer of lead stop it the way it does thought detection?"

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"The scrying sensor can't see through metal or lead any more than any other divination, though if they drop a scrying sensor in here it'll be able to see other things in the same room fine. If you go around encased in an inch of metal I think that'd make you unscryable though I have never heard of that being tried."

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He nods, and focuses a moment. (To the eye, his armor ripples slightly, becoming slightly thicker; in fact, he's adding a thin layer of lead inside tungsten-steel coating to prevent poisoning, spreading it to cover his body, and then declaring it no longer a part of his body.) "Are there places a scrying sensor can't be placed?"

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"It needs open air, but not very much of it."

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"Tell me, how does the spell define 'open?'. Can a scrying sensor be placed underwater?"

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"...I think so? Not inside something solid, though."

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He nods. So much for the simple solution. "About how much empty space does it need? And what circle of spell is it?" This latter question is, of course, "can we get you the ability to experiment with it."

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"Fourth. A scrying sensor is a thumbs-width across."

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"And how close to the target will the scrying-sensor form?" He considers. "And what are legitimate targets for scrying?"

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"You can only scry people, preferably ones you've met or have a possession of, but it's sometimes possible just off a description of them. The scrying sensor appears in the air within two to five feet of the target, within the same room as them." Is he going to encase her in some kind of horrifying immobilizing metal mesh to make her unscryable. This is eminently reasonable and also terrifying.

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Carissa's got it! "If it must begin at least two feet away," he says, "I could construct a network of spiderweb-threads near you while you prepare spells - they would need have no more strength than cobwebs, and they could still be broken at need, but it would block scrying until we can do our divination experiments." Possibly involving light, mobile armor made out of extremely dense metals. "Or would you need more mobility to do your preparations?"

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"I think if it's cobweb-thin it might not block divination in the right way but a sort of fabric of lead would probably do it while being breathable." In case he's forgotten again that she needs to breathe. "Two feet is definitely enough space, but I don't know for a fact the sensor can't be closer if the proper space is blocked. I'd need at least a couple inches range of motion to prepare spells, but after that you could do it right up to the skin."

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"Lead is poisonous to humans," he says. "Perhaps gold will suffice. Either way, though, there will be little time between your preparation of spells and testing what can block Detect Thoughts." He considers. "Does Tongues, or do any similar spells, work over a scry?"

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"If it's an unusually high-quality scry, you can use Message across it, and if the person on the other end has Tongues it'll aid in interpretation of the Message. We could use that for distance communications, except I don't know scrying and if I did learn I certainly wouldn't have high-quality scries from the start."

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Carissa keeps not having known him for most of a century, it's very annoying. "If we are speaking in a language they do not comprehend except through wizardry, can they understand us through a scrying sensor?"

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"It's possible but difficult to make Tongues function through a scry."

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He nods. "Understood."

Anything else to bring up before spell preparation?

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Carissa would in fact bring things up if she had any, she has noticed that he would prefer that, but she has absolutely no idea what the City of Brass might have on offer. In stories it contains mostly beautiful slaves and Wishes and genies and cursed jewelry that burns the bearer forever, even on into Hell.

 

She'll start preparing spells, then?

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Yup! And he can surround her with a network of extremely fragile gold mesh, leaving her with enough room to wiggle and prepare her spells, and then go back to research and his briefing.

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What a completely absurd powerset. She would previously have asserted that maybe Nex could do that but probably you'd have to be a god. 

 

The gold mesh is not painful or constraining. She'd really appreciate all this unsolicited considerateness if she wasn't waiting for the other shoe to drop; no Duke is in a generous mood forever. 

 

 

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To outside observers, Carissa preparing her spells doesn't look like much of anything; occasionally like she's trying to thread a needle or ease a bead down a wire in the air. She looks content and at peace. 

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She's not able to manage a fifth-circle Planar Binding once she's done all her required spells for the day, but that's not very surprising as you often struggle to hang spells immediately after reaching a new circle. 

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He's glad she got the chance to hang out and enjoy herself! 

Next step: Calling reinforcements. He and his SFX can recreate the circle.

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It has occurred to Carissa to wonder whether, seeing as this is the manner in which she presumably somehow accidentally summoned the Duke, she could send him home by concentrating for one minute. It's her last chance, if so; after this there'll be several of them around, and she could only get one before being noticed and disabled. 

 

She would then be stranded in the Elemental Plane of Fire. She does not try it. 

 

She draws the circle.

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And Lucan reappears! He's wearing an extremely massive backpack and some kind of heavy set of straps from which mysterious objects dangle over his uniform, all of it precisely matching his monochromatic color scheme.

"All is as you desired, my lord," says Lucan, after a brief hesitation. "The four you requested stand by to be summoned."

(He briefly hesitates because Sikandros has drawn on the wall behind Carissa, in Chinese characters designed to look like purely artistic and decorative etching, something that roughly translates to "We might be watched - verbal translation maybe, textual unlikely, Avistani certainly.")

And Sikandros hands Carissa the deal she's supposed to read, which says that she has called him here to loyally serve Sikandros provided it is the uncompelled will of Lucan for the next hundred and one years, in exchange for this service and for his standard pay.

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Why would you include 'provided it is his uncompelled will' in a contract, what kind of contract even is that - maybe it's a security measure of some kind so that the compact is broken if he's Dominated? And the Duke's just very sure that this one won't be bought? Or can't? You can't bribe devils to betray Asmodeus; maybe it's like that. But Asmodeus still wouldn't have a 'provided it is your uncompelled will' clause in his contracts, it undermines the entire point. 

 

 

What if the people who conquer Cheliax are insane and will do insane people things and run the country into the ground.

 

She reads the deal.

 

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(It's to stop Carissa from banishing him with the contract incomplete, actually.)

And then it is time to summon the rest of them. Pala Lehali, tall and bright with golden eyes and translucent, gilded wings; the sword at her side is long and her eyes are sharp and she's wearing something that resembles 16th-century English men's clothing in shades of black and gold, and every step she takes is - confident and firm and inspiring, and she gives a confident nod to Carissa when summoned, like she's an equal. Mendax looks vaguely like artistic depictions of Mephistopheles, except more square-faced; red-skinned with spiky wings and a neat chin beard and elaborate plates of black armor that fails to cover his head, amused by every event that occurs, with a viciously curved saber by his side. d'Acier's red and gold armor (vaguely Roman in design) is made even more sinister by the black designs etched onto it; her angelic wings are armored, too, looking almost like plates of bone, and everything she does seems - sharp, deliberate, unstoppable. Lorcain looks vaguely elven, barring the feathered wings and the elongated canines and the extra digit on the fingers of each of his hands; his moves are confident and predatory, like he might leap on any flinch. 

All of them have wings, all of them have swords, all of them have massive backpacks, and all of them take the knee before Sikandros.

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Since her life may depend on it, Carissa is trying to rapidly form impressions of the Duke's trusted followers. Lucan is the one he contacted first, perhaps the most trusted but possibly just the one who could be expected to promptly answer a summons and to be able to fetch the others -- or possibly for his movements to be undetected, if the Duke fears spies even in the seat of his power in some secret other dimension. 

Lehali seems like someone who probably wouldn't hurt you for fun, at least not in front of other people, as it'd get in the way of her vague air of paladin-ness.  Mendax looks like someone who absolutely would hurt you for fun and consider it entirely your own fault if you managed to die of it. The best strategy there is generally to be extremely not-fun to hurt, because you are obedient and boring and don't cry or beg at all. d'Acier seems like someone who'd be annoyed that her time had to be wasted on torturing you and would like Mendax to be less easily bored with his victims so she could just delegate all the tedious torturing to him. Lorcain seems like someone who will notice if you are afraid of him, and enjoy it, which sits inconveniently with trying to be as obedient and boring as possible so Mendax doesn't want to bother with her; people who want you to be afraid of them will sometimes decide if you are being obedient and boring you clearly aren't scared enough. 

He probably won't kill her about it, though. Dead people aren't scared at all. 

 

When she's summoned them all she does not rise from drawing the last circle, and remains there, still and quiet, in case there is any informative interaction between them and Duke Sikandros for her to witness. 

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"Rise," says Sikandros. "Carissa. Lucan, Pala Lehali, Mendax, d'Acier, Lorcain..."

Brief introductions (all of them are polite and menacing - Lucan polite and stiffly formal while definitely looking like he'd like to torture Carissa, Lehali friendly, which is menacing if you're from Cheliax, Mendax rather distracted and d'Acier as if he has things she'd rather do, and Lorcain brief and informal) and then it's time for them to get to work! Lehali and Lorcain will begin on the inside, carving up the large body of the ship into multiple rooms (all of which rooms' walls, Carissa probably will not notice, have lead cores) while Mendax and d'Acier will drop off their backpacks, step next to the wall, begin creating a shell of a wall around them, and then, then pass out through the hull of the ship into the fire outside, "closing" the bubble behind them as they go, while Lucan adds more of the golden mesh everywhere people don't need to be.

Lucan also hands Sikandros a small plastic device resembling the tablet he gave her, which Sikandros will read, chuckling softly.

(It consists of the bullet points from the team's research into the libraries they studied, including a list of all other libraries mentioned in any of the books there, for the next demon summoning, the best descriptions of the gods that could be produced by assigning each god one angel with the complete text of all the libraries and warnings that the Chelish ones are infernal propaganda and a search function, and a list of all the research they've made on arcane magic - nobody's gotten it to work yet though some people insist they feel something. The text is in a language nobody in Avistan speaks and also very difficult to make out with ordinary human visual acuity, since it's two different shades of looks-like-black-with-normal-human-eyesight.)

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Duke Sikandros, it seems increasingly clear, doesn't particularly like having people hurt in front of him, which is why for all the air of menace there's yet to be any actual violence. In a human, you'd suspect squeamishness, but she's pretty sure outsiders don't have squeamishness. But she can't hang around in Duke Sikandros's company like a clingy toddler forever, and for conquering a country he would not have brought along those of his staff with the same preference. 

Carissa's assessment is that she's safe at least while they're planning their adventure to the City of Brass; they have a mission, it's time-sensitive, they're not going to waste time making a point if she is basically cooperative. After that, she is definitely not safe. There's some obvious things - be competent and useful, don't be annoying, try to walk the tightrope of scared-enough-you-don't-need-to-prove-you're-scary and obviously-going-to-be-boring-when-tortured, but you don't get safety out of that. Maaaaaybe it's worth provoking someone while she's still needed to read a Plane Shift scroll, just to get a better sense of them and to make sure that any fun and exciting experiments with humans happen while they have to keep her basically intact. 

Once they get to Absalom...probably things will get a lot worse once they get to Absalom, actually. Right now no effort need be expended to keep Carissa from escaping; in Absalom, obviously, she could teleport to Egorian and warn them of the coming invasion, or if she can't hang a Teleport still escape with a Dimension Door. She isn't actually sure if she will try to do that, but they ought to expect her to, and it's not easy to hold a wizard securely.

And then there's the third favor. She thinks the Duke is quite serious about the favors, in his own way, and understands himself to have rights to only what he bargained for. ...and to all of Cheliax because they were rude to him. 

 

This is fine. 

 

 

 

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"Then the next step, Carissa Sevar," says Sikandros, "is testing. Lucan?"

He tilts a head towards the Duke.

"Our objective is to determine what materials block Detect Thoughts." Which his flunkiest have, in fact, tracked down a description of. "Your duty is to be subjected to the spell and think nothing - indelicate."

"As you command."

"Carissa, if you are ready? We will change materials every four seconds; your duty is to maintain the spell while saying 'yes' and 'no' to materials tests."

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"Ready."

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How does her spell feel about steel the thickness of a tenth of an inch, a thin layer of lead, a thin layer of lead that is in fact part of someone's body and not actual lead, steel that looks like it's thick enough but is secretly hollow, very dense silk, gold, osmium, iridium...

(Lehali is in the room, incidentally, quietly keeping an eye on Carissa, since she has a higher Sense Motive than the Duke for some purposes.)

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Carissa's goal appears to be cooperatively reporting experimental results and gleaning as much as she possibly can from reading Lucan's mind, and also everyone else's mind if they're standing in range and not encased in metal.

 

(She's not going to fake the results. Too easy to get caught, and wildly dangerous for very limited benefit.)

 

A thin sheet of steel isn't enough. Lead is, including if it's part of someone's body. Steel that's secretly hollow is not. Very dense silk is not. Gold is. Osmium is. Iridium is.

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As it happens, everyone else is careful not to stay in a cone-shaped emanation with Lucan! (Lucan is Int 13 and, on the one pause where they get enough materials that don't work for her to read his surface thoughts, thinking song lyrics in a language she doesn't know.)

How thin can they make osmium and still have it block it?

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About an eighth of a millimeter; thinner than that and she can get through it again. 

 

She's noticing that some of these clearly are meant to look identical from her perspective, presumably to catch her cheating, if she were cheating. She's absolutely not going to cheat. If she does decide to get herself into trouble before she's easily disposed of she'll do something totally harmless and just annoying, not something that makes her obviously a liability.

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Then all the angels can integrate osmium into their uniforms and/or skulls!

And, once they've confirmed that the skulls work,

"Carissa," he says calmly, "I have a choice to offer you. I can make you an osmium helmet, an osmium wig, harmlessly transform part of your skull into osmium, or leave you on the ship whenever we are dealing with someone who might read your mind. The choice is yours."

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She doesn't see the trap, though there has to be one. No one makes an offer like that without some tremendously clever joke in mind. 

"If it will do me no harm, my lord, having my skull made of that metal seems like it would be hardest for any adversary to reverse, and least obvious." How does he know it won't harm her. It seems like the kind of thing that would at minimum hurt very badly, not that she's going to raise that as an objection.

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Because he took advantage of being immortal to get a medical degree and people want weirder things really often.

"Only a portion," he says, "but enough to shield you." And he will put one finger to her forehead and does the transformation.

(She feels slightly tingly very briefly.)

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She is, if you're watching closely, bracing herself for much much worse. When nothing much happens she looks very slightly surprised. 

(If that wasn't the trick, what was it. Will this break down inside her head over time and kill her if she strays too far from him? Probably it's something like that.)

"Thank you, my lord," she says, in the same tone as always.

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And here he thought he should feel bad because he was pressuring her into skull surgery!

"It was done for my own purposes," he says, because that's easier than saying "you're welcome."

Next test: Can transmuted diamond dust be used to cast Stoneskin?

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Yes. Works fine. 

 

 

 

(Cheliax is so doomed.)

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Then he can show up with diamonds, excellent.

The next step will be another Very Very Dangerous Summoning. (Of a demon, off Davidson's Demon List - an electronic copy of which was delivered by Lucan - not too racist, with payments he can make.) If she's ready?

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Wait, why is Carissa more unhappy about him being able to transmute diamonds than about him rearranging her skull? Something is Up with this.

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Carissa will obviously permit her mind to be read if asked! No one has asked!

 

She is ready to accept earplugs and do the dangerous summoning.

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... Pala Lehali has spent the past hour-odd frantically getting ready to be summoned into a, quote, "grimdark fantasy universe", close quote, in need of fixing. She completely agrees that it needs fixing, from the description of it. Everything she encountered in the histories being frantically quoted from one end of Sikandros's palace to the other made her angry at the evil gods and what they are doing to the people there, and when she is angry about something she wants to fix it. A significant fraction of a century of living with Sikandros has taught her to try to fix things in an organized and disciplined manner, so she is not quite at the level of praying to the local Gods of Good with a "how dare you not have fixed the universe yet, and can I help" but she's not far off.

She's going to need to have a Talk with Sikandros about earplugs, isn't she.

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"We'll need music for the summoning, Lehali, Lorcain," he says. (In Avistani, out of consideration for Carissa.)

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"As your command, Your Grace," she says.

Her preferred instrument is a mandolin, and she keeps one rather than make it each time. Pick ready - 

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Lorcain is a decent guitarist, but prefers drums.

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Sikandros will carve the circle with flame and smoke, and in a land bounded by chains of gold - "Carissa?"

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Finish the circle, then hold still and say nothing until there's a deal to read.

 

.....what are the musical instruments for??

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Poof! A batwinged person again! This one is dressed in a celadon green jumpsuit with apertures for a lizard tail and her dragony wings, and she's got modified ears, long and pointy and covered with lots of earrings. "- oh, you didn't gag this, was that on purpose?" she asks.

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"Indeed. I will be handling negotiations as proxy for my summoner." A smile behind the helmet, leaking through into the voice. "And it will give you a chance to express musical preferences."

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"I like improvisational kind of stuff, like, jazzy, or goldcorner or soundforest style - I don't actually know if there's a similar movement in Heaven but if there is lay it on me!"

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"We'll see what we can do. One performance -" which he can define more precisely by duration, and is willing to haggle about "- for two creations. One is this shopping list," which he can show to the demon, "the other is a three-dimensional conjuration of a model of -" he will smile cheerfully "- the relevant stretch of the plane we occupy that contains us and the City of Brass -" with a little bit more detail, scaled to three feet by three feet, an orientation system (up/down/forwards/backwards as the ship is now), and an arrow connecting the two that's visible...

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She will haggle up on the duration and is up for filling a shopping list. "What... plane are we on?" she asks.

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"They told me it was the Elemental Plane of Fire," he says, raising an invisible eyebrow to suggest he's bringing the demon in on the joke.

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"...who told you this?"

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"Ah, that would be telling." 

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"...you know I can just forensic it later, don't you?"

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"Yes, but this is funnier," he says calmly. So, will the demon accept the deal?

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Yup, she's in.

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Great! Carissa?

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Will read off the deal clearly and precisely exactly as it's given to her.


(You don't live very long at the Worldwound if you can't follow simple instructions when you've been told it's a dangerous situation.)

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"Deal," says the demon, and she makes the requested items.

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And they will play.

Lorcain is good; he's an experienced drummer, and there's a lot of energy to his playing, joy and life and verve as he performs, and a precision and strength that cannot be matched by those whose bodies are not shaped as they wish -

But Pala is better. In some respects she's an indifferent musician; she is young among immortals, she has no great gift for technical skill, for her grace is more with sword and rifle than with pick or bow. But her voice as she sings - of loyalty and love and friendship, battles of the past and still to come, the death that sunders friend and friend, hurls one to Limbo and raises one to Heaven - is strong and clear and unyielding, because she can command even if she cannot play, and when Lorcain joins it there is strength in the driving rhythm of drums that adds force to voice and mandolin, and in her words is the strength that hurls men like thunderbolts to crash against the guns, and die in droves where they should never have gone.

(Carissa may be able to hear shadows of it, in spite of the earplugs; the ship is a confined space and Pala Lehali has always been one to play to a crowd.)

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Yes, I am happy about recruiting her, yes, that was a great decision. 

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The demon is so happy and sways her tail along to the music.

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Carissa is extremely confused!!!! She will not take any actions, though. This is a dangerous situation and she is not an idiot.

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Excellent. So, what does the map look like?

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The City of Brass is enormous and three-dimensional, built around a river of liquid brass that winds its way in an Escherish fashion around the city and back to where it starts. Some areas are obscured by geysers of steam and in many the ground is molten. But there's rock, too, and cracked glass, and buildings. Figuring out where gravity points in any given location is difficult, but figuring out how to get from place to place isn't particularly, assuming you can fly. 

 

 

It's quite far from here, but it's easy enough to tell what direction to go.

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"Excellent."

Time for Carissa to banish the demon?

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She's so curious if this would work on all the other people she has summoned as well and soooo not going to test it. 

 

Bye bye demon.

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And then the next step is another safe summoning of one of the Duke's flunkies, to be handed a small plastic thingy and then immediately dismissed!

