Because he doesn't deserve to be happy that thought is probably also stupid, but...certainly he doesn't deserve to be happy more than other people deserve to be alive? That's not how it works. They're his people to protect. 

"They're your people? Would it be better if the spell worked on faraway people?"

No! That's even worse! He doesn't - have the right - to harm faraway people for his own selfish enjoyment! Especially not to set it up conveniently so he doesn't need to think about it! 

(He does, arguably, have the right to order executions in the Empire, he doesn't want it and it's certainly never made him happy but it is under his purview, and he has signed execution orders...great now he's found another thing to be miserable about...) 

"You suffer in very interesting ways," says Caris absently. "You execute people, but because you think it's Good, prevents more deaths, advances goals worth that cost, not because you'd rather they be dead? If they all went to Axis, you'd be happier?"

Obviously that would be better!!!!! ...well, maybe not for Axis, he doubts they especially want the Empire's rapists and murderers, and he doesn't want to send anyone to one of the terrible afterlives even if they were, in life, a terrible person who hurt people around them. And criminal executions are really only a small fraction of the deaths on his hands, compared to the inevitable deaths on both sides when he sends the Imperial army to shut down a rebellion or conquer a new province. He...it would hurt less, if he knew that everyone who was dead on his orders was...okay, somewhere else. 

"'m working on it. I don't...actually know if I'll finish in your lifetime. But I'll get there."

Of course. Because Caris is impressive and incredible and so good, however hard he tries to deny being Good-with-a-capital-letter in the Golarion sense, and Bastran is still way too upset to be in the mood where he would parse this as hot, but - he appreciates Caris so much and there's - some kind of emotion there that he doesn't actually recognize, it's bright and clean and the opposite of feeling tired (somehow despite the fact that he is, in fact, exhausted.) He feels like...maybe he can be okay, just for a little while, here and now with Caris' arms around him. He can't avoid facing all of the misery forever but - maybe, just for a little while, Caris can hold the rest of the world at bay. 

- well that went unexpectedly well. He's genuinely grateful to Bastran for how unexpectedly well that went but has no idea how to express that, inside or outside the game they're playing. He'll just - smile fondly at him, and radiate satisfaction, and then let Bastran...sleep?

Bastran slowly relaxes in his arms, and - starts crying again for no reason whatsoever, he has no idea why this is happening to him (and his thoughts won't be very informative to Caris on this matter, either, he's actually a lot less miserable and feels small and safe and cared-for). 

He does eventually fall asleep. 

(Altarrin has been letting them be. He's definitely not about to spy on the Emperor with his boyfriend. He's also very curious what they've even been doing for so long, but he will keep himself occupied poking at the immortality research and wait.) 

Caris spends a while shaking uncontrollably, once Bastran is asleep and definitely not going to get mad at him and kill him, and then goes to sleep as well. 

In which case Bastran will wake up before Caris does. 

He's warm and cozy and not especially in a hurry to get up and do things, and so it actually takes him a few moments to notice that something is missing in his head. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH????!!!!!

This was a mistake he shouldn't have come he shouldn't have trusted Caris - what does he do aaaaaaaaaah -

He does in fact have a direct communication-spell protocol to summon guards to his current location, and he nearly does exactly that before remembering that his current location is Caris' wizard tower, because he's the stupidest person in the entire world– 

...Altarrin is here. Probably. Unless Altarrin is in on this too he can't be that paranoid right now, he just cannot do it, he needs Altarrin to be someone he can trust. 

<ALTARRIN HELP> he sends, very very loudly and emphatically, at the same time as he's frantically rolling away from Caris and raising shields over himself. 

...at which point his brain actually wakes up enough to remember the surrounding context and that he wasn't panicked about it before, but by that point there's already a Gate-threshold shimmering into place on the locked doorway. 

Altarrin throws himself through, raising shields over both of them - what - neither of them appears to be injured or under attack?

(He's half-expecting some kind of countermeasure against unexpected Gates but he's very well shielded and probably Caris won't have used lethal countermeasure spells.) 

Caris is...asleep...though probably about to be woken by all the commotion, and Bastran is clearly panicking and he has no idea why. His top guess would be 'a nightmare' - he doesn't know if Bastran has nightmares after everything that's happened recently, he does but not ones where he wakes up disoriented and confused if his surroundings are safe. He kind of wishes he had Healing-sight, he doesn't think the Emperor is having an unexpected medical emergency but he's not as sure as he would prefer. 

(He is noting the fact that Bastran and Caris are both naked but this is not really one of the most salient elements of the situation.) 

He dives in, pulls Bastran into a sitting position and holds him steady and firmly grips his hand. "Just breathe - everything is fine, we are safe here - talk to me, what is wrong -?" 

The thing that's wrong is that he's going to die of embarrassment. 

...The thing he actually does is burst into tears again. 

This is incredibly concerning! "Caris," Altarrin snaps, and starts checking Bastran over with mage-sight. 

- oh. That. 

He's not sure what Caris was thinking - did he dispel Bastran's compulsion while Bastran was asleep, that just seems - rude and likely to go badly - but he's not otherwise concerned, and right now the main priority is getting the Emperor to calm down. He suspects Caris can help with that. 

Caris woke to an Alarm spell when Altarrin Gated in, but has been sitting here very still in case moving provokes someone. 

- this was a plausible outcome last night. He was not expecting it this morning.

He pulls himself together and gets out of bed. "Bastran," he says quietly. "Do you trust me?"

Instead of answering he's going to flop on Caris' shoulder and cry. 

Altarrin is still pretty concerned but mostly incredibly confused! 

He sits down carefully on the edge of the bed. This...seems like a delicate conversation to have out loud while the Emperor is having some kind of breakdown. (It's bizarre and worrying; he's seen Bastran depressed, plenty of times, but never - losing control like this.)

Fortunately Caris has the communication-spell artifact, and while this isn't a central use case for it, there's no reason he can't use it for a private conversation in the same room; he would use Mindspeech if he had it. 

<Can you explain the context of - deciding to use a Dispel Magic on him?> he asks Caris, very levelly. 

<I'm actually not sure if I can because I don't know how yours is set up, if you're going to be forced to do something if you don't like what you hear.> He pets Bastran's hair. <What - happened this morning ->

<I was hoping you could tell me what happened this morning! He called for help with the communication-spell - I assumed you were under attack - and I Gated in and found him...like this. I thought you might have dispelled it while he was asleep and he panicked once he noticed, but - I cannot think why you would do that, and especially not why you would do it and then go to sleep rather than wait to see his reaction!> 

<No! We talked last night without it in place. He must've - woken up disoriented and forgotten.> 

<Did he - take it well, last night? ...He seems more just upset than scared, right now, I am confused what is wrong.> 

<I think he had mixed feelings but was - moving in a good direction. I'd have fetched you to put it back if he'd wanted that, obviously.>

<...I would have thought it would be good for him, but I suppose it is not incompatible for it to be good for him and also - very unpleasant, in the short run.> Sigh. <Do you have any idea what he needs, right now? I am - we have not really had the kind of relationship previously where I would - try to comfort him.>