(It's a copy of all the libraries they just conjured up.)

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She's not asking questions. Summoned, dismissed.

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"The next summoning," he says, "will not be quite as dangerous as the previous; it can still kill you, but we'll have some difficulty also destroying any planets in the area. It is of a being that can transport us to the City of Brass."

And he'll copy it from the fairy summoning circle (quietly blanked out to make it harder for Chelish spies) into his fancy metal thing with tongues of fire.

(By this point, the work of transforming his airplane into a hovering castle has reached the stage where there are doors to the outside, though they connect to airlocks.)

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Carissa is honestly indifferent between things that kill her and things that kill her and everything on the surrounding planets! She will be less indifferent once Golarion is one of the surrounding planets, but she doesn't care about anything in the Elemental Plane of Fire and none of it cares about her. 

 

She will complete the circle and be just as careful.

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Here's another winged person! This one is dark-skinned with close-cropped curly hair and he has black butterfly wings and emerald green slacks and no shirt nor shoes, and he's pierced his nipples and his lip and his ears. "Hello all," he says.

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"Greetings," he says. "I will be handling payment on my summoner's behalf; we have found ourselves in a *tremendously* unlikely situation and require transport from an uninhabitable to a habitable corner of a plane of endless flame, and can pay in angel-work."

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"...can I check out the endless flame?" asks the fairy.

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He gestures, and part of the ceiling will become translucent. "I have some reason to believe it is dangerous to someone not traveling at a sizable fraction of C. Even to a daeva."

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"It's kinda pretty. It's dangerous to daeva? How do you figure?"

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"Personal experience," he says softly, in an I-would-rather-not-discuss-this-voice.

(This is a lie, and it is a lie because if he said "There's arcane magic that might be able to take us over," the hypothetical Chelish spies would know. As it is they think he's just trying to monopolize a new world to himself, which, while not false, is at least highly incomplete.)

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"I'm not positive I can pilot this thing from inside of it."

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"I am confident that as long as you stay moving, you can outrun any threats. Nothing here moves as fast as a fairy. Or if you think it would work, I can have one of my fellows craft a transparent bubble on the hull, that you can work from as a base to levitate it."

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"I don't think that would help any more than having the ceiling transparent will. - it's not the fire that's dangerous, it's other stuff?"

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"Yes."

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"Okay then, I can haul ass whichever way. How far?"

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This far! He has a map!

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And given that and a direction and some nailing down what angel work he wants (can they do exotic cheese?) he will step out an airlock and accelerate them all a lot without ruffling a hair on their heads.

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They can do exotic cheese! He has a professional chef! (Immortality is great.)

Any idea how long it will take?

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Fairies are very fast. They can get from the Earth to the Moon in a few seconds.

Of course, the Moon has the advantage of being a large, visible target. Finding a city, even a big city, in a bunch of fire, calls for a much slower approach, and going by way of landmarks insofar as any exist.

So this will take at least a few minutes, possibly even hours.

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The Dangerous summons is active so Carissa will be perfectly still and not say or do anything.

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"The contract is sealed," he says, once the fairy is out. (Ideally, one of his people outside can stay in contact with the fairy, and alert him to difficulties via radio.) "So long as you do not break the binding, the direct danger has passed."

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"What actions might break the binding, my lord?"

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"A deliberate act of will," he says. "Summoners inform me it is unlike anything else. And I have never - seen - one do it in error."

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"And do you command, my lord, that if told to do this by the dangerous summoned creature or some ally or anyone other than you, I should refuse to my death?"

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"The summon cannot act against you unless the binding is broken," he says, conjuring more golden mist to surround her, and then, quite calmly, "Yes, unless it is Lucan to do it and he bears a message in my name. Or feign compliance while banishing it. Worry not; your name is Carissa Sevar and if I do not have those who die serving me resurrected, very few will."

His plan if that happens is to pray to all the Good gods in order of power, very, very fast.

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She has served him for one day and not even very competently. She sees why he'd claim to intend to resurrect her, if he's asking her to die for him, but obviously he doesn't mean it. Has she come across as that much of an idiot. 

 

Well, it's useful information about the chain of command. "Understood," she says.

 

And maybe she can get him to mean it, if she's very very useful. Resurrections are cheap for him. 

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Then the team can do more research, and build their flying sky castle more, and read the contents of all the libraries! Unless someone starts something with them, which is unlikely if they're moving at fairy speed, they can make it to the City of Brass without much trouble.

About how many hours does it look like it's going to be?

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Five or six. The Elemental Plane of Fire is very big and the City of Brass very small.

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It seems like a good time for Carissa to try a minor instance of being difficult, enough to get her punished, while they definitely still need her intact. It will be informative. She currently has approximately no idea what punishments under the Duke are like, or what anyone's like when they're angry, or exactly how far you have to push them to anger them.

 

It's very tempting to instead stand right here doing nothing and definitely not angering anybody, but that just means the first time she angers someone will be after she's no longer indispensable. 

 

Who other than the Duke (she's not going to annoy him directly!) looks like they are not at this moment incredibly busy. 

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Lucan and Pala Lehali are going around using his polymorph powers on various rooms to fill the space made by the engineers outside (Pala Lehali is fitting up the medical bay, Lucan the kitchen) while Lorcain's loading up a treasury with diamonds, and all three of them regularly pass through the central room. Mendax and d'Acier are on the outside, working on the castle's structure.

(By this point the flying sky castle has expanded; there's now a summoning room, individual rooms for everyone, airlocks for exiting to the outside, a bathroom, a kitchen, a medical room a treasury, a large central room with lots and lots of chairs and tables and empty bookshelves.)

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Carissa is very small and useless next to these people, practically an ant, and an ant that tries aggravating the giants who make the ground around the anthill tremble is being very silly.

 

But she does need to know.

 

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She will just walk on into the treasury, not like she has orders to be there, that's courting more trouble than she'd like, but just like she wants to be there and so she is, and start looking through the diamonds, count out a handful to keep.

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Lorcain will give her a nod. "Mortal."

(It's not like he needs diamonds; Sikandros was just like "I want to be able to tell people my floating sky castle has a treasury full of diamonds, get on that" and it's not like it will take him any significant amount more time to replace the ones she's taking.)

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Is she. Is she allowed to go into the treasury and walk off with valuable spell components.

 

That doesn't make any sense. 

 

- they're not scared of anything, they shrug off Disintegrates, they'll let her do as she pleases, if she betrays them that'll just make them doing whatever amuses them in Golarion take a bit longer - does that fit together? It - comes close - 

 

She puts the diamonds in her pocket. "Yes," she says to Lorcain. And she's overwhelmingly tempted to leave it at that but she hasn't actually concluded her experiment yet -

"Do you know how to make food safe for mortals? I want a sandwich. With salami and soft cheese and a tomato."

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He grins. "Such audacity to speak so, to me!" he says, not at all in a disapproving tone. "But it is Lucan you wish to speak to; he is charged with seeing to your needs. My work is my own."

Honestly making Carissa a sandwich sounds mildly entertaining, largely for the expression on her face, but although he can increase quantities of salami and soft cheese, he can't actually make food for mortals out of nothing they'd actually want to eat. 

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What. 

 

 

 

 

No, seriously, what?????

 

 

It's not that he failed to parse it as rude because of a cultural gap. He correctly parsed it as rude, and ....thought that was funny? Or charming? It's like - she can't even think of an analogy - people aren't that indulgent with their own children -

- it's like a Lawful Neutral adventurer she met once who had a chinchilla he'd acquired in the course of his adventures, not a familiar, just a chinchilla, and it wasn't really tame and sometimes bit him, and he thought that was very funny. He was not in need of respect from his chinchilla; perhaps he specifically enjoyed that it was too stupid to respect him even though its life was in his hands. 

 

You couldn't really imagine a Chelish person doing that, because it looks weak, right. But probably if you're this kind of terrifying outsider you don't have to worry about looking weak. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, that's why she did this, right, to learn things, and she learned something. She should stop while she's ahead. 

 

 

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She smiles back at him. She will be the fluffiest chinchilla. 

"Is he," she says. "I'll ask him, then, even if he's very frightening. Do you happen to know if he bites."

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He laughs. "When it entertains him, and at our Master's command."

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See, that was such a good experiment. She feels so much less disoriented.

 

The fluffiest chinchilla will go looking for Lucan, then.

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He's not hard to find! He's even in the kitchen already.

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Her current theory is that she is entertaining to them, and harmless, and can't offend them because when she bites it's kind of cute; they might hurt her if their mood changes, they might kill her if she's no longer entertaining, but she can't provoke them, at least not without trying as a fifth-circle wizard rather than as a mortal. A Sending to Abrogail Thrune would probably do it. And if the Duke isn't an idiot he is watching her to see if she'll do that, and not watching for defiance on any scale smaller than that. 

 

It's not a safe situation but it's a different situation than being a prisoner. 

 

Or Lorcain could be fucking with her, and something entirely different could be going on, or she could be jumping wildly to conclusions. The only way to find out is very very carefully. 

 

 

"I'll have a sandwich," she says to Lucan without preamble, "with salami and soft cheese and a tomato."

 

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He will give her a quietly superior smile. "As our Master commands, Summoner."

The plate will automatically grow out of the surface of the polished counter, and a loaf of fresh white bread will then sprout from it, smelling like it was just out of the oven. Its center will transform into the meat and cheese and tomato one-by-one, and it will then split open along the Carissa-facing side to reveal them, before neatly dividing into two halves. Then Lucan will hand the plate to her, eyes on her expression to see how she handles it.

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How do you do that even with the most powerful Polymorph???? Polymorph lets you turn things into sandwiches, it doesn't let you.....grow sandwiches out of other things!

 

 

She has absolutely no idea what to say to that so she just nods, like this is what she expected to happen when she marched up to a powerful outsider to demand a sandwich, like this happens all the time when you march up to powerful outsiders to demand sandwiches.

 

 

Also, theory confirmed: she cannot succeed at annoying these beings without provoking them far more than is safe; their pride cannot be injured by her conduct towards them, because she is a funny pet. 

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... Is she going to take the sandwich? Because Lucan is watching how she handles this. He did just make her a sandwich, after all, what's she going to do in response?

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Right! Sandwich! Yes, she'll take the sandwich!!!!

 

 

Her heart is racing waaaaay too much to, you know, eat the sandwich in front of him. But maybe she can take it somewhere else??

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She can do that! She has a room! And there's a big public room! And a bathroom! And other unexplored rooms that are probably empty!

Either way, he will visibly enjoy her fear as she withdraws with the sandwich.

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Carissa is so confused. 

 

And, yes, terrified, but less because she thinks something bad is going to happen and more because she deliberately made herself do something that should have been incredibly dangerous, and then it went - fine, which is good, but it means she's all ready to face some grave calamity and actually she is fine. Alone. With a sandwich. 

The guy with the chinchilla didn't seem to enjoy scaring the pet chinchilla? Possibly she is generalizing too much from one weird dude who had a chinchilla. 

 

If people had just been nice and generous and reasonable and cut her cheek open with a flick of their claws for being rude and then sent her on her way then that wouldn't be scary, because that would be normal behavior by people who aren't particularly sadistic. 

She wants someone to hurt her so the universe makes sense again. 

 

Instead she's just going to have to eat her sandwich. WOE IS CARISSA.

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It's a really good sandwich.

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And she resents it.

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After she's finished her sandwich but before she's had time to get bored or start worrying too much about whether or not she should Sending Abrogail Thrune, Pala Lehali will show up.

"Carissa Sevar," she says - a quick smile - "unless that is not the name of your choice? My lord bids you wait on him."

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Is there something wrong with her name? Is she supposed to have a different name now? 

 

Carissa stands and follows. 

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And Pala Lehali will lead Carissa back to the court room (now distinct from the main room, equipped with chairs, tapestries with simple but striking geometric patterns in black and red and gold, and a rug similar), where Sikandros has his throne! Mendax, Lorcain and d'Acier have already arrived; there's five chairs, not counting the throne, checkerboarded down the (actually fairly short) length of the court room's hall. Mendax is occupying the second, d'Acier the third, and Lorcain the fourth. Behind the throne there's a black and red banner, looking like so:

The Iron Ring

"I bring you Carissa Sevar as requested, your grace," says Pala Lehali, making an actually graceful bow.

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"Thank you, Lehali," he says. "Be seated."

Pala Lehali takes a seat in the chair nearest Sikandros's.

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Five chairs, five servants of the Duke not counting her. 

Some part of Carissa which really should have been squished into dust long ago pipes up that she should just say "make another chair, I want one too". 

 

They're well past hypothesis-testing and that does not advance any conceivable goal so instead, like a sane person, Carissa kneels.

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"Rise," says Sikandros, and "Be seated."

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....seriously?


That's not something you do with a pet or a prisoner or a newcomer in an operation that is obviously hundreds maybe thousands of years older than her. 

 

And then is Lucan going to walk in and, what - 

 

 

- make his own chair, probably - 

 

 

Well nothing about this situation will actually improve from disobedience so she should do what she was told to do. And rise. And go sit in one of the chairs. 

 

 

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"Sevar," he says, in a friendly manner. "While we travel to the City of Brass, we would appreciate it if you would guide us to a better understanding of your world's wizardry."

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Why the emphasis on guide?? What is that supposed to mean?? 


"Of course, my lord." Which isn't how Lehali addressed him, should she be copying her - she picked this style before he identified himself as a Duke -

They probably just think it's funny if she's getting it horrendously offensively wrong. This isn't that comforting but it's a little comforting.

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Because her services as a guide were what he contracted for!

"Excellent. Then my retainers and I will await your instruction. The powers of our world are not those of your own, and we would master the latter if it is within your art to teach us." Also, this whole thing is being recorded to be sent back to the people trying to study wizardry with nothing but textbooks the next angel-summoning, so hopefully they, too, can profit by Carissa's instructions.

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She....thinks outsiders can't just become normal mortal wizards. What with how they're immortal, you'd expect some of them to master it, if it were possible at all; wouldn't it serve Asmodeus to make His devils fight each other until the triumphant ones had ninth circle spells with which to serve Him?

 

Maybe He does do that but you're not allowed to send those ones to interfere in Golarion. She is pretty sure the Duke and his friends are, uh, the class of outsider who is not allowed to interfere in Golarion. 

- not the time. 

"Right," she says. "Do the powers of your world enable you to see spells as they are prepared or cast, or see them about a caster if they're prepared and unused, or see the marks they leave on the world while active?"

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"No, no, and unknown," he says. "The magic of your world is different from that of our home."

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It fits with how she can't see their spells at all. And with her theory that she didn't actually summon the Duke with a fifth circle spell, but in some other fashion entirely, perhaps with the smoke and ash and blood satisfying whatever standards he's meeting when he sets summoning circles forth for her. 

 

"All right. You're going to need spellbooks, if you want to learn to be a wizard, with good ink that anchors the magic for you."

 

....she does not want to let them copy her spellbook. Wizards don't just let people copy their spellbooks. But it is the obvious move. 

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Unfortunately for her, he has no idea that her spellbook is private!

"If you bear yours, would not duplicating the ink and paper from it suffice?"

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What is the safest -

"No guide you could hire in Golarion would permit you to copy the contents of their spellbook."

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"What would you care to wager, on that?" Lorcain says with a very toothy smile.

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Carissa is totally going to be able to come up with something to say to that her brain just needs to scream stupidly for a second first.

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He will clear his throat at Lorcain, and say, "Ah, but would they permit us to copy the form of it?"

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Carissa has now stepped into internal politics and that is a very sure way to die and she needs to stop picking battles with the powerful terrifying people even if they keep rewarding her for doing so, that doesn't make it a good idea. 


"Yes, my lord."

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"So be it, then; you can demonstrate what a spellbook is, show us what inks we need to duplicate, and explain the required theories, and we can begin our studies."

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"Forgive me, my lord, but do I understand correctly that when I call my spellbook back from the Ethereal Plane, where it is stored and where I alone can retrieve it, you and your servants will examine it to copy the ink and the paper, and bargain separately if you wish to make the contents yours?" You can't back out of a negotiation because it's embarrassing to clarify what's going on.

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"Indeed," he says, "though I would consider an understanding of how spells are formed in the general case, and one example, to be included in your services as my guide." Based on the speed they're making here, that will get them all the way to the City of Brass, and then they can just bribe her with scrolls.

(And, probably, recruit a new Iomedaean. The latest updates from the comparative religion people suggest that Iomedae is probably not up to any major atrocities, possibly barring the Hold of Belkzen, though Sarenrae looks dubious.)

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She nods. Summons her spellbook to her hand with a gesture. See, I can do cool magic too. 

"We'll start with a cantrip, Light. You'll want to copy this diagram. It's simple, because Light is simple, and it holds together when it's not tied off, which means you can cast it and catch it and cast it again. There are two steps to spellcasting: building the spell, and using it. To build a spell you need a scaffold, which is a magical structure that just needs to have the property that your spells don't stick to it or cling to it while you're preparing them. For cantrips you can use a very very simple scaffold - you just want to draw a little magic out of the air and up and around so you've got a hook to hang the spell on, like so - and then once you're not getting any interference, start encouraging the magic along the path that'll make it a cantrip - new students usually trip up by trying to rush the magic and getting terrible consistency, or by not understanding how magic interacts with itself and making it clumpy...."

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They have NO IDEA what they are doing, and will follow only with confusion! Copying her spellbook and inks? Sure, no problem, that's easy, they can just make more of the paper like it and ink like it and make their own spellbooks. Following spellcraft? Manipulating magic? They are like tiny tiny babies. Sikandros is slightly less bad than the rest of them, but Lorcain is worse, to make up for it.

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They're really bad at this! She wasn't expecting that, somehow! They're powerful outsiders, and cantrips aren't that complicated! Most people are weirdly bad at magic but it's more disconcerting coming from ludicrously magical beings. 

 

She doesn't want Cheliax run by someone who can't even Detect Magic. The Duke could probably still weather all assassination attempts just by being apparently resistant to all damage, but it'd just be embarrassing. 

 

Also if she had a class of Chelish students she would at this point tell the one doing the best to slap the one doing the worst, and she absolutely cannot do that here. Maybe that's why they're not learning faster. 

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That sounds plausible! Their learning mechanisms seem to involve explaining things to each other and asking lots of questions of her and occasionally dropping into another language for discussions of how it's related to some kind of math she doesn't understand for which they need a few dozen different loan words.

(And the team is learning faster than the average Chelish student, it's just that the average Chelish student is really astoundingly terrible.)

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Carissa has never been obliged to teach new Chelish students; it'd be a punishment for both them and her, she suspects. She will try very very patiently to characterize everything she's doing in lots of detail so even an idiot can follow along. 

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That helps slightly. Slowly. It's amazing how many times these idiots need to stop and ask questions about very basic things.

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Well, at least she'll be indispensable for a while.

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After a few hours Mendax and d'Acier head off to work on some unknown aspect of the situation; about half an hour later Sikandros goes to join them, leaving her with just Lorcain and Pala Lehali. 

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She should do something about the fact where she probably offended him/got him reprimanded, except it's delicate when you know absolutely nothing about any of the politics.

She spends a few minutes chewing it over and then decides that doing nothing is in fact worse than doing something. Especially with Lehali here and likely to intervene if things go really badly. 

"Do you still want to bet?"

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Lehali laughs, and flashes a "Good for you, standing up for yourself!" smile at Carissa.

(It is probably totally incomprehensible to her.)

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"That I cannot hire any guide who will let me copy their spellbook?" he says, grinning.

(Lorcain tends to vibrate whenever he's doing anything, always charged with energy and always burning it off, drumming his fingers against nearby objects if he's doing nothing else.)

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The smile is indeed incomprehensible! Or she catches that Lehali wants to look pleased, but has no idea why!

 

"That, if you solicit a quote for a guide without saying anything about spellbook copying, and hire a guide at that price, and they're a wizard of at least second circle, they will not let you copy their spellbook without further payment unless you threaten their life, limb, loved ones, etcetera."

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"Oh, we don't disagree," says Lorcain. "Except that I would call you amply paid - wouldn't you agree? In diamonds."

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"Well, diamonds hardly seem very valuable around here. You're going to do awful things to all the markets in them."

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"Ah, but do the guides of your planet know that?"

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"They might suspect it if you show up and offer them a handful of diamonds."

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"But they would, after all, be able to resell the diamonds off before then." His smile continues to be sharklike. "If, that is, they knew there were no earlier guides who'd gotten there first."

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The internal screaming is actually quieter when Carissa is in an immediately dangerous interaction. You can't afford to panic in the middle of those.

 

"I didn't actually take your diamonds to resell. I might resell them, I guess, but that wasn't the point. The point was to find out what happens if I take your diamonds."

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"And yet, if I offered this many diamonds to a guide, and swore they were true diamonds, and -" he grinned "- informed the guide I was doing it to settle a bet, would the guide show me - her? - spellbook?"

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There is definitely subtext, at this point. Carissa has no idea what it is but is never going to admit that. "Oh, yes, definitely."

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"Then the point is made," he said softly, "and the debt is acknowledged."

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Lehali will clear her throat.

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WHAT DOES THAT MEAN AND WHY DO THESE PEOPLE COMMUNICATE EVERYTHING THROUGH THROAT-CLEARING INSTEAD OF SOME CIVILIZED LANGUAGE SUCH AS TORTURE. 

 

It's a reprimand, presumably; aimed at Lorcain or at her? Probably Lorcain since it can't have escaped anyone that Carissa doesn't know how to interpret their politics. Did she get him in trouble? Does it look like she meant to? Is Lehali just reminding him not to kill her? How could he possibly need a reminder of that, he doesn't actually seem like an idiot. 

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"I am here to learn magic, Lorcain," she says, helpfully expanding on that. "I know not what you are here for, but I have no doubt that there is other work that could be done, if you do not, in fact, want to learn magic."

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His expression will actually show a flash of annoyance, before he dips his head. "As you say, Pala Lehali."

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It is, of course, Carissa that got them off-topic, and so the reprimand could as easily have been 'Carissa, teach us magic'; why would Lehali prefer to reprimand Lorcain in front of her over that? 

 

...she'll have to puzzle that out later and teach magic for now. 

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And the magic tutoring will end (before either of them have actually gotten Light to work) with Lucan's arrival (clearing away and replacing golden webs as he does).

"Pala Lehali, Lorcain, mortal," he says. "Our master bids you wait on him in the Operations Room."

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Mortal will follow along to do that, then!

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The command room is vaguely cathedral-looking, grand and swooping with vaulted arches. It is, unsurprisingly, full of the same web of gold as everywhere else, which Lucan will dismiss and reform around Carissa as she travels. There's six chairs, all rotating with desks attached; in front of three of them are pairs of goggles of a vaguely metallic substance with attached ?thingies?, with shining boards of light projected into the desks with letters marked on them, and Lucan will show Carissa to one of these four, and Pala Lehali to one of the others. Mendax is sitting in the fourth.

The other two chairs are on the far side of the desks; Sikandros is in one, d'Acier is in a second, Lorcain sits in a third and once he's finished refreshing the golden links, Lucan takes up a seat behind and to the left of Sikandros's chair.

"Lehali, Lorcain, Sevar. It is time to discuss the program of operations for our visit to the City of Brass."

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Why does he even WANT Cheliax. He already has everything Cheliax could possibly offer him. 

 

Carissa sits and looks attentive and tries to figure out what's going on with the shining boards of light.

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"We will arrive above the City of Brass shortly. When we do, I, Lucan, and d'Acier will travel to the ground below in a hovering chariot driven by Lorcain." he gestures at the headsets "While I travel, so long as you wear these, you will see through my Eyes." 

(By which he means his vast swarm of mosquito-drone-cameras, most of which are much, much smaller than actual mosquitoes. These he didn't make; they were manufactured in Heaven, purchased for money, and brought in an overstuffed backpack.)

"Carissa, you will advise me on which of the items are appropriately magical and what errors for a world of your magic I am making; I can hear what you say so long as you speak it in this room." And also through other times. "Pala Lehali, you will watch for external threats to me, Mendax, you will protect the castle from direct threats." And threats that are Carissa, he quietly told them earlier. "Lucan and d'Acier will accompany me and prevent any attempts at theft." And serve as Flunkies To Raise His Visible Status.

"We will visit a large number of shops, observe spellsilver, replicate it, use and diamonds as currency to purchase everything we can locate on this list -" prepared by asking Carissa about shiny magic items earlier, and then going through lots and lots of books of high-level magic items and valuable spells, with seven Big Scary Headbands at the top of the list "- and locate on it, everything the City of Brass has for sale, beginning with devices for magical detection and analysis and moving on from there."

"Pala Lehali will command the home team, Lucan will be my second on the away team."

"If you have questions or if you feel I am making errors, speak now and insights will be rewarded."

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"Might be I can't identify items through your distance scry, in which case you could buy a Greater Scrying first; I can definitely identify through that. If they attempt theft, I'd expect them to attempt it via mind control, not via directly fighting three of your kind of powerful outsider, you want someone whose job it is to notice if you're behaving oddly." Presumably not her. Mind Blank is of course already on his shopping list if it can be purchased here. "I have no idea if prophecy is broken here; it might be you'll find that prices have already adjusted to account for the arrival of mysterious outsiders with too many diamonds and too much spellsilver. 

We should expect that some magic shops have antiscrying up, and I don't know how their antiscrying will interact with your kind of scrying, which as usual doesn't register to me as magical. They might well have general antiscrying measures that work against nonmagical scrying too. I don't know how your scrying solution handles time-dilated demiplanes but some powerful magic-shop-owners might have one of those. I don't know if this solution works across planar boundaries in general; we could test that with a Rope Trick."

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He nods. "All good suggestions; name five scrolls for your spellbook for any art save distant transportation, and I will give them to you if they can be found. Pala Lehali, you may consider watching for mental control part of your duties. Carissa, I would appreciate an explanation of prophecy; it may or may not correspond to features of my own realm, and I would prefer to know." He considers. "I am skeptical that my scrying would function over planar boundaries; have you prepared a -"

He pauses. "Wait. You should cast your Cunning and Wisdom on me, now, while we continue planning."

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Cunning. 

 

Wisdom.

 

 

Now he's smarter than her and she's unlikely to be impressive, darn.

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What an extremely fascinating experience.

(Duke Sikandros is wearing a huge face-concealing helmet, with the result that though his body language suddenly stills, the fascinating changes in his expression are not actually visible.)

He is screwing up. He is screwing up in a vast multitude of ways. At no point will Lorcain get the chance to demonstrate his exceptional skills, unless someone attempts to kidnap Sikandros and succeeds-in-such-a-manner-as-to-miss-Lorcain-but-not-immediately-escape-via-long-range-teleportation-or-planar-travel, which is actually really unlikely! He should have summoned someone else! For that matter, he should have summoned a larger team, then dismissed them just before plane shifting, then resummoned them. Then he would have more people to guard his castle.

Also, Carissa is really very unhappy, and is desperately swinging between trying to appease him, trying to support him, and struggling for independence, and he cannot really trust her... at all...

... Which will be true of anyone who he recruits, which means he needs to win Carissa's loyalty, or give up on that and find someone else...

... Who will also have no reason to be loyal... or, to be more accurate, people don't know that they ought to be loyal to him and there's a vitally important culture gap and this will continue to exist. If he shows up in some small country and saves them and builds them lots of bridges they might be loyal to him then, but he's already told Carissa that he's going to wipe out Cheliax, and she wants to feed that information to Cheliax, and Cheliax has every reason to assume he will hold a grudge. And Cheliax has a preferred strategy of teleporting in a large number of powerful wizards with a lot of enhancement spells (like these enhancement spells!) and throwing every spell they can imagine at him, and probably one of these will work eventually, even if it's just polymorphing him into a sheep or trapping him in a demiplane where time runs at a thousandth of the normal rate, thank you Carissa for reminding him those existed...

... He doesn't know if he's immune to mind-affecting spells at all, a mind controlled angel would be a disaster...

(This would be so much easier if he wasn't an evil overlord.)

... Cheliax will probably recreate a summoning circle at some point, all his fancy work won't stop them... and then they can summon a demon who will give them lots of free, friendly advice...

Also also, he has not actually verified that the Good gods are Good, and right now he has the choice between handing everything over to them and acknowledging their leadership (he observes he feels very unhappy about that) and operating on his own with no information or allies or support...

... Or tracking down a non-godly faction and getting their information and advice and support and he has no reason to believe they're aligned with him either...

... He also has the option of trying to hide on the Elemental Plane of Fire forever. Or some other plane. The fundamental problem with that is information, again; he needs a large number of separate information-sources who all confirm that it is possible to ward his castle against scrying and teleportation attacks, then he needs to ward his castle, then he needs to make someone willing to check his castle's wards.

... All this would take forever, and he is on a time limit...

(Didn't he have this idea that he would just do entertaining things? He did. But he cannot actually imagine being someone who looked at a grimdark fantasy universe and did not try to fix it.)

Okay, the obvious and horrible solution is to make some very large rocks, do his calculations very, very precisely, then drop them on Cheliax from very, very high up. This will disrupt their ability to summon demons. The problem is that Cheliax is people. And there are afterlives that are not necessarily better than the mortal world! And he doesn't know that Cheliax is his only enemy; there are a lot of authors who would gleefully make him ally with Cheliax against a greater evil, because that would be a fun twist!

He could try to plane shift to one of the Good afterlives, but he doesn't know if they're on his side. He has no allies, here, except the ones he brings, and everyone else wants to try to signal they're his allies because he's a valuable resource. Probabilistically he'll grant that the Good factions are more likely to be Good, but he does not want to bet on it!

His thoughts are going in circles, and he notices that.

"Fascinating," he says.

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Enhancement spells are amazing and the best. It's kind of magic in its purest form, making you better at being yourself. Carissa tries not to show this on her face because she is a professional and no one cares about her opinions. 

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"Carissa, I appreciate this spell. Retainers, I will need to pause this; Sevar and I need to summon another eight of my retainers swiftly. Lucan, with us."

It is actually the case that he has some free time, he's not dumb, and continuing to make the mistake after he already knew it was a mistake would just be stupid.

"You and I will wish to speak, Sevar," he says, as they leave.

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Well that's not terrifying at all. 


Can she have the enhancements too. 

 

Carissa walks silently over to the summoning room. 

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As they walk (Lucan behind them, maintaining and dismissing the mist of chains), he says, very calmly, "There is no reason for your goals to be aligned with mine other than naked contract, and as you are an extremely valuable source of information, I would like to change this."

(Half-second pause while the Owl's updates him on VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION) "- via persuading you to want to support my side, or altering my goals in ways that cost me little and gain you a great deal. At present neither of us can trust the other, and it would be much more convenient if we could solve this problem, the way rational people would."

Another second's pause. "Your spells work wonders. My thanks."

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So the essential question here is, is Sikandros under mind control from his new wizard? Lucan ought to be reasonably good at noticing it, but either way, Pala Lehali will rise and quietly follow along as if she'd been invited, and if Sikandros asks why she will tell him.

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It's an odd framing. Carissa ought to be on his side because it's very probably the winning side. The only reason for her to betray him, aside from naked sentimentality of a kind she doesn't think she's displayed any tendency towards, would be if he's going to kill her. And he won't; Cheliax might think it worth the diamond to Raise her and ask questions, or she might be able to make a very interesting report in Hell. 

 

....what he should do instead, really, is petrify her, the instant he's Plane Shifted out of here or confirms in the City of Brass that he can hire the Plane Shift. She knows something about how summoning works - she did do it once, after all - she knows some things about his organization and his goals, Cheliax knows to pay attention to her, and everything else she has to offer him he can buy with the diamonds he can make in half a second. And wizards aren't easy to keep captive, even if you have Polymorph powers. 

 

She feels cold. 

 

None of it is confusing anymore. Why his people are being so nice to her, but with a predatory undertone; they've been told she needs to be kept cooperative until she can be replaced. Why Lehali reprimanded Lorcain: toying with her isn't nice, and they're supposed to play nice. Except she knows what Evil is and so she actually found Lorcain less confusing than everyone else; toying with her is what you'd do, if you were planning to keep her around. 

 

But what is the Duke doing now? Why make transparent what she obviously hadn't yet figured out? Why make noises about cooperation, when there is actually nothing she can offer him that someone who is wildly less of a liability can't?

...except the Plane Shift out of here. There is that. There is only that, but there is that.

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"Like rational people," she says. "What do you suppose a rational person in your place, my lord, would do as soon as we reach Golarion again?"

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"That depends on whether he would believe you were trustworthy," he says calmly. "If he had evidence of that, he would make use of you as a valuable source of information on Cheliax and on arcane magic; you are, after all, a fifth-circle wizard, and - trustworthy - fifth-circle wizards do not grow on trees. If he did not, he would render you unconscious and keep you that way, at least until the crisis had concluded."

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She's not going to start crying, she's not, she's not that pathetic. 

"I have disobeyed you in nothing, my lord, but if there is an obedience so inspiring that, on two days' acquaintance, you would trust me off it, then it's an art not known to me."

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"I am well aware that you have disobeyed me in nothing! And also that you are an essentially reasonable person and are worried that I would render you permanently unconscious, because that is what a reasonable person would worry about. It is a waste of resources for me to betray you if you are not plotting to betray me, and it is a waste of resources for you to betray me if I could, instead, pay you better, and then there would be no need for this foolish mutual betrayal. What I do not understand is if there is something we could manage that would, in fact, work better than making possibly-false claims. You possess access to all the magic of your world, which is why you would be an excellent person to speak to if I desired to confirm that some third party is loyal. Can you not do it with yourself?"

He may need to have her spend the Cunning and Wisdom spells on herself, he could absolutely use her assistance for this.

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It all made such perfect sense in her head a second ago and now she's confused again. Even if she's loyal she's a liability; he can hire anyone; it just doesn't seem like a sensible chance to take. 

 

....maybe he just isn't familiar with mortals, maybe he just doesn't know -

(and should she try to lie to him? but presumably there'll be a truth spell in this somewhere -)

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" - my lord, mortals aren't like outsiders, we're cursed with free will. I read Lawful, I want to be Lawful, but I'm not a devil yet, and there's no way we know of to make mortals that are actually obedient. You can cast a truth spell and ask if they mean to betray you, but they can change their intentions. They can lie to themselves. It's the entire thing that's wrong with the world, and no I don't know of an easy solution to it, Asmodeus Himself can't solve it!'

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"Cast Cunning and Wisdom on yourself," he says. "This is more important than the shopping trip."

Then he'll pause for her to do that.

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- okay?

 

 

Carissa's extremely stupid mortal form is trying to have a heart attack but she'll simply ignore it, that always works fine. 

 

She casts both spells. 

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Being this terrified is really interfering with her thinking, but she's not going to be able to stop being terrified unless she thinks of a solution that involves her being alive. And able to do things. 

 

She is still very confused. Even more confused, in some ways, as some sense-making that had held together before breaks down and leaves her without any sense-making at all. If the plan was not in fact to cheerfully steer Carissa through the Plane Shift home and then Petrify her, she's back to not knowing what the plan was. 

Probably the Duke was just looking for Carissa to name some bribe for which she wouldn't want to defect because Cheliax couldn't bribe her that generously, not for a lecture about why mortals suck. 

(Mortals don't even suck that much when they aren't being pushed around and squished into boxes and conquered and Petrified, when they're not constantly scared -)

 

"If - if you promise to let me have my hundred years, conscious, ideally able to move and talk and stuff but I can compromise on that, and then to let me go to Hell, then I won't try anything, because nothing's worth risking that, to me. I don't really understand why you would make that promise but if you did, I'd stop being difficult, I wouldn't need to protect myself."

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"That sounds like a very low price," he says. "Particularly..." he pauses. "... Does Cheliax not have the concept of incentive alignment?" He considers. "Through any means except torture?"

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Does that mean he'll agree to it? Is he playing some complicated game? "...you can rise on your merit in Cheliax."

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... "I have some experience," he says conversationally, "dealing with mortals who cannot be trusted to keep their sworn vows. The solution to retaining their service is to maximize the number of states in which the path of greatest benefit to them is to remain loyal to you. Yes, yes, it is logical to torture them if they betray you, but fundamentally the means of aligning their service to yours is to align their selfish desires to yours, by ensuring that their desires are fulfilled proportionately to their service. One does this by rewarding them after they serve you well, and allowing them to know that you will reward them after they serve you well."

He pauses a moment to allow that to sink in. "There are presently two factors keeping you loyal: Your word to serve me as guide in exchange for your life, which, as you say, is the word of a frail and fragile mortal, and the fact that you are trapped on a flying castle with my loyal servants. In the event that you, say, happened to get your hands on a Plane Shift scroll and used that to transport only yourself to your home plane, the only thing you would need to fear would be that I might track you down to pursue vengeance, as I cannot otherwise reclaim the life you offered me for your guidance. As I would," he adds in an offhand. "This will not, in fact, change, if I pledge to you one hundred years of continued consciousness, absent your usual sleep, since all of that you could claim for yourself if you could escape me. What I desire is to be able to offer sufficient rewards so that, if you are separated from me and mine, you will desire to return to our side out of your mortal ambition and greed, and that will suffice. I desire to do this for you because I would need to do this for any other substitute mortal wizard I recruited. Do you comprehend?"

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There are many, many wizards who would serve him gladly just for the chance to destroy Cheliax. 

 

If he inexplicably doesn't know that she's not going to tell him. 

 

 

And there is something very appealing about that philosophy. She's not sure it's heretical, exactly, but it isn't what you get at home. (It's probably heretical. Most things not chosen by the Church are, and this being may be Lawful Evil but she gets the sense he's not especially Asmodean.)

"I like spellsilver. I like powerful magic items. I want my headband back, I want an even fancier one. I ....don't think I would return to you for those things, if my word didn't bind me, if we'd been separated. I am pretty good at making magic items and I definitely did not plan, before I met you, to pursue fame or patronage for that, to move to Egorian, to impress someone important. I could have been very, very rich, but I would have died young, and I don't want to. 

You have, obviously, wealth beyond the imagining of anyone in Cheliax. You'll have Cheliax soon too, if you don't see fit to destroy it. There are many wizards you can buy, with that, and you can make me happy with it, but the thing that moves me is safety.

 

You said before that you might resurrect me, if I died in your service. I'd return to someone that was true of, though I noted your wording, and did not change my expectations."

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He nods slowly. "A greater Headband for you is on the agenda," he says, "and if the spellsilver-infused ink can be replicated by my abilities than pure spellsilver also can be, but if your chief objective is safety than our goals may diverge in the long term. I would resurrect you if you did not betray me and if it did not require significant expenditure of resources, which I believe it would not, since I could simply offer some powerful cleric diamonds in exchange for a single casting of the spell, and then I would have your services backed by confidence in me - but if it cost large expenditure of resources, I would balance the gains from expending these resources against other concerns, and though I expect I would still do it eventually it might well not be until after you had spent a few decades in Hell. There are situations where I would promise to expend those resources in advance however extreme they were, but this is not one of them, yet."

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She was not intending to demand "resurrect me even if it's extremely inconvenient", she's not under the impression she has any license to demand that. 

Something is still deeply and fundamentally confusing, here, and all her extra brilliance isn't letting her make sense of it, just making the sharp edges where it doesn't make sense come into more focus -

"Do your followers have orders not to hurt me, even when they won't damage me thereby? Why?"

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"... When mortals are tortured, they dislike it, and resent the torturer," he says, like he cannot understand the idea of someone not understanding this. "So if you desire your service to attract capable mortals, mortals who have other options than to serve you, you do not torture them as part of the normal course of affairs. You reserve it for situations where normal solutions to problems, such as 'talking', have failed. Because that gets you more capable mortals."

Is Cheliax just Fantasy North Korea or something??? Can't be, even North Korea wasn't this bad!

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"Or you teach them not to resent their instructors! Or you treat the people who have other options differently from the people who don't!"

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"Given that I can shape matter as I please, I have hitherto found bribing all mortals, and torturing only traitors, to be the most effective solution for managing them," he says drily. "But I will take your advice under consideration, though not, at present, implement it."

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"My lord, I'm not trying to advise you. I don't understand - I thought I did, but it's not holding together - what you want, that isn't best achieved by recruiting someone less inconvenient. I am not useless. I learn quickly, and I will learn to be more convenient. I will not betray you. If I get a scroll of Plane Shift, I'll do what I'm told with it. If I am separated from you, I'll do a Sending. But I don't understand why the risk that I'm wrong about any of that is acceptable to you, and I don't understand why this is a better use of your valuable time than - I don't know - poisoning me, and telling me you'll give me the antidote in the morning if I behave myself -"

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"There are three things you are missing," he says, because he really does enjoy supervillain monologues. "First and simplest, there are strategies that are resilient to new and unexpected events occurring, and strategies that are not. Poisoning you would, for instance, fail if there was an easy-to-remember wizard spell that cured all poisons. Any attempt to imprison someone when that person possesses unfamiliar magic, is not resilient to their unfamiliar magic producing an escape you do not know. Cheliax betraying me, for instance, was not resilient to the possibility that I would survive, escape, and desire revenge. The more unfamiliar a situation one are in - and your worlds and your wizardry are unfamiliar to me - the more one wishes to rely on positive alignment, rather than punishment, so that mortals will desire to inform you if you fail to comprehend something, so they can be rewarded for this."

"The second is that by mine own honor I cannot promise you safety and not grant it, and I cannot presently replace you. So, to secure you while you are irreplaceable, I must offer you fine terms, which I must then keep when you are replaceable, after we reach the mortal realm. Such is my honor, and my honor I will defend."

"And the third is that time spent in diplomacy with you prepares me for time spent in diplomacy with the other mortals of your world, and so is hardly as expensive as you might think it to be."

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She doesn't want him to think she's an idiot, if that cause isn't already lost. But she thinks it would be far more dangerous to stop arguing than to keep arguing, as long as she's still confused. If she stops arguing, then he has to decide if he believes her or not. If she keeps arguing, then -

 

"I like Cheliax. I grew up there. I'm not going to rejoice at its destruction. If you want me to aid you with the eagerness I would if you were invading the demonic realms from which they burst forth at the Worldwound - I'll try, but my attempts at first may be imperfect, and I am very afraid of giving you the impression I'm - pretending - at anything."

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"You are, as it happens, overlooking two things." His deep voice is dry. "First, I began with the demons of the Worldwound. The government of Cheliax interfered with this program, which is why they sufficiently came to my attention that we are having this conversation. Second, and perhaps more importantly, I can destroy Cheliax at a moment's notice." (He thinks.) "The challenge is delivering the appropriate message to the regime without devastating the country, which would be rather more Chaotic, and rather less ambiguous than I prefer in my dealings with those who have wronged me."

"But either way, I follow your argument, and understand your fears. It is possible I will find a replacement guide, in which case I will still pay you, thereby purchasing the ability to demonstrate that those who serve me well are rewarded, even if their ultimate goals do not align with mine."

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"My lord, everything you've said is very sensible but if you conveyed an actual promise that you will not quite sensibly put me in a coma the instant I take you and yours back to Golarion, or the instant you secure other means of doing that, I failed to comprehend it."

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"So long as you do not actively betray or oppose me, and remain loyal in my service as my guide, I will not deprive you of consciousness excepting for short-term purposes if it should be tactically necessary and not taking up a significant portion of your expected lifespan in total sum, and will permit you to go to the afterlife of your choice when your service has concluded."

"Is there a different phrasing you would prefer?"

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It sounds good, but she isn't an idiot, so she closes her eyes for a full minute to actually think about that. And then leaves them closed because they're stinging slightly. You shouldn't be able to just - ask for - that - and get it - 

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"My lord. There is no bribe that could draw me away from the service of one who desires to preserve me and has nothing to fear from my growing stronger. I think you'll find other wizards, easily, if you return to Golarion, but if your aim is to rule Cheliax then it would be better - for Cheliax, for the ease of your rule - if you had Chelish ones, and not the ones who hate us, and I would be honored to serve you in that. And I am not remotely under the impression that sending you off to a different plane from me and then hoping you're stuck there is a good strategy for my life expectancy or for anything else I care about, it's working fairly badly for the last people to try it. 

You can get truth spells in the City of Brass, if you want, if they sell scrolls at all; a competent spellcaster can often resist a truth spell, but if you cast it while someone is sleeping and then rouse them it'll work fine - uh, Cheliax uses pain, rather than sleep, but I expect you think that's inefficient and silly of them, and maybe it is. The problem is getting you competent to cast it from a scroll if you can't hire another caster. They might also have it as a magic item, in a format where it can't be resisted - I bet I could make that, so probably if there are actually competent magic item designers here unlike at home they'll have done it easily. 

They might have Modify Memory. If you want to make sure I don't remember how I summoned you. I barely do and I've been trying not to but it's the obvious thing anyone would want to know from me. You'll definitely need another proper spellcaster, for that one, or an item."

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He nods slowly. "Understood, Carissa Sevar. I accept your service, and will investigate both of those spells in the City of Brass." He will also check with Lucan and Lehali if she's lying to him, in which case he will need to obtain a caster for the Plane Shift other than her.

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Carissa is - kind of distracted, now, because it turns out if people spout heresy at you while you have Owl's Wisdom up, the Owl's Wisdom goes and helpfully highlights all the ways in which the heresy is appealing and interesting and better than just being a boring non-heretical Asmodean and yeah, sure, maybe when she's in Hell that will cause her some problems, but maybe she can look into becoming the kind of outsider that the Duke is instead of going to Hell. 

 

This seems like the opposite of what Owl's Wisdom is supposed to do for you, really. 

 

However, she does have a commitment that nothing awful will happen so long as she doesn't betray the Duke, so she has space to figure everything else out. She will just continue not betraying him. 

 

Did he...still want her to do some more summons or was that an excuse to walk out here?

 

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No, he totally did also want another ten flunkies on the floating castle, because he is now Wise!

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Well then she'll summon them and try to form snap impressions!

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Her snap impressions are that they were a lot less prepared to be summoned! Sikandros's first summoning (carried out with similar-to-usual looking lines of blazing flame) is for an alert and for waving small not-metal devices at people; then he dismissed her, waits two minutes, and has her summon up ten more flunkies, most of whom also look scary and impressive but not quite as scary and impressive as Sikandros; unlike his initial minions, they are mostly not showing up with backpacks full of Stuff. They all want to look at small metal or plastic devices and then don't conceal that they're reading something on them very well.

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Carissa assumes that if she is ever supposed to get instructions that aren't overheard she'll get a small metal or plastic device, which, she suspects, are Polymorphed with the infinite Polymorphs to contain the instructions. 

 

She tries to memorize scary names and faces and otherwise stay out of their way. Owl's Wisdom points out helpfully that she feels safest around scary people who want to hurt her and that this is probably objectively incorrect as a metric for who to feel safest around and probably if she wants to latch onto someone she should pick the ones who don't seem like they'd enjoy hurting her. 

Owl's Wisdom really sucks far more than advertised. 

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And then it's time to go back to the operations room! (Pala Lehali is back where she was.)

"My apologies for the delay," he says (with, to be clear, the same tone of calm menace that is part of his standard dictation; it does not particularly sound like an apology). "The magic revealed an error to me. The error has now been - mended."

His eyes flash over Pala Lehali and Lucan, and whatever imperceptible response they give satisfies him.

"There are also a few updates to the procurement file, which have been sent to you. Mendax will join us; I have reinforced the garrison, as Pala Lehali has been informed. We will use both the Chariot and the Phoenix on our visit to the City of Brass; d'Acier will pilot the first, Lorcain the second, and he can provide close aerial support duty in the in the event it is necessary."

"Now. Carissa had been going to explain the nature and status of prophecy in this region of reality?"

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" - before prophecy was broken, the gods and powerful magic users could see into the future - rounds or minutes most easily, but gods could sometimes see ahead centuries -- and identify the small interventions that would make events go in a way that served them. The Church of Asmodeus teaches that it was a useful way for gods to work around mortals being disobedient and stupid, though not the only such way available to Asmodeus, who is the most powerful of the gods. People outside the church of Asmodeus agree at least that prophecy existed, and was used by the gods to manipulate events, kill people as babies who'd rise to challenge them, select suitable kings, that sort of thing. 

A hundred years ago a god named Aroden tried to make Golarion his personal domain, so Asmodeus killed him - the church of Asmodeus claims that, other groups claim it's not known who was responsible though they don't find the claim it was Asmodeus incredible - and in the aftermath prophecy broke. The church of Asmodeus teaches that the gods can no longer foresee what will happen on Golarion, and I think other churches claim that too. The spells that worked through prophecy stopped working. Gods had to intervene much more directly and blatantly if they wanted mortals to not be disobedient and stupid. 

I don't think prophecy broke everywhere in Creation. But I don't actually know. So I don't know if it's broken here or not. If it's not, then the gods saw you coming at least since you arrived on this plane, and powerful magic users in the city will have low-level prophetic magic up to warn them of potential threats, maybe potential opportunities. I don't know any prophetic spells because of how they don't work on my home planet."

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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"That sounds like an excellent reason to shift our center of operations to Golarion as swiftly as possible," he says.

Also, that does indeed sound like Asmodeus is unlikely to be the lesser evil in this story, though you never know.

"You have my gratitude for this service, Carissa Sevar."

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What.

 

”Yes, my lord.”

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"Now, we'll want to arrange for means for rapid communication between the two groups..."

The Duke would be able to concentrate on this MUCH BETTER if he didn't have Owl's Wisdom, which seems wholly unfair. Apparently being Wise mostly just means that the little voice of worrying self-criticism gets much, much louder, which seems wholly unjust, especially since being more Intelligent ought to give him more ability to come up with plans to satisfy it.

Right now, his Owl's Wisdom says he should throw out the whole plan and immediately Plane Shift to Golarion, the only place where - 

... No, that's not his Owl's Wisdom, that's his instincts. He just spent hours traveling through the Elemental Plane of Fire, where he was vulnerable to prophecy. If a god wants to teleport someone in to mind control him, that's not something he can prevent except by immediately incapacitating any intruders. (The good Duke has, in fact, gotten a sufficient number of summaries of books describing spells out of the libraries mentioned by Carissa from his reports from back home to be aware that mind control exists.)

... The main thing his Owl's Wisdom is saying is that he's not invincible. He hates not being invincible. He loves power, and being an angel made him completely invulnerable to harm and also capable of just making anything he wanted. He could do without people. And now he's stuck dealing with an enemy who might be stronger than he is, and who can definitely work some ridiculous magic on him if they can first-strike him. And who can summon demons. He needs allies. Which means he needs to find allies.

The obviously correct first move is to pray to a god who is his friend, if any of the gods are his friend, which he cannot actually tell.

His brain is going in circles but so are his strategic options.

... On the one hand, getting better intelligence-enhancement is obviously correct. On the other, it's also an excuse for delay.

(This thinking will not particularly delay him making his preparations. He can multitask.)

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Carissa will listen closely and inject information about how local magic works when necessary and try to further puzzle through what the point was of thanking her for her service in explaining prophecy. Was he making fun of her? Who was the intended audience of the comment? Was he just trying to further reassure her that he's not going to take her out the instant it's convenient? She's decided to believe him about that, though she supposes it's generous to try to make the believing easier. 

If he wanted her willing cooperation, why tell her he plans to invade her country? What did he notice under Owl's Wisdom that he hadn't previously been noticing? Just that she wasn't a complete idiot and was going to notice her position wasn't safe?

Being this confused all the time is terrifying and she hopes soon she's just helping him kill the Chelish army, which will not be very confusing, though it will suck for all the Carissas who are in the Chelish army instead of by complete random chance among the invaders.

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And after some plotting, they are there! Carissa can dismiss their guide and they can get moving.

What does the City of Brass look like?

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Really cool! It's deeply unclear how gravity works here, but it doesn't matter too much if you can fly. There are bubbling rivers and waterfalls of lava, geysers of steam, fountains of molten metal, and elaborate buildings with incomprehensible signs out front. There are peoples flying these streets, most of them amorphous and alien, maybe 'fire elementals'. The air smells copperish. Periodically what passes for an atmosphere catches fire and everything is briefly whited out by roaring flames that subside as quickly as they started. 

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Carissa has Comprehend Languages up and can read signs.

 

"- that's a moneychanger....glassworker...theatre....uh, I think that's like a bar, though obviously it's not serving alcohol...oh, that's directing you to the slave market, on your left - inn....metalforger....brothel....oh, that one's a magic shop."

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Then the expeditionary group will descend! Carissa can see through the microscopic eyes hovering around the Tyrant (she has her choice of which of them to look through; the controls are simple enough) that the flying machine - what he called a 'chariot' - he, Lucan, d'Acier and Mendax are taking down looks rather like a crouched predator, some bird of prey with its wings ruffled, except in lines of glossy metal, painted in Sikandros's colors and with his faceted sigil stamped on it. All of them are ignoring the heat, and are carrying bulging bags full of diamonds.

When the flying chariot leaves, Carissa can see the castle from outside; it looks extremely imposing, with elaborate Gothic towers everywhere looming over everything, and not in the least as if it was built in the past few hours. (It is not actually that large, especially not compared to the vastness of the City of Brass, but it manages to do a good deal of towering nonetheless.)

They'll hover their chariot up beside the door, a piece of the chariot's wall will slide seamlessly open, and Sikandros, Lucan and Mendax will fly out and proceed into the magic shop, Sikandros allowing his flunkies to precede him.

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Pala Lehali looks visibly unhappy when the 'slave market' is mentioned, but does not do anything about it, yet. Pala Lehali does not like it, but she is capable of prioritization when absolutely necessary.

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Carissa is trying to pay attention to Pala Lehali, since she's very confusing and you especially want to pay attention to very confusing people. Her top guesses for why someone might be unhappy about the slave market are that they don't like the floating palace being full of slaves who are mortal and disobedient and annoying, that they don't like shopping trips and know some other part of the expedition will want to spend all day in the slave market, or that they have Andoran's ideological conviction that it's better to kill people than enslave them, because then they won't suffer where you can see them. She hopes it's not that last one.

(Owl's Wisdom has worn off by now.)

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The magic shop has two fairly terrifying snakelike people stationed near the entrance for security, and then lots of elegant displays for lots and lots of magic items.

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Duke Sikandros will sweep past them, treating them as mere furniture, then survey the shop with a disapproving air, while Lucan and Mendax go around looking at things and tut-tutting and occasionally talking in some language totally unknown to the Elemental Plane of Fire about how disappointed they are in the Elemental Plane of Fire.

Do the tiny spy cameras in fact continue working inside?

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Yep.

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She can't identify those incredibly cool-looking magic items without Detect Magic, though.

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They have a plan for this! Do any of the scrolls sold look to Carissa's nonmagical sight like they're probably scrolls of Scry? Alternatively, do any of the artifacts look like the sort of thing that does an at-will Detect Magic?

Alternatively alternatively, are any salespeople going to show up to try to make a sale?

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Yes! On all counts! Those glasses over there do Detect Magic permanently; that library of scrolls includes scrolls for an absurd number of things (does he want an invisible sphere that bites like a dog? a spell to be surrounded by opinionated, mildly aggressive daggers? the ability to summon a temporary metal cube covered in spikes? the ability to falsely convince someone they have smallpox?); and now that the invisible security have done some divinations with slightly puzzling results, a nervous salesalien is hurrying forward to ask how ze can be of assistance.

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Lucan will sniff the air with great superiority and say that his master, the great Duke Sikandros, who deigns to visit this inferior stall, has considered purchasing a few of its trinkets for some of his less valuable assistants, and then hand the salesalien off with a dismissive shrug to Mendax.

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And Mendax will explain - with remaining superiority to the salesalien, but engaging at something slightly closer to a level - that the minions of the great Duke Sikandros has some interest in a few of his trinkets and scrolls, such as this and this and this... and that he, perhaps, has some desire to see what the spellsilver of the City of Brass looks like, to compare its quality to that of Sikandros's own glorious realm...

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....sure! The trinkets and scrolls are available for sale at prices that Carissa says are only inflated by 40% or so over the cost of the materials.

Spellsilver is refined with heat, here; it is nothing like you'll find on any planet. (Ze does in fact produce a sample of cerium considerably purer than early industrial processes could reasonably attain.)

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" - I'm missing something, my lord; spellsilver is kept in oil, as it degrades on contact with the air, so that can't be spellsilver, though it does look exactly like it, and it'd be an odd lie because everyone knows that -"

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"What air?" murmurs Sikandros, quietly enough that he can't be heard through his helmet.

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And then Mendax will begin haggling viciously and enthusiastically. He will, of course, begin by asking the unit of money they use, and then go around looking at everything even slightly interesting and demanding prices and saying these are thievery and knavery and lies!

Can he, incidentally, get a price on a True Resurrection diamond? Ideally a price inflated on the assumption that this would be something ze or ze's friends would be selling to Mendax, instead of the other way around?

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"....ordinary air, my lord. I don't know what in the air is the part that is important."

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Sure! They sell those for about sixteen ounces of spellsilver, more if the spellsilver's not as good as theirs.

 

(Which price would cover about a quarter of the trinkets, if he's taking the quoted prices of the trinkets at face value.)

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In that case, Mendax will haggle a price for all the stuff that has vaguely caught his eye as interesting - get the best possible deal he can - turn to Lucan - 

Lucan will laugh. That trash? Of course not! Perhaps a few of the trinkets you might be able to afford, but -

And then Mendax will attempt to renegotiate a better price for the item or two, with the promise that he will, of course, return for the rest himself if His Grace's most expert surveyors determine that the quality is sufficient.

(Which items? Why, a couple scrolls of Scrying, the goggles of Detect Magic, and other fairly low-valued items that are probably not faked.)

And once a price has been arranged, Mendax can casually offer to pay with a True Resurrection grade diamond to pay for it, and demand a variety of other goods to make up the price up to the value of the diamond.

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....the staff in the back of the shop will need to do some testing of that diamond. To make sure it's legitimate, you see. 

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Oh, of course, it's not like it's his only one.

Provided they swear an oath on their Law to return the same diamond in the same condition as he gave it to him within (Carissa's best estimate of how long the tests should take plus ten percent).

(He will clearly, obviously, visibly, not make a request that they do this without attacking him, because he is too obviously looking forwards to a fight for that to be Wise.)

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But of course. This is a respectable establishment. 

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"If they think they can take you they'll try. After bringing the diamond back, or potentially before the time's up." says Carissa. Presumably others have noticed this and she has no particular advantage at reading aliens but some things are the same in every world.

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Sikandros will quietly show off his ridiculous Polymorph skills by turning a random non-diamond rock from his pouch (it was a diamond until thirty seconds ago) into a portrait while visibly Hasted.

The rest of the team also becomes visibly Hasted, if less so, and d'Acier has a flying chariot outside with osmium in the walls and tubes attached that probably spew alchemist's fire, tubes that spew alchemist's fire are at least known?

(Also Lorcain is flying overhead in his own, much, much heavier-armed warship, but that is not immediately obvious. And camera-bots are following the salesalien into the back!)

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They have antiscrying and Alarm magic up to make sure they aren't overheard. The camera-bots are still recording fine, but they can't transmit back until they leave the room.

 

 

 

 

.....the consensus in the back is that they are NOT confident they can take these people in a fight. Backup is on the way, but the best move is probably to finish the deal and slip in a couple items that do tracking and spying, for potential followup later on.

 

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One of the new-summoned flunkies of Sikandros's angeling the cameras will cycle a bot out when it doesn't seem to be getting signal, observe what actually happened, and try to coordinate with a couple of other flunkies to handle cycling them in and out appropriately, a process that involves some angelic Haste that Carissa can witness.

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Yes, yes, she's very jealous, presumably someday someone'll have the time to torture her for a thousand years until she's that cool. 

 

 

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The salesalien returns to say that the diamond is good and they're happy to round out Mendax's purchase with some other valuable items that he mentioned interest in, say how about this and this other one?

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Mmm... this one's all right, but not that other one, it looks terrible quality, how about that one - 

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- sure. That one's actually cheaper, so the store could also throw in one of these two he liked earlier?

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Why not.

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Lovely. Delightful doing business with you. Is that all.

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Yup!

The next step consists of them leaving, slapping all the objects that were suggested as good spying targets in soundproof osmium-lined boxes which they will leave in the Chariot when they arrive, and flying back to the castle, there to have Carissa test the magic loot they've accumulated while they manufacture spellsilver by the ton.

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Carissa loves this part of her job. "The scrolls are functional ones. The goggles look legitimate, too. This is a heating-stone, they're cheap and easy, Cheliax issues them standard. This is a functional wind-caller's compass, which I'd really only expect to see a ship's wizard using.

This - wow, they did something really complicated here, it's really lovely - okay, I think if you drink this it'll function as a scrying spell like Arcane Eye, and also tortures you a little bit? - if you want me on nonlethal testing I want to add a personal slave to the shopping list - summoning shackle,, this enhances normal summons but I doubt it'll do anything for your kind -"

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Sikandros's one great gift, socially speaking, is at recognizing competent people. This does not, of course, let him recognize that Carissa Sevar is Carissa Sevar, but he is therefore not only amused and entertained by how much she's enjoying herself, but he is enjoyed and entertained by watching an very competent person work.

"Alas, I have no plans for potion testing, nor for gathering slaves in the City of Brass," he says, "since we will not stay here for long. If there are no tracking-spells you've missed..."

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We are going to come back here with an army and burn this place to the ground, right?

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Take over, please. It's not going to get more on fire than it already is.

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"I haven't missed a tracking spell." How much of an idiot does he think she is. 

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"On your head be the error of the boast, and on your shoulders the glory of it," he says. "Ready the scry. We descend once more anon."

With crates full of airtight cylinders of cerium sealed inside high-melting-point-glass, of course.

To a different magic shop, also of course.

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This magic shop's entrance opens into a demiplane, a spectacular space with six suns in the sky and crystal walls and floors through which the goods are visible. Security takes the form of several thousand highly magical fast-moving thimble-like things that scurry across the doorframe as they enter.  

 

(Standard electronics do not function across demiplanes.)

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This time they've got Lorcain piloting the ship, since one of the other flunkies is certified in the use of strike drones, and so along with Sikandros looking bored, Lucan looking superior, and Mendax looking affable, there is d'Acier, looking stoic and hovering a small pallet of spellsilver in front of her.

Carissa's scry does work, right?

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Scries can cross planes; otherwise, how would anyone know anything about the afterlives?

 

Carissa is looking at ALL THE MAGIC ITEMS and it's great.

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Yup!

So, how about she starts pointing out all the ones they want to buy? She's got a copy of their shopping list and can also make suggestions if she has any!

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Cloaks of resistance! Rings of sustenance! Headbaaaaaands! Belts of physical might! A necklace of adaptation so Carissa can breathe in the elemental plane of fire! Metamagic rods! She doesn't actually need those, they're not very useful outside combat, but hey, you never know when you'll be in combat!!  Mantles of spell resistance!! ...those are sniper goggles! They're not really useful for spellcasters but she's never seen them before and she just wants to stare at them for the next while so she'll be able to make them herself, if that's all right! 



WOW THEY HAVE AN AMULET OF THE PLANES!!! SHE'S ONLY HEARD ABOUT THOSE IN LEGEND! 

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Sikandros is totally happy to buy Carissa random magic items so she can study them, but any information she provides him will be slightly mitigated in enthusiasm by the time it reaches Mendax, agent of Lucan, agent of the great Duke Sikandros, who deigns to obtain a few trinkets for his least favored servants...

(Sikandros also loves haggling, but he's a card held in reserve for if neither Mendax nor Lucan can actually get a decent price.)

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They're overcharging, but not that egregiously. You can't just have a rich being walk into your magic store and not overcharge them at all.

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Carissa's not even clear on why the Duke cares, what with how it takes him like five minutes to make a volume of spellsilver. Probably this has to do with the theological concept of Pride, which the Duke seems to possess aplenty.

 

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Also there aren't that many people in the universe who could make an item as sophisticated as this, it's nearly irreplaceable!

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Okay, that's just nonsense, yes it's very fancy but Carissa could totally do it herself now that she's seen it. They probably have on staff a fifth circle wizard who isn't egregiously incompetent.

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Bah! His master's juniormost craftswizard can craft six like it; the only reason for buying a seventh is to spare her attention!

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Well, that's just nonsense; this shop employs the services of an eighth circle wizard, barely short of godhood, and he alone can craft such things. If they can craft it themselves, then they may as well. 

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Eighth circle? How dare he lie to an agent of the great Duke Sikandros! But admittedly his master's wizards are slightly overburdened, so perhaps he could raise his offer very slightly...

(Mendax is having a great deal of fun.)

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They're not lying and kind of exasperated! But maybe if he goes up a little higher....

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Mendax will eventually come to a price on most - possibly all - of the shiny magic items. After enjoying himself.

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That's SO MANY MAGIC ITEMS. 

 

Carissa is not expecting that they will be handed to her but probably she will be allowed to look at all of them so that she can learn how to make them herself, and so she can check if any of them are cursed.

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That's the idea! The spellsilver can be handed over, the magic items can be crated (with new crates that are shaped out of the air) for transport, and they can get back in their flying chariot to head straight home.

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"I don't know if you're allowed to do this by the terms of whatever treaties there are but you could conquer the whole world with this," Carissa informs whoever's keeping track of her once the magic items are on the way back.

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"I have considered the possibility," says Duke Sikandros. "I am presently leaning against it. The gods," he adds drily, "might take offense." And the lesson of the wars of decolonization, which he witnessed from a distance in his youth, that while ten may conquer ten thousand, they cannot rule them against their active resistance.

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"...Asmodeus is going to take offense even if you only take Cheliax. Cheliax is His."

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"And yet I still find myself preferring to engage one god than ten." He pauses, and then, because he is incapable of not saying this even if he has no actual intention of following through by the laws of supervillain cliches, of which he is a proud example, "For now."

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" - I guess as long as you still run Cheliax properly maybe Asmodeus will think it's fine," Carissa says dubiously. 

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And then it is time for her to check the Bags of Holding and the fanciest headbands and maybe the shiniest mantle of Spell Resistance to see if they're cursed? And then they'll want to head to Golarion, unless the fanciest headbands encourages Sikandros to do something different.

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She took the Duke's casual death threat with respect to screwing up the magic item identification to heart, not that she thinks it'll be hard to perform to expectations there, so she's doing the proper kind of checking where she breaks the enchantment and then fixes it so no illusory Magic Aura can fool her for each item. It'll take a little while. 

 

Bags of Holding: not cursed.

Fanciest headband (it's a 4/4/4): not cursed.

Shiniest mantle of spell resistance: not cursed. 

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Then Sikandros can put on the headband - 

(His body language changes slightly, but only slightly; he had already been outside the range of Splendor found in people that a typical individual will meet in their life, but now he is outside the humanly possible range, and his arrogant glory rises)

- And again realizes the mistakes they are making.

They do not, by and large, have a plan; they intend to investigate the situation in Absalom, but 'investigate' is poorly penciled-in, and obviously quite a lot of people are going to have questions about them... and however much of an advantage all these items may be 

- Sweep the mantle of spell resistance on (he can remove it when it becomes time to do that), order the disassembly of the fortress and for his Changer henchmen to begin the filling of the Bags of Holding with the rest of the items and the miscellaneous loot he's collected (and the hard-to-replace bits, especially) on the grounds that those will be useful, and while everyone is stuffing stuff into sacks -

"So, Carissa. What is the full list of spells required to turn the next castle I build into a teleportation-proof, Scry-proof fortress, and where would I go to get them cast?"

He's probably going to be in (or above) Absalom for a while, and floating doom fortresses are very stylish.

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" - you probably want to do it in a demiplane if you can, my lord, those being very hard to access, with a Forbiddance up to prohibit transit in or out via magic, and Mage's Private Sanctum made permanent to make all divinations fail."

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Except he's ludicrously rich, so she should be more ambitious. "...and probably an atmosphere that's unbreathable for mortals in most places, to make it inconvenient for familiars or people Polymorphed into vermin to come in or to send summoned creatures in; you could have unimportant mortal-friendly areas and give mortals who have important business necklaces of adaptation.

The whole thing can be made of metals that deflect divinations, and the parts that aren't under a Forbiddance can be under a Teleport Trap that redirects attempts at interdimensional transit to a containment area, usually within an antimagic field. 

You can have different Forbiddances targeting different alignments to ensure no one can enter without being damaged.

You can chain a couple of demiplanes and have the outermost be one where magic doesn't work at all to make it difficult for anyone to fight their way in, though that needs a ninth circle caster and there aren't many of those, and few who are Evil and trustworthy."

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... You know, all this makes a lot of sense. "Does prophecy function on demiplanes?" He considers. "And where would I find a mage to cast me these spells, of demiplane-crafting and of Forbiddance and of the Mage's Private Sanctum?"

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"I can cast Mage's Private Sanctum every day, and it lasts a full day, but I can't make it permanent; you need a seventh-circle caster for that. You can probably hire one in Absalom or Goka, if not in the City of Brass. A seventh circle caster can also make a demiplane but not one under their perfect control, with magic and time itself functioning as they command; you need a ninth circle caster for that, and those are hard to hire for mere material resources even in arbitrary quantity. Forbiddance needs a cleric. I'm not sure if the Church of Asmodeus is going to approve of your plans, and I don't know how other clerics are hired. 

I...might be able to make a demiplane from a scroll, if you wanted to do a demiplane but with the creator better under your control than is easily effected with a seventh circle caster. I don't know. It's an eight hour casting and the sort of thing that's supposed to actually be hard."

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"And the teleport trap, and permanent antimagic fields?" Which he can probably function inside?

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"I know those can be made permanent, wizards who build cool wizard towers have those, but I don't know at what caster circle or what degree of required skill."

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Something Carissa doesn't know! How novel! "And how large an area does the Private Sanctum cover?"

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"About a room, at my ability level. - 250 square feet, maybe a bit more."

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"Hmm." He is, indeed, disappointed. That's not much of a castle.

"Understood. As soon as the disassembly is complete -" (he does not actually intend to leave the City of Brass with a physics-compatible flying castle to disassemble) "- you will Plane Shift the rest of us to Absalom. We will there construct a material castle to hold us until the demiplanes can be prepared, before inspecting the rest of the items and summoning a full set of reinforcements." Did he happen to pick up a scroll of Mage's Private Sanctum while he was shopping, or will he need to get that in Absalom? "Once we have done that, my next priorities are to increase my knowledge of the local gods and to obtain the required Forbiddances and other wards for the castle, permanently cast."

Should he, in fact, be teleporting to Absalom? Yes, probably; any other alternative means handing himself over to one of the gods (Iomedae. It means handing himself over to Iomedae.) and he has no idea if any of them are on his side. He can have some of his angels tour temples to the various gods disguised as mortals and with Carissa watching through a scry and with heavy artillery ready to back them up if they are Dominated, and then he can make his alliances and carry out his strike.

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"Yes, my lord." The castle won't even stand out. The outskirts of Absalom are full of castles and siege towers and wizard-workings, some of them thousands of years old. It's Absalom.

 

She'd be excited to see it, except Cheliax will be looking for her and it'd be madness to let her out of a golden-webbed highly secure location. Well, seeing it through a scry is nearly as good. 

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All right then! As the castle dwindles to a single room (which rather resembles the one where they started), he can shrug the Mantle of Spell Resistance off to allow her to target him, she can dismiss all the angels except his core group (and one more, since he doesn't need the last slot for a dedicated caster), he can hand her the Plane Shift scroll, and -

"Absalom."

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She's actually, seriously, honestly not going to betray him, but it still feels - 

 

 

- something

 

 

- to have the opportunity. It's like if she died and Pharasma told her she got her pick of afterlives actually. You can't trust mortals with that kind of thing. Maybe he'll reveal after the fact that there are tracking spells embedded in her skull and she'll feel a bit more like the world is in its proper order. 

 

They picked up a tuning fork for the Material on the shopping spree. She holds it and thinks of Absalom but not too hard because everyone knows Plane Shift will land you somewhere random only moderately near your target. 

 

And she Plane Shifts them.

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They land in some ocean! It doesn't immediately have helpful distinguishing features that would tell them which bit of ocean. It's salty. 

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It really takes very little time for seven angels to cause a boat to be there, though it admittedly starts out looking like a raft, and then a boat sort of forms out of it once they're on it, and then a very large platform, and then they start building a flying castle, complete with propellers and dramatic turrets that are, in fact, very light, thin metal stretched over not a lot of helium in rather a lot of space.

Sikandros does not spend very long drenched, but it is a bedraggled and uncomfortable not very long, considering that his natural state in water is to sink.

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"Not a very accurate spell, is it?" Mendax asks Carissa.

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Like a sensible Corentyn-born person, Carissa can swim; like a sensible Worldwound-trained wizard, she treats immersion in cold water as a deadly threat and dried herself off the second there was ground to stand on. She's not much help with the INFINITE POLYMORPHING, now, so she's standing there doing a second round of drying.

 

 

...is he mad. He looks maybe kind of mad. She can never tell when these people are ADMINISTERING DISCIPLINE versus when they are MAKING SMALL TALK. 

 

 

"No, sir, it's not."

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"So I see," he says.

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"Carissa, begin on the summonings while we finish the castle. Lorcain, inscribe the circles for her."

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And Lorcain, who has gotten the instructions on how to pretend circles work, is happy to recreate all of the Duke's extremely fancy lines of flame, though he doesn't have quite the precision with the smoke and flash that Sikandros does.

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Carissa would really prefer STANDARD PUNISHMENTS to VAGUE SMIRKING AT HER UNTIL SHE IS RESCUED BY SOMEONE HIGHER RANKING. Everyone else is probably going to build up so much resentment and she's going to have such a bad time once the Duke is sick of intervening for her. 

 

She will finish the circles. 

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By the time she's done with that, the castle will be drifting Absalom-wards and Lehali will arrive to meet Lorcain, and - "You're on the Phoenix." (Lorcain nods.) "Carissa Sevar, I am here to supervise your continued safety-checking of the magic items."

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Magic items!!!! Carissa gets to break and repair things that are worth more than she'll make in her entire life!! (Some people might be scared they will fail at the 'repair' step but it's not actually that hard.)

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She will of course be dignified and respectful around Pala Lehali, who is both clearly important in the Duke's organization and is a particularly terrifying and confusing person whose good side you definitely want to stay on.

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Pala Lehali will visibly smile as she gets to watch Carissa have fun making magic items! If Carissa is willing to explain what she is doing Pala Lehali will eagerly listen and soak up some Spellcraft!

(Pala Lehali is also providing bodyguarding and supervision for Carissa, as is one of the other scary-looking angels, Murgon, who appears as a craggy statue of black stone in a plain tunic with steel wings and flaming eyes, with a broad-bladed claymore in a scabbard of scarlet leather ready to draw by his side.)

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Carissa assumes she will be supervised at least until the war with Cheliax is over, but everyone's being very polite about it. She just wishes she knew whether that meant she is still a sufficiently fluffy chinchilla and they're having a good time or whether they are building up grievances they're not allowed to take out on her. 

 

The magic items are mostly not cursed, with two exceptions, probably just as a matter of pride for the magic shop: one of the Cloaks of Resistance is impossible to remove and does not apply its bonus against efreeti and one of the Necklaces of Adaptation will strangle you if the command word is spoken. "Honestly that's very useful, by your leave I want to see if I can repair and copy it."

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"As you wish," says Lehali.

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And Duke Sikandros will sweep in, Lucan and Mendax behind him, survey the various artifacts, and nod.

"Good work, and swift. We approach Absalom."

He will hesitate a precisely-measured beat, double-check his model of Carissa, and decide that the most entertaining option is in fact - "Kneel."

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It's not that she doesn't experience a horrible jolt of terror, but that only happens because mortals are weak and useless; he said he wouldn't kill her, so he won't, so she shouldn't actually be scared. 

 

And he is entitled to her obedience and her loyalty; she traded it and she has gotten her side of the trade. If he's angry they landed off-course, or irritated she didn't catch the two cursed items through the scry in the shop, she isn't so fragile she can't bear it. 

 

She kneels and only looks a tiny bit like someone who is good at thinking of awful things that could happen to her. 

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And he will calmly take the most powerful Headband of Intelligence that she has identified for him between his armored hands, and place it ceremoniously on her head, then wrap one of the more powerful Cloaks of Resistance around her shoulders.

"Rise rewarded, Carissa Sevar."

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And all the other angels will clap.

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Because mortals are useless and terrible, the thing Carissa's brain chooses to do about being BETTER AND SMARTER is - stall out completely. 

 

what

how 

why

oh no she needs to - do something say something -

Stand up. That is the thing she was literally told to do, she can at minimum do that. 

 

- if he gave her a standard headband he could hold a good one over her for better performance - if he gave her a good one he could motivate her with the offer of occasional access to a great one -

- if he just gives her the great one, then what??? there's nothing else to give her!!!

She's smarter but not smart enough that decision makes sense. 

Except it kind of does, inside some world that's too nice to visit, too nice even to look in on for very long, some world where he - just wants her to be stronger - 

 

 

Orient yourself, Carissa, it's important. In Hell, devils are made as strong as they can be; it wouldn't serve Asmodeus for a devil to be weaker than it had the capacity to become. There's nothing heretical about it; it's not niceness. He explained that he just wanted her to have a lot to lose by disobedience, and a lot to gain by obedience. And it was cheap for him. 

"I am honored to serve you, my lord," she says, fervently but probably not an embarrassing amount of fervently. 

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"As I am honored by your service," he says. "We approach Absalom." Lucan will collect the rest of the magic items, barring a scroll of Mage's Private Sanctum, which he will hand to Carissa. "Follow," Sikandros says.

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Is that heretical? She thinks you're not supposed to be honored by things you're entitled to by right. She doesn't honor the Queen with her service, she just is a subject of the Queen. 

....she can worry about that later. Right now she can follow. 

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To the Tyrant's throne room, which is 250 square feet exactly! (And is, therefore, a little cramped; there's an antechamber in front of it with walls that can be angeled down in a hurry, if they need to expand it to impress a visitor.)

"Ward the room," he directs.

And then while she does that, he is going to begin bestowing magical items on the rest of his party! He's keeping a number of the most powerful ones for himself, but most of the rest are being distributed amongst his flunkies, with clapping as they are awarded, and in many cases specific (albeit often incomprehensible-to-Carissa) references to exactly what they're awarded for.

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Probably most of the references are to glorious victories over other nations or beings that offended the Duke. Carissa will try to keep track of who is awarded, and of what for, even if it doesn't make any sense. And she'll ward the room.

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And then Lucan can gesture her to a spot amongst the vassals, and Sikandros can award her with stuff too! In particular, a large chest of scrolls "for her clever advice in her service as guide."

(He will also award his vassals with somewhat fancier items than he was giving previously, for reasons of not giving away to the hypothetical scrier that his team had them.)

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This is all very lovely and it's weird how she hates it and would much rather have been scolded for some minor mistake and then hurt until everyone was satisfied she wouldn't make it again. 

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....though those are some extremely cool scrolls. 

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And then it's time to angel away a few of the walls and haul in some electronics, dispatch most of his team to various defensive roles (in groups, of course, so someone can check for mind control) and turn this into an operations room! (Since they only had one scroll of Mage's Private Sanctum and Carissa can't cast it until tomorrow.)

"Our plan," he says to Carissa, as the towering castle approaches the isle of Absalom, "is to send out disguised scouts into the city of Absalom under your Scrying and mine own tracking methods, there to investigate the city and survey the situation amongst the powers of the world here in Absalom, whilst I investigate by my own means." Which means spy cameras everywhere.

He tilts his armored head. "Assuming Absalom does not deign to speak with us first."

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"Absalom's not a proper tyranny, my lord, it might not be clear who'd authorize speaking to you."

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"Then the plan will proceed without them," he says.

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"Any news on the wizard who might or might not be invading?" Mavelar Merseigor asks over afternoon tea, of his familiar, which is a parrot (chosen long ago when he was a young wizard student because it could talk before he became powerful enough to communicate telepathically with it.)

        "Lots! Most of it lies, though," Perry (he also named it when he was a young wizard student) says cheerfully back. "It's Aroden returning, it's Nex returning, it's Geb returning, it's Tar-Baphon returning..."

"People have no imagination. They're convinced anything that impresses them personally can only be done by a figure from legend. Lazy, ignorant fools. You should peck their eyes out."

       "That's how we got kicked out of the Rotting Plank, Mav."

"Well, don't do it when the waitress is watching. What else have you got."

        "Some people think it might be Razmir, ready to try godhood for real."

"The castle's not tacky enough."

         "Or Nefreti Clepati, up to something incomprehensible."

"The castle's too tacky. It's meant to look impressive, instead of impressing you incidentally because something that far from human managed to remember how our physics work at all and sometimes even abided by them."

         "You were drunk that time we visited the Temple of the All-Seeing Eye, boss. It doesn't freak most people out that badly."

"I was not freaked out - ahem. other news?"

         "The Primarch has called for the heroes of Absalom to come to the city's defense, should it be necessary -"

"Yeah, yeah, no way am I sitting this one out. Opportunities to hit eighth circle don't waltz in on a flying silver platter every day. But I doubt they're here for a fight."

         "Glad to hear it, Mav."

"So you should fly out there and ask what they do want."

         "Or maybe you should fly out there and ask what they do want."

"Fair enough. Shall we draw straws for it?"

        "You'll cheat."

"So will you."

        "You'll cheat more. Send an apprentice."

"Now, that's just mean."

          "Hey, opportunities to hit fourth circle don't show up every day on a flying silver platter."

 

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(A terrified, flying scrawny teenage boy is thus the first representative of Absalom to approach the flying castle that is maybe going to invade.)

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The scrawny, flying teenage boy can observe that the castle's surface is pocked with looming Gothic archways, all of which are sealed with massive slabs of stone. (Actually a thin stone surface over osmium-cored steel, but we can forget that.)

Except one, which sliiides open when he approaches.

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Well he's not dead yet so that's good news! All not being dead is good news!

 

 

He flies for the open archway.

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The castle, as he comes near, is clearly rumbling as it moves! Just to make things worse.

The entrance is decorated with extensive arches, strange runes in an unknown language, and there's a constant breeze inside, 

There are two gigantic (actually, Large, and not by much, but in close proximity...) guards inside! The one on the apprentice's left is red-skinned and flat-faced, with sweeping horns, enormous muscles covered in molded plate armor in red and black, and a long, curved, razor-edged sword sheathed behind his left hip. The one on the right looks like a humanoid panther in scales of overlapping lamellar, with a slit eyes and a fanged maw, bearing a dao by her side. Both have color-coordinated wings, miscellaneous low-to-mid level magic items, and are wearing surcoats quartered between personal arms (an oni-mask in black on gold, and white crossed spears on red) and Duke Sikandros's black ring on red.

In Taldane, with a Chelish accent, the one on the left will say, "Duke Sikandros welcomes you, messenger of Absalom."

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Wow this is EVEN WORSE than he was expecting in every respect other than how he STILL ISN'T DEAD. 

"Duke Sikandros," he repeats aloud because otherwise he is totally going to forget the name. "Duke Sikandros."

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"State your name, mortal," the guard continues, "and that which you serve."

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"Uh, I'm Arber, an apprentice of Mavelar Merseigor, and probably reporting to him unless, you know, you pay me to do something else." Mav is, of course, scrying, and also doesn't mind being betrayed; half his apprentices are reporting on him to various rivals and he says it's great because he doesn't have to pay them as much himself. 

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"And what excuse do you give for your presence here, on the very threshold of my master's domain?

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"Actually, when I showed up here it was just empty air. You're the ones who showed up. ...if you don't want your castle approached you probably want to go park it halfway to Arcadia or something. Or I guess you could just kill everyone who shows up and figure they'll mostly get the message, only I'd rather you threw my body overboard, if you do that."

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The panther's eyes narrow, but the devil laughs. "Boldness may charm our master, but rashness will mean your end. If you speak only for one man, than begone!" His mouth curves into a harsh smile. "You may tell your master that the Duke is here on a shopping trip, if you so dare."

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Arber will absolutely take the opportunity to escape with his life!

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"Told you," Mav says to Perry. "Not here to conquer everything. Too bad. I kind of want to beat 'em up now."

     "Could still go badly," says Perry. "Shopping trips often do."

"That was once. Okay, let's sell everyone the news that castle guy says he's here for a shopping trip but won't entertain anyone who 'speaks for only one man'. For, like, a hundred gold a pop, except charge Krimina eight hundred seventy two."

       "Eight hundred seventy two?"

"She knows what she did. Then, once you've done that, stop by South Square and pick up a random beggar so we can send someone back speaking for two men, see if that goes any better."

        "At some point, you're gonna piss castle guy off, boss."

"And what's he going to do about it?" 

        "Well, if we knew that, boss, we could sell it for more than a hundred gold."

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And, once the castle has progressed enough, it will rumble to a stop, just outside of Absalom's walls! Then a flood of mosquito-drones descends on Absalom! (For certain limited values of flood, that means 'a couple dozen'; in the event that Sikandros wants more than came in the initial box he purchased them in, he's going to need his lieutenant back home - a woman from the seventeenth century whose descendants include most of the population of the United States - to go back to the store and get more.)

What's the city look like?

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Absalom has around a million inhabitants, which isn't very impressive for a modern Earth city but is very impressive for a Golarion city. Its streets are laid out eccentrically, clearly the result of a city outgrowing its walls again and then again and then again, mostly sprawling along the coast and the rivers rather than inland because inland looks...dead. Very dead, actually, sheer spiky obsidian with nothing growing on it, as far as the eye can see, periodically interrupted by wizard-towers and wizard-castles and wizard-dungeons and of course Nex's long-abandoned mile-high siege tower, looming over everything. 

On an island -- the river parts to go around it -- in the center of the city there is an ominous castle shrouded in mist. There's a moat around it of void, extending down as far as the eye can see, and no apparent ways in except flight.

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How about radio? The camera's got automatic instructions to turn around and go back if it loses touch with the signal.

(Also, possibly more important: Does this look like a plague-ridden third-world country where everyone is malnutritioned and half the people are starving?)

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The shrouded castle kills radio. The camera does not return. 

 

Absalom looks like London in 1800! (with some added wizards). London in 1800 was the capital of the world!!! Yes, it did also have some plagues and some starvation, but there's nowhere richer and more alive and exciting!!

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... This city offends Sikandros's dignity by not being richer.

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Well, on with the plan. Camera operators, your job is to pilot cameras up to every temple in the city to spy on them to see if they're nefarious. Also, investigate charities to see if they're temple-run, and if they are, if they're doing anything nefarious. Guards, your job is to guard. Remember to fill every corridor you aren't using with golden chains, they're aesthetic we don't want to be spied on.

And we can work on preparations for the personal investigation. Also for distributing lots of valuable resources in exchange for all their magic items.

Sikandros wishes he had a demon he could trust. That would make all of this so much easier.

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Meanwhile, in a demiplane far far away, a serious man in nondescript cotton clothes -- which identify him, somewhat unavoidably, as from before the invention of the modern textile industry, but not as from any country or region beyond that --meticulously copies the messy Planar Binding circle that Carissa Sevar completed at the bottom of a pit.

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An angel appears! He has fluffy white wings with lots of feathers and perfect hair and is generally very good-looking, albeit in a way that resembles no ethnicity on Earth or Cheliax, and a genuinely charming smile. He's wearing slacks and a T-shirt with holes in the back for his wings.

"Hey!" he says, in the native language and accent of whoever's talking to him. "Are you with Davidson's?"

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...the man speaks six languages fluently, and was planning to not address the angel in Chelish Taldane. But -

 

"No, sorry," he says in a matchingly cheerful tone. 

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"Huh."

... He'll look at the summoning circle. Not having Chelish dignity, he is VISIBLY SURPRISED by it.

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Detect Thoughts.

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He's thinking that this does not look like a normal circle! They're usually not drawn in powdered silver, and they usually have bindings, and they're usually not that, you know... weird.

Look on the upside, he just got six languages! Score! Take THAT, linguistics club, he's never even HEARD these ones before!

"Man, what's with the circle?"

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"It's how my friend told me to do it, though even odds she was trying to get me killed. Was she?"

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"Holy shit, you have terrible friends!" He is totally sincere about this! People just don't do that! "That's a really nasty prank to pull on someone." Angels are mostly good people, but there are assholes out there who'd love to go around doing whatever. "Man, you can look up how to do a better circle on the internet and get better advice than that." And that's saying something.

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"Well, I'm lucky I got you, I guess. What am I doing wrong?"

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"Uh -" He'll pull something that looks like a small metamagic rod out of his pocket, point it at a wall, and a screen will appear in midair, visible to both of them. A bewildering cascade of images will appear on it, before settling on a blank off-white page with text in a foreign language. (His thoughts are all of incomprehensible things related to that.) "No internet?" This is super weird, he should be able to get a connection anywhere. What's with this place?

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"Yeah, uh, there's no internet here, it's really inconvenient. It's why I had to go off what my friend said."

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"That's bizarre. Where's 'here?'" It's got to be something really weird to have so many different languages, maybe some weirdo space colony, but, like, most of the planets have internet! Maybe it's some kind of cult? Or, like, Pluto?

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"Oh, well, we're trying to start our own colony. To live independently, you know, out in space, where no one can tell us what to do."

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This is clearly not a very well-managed space colony, and not one who really wants to be a part of. "Fair enough. So what did you summon me for?" He doesn't actually have a medical degree, he keeps putting it off, and while he plays a mean recorder he kinda doubts that's what Bad Friend Space Nuts want to summon an unbound angel for.

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"Mostly I just wanted to check if the circle was a fake one before, you know, I really need it for anything, and I guess maybe get a better one, if it's lousy."

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... "Fair enough. I bet someone's got a better one on their computer, though," someone on this stupid colony's got to have decent circles, they wouldn't go without them, unless, like, this guy's some kinda detector from his screwed-up cult or something. They're on the internet! You can print them out, then trace over them!

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"Maybe so. Thanks for, uh, not murdering me or whatever."

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"Man, don't mention it."

Awkward pause. Is he going to dismiss him now?

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"....I've never done this before, how do I dismiss you?"

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"Oh, uh, just concentrate on it for like a minute."

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"...concentrate on what."

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"... On dismissing me?"

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.....sure! He'll do that. 

 

What a weird magic system. He doesn't even appear to have a spell up.

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And the angel disappears!

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"Why'd you address him in Taldane."

       "He addressed me in Taldane, sir, I'd just have been calling attention to it - he doesn't speak it, right, it was some form of truespeech -"

"Not truespeech, because it sounded like Taldane to Lrilatha as well."

       " - hmm. Something like Tongues which permits addressing the summoner in their native tongue, then - "

"Thoughts included that he'd 'gotten six new languages'."

       "...copies over the state of your mind when you summon them? But then bluffing wouldn't have worked."

"It's a bit of a sideshow anyway. What we need to know is how, other than volitionally dismissing them, one makes them go away; once we have that, we figure out the rest at our leisure."

        "What's wrong with just dragging the bitch to Hell and getting her to volitionally dismiss it."

"Oh, should I take the Wish diamond for that out of your paycheck? Because I'd sooner not have it coming out of mine, if it turns out there's some easier way."

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The cameras descend! He can have a Sevar-scried agent follow up on the most likely possibility (or go on a shopping trip), both for potential allies amongst the gods and for the vitally important question of who is most trustworthy who can cast Forbiddance. He assumes nobody is just... selling cleric spells, in a trustworthy manner?

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Oh, the church of Abadar totally does that! Their prices are posted outside their temple in eight different languages, including the added price for a rush order! (They only go up through seventh circle; apparently Abadar doesn't have an eighth or ninth circle cleric on call here.)

 

Abadar is, after all, the god of just selling and buying things in a trustworthy manner.

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The Church of Sarenrae is doing routine mass healings for free (everyone crowds around the cleric in a purpose-built room) and sorting out a lot of people anxious about the possible wizard war portended by the sky castle. Wizard wars sometimes have collateral damage. There is also a soup kitchen with very long lines. 

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The Church of Iomedae is gearing up to, if necessary, fight the sky castle. They have asked Iomedae if sky castle wizard is here to try to ascend and if so if sky castle wizard should be permitted to do that. Iomedae hasn't yet replied. As a result there's a lot of tense organized chaos, though they're still managing scheduled mass healings of their own. They do not have a soup kitchen but they have a training yard anyone can join. 

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... Oh, bullshit. 

Okay, the gods now know about him. In retrospect the FLYING SKY CASTLE idea was a poor one, he just did not really... consider... not showing up in a giant flying sky castle.

Why did he not consider not showing up in a flying sky castle.

He really didn't get that far.

WHY did he not get that far??? His superior Wisdom is mostly just saying things like "because you got in the habit of going places in a flying sky castle," what with that being how he normally travels, and "because at no point did you actually think." His superior Intelligence is suggesting better ways to carry out the plan in retrospect none of which are now viable.

So much for any advantage of surprise whatsoever.

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Right. So. His first priority is the Forbiddance. The gods presumably are not thinking en masse about him being a threat; they don't have prophecy. They may know what's happening in here anyway, but...

... He should ally with one of them or more than one of them they are handing out overwhelming magical power like candy he cannot fight more than one of them at once he needs more information.

No, actual first priority: Put his Angelic Theology Expert on determining whether Abadar is trustworthy or not. If he is a God Of Doing Stuff For Money he may be a mercenary or he may be willing to sell trustworthiness, and Sikandros can leverage one completely trustworthy source into all the information everyone on this world starts with.

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Lehali is, in an important sense, all right with Sikandros terrorizing people. Most people, she thinks, are made better, not worse, by being put into high-stakes situations; discovering that actually you can stand up to the evil overlord while not actually having stakes that put you under threat is real and good and important. 

Lehali is a lot less all right with him accidentally terrorizing a city. Especially since people are spending actually valuable resources on doing something about it!

What is Sikandros going to do about this?

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Look over the shoulder of his Angel Who Is Managing A Drone Spying On The Temple Of Sarenrae While Sarenrae Counsels People!

Information gathering first, Lehali.

(Also, tell Carissa that while she's on standby she can familiarize herself with the Work Room. It has an angel who can make whatever tools she needs and cerium of perfect purity in neat little canisters of a standardized weight.)

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The impending terror of death has inspired a lot of people to try to atone for their crimes! The priests of Sarenrae are a bit overwhelmed but they're doing their best to get everyone into a probably-adequate state of repentance before they move on to the next one! 

"I was just so tired of taking care of her, and I - stopped. She called out for water and I - pretended I couldn't hear her - and then by morning she was dead - and she would probably have died anyways, right -"

        "I don't know. But it would have been better, if she would have died, to have died loved and cared for, and not alone."

"- I know that. I just - I just couldn't do it, I knew I should and I - I was glad, when she was dead, because it meant it was over, it meant I could - leave the house - and I figured, she's a good person, she's in a better place -"

        "I think the thing you're doing right now isn't forgiving yourself. It's excusing yourself, and that's different. You've got to forgive yourself, but you haven't got to excuse yourself, and usually you shouldn't."

"I don't - understand what the difference is -"

          "Forgiving yourself is when you look on yourself with Sarenrae's eyes, and you see someone who is small, and scared, and in pain, and has done awful things, and suffered awful things, and lived surrounded by awful things, and you see the potential in them to be strong and great and generous and good, and you want to lift them up and show them how you see them, show them how much you want that for them, how much you grieve for them that they don't have it. Excusing yourself is when you look on yourself and try to claim that the awful things weren't very real, or very awful. So they can't go together, right, if you're excusing yourself you can't forgive yourself."

"- I don't know how. I was hoping you'd have - some verse to recite, or - some penance -"

        "And what will those do for you, if you don't believe that Sarenrae is right to forgive you, if you don't believe that you need Her forgiveness?"

 

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This is either Goodness of a form totally alien and incomprehensible to him, or a power play, and he's not really sure which. Iomedae?

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Not doing atonements presently! Doing preparations to evacuate civilians through the catacombs! They are in the ancient traditions of all catacombs everywhere full of undead, but they're still the safest way out of the city if the surface turns into a wizard sparring match. 

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What is wrong with this planet.

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"My lord -"

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Is Iomedae giving anyone religious advice? How about tactical advice that might have a moral component to it? No, they're talking about killing nonsentient undead.

... He hopes it's nonsentient. Undead is nonsentient, right?

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Yes, Your Grace.

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Abadar expert! Abadar expert, what's your summary of the god Abadar from all the written materials, collected for the great Duke Sikandros and sent straight to his chiplock?

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Abadar is the god of trade and commerce, Lawful Neutral, favored by merchants and moneylenders and so on. His priesthood runs a country, or one of his priests claims to be Him and run a country thereby, or something like that. His afterlife sounds perfectly nice, technologically advanced and wealthy and stable. He is considered to be allied with Asmodeus, which seems like a bad sign, but also with Iomedae and Irori and Aroden-before-His-death and Shizuru and Erastil. His followers are commanded not to steal, or bargain falsely, or destroy things of value, or break their sworn word, or misuse money entrusted to them; He prohibits war except in self-defense. He is not a particularly smiting-inclined god but before the end of prophecy He is recorded to have smote people for perfidy on a few occasions.

 

The formal assessment of the Duke's Abadar expert is that He seems pretty okay? Some of the punishments for theft in this legal code seem pretty fucked up but she guesses theft was a bigger deal when everyone was incredibly poor.

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Okay, smiting people for perfidy seems... reasonable... for his purposes.

"Lehali, since you, perhaps, have a personal interest in this matter..."

(Also, someone should fetch Carissa out of the Work Room.)

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The program is this:

Lehali will take a shuttle down to the Temple of Abadar, backed by d'Acier (pairing the two of them is something the Tyrant always thinks before doing, but under the circumstances he doesn't think there's a risk), Korakhel (who Carissa has not met, but is an enormous swaggering man with ram's horns, black wings trailing a cape and two swords who is really useful when you need to intimidate someone) and Ilumnae (not actually all that terrifying, but has been picking up arcane magic faster than anyone else, and can maintain her own Detect Magic to supplement Carissa's - pale, lots of silken drapery, translucent wings) with Lorcain managing the artillery cover and Carissa watching through a scry, and Lehali can - yes, explain the situation so people can stop panicking - and see about hiring the highest-level cleric present for a Forbiddance or six, and buy some recommendations for honest people to do business with for the rest of making the castle impregnable. And meanwhile his spies can develop a more complete set of reports on all the other gods.

Any questions?

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Carissa does not have any questions! Having questions seems like it'd probably be the job of someone higher-ranking!

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Right! Then the dreadful Chariot will descend from the flying castle to the city, aimed at the biggest, fanciest temple of Abadar in it, the one with the highest-level spells it's offering prices for. What's that one look like?

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Expensive. It's done in the eastern style, rather than the Avistani, which is domed with little parapets; it's gilded, and the great central dome shines like a bald head. Four different holy symbols associated with Abadar are engraved over the doors; signs in front of the temple are in eight languages. There's a line that stretches out the door, neat and orderly, and the steps leading up to the temple are clean white marble even though the city around them is, well, a premodern city, and stinks of sewage.

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And the Chariot swoops down, turning to let loose the angels! d'Acier will emerge, soaring above the crowd; Korakhel will follow, then Lehali, and then Ilumnae, directing a hovering pallet of spellsilver. Korakhel will drop in to flank Lehali as they land, and d'Acier will summon a red carpet out of the filth of the streets for them to land on, drawing razor-sharp lines of fire along the fringes of the carpet to warn the locals to stay back. All of the angels have wings, outlandish clothes, swords, magical items in the City of Brass's color scheme, and are displaying coats of arms that quarter their own arms with Sikandros's Iron Ring. 

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And Lehali, sweeping out of this, sword by her side, looking highly dangerous, is in fact annoyed. Suffering is bad, so why is it still happening?

She will point at the street, and trestle tables covered with rich, delicious (she is admittedly not going for healthy because she has forgotten humans need food to be highly nutritious, so this is more calories and less vitamins) dishes will grow out of the filthy street. Then at that other bit of the street to create giant tuns full of sweet drinks and fruit drinks and wine and water out of bits of gunk nobody was using. Then at random other gunk just to turn it into air so the street looks cleaner.

Anyone obviously need healing?

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Lehali is very adorable and d'Acier understands why Uair has a crush on her and they have a job to do.

Assuming Lehali is not immediately mobbed (which hopefully Korakhel and his very large swords will avert), d'Acier will swoop to whoever is managing the line and land directly in front of that person.

"Pala Lehali, ambassador of the great Duke Sikandros, is come for confidential speech with the chief priest of Abadar in the city of Absalom."

No, this isn't a fancy speech. She has a fancy-speaking deficit. She also has many large pointy objects and magical powers, if it helps.

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" - right," says the apprentice, only a bit intimidated, "it's six hundred Absalom pounds to speak to the seventh-circle priest on short notice. It's usually less but there's a lot of demand for banking services today. We have a moneychanger if you haven't got Absalom pounds."

 

 

(People are hanging well back from the food. It's presumably a trick or illusion of some sort.)

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The food is real but Carissa wouldn't take it either; what's the game? Is she toying with them?

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"What is that in spellsilver by weight?" she asks, gesturing at Ilumnae's pallet.

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"Mortals of Golarion!" she declares, with the Charisma of someone who was on the upper end of what humans could manage before putting on a headband. "Duke Sikandros has come to have speech with the priests of Abadar! He means no harm to the city of Absalom, nor to your lives."

And then if anyone needs healing or anything, she can only provide it for very basic things (see: never human), but if she was limited to her own skills she'd never get anything done; all that she accomplishes comes from her loyal followers and faithful superiors, rather than her own isolated talents.

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.....does the powerful apparently benevolent entity want them to kneel? They'll kneel. They still won't take the food. She might be a fairy. Most powerful apparently benevolent entities specifically offering food and saying they mean no harm to your lives are fairies, probably. 

One person pays a street urchin a copper to take some food and eat it but the street urchin takes the copper, runs up to the food, and then darts off in the opposite direction. 

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"...if you want to fatten up everyone in Absalom for some reason you probably want to drop the food on one of the Good churches."

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" - uh, I think it'd be, four ounces, maybe five, of spellsilver, but you'll have to ask the moneychanger," says the apprentice, eyeing the pallet.

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This world is in fact terrible but she admits she thought some people would be starving enough to take it anyway.

"Duke Sikandros is merciful, and means no harm to your city," she'll let them know. "These gifts are given of free choice, and not any desire for power over you or to harm you. But accept them or refuse them as you please, for mine own affairs are with the Church of Abadar." Today. After that she needs to get their charity situation sorted.

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"Then we will speak with the moneychanger," d'Acier says flatly.

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(After the scary people leave the food gets grabbed.)

 

The moneychanger looks bored and unimpressed about the powerful aliens sweeping into his bank with a floating pallet of spellsilver. He is unimpressed, mostly, and he's not scared; he has insurance. He will turn some of this spellsilver into Absalom pounds, if it passes purity testing.

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Assuming their purity tests don't throw glitches at '100%', it will indeed pass.

In that case, they want to speak with the highest priest of Abadar present, and are ready to throw $Money at that problem until it disappears.

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Temos Sevandivasen is a middle-aged Vudrani man (persons with exposure to Earth racial categories would call him South Asian) with a well-appointed office on the third floor of the temple. They are showed up two flights of clean marble stairs and announced to Temos as - "uh, who should I announce you as."

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The massive pallet of spellsilver will go with them! The Chariot will take off after they leave.

"In order of entrance, Her Valor Dame Victorine d'Acier of the Third Eye, Knight of Thunder; His Valor Sir Korakhel Murghos, Twin Blades of the Last Horizon, Knight of Shadow; Her Wisdom Ilumnae Emyr, Chosen of the Arcana, and Her Excellency Pala Lehali Porphyrogenitus, Lightning Blade of Solmur, known as Countess Thunderbolt in the vernacular, Foreign Minister to Duke Sikandros of Kakogya."

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It's not that people with that many titles don't show up to speak to Temos sometimes but usually their staff is there in advance and has it all in writing and will have you repeat it back to them to make sure you have it right. 

 

He will do his best to repeat all that for Temos, in a voice that is wavering between 'loud so he sounds like he knows what he's doing' and 'quiet so no one notices if he made a mistake'. 

 

"May you find great fortune in Absalom, in whatever form you're seeking it," says Temos. "Sit down, please, unless the wings won't fit, in which case I'll have someone bring in sitting-cushions."

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("Good work getting all the titles right," Lehali will whisper to the announcer as she passes.)

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They can make the wings fit.

"My thanks," says Pala Lehali, who is now taking over the role of Chief Diplomat. "I am here as ambassador on behalf of His Grace Duke Sikandros of Kakogya, an outsider recently called to Golarion from a distant plane. He desires to obtain better knowledge of the realm in which he finds himself, and, being from lands beyond even the reach of Abadar, sought to know whether information guaranteed both truthful and discrete could be purchased from the Church of the Master of the First Vault."

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She's Chaotic Good, which is neither the most concerning nor the most reassuring alignment she could possibly read as (and is, of course, not necessarily the alignment she actually has.) The others are mostly Lawful Neutral or unreadable, which would be a better sign except that it makes for an unusual group.

 

"On behalf of this church, if not all Golarion which I don't speak for, I welcome you and Duke Sikandros. I am glad that, wherever you came from beyond Abadar's reach, you came to trade with us. Knowing more of your Duke's aims, here, I might quote you a different price; probably a cheaper one."

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"I am honored by your welcome and am grateful for your willingness to trade fairly with us." She pauses. "I cannot commit my Duke to any great undertakings, but I can promise you, and will swear it under truth-magic if by that you so wish to bind me, that he holds by his word, desires not to harm those who do not oppose him, and prefers not to risk your world's destruction; also that there is great potential for gain for you as well in these negotiations. But I cannot promise that he will never be your enemy, for to that I cannot bind him."

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"Well, I've heard worse," says Temos, slightly tiredly. "And we will trade with anyone whose word is good, or guarantee you with anyone else, for a fair price. What are you here to buy today?"

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"Complete confidentiality first and foremost," she says, "and knowledge of Golarion and the surrounding realms, second. Perhaps also castings of spells, perhaps also not."

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At this point the camera feed out of the room goes out. 

 


Temos, having cast some more extensive privacy spells on top of his office's usual ones, pulls out the most expensive confidentiality agreements available for the winged visitors to review.

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Out on the street, someone comes by to load all the food onto a wagon and sell it to unsuspecting people, of course careful not to touch it herself. 

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The winged visitors will review the contracts. What do the "having my mind read" clauses look like, and is there anything that a newcomer to Golarion would find Very Strange?

(They are visibly not worrying about price, which suggests that they are very rich, very non-Abadarian, or more likely both.)

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As a seventh-circle cleric his mind is unlikely to be read. They can at great expense purchase a rider where he will not leave the Black Dome in Sothis without Mind Blank up, which would make mindreading impossible.

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Hmm. Acceptable, but the information is highly time-sensitive. Is it less expensive if they buy it for a week with options to extend it month-by-month for up to ten years?

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Sure! He doesn't have that one pre-written but he can draw it up pretty quickly.

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Excellent. Then she'll sign that.

(She'd ideally like a term in it for 'Mind Blank effect' instead of 'Mind Blank spell'; as the priest can see, they have a great deal of spellsilver, and the price of magic items might drop abruptly. She doesn't want to have to contract to lock him up in a fortress for longer than she has to.)

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- yes, sure. He will not ask where they got all that spellsilver, he's sure he couldn't afford the answer.

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Then once their warding spells are up and the complete-confidentiality-contracts are signed -

"Duke Sikandros, whom we serve, is a powerful outsider from a extremely distant plane who recently arrived on Golarion. The government of Cheliax was unwise enough to attack him at the Worldwound, while he was assisting them, and he has decided to destroy the Chelish government in revenge, ideally in a manner that causes as little damage to the Chelish populace as is possible. We would like to purchase information on the political, religious, military and supernatural situation on this world and in this plane, and on uses for our specific magical powers within it, as well as castings of Forbiddance and Mage's Private Sanctum sufficient to cover our present base of operations."

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"- I see. Well. We do sell those. The Church of Abadar does not lend itself directly to war, and only under extreme circumstances denies our financial services to one side of one."

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"Our most immediate area of concern, other than the warding spells, is information that anyone in Golarion would know, but not everyone in Golarion could be trusted to speak of accurately, on those nations and gods that oppose Cheliax and Asmodeus, and what their objectives would be should we desire to ally with them."

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He has books and maps and essays he can recommend them, and he can also just give an overview on the spot. 


To the west, Cheliax's rivals are Andoran, which was part of Imperial Cheliax but declared independence, and is now having a reactionary anti-Chelaxian period which involves everyone being very vocally in favor of Good and against everything the Good churches condemn. This entails picking more fights than they can really handle. It could be that Felandrial Morgethai, the ninth circle wizard who helped them attain independence, is planning to back them through more; it could also be that they're going to get themselves reconquered or otherwise conquered pretty shortly. 

Galt, also a former bit of Imperial Cheliax, went through more than a decade of revolutions and reprisals and is now united under Cyprian, who wants to be emperor of all of Avistan and has started by picking off his fragmented neighbors and then pushing the front with Cheliax to the middle of Druma. 

Molthune, another former bit of Imperial Cheliax, is on studiously nonhostile terms with them, distracted with a civil war with their own northern provinces. 

Lastwall, Iomedae's country, opposes Cheliax and Asmodeus and also Tar Baphon, and Ustalav, and Belkzar, and the Worldwound. They're pretty busy. Mendev, Iomedae's other country, is occuped entirely with the Worldwound. 

Most people expect Cyprian to make a concerted effort in the spring to drive across Druma and move the front line with Cheliax almost back to the borders of Cheliax proper. Of course, if he commits his forces too wholeheartedly to the offensive against Cheliax, Taldor might press some border claims. (That Cheliax might try very hard to get Taldor to do this of course goes almost without saying, though he says it anyway in case things work very differently where the outsiders are from.)

Cheliax has a good navy; Galt is landlocked; Taldor has a navy that Cheliax would much prefer not to engage; Andoran has a navy of privateers who have pissed off literally everyone else in the Inner Sea with a coast. 

Across the Inner Sea, Osirion is Abadaran, and thus wars only in self-defense, and is newly independent and on the way to being prosperous, and hosts quite a lot of expats from Galt and Cheliax and Andoran and...really much of Avistan at this point. Thuvia and Rahadoum are consumed with a war on their southern borders against an interdimensional rift to the soul-eating plane of Abaddon. 

 

He says all this like this is usually what things are like, give or take some details. 

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"Excuse me?"

Her eyes narrow.

"An interdimensional rift to the what?"

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"To Abaddon, the soul-eating plane. It's much less of a problem than the Worldwound, it doesn't grow."

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"- Right. One more thing for us to deal with." She flashes him a grin. "Quick question: If your Good gods are Good, why haven't they solved this yet?"

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" - well, for one thing, many of the gods are Evil."

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"Yes, I was wondering about that."

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He shrugs. "Why hasn't Taldor conquered the world? Someone'd stop them. Why hasn't Galt? Someone'd stop them. Why hasn't Good? Someone'd stop them."

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"Why hasn't Good replaced the Chelish government, closed the portals to the Abyss and to Abaddon, and fixed your planet's desperate poverty." She cracks another smile. "And why, given godly power, would anyone think the most interesting thing to do with it would be to be evil?"

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"Good has not done those things because someone - specifically Asmodeus, with respect to Cheliax - would stop them. 

I am not sure I've ever had it asserted that any of the Evil gods are Evil because it's the most interesting thing to do. Maybe some of the demon lords. I think generally they are evil for some other reason."

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"Then how do we stop Asmodeus?"

 

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"Wait. No. Who do I talk to about the question, 'then how do we stop Asmodeus?'"

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"I bet you won't be able to stop Asmodeus," he says, somewhat tiredly. "But the Church of Iomedae is the people to talk to about trying."

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"Fate is not fixed 'till the sword is resheathed," she says, the proverb not quite translating. "What is Iomedae like?"

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"She is an ascended mortal, who was a paladin of Aroden a thousand years ago, at Taldor's height, when she led a crusade against the lich Tar-Baphon. She's the most interventionist of the Lawful Good deities and the most opposed to Asmodeus. I can get you a book with the code of her paladins. This is not advice but I think, if it's your intent to war with Cheliax, her faith will lend you any help they can, unless your cause is hopeless."

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"Our cause is not likely to be hopeless." She grins, young and bold and very, very doomed. "What are the biases of the Iomedaeans? What will they try to persuade us into?"

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"....destroying Evil, at the expense of your other interests, whatever those are."

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"Destroying evil or destroying the evil?"

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"I'm not sure what you mean. In general to stop people, in war, you have to kill them."

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"I mean that I have not the faintest notion of the alignment of half my friends and allies and I don't want Iomedaeans pointing a sword at them, and I mean that if half the population of Cheliax is evil my liege wants an ally who won't try to halve the country's population. Are these requirements likely to give us problems, with the Church?"

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"Well, I can't imagine they'd just want to kill the people in Cheliax, they'll go to Hell and who does that benefit but Asmodeus. I imagine they would also be pragmatic about allies who want to fight Hell. Iomedaens are notoriously pragmatic."

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She nods. "Tell me about Asmodeus." And, serious, "Tell me about Hell."

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"Asmodeus is the Lawful Evil god who rules Hell. Stories of who ruled Hell before Him are unreliable. Most stories have it that no one rivals him in Hell, and few gods are more powerful. He is a god that is particularly distant from mortals, though he has intervened very directly in Golarion in recent decades, in support of House Thrune in the Chelish Civil War. Asmodeus and His followers are lawful, but not wise to treat with, if you aren't sure you understand the rules you treat under; they'd prefer it, if their trade partners come away feeling cheated. 

 

Hell is the Lawful Evil afterlife. It's generally understood to be unpleasant. Those who go there are Evil, and willing to hurt others for some minor reduction in their own suffering; some people say that that's all the torment there is in Hell, that it was ultimately all caused by an Evil person. Whether or not that's true, though, Hell is full of torment because Asmodeus prefers and engineered it that way. Different afterlives have different kinds of native outsiders; those of Hell are devils, and they are obedient and fearsome and cruel. 


People go to Hell if Pharasma judges them Lawful Evil. It's not actually one of the more common assignments. Criminals aren't Lawful, and those who don't take the lives of others, or treat them with great cruelty, don't tend to turn out Evil. Slaveowners need to worry about it. Unjust rulers need to worry about it. Men who beat their wives and children to excess.

Cheliax has figured out how to make most people Lawful Evil, by convincing them to treat cruelty casually enough, to expect it from everyone, to twist themselves in advance of it. Most Chelish people, and many who do business there, go to Hell."

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"Understood."

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And now Lehali has another thing to do adventuring at, this time that will get her eternally tortured if she screws up. d'Acier really wishes someone else had the job of being The Sane One, but sometimes there's only one Sane One, and that's just how life is. Ugh.

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And Lehali will ask a lot more general questions about the gods and about the world! She'll also ask the more specific question of who she should buy Forbiddance and Mage's Private Sanctum and Teleport Trap spells in Absalom from who will Definitely Absolutely Not Cheat Her, her boss wants his entire flying castle covered in Mage's Private Sanctum and all of it except a teleport room Forbiddance'd. Doesn't care about the alignment of the caster for the Forbiddance except 'not evil.'

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He can answer her questions! The Church of Abadar knows who is a reliable seller of magical services in Absalom! And knows a reasonable amount on most other topics!

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Excellent! Then she can finish off and depart, there to send a preliminary report while she goes and hires some spellcasters! (She'll probably want to turn more of her spellsilver into money, though, before she goes, so she has funds to do the hiring.)

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No one has assailed the flying castle. (Lots of people have sent invisible animal spies.)

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Invisible animal spies will fail if they can't get through the golden mesh that the angels like to spread everywhere, but otherwise that's perfectly reasonable. They'll mostly learn that there are lots of terrifying outsiders with strange magic items (and, uh, regular magic items, high-quality, purchased from the City of Brass) possessing terrifying powers to shape physical objects, the majority of whom can't see invisible animals, going around messing with things and talking in a foreign language. Unfortunately there are closed doors, but the angels regularly walk through them so the animals can follow.

(The angels who can, thanks to enhanced hearing, enhanced smell, or magic items that provide Detect Magic or Arcane Sight, are going to end up filling Sikandros's brig with invisible animal spies.)

((Of course he has a brig. What kind of respectable evil overlord wouldn't?))

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"If you'd like, my lord, I can mindread the spies. They're probably mostly actual animals or long-duration summons but some might be familiars, or something stranger."

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"Logical," says Sikandros. "Yes..." he smiles. "Let us see what they have to - think."

(Sandy is, as it happens, somewhat distracted. He's got his report; Iomedae isn't genuinely aligned with him, but she shares his interest in opposing Cheliax and is basically someone he can work with. It isn't certain they can work together, since he is presumably Evil, but so long as he's Lawful he's sure they can manage to work it out. Just... ugh. He cares about doing things right, and the stakes are very, very high, and that makes it a lot less fun than an environment where he's actually in control.)

He'll go with Carissa to hear her reports in person; he's curious just what mind controlling a brig of animals looks like.

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She casts Detect Thoughts. 

 

(It won't work on her liege, presumably. Right? Because she is desperately curious.)

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Her liege is standing behind her. But if she can get past that, Spell Resistance 21, a layer of osmium and a +9 Will save, she can totally read his mind!

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She cannot! Too bad though also probably for the best. It'd just be nice to feel less - disoriented.

 

Many of these animals are animals with animal concerns such as whether the larger animals are going to eat them, how this place smells wrong, how this place doesn't have enough places to hide, and how this place doesn't have enough food. Carissa reports this out in the dispassionate tone of someone who has never in her life considered caring about animals.

This one is a familiar and freaking out about where familiars go where they die! 

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It's in fact pretty fucked up that no one (who would have told Carissa) is sure about that. Carissa felt vaguely sick when she learned it in wizard school and has never gotten a familiar, though of course she would if there were a reason - it's not like it's better to remain a stupid animal!

She reports it exactly as dispassionately, of course, because she isn't a fucking child. 

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That bat in the corner back there is a long-term summons from Elysium who is trying to give some mice (regular mice) a sheltered place to sleep. No, she has no idea why it's doing that. She doesn't even think the mice were sent by the same power. 

That bird is a polymorphed teenage wizard's apprentice who is diligently repenting of all the wrongs he has done that he can think of. He's unclear on what might count so he's trying to be very thorough; he's sorry that once when he was five he let his sister get in trouble for stealing bread when it was him that stole it.

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Why.

"Have any of you fools considered for a moment the possibility that sneaking into the fortress of a mighty outsider might be the tiniest bit unwise?" he asks the mob of familiars et al.

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Familiars obey their wizards. It's what a familiar is. Most of the wizards were presumably thinking it was worth a high risk of losing the familiar for the benefits if they got some information out. 

The bat is a construct-creature and will be totally fine in Elysium if destroyed here; it likes the sorceress who summoned it and thinks dying now and again is an interesting and enriching experience and part of a full life.

The teenage apprentice absolutely agrees that he was very foolish and repented of that even though he's not sure if it's Evil to be very foolish. He was offered four hundred gold pieces (paid out to relatives if he died) and it was just obviously more money than he was ever going to make in his life, what with how he hasn't exactly mastered wizardry and has fairly advanced consumption. (Is having consumption Evil? Mav says you can give it to people by coughing on them; is coughing Evil? He repents of both, just in case.)

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... 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE. Having an afterlife for a subset of sapient creatures is so incredibly pointless and arbitrary! And then making them all magical slaves is worse!

Elysium Bat is valid.

(He's going to want to drop the teenage apprentice in one of the medical bays and cure his consumption before he goes, and quietly lets his people know that.)

"Permit me to explain to you, then, so that this information reaches your masters: If you desire to speak with Duke Sikandros, come out in the open, and so inform him that you would speak. Further intrusions by stealth and force will be taken as unambiguously hostile, and will not receive such a pleasant welcome as you have all received."

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Threats are conveyed by whatever magical mechanism various Absalom magic-users are using to spy on their familiars/animals/apprentices!

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Carissa will diligently attempt to get identifying characteristics of the masters out of everybody's heads now that they're presumably thinking about that.

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"Fine work, Carissa." He can arrange some suitably ironic punishment for the wizards later, such as not letting them in the next time he has guests over.

Then he can dump the animals all down a chute that leads to the outside! It's a very carefully set-up chute with a mildly powerful fan blowing a wind down it, so they can't fly back up, and then he can go to work on his actual priorites.

Except the wizard apprentice. He's getting some medical treatment, and then getting dumped.

(Sikandros's +4 Wisdom headband is nagging him about the whole You Know You Have An Extremely Short Time Limit Thing. You know you should just pray to Iomedae. Just talk to her. Just do it. His imaginary Lehali and his imaginary Trianta are firmly agreed on this, and even his imaginary Lucan is starting to raise an eyebrow or two. Well, that's the next step; take care of this, and then he can speak with his local ally regarding coming to an arrangement about their plans for the planet.)

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Carissa raises an eyebrow about the wizard's apprentice getting held back from the chute (which she presumes leads to a furnace of some kind), but doesn't ask any questions. "They say of Absalom that it attracts every wizard that wishes to do as he pleases, at only the cost of letting all wizards do as they please," she says, as the animals get dumped. 

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"A fine conceit for a city," he says drily. "If, perhaps, not the city I would rather live in." (Honestly, he loves it.)

Let's see. Lehali and d'Acier are getting him wards, Lucan is monitoring the situation as his deputy, Mendax can handle engineering crises...

He nods. "I believe that my next priority is -" his voice goes dry "- contacting one of our potential allies." By which he means he's out of excuses to procrastinate it any longer. "Which I will need to do alone. Your personal room, the castle library, and your work room are all available to you to use freely; if you need anything, inform your guard," since who that is will change throughout the period, people do get breaks sometimes.

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" - yes, my lord."

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At this moment a Gate opens from Hell and pulls Carissa Sevar through it. The other side is cloaked in magical darkness but if observers have anything that can see through magical darkness they might observe a sizable army standing screened by a stone wall with prepared spells - everything from Confusion to Hold Monster to Feeblemind - they hurl through the Gate in the brief instant it is open.

 

 

 

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Duke Sikandros has excellent reflexes, but not that good. If it was open for longer he could stab his tendrils through it, if there was no darkness he could turn the army into air, but at that speed there's nothing he can do but start moving and begin issuing orders, a start that won't be finished before the portal snaps closed.

 

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Oh no.

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What a disaster

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He does not have time for this.

(As the news of the kidnapping flashes - as exactly how screwed they are spreads to every angel here -)

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Sandor Balog drops to his knees.

Iomedae. Goddess of Goodness. I need your help.

And he casts his mind out, to what he knows he has seen but cannot name; the men and women who do the hardest work, who trudge for the harshest causes and accept the lowest wages and haggle for the highest budgets - the keen edge of the sternest engineers that demands it be done right, for the Work is lord over all; the labor that makes a world and makes it be right that must be done - to the bright-edged Goodness that picks the hardest task and serves it, too humble to cast aside any edge, too proud to seek glory - he has known those like that, and they have never had a good fate, but that is the closest he can name to Goodness -

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(For this is the nature of Sandor Balog of the Iron Ring, as a god might see it: 

He is possibly the most Asmodean person who could ever exist and still be Chaotic Good. He delights in precise words and carefully-negotiated compacts, he accepts no restrictions on his arbitrary power and seeks ever more to expand it, he thirsts for control over whatever he can find. Any slight to his Pride is a slight to everything he is, any foe who opposes his Pride must be cast down and trampled.

It's just, he's spent most of the past century hanging out with people he likes, and he doesn't want to hurt people he likes. So he makes them happy, and uses this power to come up with gifts they'll like, and entertain them, and give them happy lives, because Heaven is vast and everyone in it is indestructible and why would he spend his time with people who will tick him off instead of filling his life with joy? Since he cannot give his word falsely, he does not give his word; since he must avenge all slights against him, he chooses those who do not slight him; since he must return evil with evil, he must return good with good, and so build an endless cycle of generosity in the midst of tyranny. For some have said that there is a spark of good in every evil, and Sarenrae may know that this is, yup, completely one-hundred percent true of Sandy Balog.

This is the man, who prays to Iomedae.)

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And at the same moment, someone else prays, because she has had it with Sikandros's procrastination, and she is not going to keep it up any longer. She prays standing with her hand on the hilt of her sword (there is a rose carved on it; the original was a gift from a friend, and rests in her home, for the blade at her side is her own razor nail to bear her own impervious nature), and she prays with her whole heart and a sharp head and eyes of fire.

What she casts her mind to, when she thinks the name Iomedae, is not the god of an engineer, it is fury and anger, cold and sharp; it is outrage that there are those who hunger and cannot eat, who fear and can find no courage, who hate and can find no forgiveness. How dare a world be such? Pala Lehali - Countess Thunderbolt - will not let this happen. Dares Iomedae answer her, with anything other than the work she has done and the work that Lehali can do? There are problems to be fixed.

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(And this is the nature of Pala Lehali, a woman who has lived in Heaven and dreamed of heroes and done nothing, for she lived in a world where there were no heroes needed:

That, if placed on one side of the scales was a dozen beloved friends, and a domain richer than any kingdom of Golarion, to rule wisely and justly, and wealth, and power, and honor, and her own sworn oath, and loyal service to a mentor who had faithfully taught her all that she knew, and a tremendous evil permitted to grow and fester and continue tormenting others without end; and the other side was nine chances out of ten for bloody death for she and all she loved and a tenth doomed chance to sweep that evil away, she would pay the impossible price, and fight for the right cause with all the wit and skill at her command, and lose. And, if, defeated, she and some friends miraculously survived, she would do it again, against the next evil, and again, and again. There are those she weeps to bury, but her oath and her honor and her beloved friends are all far less important to her than doing the right thing, however hard, however bitter, and when all is on the scales, she will not permit Wrong to triumph.

Pala Lehali does not, in fact, think that you should keep oaths to villains. She thinks that part of being a villain is that you ought to expect everyone to betray you, and find no loyal friends who you can engage in mutually beneficial deals with, and if she ends up being a villain, she appreciates that people will betray her.

Sandy might, perhaps, be one kind of Chaotic Good. But Pala Lehali is a very different one.)

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They find themselves, at once, in Heaven.

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(The Heaven they started from, to be clear.)

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... Shit.

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"All right," says Duke Sikandros in a completely calm voice, as he watches the rest of his angelic army pop back to Heaven. "That was a defeat." A total defeat that was completely his fault. "A tactical defeat. There were six hidden chambers in the castle containing near-finished circles easy to stumble across, Mendax's mechanism -" he inclines his head to the engineer "- and a sealed package labeled TO THE TEMPLE OF ABADAR that may well be delivered. Nonetheless, work reverse-engineering the Plane Shift spell will continue, as well as recreating the items of Golarion here in Heaven."

He will smile, very sharply and abruptly, his helmet melting into a fanged face:

"A defeat suffered. But we will continue, we will advance, and we will continue the exploitation of the single greatest new resource that Heaven has encountered since the days of Revelation."

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Lehali waits until everyone else is gone before:

"My lord."

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"Yes, Pala Lehali, you were completely correct in every respect and I should never have doubted you."

He considers. "Except for conquering the City of Brass. We should not, at that point, have conquered the City of Brass."

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"We should have talked to our local allies as soon as we knew they were -"

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"Yes, Pala Lehali, that is correct, Pala Lehali."

The helmet is now back, and he grits his teeth behind it.

"I am aware. Nonetheless. The battle is lost. The war is not over."

And I do not, frankly, care where the soul of Carissa Sevar has found itself. Our contract is not finished.

I will not yield.

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This is going to be expensive!!

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I propose a moratorium on intervention on Golarion in light of these extremely powerful dangerous outsiders -

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- who you just had make your people a bunch of spellsilver and diamonds, didn't you. 

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In the infirmary of the floating castle, Retty, wizard apprentice of Mavelar Merseigor, clutching a brightly colored packet of daily medications, tiptoes anxiously to the hallway to peek out. 

 

 

Nobody. 

 

 

 

....just to be safe he repents of having gone to the hallway without permission. Can't be too careful when your life is this dangerous. He wavers over whether to take the medication and maybe have to repent of stealing the medication (they had been talking like they were going to give it to him, but then vanished), or leave the medication and maybe have to repent of Not Finishing A Course Of Antibiotics, which, it was just explained to him literally twenty seconds ago, is a very bad sin. 

 

 

"Mav?" he says cautiously, clearing the golden-spiderweb around him because he's pretty sure it's antiscrying. "Mav?"

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KNOW ALWAYS THAT YOU ARE LOVED AND THAT YOU ARE FORGIVEN






 

TAKE THE ANTIBIOTICS

 





FEAR NOT AS YOU ARE HARSHER EVEN THAN PHARASMA IN JUDGING YOURSELF







PLEASE LET THE CLERICS OF IOMEDAE AT THE FRONT DOOR OF THE CASTLE IN

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Asmodeus observes for the consideration of the other gods that the just-observed intervention came after he had proposed a cessation of interventions and while the details of such were being actively negotiated, in contravention of established standards for -

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Sarenrae is well known to all to hear nothing spoken by Asmodeus. Someone else should probably have brought it up if She was to be bound by it, or indeed aware of it. 

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Duke Sikandros has considered the possibility of despair, and decided against it. He does not, in fact, expect to be summoned back, though he has his traps; the odds that anyone would in fact find and collect one are fairly low, especially since his castle will eventually run out of fuel and sink, if it isn't scavenged first. No, he simply hates despair. If he must feel cold and empty and horrible, he will fill the emptiness with iron determination - to master the arts of wizardry, to find his way back to Golarion, and to accomplish his vengeance upon Cheliax.

And so he is practicing cantrips, when he feels the familiar pull, and yields to it.

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"It's been about six minutes and there are two dozen adventuring parties and two national armies, one of them Cheliax's, on board this airship trying to kill each other," says a man in bloody, scorched plate armor. Not the summoner; someone grabbed the summoner the instant the circle completed and vanished.

"We'd prefer to conceal that we got you back; can I ask you what evidence we'd need to destroy on this ship if we want to make sure no one else can try to do so?"

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He Angelic Hastes himself. "The two obvious possibilities are that you are a Chelish agent trying to make me destroy all of my backup plans to ensure a summoning, or that you really weren't sure how not to sound like one. Do you have ten seconds to explain to me why this plan is preferable to my wiping out the Chelish national army?"

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"- then Cheliax will know you're here and go after your summoner again, and we think we're going to beat them without you. If you have backup plans not on this specific airship as I'm sure you do I'm not asking about those!!"

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He doesn't, actually.

"Self-destruct sequence," he says calmly, "if you can get your people out."

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"- so it's not true that you can make diamonds?"

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"A task too simple for words," he says. "But replacing your expended spells and items is not."

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"From my state of information that's not worth Cheliax being on the ship for longer but if you want to go out there and kill everyone, fine. - Mind Blank."

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"I'll trust your words," he says. "The airship will burn. Message me when it's done, include the code-word Arucanian."

And he'll drop his weight, soften his feet, two quick steps through a wall into a hidden passageway totally inaccessible by anyone who can't cut through walls, down a floor, moving almost completely silently - 

(What kind of evil overlord's fortress doesn't have a self-destruct switch? His only concession to practicality was that instead of making it a gigantic flashy lever with DO NOT PULL on it, he made it a quiet button in a room totally inaccessible to anyone but an angel. The flashy lever with DO NOT PULL on it drops you into the spike pit.)

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(Someone did try the flashy lever with DO NOT PULL but they had a Fly up)

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The self-destruct button sets off explosives! Quite a lot of explosives! There's the ones under the floorboards, the ones under the walls, the ones in the secret hidden passageways, the ones that puncture the vacuum-lift towers that contributed to holding it up, the ones that blew the main power line, the ones that blew the doors, and the ones that are intended to make the computers totally impossible for anyone to extract any information from! Also the random ones that just do explosive damage to anyone in the building and not in Gaseous Form, you know, a few of those.

He'll push it three times while drumming his fingers on some adjacent plating, which also explodes some tanks full of stuff you would really rather not breathe in, at least if you have lungs, that would ordinarily have harmlessly sunk to the bottom of the ocean. Because screw Cheliax, that's why.

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Most of the people on the airship die!!! 

 

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Mav does not die, because his most useless apprentice, Retty, flings himself out of a nook at him and yells 'get out!!!!!!' and Mav is not the kind of idiot who ignores the advice of one's terrified and obviously driven-mad apprentices popping out of nooks when thought dead. He teleports himself and Retty home. 

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Some of the other people on the airship are really too powerful for their own good and can survive a few explosions and teleport out. 

 

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"Arucanian standing by if you want a ride out of here," comes the Message.

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"Understood," he says. "Currently a seventh of a Chelish mile north-northwest of Absalom, swimming for shore, disguised as a mortal."

(He fell, hit the water, and then shapeshifted himself and his clothes. He's still wearing his ring, of course, but that's the only giveaway.)

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Then after a little while, another mortal will swim up to him, faster than mortals can really swim. He hasn't taken off the armor. He offers a hand. "With your leave -"

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"Leave to teleport me is granted," he says.

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New location, pretty cathedral, shrouded in antiscrying. "Can you direct us in how to get more of your allies -"

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He can start burning circles on the ground! Unbound ones!

"Do you swear that you are an ally of Iomedae and the Good gods and a foe of Cheliax and Asmodeus?"

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"I so swear. - I actually have no idea who you are, there was not a lot of time for explanations."

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"Duke Sikandros of the Iron Ring, lord of Kakogya," he says, his form shifting to assume his dread armor, "A prince from a domain beyond that of Asmodeus, Whose servants have offended me."

He thinks loudly that if any gods want to give him emergency magic powers he is totally fine with this as long as these magical powers come with no price tag greater than 'continue cooperating against the Chelish leadership and Asmodeus,' at whom he is pissed.

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Happy to but he's too far away!!

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He does not especially have the spirit.

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Yes, that. Unfortunately.

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The man's expression shifts a bit more skeptical at the dread armor and declaration, but only a bit; new enemies of Asmodeus are still great news. "And how can we aid you in pursuing your grievance with Him?"

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"First, by having several summoners come to complete these circles so I can bring my armies across; second - I can construct, oh, six plans to destroy the palace in Egorian, if the Chelish leadership is presently there, or any other Asmodean strongpoints you desire to name. I would prefer to do this with minimal loss of life, and would value magical support in doing so, as well as strategic advice on which strongpoints are the most valuable targets and which of my plans might face - difficulties."

He pauses. "I also desire to rescue the soul of my vassal Carissa Sevar from Hell, though that may, perhaps, be delayed, as annihilating Asmodeus's forces on Golarion is a more urgent priority."

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He Messages someone, presumably regarding getting some summoners in here; Sikandros has Celestial now but he's still speaking too quietly to be overheard easily.

 

"I imagine they've gone to ground until they determine if you're here. Of course, they'll have to show themselves at some point if you invade their country. What are your plans for once you've conquered it, if you conquer it?"

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"In coordination with local allies, make it fantastically rich, wipe out the Church of Asmodeus, and find some capable viceroy in whose hands to place the day-to-day administration who can preserve the people's prosperity, ensure good governance, and prevent the people from descending into Hell. Asmodeus has wronged me sufficiently that denying Him souls from territory I control seems to me wholly fitting."

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" - all right." He passes the message along. "People should be here to do additional summons shortly. We can also start a True Resurrection on your previous summoner if you want, though it'll almost certainly fail as they'll have Maledicted her."

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"Acknowledged. Opportunity cost?"

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"If we're gonna have a fight today, we'll use the ninth circle spell slot for the most important dead combatant. If the fight's going to be later....substantially better to try to get her back sooner."

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AAAAAHHHHH -

(he does not have a high enough Bluff to keep his discomfort with what he's saying from leaking through to a gifted audience, though he's hard to read inside his face-concealing infernal plate -)

" - The fight will begin today."